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Destiny’s Foster Child : 13


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#1 Guest_IronDragon_*

Posted 19 December 2007 - 12:17 PM

Notemeal: Ok I lied. This isn’t the farming episode. That is next so be patient. As for this chapter. I recently watched all three part to Lord of the Rings (the director’s cuts) in a single sitting. Yes I am insane thank you. Anyway it seems to have had an effect on me

 



Short is the New Tall
or
That’s Amore?

“And that’s how I learned that there are less painful ways to blow out a candle.”

“Fascinating Xzar.” Jaheira said though she sounded less than fascinated.

A slender elf stride down the middle of the Tradeway, he was dressed in browns and greens and carried a sturdy looking bow. "Hail. It is not often that I come across strangers in this part of the world."

The party turned to regard the man. Curious glances were exchanged. Finally Xzar spoke up. “But you are in the middle of one of the main trading roads in this part of the world. Thousands of people use this roadway for trade and travel every day. Most everyone you meet would be a stranger, you can’t possibly know all of them.”

The elf sighed. “Look, I am just trying to say hello in an unique and memorable way…we don’t need to make a whole thing out of it.”

Xzar rolled his eyes back. “Fine…and hello to you too.”

“I am Kivan, guide, ranger, and unenthusiastic seeker of revenge. As for being here, I was standing for some time out by the mysterious stone tower west of Bereghost. Just, standing there, all alone, waiting for some nice adventuring party to happen by. Standing there for days mind you.”

“That h…hardly seems p…productive.”

“It isn’t,” Ajantis said unsoldering the massive back he had been carrying. “Believe me I know. Oh sure you learn a great many colorful phrases just standing around at random for weeks at a time. But it’s rare that you get a chance to do some old fashioned evil smiting.”

Kagain snorted. “Very true. And our standing here waiting for Montaron to finish up his business hasn’t been that productive either.”

“Yes.” The elf said coldly. “As I was saying, I was there for some time, however no one came, and there was an annoying amount of skeletons around there as well. So I headed south figuring that the iron crises and the problem with the mines would be attracting adventuring groups like honey attracts llamas.”

Xzar nudged Jaheira at that to ensure she was paying attention. She ignored his prodding and said, “We never had a reason to go to that mysteries stone tower west of Bereghost. Nothing about it said ‘side quest’ all as far as we could tell.”

“The tower does say quest, it’s printed on a big banner…but that banner is on the far side of the tower, out of sight of the town. The wizard who lives there said he moved it because it attracted far too many annoying adventurers looking for side quests.”

At that moment Montaron emerged form the bushes by the side of the road. “You would think there would be some nice tender leaves around these parts,” He complained. “But no…all there is are the kind with serrated edges. Jaheira, remind me again what poison ivy looks like.”

The elf stared open mouthed at Montaron. Montaron stared back for some time before he asked his companions, “What’s with the slack jawed sign post there?”

The elf tugged at the collar of his tunic. “Oh… I see you have a halfling in your ranks.”

Montaron went pale. He looked Kivan up and down taking in the elf’s rapid breathing, the flushed face the dilated pupils, the slit bit of saliva forming at the very edge of the his mouth. He took a cautious side step, ducking behind Xzar. “Oh gods, not one of them.”

“One of those what’s?” Xzar asked.

“PHF!” Montaron whispered.

‘Oh!” Xzar said with surprise.

“Are you sure?” Kagain said squinting up at the elf. “They all look alike to me.”

“What in the realms is a PHF?” Jaheira asked.

“Pervy halfling fancier,” Kagain said.

“Oh, that is such a crude moniker.” The elf said obviously regaining his wits. “Some of us just appreciate the better qualities of the …wee folk.”

“I have never heard of such a thing,” Jaheira said.

“Well that just shows to go you. Love is blind. Or at least it should be,” Xzar said nodding sagely.

She stared at Xzar with a puzzled look. “What in the world is that supposed to mean?”

“Well Jaheira, sometimes catchphrases are employed to make a point and occasionally they are mangled to provide a small comedic counterpoint to what is an entirely too serious discussion.”

“We’re having a serious discussion?” Ajantis asked.

Xzar ignored the paladin. “In this case I was referring to interspecies romance. Sometimes love just happens and there is nothing one can do about it accept it and sigh about the beauty of it all.”

“Like that kid and his Kabold girlfriend?” Kagain asked

“Oh no,” Xzar said. “That was just sick.”

