But is it art?
"I'm just saying that Nalia is playing a dangerous game," Karis said as he and Imoen entered the courtyard of Keep De'Arnese.
"Oh, come on," Imoen chuckled. "She's a pretty powerful wiz, just like me. If she wants to get involved in boring politics that's her choice, I guess..."
"I know that," Karis conceded. "But she's going against traditions that have been established for centuries. She's going to make a lot of enemies among the nobles and the Cowled Wizards..."
"Like we haven't ticked those jerks off enough as it is," Imoen chuckled. "It's time someone taught them a lesson..."
"The Cowled Wizards send six wizards in an attempt on her life!" Karis said. "They must really fear her..."
"Are you still on about that?" Imoen sighed. "She won, didn't she? What's the problem?"
"That's beside the point," Karis retorted as they stepped through the door and headed towards the staircase. "Can't I be worried about my friend's safety?"
"Oh, Nalia can take care of herself. She creamed those guys!" Imoen chuckled.
"But..." Karis tried to say, but Imoen interrupted him again.
"I mean they were only males right?" Imoen said. "Males can't handle magic properly. Females handle magic far better than males... It's a statistical fact : females are better at thinking on their feet and thus make better battle-mages. Clerical or normal magics, it doesn't matter, females make superiour spellcasters because they are better at making quick and creative decisions. Besides, no male can succesfully pull off the 'I-creamed-your-ass'-hairflip after downing an opponent," Imoen chuckled and performed in the aforementioned hairflip in a haughty fashion.
"Have you been talking to Viconia?" Karis chuckled.
"Well," Imoen grinned, "the hairflip was my idea..."
"Figures," Karis laughed, but then returned to the previous subject. "We rarely see Nalia her anymore. She's too caught up in consolidating her powerbase and even bought a home in Athkatla... And frankly, Vierna keeps saying she misses her."
"Well, yeah, there is that," Imoen considered. "But then again, that means I have that big spelltower all to myself! More place to stash all my stuff!"
"What stuff? Your teddybear collection?" Karis said.
"Yeah!" Imoen raved. "As well as my collection of enchanted rocks. They shine so pretty... And I have to have a nice place for some magical experiments too..."
"So that's where all those explosions came from last night..." Karis laughed.
"Haw, haw," Imoen said dryly. "I'll have you know my golem only exploded once, but that was only because I added to much tomato-sauce..."
"Still working on that meatball-golem?" Karis asked.
"Yeah, it's almost finished too!" Imoen raved. "Then I'll have a bodyguard and an endless amount of quick lunches!"
"So I'll guess that's another floor of the spelltower occupied," Karis laughed.
"And I need a bigger closet for my clothes," Imoen said.
"What do you mean?" Karis said. "I've never seen you in another outfit than your black and yellow tunic!"
"Hey, I have other stuff too! But a famous archmage needs to be recognizable, so I have about fifty of this set of clothes, plus I have dozens of pink cloaks, each in a slightly different shade of pink. And then there's the evening gowns, also pink, and my pink hat-collection with matching pink slippers," Imoen chuckled. "Oh, that reminds me! I also need another floor to stash my lifetime supply of pink hair-dye. They don't make 'pink rapture' anymore, after all."
"Gee, I wonder why," Karis chuckled as they rounded about another corner.
"Hey!" Imoen scowled and punched her brother in the arm. "Well, maybe you're right... I was the only one that ever bought the stuff, I think... But I also need to place to stash my books..."
"Books?"
"Yeah," Imoen snarled. "You know, those stacks of paper trapped in a piece of leather? Like Otiluke's 'Theorum of the Art Magica'?"
"Errgg, that's pretty tough to chew..."
"I don't know," Imoen said. "Right now, it only keeps my table from being all wobbly..."
"By the way," Karis said. "I got a letter from Balthazar this morning."
"Hmmm," Imoen replied. "we ain't heard from him in a long time. What did he want?"
"Well, he wrote me to say how well Amketran is doing and how it has grown over the years. He has sent us all an open invitation to visit and see for ourselves," Karis said.
