Throne Of Cards 72 – Conversations And Consolations
Not all battles are fought with sword or spell. The battles of the mind, and of the heart, are just as important, and their wounds cut just as deep.
Excerpt from ‘Ruminations Of A Master Bard’
“Hellkitten? Can you hear me?” The words didn’t make immediate sense, but the tone of voice was a blessed relief, as was the sensation of warm arms around her, holding her close. Zaerini groaned, trying to ignore the way her stomach quivered when she turned her head, and looked up into a pair of extremely anxious dark eyes.
“Mrrrpff…” She managed to say, and then she had to clamp her jaws tightly shut so her breakfast wouldn’t make a return performance.
“Hold her still.” That was Viconia’s voice, also close by, clipped and businesslike. Then another sensation, fingertips lightly touching her temples, and a faint tingle all through her body. “No severe injuries, fortunately, but she is completely exhausted, more so than can be explained by the battle alone. I think that…”
“Oh, Child of Bhaal, I see you stand victorious over the wicked Yaga-Shura!”
“…actually I think it’s more ‘slump victorious’,” Rini muttered. “Long time no see, Melissan.” Her eyes at least seemed to be able to cooperate by now without making her see two of everything, and even from her prone position she could recognize the other woman easily. Melissan looked as neat and tidy as if she had just stepped out from a dressing room and onto a stage, not a single red hair out of place, rosy cheeks, her blue dress as smooth as if it had been freshly ironed. If I throw up, I wonder if I could aim it onto her shoes? I think I’ll make that my next goal in life.
“Regrettably, your poor unfortunate siblings were less…fortunate,” Melissan went on, a single tear trickling down her cheek towards her trembling lower lip. “The Children of Bhaal are now far fewer in numbers than before. Alas, that all my efforts should come to this. Woe betide their lost souls.”
“Uh huh. Alas.” Far away, what remained of the city of Saradush was mostly covered by a thick cloud of black smoke. Underneath her body was a pile of cloth, and what felt like drifting dust. Guess Yaga-Shura exited stage left while I was out of it. I won’t miss him. Shame about those poor people back in the city though.
“How fortunate you must have been to escape this gruesome fate,” Dekaras said, sounding for all the world as if he was about to seat Melissan on his lap and pat her on the head while offering her candy. “Even so, the trauma of losing your protégées in such a manner must be truly devastating.”
“Well, one must try one’s best to cope, you know,” Melissan said with a deep sigh. “Perhaps a few may have escaped, and if so I will certainly go looking for them eventually, but for now I feel it is more important to focus on the remaining of The Five.” She wiped her eyes daintily. “That is why I was temporarily out of the city, to learn more of what I could of those dreadful foes and their armies. Yaga-Shura was but the most obvious threat, but he was not alone by any means. He had powerful allies, fellow Children, intent on slaughter and conquest much the same as he was. They must be stopped.”
Here it comes. “Can I have a bit of a lie-down and a drink first?” Rini said. “I try to get at least a five minute break between each powerful sibling I kill, you see. I wouldn’t want to accidentally sprain my divinity.”
“Well,” Melissan said, sounding a little nonplussed. “Of course. And you must understand, I will offer you what aid and information I can, freely. I have heard from an old friend of mine, in the city of Amkethran, to the east and south. He is a wise man, and he knows where two of the remaining Five can be found. Obviously he did not want to entrust such sensitive information to a letter, but if you wish to go and see him about it, I will send him my recommendation. His name is Balthazar, and he is in charge of Amkethran’s famous monastery. What say you?”
Zaerini could feel Edwin’s arms tightening around her, and she just knew that her lover was about to launch the verbal equivalent of a fireball at Melissan. And I don’t know for sure what her game is, but the time for a pitched battle isn’t right now. “I’ll think about it,” She said. “Look, I just got bashed around pretty badly, I’m not really up for any complex plotting right now.” And let’s hope you believe it.
