13 replies to this topic

[Requiem]

Andros coughed twice, not only to clear his throat, but as well to gain the attention of the fat woman behind the bar.

"Madam I would like to have a hot grog for my sore throat."

"I'm sorry, I don't have any grog."

"No grog? A glass of whine maybe?"

"I'm sorry, no."

"I already heard, that You're not servin alcohol to anyone, but I had assumed, that You were only excluding this drunken fisherman from Your patrons."

"That's to his own best, two weeks ago he was so filled up with it, that he fell out of his boat and nearly died in the cold water."

"Now I assure You, that I neither have a boat, nor plan to row over the lake. And contrary to him I'm planning to use the grog for my health not against it. What shall I do when I meet a goblin and I'm to hoarse to cast a spell? Shall I try to beat him over the head with this lousy quarterstaff?"

"I would really like to help You, but I don't have any liquors anymore, no ale no whine, no mead no grog."

"Say which sort of tavern is this?"

"Unfortunately a very dry one,... the last caravans simply dissappeared on their way here,... and now..."

"Wait a second, You can't tell me You haven't stored anything, with the winter so near, You folks from the Dale are hoarding food like hamsters, right? Why no liquors?"

"*Sigh* See, I have supplies, down in the cellar,... but I just don't dare to go down there 'cause of...*the bartender looked left and right, but none of the local patrons seemed to be listening to their conversation* 'cause of the bugs."

"Bugs?"

"Big, nasty, ugly, however You want to describe them, mice I can deal with, rats are no great threat to me as well, but..."

"Okay okay, just tell me where the entrance to Your cellar is, and I'll get a bottle, else I wont see my grog before springtime right?"

"Seems so,... right door behind the bar."

Andros descended the stairs to the cellar. Nothing was to be heard for quite a while, until after almost a quarter of an hour the mage returned with a pale face and a bottle under his arm.

"Are You okay traveler?" the barkeeper asked worriedly.

"...You didn't tell me they were bigger than my feet..."

"I said they were big."

"...They cornered me and tried to eat me..."

"I said they were nasty."

"...I got a bottle..."

"That's vinegar... do You want me to cook You a grog with this? I You want one go back and get me another bottle." the barkeeper smiled evilly.

"You know something madame? I think I'm better buying a shawl instead."

[Weyoun]

> "That's to his own best, two weeks ago he was so filled up with it,

> that he fell out of his boat and nearly died in the cold water."

Ouch! But he needed a nip of brandy to warm up afterwards!

> "Now I assure You, that I neither have a boat, nor plan to row over

> the lake. And contrary to him I'm planning to use the grog for my health

> not against it. What shall I do when I meet a goblin and I'm to hoarse to

> cast a spell? Shall I try to beat him over the head with this lousy

> quarterstaff?"

Good point! How do you actually cast a spell if you're hoarse of too busy coughing up a lung!

> "...They cornered me and tried to eat me..."

> "I said they were nasty."

LOL! Great line!

> "...I got a bottle..."

> "That's vinegar... do You want me to cook You a grog with this? I You

> want one go back and get me another bottle." the barkeeper smiled

> evilly.

A veritable "Oh crap"-moment...

> "You know something madame? I think I'm better buying a shawl

> instead."

Just wait untill you meet the Rhinoceros-Beetle!

Good story! I had some great laughs with this one! Next part soon?

---Weyoun

[Requiem]

> Ouch! But he needed a nip of brandy to warm up afterwards!

Well now, alcohol just increases the blood circulation to the skin, that's where the 'warm' feeling comes from, but that means as well, that the body is loosing even more warmth and the person easier freezes to death. So if he already was drunken before he fell into the cold water what means (judging by the stories about the lake) grave danger when You're sober, it would be a bad idea to give him more alcohol.

> Good point! How do you actually cast a spell if you're hoarse of too

> busy coughing up a lung!

Guess how happy Andros was, when he heard he had to travel to a place called 'Icewind' Dale during wintertime

> LOL! Great line!

> A veritable "Oh crap"-moment...

Thanks seems Andros still has a looong way before him, to become a powerful, respected (or feared) archmage

> Just wait untill you meet the Rhinoceros-Beetle!

