Jump to content


A Cappella Part 50 - The Cult


  • Please log in to reply
33 replies to this topic

#1 Guest_Silrana_*

Posted 13 November 2001 - 03:30 AM

Well, Jarran is still sulking over Valygar getting so much attention, so I got someone else to talk to me instead.

 

Jan watched as Jarran sat coughing on the tunnel floor. The skald grumbled, “For a cult, they have a funny way of making it easy for people to join them.”

As he peered into the trapped room, Keldorn said, “Most likely they expect their converts to come in the company of a believer. This gas and the creatures we fought are to keep away the curious and the hostile.”

“At this point, I'm both. Don't look at me that way, Keldorn, I'll put on a good show.” Jarran cleared his throat one last time then stood. “Jan, take a peek.”

“Sure thing.” Jan slipped into the trapped room, then returned quickly. “We've struck gold. There are guards just beyond the door. Time for the big act.”

Jarran nodded. “Anomen, Keldorn, cover up anything that identifies your allegiances. They probably have some sort of magical sight. Everyone else, look interested.”

Minsc grumbled, “Boo does not like this place. There is something he smells that is very disturbing.”

“Kay doesn't like it any better than Boo does. Well, hopefully this won't take long.”

The group approached the guards, all of who had strips of cloth across their eyes… or where their eyes previously were. Blind or not, they snapped to attention at the party's approach. A priest who had been speaking to the apparent leader of the guards turned to them. “Hold, you tread on sacred ground! Only those who serve the Unseeing Eye may enter. I am Gaal, High Priest of the One God.”

Jarran started to smile, then seemed to decide it would be a wasted effort. “I came in search of knowledge of this god and of the service he requires.”

The blind priest gave him a smile that was more frightening than welcoming. “The Unseeing Eye has brought us enlightenment. Only by removing our eyes can we remove the veil of lies and deceit clouding our lives. He is the most ancient and wise of the race you might know as 'beholders'. We servants have flocked to him gladly, and his mighty power protects us. You would be wise to serve him as we do.”

Jan heard a hiss of breath and looked at Anomen in annoyance. Why did he always wind up with pompous prats who didn't know the first thing about blending in and playing a role? There, that priest was looking Ano's way. Hopefully he wouldn't realize the gasp was from disgust.

Jarran hurried on to distract Gaal. “Does that mean this beholder has no eye? Wouldn't it be weakened?”

“Without his eye, the One God is stronger, not weaker. He has made mountains tremble and easily destroyed those fools who have come seeking his destruction. Only those who serve Him are safe always. If you desire this safety, then the unholy eyes are removed from your head during the sacred initiation. If you survive and are proven faithful, the Unseeing Eye accepts you into service.”

Keldorn said in a low rumble, “And if you don't survive?”

“There are those, of course, without the stamina to serve our God. The weak of faith, the meek, the old who are set in their ways…” Gaal's voice had a slightly malicious edge to it. “The bodies of these weak ones are cast into the Pit of the Faithless.”

“I'm not sure if we have the faith to survive that. We are just learning about your god, after all. Surely we could wait?”

“Your spirit is weak indeed. However… there may be a task you can perform while you contemplate the greatness of the Unseeing Eye. There is an artifact of great power in the lower levels of this ancient structure. If you retrieve it, you will have earned great favor.”

“What is it?”

“It is a rod, or rather part of a rod, that you will find on an altar. I will give you a key to gain entrance to the lower levels, and you may walk freely among the believers here.”

“All right. We will get it for the… great one.”

They entered the area beyond the guards. There was a guarded pit, and a strange altar. Men and women with earnest expressions on their bandaged faces were moving in and out of doorways. Suddenly all activity stopped, and the worshippers turned towards the center of the room.

A priest was leading a young man up to the altar. The younger man appeared to be a priest himself, and was wearing a symbol of Helm. The cultist boomed out, “Do you revoke the weakness of the sighted?”

“I do.”

“Then you revoke the false power of sight and the equally false god that you have served, and embrace the true vision of Holy Blindness?”

Jan heard Jarran whisper to Anomen, “Do you know him?”

“Not personally, but I have seen him in the temple. He was ordained fairly recently.” The priest's lips were set in a hard, thin line as he watched the ceremony.

The new recruit proudly said, “I revoke my false worship. Take my foul sight master. Let the orbs and their poisonous sight be torn from my body! Let me be made pure!”

“So shall it be done. Be you pure of intent and you shall live. Cling to the foul sight and you shall die. Let it be done!” The cult priest rapidly stabbed at the young man's face, once then twice. The former priest of Helm screamed as blood poured down his face, and he fell to his knees, clutching his hands over the wounds.

The cultist said disdainfully, “The Unseeing Eye sees that you are not worthy and the blood at my feet proves it. Take him away.”

The bleeding man was dragged to a large pit, and they could hear his screams as he was cast into the darkness. Loud moans followed, then a shriek, and then silence.

“Paladin!” Jaheira hissed. “Shield your emotions. You will give us away.”

With an obvious effort, Keldorn wiped the revulsion from his face. As the knight pulled himself together, Jan said, “And that goes for you, too, Ano. What are you doing?”