“Of course,” Melissan said, baring entirely too white teeth in a pleasant smile. “Please forgive me, it was insensitive of me to intrude upon you so soon. As long as you will give it some serious consideration that is all I can ask.” She gave them all a pleasant little wave and strolled off across the battlefield, until a shimmering portal opened in front of her and she was gone. Zaerini struggled into a sitting position, and then sighed as she looked at all her friends standing around her. More than one of them seemed on the verge of commentary.
“No,” She said. “Of course I’m not idiotic enough to trust her. I just wanted to get her out of my hair, that’s all.” She gingerly touched the tangled mess, sticky things mingled with grey dust. “I want to get Yaga-Shura out of my hair too, if you must know. And have a really long nap.” And then there’s what I have to do even if I don’t especially want to. She concentrated, hoping that she had the energy left to make it work, and folded space until the restful twilight of the pocket plane soothed her aching eyes. So far so good.
-*-
The pocket plane was…different. The dark forest was still there, with its fairy lights twinkling in the shadows and its looming trees. The campsite with the brightly coloured wagons was also still there, but this time, when Sarevok entered the one allocated to him, it was far bigger on the inside than on the outside. Moreover, the inside had turned into an exact replica of his old bedroom back in Baldur’s Gate, complete with a view of the city from the bedroom window. He curiously opened the window to peer outside, and yes, the city noises all sounded entirely accurate as well. Either this was an extremely complex illusion or somehow his sister had opened an actual portal to the city. He hoped it was the former, it would very awkward if some random Iron Throne servant were to walk in on him, given that he was supposed to be dead. But no, as he opened the door himself he could see Minsc cooking something over by the campfire, and so it would seem he was safe from intrusions.
Perhaps it is for the better that this is as far as it goes. It would be entirely too tempting to desire more, and the day I ask my little sister to conjure up Tamoko’s ghost for me is the day I deserve to be sent back headfirst into the Abyss. I do not deserve to see her, ever again.
At least he could enjoy his old bed, though, and perhaps he’d finally get the chance to finish that one book he’d only been halfway through on the eve of his death, ‘I Feel Zentastic – Inner Peace In Ten Easy Steps’. So far he hadn’t been able to get past step three ‘Let Go Of Your Rage’, but perseverance was the key to victory after all. After removing and cleaning his armour, he treated himself to a nice, long bath, wrapped himself in a warm robe and headed for bed, book firmly in hand. And then, of course, there was a knock on the door.
“What?” Sarevok snarled, any semblance of inner peace shattered. “If this is another offer for Boo to ‘tuck me into bed’, then I swear I’ll…” He yanked the door open, and fell silent. It wasn’t Minsc out there, with or without emotional support hamster.
“Um, hi?” His sister said, looking up at him with wide golden eyes. “Is this a bad time?”
She looks tired. Too tired.
There were dark shadows under Zaerini’s eyes, and she was paler than normal, her cheeks looking hollower, as if she hadn’t eaten for too long.
“Not for me,” Sarevok gruffly said, throwing ‘Zentastic’ aside on the bed. “But you ought to be in bed.” Disturbing thoughts of his sister’s pet wizard crossed his mind and he inwardly winced as he tried to banish them. “Asleep, that is. You clearly need it, you look terrible.”
“Thanks,” She said with a quick eyeroll. She slipped inside the wagon, and stopped in surprise as she surveyed the tower room within. “Wow, not bad. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but not this.” She stood on tiptoes to get a better look out the window, and Sarevok hurried to grab her by the arm and steer towards the sturdy green armchair by the fireplace as he noticed her swaying on her feet.
“Why not?” He asked once he sat down himself opposite her, on the matching footstool. “You made it, did you not?”
“Well…yes, and again no. But it was more…” She hesitated for a moment, frowning in thought. “I didn’t plan out exactly what to make for everyone, it’s more like I…lent you all a bit of the power for long enough to make whatever you wanted. I thought it’d be a nice surprise.” She suddenly grinned. “I haven’t dared look inside Immy’s place yet. Think I’ll save that until tomorrow.”
