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Two Mages, a Priest and a Kensai


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#1 Guest_AlphaMonkey_*

Posted 31 July 2011 - 02:19 AM

“-This- is behaving?!”

“Uh… yes?”

“Imoen, you set the man ON FIRE!”

“But I didn’t use magic to do it! That counts for something, right?”

“How? Why?” There were more words after that initial outburst, but the pitch of Nalia’s voice had ascended into a range that only bats and other creatures with similarly structured ears could pick up.

Anomen ducked as Nalia engaged in a particularly emphatic bit of gesturing, and one of her hands went flailing in his direction. “I suppose it would be too much to ask why you had to immolate him at all?”

“He was threatening to have the two of us incarcerated for something or other. I don’t know. Failure to adequately discharge our obligations as landholders or stewards of said lands or… I wasn’t really paying attention. He had guys with swords with him.”

Imoen piped up. “And Cowlies. You know how I feel about Cowlies.”

“And instead of handling the situation diplomatically, you decided to cause some sort of… hullabaloo…”

Enara raised an eyebrow. “Hullabaloo?”

Anomen shrugged. “The ridiculousness of the situation warrants a silly word.”

She cracked a tiny smile. “Gotcha.”

“Could you maybe stop being so cavalier about all of this? You accosted a government official. That sort of behavior has repercussions!”

“Repercussions which I’m sure you can smooth over. Because you’re good at that sort of thing. It’s what they taught you in all those finishing schools, right?” Enara tried for a grin, but Nalia wasn’t having any of it. Despite having stared down some of the vilest horrors the Hells could spit up, Enara just couldn’t hold the mage’s gaze. She flinched. “Um. Ok, then. Never mind.”

“You’re lucky there isn’t a warrant out for your arrest right now. I mean, not that… not that anyone would be stupid enough to actually try and enforce one, but it’s the principle of the thing!”

“No, I get that,” Enara said with a sigh. “We can’t exactly go around defying law enforcement organizations all across Faerun.”

“As much as some of them deserve it,” Imoen grumbled beside her.

“As much as some of them deserve it.” Enara said with a nod.

“Ok. Ok, ok, ok. Here’s what we’ll do. I… I’ll head back to the Government District and… try to smooth things over. It won’t be easy – people in charge don’t like having their fancy robes doused in lamp oil and set ablaze, but I might be able to calm him down. But in the meantime, no more burning people with fire! Understand?”

Imoen raised a hand. “Um-”

Enara helpfully lowered it for her. “She didn’t say it, but I’m pretty sure she also means ‘No burning people with acid, either, Immy.”

“Nutbunnies. So not fair. It’s not like I hurt the guy. I just… I just singed his bum a little. He totally had it coming.”

“NO MORE BURNING PEOPLE.”

“Ok! Geez.”

“And while you’re busy NOT BURNING PEOPLE, it might be a good idea to see about finding some extra hands for when we have to go retake the keep.”

“I thought you were handling that with words so we wouldn’t have to handle it with weapons?”

Nalia sighed again and took a long pull from her mug of ale. She winced in disgust at it, shrugged, then drained the rest of the swill before signaling the nearby waitress for another round. “From the looks of things, it looks like the vote’s going to go my way, but a vote won’t help us much if the keep’s already in someone else’s hands. Like an invading army is going to just pick up and go home because of some silly vote. No. If they get a foothold, we’re going to have to oust them ourselves.”

“Funny. I seem to remember playing this game once before.”

“Yes. Yes, I know.”

“Ok, then. Well, we might still have a few friends in the city we can look up. You go play nice with the bluebloods.”

“Sounds like a plan. And-”

“Yes, yes. No burning of any kind this time. You have my absolute word on that. Even if I have to tie her wrists up myself.”

-----

“You said no more burning!”

“I did.”

“You said you’d tie her wrists up yourself!”

“I did!”

“Then what happened?!”

“I should have gagged her.”

“What?”

“Well, she… she suckered some poor slob into cutting her hands free. And then she managed to slip away from me, and then… next thing I know, half the Promenade is yelling ‘Fire! Fire!’”

“My head. Hurts. So much.”

“It was one of the guys from that group that bothered us before. He deserved what he got, too. And again, no real harm done, just his pride. And I’m sure even that’ll recover. Eventually. When people forget that he had to rip off his breeches in broad daylight, in public, and toss them into a fountain because they were on fire.” Imoen snickered.

“Are we -sure- the Solar took all the Murderspawn essence out of her?”

“I was, but now I’m starting to wonder if maybe she missed a little. But, at least I have some good news.”

“Oh, good news. Yes, please. I could use some of that.”

“Valygar’s coming with us to check out the situation at the keep.”

“Valygar hates me.”

“No, he d- yes, he hates you.”

Nalia thumped her forehead into the heel of her palm.

“Ok, I’m exaggerating a little. He’s warmed a little to the whole magic thing, but he still thinks you’re… dangerous.”

