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There's No Place Like Home, Chapter 7


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#1 Laufey

Posted 09 March 2003 - 01:57 PM

Chapter 7 - Bare Bones And Chicken Legs

Having been given directions from the Rusalka the children set off through the forest once more. Poppy was satisfied now that she was certain her Best Friend wouldn’t go off to do anything foolish on his own, and she was rather enjoying the adventure. “Dekkie?” she asked after a little while. “Just what is a Baba Yaga anyway?”

“Not a Baba Yaga,” her friend replied. He sounded worried, and that was a bad sign in itself. “There is only one Baba Yaga, and she is incredibly dangerous. There are these really nasty stories…”

“Yes, but what is she?”

“Nobody knows for certain. She could be a really old Witch, she could be some form of Hag or an ogress, maybe even a minor goddess. But it is known that she is really ugly, really strong in magical power, and that she enjoys human flesh above anything else.”

“Oh.” Poppy was silent for a moment. “Er…how about halfling flesh?”

“I wouldn’t gamble on her passing you up if I were you,” her friend dryly replied. “She might want dessert.”

“Oh. So, how are we going to kill her?”

“Kill her?” the boy said in an incredulous voice, practically gaping at her. “Of course we can’t kill her. The best we can hope for is to get that mirror somehow and get out alive. And let me tell you, it won’t be easy.”

“But you always say that there’s nobody in the world that a really good assassin can’t get to!”

“Well, yes. And maybe, just maybe, if we were grownups and fully trained, we could pull it off. But not now.” A thoughtful look crept into his black eyes. “Unless maybe we could push her into her oven or something…but it’s better not to take chances. It’s not as if we need to kill her anyway.”

After some time, the forest grew even darker than before, the only source of light being that of pale mushrooms shimmering against the damp black soil. There was a heavy, earthy smell in the air, and it was very quiet. Poppy thought that her breathing sounded extremely loud in her ears, and it bothered her that she no longer saw any animals about, not even the flies and mosquitoes who had annoyed her so much before. There are only dead things here, she thought. Dead things…and us. And I really, really, really hope we’re not about to become dead things.

“Look…” her friend suddenly said, pointing ahead. The halfling squinted a little to see what he had spotted, and then she gasped. It was a narrow road winding off through the forest, but that wasn’t what had startled her. The road was bordered by a tall fence on either side, a fence made completely out of bleached bones, smooth and yellow with old age. Thigh bones, leg bones, ribcages…and all of them human, or at least humanoid. There were fence posts as well, and on top of every single one sat a grinning human skull, watching the children with dark and empty eye sockets.

Not taking her eyes off the grim spectacle, Poppy wondered if her quick heartbeat might be heard all the way to the place where the owner of the fence and the fence posts lived. She hoped not. Beside her, she heard her Best Friend swallow heavily, and without even needing to look at each other, the children reached out to grasp each other’s hands tightly. Then they started down the road, side by side.

The road went on and on, and just when Poppy thought it was never going to end it started sloping downward, into a narrow valley. She thought she could just make out some sort of house nestled deep within the shadows, but before she had the time to take a closer look she heard a sound, as of approaching thunder. Then there was another shadow, passing high overhead, and the sound of laughter drifting down from above the treetops. “What was that?” the halfling asked once she was finally able to speak again.

“I…can’t be sure of course,” her Best Friend said, and his eyes looked huge in his pale face. Poppy didn’t doubt that she appeared much the same. “But I think it was Baba Yaga. She is said to have this enchanted mortar that she flies about in. Don’t ask me why, I’d prefer something more comfortable myself. Like one of those Calimshite carpets maybe.” Despite his attempt at a joke, Poppy didn’t doubt for a second that he was just as unnerved as she was and trying to keep up appearances for her sake. She decided to do the same.

“Yeah…” she said, grinning faintly. “Or how about a flying bed? Now that I would really like.”

They both giggled loudly at this, and if there was a strong undercurrent of nervousness beneath the levity they both pretended not to notice it.

The children followed the Road of Bones deeper into the dark valley, and eventually it ended at yet another fence of tall and very sharp bones. There was a gate in the fence, and on a stake in front of the gate hung another skull. The gate didn’t seem to have any lock at all, nor any handle. “That’s odd…” Poppy said. “How are we supposed to get inside?”

“I don’t know,” her Best Friend said, frowning at the gate. “The stories never said anything about this. Let’s take a look.” Both of them carefully examined the gate, searching for the hidden keyhole that almost certainly had to be there, but to no avail.

“This is silly!” Poppy eventually said. “There has to be something, otherwise how can Baba Yaga herself get inside?”

“Well, she usually asks me,” said a dry and dusty voice from behind her. Startled, the children turned around to see…nobody at all.

“Who said that?” the young Dekaras asked in what he probably meant to be a threatening voice, and what probably would have been one if it had only been a few octaves lower.

“Who else? Me of course. Come around this way, I don’t like you talking to the back of my skull.”

Suddenly Poppy realized who the speaker had to be. “It’s the skull!” she exclaimed, running around to see for herself. And indeed it was. A faint red light glowed deep within the skull’s eye sockets, and when it spoke again she could clearly hear the voice escaping from between its yellow teeth.

“So,” the skull said. “Two little kiddies on their way to Baba Yaga. Ain’t that sweet? Not that she’ll find either of you particularly filling, she’ll probably just stick you on a cocktail stick and use you both for appetizers, but hey, it’s the thought that counts.”

