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To Question One's Self


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#1 Guest_Mutant Mike_*

Posted 10 April 2001 - 05:01 PM

OK, here is a quick thing I wrote last night...

(closes eyes and hits 'post message')

================================================================================

What are you doing? Are you getting scared? Let it go. It'll be okay.

You've been acting weird lately. You've been doing things that are making them suspicious. You almost made them sick tonight. You know that, don't you? You almost mixed too much in their dinner and they would have found out. Did you want them to find out?

You could just accept what's coming and do everything you're supposed to do. It's not that hard. Why are you fighting it? You must know that you have no choice. Are you trying to give yourself away? You can't, you know. Just let it drop.

Sitting up here, looking down on them… Don't you feel… superior? Nobler? Acting for a higher cause?

You aren't starting to like them, are you? Giving them respect, listening to their hopes, their dreams. When did that start? You knew the path they had to take. And you helped them stay on that path. You didn't trust them to follow it on their own. At least, you couldn't allow them the choice, the possibility of taking a different path. You knew the pain you would suffer.

Didn't it bother you when they dumped you for that snotty bitch that calls herself a thief? She spends more time casting spells than picking locks. Then they came crawling back, begging you to rejoin them. If only they'd known you were following them all along.

When did you start taking an interest in their well-being? Was it as long ago as the Shade Lord? Was it after Firkraag? Were you really trying in every fight they had? In every major battle? Every minor squabble? Did you want them to fail? You could have ended that fight in Windspear much quicker. All you had to do was shoot. Instead, you left it for the druid. Good thing for you she wasn't backing down. You didn't feel bad because of that, did you? The pain when she found out who it was?

Maybe you wanted them to kick you out so you wouldn't have to be nice to them. Is that why you let yourself be seen at the stream? You sure did get an eyeful there, didn't you? That girl-elf could have blown you halfway across Amn. Luckily she didn't have any spells left that day. But that wanna-be paladin just about gave you your death-wish.

Why are you doing this? Turn it loose. The barbarian doesn't like you, but he won't kill you for this.

His little friend has meant more to him than your entire life has meant to yourself. Does that make you jealous? Maybe his proclamations and announcements are starting to get on your nerves. 'Evil butt-kicking' here and heroic duty there. Or is it his speaking to that small creature of his? Is that why you captured him? The fact that he has such a strong relationship with that rodent… And you have… What?

Nothing.

They are all irrelevant. None of that will matter in a couple of days. You won't matter in a couple of days. Accept that.

Are you hoping they will find you?

What is that?

A tear, Yoshimo?

Pathetic.

===============================================================================

There were some questions about the end of 'Calm...'

Thought I would portray that a little here.


#2 Guest_Anonymous_*

Posted 10 April 2001 - 05:12 PM

> OK, here is a quick thing I wrote last night...

Hooray for the quick things!! See? It was't as bad as you thought. ;)

Now, as for the story itself... very entertaining, loved it, until I reached this part:

> What is that?

> A tear, Yoshimo?

> Pathetic.

...and then I almost started sobbing. Poor guy, gotta torture himself like that. Leave that to the wizards next time :o (I'm starting to think just one quiz isn't enough for this guy, hehe)


#3 Guest_Mutant Mike_*

Posted 10 April 2001 - 05:36 PM

> Poor guy, gotta torture himself like

> that. Leave that to the wizards next time ;) (I'm starting to think just

> one quiz isn't enough for this guy, hehe)

He seems like the ultimate good guy doing bad things because he has no choice...

Thank you for the read... and the kick... only next time, please don't use high heels... :o

MM


#4 Guest_kevtg_*

Posted 10 April 2001 - 07:20 PM

Definitely a completely different tone than Calm but it worked. I personally expected some sort of humurous story, but I doubt Yoshimo is feeling all that humourous by this point in the story. The stream-of-consciousness style also worked well for him. Well done.



#5 Guest_Oyster Girl_*

Posted 10 April 2001 - 07:22 PM

> Are you hoping they will find you?

> What is that?

> A tear, Yoshimo?

> Pathetic.

Dear gods.

There's something to be said for quickly dashed-off tales, isn't there?


City of Sorrows

#6 Guest_darkrose_*

Posted 10 April 2001 - 07:32 PM

> There were some questions about the end of 'Calm...'

> Thought I would portray that a little here.

And you did it beautifully.


Tales from the Copper Coronet

#7 Leo

Posted 10 April 2001 - 07:36 PM

> Dear gods.

> There's something to be said for quickly dashed-off tales, isn't there?

Indeed! It was pretty good, wasn't it? :)

Leo


#8 Guest_Anonymous_*

Posted 10 April 2001 - 08:53 PM

Nicely done, Mike. It was sad compared to the Storm tales but it was very, very effective.


