Author note: being both a fan of the Baldur’s Gate saga and of “Spartacus – Gods of the Arena”, I decided to write this little piece of insanity. It’s set in BG1 and the party leader is the protagonist from my “Amber&emerald” fanfic, Margaret Dawn. And yes, I know that I probably need to get a Miniature Giant Space Hamster after thinking of and writing down this. Ah, well
Disclaimer: I don’t own neither the Baldur’s Gate saga, nor the “Spartacus” tv series. I only own this version of the song and the party leader Margaret Dawn. In case you’re wondering, the party is composed of the following characters: Margaret Dawn, Minsc (and Boo), Khalid, Jaheira, Dynaheir, Ajantis, Edwin, Imoen and Kivan.
It was a warm evening in Beregost and the party members entered the Jovial Juggler dragging their feet: they were for the most part dog-tired, for they had just had to fight a dozen Giant Spiders on behalf of an old Gnomish lady they had met at the Friendly Arm Inn.
"She could have told us the spiders were so big!", Imoen grumbled, sagging on a chair and massaging her aching leg: she had been stung by one of the accursed monsters and though Jaheira had already healed her as best as she could with her remaining spells, the wound still throbbed softly, following the rhythm of her heartbeat.
"Next time someone mentions having a ‘spider problem’, I’ll just tell them to go fly a kite", Meg agreed, making a face as she took in the miserable state of her robe, sticky and stinking like Hell from the dead spiders’ ichor.
Edwin scowled, "You should have done that from the start! How many times will you drag us into a mess because of your soft heart? (Bah, why do I even bother to ask? I already know that the only answer to the question is: ‘every Godsdamned time’!)".
"S-she was only trying t-to help an o-old lady out", Khalid defended his foster daughter, "How was she s-supposed to know the infestation was t-that bad?". "She didn’t even ask", the Thayan shot back.
"Little Meg did what great heroes do when little frail old women ask for help!", Minsc declared, giving the Painbearer a wide approving smile, "She agreed to help and applied the Boot of Justice to the backside of the evil spiders! Right, Boo?", he added, scratching his hamster behind the ears and Boo squeaked loudly, twitching his small nose.
Ajantis nodded, "I too think the lady Meg did the right thing: no honourable person could turn away a lady in need. But of course you would", he spat, glaring at the Red Wizard, who snorted. "Keep your insignificant righteous prattle for yourself, you straw-haired baboon".
Meg intervened before the discussion could go out of hand, "Gentlemen, please, there is no need for such behaviour. Let’s just order some food and then retire for the night, okay? ", she said, giving both men her sweetest smile and they grudgingly relented.
After having an earthy dinner, nearly all of them left the table and retired to their respective rooms, to enjoy a warm bath and a good night’s sleep. Minsc, though, insisted that he wasn’t tired and that he wanted to find some crackers for Boo, so he remained in the common room.
As he was feeding his hamster, a man, probably a farmer judging by his clothing, approached him. "Hey lad, you’re one of the adventurers who cleaned up the damned spiders, ain’t you?". The Rashemi nodded, "Yes, Minsc and Boo and their good friends killed the bad spiders indeed! And it was quite the battle, believe me, Boo’s whiskers are still twitching with excitement!".
The stranger patted him on the back, "Then bless you and your friends, lad! Those blasted things were starting to creep out of the house and I’m pretty sure it was one of them that killed off my cow Priss. Come, join me and my friends to our table and tell us of how you got rid of them".
The ranger beamed, enthusiastic at the idea of sharing his heroic tale and followed the farmer to a nearby table, where three other men were sat. They welcomed him warmly and offered him more than a round of wine to celebrate the end of the eight-legged menace, listening to his retelling of the battle with eagerness, completely charmed by the loud and dramatic way he narrated it, not with the flowery prose of most bards, but extremely vivid and intense all the same.
Minsc was overjoyed: he had found some nice people who wanted to listen to his tale and he could practice for when he would retell it to his beloved Tabatha and to the members of the Ice Dragon Lodge once he was back home!
Meg started awake and reflexively reached for her staff, before realizing that what had woken her up was only a voice coming from outside. A loud, very loud voice she knew all too well: down in the street, Minsc was singing at the top of his lungs. She slipped out of bed, opening the window and leaning forward to better see him and since he was passing right under her room, she could discern some of the words.
"The rain falls down from an angry sky, I kick the butt of Evil and Boo goes for the eyes. My hamster rages on! MY HAMSTER RAGES ON!".
She sighed: it would be a long night.