"Wow," Imoen chuckled. "Well, at least we know where we'll be going on holidays this year..."
"CAREFUL, YOU FOOLS!" they suddenly heard Viconia shout at the end of the corridor. "IF YOU DROP IT AND IT BREAKS, I'LL PERSONALLY POKE YOUR EYES OUT WITH A HOT NEEDLE, IBLITHEN!"
"Newbie servants," Karis chuckled, knowing full well Viconia always treated the new servants rather gruffly as a sort of initiation. "I just hired them last week after Ethel and Colbus retired."
"Geez," Imoen chuckled. "Poor lads. It must be really confusing to them to see her being to nice to Metigo and the veteran staff..."
Karis and Imoen wasted no time and rounded about the corner quickly. They noticed Viconia standing next to a table while two young servantboys were struggling to remove a large vase from a crate as careful as humanly possible. Immediately, Karis stepped up to his lover, embraced her from behind, kissed the nape of her neck and whispered words of love in her ear. Viconia didn't mind at all, closed her eyes and snuggled into Karis' embrace.
"Public display," Imoen announced in mock-shock.
The servantboys, thinking to have gained some reprieve from their demanding Drow mistress, visably relaxed, only to have that crushed again when Viconia again shouted in anger.
"I TOLD YOU TO BE CAREFUL!" Viconia snarled. "It takes less than a second to summon an energy blade and LOP YOUR USELESS HEADS OFF!"
"So," Imoen chuckled. "New artwork?" she asked, referring to the fact that Viconia was constantly buying and rearranging artworks all over the Keep. Being the art-lover she was, it was a habit she had started when she still had the temple of Shar under the Keep and simply never died.
When the servants hoisted up the large vase with due care and locked it in place on a sturdy pedestal, Imoen was afforded a good look at the thing. It was a large, round, yet oddly shaped vase made from the finest of obsidian lava-stone. Many carvings were inlaid everywhere there was place for one on the large vase, and most depicted many scenes of death, loss, chaos, betrayal, murder, erotica and glory. One could say it was a typical Drow work of art.
"Beautiful, isn't it?" Viconia said with obvious enthousiasm. "I had it commissioned to Yinixle of Skullport."
"The exiled Drow artisan from Skullport who also made that small, ornate, obelisk in our bedroom?" Karis asked.
"And the sculptures in the dining-hall, as well as those meeting-hall," Viconia said. "I was lucky I ordered this one from him six months ago. It seems the Waterdeep nouveau riche and yuppies have discovered his work and are ordering art from him en masse. And since he's the only Drow artisan willing to work for humans, he's set for life..."
"Errmmmm," Imoen stammered. "It's very beautiful, but it's not very cheerful, now is it?"
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that," Viconia said icily. "I bet you'd wish it had been pink and encarved with fuzzy bunnies..."
"And what's wrong with that?!" Imoen replied. "Besides, what if Vierna sees all this... death and destruction? Don't you think that will be a bad influence?"
"How can art be a bad influence?" Viconia retorted. "Besides, it'll be good for her upbringing to learn to appreciate the finer arts..." she said and gave the artwork another appraising look.
"How much did this thing cost anyway?" Imoen asked.
"Only seven thousand gold," Viconia said, still being embraced by Karis. "A bargain really... Pity I cannot spend more time watching it now. It is time for my prayers..."
"HEY!" Viconia suddenly shouted to the two servants who had tried to silently sneak off. "CLEAN UP THAT CRATE!"
---
Vierna and her friends Clarissa, Rowen and Shivon were giggling and walking through the hallways of the Keep, getting ready for a full day of play. The halfling boy Rowen was holding an oddly shaped orange ball with black stripes and was talking to Vierna about a new sport which was all the rage in Iriaebor.
"So," Vierna said pensively, "you can't walk while you hold the ball?"
"No," Rowen said. "You can only bounce the ball up and down if you want to walk."
"Oh," Vierna replied. "How do you score a goal, then?"