“We’re not little!” Dekaras said, sounding highly insulted. “And we won’t let her eat us.”

“That’s right,” Poppy agreed. “We do want to see her though. Can you let us in?”

“Yes.”

Poppy noticed her Best Friend giving the skull a baleful look as he spoke again. “Really? And would you know, for some strange reason I get the impression that you’re not going to.”

“That’s right. Or at least not unless you promise to do something for me first.”

“Such as?”

The skull chuckled quietly. “If you manage to get out alive, you take me with you when you go.”

”Why?”

“What do you think? How would you like being a disembodied skull hanging about on a stick for centuries? I’m bored out of my skull if you must know. I want to see the world, or at least something more exciting than a lot of other deadheads and some trees. Do we have a deal?”

The children looked at each other. “I guess we don’t have a choice,” Poppy said. “But you get to keep him in your room, Dekkie.”

The boy shrugged. “I don’t mind. I think he’s rather neat, actually.” He turned to the skull. “All right. It’s a deal. Now let us in.”

“Have fun with Baba Yaga, kiddies,” the skull said as the gate slowly swung open. “Oh, and I hope you can manage the hut all right. It’s been a bit skittish lately. Oh, and Baba herself is very cranky. She bought this amazing magical grain for the hut, one corn to keep it fed for a decade, and then she managed to forget where she hid it, can you believe that? I tell ya, she's about ready to pop an artery…”

“What did he mean ‘skittish’?” Poppy asked her Best Friend as they slipped through the gate.

“Well, according to the stories, Baba Yaga’s house is…” The boy fell silent as the house in question became visible. It looked like a fairly small wooden cottage, with a grass-covered roof; a little hut such as you might see anywhere and not give a second glance. That is, apart from the fact that the hut was precariously balancing by a pair of enormous chicken legs, elevating it to the level of the treetops, and that it was also spinning around continuously. “…a bit unusual,” Dekaras finished, not taking his eyes off the hut. “Never thought I’d see it for real. Never wanted to, actually.”

“So how do we get inside?”

“There’s said to be some sort of rhyme to make the hut sit down.”

“Do you know it?”

“No. We’ll have to think of some other way.”

“Well,” Poppy said, gazing at the trees adjoining the hut, “we are both good at climbing…”

Some time later the two apprentice assassins had managed to reach the top of a tallish pine that stood close enough to the hut that they might possible be able to reach it from there. “I guess we’ll have to jump from here,” Poppy said, eyeing the spinning roof a little beneath her.

“Yes. I’d better go first, by the way.”

“How come?”

“Well, I’m a little heavier than you are. If that branch can bear me, it can bear you.”

“And if it can’t bear you?” Poppy asked, not liking the scenario very much.

Her Best Friend simply shrugged in that extremely annoying manner he always did when he had already made up his mind about doing something dangerous and wasn’t going to change it. “Then I’d better try to learn to fly really quickly.” Without waiting for a reply he walked out on the branch, swaying a little but keeping his balance. Poppy watched intently, not daring to breathe. Then he jumped, landing on the roof of the chicken-leg hut and clung to the chimney in order to keep steady. The halfling let out her breath explosively, then followed suit. Butterflies churning in her stomach she made her way out on the branch, then concentrated on the spinning roof, while trying not to get dizzy. She didn’t dare wait too long. Finally she jumped, landing neatly on the roof next to her friend and sat down heavily.

“That was fun!” Poppy said, grinning widely. “And this roof is really something, isn’t it, Dekkie? Look how fast we’re spinning! Round and round and round we go, isn’t this fun!”

“Not…not that fun,” her friend said, looking a little green in the face. “Not fun at all actually…I think we’d better try to get inside somehow. Or at the very least get down from here.”

“Why? I want to ride some more. Around and around and around and around…”

“Poppy, what do you suppose happens if somebody happens to throw up while sitting on the top of a spinning roof?”

“Er…the puke flies all over the place?”

“That’s right. So unless you want to risk getting it in the face…”

“Oh. All right. Pity. I liked going around and around and around…”

“Will you stop saying that? I don’t know how much longer I can keep it in.”

It was at this moment that a screechy voice spoke from inside the hut. “Chicken Hut, now stop your trot. Harken, listen up and squat.” Instantly, the hut folded its legs beneath itself, zooming downwards into a sitting position. On the roof, the children clung to the chimney for dear life, just barely managing not to fall off. At least the house had stopped spinning. Poppy peered carefully across the roof, trying to see what was happening on the ground. Somewhere beneath her a door opened with a loud creak, and then there was that voice again, that sounded just about as rusty as the hinges of the door. “Little mice on the roof, I hear you well. Come down, lest I fetch you myself. Did you think you could trick old Baba Yaga? I have good eyes still, and my ears are better. Now come.”

The children eyed each other nervously, trying to press themselves flat against the roof in order not to be seen. Guess we should have been more quiet, Poppy thought. But it’s too late now.

“As you wish then, “ the screechy voice said. “Little ones, fly straight and true, Baba Yaga welcomes you.” Without warning, Poppy found herself swept off the roof and flying through the air, until she landed on the ground in front of the hut’s front door. Before she could get her bearings, a strong hand grasped her by the arm and pulled both her and her Best Friend inside. Oh crud, the halfling thought. I hope she’s eaten already today.
Rogues do it from behind.




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