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Destiny’s Foster Child : 21


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#1 Guest_IronDragon_*

Posted 10 March 2008 - 08:31 AM

Singing the Blues
Or
Pray the Radiation Level is OK



“And that’s how I learned to never say ‘bite me’ to a vampire.”

Montaron grumbled halfheartedly and the two of them strolled through the party’s makeshift camp. Even though Xzar was being his usual bizarre and annoying self, it was difficult to be taciturn on this beautiful sunny day. “Too bad none of ‘em took you up on that offer.” He finally managed to say, satisfying his need to maintain his reputation

“ What offer?” Khalid asked without his usual speech impediment in evidence.

Montaron had not realized they had wandered into ear shot of their traveling companions. Thought the group seems to have accepted that his surely and taciturn demeanor was some sort of act, he had no desire to change their opinions. The group also seemed to accept Xzar’s bizarre behavior and insane rants as some effect of emotional trauma, they were fools to do so but since there was no way to gracefully leave this group without a lot of blood shed Montaron played the game. “Oh nothing,” He thought better of rejecting the conversation of one of the people controlling the purse strings of the harpers. “How are the wounds?” He asked hoping he actually sounded interested.

“J…Jaheira has exhausted her healing spells but we are all whole and healthy again.” Khalid’s mood darkened. “Imagine, Amnish n…nobility hunting humans for sport. How h…horrible.

“Especially since humans are out of season.” Xzar added.

“What?”

Monty gave the green robed necromancer a good swift kick. “Never mind him, he’s just feeling …frisky.”

“Yes w…well w…whatever. Thank you again for d…dealing with those small side quests while we were r…recuperating.”

Xzar brightened, “I was glad to volunteer. What a coincidence that we bump into two children both of whom had lost their pets on the very same day. Monty was a great help returning that cute puppy to that little girl by the waterfall. And that poor boy’s dead kitten, well I set that right and he and that precocious child have been are reunited.”

“G…good. Well Jaheira is insisting we are break c…camp and continue back to Nashkel, I have packing to do.”

Once Khalid was well away Montaron growled. “Happy? You turned that cat into a flesh eating zombie and that dog was a demon from the lower planes.”

Xzar rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “I thought it odd a puppy would be six foot tall at the shoulder and wear a collar made of human skulls. You have to admit he was cute though. I wonder if he and his little mistress are getting on.”

“Well the way she screamed and ran away at the sight of him and the way he was chasing her down the mountain…I can only guess.”

“She certainly could run fast for such a little snip. I imagine she gave her puppy quite a run too. And that whiny young lad, he has a handful with that kitten.”

“And the fact that when we left the kitten was trying to eat the boys brains…you do realize you gave those kids the wrong pets don’t ya?”

“I did? Xzar looked genuinely shocked. “Well why didn’t you say something?”

“It was your side quest, you forced me to come along with you. Not my job to make sure you don’t screw everything up.

“Well I don’t think it was a ‘screw up’ at all.”

“How do you figure that?”

“I helped both children learn a valuable lesson about caring for their pets. Pets are a big responsibility, not something to be taken lightly. Isn’t that right Minsc?”

“Yes in deed. Boo is a great responsibility. And I always take very good care of him!”

They had found Minsc on top of a gentle rise. He was hovering near his hamster who was balanced on his stomach on top of a three foot tall stick. Boo had all four limbs stretch out wide and he was slowly spinning making soft beeping sounds. “What exactly are you doing to that hamster?”

Minsc looked surprised that they had to ask. “Activating the BPS, Boo Positioning System,” he replied.

“You’re turning him into a compass?” Montaron asked.

“Do not be ridiculous tiny man. You need a raccoon to make a compass.”

Xzar regarded the perfectly balanced hamster. “Seems a lot of trouble to get a raccoon balanced on a stick just to find north.”

“Minsc agrees. But nothing compared to building a geiger counter. Moose are always so temperamental, especially if you get the stick in the wrong spot.”

Jaheira appeared beside them looking stressed. “If we are done bothering our ranger, perhaps we can get him to return to the task at hand. Our return to Nashkell has been delayed long enough. We have wasted the last ten days wandering aimlessly in the wilderness and all because of faulty direction. I swear, that was the last time we take directions from a squirrel.”

