[quote][quote]Here's a little something different from me! You see, I got to thinking about Kivan the other day, and decided to try to whip up something about an NPC that I'd never really given much thought before. I hope you'll like it.
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Yay! A Kivan fic. It will be interesting to see what you come up with, considering that there's very little to go on w/r/t his personality in the game, except for all his Deheriana/vengeance comments. I really like the guy, although I don't think of him in a romantic light.
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Well, as you will know by now, I went by what I perceive in the game, namely that Deheriana and vengeance is all he has left.
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Empty[/quote]
Btw, I loved your title. So amorphous, it can apply to almost anything in your story: how Kivan is empty, his vengeance is empty, Kyllin's (lol! Great pun of a PC name) victory is empty. You always challenge your readers, which is just one reason why your stories are such a delight.
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Thank you!
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[quote]Soon, it would all be over. The pain would be gone, as would the hatred, the emptiness that had lived at the core of him since that day, the day when she was lost to him.[/quote]
Omg! This is just such a tragic opening, especially when re-reading this (and therefore knowing the ending).
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Oh yes...poor man.
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Another aspect of this that I like is your story structure. You begin plausibly enough and little by little lock us within his ?deluded ?warped world. The descent into his vengeance-ridden mind is so gradually that his perceptions don't *appear* awry -- unlike if you had commenced the story w/ the voices in his head -- just like his descent into his delusions was possibly gradual as well.
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Thanks!
Yes, I tried to make it very gradual, make it appear entirely natural and logical at first, much as it does to him.
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[quote]The temple ahead didn’t look so much built as secreted, an ugly and dark structure, covered with hideous statues of skulls and monsters. He heard his companions whispering quietly, nervously, about their impressions of it, but he remained silent as always. Watching. Listening.[/quote]
Think he would've made a good Helmite, if he hadn't been an elf?
Btw, this was an excellent thumbnail description. You really show Kivan's dislike of this place by how he describes it to himself ("foul residue").
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It's a pretty unsightly place all right.
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Tazok. Let Kyllin slay her brother, and take her own vengeance for her foster father’s death, for the attempts on her life. But Tazok is mine.[/quote]
And his obsession w/ revenge has so tainted Kivan's mind that he sees Kyllin's quest merely as her seeking vengeance against Sarevok.
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Exactly. That's where his focus lies, after all.
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[quote]Kivan nodded quietly to himself, checking his arrows.[/quote]
I don't know how to say this, but the entire arrow inventory passage was ... chilling. Chilling and lethal. It sort of reminds me of Norman Bates (in that horror movie classic
Psycho) showing off his bird taxidermy trophies.
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Wow! I hadn't thought of Norman Bates...interesting parallel! It was meant to be somewhat creepy, yes.
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[quote]And then, finally, his
price, his most precious arrow of all.[/quote]
Um no offense, but you probably meant "prize," right?
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Yep, you're right.
Thanks for pointing it out!
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[quote]It was black, black as midnight, and the feather was black as well. [/quote]
Tazok is black-hearted, the arrow is black, vengeance is dark. I like how you arranged this. I'd never tried the AOS...
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I don't think I've tried it either, actually.
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[quote]I will look him into the eyes, into his foul little piggish eyes. He will know me when he sees me, and he will fear me. And I will say: ‘I am Kivan Lil’arlin’ellen. You tortured and killed my beloved Deheriana. Now you die.’ [/quote]
Another incremental descent into his vengeance-madness, his fantasy world.
Quote sounds familiar: Princess Bride?
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Princess Bride, yes.
One of my favorite movies ever.
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[quote]Yes…he will die, and we will both have peace at last. I love you…my Kivan, my devoted one. [/quote]
In some ways he reminds me a lot of Norman Bates. Is he imagining the voice? Is it the elven goddess of vengeance, mimicking Deheriana in an effort to turn Kivan to evil? I started to feel unsettled when he obsessed about the arrows, but this part here really made me creep out -- when I first read this, and more so the second and third times.
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I think this is only his imagination at work, but your interpretation is a very interesting one!
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[quote]Kyllin frowned, but then she shrugged and walked on, focused on her own quest for vengeance. How sad that, from the get-go, he only thinks of Kyllin in terms of her having the same motivation or in how she's helped him with *his* goals.[/quote]
There he goes, thinking about vengeance again, whereas Kyllin seems genuinely concerned about him. I'm wondering in terms of backstory: do you think she loved Kivan, or merely was fond of him? You really make me wonder, what with her distraction for his well-being here, then her crying over him later... That would be the height of irony, wouldn't it? He's focusing on (possibly) non-extant voices in his head, when there are flesh and blood people who care about him.
Btw, I was impressed how you enumerated the party members w/o it sounding forced.
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*nods* I think she may well have been in love with him, actually, but he isn't even aware of it, sadly.
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[quote]When he fought, then he was perfectly focused, his arrows flying with the utmost precision as they had always done. When he did not, then he retreated away from this world of shades and ghosts, into the real one, where Deheriana awaited him, smiling with her arms outstretched. [/quote]
And when I read this line, I did a double-take and had to re-read it to make sure it said what I thought. Omg!!!! He's really lost it.
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Oh yes, I'm afraid so.
He's a bit of a 'walking dead man'.
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Tazok simply stared at him, his piggish eyes registering nothing but utter confusion. Then he opened his mouth and spoke, a single word that broke all the painstakingly constructed walls in Kivan’s mind, a word that tore the old wound in his soul open once again. “Who?”[/quote]
The height of irony--but it makes perfect sense. He's a brute! He ran assorted bandit troups! He *liked* torturing people! Why, oh why, would he remember one random brutality amongst hundreds, thousands maybe?
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My point exactly. I think it makes perfect sense that he wouldn't remember.
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I am nothing. Nothing. It wasn’t Deheriana who kept me alive. It was Tazok, and the thought, the need of slaying him. And now…he is gone. Gone. I am all alone.[/quote]
This had to be the most tragic part of your story. So powerfully written, such evocative emotions, in such a limited space. *This* is the real denouement.
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Thank you!
High praise indeed!
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There are no words to express how wonderful -- how heartbreakingly tragic (precisely because it is so plausible) -- your vignette was. I am in awe.
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Thank you for sharing this masterpiece.[/quote]
*blush* I'm very flattered by your kind words, and I'm glad you enjoyed it that much, especially since you're a fan of Kivan!
Rogues do it from behind.