“A wise decision,” Sarevok said, keeping his voice entirely grim and serious, even if the corner of his mouth wanted to twitch. “The pinkness might be enough to cause an aneurysm in anybody remotely sane. And yes, this was…a thoughtful thing to do, but you should have rested before you did it, not after.”
“I will once we’re done here, I promise.” She bit her lower lip, suddenly looking more anxious again. “But I needed to talk to you first. It’s important. It’s about us, you and me.”
Sarevok nodded. “I understand. You have decided, no doubt, to require an oath from me in order to follow you. Your powers are growing steadily, you were bound to eventually come to your senses about this, and in this place the oath would be binding.” It was indeed sensible, and very prudent. It was what he would have suggested himself, surely. So why did it feel as if his stomach was suddenly falling through the floor?
“What? No!” Zaerini was looking at him aghast, and then her slim hand was suddenly grasping his, holding onto it tightly. “No! Absolutely not. No way, no how, not now, not later.” She shook her head, red curls flying. “I wanted to talk to you about what I saw after Yaga-Shura died. I…came here I guess. To the pocketplane, not to your bedroom. In a vision, or a dream. One of those you know, but not one sent from him. This one was true, and it was about you. Well, some of it was.” Her eyes, so similar to his own, were looking suspiciously shiny, and without thinking he took hold of her hand in turn, holding it between his own two large ones. Then, she began telling her story, and he felt himself swept away, transported to another time and place entirely, and not a happy one. Once it was over, the two siblings sat in silence, simply looking at each other.
“I was just a baby,” Zaerini eventually said. “I don’t remember any of it, even if I know it happened, even if I just saw it happen. But you…do you remember? The temple?” She swallowed hard. “Did you remember me?”
“I…” Sarevok hesitated, a very uncommon reaction for him, but he wanted to be sure, absolutely sure of what he said next. He cast his mind back, along dark and thorny memory paths it hadn’t traveled in a very long time. “I remember very little. Darkness, being in a crowded place. Screams. There was chaos in the end, I know that much, and that is how I got away from them. I lived in the streets for some time – badly – and then there was Reiltar.” He saw her wince at that name, and felt a flash of that old, black fury wishing he could resurrect his dead foster father, just for a moment. And then I would make him suffer ten times, no a hundred times worse what he inflicted upon her. Upon both of us.
His sister nodded. “So…you didn’t remember who I was, then? Back when you…when Gorion…you didn’t remember who he was either?” She was speaking quickly, words tumbling out of her mouth. “I mean, if you did, it would have hurt, he took me, but not you, and you, you ended up with…with…”
Sarevok raised his hand, touching his finger to her lips, and she fell silent, staring at him in surprise even as he felt an icy shock or recognition running down his spine at the gesture. Hush little one…I said that. I don’t remember much, but…but I said that. I needed to keep her quiet, to not draw their attention. “I did not remember,” He finally said, once he was certain it was the truth. “Not then. I was a shell of myself at that time, the taint was driving me, using me even as I thought I was using it. I felt something, it is true, a connection, but I didn’t know what it was.” He gave her a stern look. “And do not even think of blaming yourself for my situation as compared to yours. You had no control over that.”
She heaved a quick sigh of relief. “I guess I was hoping you’d say that.” Then she smiled, eyes twinkling. “You know, you’re really starting to get the hang of the Big Brother thing.”
Sarevok huffed. “But of course I am. As if Sarevok the Unparalleled could ever be anything other than an extremely amazing elder and wiser sibling. Now, go to bed, or I will carry you there and tuck you in myself.”
“Sir, yes Sir!” She said, giving mock salute. “I’ll see you tomorrow, for whatever twisted ‘challenge’ the part of my brain that runs this place has set up for us.” She eyed the book on the bed. “Huh, maybe I’ll ask to borrow that when you’re done with it. Think we could both use it – maybe it’ll help if we read it together?” Before he could think of a good reply, she was already gone, leaving a very pensive former Bhaalspawn behind.
