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Destiny’s Foster Child :16


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#1 Guest_IronDragon_*

Posted 20 January 2008 - 12:12 PM

Dear Diary
OR
Mightier Than the Sword




From the Diary of Ajantis

Dear Diary

I must say finding Neira’s beauty shop certainly was a gift form the God’s themselves. Her little storefront is a beacon of culture and civilization in this muddy backwater town. We all received special treatment from her and I have to say the change is dramatic. She styled my hair in something called a “mullet” she said it is perfect for paladins and I do like the look of it. I dare say that once the squires at the Radiant Heart see this they will be all over me about my hair.

The boost to our collective self confidence surely made today’s meeting with the governor of the territory go so much smoother. Well at least until the very end anyway. After our initial shock at being introduced to the Most High and Magnificent Poobah Berrun (I’m to sexy for my shirt) Ghastkill things went smashingly. I had thought that when people were saying Berrun (I’m to sexy for my shirt) Ghastkill that they were just using some figure of speech or perhaps being ironic. The last thing I expected was to be introduced to the governor of an Amnish colony and find him to actually be shirtless…and oiled up. I will say this for the Amnish, their leaders certainly know how to strike a pose.

Ghastkill seems to think that there are demons loose in the mine. Well demons would certainly be a problem in a mine, or anywhere else for that matter. No doubt the origin of the trouble is I am sure it is evil. Note to self. Practice announcing things are ‘evil’ people love it when Paladins do that.

I do feel bad about the fact that the Most High and Magnificent Poobah Berrun (I’m to sexy for my shirt) Ghastkill got his nose broken and all those teeth knocked out. However, when one invites Jaheira home to look at “pillow books” that is the best response one could expect.



From the Diary of Kagan

I must learn the name of Neira’s supplier. The beard de-tangler she used on me has left my beard not only free from snarls but with incredible sheen and bounce as well. It is so amazingly soft I cannot stop stroking it. Reminds me of mother’s beard.

Otherwise today was a crappy day, but then aren’t they all? We met with the local politician. I just assumed that if someone is going to claim they are too sexy for their shirt they really are too sexy for his shirt. Shows you how wrong I am. Berrun (I’m to sexy for my shirt) Ghastkill could make do with a few sit ups.

The man’s office was as tacky and as tasteless as he was. The walls were covered with nothing but portraits of himself In various stages of undress. This included the larger than life oil painting of Gahstkill in the nude he had hung behind his desk. Considering he obviously commissioned the artwork himself, he could have paid a few extra gold for the artists to exaggerate a few things. Maybe he has no clue. Maybe he is part Gnome.

Ghastkill spoke of demons in the mine and that being the root of all the trouble. I have to wonder if he was he being delusional. He seems delusional enough about his ability to go shirtless. Note to self: If we get out of this alive, send him some spray on bronzer.

The meeting ended well enough. But any meeting that ends with someone clutching his bloodied face and crying like a little girl is a good meeting.




From the Diary of Xzar

I just love my new highlights!

It’s obvious that the Most High and Magnificent Poobah Berrun (I’m to sexy for my shirt) Ghastkill is NOT a client of Neira. His home perm and the obvious dye job were just sub par, Neira would never let anyone leave her establishment with gray roots showing. I did leave him her card and hopefully, he will take the hint. I wish I knew of a good interior decorator, the man’s office could use some help. The walls were covered with portraits of undead creatures. All pale and slimy and mildly deformed. Hmmm I wonder why he painted all these zombies, ghasts and ghouls with his face.

As unfashionable as he was, he did say we did have his permission to go to the mines and investigate the problems there And he offered us a nice cash reward for doing so. Well technically, he offered us our choice of cash or a lap dance. We unanimously agreed on the cash. And he was such a good sport about the whole smashed face thing. A regrettable turn of events, I am not ashamed to say I dove for cover when he invited Jaheira back to his home to rub oil on his “manly pecs.”

Goodness, there was blood everywhere after that.