Jaheira frowned. “Romance between the higher races of the realms is not uncommon, I am the product of such a romance. Nevertheless, there are …physical limits. I mean a human and a half-ling…”

“I’m sure it’s nothing a little alcohol couldn’t gloss over.”

Kivan was only paying attention to Montaron however and stepped up beside him. “You know I would follow you anywhere. I would even follow you all the way to the end my noble friend.”

Montaron drew his sword. He pointed it at the ranger hoping his hand wasn’t shaking too badly. “Stay back ye blighter. I’ll fight you….I will”

"Your courage shames the others." Kivan said as he licked his lips.

“M…makes you wonder how common such l…love affairs are,” Khalid said.

I would think quite rare, despite the bard tales the exotic maybe erotic to some but the racial differences are often to great to overcome,” Jaheira said.

Kagain shook his head. “I would think the opposite.”

“Really?”

“Yes, given the impetuousness of youth and the vast amount of raging hormones young people of all races experience. I imagine there is quite a bit of experimentation going on. Of course it is in the end just experimentation. Most youngsters realize they want a family and a place in their society and find a suitable mate of their own kind. that and I am a romantic at heart.”

“Keep away form me!” Montaron was backing away from the elfin ranger.

“Please! I just want to hold it.” Kivan implored.

Ajantis pondered Kagain’s words. “But what of those relationships where true love does blossom. Some do risk it all for love and choose to stay with their mates facing all sorts of rejection form families and society.”

“But you will admit some pairings are more common than others.”

“Ahhh…no, a thousand times no.” Montaron was screaming hysterically as he ran around the group.

“I know it must be such a burden to you,” Kivan called after him.

“Elf and human romances seem common. Humans seem to respond to the etherealness of the elves and elves seem to enjoy to boundless energy humans have. But one rarely hears of a romance between humans and dwarves,”

“True.”

“Which is interesting given that the two races are so similar.” Jaheira added.

“No need to be insulting,” Kagian replied.

She held up her hands in a placating way. “Not at all. Aside form some minor physical differences the dwarven and human races share many good qualities.”

Ajantis looked thoughtful. “I wonder if it is only among the few common kin that such relationships are possible? Do radically different sentient species have romances? Do dragons and beholders for example share secret trysts?”

Xzar scratched his chin. “Now that is an interesting idea. Though considering the extremes of such races I would have to believe that no one trying to study the question would survive to complete his study. Still it would make a nice research project for less complicated times. Don’t you agree Monty? Monty?”

There was vigorous rustling form bushes near the road. “Is he back there again?” Kagain asked not bothering to hide his disgust.

Ajantis looked around. “And where did the elf ranger go?”

Jaheira huffed with indignation. “These delays are insufferable. Montaron! If you do not hurry up we will leave with out you.”

#2 Guest_IriaZenn_*

Posted 19 December 2007 - 06:12 PM

Very cute. Of course I don't think you're insane as me and my mom watched all three lord of the rings then another movie in one sitting. ;)

#3 Guest_Theodur_*

Posted 20 December 2007 - 08:57 AM

Notemeal: Ok I lied. This isn’t the farming episode. That is next so be patient. As for this chapter. I recently watched all three part to Lord of the Rings (the director’s cuts) in a single sitting


Strange, this almost seems a Christmas holiday tradition to some people.

The party turned to regard the man. Curious glances were exchanged. Finally Xzar spoke up. “But you are in the middle of one of the main trading roads in this part of the world. Thousands of people use this roadway for trade and travel every day. Most everyone you meet would be a stranger, you can’t possibly know all of them.”




…my first thought was actually the very same as Xzar’s. ;)

“It isn’t,” Ajantis said unsoldering the massive back he had been carrying. “Believe me I know. Oh sure you learn a great many colorful phrases just standing around at random for weeks at a time. But it’s rare that you get a chance to do some old fashioned evil smiting.”


At least Khalid and Jaheira had the sense to wait inside a nice and cozy inn…

Xzar nudged Jaheira at that to ensure she was paying attention. She ignored his prodding and said, “We never had a reason to go to that mysteries stone tower west of Bereghost. Nothing about it said ‘side quest’ all as far as we could tell.”


That’s because you never found the quest giver for the tower… I think it was the chickened fellow in the mountains. :D

At that moment Montaron emerged form the bushes by the side of the road. “You would think there would be some nice tender leaves around these parts,” He complained. “But no…all there is are the kind with serrated edges. Jaheira, remind me again what poison ivy looks like.”


You will know once you have used it.

