Bhaalspawn Paradise

Bhaalspawn Paradise
by Silrana

This was inspired by Weird Al's Amish Paradise.

 

As I walk through the dungeon where I kill and I maim
I take a look a look at my sword and realize it's very plain
But that's just perfect for a Bhaalspawn like me
You know I shun showy things like notoriety

Very early in the morning I'm freeing slaves
Hearing Anomen spout dialogue he got from Dave - fool
But I've been hackin' and slashin' so long that
Even Minsc and Boo think my mind has gone

I'm the Spawn of the Gods, I'm into higher things
Got a longsword in my hand and a pouch full of rings
But if I finish all of my quests and you finish thine
Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1369

I have spent too much of life
Living in a Bhaalspawn paradise
I've spilled blood once or twice
Living in a Bhaalspawn paradise
Preventin' drowish sacrifice
Living in a Bhaalspawn paradise
We sell arms at discount price
Living in a Bhaalspawn paradise

A little boy gave me a new quest last week
And I smiled at him, and said that I would seek
The time to get to it, though I wish him well
He'll still be in the street while I'm slashing through Hell

But I ain't never turned a quest down even if it deserved it
Miss out on those XP? You know that's unheard of
Went up against a dragon that was filled with hate
Now my homies agree I really look good in plate - fool

If you come to Athkatla bring plenty of gold
The merchants are greedy and the thieves are bold
And they ain't really saints so watch your back, beware
They'd all slit your throat without a care.

There's no spells, no scrolls, no sorcery
All magic's underground
But like anything illegal
We know where it can be found

I have spent too much of life
Living in a Bhaalspawn paradise
We're just plain adventurin' guys
Living in a Bhaalspawn paradise
There's some time for sin and vice
Living in a Bhaalspawn paradise
Dave-approved nookie sure is nice
Living in a Bhaalspawn paradise

Hackin' up beholders, choppin' up mind flayers
Killed a dragon one day, another I'll be the Slayer
Think you're a kick-butt Bhaalspawn?
Think you're full of power?
Well I know I'm a million times
Stronger than you are

I'm the power player all the Bhaalspawn wanna be like
With my sword day and night
Doin' what I want with my own life
Don't be a pain like Sarevok
Or else my sibling I might have to also clean your clock

I have spent too much of life
Living in a Bhaalspawn paradise
Makin' out with a Helmite
Living in a Bhaalspawn paradise
There's so many monster fights
Living in a Bhaalspawn paradise
But endin' this game really bites
Living in a Bhaalspawn paradise