From the Diary of Kivan
The taste of field mouse still lingers but it pales in comparison to the memory of Montaron. I will shall find you again. Yes I shall…






From the Diary of Montaron
Dear Diary…

The pedicure at Neira’s beauty shop was to die for….

Wait a minute. I don’t keep a diary. I’ve never kept a diary. I’m not some founcy dwarf or some 12 year old girl.

Ach!.. It’s pink. I have a pink diary!?! And it has kittens on the cover!

Where did this come from? Why are their weeks of entries in it….in my handwriting?

Why am I still writing in the bloody thing?






From the Diary of Khalid
Berrun (I’m to sexy for my shirt) Ghastkill is as depraved and disgusting example of humanity as I have ever met. The way he gyrated around his office and in front of my wife. Disgusting.

I vaguely remember the man talking about demons in the mine. Truth be told I stopped paying attention to him when he got up on his desk and started doing pelvic thrusts.

Then he dared to propositioned my beloved wife…in front of me. oh the shame of it all.

My response was simply disgraceful. What can I say? I am a coward at heart. I know Jaheira is not pleased with my actions. Oh dear, what a horrible, horrible day. Even the perm I got from Neira does nothing to improve my mood.





From the Diary of Jaheira
A truly horrible, horrible day. The lovely manicure aside…

Ghastkill is a depraved lecher. And in saying that I am insulting thousands of depraved lechers all over the world. I should have suspected things would not go well when his secretary refused to show us into his office without first donning full armor and picking up a rather nasty looking morning star.

The fact that Ghaskill is a narcissist is obvious for all to see. I would not be surprised to find he worships only himself. The real shock was his sexual overtones towards me. At first I thought he was insulting me, having some private fun at my expense. I have no illusions about my attractiveness. But then, he crudely suggested that the two of us celebrate our agreement to investigate the rumors of demons in the mine by engaging in a sexual tryst. The crude and disgusting suggestion left me momentarily speechless.

But then it turns out I had to say nothing at all.

Brave Khalid’s fist materialized in the middle of Ghastkill’s face with a loud thump and suddenly Ghastkill was halfway across the room clutching his broken nose. Then my brave and magnificent warrior told the man if he ever hears of him mistreating another woman he will be back and next time he will use his sword. Within moments he had Ghastkill begging my forgiveness.

Khalid is so getting lucky tonight.

#2 Guest_Theodur_*

Posted 21 January 2008 - 07:39 AM

I must say finding Neira’s beauty shop certainly was a gift form the God’s themselves. Her little storefront is a beacon of culture and civilization in this muddy backwater town. We all received special treatment from her and I have to say the change is dramatic. She styled my hair in something called a “mullet” she said it is perfect for paladins and I do like the look of it. I dare say that once the squires at the Radiant Heart see this they will be all over me about my hair.


Have you seen the fan-made Anomen portrait where he is sporting a mullet? Hilarious… maybe he was inspired to that by Ajantis. :)

Ghastkill seems to think that there are demons loose in the mine. Well demons would certainly be a problem in a mine, or anywhere else for that matter. No doubt the origin of the trouble is I am sure it is evil. Note to self. Practice announcing things are ‘evil’ people love it when Paladins do that.


And don’t forget to use Detect Evil on every person or object that you come across.

I do feel bad about the fact that the Most High and Magnificent Poobah Berrun (I’m to sexy for my shirt) Ghastkill got his nose broken and all those teeth knocked out. However, when one invites Jaheira home to look at “pillow books” that is the best response one could expect.


Unless you are already involved with her… though even then it would be dangerous if you plan on using expression “pillow books”.

I must learn the name of Neira’s supplier. The beard de-tangler she used on me has left my beard not only free from snarls but with incredible sheen and bounce as well. It is so amazingly soft I cannot stop stroking it. Reminds me of mother’s beard.


Aww… she was a good old 2nd edition dwarf…

It’s obvious that the Most High and Magnificent Poobah Berrun (I’m to sexy for my shirt) Ghastkill is NOT a client of Neira. His home perm and the obvious dye job were just sub par, Neira would never let anyone leave her establishment with gray roots showing. I did leave him her card and hopefully, he will take the hint. I wish I knew of a good interior decorator, the man’s office could use some help. The walls were covered with portraits of undead creatures. All pale and slimy and mildly deformed. Hmmm I wonder why he painted all these zombies, ghasts and ghouls with his face.