Jan had looked around to see that Anomen's eyes were closed and his lips were moving in a silent prayer. His cloak was pulled around him, and it seemed sure that underneath it the priest was clutching his holy symbol.

Anomen opened his eyes and muttered, “It was obvious what I was doing, gnome, and don't call me Ano. Now speak no more of it.”

Jaheira arched an eyebrow. “A prayer for his soul, Anomen? I didn't think pity came easily for Helmites.”

He stared at her coldly. “I do not pity him. To turn away from He Who Sees All to embrace blindness is reprehensible. He was betraying everything that a priest of Helm should stand for, and he deserved his fate.”

“Then why…?”

“Because… because he failed the initiation. I was praying in the hope that his failure meant that he still had faith in his heart. If so, then perhaps there is a chance that Helm can forgive his weakness.”

Keldorn said, “You judge your brother harshly, then?”

“Sir Keldorn, with respect, you are a paladin but you are not a priest. The clergy must ask much of themselves to justify the abilities that our god gives us. Helm has every right to expect proper service and faith from his priests.”

“But priests are still mortal beings.”

“Of course. I make no claim to be free of transgressions, and I bless Helm for his forgiveness. But some sins are too great to ignore.”

Jan snorted. “Could you guys have your theological discussion another time?”

“Yes,” Minsc chimed in. “Boo and Minsc demand that butts must be kicked for these horrors. Boo is greatly troubled that these evil-doers have no eyes for him to go for.”

They left the cultist temple, glad to leave the strange devotees behind them. They explored down the corridor that Gaal had told them about, when suddenly Keldorn said, “Stop!”

Jan, a few paces ahead of him, turned around in irritation. “That's my line, Keldy.”

“There is a great evil nearby. Something…old.”

Jarran peered down the hallway, then nodded. “We'll go slowly, then.”

A bit farther down the corridor they found more blind people. The head of one snapped up at the sound of their approach. “Be wary, my friends. Someone is coming.”

Jan looked at them curiously. The others they had seen seemed to have sight by some magical means, but this group appeared truly blind.

Jarran obviously had made the same observation, and said, “We mean you no harm. Are you followers of the Unseeing Eye?”

“We once were, though no longer. Our eyes were opened to his true intent, if you will pardon my poor humor. I am Sassar, the leader of this small group.”

“What did you mean by his true intent?”

“The beholder seeks a rod of great power. This artifact is so powerful that the gods themselves split the device in two and hid it away. He wants this item badly.”

“How do you know this?”

“I may not look it now, but once I was his high priest. When I discovered his lust for power, I renounced him… and lost the powers he had granted me. Now I am just a blind fool, huddling in rags beneath the sewers.”

“Why don't you return to the surface? Surely you would find help there?”

“Without our sight, we would be easy prey for the predators in the sewers, even going in a group . We have found a reasonably safe haven in this place. We have become skilled at scavenging from the cult, and hunting what small creatures we can find. It has kept us alive, at least.”

“I am interested in hearing more about this rod. We are investigating the cult on behalf of the temple of Helm, and are pretending to be worshippers. Gaal wants us to find it for him.”

“No! The beholder must not have it! My friend, he already has one piece in his lair, if he obtains the other he will be more dangerous than you can imagine.”

“Then we will take you to the surface and tell the temple what we have found.”

“Wait… long ago, we realized that the rod could be used to destroy the monster. If you can get it, come to me, and I will tell you how to find the other piece and kill the Unseeing Eye. Will you do this? You would be saving who knows how many souls from making the same foolish mistake that I did.”

“Of course.”

“Then you have my thanks. You may rest here if you wish. My only request is that you not disturb the sarcophagus in that room. We find it… unsettling.”

Keldorn stared hard at it. “Yes, I am sure that is the source of the evil I sensed earlier. Jarran, we should leave it be as long as these folk make their home here.”

The group decided to have a short rest in a small chamber. Jan was bored and ready to go, but the others didn't seem in any hurry to get moving. The gnome decided that this was the perfect time for a little fun. Anomen was looking particularly glum, and he always made a good target. “So, Ano, do you think Sassar was a priest of Helm, too?”

The squire glared at him. “I have no idea, and I told you before not to call me Ano.”

“I suppose I keep using it because the name sounds so familiar. I remember my mammy telling me a tale of a heavily brain damaged orc called Ano. The story goes that Ano was trudging through the forest one day, looking for bull droppings with which he could stuff his mattress, when he happened across a remarkable scene. A brave and noble knight, Jen the Brilliant by name, fought with an evil giant. Ano watched as Jen slew the giant. Then the knight rode off to save several small children from a wicked witch, also known as a noblewoman, who was attempting to poison the poor dears. Regardless, Ano promptly cut off the head of the fallen giant and ran home to his home in the Dung Orc village and claimed that he had killed the monster.”

“I warn you, gnome, you are treading on dangerous ground.”

“Did I mention that Ano had a nasty habit of interrupting folk? Anyway, the giant's brother heard of his siblings demise and the subsequent display of his head in Dung Town. He caught up to Ano, who was stupidly stuffing his mattress with bull dung, and returned to his cave with the orc stuffed through his belt.”