“You are!” Imoen helpfully and cheerfully chimed in.

“You’re one to talk, Pinkie Pie! Who’s the one who’s been randomly immolating people, again?”

“Yes, but I’m cute, and thus forgiven. Also, it wasn’t random, I had perfectly good reasons for turning those folks into human torches.”

Nalia clenched her hands into tight fists. “Can I-“

“No. No hitting. That just encourages her. Look. Point is, Valygar’s wary of you, but… he trusts you. To a point. And he’s willing to help. It took a lot of fast talking and… well… Immy being Immy to convince him.”

“You mean she stood there and went ‘Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please?’ until he said yes?”

Enara snapped her fingers. “Pretty much.”

“Uh huh. Well, I’ll take all the help I can get at this point. I don’t suppose he’s rescinded that vow of poverty he took?”

“Er. No. Still got the title, and the lands, but just the one servant. You know, the butler?”

Imoen snickered. “’Butler’ is such a funny word. It has ‘butt’ in it.”

Enara patently ignored her. “So… no army of retainers. But… you know, it’s Valygar. He’s handy in a fight.”

“True. I’ll give him that.”

“So relax. If it comes to fisticuffs and bloodshed, and you’re not even sure it will, we’ll… be slightly less unprepared than we might otherwise be. I guess.”

“Doomed. We are so doomed.”

#2 Guest_Blue-Inked_Frost_*

Posted 31 July 2011 - 04:37 AM

This installment was very vivid, a fun read. I noticed that it was almost all dialogue and still it felt as if the events were easy to visualise. The plot became really heated in this instalment. :P I liked the action beginning in this part. Imoen setting things on fire was hilarious, and I caught the MLP:FiM reference. :)

Edited by Blue-Inked_Frost, 31 July 2011 - 04:38 AM.


#3 Guest_IronDragon_*

Posted 31 July 2011 - 08:40 AM

Terribly cute and very funny. Two great things that go great together. And I can’t wait to see more Valygar

#4 Guest_Lily M Green_*

Posted 01 August 2011 - 06:25 PM

*Chortle*

I think that's all I need to say, 'cept p'raps...

Me Likey! More please. :lol:

#5 Guest_VigaHrolf_*

Posted 03 August 2011 - 03:47 PM

“-This- is behaving?!”

“Uh… yes?”

“Imoen, you set the man ON FIRE!”

“But I didn’t use magic to do it! That counts for something, right?”


Yes. It counts for TWO PEOPLE STILL ON FIRE. :D

“How? Why?” There were more words after that initial outburst, but the pitch of Nalia’s voice had ascended into a range that only bats and other creatures with similarly structured ears could pick up.


Nalia (Ody version) "Why is it that whatever universe it is, you exist to torment me?"

Imoen (Ody version) "Cause you're so good at being tormented?"

Nalia (Ody version) "AGRGHHH!!!!!"

“And instead of handling the situation diplomatically, you decided to cause some sort of… hullabaloo…”

Enara raised an eyebrow. “Hullabaloo?”

Anomen shrugged. “The ridiculousness of the situation warrants a silly word.”


Point - Anomen

“Could you maybe stop being so cavalier about all of this? You accosted a government official. That sort of behavior has repercussions!”

“Repercussions which I’m sure you can smooth over. Because you’re good at that sort of thing. It’s what they taught you in all those finishing schools, right?” Enara tried for a grin, but Nalia wasn’t having any of it. Despite having stared down some of the vilest horrors the Hells could spit up, Enara just couldn’t hold the mage’s gaze. She flinched. “Um. Ok, then. Never mind.”

“You’re lucky there isn’t a warrant out for your arrest right now. I mean, not that… not that anyone would be stupid enough to actually try and enforce one, but it’s the principle of the thing!”


*snickers*

Such a very good point about the enforceability of arresting one of the biggest heroes in Faerun.

“No, I get that,” Enara said with a sigh. “We can’t exactly go around defying law enforcement organizations all across Faerun.”

“As much as some of them deserve it,” Imoen grumbled beside her.

“As much as some of them deserve it.” Enara said with a nod.


I love that little exchange.

“Ok. Ok, ok, ok. Here’s what we’ll do. I… I’ll head back to the Government District and… try to smooth things over. It won’t be easy – people in charge don’t like having their fancy robes doused in lamp oil and set ablaze, but I might be able to calm him down. But in the meantime, no more burning people with fire! Understand?”

Imoen raised a hand. “Um-”

Enara helpfully lowered it for her. “She didn’t say it, but I’m pretty sure she also means ‘No burning people with acid, either, Immy.”

“Nutbunnies. So not fair. It’s not like I hurt the guy. I just… I just singed his bum a little. He totally had it coming.”

“NO MORE BURNING PEOPLE.”


Implied - You burn people, I BURN YOU. WITH FIRE. AND ACID. AND SCATHING HUMOR!!!

Imoen: "You know, you make enraged look good."

Nalia: *death glare* "How flammable do you think you are?"