"There's no goal," Rowen said. "There's a hoop with a net..."
"So the net catches the ball?" Clarissa broke in.
"No," Rowen said, "the ball passes through the net. It's open..."
"So why is there a net, then?" Vierna asked. "Why not just a hoop?"
"Errrmmm," Rowen replied. "I dunno..."
"Oh, look!" Vierna said. "That's momma's new artsey. Aunty Imoen said momma really liked it."
"COOL!" Rowen said when he got a closer look at some of the more violent carvings.
"What are those two elves-people doing?" Clarissa asked innocently, pointing at a carving of a totally different nature.
"Oh, who cares," Rowen replied and started to dribble the ball. "Let's go outside and play."
"NO!" Vierna suddenly shouted and took the ball. She knew very well that her mother didn't want her to break one of her precious works of art. "Be careful in this sekt-tyon of the hall! I don't even run here... If I break one of momma's artseys she'll be soooooo mad at me!"
That said, Vierna dropped the ball to the floor. Being unfamiar with Rowen's strange ball led to her not counting on the ball's strong bounce. It landed on her foot and shot sharply to the right to collide with the maid's bucket. The bucket spilled its contents over the carpet and rolled down the corridor until it collided with a broomstick which was leaning against the wall. The overturned broomstick slid down the wall and, in turn, collided with a suit of armor. The armor stirred and the halberd it was holding was freed. The halberd sped down and slammed right into Viconia's newly acquired vase.
"Oh, NO!" Vierna shrieked and cover her face with her little hands. "NO!"
"AAAHHH!" Clarissa yelled. "LET'S GET OUTTA HERE!"
"Stay here, chicken!" Rowen yelled after her, but the frightened girl had already ran out the keep and was halfway home.
Opening her eyes, Vierna could see the amount of damage the halbard had done was quite severe. The rock the vase was made of was strong, and only half of it was shattered while the other half was still intact. Everywhere pieces lay shattered on the floor, both big and small.
"Oh, no," Vierna wept silently. "Momma'll be SO angry..."
"This is not good, Vierna..." Shivon stammered. "My... my mother always tells me that if I break a plate while doing the dishes, she'll send me away to live with the trolls. And she says they'll eat you when you're bad..."
"Oh, don't be silly," Vierna grinned nervously. "She... she wouldn't, would she? She loves me... she wouldn't send me away to the trolls!" Then Vierna broke out in tears again. "I don't wanna GO! I wanna stay with momma!"
"Look," Rowen said. "Maybe if we put the pieces together like a puzzle she won't notice..."
---
"Ouch..." Imoen said.
"Boo says ditto," Minsc added.
"I don't think a turnip could even fix this," Jan said. "And that's saying a lot..."
After a panicy moment, when the children noticed they were not able to coax the pieces to stick together, they decided it was time to call in the help-troops before Viconia would return from her prayers.
"Can you help?" Vierna asked timidly.
"I don't see how," Imoen said. "What's broken stays broken."
"Not really," Jan added. "My uncle Roderick Jansen once made a spell to mend broken dishes. His wife gave him terrible rows whenever he broke one, and his spell works better than glue. It might just work on this vase too. Problem is that it's pretty time consuming to cast, and we still need to puzzle all the pieces together, so there's no way we'll make it before Viconia finishes off her wellwishes for Selune..."
Vierna's lower lip started to quiver again. Trying to keep the little girl from crying again, Imoen came up with a plan...
---
Viconia kneeled in front of the shrine in her bedroom, reverantly finishing the last of the rites to give thanks to Selune and Sehanine Moonbow. Smiling, she gently put out the candles with a copper rod and stood up, wanting nothing more than to steal another look at her beautiful new vase. Viconia stood up and opened the door... only to find herself face to face with Imoen.
"Imoen?" she greeted.
"Hey, Vic," she said. After that, silence followed.
"Yesss...." Viconia eventually said.
"I wanted to show you something..."