“Jan…” Jarran said disapprovingly, but the gnome was having too much fun to heed the warning.

“As punishment for his brother's supposed murderer, he tied a porcupine to the orc's head and proceeded to clean his latrine with the makeshift orc brush. Much to the giant's dismay, Ano actually enjoyed it. Maybe that's why the story reminds me of you. I bet you did plenty of latrine cleaning for the Order.”

“Cease your prattling, fool.”

“Come on, Ano. Share some stories of your glorious days as a squire, mucking out stables and shining other people's armor.”

Jan was rather startled to find himself slammed up against the wall, his boots dangling several feet above the floor. Anomen's face was mere inches from his, and the squire hissed, “Don't… call…me… Ano.”

The gnome had never seen the priest's face that particular shade before, but he felt he should brazen it through. “What's wrong, Ano? Did street bullies call you that? Or was it other squires? Sorry if that name brings back bad associations.”

“Just the opposite, you loathsome vermin. There have only been two people who have called me that, and since you are neither my sister nor my… someone I cared about, you have no right to sully those pleasant memories with your drivel!”

Feeling rather choked by Anomen's tight grip on the collar of his robe, he muttered, “Careful, squire, your paly-boy is watching. You don't want the Order to make the wrong decision, do you?”

Jan was surprised to see a look of utter despair come into Anomen's eyes. The priest whispered, “I am not afraid of the Order making the wrong decision… I am afraid of them making the right one.” Then the rage returned to his eyes, and he let go his grip, letting Jan fall to the floor. “Do not pester me in the future, gnome, or our new method of locating traps will be to fling you in the appropriate direction and see what happens.” He turned and stiffly marched out of the room. Keldorn and Jarran exchanged a look, and followed him out.

Jan pulled himself to his feet, and went to sit between Jaheira and Minsc. “That boy is a mite touchy. Shame he can't take a joke.”

Jaheira glared at him. “You would garner much more sympathy from me, gnome, if your hand wasn't on my knee. Remove it if you wish to continue breathing.”

He sighed. “Well, at least you're my friend, right, Minsc?”

The ranger glared at him. “Stay well away, annoying one. Boo has still not recovered from your fiendish attempt to steal him away from Minsc.”

“Gee, doesn't anyone want to be my friend?” Jan said sarcastically.

Jaheira snorted. “And you are surprised by this? You make a truly heroic effort to irritate us all, and you expect any other reaction? Why do you stay, gnome, if you have no regard for our feelings?”

“Why, for the sheer entertainment value alone! There's you and Jarran circling each other like dogs trying to decide if they should fight or mate, there's Minsc over there with the amazing telepathic hamster…”

“A miniature giant space hamster,” Minsc interjected.

“There's stick-in-the-mud Keldy worrying something over in his mind, probably something like whether or not he genuflected deep enough the last time he was in his temple. And then there's our little squire, and I won't even mention where his stick is! I'm having too much fun to leave!”



#2 Arcalian

Posted 13 November 2001 - 04:50 AM

> > Anomen opened his eyes and muttered, “It was obvious what I was doing,

> gnome, and don't call me Ano. Now speak no more of it.”

> Jaheira arched an eyebrow. “A prayer for his soul, Anomen? I didn't think

> pity came easily for Helmites.”

> He stared at her coldly. “I do not pity him. To turn away from He Who Sees

> All to embrace blindness is reprehensible. He was betraying everything

> that a priest of Helm should stand for, and he deserved his fate.”

> “Then why…?”

> “Because… because he failed the initiation. I was praying in the hope that

> his failure meant that he still had faith in his heart. If so, then

> perhaps there is a chance that Helm can forgive his weakness.”

> Keldorn said, “You judge your brother harshly, then?”

> “Sir Keldorn, with respect, you are a paladin but you are not a priest.

> The clergy must ask much of themselves to justify the abilities that our

> god gives us. Helm has every right to expect proper service and faith from

> his priests.”

> “But priests are still mortal beings.”

> “Of course. I make no claim to be free of transgressions, and I bless Helm

> for his forgiveness. But some sins are too great to ignore.”

> Jan snorted. “Could you guys have your theological discussion another

> time?”

Like the two sanctimonious ones trying to out-Holier-than-thou eachother.

> Jan was rather startled to find himself slammed up against the wall, his

> boots dangling several feet above the floor. Anomen's face was mere inches

> from his, and the squire hissed, “Don't… call…me… Ano.”

Someday soon, some fanfic, probably mine, will have Anomen dropping weapons and gauntlets, and simply beating the living crud out of Jan. Who will deserve it. And then, Jan will shut up.

For a while.

The road to the abyss may be paved with good intentions, but it is those with bad intentions that race down that road as fast as they can.

#3 Requiem

Posted 13 November 2001 - 05:16 AM

> Well, Jarran is still sulking over Valygar getting so much attention, so I

> got someone else to talk to me instead.

Oh good!

> > “Of course.”