#9 Guest_Devon_*

Posted 10 April 2001 - 10:42 PM

That was really good, Mike. The way you wrote the passage was really effective, and as Lara has said, the tear at the end almost broke me. It was interesting to see Yoshi having to come to terms with what he is doing and with what will come. So, did Yoshi have fun watching the little elf-girl at the stream? Naughty Yoshi!

I haven't had any time lately to read the stories on the Attic, but I noticed your postings for Calm. I'll try to read them and comment on them later. But, knowing you, I'm sure they are excellent, and that's all I would be saying anyway. :)


#10 Laufey

Posted 10 April 2001 - 10:59 PM

Yoshimo, IMO is a very interestíng character. A shady past, inner turmoil, enforced betrayal. Enough to drive a man slightly insane I think, and you certainly made him sound tortured. No matter what he may tell himself.


Lady Nightshade's custom portraits
Rogues do it from behind.

#11 Guest_zan_*

Posted 10 April 2001 - 10:59 PM

I wasn't expecting *that* - a twist within your own story, very impressed. You captured Yoshimo very well, inspired a lot of sympathy (poor Yoshi...)

And glad to see you've discovered the virtues of the quickie! :)

(ah...that didn't come out quite how zan wanted it to. The quick story, I meant :0)


#12 Guest_Anonymous_*

Posted 10 April 2001 - 11:26 PM

Poor Yoshimo, torturing himself like that.

-Anaviel


#13 Guest_Anonymous_*

Posted 10 April 2001 - 11:30 PM

> Poor Yoshimo, torturing himself like that.

Better he than another, I always say. ;)


#14 Guest_Silrana_*

Posted 11 April 2001 - 12:51 AM

*sigh*

Reminds me of the heartpangs I had writing my share of the Yoshimo saga I wrote with Arelius. Very touching, my friend.


#15 Guest_Mutant Mike_*

Posted 11 April 2001 - 03:10 AM

> Definitely a completely different tone than Calm but it worked. I

> personally expected some sort of humurous story, but I doubt Yoshimo is

> feeling all that humourous by this point in the story. The

> stream-of-consciousness style also worked well for him. Well done.

I never thought I would be able to write something from this point of view...

I usually prefer humor to drama. I would rather laugh than cry. But sometimes a story just comes out a certain way, as I think everyone here can attest.

Thanks.

The Mutant One


#16 Guest_Mutant Mike_*

Posted 11 April 2001 - 03:42 AM

> That was really good, Mike. The way you wrote the passage was really

> effective, and as Lara has said, the tear at the end almost broke me. It

> was interesting to see Yoshi having to come to terms with what he is doing

> and with what will come. So, did Yoshi have fun watching the little

> elf-girl at the stream? Naughty Yoshi!

Yes, Yoshi was a baaaaad boy. He should be spanked, I say, spanked! Tied down with leather thongs with a collar and.... ummm... never mind...

I think you'll recognize the scene well before it happens...

> I haven't had any time lately to read the stories on the Attic, but I

> noticed your postings for Calm. I'll try to read them and comment on them

> later. But, knowing you, I'm sure they are excellent, and that's all I

> would be saying anyway. ;)

Well, thank you. I'm glad I elicit such confidence from you even though I've only been here a couple weeks. This has really been a lot of fun.

Hopefully my next post will be... a little lighter...

The Mutant One


#17 Guest_darkrose_*

Posted 11 April 2001 - 03:53 AM

> Yes, Yoshi was a baaaaad boy. He should be spanked, I say, spanked! Tied

> down with leather thongs with a collar and.... ummm... never mind...

*waves hand in the air*

I volunteer!



Tales from the Copper Coronet

#18 Guest_Oyster Girl_*

Posted 11 April 2001 - 03:57 AM

> I usually prefer humor to drama. I would rather laugh than cry. But

> sometimes a story just comes out a certain way, as I think everyone here

> can attest.

I don't know if even Jade's story will be able to wring humor out of this part of Yoshi's tale.

Humor before they board the ship is easy. After....


City of Sorrows

#19 Guest_Mutant Mike_*

Posted 11 April 2001 - 04:01 AM

Now! Now! This is supposed to be punishment.

Not entertainment...


#20 Guest_Arelius_*

Posted 11 April 2001 - 10:45 AM

> I never thought I would be able to write something from this point of

> view...

> I usually prefer humor to drama. I would rather laugh than cry. But

> sometimes a story just comes out a certain way, as I think everyone here

> can attest.

And from little acorns...

That's how it starts Mike. You start with one quick comedy. Then before you know it, you've written another one. But that comedy thing, eh. It slowly starts to wear on you to take the next step, to go just a little further, to put one more thought into someone's head that might just explain something else. The thrill of your first just isn't there, though, so you look for more and you keep going, never fully realizing the exaltation of the 'first' time, but you strive for more, and you keep doing it, till it consumes you whole.

Concepts. A thought is a terrible thing to lose.

Good story, Mike.

Arelius





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