---
"More clothing?" Viconia asked in disgust. Immediately after their short conversation, they had travelled to the spelltower, where Imoen proceded to use the Drow as her personal dress-up doll. Right now, Viconia was wearing a pink evening gown, a set of pink slippers, a pink cloak and a pink belt. And Imoen entered the room holding even more pink clothing in her arms.
"Yep," Imoen chuckled. "Just take a look at this pink leather bodice! Karis'll go crazy if he sees you in that!"
"Karis goes crazy no matter what I wear," Viconia smirked. "We are lovers, remember?"
"Well, then," Imoen said. "What's the harm of trying it on?"
"Look!" Viconia snarled in anger. "If I want to see pink leather, I'll ask Valygar to visit the Keep. What I want is to inspect my new vase and I haven't seen Vierna all day either..."
"WAIT!" Imoen said as Viconia was taking off the pink clothes while walking towards the door. "What about the pink dye for your hair? Come on, you'll look so cute!"
"NO!"
"Aw, come on! It'll be fun..."
"NO!"
"And it'll look great with all the other pink clothes!"
"NO, NO, NO!"
---
"Look there, little Viconia!" Minsc said as he guided Viconia deeper and deeper into the forest. "A beautiful ash has sprouted roots on this beautiful spot! Isn't it nice Boo?" Minsc said while a squeek from his pockets confirmed his words.
"Yes, that would be pretty special," Viconia sighed, thinking back on how Minsc had run into her immediately after stepping out of Imoen's tower, "IF this entire patch of forest wouldn't consist of nothing BUT ash-trees!"
"Ah, but you must see the beauty in little things, yes, no?" Minsc said. "I bet that Ash thinks it's special! Oh, and look! A beautiful flower has sprouted roots right next to the ASH!" Minsc bend down and picked the large red and yellow flower.
"Here, SMELL!" Minsc said and shoved Viconia's face right into the flower. After noticing Viconia was gagging violently while her stomach was starting to heave, he withdraw the flower. "Boo," he admonished. "Why didn't you tell me it was a Stench Flower?" he said, while a squeek which sounded awfully like a chuckle escaped from his pocket.
"YOU ADDLED..." Viconia shouted in anger.
"OH, look!" Minsc broke in. "A reticulated squirrel! Quickly, little Viconia! Throw nuts!!"
"I am GONE!" Viconia snarled.
---
"...so that's when my cousin Baptist drank all the holy water and had to escape the town with hordes of enraged Helmites in tow. He got away eventually, but there was that griffin sitting on the next barstool..."
"Fascinating..." Viconia droned silently. Drow and gnome were sitting in the meeting-room, facing opposite sides on the sofa.
"And then there's my uncle Whitey, terribly focused on punctuality he was. He used to constantly tell us what a bunch of timewasters we were. He had an established routine, he had, and always maximized efficiency of time-usage. He actually trained his pet rabbit to carry a watch and warn him whenever he was running late. As it was, Whitey was also an accomplished adventurer, though no party could stand to have him around longer than a week or so, and judging from how he actually used to time turnipgrowth and admonished the hard-working veggies when they didn't grow fast enough, that was not surprising. One day, uncle Gerhardt was experimenting with planar magics and accidentally opened a gateway to the abyss... Out popped a vicious, slathering, ravenous Snail-Demon... All slimey and horned and terribly slow. While all of us smart gnomes ran like hell, Uncle Whitey actually drew his blade to engage the beast. So, he waited... and waited... and waited... and waited... You'd be surprised how long it takes for a Snail-Demon to cross a two foot barrier. So, wanting to maximize his efficiency, he went for groceries, ironed his clothes, waxed his chariot, and when he stepped back to slay the beast, he stood exactly on the same spot where he was before. Unfortunately, he had taken a little longer than expected when he tried to get those nasty squished bugs from the chariot, and since the rabbit had taken off as well, the Snail Demon took him completely by surprise. As he was slowly being devoured, he kept shouting at the Demon to hurry up, since he had an appointment in the afterlife..."
"How sad," Viconia droned again...