> “I suppose I keep using it because the name sounds so familiar. I remember

> my mammy telling me a tale of a heavily brain damaged orc called Ano. The

> story goes that Ano was trudging through the forest one day, looking for

> bull droppings with which he could stuff his mattress, when he happened

> across a remarkable scene. A brave and noble knight, Jen the Brilliant by

> name, fought with an evil giant. Ano watched as Jen slew the giant. Then

> the knight rode off to save several small children from a wicked witch,

> also known as a noblewoman, who was attempting to poison the poor dears.

> Regardless, Ano promptly cut off the head of the fallen giant and ran home

> to his home in the Dung Orc village and claimed that he had killed the

> monster.”

> “I warn you, gnome, you are treading on dangerous ground.”

Oh, Jan. When will you learn that entertainment is supposed to be fun for everyone?

> “Did I mention that Ano had a nasty habit of interrupting folk? Anyway,

> the giant's brother heard of his siblings demise and the subsequent

> display of his head in Dung Town. He caught up to Ano, who was stupidly

> stuffing his mattress with bull dung, and returned to his cave with the

> orc stuffed through his belt.”

*sigh*

> > Jan was rather startled to find himself slammed up against the wall, his

> boots dangling several feet above the floor. Anomen's face was mere inches

> from his, and the squire hissed, “Don't… call…me… Ano.”

*applauds*

> Jan was surprised to see a look of utter despair come into Anomen's eyes.

> The priest whispered, “I am not afraid of the Order making the wrong

> decision… I am afraid of them making the right one.” Then the rage

> returned to his eyes, and he let go his grip, letting Jan fall to the

> floor. “Do not pester me in the future, gnome, or our new method of

> locating traps will be to fling you in the appropriate direction and see

> what happens.” He turned and stiffly marched out of the room. Keldorn and

> Jarran exchanged a look, and followed him out.

*snicker*

> Jaheira glared at him. “You would garner much more sympathy from me,

> gnome, if your hand wasn't on my knee. Remove it if you wish to continue

> breathing.”

*chuckle*

> He sighed. “Well, at least you're my friend, right, Minsc?”

Guess again, Jan.

> Jaheira snorted. “And you are surprised by this? You make a truly heroic

> effort to irritate us all, and you expect any other reaction? Why do you

> stay, gnome, if you have no regard for our feelings?”

You tell him, Jaheira!

> “There's stick-in-the-mud Keldy worrying something over in his mind,

> probably something like whether or not he genuflected deep enough the last

> time he was in his temple. And then there's our little squire, and I won't

> even mention where his stick is! I'm having too much fun to leave!”

Glad to see another installment and hope Jarran is talking again soon, but Jan is always a good fill-in! And such a conversationalist! I'm always surprised that he manages to survive since his stories seem calculated to make most people drop kick him into the next county!



#4 Weyoun

Posted 13 November 2001 - 08:42 AM

> Well, Jarran is still sulking over Valygar getting so much attention, so I

> got someone else to talk to me instead.

Oh? Jarran is jealous then? *grin* He doesn't seem the type... ;) Have you tried to get him to talk by bribing him? I can always win over Vierna with a lemony lollipop... :(

> Jan watched as Jarran sat coughing on the tunnel floor. The skald

> grumbled, “For a cult, they have a funny way of making it easy for people

> to join them.”

LOL! True... That reminds me of a scene from Seinfeld where a cult won members by posing as carpetcleaning. And they wouldn't even offer George to join, making George try to get them to make the offer to turn the cult down... During that ep. he uttered the famous quote :"What kind of a stuck-up cult is this?!"

> Jarran nodded. “Anomen, Keldorn, cover up anything that identifies your

> allegiances. They probably have some sort of magical sight. Everyone else,

> look interested.”

You know, Keldorn is this famous knight, and I always wondered why nobody recognized him... same with the paladins on the bridge-section... The fallen ones do acknowldege his presence, but accept his lame excuse. I'm sure they must have seen Keldorn walk about the halls some time...

> Jan heard a hiss of breath and looked at Anomen in annoyance. Why did he

> always wind up with pompous prats who didn't know the first thing about

> blending in and playing a role? There, that priest was looking Ano's way.

> Hopefully he wouldn't realize the gasp was from disgust.

Apparently Anomen doesn't have the word "undercover" in his vocubulary... Or at least he only partially understands it... :)

> The new recruit proudly said, “I revoke my false worship. Take my foul

> sight master. Let the orbs and their poisonous sight be torn from my body!

> Let me be made pure!”

Geez... faith can be a freaky thing...

> “Of course. I make no claim to be free of transgressions, and I bless Helm

> for his forgiveness. But some sins are too great to ignore.”

> Jan snorted. “Could you guys have your theological discussion another

> time?”

LOL! Go Jan!

> “Yes,” Minsc chimed in. “Boo and Minsc demand that butts must be kicked

> for these horrors. Boo is greatly troubled that these evil-doers have no

> eyes for him to go for.”

Heh, now that IS a serious problem... :)

> They left the cultist temple, glad to leave the strange devotees behind

> them. They explored down the corridor that Gaal had told them about, when

> suddenly Keldorn said, “Stop!”