-*-
As she entered her own wagon, Zaerini was rather pleasantly surprised. Edwin seemed to have based the interior decorating mostly on his own bedroom back in Thay, but with a few extra touches. For example the way the light inside automatically dimmed when she stepped inside, soothing the rather intense headache that felt like a drill slowly entering her head right above her left temple, or the way a tall glass with an interestingly fizzy drink floated into her hand. Then again, maybe he can set that up at home as well? Thay is a high magic society after all. I’ll have to ask.
This didn’t seem the right time for it though, for her beloved immediately pounced on her, grasping her by the waist and steering her towards the bed. “Get in, right now,” He said in uncommonly clipped tones and entirely without his normal verbosity.
“Wow, demanding,” She tried with a disarming smile, but he clearly wasn’t impressed by it.
“You need your rest, and you need it now,” Edwin informed her, his words echoing those of Sarevok. “Whatever else you think you need to do, it will have to wait. What were you thinking, straining yourself like this directly after an exhausting battle? (Not to mention esoteric otherworldly shenanigans.)”
Before she could protest, he had already pulled her shoes off and proceeded to her clothes, and actually she didn’t feel like protesting. Not anymore. Not when warm fingers were probing her neck and shoulders in a delicious way that made her feel as if she was about to melt into a puddle and never move again. “I…nnnff…just wanted to do something nice,” She finally managed. “To…well, to make it up to my friends a little bit for what I keep dragging them into. And to you especially. You do like it, don’t you?”
His fingers paused momentarily, and then it was his lips grazing her ear, making her shiver with tender fire, especially when he touched the tip. “Of course I do. But it is insignificant compared to you and I expressly forbid you to burn your brain to a crisp trying to make some grand gesture. Now turn over, the skin on your back requires moisture after this day’s exertions.”
“Is it still the same jar of coconut oil Immy got us right after you got de-vampirized?”
“Why abandon a winning concept? (A few lightly enchanted gold flakes for that little extravagant flair though, that was a good investment.)”
“Mmm…guess you’re right there.” His hands moved against her back, and she let out a quiet groan. “Oh, that feels wonderful. I never want to ride in a hamster ball again. Never…ever…” And soft, purple mist was drifting behind her now closed eyelids, and his voice had turned into a pleasant but incomprehensible murmur, and…and…
It was later, much later, and now it was dark in the room, other than a faint pattern of tiny, twinkling stars across the high ceiling. If she knew Edwin at all, they would match the actual constellations as seen from his bedroom window at home, and move according to the proper season. She felt much better now, her body no longer aching, her mind no longer foggy. Even better, her lover was holding her close, making her feel warm, safe and entirely comfortable. She stretched carefully and felt rather than heard him sigh against her hair.
“Eddie?” She whispered. “Are you awake?”
“Yes,” came the reply, soft but clearly audible, close to her ear. “Are you feeling better now?”
“Much. It’s just…there’s something I need to talk about. We need to talk about. If that’s ok with you.”
Now she could feel his arms tightening around her. “Yes. Of course. Whatever you like.”
“That’s just it. It’s not just about what I like, what I want. Not anymore.” She looked up at the glittering stars again, her eyes now feeling hotter than before, her vision slightly blurred. “You know what I mean, don’t you? This, all of this. Bhaal’s legacy. I know what you meant, before, when you said I mattered more to you than presents. That’s how I feel too, I want you to always know that. None of this matters compared to you, none of it. If I get the choice, I’ll never leave you behind for some abandoned real estate in the Abyss. It’s just that…” She felt herself choking, and tried to force the words out through her suddenly tight and burning throat. “It’s just that I don’t know if I’ll get a choice. There are so many things that could go wrong. Even if we all survive, it could be that if I’m the last strong Bhaalspawn left alive, the power will just default to me. Or…or I could be forced to take it. If the only way we can face off against a vengeful old wizard with the Goddess of Magic in his corner is for me to pack as much of a punch as the next Goddess of Murder then that’s what I’ll do. Even if that means things can’t ever be the same again. I love you so much, but if that is what it takes to keep you alive then I’ll do it and I won’t regret it.” She could feel her voice cracking now, practically choking. “I…I just never want you think that I’m abandoning you for power, and…”
And now she was outright sobbing against his chest, clinging to him as he stroked her hair and whispered soothing words into her ear, of love and comfort and encouragement. She was crying too hard to comprehend the exact words, but it was the emotion behind them that mattered, anyway.