He really needs to have a good talk with that artist… hmm, maybe it was Prism? :twisted:

From the Diary of Kivan
The taste of field mouse still lingers but it pales in comparison to the memory of Montaron. I will shall find you again. Yes I shall…


Montaron should invest in some kind of repellant.

Wait a minute. I don’t keep a diary. I’ve never kept a diary. I’m not some founcy dwarf or some 12 year old girl.


Precisely what I was wondering…

I vaguely remember the man talking about demons in the mine. Truth be told I stopped paying attention to him when he got up on his desk and started doing pelvic thrusts.


*grin* Wasn’t that one option from the FlirtPack mod for BG2… parts of that seemed like they could have been tailored specifically for someone like Ghastkill.

The fact that Ghaskill is a narcissist is obvious for all to see. I would not be surprised to find he worships only himself. The real shock was his sexual overtones towards me. At first I thought he was insulting me, having some private fun at my expense. I have no illusions about my attractiveness. But then, he crudely suggested that the two of us celebrate our agreement to investigate the rumors of demons in the mine by engaging in a sexual tryst. The crude and disgusting suggestion left me momentarily speechless.


Jaheira, speechless? I don’t buy that. :(

Brave Khalid’s fist materialized in the middle of Ghastkill’s face with a loud thump and suddenly Ghastkill was halfway across the room clutching his broken nose. Then my brave and magnificent warrior told the man if he ever hears of him mistreating another woman he will be back and next time he will use his sword. Within moments he had Ghastkill begging my forgiveness.


Khalid is so getting lucky tonight.


Well, that ought to improve his mood a lot. *looks envious* :(

#3 Guest_Phoenix_*

Posted 21 January 2008 - 09:05 PM

Dear Diary
OR
Mightier Than the Sword

Ah, I like diary entries.

Note to self. Practice announcing things are ‘evil’ people love it when Paladins do that.

Duh, it's in the job description!

It is so amazingly soft I cannot stop stroking it. Reminds me of mother’s beard.

:(

The meeting ended well enough. But any meeting that ends with someone clutching his bloodied face and crying like a little girl is a good meeting.

Yes, this proves it. Kagain is nothing more than a slightly more boring version of Korgan.

I just love my new highlights!

:)

From the Diary of Kivan
The taste of field mouse still lingers but it pales in comparison to the memory of Montaron. I will shall find you again. Yes I shall…

Yes preciousssss...


Where did this come from? Why are their weeks of entries in it….in my handwriting?

Why am I still writing in the bloody thing?

Don't let Kivan find it! :twisted:

Brave Khalid’s fist materialized in the middle of Ghastkill’s face with a loud thump and suddenly Ghastkill was halfway across the room clutching his broken nose. Then my brave and magnificent warrior told the man if he ever hears of him mistreating another woman he will be back and next time he will use his sword. Within moments he had Ghastkill begging my forgiveness.

Khalid is so getting lucky tonight.

Oooh, go Khalid! A shame of his own misgivings of course, but that's just him. *cheers at Khalid*

#4 Guest_Cel_*

Posted 22 January 2008 - 08:30 AM

I must say finding Neira’s beauty shop certainly was a gift form the God’s themselves. Her little storefront is a beacon of culture and civilization in this muddy backwater town. We all received special treatment from her and I have to say the change is dramatic. She styled my hair in something called a “mullet” she said it is perfect for paladins and I do like the look of it. I dare say that once the squires at the Radiant Heart see this they will be all over me about my hair.


You would give him a mullet! :twisted:

From the Diary of Kagan

I must learn the name of Neira’s supplier. The beard de-tangler she used on me has left my beard not only free from snarls but with incredible sheen and bounce as well. It is so amazingly soft I cannot stop stroking it. Reminds me of mother’s beard.