> Jan, a few paces ahead of him, turned around in irritation. “That's my

> line, Keldy.”

Yeah! What line will Keldorn steal next? "Make it so,", "These pretzels are making me thirsty," or even "Keldorn is gettin' upset!!" :D

> “I suppose I keep using it because the name sounds so familiar. I remember

> my mammy telling me a tale of a heavily brain damaged orc called Ano. The

> story goes that Ano was trudging through the forest one day, looking for

> bull droppings with which he could stuff his mattress, when he happened

> across a remarkable scene. A brave and noble knight, Jen the Brilliant by

> name, fought with an evil giant. Ano watched as Jen slew the giant. Then

> the knight rode off to save several small children from a wicked witch,

> also known as a noblewoman, who was attempting to poison the poor dears.

> Regardless, Ano promptly cut off the head of the fallen giant and ran home

> to his home in the Dung Orc village and claimed that he had killed the

> monster.”

ROTFL! I LOVE that story!

> “As punishment for his brother's supposed murderer, he tied a porcupine to

> the orc's head and proceeded to clean his latrine with the makeshift orc

> brush. Much to the giant's dismay, Ano actually enjoyed it.

LOL! I just had this hilalious mental vision! :)

> Jaheira glared at him. “You would garner much more sympathy from me,

> gnome, if your hand wasn't on my knee. Remove it if you wish to continue

> breathing.”

Jan : "Ermm, gee how did that get there? My hand has a mind of his own, that's for sure. Why, I remember that during the last family reunion, ole Lefty was unconsciously eyein' the bowl of turnips on the left of me, while his brother, ole Rightly was eyein' a leg of turnip-laced chicken. so while I was blissfully talking to my brother, Snoop-kitty-cat Jansen, urban rap sensation, I was suddenly pulled into two direction with great force. I tried to talk my hands into come back to me : Bribes, pleas, cries, violence... but nothing helped! I ended up with arms as long as the table, which came in handy actually for reaching the salt on the otherside of the table or to shoo the griffins from the roof... Shame they shrunk again, after I did the laundry... Washing-powder is a killer, you know..."

> The ranger glared at him. “Stay well away, annoying one. Boo has still not

> recovered from your fiendish attempt to steal him away from Minsc.”

> “Gee, doesn't anyone want to be my friend?” Jan said sarcastically.

*Raises hand* ME! I DO wanna be your friend!!! We could chat for hours!:D

> “Why, for the sheer entertainment value alone! There's you and Jarran

> circling each other like dogs trying to decide if they should fight or

> mate, there's Minsc over there with the amazing telepathic hamster…”

> “A miniature giant space hamster,” Minsc interjected.

> “There's stick-in-the-mud Keldy worrying something over in his mind,

> probably something like whether or not he genuflected deep enough the last

> time he was in his temple. And then there's our little squire, and I won't

> even mention where his stick is! I'm having too much fun to leave!”

LOL! Go Jan, go!

Ah, you wake up the morning and find four great stories waiting at the Attic... *sigh* How could I have ever done without this great place... I loved the story (and Jan). Anymore soon?

---Weyoun

TnT Enhanced Edition: http://www.fanfictio...rds-and-Tempers

---
Sith Warrior - Master, I can sense your anger.

Darth Baras - A blind, comotose lobotomy-patient could sense my anger!

---

"The New Age? It's just the old age stuck in a microwave oven for fifteen seconds" - James Randi

#5 Laufey

Posted 13 November 2001 - 08:59 AM

> Well, Jarran is still sulking over Valygar getting so much attention, so I

> got someone else to talk to me instead.

Heh, I've got some similar problems at the moment. These characters can be *such* primadonnas, can't they? ;)

> “Then you revoke the false power of sight and the equally false god that

> you have served, and embrace the true vision of Holy Blindness?”

Tough choice, right? :)

> “Of course. I make no claim to be free of transgressions, and I bless Helm

> for his forgiveness. But some sins are too great to ignore.”

That's why I prefer CN Ano. More relaxed about these things. :)

> “Come on, Ano. Share some stories of your glorious days as a squire,

> mucking out stables and shining other people's armor.”

> Jan was rather startled to find himself slammed up against the wall, his

> boots dangling several feet above the floor. Anomen's face was mere inches

> from his, and the squire hissed, “Don't… call…me… Ano.”

Yeah! You go Ano! :D

> > Jaheira glared at him. “You would garner much more sympathy from me,

> gnome, if your hand wasn't on my knee. Remove it if you wish to continue

> breathing.”

He's really pushing it...

> He sighed. “Well, at least you're my friend, right, Minsc?”

> The ranger glared at him. “Stay well away, annoying one. Boo has still not

> recovered from your fiendish attempt to steal him away from Minsc.”

> “Gee, doesn't anyone want to be my friend?” Jan said sarcastically.

Oh, I do wonder why! :( Great installment as usual!


Rogues do it from behind.

#6 Guest_Silrana_*

Posted 13 November 2001 - 12:40 PM

> Like the two sanctimonious ones trying to out-Holier-than-thou eachother.