-*-
Sarevok had tried to go to sleep for some time, but had eventually been forced to give up. The tale his sister had told him get running through his mind, shaking the very foundations of what he had always thought he knew of himself and his past. Though his memories were still very hazy, he knew them to be true. As he focused, he thought he could almost see himself as a young lad, holding a baby with bright red hair upon his lap. If I had remembered her…would I still have done the things I did in Baldur’s Gate? That wasn’t a pleasant thought at all. He didn’t want to think that he would have tried to slay his sister just the same if he had known these things, but he also knew just how strong a hold the Bhaalmadness had had upon him at the time. I turned upon all who cared for me, Winski and Tamoko both. Knowing the truth might have changed things, but perhaps it is better that I did not. Who knows to what new depths of insanity it might have driven me?
He decided to take a walk to get some fresh air and hopefully clear his head a little. Pulling on his clothes, but not bothering with his armour, he kept turning his sister’s words over and over in his head. The sage, Gorion. I killed him, but only because he was an obstacle between me and my sister. I did not remember him from before – did I? No, he didn’t think so. If he had, if he had killed the man at least partially out of personal resentment for leaving him in the Temple of Bhaal, then surely he would remember feeling something more…personal about killing him. Anger, triumph, resentment, bitterness. But no, as far as he could remember that particular murder had been all business. Good. I told her the truth, then. I would not wish to mislead her about this, not even unintentionally.
He had walked across the campsite now, grateful not to have seen any of his traveling companions who might question where he was going. By now he was within the soothing darkness of the forest, and it should have felt good but it kept reminding him of another forest, another night. I came so close to killing her. If Gorion hadn’t managed to stall me for as long as he did… It didn’t bear thinking about, but it was something that needed thinking about all the same. She has forgiven me for it, she knows it was the madness, but it is still a debt I need to repay. I cannot clear my depths to Tamoko or Winski, it is too late for that, but I can be the brother I was intended to be.
Sarevok was sitting down by now, his back against a large tree trunk as he wrestled with his heavy thoughts. This business with The Five was disturbing, and plans would need to be lain upon the morrow. What should he advise his sister to do? Perhaps it would be best to…
“Ahem.”
While not a man easily startled, Sarevok still jumped at the sound of somebody clearing their throat directly above his head, and then he cursed loudly as he banged his head against the tree. “Was that truly necessary?” He complained as he craned his neck back to look up at the person perched on a branch high above him.
“Apologies,” Dekaras said, not sounding entirely sorry. “But you clearly were under the impression you were alone, and it seemed impolite not to make myself known.” The assassin was lounging on his belly on a fairly thick branch, his legs dangling on either side of it and his chin resting on his crossed arms. It reminded Sarevok vaguely of his sister’s cat.
“No matter,” He said with a brief sigh. “I came here to think, but I’m thinking in circles at this point.”
“Likewise.” The assassin wearily rubbed his fingers against his temple. “I suppose this particular tree had something appealing and relaxing about it that attracted us both. May you by any chance have any clever suggestions about how to best take out a supposedly invulnerable wizard? My alchemical experiments have been promising, but there is still the method of the administration to formulate and I could really do with discussing my idea with an enchanter skilled enough to comprehend the design I have in mind.” He paused. “I don’t suppose you have studied enchantment or creation of magical items?”
“Not unless it pertained to seizing the bulk of Bhaal’s divine heritage, no.”