"Well, the Snail Demon ended up worse. We sold him to a Cambion who said he'd sell him to a restaurant on a parallel world. He took him to some place called France, he told... But then there's my cousin Robin, who once tried to benchpress 200 pounds and found herself caught in a boatload of turnips... Let me tell you the whole story..."
"LOOK!" Viconia broke in. "I have a lot more to do than to listen to your drivel..."
"So," Karis said as he entered the room. "Here you are. I've been looking for you."
"What is it, ssinsrig?"
"Well, I was wondering if you'd... well, I've done all the paperwork and I... Would you consider going on a romantic picnic with me to lake Dragonspur?"
A broad grin crossed Viconia's face as she accepted Karis' offer.
---
"Mmmmmm," Viconia murmered as she lay in Karis' arms and was being fed grapes and cream. They were overlooking the lake from a beautiful location, between the lake itself and a field of grain. The sun reflected off the surface of the water, adding to the romantic view. They were utterly alone, and Viconia had completely lowered her defenses.
"Like that?" Karis said as Viconia accepted another grape. "I've been planning to surprise you with this picnic for a couple of days now, and it took a while for Olma to prepare the food, but I think the result was worth it, no?"
Viconia smiled contently and closed her eyes. "I love you," she whispered softly.
"I love you too," he replied and gently kissed her on the lips. "More grapes?"
"No," Viconia murmered and looked around briefly. "Come... the grain has grown high... No one will see us there... Take the blanket."
They kissed more passionately this time and Karis carried the woman he loved to a more secluded spot.
---
"We were lucky Kary took Vicky for a romantic picknick, or we would have been caught!" Jan said as he prepared to cast the final spell. After three hours of puzzling and spellcasting, the vase had been all but mended. A single piece remained to be cast into place.
"Okay, just one more and this vase is as good as new," Imoen said. "Viconia will never know..."
"And momma won't sent me away..." Vierna whispered.
"What?" Jan said. "Where'd you get that idea, squirt?"
"There's no time, or so says Boo, to bicker!" Minsc announced.
"He's right, you know," Jan said. "Immy, would you do the honors?"
As Jan held the last piece in place, Imoen began casting, but unfortunately, a shout of anger interrupted the casting.
"WHAT!" Viconia screeched after she and Karis rounded about the corner. "Who chipped my vase?!"
A look of shock crossed the faces of all gathered as they regarded the seething Drow. Ever so slowly, a tiny pouting Drow stepped forward. "I... I..." Vierna stammered. "I broke your vase, momma," Vierna said and started to cry. "I'm so sorry, momma," she said and suddenly ran up to Viconia to fly into her mother's arms. "I didn't mean to," Vierna said while crying into her mother's robe. "Please don't send me away to live with the trolls. I wanna stay with you and daddy!"
"What?" Viconia said, her expression softening immediately. "I would never send you away! Where'd you get that rediculous idea?"
"My, ermmm, mother..." Shivon added.
"Come on, ssinjin eoul," Viconia said. "Dry your tears... It's only a piece of rock... And it's only a small chip..."
"Thank the gods of turnip she didn't come back earlier..." Jan whispered to Imoen.
"I don't think it would have mattered," Imoen smiled back as she regarded her niece being lovingly held by her mother.
"You won't send me away?" Vierna managed to stammer.
"No," Viconia said. "Of course not. Come, lets get some sweets for you in the kitchen while Jan and Imoen mend the vase... And Shivon," Viconia said, "tell your mother she's an idiot..."
"Momma?" Vierna giggled softly as Viconia carried her towards the kitchen. "Why is there straw in your hair."
Imoen and Jan shot a blushing Karis a sly grin while he started to fish around in his own hair, looking for pieces of straw.
"Ah," Minsc said. "Another happy ending, so says Minsc and so says BOO!" That said, the hulking ranger waved his hands a little too enthusiastically, thus knocking the vase off the pedestal completely...
And three groaning mages prepared for a long, long, long evening...
I had to add that last bit... I couldn't resist...