*grin* You know it's funny, lots of people think of paladins as the ultimate holy figure in D&D, but priests are closer to their gods than paladins. I think everyone just likes the swords.

> Someday soon, some fanfic, probably mine, will have Anomen dropping

> weapons and gauntlets, and simply beating the living crud out of Jan. Who

> will deserve it. And then, Jan will shut up.

> For a while.

I always figured Jan was someone at Bioware's pet. With all the options for interparty conflict, you would think there would be at least *one* NPC that would suddenly scream "That's it, I'm not taking it anymore!" and proceed to throttle Jan with their bare hands. I know I would.



#7 Guest_Silrana_*

Posted 13 November 2001 - 12:46 PM

> Oh good!

At least the WB is cracking a bit.

> Oh, Jan. When will you learn that entertainment is supposed to be fun for

> everyone?

Ummm, never?

> *sigh*

> *applauds*

If Keldorn hadn't been there, he probably would have been punctuating each word with a thud of Jan's head into the wall.

> *snicker*

> *chuckle*

> Guess again, Jan.

If you look at the game dialogues, I don't think there is a single NPC that likes having Jan around, for good reason it would seem.

> You tell him, Jaheira!

Jaheira never pulls her punches, at leas the verbal ones.

> Glad to see another installment and hope Jarran is talking again soon, but

> Jan is always a good fill-in! And such a conversationalist! I'm always

> surprised that he manages to survive since his stories seem calculated to

> make most people drop kick him into the next county!

Jarran's just huffy because some of the AC parts I've been working on lately are the less cheerful ones. He'll loosen up. But as far as Jan goes... he'll survive, though I indeed wonder how.



#8 Guest_Silrana_*

Posted 13 November 2001 - 01:06 PM

> Oh? Jarran is jealous then? *grin* He doesn't seem the type... ;) Have you

> tried to get him to talk by bribing him? I can always win over Vierna with

> a lemony lollipop... :(

Jarran: *glaring* I am *not* jealous. I am merely annoyed that when Silrana finally decides to pay attention to me and my group, it is to work on the less... entertaining parts of our lives. Really, some of the moments she is making me relive would make anyone grumpy.

> LOL! True... That reminds me of a scene from Seinfeld where a cult won

> members by posing as carpetcleaning. And they wouldn't even offer George

> to join, making George try to get them to make the offer to turn the cult

> down... During that ep. he uttered the famous quote :"What kind of a

> stuck-up cult is this?!"

*grin*

> You know, Keldorn is this famous knight, and I always wondered why nobody

> recognized him... same with the paladins on the bridge-section... The

> fallen ones do acknowldege his presence, but accept his lame excuse. I'm

> sure they must have seen Keldorn walk about the halls some time...

Well, FR doesn't have TV or movies. Lots of people might know his name, but unless they personally met him they wouldn't know his face. That's how armor and weapons got to have names and reputations, because often the only way to identify someone was by recognizing unique things they wore, or something personal like a scar.

And as far as the fallen paladins go... lots of other people go into the hall, and we don't know what the membership is, so there might be lots of knights who don't know each other. And I got the impression that Keldorn traveled a lot.

> Apparently Anomen doesn't have the word "undercover" in his

> vocubulary... Or at least he only partially understands it... :)

He just has a rough time covering up his feelings.

> Geez... faith can be a freaky thing...

It's not a church I would run out and join.

> LOL! Go Jan!

Reminding them there is a time and place for everything...

> Heh, now that IS a serious problem... :)

Poor Boo is heartbroken.

> Yeah! What line will Keldorn steal next? "Make it so,",

> "These pretzels are making me thirsty," or even "Keldorn is

> gettin' upset!!" :D

Are you sure you're not part Jansen?

> ROTFL! I LOVE that story!

> LOL! I just had this hilalious mental vision! :)

Hmmm, you would.

> Jan : "Ermm, gee how did that get there? My hand has a mind of his

> own, that's for sure. Why, I remember that during the last family reunion,

> ole Lefty was unconsciously eyein' the bowl of turnips on the left of me,

> while his brother, ole Rightly was eyein' a leg of turnip-laced chicken.

> so while I was blissfully talking to my brother, Snoop-kitty-cat Jansen,

> urban rap sensation, I was suddenly pulled into two direction with great

> force. I tried to talk my hands into come back to me : Bribes, pleas,

> cries, violence... but nothing helped! I ended up with arms as long as the

> table, which came in handy actually for reaching the salt on the otherside

> of the table or to shoo the griffins from the roof... Shame they shrunk

> again, after I did the laundry... Washing-powder is a killer, you

> know..."

*Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh*

> *Raises hand* ME! I DO wanna be your friend!!! We could chat for hours!:D

*Silrana backs slowly away* I have serious doubts about your sanity right about now.

> LOL! Go Jan, go!

Now I don't have any doubts, I know.

> Ah, you wake up the morning and find four great stories waiting at the

> Attic... *sigh* How could I have ever done without this great place... I

> loved the story (and Jan). Anymore soon?

