Mind Your Manners
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Posted 16 May 2003 - 08:53 PM
Title: Mind Your Manners
“Where… where are we, Arelius?”
“I don’t know, Jaheira,” he replied, looking about them. They were in the middle of nowhere, their feet touching nothing, but they could feel something below them. The void that surrounded them contained only one thing, a door, which hung mysteriously before them. “The last thing I remember was going to bed last night with you, my dear. Now we appear to have been transported to some strange place.”
“Has anyone threatened us lately? Or do we have a new foe to consider?”
“Good question. I suggest we start by looking around. Shall we try it?” he asked pointing at the door.
“Seems to be our solution to everything,” she chuckled.
The couple cautiously stepped forward and Arelius turned the handle on the door. Opening it, they stood in shocked silence; their mouths dropped and could easily be described as hitting the floor. Inside the gargantuan room were numerous murals and paintings of their sometimes friend and all time pain in the backside, Edwin Oddesseiron. The walls and tapestries and the many pillows and furnishings were all decorated in bright orange and dull browns. The paintings all portrayed Edwin in the most flattering of poses.
“Oddesseiron?” Jaheira puzzled a response. “This place is nearly a shrine to him. Why would we be brought here, and who in their right mind would create such a place.”
“Strange. He was been threatening me in his correspondence lately, but I assumed them to be simple ramblings of the madman I know him to be. Perhaps his threats were not in jest.”
Just then, two monkeys came running by from out of the distance and flopped on some pillows in the far corner, only to begin grooming and playing with each other in somewhat… disturbing… ways.
“I think we should just move on, Arelius.”
“Yes,” he said continuing to contemplate his surroundings. “I think I am beginning to understand where we are. Somehow, we have entered into his mind. Who else would decorate their home with such things? Only he could love himself this much.”
They continued on their journey through the mind of Edwin. Some paintings were of him in various battle posses, others were of him in romantic scenes.
“What! He didn’t slay Firkragg. He just crawled up on top of him after it was all over, saying something stupid about being ‘king of the world’ or something like that. Can’t say I blame him, but he just ran every time Firkragg looked at him.” Going on a bit further, Arelius stopped and a smile crossed his face. “Jaheira, come here. You, ah, might want to see this.”
“What is it?” the druid approached and stopped short, her jaw once more hitting the ground. Before her was a small shine with portraits of herself, all with Edwin caressing her in obvious delight.
“That scum bag! I would never… why if I ever see that wreck of human mess again, I… I…” she turned and stormed off. Arelius chuckled at the thought. He knew all along that Edwin really held a sweet spot in his heart for her and was jealous of him that he had found love with a strong woman like Jaheira. He ran up to catch up to his partner.
“Well, is there something you should be telling me?”
“Quiet! None of that ever happened. Ok, I admit to a brief flirtation with him near Baldur’s Gate, but that was before I knew him to be the despicable person he is. If you ever bring it up again, mister, I’ll put Bloodclaw where the sun does not shine! Understood!” she pointed her finger at him.
He laughed and put his finger to hers. “Yes dear,” he slyly spoke. She responded with a grin and they headed off. They were nearing the center of the large room and were beginning to understand that they were approaching the holiest of places in his mind. As they reached the shrine at the center, they burst out laughing. Before them stood a statue of Edwina, naked, in godlike pose.
“It had to be!” Arelius held his arm over his stomach to contain his amusement.
“Of course, what else? What other woman would have him?” Jaheira said leaning against Arelius for support.
“Come on, I think we’ve seen enough.” The couple left the holy shrine the way they came. When they reached the door, they continued through and their bodies started to disappear. They looked at each other in shock and took each other’s hands.
“Arelius, what is happening?”
“I hope we’re going…”
And the couple woke up, startled. They lay in bed together, Jaheira in his arms. They looked each other in the eyes and simultaneously shuddered.
“Do you think…” she started.
“Yes. This could get quite interesting.”
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