Or the umberhulks >)

> Good story! I had some great laughs with this one! Next part soon?

Well,... I've already prepared another story, and an idea for one more,... but well, they are taking place quite late in the timeline, as much as I would like to post them here, it would be too early. And I still need an inspiration for a introduction of the last partymember. Let's what I can do about it

Requiem

[Requiem]

> cool story, and very funny funny reqiuem...will be interested to see how

> the party ends up joing to together...anyay, i noticed a few typos...

Thanks I tried to combine some very contrary characters, still have to see how well that worksd in the story.

I really shouldn't type, when I'm tired *sigh*, thanks for pointing out the typos to me

> 'whine' should be 'wine' btw...

> need a 'g' on the end of 'servin', and no commo between 'assumed' and

> 'that' (i think...)

> *grin* cool argument:)))

Yeah, I tried, the goblins were less than impressed

> 'which' should be 'what'

> wonder what minsc would say to that:)))

"The servants of evil shall be buried under the hamster hoards of righteousness?"

> this whole exchange was too funny:)...looking forward to more:)))

Thanks I'm doing my best.

[Requiem]

> You need a bit more narrative throughout the story. That's my only real

> critique for you.

Hmm, maybe You're right, I could have described the location a little better art the beginning.

> Hehehe! Love it. This had a very Monte Python feel to the ending. Is that

> rat stew and rat pudding? And do the tarts have any rat in them as well?

Hmmm, I haven't seen that much of MP so far, and I can't remember having seen this one.

> And just to contradict what I said above, here, where you're going for the

> punch lines, it's great that it doesn't get bogged down with narrative.

Thanks

[Requiem]

> Not the type I'd be likely to return to at any rate.

I just hope there are no more bugs (of any size) in the food supplies

> Oh yes, I remember this little scence from IWD. I enjoyed that game.

> Especially my thief, Clancy, who was even more clumsy than I. His favorite

> line upon tripping a trap, (which he did with annoying frequency),

> "Dammit!"

Well, the game is a bit linear, there could have been some more sidequests for my taste, but I really enjoyed it nevertheless. A pity that I found out the true name of this 'angry armor' so late... have to play it once more, maybe I can let one of my chars wear it then without problems...

But first I'm getting Throne of Bhaal! Today is the release day! ...And I bet no shopkeeper has it yet. Oh well, I lost track of my thoughts, just ignore it

Well, my favourite character is Scar, he's actually a warrior (but in my story he is a/the bountyhunter, I think most of the bountyhunters in BGI have been warriors or mages as well) he's of lawful evil alignment, and I'm seeing forward to introducing him to four people of good alignment, who'll have to travel with him for the next months >D .

Well I don't know yet, what my characters say about stumbling into a trap, but I surely wont repeat here, what I'm saying to the computer, when it happens

[Requiem]

> Heh... The bartender did kind of understate things there. Has to be a

> little frightening for a 1st level mage!

Stepping on a pin can kill a level 1 mage

> Funny scene. Part of it reminds me of the Monty Python skit about the

> Cheese Shop... (If you are at all interested in British humor... Monty

> Python is, in this American's view, the ultimate. Very, VERY funny... For

> a quick intro on MP, I would suggest Monty Python and the Holy Grail...)

Well, I know a few of MP , and I always wanted to see the Holy Grail, maybe I can get a video of that one, on tv there's nearly nothing of it (I think two years ago they brought something of it around 00:50 in the night

Unfortunately many of the jokes just don't work when they're translated, so this might be the reason, why 'Mister Bean' (with rarely any spoken words at all) is more popular here.

[Requiem]

> Best to get it on video... I'm not sure how much your TV censors would cut

> it up, but here in America there are some scenes that have been removed...

In case any video-shop in town has that one, *sigh*

> Humor is one of those aspects that is difficult to translate because, many

> times, it's more than just language. It is also culture that may determine

> how funny a joke is...

True, but not in all aspects. I think it's rather individual than cultural, what is funny. Once read one of those self-tests in a magazine, to find out, which sort of humor I like, but they used the oldest, stupidest and lamest jokes I ever read, to find out. And the magazin told me, that I was absolutely humorless, old and most likely a grammar teacher or something like that. I wonder what the author of that self-test is calling himself?