Misc looked hurt. “You insisted we stop ask for direction. Minsc and Boo knew where we were going, especially after we found the tracks of those other adventurers.”

Jaheira put her hands to her face and sighed. “Those were our tracks, we were going in circles!”

“No wonder we never came across those other adventurers. Maybe we should have walked faster.”

Jaheira paused to count to twenty, she had long ago given up counting to ten. When she was done she spoke with renewed calm. “Minsc, dear, could you be so kind as to direct us towards the town of Nashkel, it’s quite important that we return there.”

“Do not worry Green lady, Boo has found the way.”

“He found the relative position of Nashkel?”

“:No, he spotted the smoke from the villages many chimneys.” Minsc point towards the north and there were faint traces of smoke rising in the air.

“What ever gets us there,” Jaheira sighed quietly. She turned to the rest of the party “Lets get the fighters loaded up, we have a lot of ground to cover today.”




Montaron scanned the shadowy cliffs of the canyon walls with suspicion. “I don’t recall passing through terrain like this on our trip out form Nashkel.”

“Well Monty, to be perfectly frank, your memory is quite spotty, I remember the time you denied remembering just how Lady Dumont dainty under things found their way up to your boudoir.”

“Shut yer mouth you cross eyes git.”

“Cross eyed? No that was Lady Dumont.” He leaned over to Kagain and whispered “It was freaky, you could never tell if she was looking at you.”

Kagain decided to change the subject before Montaron blew a gasket. “I must agree with Montaron…at least about our path. We have not passed through terrain like this before.”

“Hey you…snotheads!” Ahead of the party were two small vividly blue men. Both were bare chested and wearing simple white trousers that seemed to also extend into foot coverings. They both wore caps of the same white material. The one that shouted at them charged waving his sword. “Buy commemorative stamps or die!” It yelled. The party fired several arrows at the creature and it fell more than ten paces away from them. The party gathered around the small blue man. It gasped for breath. “I regret nothing….nothing except…except…”

“Except what?” Jaheira demanded.

“Except that the nine digit zip code was never properly implemented or accepted by the public.” The blue man gasped again and went limp.

Minsc held Boo over the blue man for a moment. Boo beeped fretfully. “He’s dead Jim.” Minsc announced.

The other tiny blue man wandered over to the party, examined his dead companion. “You killed Postal Xvart. You Bastards.” He sighed and kicked at a pebble. “Not that it matters. But it always seems to happen to the people I’m on guard duty with. Suicidal Xvart. Manic Depressive Xvart. Accident Prone Xvart. Hemophiliac Xvart.” He counted off each on his fingers.

“We are sorry if we caused any grief,” Jaheira said. “Such was not our intention, but your companion attacked us.”

“Whatever,” the blue man said. “Well I suppose I should take you to our leader, Papa Xvart, so you can explain what happened.”

“I suppose so… and you are.?”

“I’m Apathetic Xvart…not that it matters.”

Apathetic Xvart led the group to a small groupings of thatched huts in a widened area of the canyon. The community was filled with dozens of little blue men all dressed alike in whites. The blue men scurried about as if engaged in some industry not giving the new comers more than a passing glance. “You all live here?” Jaheira asked.

“We have gathered her near Nashkel for some grand purpose. I’ve heard about it a few times, I just never really paid any attention.” Apathetic Xvart said as yawned.

“And these are all members of yoru tribe?”

it took a few moments for their guide to answer. “Some of them. Sleazy Xvart, Disco Xvart, Homophobic Xvart, Dim-witted Xvart are all from my home, the rest...” Apathetic Xvart shrugged.

“Where are your women folk?”

“We only have one,” he replied.

“One? That must be…awkward?”

“Why?”

“Never mind. I suppose she has a name like Apathetic Xvartette.”

Apathetic Xvart stopped and stared at them. “Her name is Doris.”

“Jaheira,” Ajantis said in a low voice. “They have enough here that if all were armed they could invade Nashkel. And with the poorly thought out defenses of that village I would have to believe the Amnish guards would be over run.”

“We have no plans to invade the human world with weapons.” A blue man with a white beard said. Like the rest, he was also dressed in the strange white leggings and cap.

“Papa Xvart, I presume.” Jaheira said. “I take it from your comment you plan on invading Nashkel.”

