Destiny’s Foster Child :14

Off to Play
Or
I’m Sure You Saw This One Coming A Mile Away

Ten year old Grislinka Piffledown carefully wrapped the three sandwiches she had just made in waxed rubbed paper. She added them to the three dark red apples and a shaving of honeycomb to the small lunch basked she was preparing. Her school friends would be here soon and they would have a day to remember. They would catch pollywogs in the stream, play tag in the orchard and stay out far too late to watch the stars and the fireflies come out. It would be a wonderful day.

Basket in hand, she skipped out the door of her family’s simple farm home. She spotted her father nearby tapping out his pipe. She paused to wave at him. “Father, I’m off to play.”

“Have a fine time now,” he said absently.

“You sound like Great Auntie Mable father,” she scolded him as she jumped off the porch.

Her mother appeared in the doorway wiping her hands on her long white apron. “Ach,” she called after the girl. “Did you remember to wash your face?

“I did now!” Grislinka grinned at her own joke and skipped off towards the hill to watch for her friends.

“Oh that child.” Grislinka’s mother shook her head woefully and turned to her grinning husband. “I swear that girl has too much of you in her.”

“You say that until she does something good then she’s all yours again.”

“That’s because all her good traits come from my side of the family.”

“So you keep claiming,” He said as he dug in a pocket for his tobacco pouch.

“Ach, moving here was a good thing. She is happy here. Doing good in school. I can’t wait to meet her little school friends.

“Wait woman. I saw something moving behind the barn.”

“It might be Grislinka’s little friends.”

“Well until I get those rotted floorboards replaced the barn is no place for the to be playing.”

Putting his pipe away farmer Piffledown went to the barn and peered into it’s shadowy recesses. “Hello girls? Ahh it is you.” He said spotting two small figures. “Grislinka went to the hill to watch for you.” He took a step into the barn and he was greeted by a sinister hiss and the small forms resolved themselves into yellow eyed reptiles. “… What?!!! Kabolds!!!” Farmer Piffledown grabbed his pitchfork and dove after one of the invading monsters. He knocked the hissing creature down and with one quick jab rammed the tines of the fork into its chest. “Take that you fiend!” He yelled.

The other kobold scampered towards the great door of the barn. Farmer Piffledown thought of his wife and daughter in the yard beyond and how they would be helpless against such a menace. He threw his pitchfork like a spear. The humble farm tool flew true and impaled the fleeing monster against the barn door.

At that moment, his loving wife ran into the barn. “What is going on dear husband? Oh my!” She shouted when she saw the two dead kobolds.

“Father, I heard shouting. Ahhhh!” Little Grislinka dropped her luncheon basket as she too entered the barn and saw the carnage.

“Now dear, don’t fret none, it just a pair of filthy kobolds.” Her father said reassuringly. “They can’t hurt you now.”

Grislinka looked at the kobold impaled on the pitchfork. “Ashley!” she screamed. She looked to the body of the kobold on the floor. “Mary Kate! AHHHH!”

“Mary Kate? Ashley?”

Mrs. Piffledown regained her voice. She was wringing the hem of her apron fiercely. “Oh dear, not again…not again. This is just like those poor boys from Trademeet.”

Farmer Piffledown looked sternly at his wife. "Now you know I thought those boys were goblins…they had very big ears…but these are kobolds, no mistake about that.”

“Daddy how could you?” Grislinka said through her tears. “Why? Why do you have to kill all my fiends daddy?”

“Friends? These are disgusting twisted kobolds!”

“They were my friends from school! I hate you father. I hate you I hate you!” Grislinka ran from the barn.

“School?”

Mrs. Piffledown nodded dabbing at the corners of her eyes. “The Nashkel public schools integrated this year. Court order. The kobolds are bussed in. Ach! We are going to have to move again. It’s just like our family reunion in Calimport.”

“I said I was sorry about that one.” Farmer Piffledown muttered.

Very cute. I enjoyed it. Keep writing!

I’m Sure You Saw This One Coming A Mile Away

Oh yes, it was a very blatant setup - but somehow it was still hilarious.

Mind you, I'm still about the poor kobold kids...

I am laughing so much I almost spilled my coffee!

Very cute. I enjoyed it. Keep writing!

Yes Ma’am!

*gives a snappy salute*

I’m Sure You Saw This One Coming A Mile Away

Oh yes, it was a very blatant setup - but somehow it was still hilarious.

Mind you, I'm still about the poor kobold kids...

Sometimes its the obvious jokes that work the best

I am laughing so much I almost spilled my coffee!

Darn …I keep hoping someone will snort some form of liquid out of his/her nose

That was great! (I especially loved the kobold girls' names)

That was great! (I especially loved the kobold girls' names)

I like the idea of non-humans having very human names.

I was tempted to call the ‘girls’ Paris and Brittany…but I figured I would enjoy their deaths far too much that way

Ten year old Grislinka Piffledown carefully wrapped the three sandwiches she had just made in waxed rubbed paper. She added them to the three dark red apples and a shaving of honeycomb to the small lunch basked she was preparing. Her school friends would be here soon and they would have a day to remember. They would catch pollywogs in the stream, play tag in the orchard and stay out far too late to watch the stars and the fireflies come out. It would be a wonderful day.

Very pittoresque. Um. Pollywogs?

Grislinka looked at the kobold impaled on the pitchfork. “Ashley!” she screamed. She looked to the body of the kobold on the floor. “Mary Kate! AHHHH!”

“Mary Kate? Ashley?”

“School?”

Mrs. Piffledown nodded dabbing at the corners of her eyes. “The Nashkel public schools integrated this year. Court order. The kobolds are bussed in.

right. Must have something to do with the import of cheap labor for the local mining industry...

Well this was fun. And I enjoyed seeing the kobold girls die as it is, but that's just my inner evil.

Ten year old Grislinka Piffledown carefully wrapped the three sandwiches she had just made in waxed rubbed paper. She added them to the three dark red apples and a shaving of honeycomb to the small lunch basked she was preparing. Her school friends would be here soon and they would have a day to remember. They would catch pollywogs in the stream, play tag in the orchard and stay out far too late to watch the stars and the fireflies come out. It would be a wonderful day.

Very pittoresque. Um. Pollywogs?

you catch what you like in remote ponds…I’ll stay with pollywogs thank you

Grislinka looked at the kobold impaled on the pitchfork. “Ashley!” she screamed. She looked to the body of the kobold on the floor. “Mary Kate! AHHHH!”

“Mary Kate? Ashley?”

“School?”

Mrs. Piffledown nodded dabbing at the corners of her eyes. “The Nashkel public schools integrated this year. Court order. The kobolds are bussed in.

right. Must have something to do with the import of cheap labor for the local mining industry...

darn activist judges

Well this was fun. And I enjoyed seeing the kobold girls die as it is, but that's just my inner evil.

I think we should all embrace out inner evil. Maybe give it a wedgie