Montaron went pale. He looked Kivan up and down taking in the elf’s rapid breathing, the flushed face the dilated pupils, the slit bit of saliva forming at the very edge of the his mouth. He took a cautious side step, ducking behind Xzar. “Oh gods, not one of them.”


This is going the same way as with that noble and the kobold, isn’t it… :lol:

“Oh, that is such a crude moniker.” The elf said obviously regaining his wits. “Some of us just appreciate the better qualities of the …wee folk.”


Well, you just keep your appreciation to yourself then.

“Like that kid and his Kabold girlfriend?” Kagain asked


“Oh no,” Xzar said. “That was just sick.”


Seems about the same in terms of sickness…

Kivan was only paying attention to Montaron however and stepped up beside him. “You know I would follow you anywhere. I would even follow you all the way to the end my noble friend.”


How very Legolas. :)

“Ahhh…no, a thousand times no.” Montaron was screaming hysterically as he ran around the group.


I just love how everyone is so eager to help Montaron.

Ajantis looked thoughtful. “I wonder if it is only among the few common kin that such relationships are possible? Do radically different sentient species have romances? Do dragons and beholders for example share secret trysts?”


Now, only a paladin would think of something as perverted.

There was vigorous rustling form bushes near the road. “Is he back there again?” Kagain asked not bothering to hide his disgust.


Yes, now together with the elf. :D

Jaheira huffed with indignation. “These delays are insufferable. Montaron! If you do not hurry up we will leave with out you.”


I hope you will somehow manage to lose Kivan, though. :)

#4 Guest_Clight_*

Posted 20 December 2007 - 09:58 AM

Notemeal: Ok I lied. This isn’t the farming episode. That is next so be patient.

That's all right, this is probably better.

I recently watched all three part to Lord of the Rings (the director’s cuts) in a single sitting.

I've always wanted to do that. Perhaps this Christmas holiday. Insane doesn't have to be bad.

As for this chapter.

One of the better ones. Good timing. The absurdity works.

I believe Abdel Adrian was the first documented PHF. I admit I myself can't help thinking the females are kind of cute even though you hardly see them anywhere.

#5 Guest_Clight_*

Posted 20 December 2007 - 10:00 AM

Notemeal: Ok I lied. This isn’t the farming episode. That is next so be patient. As for this chapter. I recently watched all three part to Lord of the Rings (the director’s cuts) in a single sitting


Strange, this almost seems a Christmas holiday tradition to some people.

Hey, that sounds like a good idea. I've been looking for something new to add to the spirit of Christmas ever since I grew too far up to drool after the presents.

#6 Guest_IronDragon_*

Posted 20 December 2007 - 12:54 PM

Very cute. Of course I don't think you're insane as me and my mom watched all three lord of the rings then another movie in one sitting. ;)

Its just after hours you get rather numb and start thinking of horrific ways for Frodo to die

#7 Guest_IronDragon_*

Posted 20 December 2007 - 01:06 PM

Notemeal: Ok I lied. This isn’t the farming episode. That is next so be patient. As for this chapter. I recently watched all three part to Lord of the Rings (the director’s cuts) in a single sitting


Strange, this almost seems a Christmas holiday tradition to some people.

I’ll keep the eggnog thanks

The party turned to regard the man. Curious glances were exchanged. Finally Xzar spoke up. “But you are in the middle of one of the main trading roads in this part of the world. Thousands of people use this roadway for trade and travel every day. Most everyone you meet would be a stranger, you can’t possibly know all of them.”




…my first thought was actually the very same as Xzar’s. :D

Somehow…I’m not shocked at all

I don’t know if that says something about me or something about you


“It isn’t,” Ajantis said unsoldering the massive back he had been carrying. “Believe me I know. Oh sure you learn a great many colorful phrases just standing around at random for weeks at a time. But it’s rare that you get a chance to do some old fashioned evil smiting.”


At least Khalid and Jaheira had the sense to wait inside a nice and cozy inn…

An expensive inn.

So THAT’S what happened to their Harper expense account


Xzar nudged Jaheira at that to ensure she was paying attention. She ignored his prodding and said, “We never had a reason to go to that mysteries stone tower west of Bereghost. Nothing about it said ‘side quest’ all as far as we could tell.”


That’s because you never found the quest giver for the tower… I think it was the chickened fellow in the mountains. :lol:

Don’t worry…they will have that particular encounter

At that moment Montaron emerged form the bushes by the side of the road. “You would think there would be some nice tender leaves around these parts,” He complained. “But no…all there is are the kind with serrated edges. Jaheira, remind me again what poison ivy looks like.”