> ---Weyoun

AC is going to be a bit sporadic for a while. Friday I will be leaving on a two week trip. The first week is to visit family for the Thanksgiving holiday, and the second week my husband and kids will continue to stay with the relatives while I take a computer class about six hours away. So it's one week visiting, and one week in a hotel. But since the class is for work, I'll have my precious laptop with me, so hopefully I won't be completely cut off.



#9 Guest_Silrana_*

Posted 13 November 2001 - 01:15 PM

> Heh, I've got some similar problems at the moment. These characters can be

> *such* primadonnas, can't they? ;)

Especially when you're not working on what they want you to.

> Tough choice, right? :)

Beholder cults are not something I understand at all. One that asks you to put out your eyes is really, really freaky.

> That's why I prefer CN Ano. More relaxed about these things. :)

I don't know, would he be very casual about someone betraying Helm? After all, his problem is with the Order. I would think he would be nearly fanatical about Helm since in the game he doesn't kick him out of the priesthood.

> Yeah! You go Ano! :D

*Anomen glares*: You are not my sister or lover either.

> He's really pushing it...

Oh, yes. He's lucky Jaheira just didn't whack him on the head.

> Oh, I do wonder why! :( Great installment as usual!

Thanks. Just out of curiosity, does anyone besides me find Jan to be the Dr. Smith of the group? The person that you have a hard time understanding why they keep around?



#10 Guest_Anonymous_*

Posted 13 November 2001 - 04:43 PM

Mwaha. Where other people have a sense of when to shut up, Jan has . . . a turnip, probably. This was funny. I've never managed to have him in the party all through the game, myself, but the stories in here keep tempting me to. :)



#11 Guest_Anonymous_*

Posted 13 November 2001 - 04:51 PM

> Jarran: *glaring* I am *not* jealous. I am merely annoyed that when

> Silrana finally decides to pay attention to me and my group, it is to work

> on the less... entertaining parts of our lives. Really, some of the

> moments she is making me relive would make anyone grumpy.

Caliam: Perhaps we need to find agents? There are entire decades of my life in which I'm happy and the only people trying to kill me aren't very good at it, but Alan insists on writing about getting my soul sucked out of me and turning into a lobster-monster. It's just lucky he's so easily distracted.

Alan: Hah. Soon's I finish working out the bugs in my customization project and downloading some music, you're next, bucko. I've got my cable back, and you know what that means.

Caliam: Just don't start acting like your sillier friends and plot crossovers. I like Samurai Jack, but I really wouldn't want to cross swords with the man.


#12 Guest_Oyster Girl_*

Posted 13 November 2001 - 05:26 PM

> Just out of curiosity, does anyone besides me find Jan to be the

> Dr. Smith of the group? The person that you have a hard time understanding

> why they keep around?

I understand Dr. Smith better, honestly. I mean, where are they going to dump him? It would be like leaving someone in the Spellhold maze when you pick up Imoen; it even bugged me to leave Jan down there.


City of Sorrows

#13 Guest_Silrana_*

Posted 13 November 2001 - 06:09 PM

> I understand Dr. Smith better, honestly. I mean, where are they going to

> dump him? It would be like leaving someone in the Spellhold maze when you

> pick up Imoen; it even bugged me to leave Jan down there.

My husband has said repeatedly that if he had been command of the Jupiter II, Dr. Smith would have gone out an airlock at the earliest opportunity. I have a hard time coming up with reasons to disagree with him.

Of course, this is a complete contrast to how he feels about Jonathan Harris, who he adores. He's seen him several times in person, and actually got to talk with him and Billy Mumy in a men's room at Disney World. And before anyone makes any smart remarks, they were at the sink washing their hands at the time. :)



#14 Guest_Silrana_*

Posted 13 November 2001 - 06:10 PM

> Mwaha. Where other people have a sense of when to shut up, Jan has . . . a

> turnip, probably. This was funny. I've never managed to have him in the

> party all through the game, myself, but the stories in here keep tempting

> me to. :)

I can say with complete confidence that he is every bit as annoying in the game as he is in stories. Glad you liked the story.



#15 Guest_Anonymous_*

Posted 13 November 2001 - 06:21 PM

> Caliam: Just don't start acting like your sillier friends and plot

> crossovers. I like Samurai Jack, but I really wouldn't want to cross

> swords with the man.

*shudder*

That would be better than what Nancy has planned: I truly do not think that Draco Malfoy needs to visit Faerun--and I *know* that the idea of Elminster and Dumbledore having tea is utterly terrifying.

A.D.


Tales from the Copper Coronet

#16 Guest_Oyster Girl_*

Posted 13 November 2001 - 06:33 PM

> My husband has said repeatedly that if he had been command of the Jupiter

> II, Dr. Smith would have gone out an airlock at the earliest opportunity.

> I have a hard time coming up with reasons to disagree with him.

Yeah, but neither of you are New Age Good.

I can understand, given the personalities of the Robinson family, why they never left him behind. The phrase "something I wouldn't do to my worst enemy" comes to mind.

> Of course, this is a complete contrast to how he feels about Jonathan

> Harris, who he adores. He's seen him several times in person, and actually

> got to talk with him and Billy Mumy in a men's room at Disney World. And

> before anyone makes any smart remarks, they were at the sink washing their

> hands at the time. :)

*grins* A friend sent me a Santa song, years ago, from Bill Mumy's band. I think that broke me of "Little Will, all growed up" long before Lennier.