Awww...

Otherwise today was a crappy day, but then aren’t they all? We met with the local politician. I just assumed that if someone is going to claim they are too sexy for their shirt they really are too sexy for his shirt. Shows you how wrong I am. Berrun (I’m to sexy for my shirt) Ghastkill could make do with a few sit ups.


Not so sexy, in other words.

The man’s office was as tacky and as tasteless as he was. The walls were covered with nothing but portraits of himself In various stages of undress. This included the larger than life oil painting of Gahstkill in the nude he had hung behind his desk. Considering he obviously commissioned the artwork himself, he could have paid a few extra gold for the artists to exaggerate a few things. Maybe he has no clue. Maybe he is part Gnome.


Aaaaaaaaaaahhh!

It’s obvious that the Most High and Magnificent Poobah Berrun (I’m to sexy for my shirt) Ghastkill is NOT a client of Neira. His home perm and the obvious dye job were just sub par, Neira would never let anyone leave her establishment with gray roots showing. I did leave him her card and hopefully, he will take the hint. I wish I knew of a good interior decorator, the man’s office could use some help. The walls were covered with portraits of undead creatures. All pale and slimy and mildly deformed. Hmmm I wonder why he painted all these zombies, ghasts and ghouls with his face.


Hmmm....

:D

From the Diary of Kivan
The taste of field mouse still lingers but it pales in comparison to the memory of Montaron. I will shall find you again. Yes I shall…



:)


From the Diary of Montaron
Dear Diary…

The pedicure at Neira’s beauty shop was to die for….

Wait a minute. I don’t keep a diary. I’ve never kept a diary. I’m not some founcy dwarf or some 12 year old girl.

Ach!.. It’s pink. I have a pink diary!?! And it has kittens on the cover!

Where did this come from? Why are their weeks of entries in it….in my handwriting?

Why am I still writing in the bloody thing?


:( :( :lol:

My response was simply disgraceful. What can I say? I am a coward at heart. I know Jaheira is not pleased with my actions. Oh dear, what a horrible, horrible day. Even the perm I got from Neira does nothing to improve my mood.


I'm having problems imagining Khalid with a perm, mind you :D

But then it turns out I had to say nothing at all.

Brave Khalid’s fist materialized in the middle of Ghastkill’s face with a loud thump and suddenly Ghastkill was halfway across the room clutching his broken nose. Then my brave and magnificent warrior told the man if he ever hears of him mistreating another woman he will be back and next time he will use his sword. Within moments he had Ghastkill begging my forgiveness.

Khalid is so getting lucky tonight.


And that, after all the allusions making us think Jaheira was the one who knocked him out, made this whole chapter priceless!

#5 Guest_IronDragon_*

Posted 22 January 2008 - 11:17 PM

I must say finding Neira’s beauty shop certainly was a gift form the God’s themselves. Her little storefront is a beacon of culture and civilization in this muddy backwater town. We all received special treatment from her and I have to say the change is dramatic. She styled my hair in something called a “mullet” she said it is perfect for paladins and I do like the look of it. I dare say that once the squires at the Radiant Heart see this they will be all over me about my hair.


Have you seen the fan-made Anomen portrait where he is sporting a mullet? Hilarious… maybe he was inspired to that by Ajantis. :shock:

How sad that such a functinal hari style is now the but of jokes

Ghastkill seems to think that there are demons loose in the mine. Well demons would certainly be a problem in a mine, or anywhere else for that matter. No doubt the origin of the trouble is I am sure it is evil. Note to self. Practice announcing things are ‘evil’ people love it when Paladins do that.


And don’t forget to use Detect Evil on every person or object that you come across.

Well…no detect evil around this party…for obvious reasons

I do feel bad about the fact that the Most High and Magnificent Poobah Berrun (I’m to sexy for my shirt) Ghastkill got his nose broken and all those teeth knocked out. However, when one invites Jaheira home to look at “pillow books” that is the best response one could expect.


Unless you are already involved with her… though even then it would be dangerous if you plan on using expression “pillow books”.