You will know once you have used it.

One would think

Montaron went pale. He looked Kivan up and down taking in the elf’s rapid breathing, the flushed face the dilated pupils, the slit bit of saliva forming at the very edge of the his mouth. He took a cautious side step, ducking behind Xzar. “Oh gods, not one of them.”


This is going the same way as with that noble and the kobold, isn’t it… :lol:

No

That was a mutual affair….this is more or less one sided


“Oh, that is such a crude moniker.” The elf said obviously regaining his wits. “Some of us just appreciate the better qualities of the …wee folk.”


Well, you just keep your appreciation to yourself then.

Well..they are sorta cute

“Like that kid and his Kabold girlfriend?” Kagain asked


“Oh no,” Xzar said. “That was just sick.”


Seems about the same in terms of sickness…

Perversion is all in the eye of the televangilist

Kivan was only paying attention to Montaron however and stepped up beside him. “You know I would follow you anywhere. I would even follow you all the way to the end my noble friend.”


How very Legolas. :D

Aragon :)

“Ahhh…no, a thousand times no.” Montaron was screaming hysterically as he ran around the group.


I just love how everyone is so eager to help Montaron.

Well pause for a moment and consider Montaron. He behavior. his attitude. Would you be eager to help him?

Ajantis looked thoughtful. “I wonder if it is only among the few common kin that such relationships are possible? Do radically different sentient species have romances? Do dragons and beholders for example share secret trysts?”


Now, only a paladin would think of something as perverted.

hey..i play a Paladin just about every game...and i resemble that remark


There was vigorous rustling form bushes near the road. “Is he back there again?” Kagain asked not bothering to hide his disgust.


Yes, now together with the elf. :)

I never said that…what kind of pe3rvertedmind do you have that you would just assume so? ;)

Jaheira huffed with indignation. “These delays are insufferable. Montaron! If you do not hurry up we will leave with out you.”


I hope you will somehow manage to lose Kivan, though. :lol:

The party will come up with something …creative…to occupy Kivan

#8 Guest_Phoenix_*

Posted 20 December 2007 - 02:50 PM

The party turned to regard the man. Curious glances were exchanged. Finally Xzar spoke up. “But you are in the middle of one of the main trading roads in this part of the world. Thousands of people use this roadway for trade and travel every day. Most everyone you meet would be a stranger, you can’t possibly know all of them.”

:D

So I headed south figuring that the iron crises and the problem with the mines would be attracting adventuring groups like honey attracts llamas.”

Xzar nudged Jaheira at that to ensure she was paying attention.

:)
I hope this running joke will continue its merry way.


“Pervy halfling fancier,” Kagain said.

Eh? There's a lot of them on the loose?

“Please! I just want to hold it.” Kivan implored.

Preciousssss....

“I wonder if it is only among the few common kin that such relationships are possible? Do radically different sentient species have romances? Do dragons and beholders for example share secret trysts?”

Probably that is where kuo-toa come from ;)
All eyes and scales.

Ajantis looked around. “And where did the elf ranger go?”

Where indeed?

This chapter was sort of... disturbing. It brought back memories of fellow D&D players who kept referring to my halfling rogue as IHB. And if you know what that means you're definitely a PHF. :)

#9 Guest_IronDragon_*

Posted 20 December 2007 - 10:55 PM

Notemeal: Ok I lied. This isn’t the farming episode. That is next so be patient.

That's all right, this is probably better.

Don’t be so quick to judge

I recently watched all three part to Lord of the Rings (the director’s cuts) in a single sitting.

I've always wanted to do that. Perhaps this Christmas holiday. Insane doesn't have to be bad.

Never claimed insane was bad. Most insane people I have met sleep well at night

wish i could

As for this chapter.

One of the better ones. Good timing. The absurdity works.

I believe Abdel Adrian was the first documented PHF. I admit I myself can't help thinking the females are kind of cute even though you hardly see them anywhere.

Absurdity is my life

#10 Guest_IronDragon_*

Posted 20 December 2007 - 11:06 PM


The party turned to regard the man. Curious glances were exchanged. Finally Xzar spoke up. “But you are in the middle of one of the main trading roads in this part of the world. Thousands of people use this roadway for trade and travel every day. Most everyone you meet would be a stranger, you can’t possibly know all of them.”

:)

So I headed south figuring that the iron crises and the problem with the mines would be attracting adventuring groups like honey attracts llamas.”