“No sense in denying it. Yes do plan on invading. It will be a xvarty good time too.”

“But why would you do such a thing?” Dynaheir asked. “Surely you will have little to gain.”

“We have plenty to gain snot head.” Came Papa Xvart’s terse reply. “Nashkel will become our manufacturing center and will give us access to the vast capital and shipping capacities of Amn itself.”

“Industry? Shipping? What fiendish plan do you have up your…err…sleeve?”

“For to long tall and unnaturally hued people have dominated life in this world.”

Unnatural!” Jaheira protested.

Papa Xvart sneered at her. “You herd me, unnatural. You ever see anything in nature with your flesh tone?”

“Ummm.”

“Oh I have,” Xzar interjected. “The effluence form a paper mill.”

“The occasional dead fish.” Minsc added.

“A well fed vampire,” Ajantis said thoughtfully rubbing his chin.

“Tou may all speak for yourselves.” Dynaheir said with a huff.

“Exactly!” Papa Xvart exclaimed. “Now, check out the xvart.” He rubbed a hand over his bare chest. “Cool blue and always in style. But that isn’t the point. We of the xvart are tired of taking a back seat to disgusting creatures like you humans.”

‘Technically, I’m not a human at all.” Kagain said. And I’m damn proud of that fact too.”

Montaron nodded vigorously. “I’m with the Dwarf on that one. Humans always think there so great, just because they can get things off the top shelf, with their namby pamby rules and their…their shoes!”

“So you are going to assault Nashkel.”

“Not with weapons.” Papa Xvart snapped his fingers and the hide coverings of the huts were pulled away to reveal the huts were filled to over flowing with a plethora of blue object. “We will invade with these. We have cuddly xzart plush toys, xvart bed sheets, xvart bumper stickers, xvart coffe mugs, xvart key chains, xvart toilet seats, xvart pop up books, xvart personal lubricant, xvart pillows, xvart dishes, xvart blue jeans.”

Xzar clapped his hands. “Oh I want them all. Can I have one of those plush toys Jaheira? They are so cute.”

Papa Xvart rubbed his hands together with glee. “Soon every household on the Sword Coast will be overflowing with xvart related merchandise. Our coffers will be overflowing with gold as none can resist such cute items. Then we open our theme park, we set up dummy corporations and franchise inns and coffee houses.” Papa Xvart was breathing heavily. “Today Nashkel, tomorrow the world!”

“You fiends!” Ajantis said while pointing an accusing finger. “Why not try military conquest and genocide like civilized creatures, not this appeal to consumerism?”

“Ex…excuse me.” Khalid blurted out. “I can’t help b…but think that all th…this will just be some fad, quickly f…forgotten.”

“But you have not taken into account our xvart mind control powers. With our cute ways and charming musical abilities…abilities that will be showcased in the afore mentioned amusement park, we will control the feeble minded and the weak willed. You humans will be unable to resist us.”

Ajantis drew his sword. “I’ve hard enough of this. Time to put an end to your evil and blue tinted schemes.”

“You think your weapons can harm us? Come my little xvarts. Sing for our guests. Make them our slaves!”

The dozens of little blue men in the makeshift village ran to Papa Xvart. They joined hands in a series of rows and began to sing.

“it's a world of anger, a world or jeers
You’re all dopes, or so we hear
You hate us, we don’t care
so everyone beware
its a xvart world after all

its a xvart world after all
its a xvart world after all
its a xvart world after all
its a xvart, xvart world

Here is a moon, don’t mind our blue bums
we flip the finger to everyone.
when our peoples collide
and our jokes are all snide
its a xvart world after all

its a xvart world after all
its a xvart world after all
its a xvart world after all
its a xvart, xvart world

Jaheira fell to her knees trying to cover her ears. “The horror!” She screamed. “Make it stop! For the love of the Gods Make it stop!”

Ajantis had fallen to the ground, he was curled in the fetal position and he was sucking his thumb. Khalid and Kagain looked as if they were mesmerized. They swayed slowly in time to the song.

its a xvart world after all
its a xvart world after all
its a xvart world after all
its a xvart, xvart world

Minsc also showed signs of succumbing to the pure evil of the xvart. He was humming along with the little blue men. suddenly he and Montaron began dancing together singing the xvart song together.