Sort of like courting a female praying mantis

I must learn the name of Neira’s supplier. The beard de-tangler she used on me has left my beard not only free from snarls but with incredible sheen and bounce as well. It is so amazingly soft I cannot stop stroking it. Reminds me of mother’s beard.


Aww… she was a good old 2nd edition dwarf…

I can never remember when female dwarves were doing what


It’s obvious that the Most High and Magnificent Poobah Berrun (I’m to sexy for my shirt) Ghastkill is NOT a client of Neira. His home perm and the obvious dye job were just sub par, Neira would never let anyone leave her establishment with gray roots showing. I did leave him her card and hopefully, he will take the hint. I wish I knew of a good interior decorator, the man’s office could use some help. The walls were covered with portraits of undead creatures. All pale and slimy and mildly deformed. Hmmm I wonder why he painted all these zombies, ghasts and ghouls with his face.


He really needs to have a good talk with that artist… hmm, maybe it was Prism? :D

Hey…I’ll make the jokes around here

From the Diary of Kivan
The taste of field mouse still lingers but it pales in comparison to the memory of Montaron. I will shall find you again. Yes I shall…


Montaron should invest in some kind of repellant.

Ranger-Be-Gone?

Wait a minute. I don’t keep a diary. I’ve never kept a diary. I’m not some founcy dwarf or some 12 year old girl.


Precisely what I was wondering…

The diary will be back…if for no other reason than I am entirely evil

I vaguely remember the man talking about demons in the mine. Truth be told I stopped paying attention to him when he got up on his desk and started doing pelvic thrusts.


*grin* Wasn’t that one option from the FlirtPack mod for BG2… parts of that seemed like they could have been tailored specifically for someone like Ghastkill.

Actually it was some of the romances there that inspired me…i think this was from the Kelsey NPC

The fact that Ghaskill is a narcissist is obvious for all to see. I would not be surprised to find he worships only himself. The real shock was his sexual overtones towards me. At first I thought he was insulting me, having some private fun at my expense. I have no illusions about my attractiveness. But then, he crudely suggested that the two of us celebrate our agreement to investigate the rumors of demons in the mine by engaging in a sexual tryst. The crude and disgusting suggestion left me momentarily speechless.


Jaheira, speechless? I don’t buy that. :cry:

hey it happens

Brave Khalid’s fist materialized in the middle of Ghastkill’s face with a loud thump and suddenly Ghastkill was halfway across the room clutching his broken nose. Then my brave and magnificent warrior told the man if he ever hears of him mistreating another woman he will be back and next time he will use his sword. Within moments he had Ghastkill begging my forgiveness.


Khalid is so getting lucky tonight.


Well, that ought to improve his mood a lot. *looks envious* :cry:

am sure he will be very happy tommmorow

#6 Guest_IronDragon_*

Posted 23 January 2008 - 05:25 PM

Dear Diary
OR
Mightier Than the Sword

Ah, I like diary entries.

Thanks…but If I am using it as a writing device it says I got stuck or had nasty case of writers block and needed a way to get the story moving agian...just an FYI

Note to self. Practice announcing things are ‘evil’ people love it when Paladins do that.

Duh, it's in the job description!

i went and checked...and it is




The meeting ended well enough. But any meeting that ends with someone clutching his bloodied face and crying like a little girl is a good meeting.

Yes, this proves it. Kagain is nothing more than a slightly more boring version of Korgan.

I suspect they remade Kagain because of his lackluster stats. You notice how the evil characters in BGII have better stats than their good counterparts…worse and less interesting personalities…but better stats



From the Diary of Kivan
The taste of field mouse still lingers but it pales in comparison to the memory of Montaron. I will shall find you again. Yes I shall…

Yes preciousssss...

hmmm...*scribbles notes*


Where did this come from? Why are their weeks of entries in it….in my handwriting?

Why am I still writing in the bloody thing?