Imoen: "Um.... not?"

Nalia: *evil smile* "Let's find out."

Nalia sighed again and took a long pull from her mug of ale. She winced in disgust at it, shrugged, then drained the rest of the swill before signaling the nearby waitress for another round. “From the looks of things, it looks like the vote’s going to go my way, but a vote won’t help us much if the keep’s already in someone else’s hands. Like an invading army is going to just pick up and go home because of some silly vote. No. If they get a foothold, we’re going to have to oust them ourselves.”


Hooray for Siege Warfare!!!!

“Yes, yes. No burning of any kind this time. You have my absolute word on that. Even if I have to tie her wrists up myself.”


Percent change of success: 5%

“You said no more burning!”

“I did.”

“You said you’d tie her wrists up yourself!”

“I did!”

“Then what happened?!”

“I should have gagged her.”

“What?”

“Well, she… she suckered some poor slob into cutting her hands free. And then she managed to slip away from me, and then… next thing I know, half the Promenade is yelling ‘Fire! Fire!’”


Change of Enara combusting due to enraged mage: 35%

“My head. Hurts. So much.”


Imoen: She makes you hurt where you think.

“It was one of the guys from that group that bothered us before. He deserved what he got, too. And again, no real harm done, just his pride. And I’m sure even that’ll recover. Eventually. When people forget that he had to rip off his breeches in broad daylight, in public, and toss them into a fountain because they were on fire.” Imoen snickered.

“Are we -sure- the Solar took all the Murderspawn essence out of her?”


Solar: "Don't look at me. I did my job."

“Valygar hates me.”

“No, he d- yes, he hates you.”

Nalia thumped her forehead into the heel of her palm.


Valygar: *small smile*

“Ok, I’m exaggerating a little. He’s warmed a little to the whole magic thing, but he still thinks you’re… dangerous.”

“You are!” Imoen helpfully and cheerfully chimed in.

“You’re one to talk, Pinkie Pie! Who’s the one who’s been randomly immolating people, again?”


Posted Image

That's all I have to say about that.

“Yes, but I’m cute, and thus forgiven. Also, it wasn’t random, I had perfectly good reasons for turning those folks into human torches.”

Nalia clenched her hands into tight fists. “Can I-“

“No. No hitting. That just encourages her. Look. Point is, Valygar’s wary of you, but… he trusts you. To a point. And he’s willing to help. It took a lot of fast talking and… well… Immy being Immy to convince him.”


Nalia: "Oh, I can do better than hit. Hey, Im, feeling up to Zero G training?"

Imoen: "What? NoOOOOO!!!" *bounces off the ceiling*

Nalia: *evil grin and maniacal laugh*

Enara patently ignored her. “So… no army of retainers. But… you know, it’s Valygar. He’s handy in a fight.”

“True. I’ll give him that.”

“So relax. If it comes to fisticuffs and bloodshed, and you’re not even sure it will, we’ll… be slightly less unprepared than we might otherwise be. I guess.”

“Doomed. We are so doomed.”


Pretty much. :D

Great fun Alpha. Great fun!

VH

#6 Guest_AlphaMonkey_*

Posted 03 August 2011 - 07:32 PM

This installment was very vivid, a fun read. I noticed that it was almost all dialogue and still it felt as if the events were easy to visualise. The plot became really heated in this instalment. :P I liked the action beginning in this part. Imoen setting things on fire was hilarious, and I caught the MLP:FiM reference. :)


I'm a little late to this whole Brony business, but yeah, figured I might as well throw one in for kicks.

And I've taken to doing the "extremely dialogue heavy to the exclusion of descriptor text" thing as a bit of a self-imposed challenge during quizzes. I've found it helps exercise the writing muscles a little.

#7 Guest_AlphaMonkey_*

Posted 03 August 2011 - 07:33 PM

Terribly cute and very funny. Two great things that go great together. And I can’t wait to see more Valygar


Cute and funny. Go together like fire and Immy, apparently. Heh.

#8 Guest_AlphaMonkey_*

Posted 03 August 2011 - 07:33 PM

*Chortle*

I think that's all I need to say, 'cept p'raps...

Me Likey! More please. :lol:


Working on it. I've got like a billion open projects so juggling them all is a pain, but I'll try and find the time somewhere.

#9 Guest_AlphaMonkey_*

Posted 03 August 2011 - 07:37 PM

Yes. It counts for TWO PEOPLE STILL ON FIRE.


Imoen (Enara-variant): "It was only a little bit of fire!"

Point - Anomen


I believe I stole that line from Suits. Which is a show about lawyers. Which would make it an extremely fitting choice for a lawful good cleric of Helm. :)

Hooray for Siege Warfare!!!!


Siege warfare can be awesome.

You need to play more Starcraft. We'll give you a whole bunch of Terran siege tanks to play with. You'll likey.

Imoen: She makes you hurt where you think.


She makes you hurt in your head parts. :)




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