“Oh Monty, not you too” Xzar yelled at his halfling friend. “Fight them Monty, fight them!

Dynaheir shook her head and scowled. “No one abused Minsc but me!”

Xzar ran up to Dynaheir. “We must save them.”

She nodded closing her eyes to force the hypnotic effects of the song away. “Yes…we have to act quickly lest all be lost.”

Xzar waved a hand at the blue chorus. “After you m’lady.”

Dynaheir smiled. "Thy decency is refreshing. So many we meet are... lacking." She glared at the group of singing xvarts, pointed and announced, “Fireball.” A globe of flame exploded among them, their singing halted as charred bodies were flung away from the blast.

“Ho ho!” Xzar exclaimed! “I can play that song to. Fireball.” More flames erupted, engulfing more of the blue men.

“Well necromancer, if it is a display of power you wish, you need look no further. Cloudkill.” Orange billowing mists gathered around the xzarts. Many dropped over dead. Other held on a few moments gasping desperately for breath.

“My, I am impressed. But I will stick with the bascis if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all.”

“Thank you good witch. Fireball.” More flames engulfed the xvarts trying to flee. Dynaheir and Xzar went to their companions who were recovering from there ordeal.

Only papa Xzart was left standing. He was scared and burned and he had lost his white cap. “You snot heads!” He screamed at them. “You think you defeated us. I will collect more xvarts and we will be back. Our songs will infect your children and once that happens…merchandising. Our little blue buts will be everywhere. You can’t stop us.” And with that he took off running remarkably fast for a tiny blue man.

Both Xzar and Dynaheir raised there hands to cast spells but Jaheira interrupted them. “May I?”

“By all means Jaheira. We wouldn’t want to hog all the fun.”

“How kind of you Xzar. Call lightning.” A massive bolt of lightning descended form the cloudless sky. Papa Xvart was struck and tossed about like a leaf. His last words were lost in the reverberating thunderclap.

“Now can I have a plush toy…please?’

Jaheira signed. “Considering you did save us, I suppose. But just one.”

#2 Guest_Clight_*

Posted 10 March 2008 - 01:36 PM

The group also seemed to accept Xzar’s bizarre behavior and insane rants as some effect of emotional trauma, they were fools to do so but since there was no way to gracefully leave this group without a lot of blood shed Montaron played the game.

I love the implication, intended or not, that there is a graceful way involving a lot of bloodshed.

#3 Guest_Clight_*

Posted 10 March 2008 - 01:36 PM

Double post - curses.

#4 Guest_IronDragon_*

Posted 10 March 2008 - 06:33 PM

The group also seemed to accept Xzar’s bizarre behavior and insane rants as some effect of emotional trauma, they were fools to do so but since there was no way to gracefully leave this group without a lot of blood shed Montaron played the game.

I love the implication, intended or not, that there is a graceful way involving a lot of bloodshed.

Well…it is Montaron were talking about…pretty much every way involves a lot of bloodshed

#5 Guest_Theodur_*

Posted 11 March 2008 - 12:18 PM

“J…Jaheira has exhausted her healing spells but we are all whole and healthy again.” Khalid’s mood darkened. “Imagine, Amnish n…nobility hunting humans for sport. How h…horrible.


“Especially since humans are out of season.” Xzar added.


I bet it’s really annoying for him, because he can’t harvest spell components.

Xzar brightened, “I was glad to volunteer. What a coincidence that we bump into two children both of whom had lost their pets on the very same day. Monty was a great help returning that cute puppy to that little girl by the waterfall. And that poor boy’s dead kitten, well I set that right and he and that precocious child have been are reunited.”


Why do I feel moderately alarmed about this resolution? ;)

“She certainly could run fast for such a little snip. I imagine she gave her puppy quite a run too. And that whiny young lad, he has a handful with that kitten.”


“And the fact that when we left the kitten was trying to eat the boys brains…you do realize you gave those kids the wrong pets don’t ya?”


Ah, I see that I was grievously mistaken… everything is just Fine. :)

They had found Minsc on top of a gentle rise. He was hovering near his hamster who was balanced on his stomach on top of a three foot tall stick. Boo had all four limbs stretch out wide and he was slowly spinning making soft beeping sounds. “What exactly are you doing to that hamster?”