Don't let Kivan find it! :D

Hey!...I'll write the contrived plot devices around here thank you





Brave Khalid’s fist materialized in the middle of Ghastkill’s face with a loud thump and suddenly Ghastkill was halfway across the room clutching his broken nose. Then my brave and magnificent warrior told the man if he ever hears of him mistreating another woman he will be back and next time he will use his sword. Within moments he had Ghastkill begging my forgiveness.

Khalid is so getting lucky tonight.

Oooh, go Khalid! A shame of his own misgivings of course, but that's just him. *cheers at Khalid*

Like most people. I really like Khalid

#7 Guest_IronDragon_*

Posted 23 January 2008 - 05:54 PM

I must say finding Neira’s beauty shop certainly was a gift form the God’s themselves. Her little storefront is a beacon of culture and civilization in this muddy backwater town. We all received special treatment from her and I have to say the change is dramatic. She styled my hair in something called a “mullet” she said it is perfect for paladins and I do like the look of it. I dare say that once the squires at the Radiant Heart see this they will be all over me about my hair.


You would give him a mullet! :D

Hey…I wore a mullet for years. even before Billy Ray made it so trendy.


From the Diary of Kagan

I must learn the name of Neira’s supplier. The beard de-tangler she used on me has left my beard not only free from snarls but with incredible sheen and bounce as well. It is so amazingly soft I cannot stop stroking it. Reminds me of mother’s beard.


Awww...

*sniff*....mother



Otherwise today was a crappy day, but then aren’t they all? We met with the local politician. I just assumed that if someone is going to claim they are too sexy for their shirt they really are too sexy for his shirt. Shows you how wrong I am. Berrun (I’m to sexy for my shirt) Ghastkill could make do with a few sit ups.


Not so sexy, in other words.

in his own mind maybe


The man’s office was as tacky and as tasteless as he was. The walls were covered with nothing but portraits of himself In various stages of undress. This included the larger than life oil painting of Gahstkill in the nude he had hung behind his desk. Considering he obviously commissioned the artwork himself, he could have paid a few extra gold for the artists to exaggerate a few things. Maybe he has no clue. Maybe he is part Gnome.


Aaaaaaaaaaahhh!

yeah...i know


It’s obvious that the Most High and Magnificent Poobah Berrun (I’m to sexy for my shirt) Ghastkill is NOT a client of Neira. His home perm and the obvious dye job were just sub par, Neira would never let anyone leave her establishment with gray roots showing. I did leave him her card and hopefully, he will take the hint. I wish I knew of a good interior decorator, the man’s office could use some help. The walls were covered with portraits of undead creatures. All pale and slimy and mildly deformed. Hmmm I wonder why he painted all these zombies, ghasts and ghouls with his face.


Hmmm....

:cry:

From the Diary of Kivan
The taste of field mouse still lingers but it pales in comparison to the memory of Montaron. I will shall find you again. Yes I shall…



:shock:


From the Diary of Montaron
Dear Diary…

The pedicure at Neira’s beauty shop was to die for….

Wait a minute. I don’t keep a diary. I’ve never kept a diary. I’m not some founcy dwarf or some 12 year old girl.

Ach!.. It’s pink. I have a pink diary!?! And it has kittens on the cover!

Where did this come from? Why are their weeks of entries in it….in my handwriting?

Why am I still writing in the bloody thing?


:cry: :cry: :cry:

you are always in such a good mood Cel



My response was simply disgraceful. What can I say? I am a coward at heart. I know Jaheira is not pleased with my actions. Oh dear, what a horrible, horrible day. Even the perm I got from Neira does nothing to improve my mood.


I'm having problems imagining Khalid with a perm, mind you :cry:

just go with it.


But then it turns out I had to say nothing at all.

Brave Khalid’s fist materialized in the middle of Ghastkill’s face with a loud thump and suddenly Ghastkill was halfway across the room clutching his broken nose. Then my brave and magnificent warrior told the man if he ever hears of him mistreating another woman he will be back and next time he will use his sword. Within moments he had Ghastkill begging my forgiveness.

Khalid is so getting lucky tonight.


And that, after all the allusions making us think Jaheira was the one who knocked him out, made this whole chapter priceless!

that was my job




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