“Well, I suppose I was due a break anyway.” Dekaras slid down from the branch to a lower one, and then swung himself off it to vault through the air and land lightly on his feet next to Sarevok. “Also – there was something I needed to discuss with you. Now would be a good time, unless you need your solitude.”
“By all means,” Sarevok replied, curious what this might be about.
“It is a fairly complicated story,” The assassin said, sitting down on the ground opposite Sarevok. “Yet I feel I should not delay it any longer, it has already waited long enough. You see, some time back I was entrusted with something, a message for you. I never thought I would actually get the opportunity to deliver it, for at the time you were dead.”
Sarevok blinked. He wasn’t sure what he had expected, but not this. “Who…what message?”
“Bear with me a moment, please. I need to think about how to explain this properly. First of all, do you remember when you and I first met, back in Baldur’s Gate?”
“Of course. I was mad, but not senile. You were posing as a servant at the Iron Throne compound, for what I would later learn was purposes of infiltration.”
“Indeed. I was, of course, there for the intent of purposes of aiding Edwin, and he was hell-bent on aiding your sister against you. Obviously, anything I could learn that would help in killing you would be useful in my own mission of keeping Edwin alive and safe. I succeeded, after a fashion, as you know.”
“The battle between myself and my sister may well have gone differently had she not had access to those scrolls to reduce my innate resistance to magic.”
“Scrolls I stole from your friend Winski, yes.” Dekaras paused, a somewhat frustrated look in his black eyes. “You know, this is all a bit awkward. I never had occasion to chat with a past target before, you understand. Usually they’re past attempts at conversation at that point. I suppose offering condolences would seem a little on the tacky side, but I can tell you that it was business, not pleasure.”
“Understood.” Sarevok nodded. “In return, I will say that I think things turned out for the best. I bear no grudge on that account.”
“At any rate, I was not there for the final battle. I had been…derailed, let us say, and it took me quite some time to locate Edwin and your sister again. On my way to Amn, I encountered somebody I had certainly never expected to see again. Winski Perorate, or rather his spirit.”
“What?” Sarevok felt his normally strong voice escape him as no more than a whispered croak. He didn’t really want to believe what he was hearing, but just as when he had spoken with his sister earlier, he knew it was the truth.
“He and I may have been on opposite sides,” Dekaras said. “But we understood each other, I think. We were both fighting to protect somebody very important to us, after all. The fact that we eventually were forced to try to kill each other, and nearly succeeded, doesn’t really change that. I believe that is why he sought me out. He knew I would listen, and that I would deliver his message to you, if I ever got the chance.”
“But I was dead at the time,” Sarevok said, feeling his fingernails digging into the palms of his hands.
“Yes, you were. And later on, once you had been brought back to life, I myself was out of commission. It was only once I had been fully restored that I could even remember about it, and then we were fairly immediately whisked off to a fortress of fire giants. It didn’t seem a good idea to share this information with you until we could find some privacy and were not in any immediate danger.”
“And now?”
“And now, I can.” The assassin gave Sarevok a look that he couldn’t quite comprehend, but for a moment, just for a moment, he almost thought it was Winski looking at him. “He forgave you, you know. He knew that you would not have killed him, had you been in your right mind. He wanted you to know that, and to try to forgive yourself.”
“How…” Sarevok breathed. “How could he say that?! Why would he say that? Why would he forgive what I did?”
“Because,” Dekaras said, “That is what we do when we love somebody enough. I believe your sister would tell you the same.” He stood, and gave the sitting man’s shoulder a quick squeeze. “I will be getting back to camp now. I’m not going to be hypocritical enough to tell you not to brood on this, but at least try to get some rest before morning, won’t you? Neither of us will be of much use if we’re falling flat on our faces from exhaustion.”
Sarevok felt rather than heard a soft chuckle escape him. He could almost hear Winski telling him something very similar, and more than one time. I don’t deserve his forgiveness. But…I suppose I have it anyway. “I will,” He said. “And…thank you.”