No animal abuse here, no sir! I wonder if Boo gave his consent, though.

Jaheira appeared beside them looking stressed. “If we are done bothering our ranger, perhaps we can get him to return to the task at hand. Our return to Nashkell has been delayed long enough. We have wasted the last ten days wandering aimlessly in the wilderness and all because of faulty direction. I swear, that was the last time we take directions from a squirrel.”


Well, to be fair, a party containing a druid and a ranger getting lost in wilderness sounds rather ridiculous.

“:No, he spotted the smoke from the villages many chimneys.” Minsc point towards the north and there were faint traces of smoke rising in the air.


Obviously, you would have never noticed this, unless placing poor Boo to spin on a stick. ;)

“Hey you…snotheads!” Ahead of the party were two small vividly blue men. Both were bare chested and wearing simple white trousers that seemed to also extend into foot coverings. They both wore caps of the same white material. The one that shouted at them charged waving his sword. “Buy commemorative stamps or die!” It yelled. The party fired several arrows at the creature and it fell more than ten paces away from them. The party gathered around the small blue man. It gasped for breath. “I regret nothing….nothing except…except…”


That sounds horribly familiar. *is scared, probably for a good reason*

“Whatever,” the blue man said. “Well I suppose I should take you to our leader, Papa Xvart, so you can explain what happened.”


Oh gods… can’t we just kill them, without talking to them… because I’m pretty sure talking will hurt.

“We only have one,” he replied.


“One? That must be…awkward?”


I’ve been made aware of incredible amount of Smurfs slash sites out there on ‘teh Internets’, so I suppose it doesn’t seem very awkward to many. :P

“Exactly!” Papa Xvart exclaimed. “Now, check out the xvart.” He rubbed a hand over his bare chest. “Cool blue and always in style. But that isn’t the point. We of the xvart are tired of taking a back seat to disgusting creatures like you humans.”


I think we are overdue for a fireball here.

Papa Xvart rubbed his hands together with glee. “Soon every household on the Sword Coast will be overflowing with xvart related merchandise. Our coffers will be overflowing with gold as none can resist such cute items. Then we open our theme park, we set up dummy corporations and franchise inns and coffee houses.” Papa Xvart was breathing heavily. “Today Nashkel, tomorrow the world!”


What a completely original scheme! Still… if it was kobolds behind it… I’d be completely sold.

its a xvart world after all
its a xvart world after all
its a xvart world after all
its a xvart, xvart world


Jaheira fell to her knees trying to cover her ears. “The horror!” She screamed. “Make it stop! For the love of the Gods Make it stop!”


I find myself feeling somewhat similar. :)

Dynaheir smiled. "Thy decency is refreshing. So many we meet are... lacking." She glared at the group of singing xvarts, pointed and announced, “Fireball.” A globe of flame exploded among them, their singing halted as charred bodies were flung away from the blast.


Awww. Beautiful, just beautiful. :)

“How kind of you Xzar. Call lightning.” A massive bolt of lightning descended form the cloudless sky. Papa Xvart was struck and tossed about like a leaf. His last words were lost in the reverberating thunderclap.


Yay! Very poetic end to the xvart world domination plans… good riddance. :)

#6 Guest_IronDragon_*

Posted 12 March 2008 - 08:37 PM

“J…Jaheira has exhausted her healing spells but we are all whole and healthy again.” Khalid’s mood darkened. “Imagine, Amnish n…nobility hunting humans for sport. How h…horrible.


“Especially since humans are out of season.” Xzar added.


I bet it’s really annoying for him, because he can’t harvest spell components.

but with the lack of forest rangers to monitor hunting.......

Xzar brightened, “I was glad to volunteer. What a coincidence that we bump into two children both of whom had lost their pets on the very same day. Monty was a great help returning that cute puppy to that little girl by the waterfall. And that poor boy’s dead kitten, well I set that right and he and that precocious child have been are reunited.”


Why do I feel moderately alarmed about this resolution? ;)

Something tells me you really aren’t that alarmed

“She certainly could run fast for such a little snip. I imagine she gave her puppy quite a run too. And that whiny young lad, he has a handful with that kitten.”


“And the fact that when we left the kitten was trying to eat the boys brains…you do realize you gave those kids the wrong pets don’t ya?”