City of Sorrows

#17 Guest_Anonymous_*

Posted 13 November 2001 - 06:37 PM

> *shudder*

> That would be better than what Nancy has planned: I truly do not think

> that Draco Malfoy needs to visit Faerun

You gotta admit, though, he'd fit right in in, say, Thay. Until he cheesed off a Red Wizard and got himself disintegrated.

So, it'd be a two-paragraph crossover. :)

> --and I *know* that the idea of

> Elminster and Dumbledore having tea is utterly terrifying.

Now there I'll agree with you wholeheartedly. They'd probably start mirroring each others' movements and speaking in unison after a while, and then the only hope would be for Elminster to bring up his love life. And that's no hope at all.

Caliam: Gah! No! I think I'd prefer a Samurai Jack crossover to that kind of creepy. I mean, if we didn't kill each other, we'd probably get along pretty well, and I could give him some pointers for that Aku guy based on fighting Demogorgon, and . . . now you've got me doing it. Go back to work, Alan.



#18 Weyoun

Posted 13 November 2001 - 07:41 PM

> Thanks. Just out of curiosity, does anyone besides me find Jan to be the

> Dr. Smith of the group? The person that you have a hard time understanding

> why they keep around?

Actually, I had that feeling with Jaheira... :) I just found her annoying as hell after a time and threw her out many times before even going into chapter three...

Now, Jan is a different animal all together. I know I'm running the risk of being declared insane again :), but I LOVE that gnome! For me the greatest highlight of my was the Viconia-romance, the second were all the Jansen stories. I love them all, I love to read them, I love to write them... Jan is the NPC I almost always keep, and for which I drop/let Npc's with a higher powergaming value. I would never exchange Jan for Sarevok or Valygar for instance...

---Weyoun

TnT Enhanced Edition: http://www.fanfictio...rds-and-Tempers

---
Sith Warrior - Master, I can sense your anger.

Darth Baras - A blind, comotose lobotomy-patient could sense my anger!

---

"The New Age? It's just the old age stuck in a microwave oven for fifteen seconds" - James Randi

#19 Guest_Lord E_*

Posted 13 November 2001 - 10:16 PM

Hee! I just love your Jan!

I'll have to make the time to read all your stories... and City of Sorrows... and Girl with no name... AAAGH.


#20 Guest_Anonymous_*

Posted 14 November 2001 - 12:08 AM

> Well, Jarran is still sulking over Valygar getting so much attention, so I

> got someone else to talk to me instead.

Send someone my way if you've got any spares. No one's so much as willing to give me the time of day.

> Jan watched as Jarran sat coughing on the tunnel floor. The skald

> grumbled, “For a cult, they have a funny way of making it easy for people

> to join them.”

I was under the impression that it was leaving that was really the tricky part.

> As he peered into the trapped room, Keldorn said, “Most likely they expect

> their converts to come in the company of a believer. This gas and the

> creatures we fought are to keep away the curious and the hostile.”

> “At this point, I'm both. Don't look at me that way, Keldorn, I'll put on

> a good show.”

*chuckle*

> “But priests are still mortal beings.”

> “Of course. I make no claim to be free of transgressions, and I bless Helm

> for his forgiveness. But some sins are too great to ignore.”

Good answer.

> Jan snorted. “Could you guys have your theological discussion another

> time?”

For once, he has a valid point.

> Jan was rather startled to find himself slammed up against the wall, his

> boots dangling several feet above the floor. Anomen's face was mere inches

> from his, and the squire hissed, “Don't… call…me… Ano.”

Woohoo! Do us all a favour and toss him over a convenient ledge, Anomen. The world will be a much more pleasant place. Quieter, for one.

> Jan was surprised to see a look of utter despair come into Anomen's eyes.

> The priest whispered, “I am not afraid of the Order making the wrong

> decision… I am afraid of them making the right one.”

*sigh*

> floor. “Do not pester me in the future, gnome, or our new method of

> locating traps will be to fling you in the appropriate direction and see

> what happens.” He turned and stiffly marched out of the room. Keldorn and

> Jarran exchanged a look, and followed him out.

*smirk*

> Jaheira glared at him. “You would garner much more sympathy from me,

> gnome, if your hand wasn't on my knee. Remove it if you wish to continue

> breathing.”

Just doesn't learn, does he? I hear that percussive osmosis is an excellent learning method when all else fails. (Translation: Beat 'em over the head with the book and hope that something valuable leaks from the pages and into the skull. It can be adapted by writing, "Shut up." on a brick, in this situation.) Yes. Anyway.

> “There's stick-in-the-mud Keldy worrying something over in his mind,

> probably something like whether or not he genuflected deep enough the last

> time he was in his temple.

Not quite, Janny.

Glad that you managed to pry yourself out of Valygar's clutches long enough to post this. :)

-Ama (And back to lurk we go.)





0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

Skin Designed By Evanescence at IBSkin.com