Ah, I see that I was grievously mistaken… everything is just Fine. :)

i knew it

They had found Minsc on top of a gentle rise. He was hovering near his hamster who was balanced on his stomach on top of a three foot tall stick. Boo had all four limbs stretch out wide and he was slowly spinning making soft beeping sounds. “What exactly are you doing to that hamster?”


No animal abuse here, no sir! I wonder if Boo gave his consent, though.

he likes it

Jaheira appeared beside them looking stressed. “If we are done bothering our ranger, perhaps we can get him to return to the task at hand. Our return to Nashkell has been delayed long enough. We have wasted the last ten days wandering aimlessly in the wilderness and all because of faulty direction. I swear, that was the last time we take directions from a squirrel.”


Well, to be fair, a party containing a druid and a ranger getting lost in wilderness sounds rather ridiculous.

I was unaware that “produce local map” was a class feature of Druids

Maybe in 4.0


“:No, he spotted the smoke from the villages many chimneys.” Minsc point towards the north and there were faint traces of smoke rising in the air.


Obviously, you would have never noticed this, unless placing poor Boo to spin on a stick. ;)

hey it worked didn't it?

“Hey you…snotheads!” Ahead of the party were two small vividly blue men. Both were bare chested and wearing simple white trousers that seemed to also extend into foot coverings. They both wore caps of the same white material. The one that shouted at them charged waving his sword. “Buy commemorative stamps or die!” It yelled. The party fired several arrows at the creature and it fell more than ten paces away from them. The party gathered around the small blue man. It gasped for breath. “I regret nothing….nothing except…except…”


That sounds horribly familiar. *is scared, probably for a good reason*

You are probably scared for the wrong reasons

“Whatever,” the blue man said. “Well I suppose I should take you to our leader, Papa Xvart, so you can explain what happened.”


Oh gods… can’t we just kill them, without talking to them… because I’m pretty sure talking will hurt.

not the talking so much

“We only have one,” he replied.


“One? That must be…awkward?”


I’ve been made aware of incredible amount of Smurfs slash sites out there on ‘teh Internets’, so I suppose it doesn’t seem very awkward to many. :P

You seem awful familiar about smurf slash fic

“Exactly!” Papa Xvart exclaimed. “Now, check out the xvart.” He rubbed a hand over his bare chest. “Cool blue and always in style. But that isn’t the point. We of the xvart are tired of taking a back seat to disgusting creatures like you humans.”


I think we are overdue for a fireball here.

way overdue

Papa Xvart rubbed his hands together with glee. “Soon every household on the Sword Coast will be overflowing with xvart related merchandise. Our coffers will be overflowing with gold as none can resist such cute items. Then we open our theme park, we set up dummy corporations and franchise inns and coffee houses.” Papa Xvart was breathing heavily. “Today Nashkel, tomorrow the world!”


What a completely original scheme! Still… if it was kobolds behind it… I’d be completely sold.

its a xvart world after all
its a xvart world after all
its a xvart world after all
its a xvart, xvart world


Jaheira fell to her knees trying to cover her ears. “The horror!” She screamed. “Make it stop! For the love of the Gods Make it stop!”


I find myself feeling somewhat similar. :)

but in the real world it NEVER stops

Dynaheir smiled. "Thy decency is refreshing. So many we meet are... lacking." She glared at the group of singing xvarts, pointed and announced, “Fireball.” A globe of flame exploded among them, their singing halted as charred bodies were flung away from the blast.


Awww. Beautiful, just beautiful. :)

glad you approve

“How kind of you Xzar. Call lightning.” A massive bolt of lightning descended form the cloudless sky. Papa Xvart was struck and tossed about like a leaf. His last words were lost in the reverberating thunderclap.


Yay! Very poetic end to the xvart world domination plans… good riddance. :)

Yes the end….

Or is it???? Dun Dun DUUUNNN

#7 Guest_Cel_*

Posted 17 March 2008 - 10:56 AM

“And that’s how I learned to never say ‘bite me’ to a vampire.”


A good lesson, that.

“J…Jaheira has exhausted her healing spells but we are all whole and healthy again.” Khalid’s mood darkened. “Imagine, Amnish n…nobility hunting humans for sport. How h…horrible.


Oh, that group. Annoying gits (but with nice leather armour!)

Xzar brightened, “I was glad to volunteer. What a coincidence that we bump into two children both of whom had lost their pets on the very same day. Monty was a great help returning that cute puppy to that little girl by the waterfall. And that poor boy’s dead kitten, well I set that right and he and that precocious child have been are reunited.”


...I don't like the sound of this :)

Once Khalid was well away Montaron growled. “Happy? You turned that cat into a flesh eating zombie and that dog was a demon from the lower planes.”

Xzar rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “I thought it odd a puppy would be six foot tall at the shoulder and wear a collar made of human skulls. You have to admit he was cute though. I wonder if he and his little mistress are getting on.”

“Well the way she screamed and ran away at the sight of him and the way he was chasing her down the mountain…I can only guess.”

“She certainly could run fast for such a little snip. I imagine she gave her puppy quite a run too. And that whiny young lad, he has a handful with that kitten.”

“And the fact that when we left the kitten was trying to eat the boys brains…you do realize you gave those kids the wrong pets don’t ya?”

“I did? Xzar looked genuinely shocked. “Well why didn’t you say something?”


You know, with Xzar I can only wonder why it didn't turn out even worse :D

They had found Minsc on top of a gentle rise. He was hovering near his hamster who was balanced on his stomach on top of a three foot tall stick. Boo had all four limbs stretch out wide and he was slowly spinning making soft beeping sounds. “What exactly are you doing to that hamster?”


:twisted:

Minsc looked surprised that they had to ask. “Activating the BPS, Boo Positioning System,” he replied.

“You’re turning him into a compass?” Montaron asked.

“Do not be ridiculous tiny man. You need a raccoon to make a compass.”

Xzar regarded the perfectly balanced hamster. “Seems a lot of trouble to get a raccoon balanced on a stick just to find north.”

“Minsc agrees. But nothing compared to building a geiger counter. Moose are always so temperamental, especially if you get the stick in the wrong spot.”


:shock:

The other tiny blue man wandered over to the party, examined his dead companion. “You killed Postal Xvart. You Bastards.” He sighed and kicked at a pebble. “Not that it matters. But it always seems to happen to the people I’m on guard duty with. Suicidal Xvart. Manic Depressive Xvart. Accident Prone Xvart. Hemophiliac Xvart.” He counted off each on his fingers.


Oh no.

Oh, no.

“Where are your women folk?”

“We only have one,” he replied.

“One? That must be…awkward?”

“Why?”

“Never mind. I suppose she has a name like Apathetic Xvartette.”

Apathetic Xvart stopped and stared at them. “Her name is Doris.”


:lol:

“Jaheira,” Ajantis said in a low voice. “They have enough here that if all were armed they could invade Nashkel. And with the poorly thought out defenses of that village I would have to believe the Amnish guards would be over run.”


Well, a cattle drawn wagon could overrun Nashkel - if it can maneuver in the mud, that is.

“Not with weapons.” Papa Xvart snapped his fingers and the hide coverings of the huts were pulled away to reveal the huts were filled to over flowing with a plethora of blue object. “We will invade with these. We have cuddly xzart plush toys, xvart bed sheets, xvart bumper stickers, xvart coffe mugs, xvart key chains, xvart toilet seats, xvart pop up books, xvart personal lubricant, xvart pillows, xvart dishes, xvart blue jeans.”


This should work better than any armed assault, really.

Minsc also showed signs of succumbing to the pure evil of the xvart. He was humming along with the little blue men. suddenly he and Montaron began dancing together singing the xvart song together.


:D

Dynaheir smiled. "Thy decency is refreshing. So many we meet are... lacking." She glared at the group of singing xvarts, pointed and announced, “Fireball.” A globe of flame exploded among them, their singing halted as charred bodies were flung away from the blast.

“Ho ho!” Xzar exclaimed! “I can play that song to. Fireball.” More flames erupted, engulfing more of the blue men.

“Well necromancer, if it is a display of power you wish, you need look no further. Cloudkill.” Orange billowing mists gathered around the xzarts. Many dropped over dead. Other held on a few moments gasping desperately for breath.

“My, I am impressed. But I will stick with the bascis if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all.”


I get the impression that this Dynaheir could get along remarkably well with Xzar. They both seem to have a penchant for blowing up stuff :D




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