Xzar nudged Jaheira at that to ensure she was paying attention.

:)
I hope this running joke will continue its merry way.

I have so many running jokes now

The “and that’s how I learned….” Is going to be a permanent feature.

The obsession with underwear

The obsession with laundry

A variety of PHF’s ( i have many plans)

I will add honey to llamas



“Pervy halfling fancier,” Kagain said.

Eh? There's a lot of them on the loose?

oh yes ;)

“Please! I just want to hold it.” Kivan implored.

Preciousssss....

“I wonder if it is only among the few common kin that such relationships are possible? Do radically different sentient species have romances? Do dragons and beholders for example share secret trysts?”

Probably that is where kuo-toa come from :D
All eyes and scales.

we can experiment

Lets get a behold… a dragon…a nice romantic restaurant ..some violin music…see what develops

Ajantis looked around. “And where did the elf ranger go?”

Where indeed?

This chapter was sort of... disturbing. It brought back memories of fellow D&D players who kept referring to my halfling rogue as IHB. And if you know what that means you're definitely a PHF. :D


an Irish Horse Breeder?

#11 Guest_Clight_*

Posted 21 December 2007 - 12:48 AM

Notemeal: Ok I lied. This isn’t the farming episode. That is next so be patient.

That's all right, this is probably better.

Don’t be so quick to judge

Only judging this one to be good so far. I'm not so fast I'd judge anything before seeing it.

#12 Guest_Cel_*

Posted 21 December 2007 - 06:56 PM

Notemeal: Ok I lied. This isn’t the farming episode. That is next so be patient. As for this chapter. I recently watched all three part to Lord of the Rings (the director’s cuts) in a single sitting. Yes I am insane thank you. Anyway it seems to have had an effect on me


I see nothing insane about that.

A slender elf stride down the middle of the Tradeway, he was dressed in browns and greens and carried a sturdy looking bow. "Hail. It is not often that I come across strangers in this part of the world."


Kivan!

“I am Kivan, guide, ranger, and unenthusiastic seeker of revenge. As for being here, I was standing for some time out by the mysterious stone tower west of Bereghost. Just, standing there, all alone, waiting for some nice adventuring party to happen by. Standing there for days mind you.”

“That h…hardly seems p…productive.”

“It isn’t,” Ajantis said unsoldering the massive back he had been carrying. “Believe me I know. Oh sure you learn a great many colorful phrases just standing around at random for weeks at a time. But it’s rare that you get a chance to do some old fashioned evil smiting.”


Those two have much experience at standing around and waiting :D

“The tower does say quest, it’s printed on a big banner…but that banner is on the far side of the tower, out of sight of the town. The wizard who lives there said he moved it because it attracted far too many annoying adventurers looking for side quests.”


;)

Montaron went pale. He looked Kivan up and down taking in the elf’s rapid breathing, the flushed face the dilated pupils, the slit bit of saliva forming at the very edge of the his mouth. He took a cautious side step, ducking behind Xzar. “Oh gods, not one of them.”

“One of those what’s?” Xzar asked.

“PHF!” Montaron whispered.

‘Oh!” Xzar said with surprise.

“Are you sure?” Kagain said squinting up at the elf. “They all look alike to me.”

“What in the realms is a PHF?” Jaheira asked.

“Pervy halfling fancier,” Kagain said.


:D :) :) :D

“Oh, that is such a crude moniker.” The elf said obviously regaining his wits. “Some of us just appreciate the better qualities of the …wee folk.”


But Monty HAS no better qualities!

Kivan was only paying attention to Montaron however and stepped up beside him. “You know I would follow you anywhere. I would even follow you all the way to the end my noble friend.”

Montaron drew his sword. He pointed it at the ranger hoping his hand wasn’t shaking too badly. “Stay back ye blighter. I’ll fight you….I will”

"Your courage shames the others." Kivan said as he licked his lips.


:lol: :lol:

Perfect use of stock dialogue!


There was vigorous rustling form bushes near the road. “Is he back there again?” Kagain asked not bothering to hide his disgust.


Oh dear.

You kill me, you really do :lol:

#13 Guest_IronDragon_*

Posted 22 December 2007 - 08:12 AM

Notemeal: Ok I lied. This isn’t the farming episode. That is next so be patient. As for this chapter. I recently watched all three part to Lord of the Rings (the director’s cuts) in a single sitting. Yes I am insane thank you. Anyway it seems to have had an effect on me


I see nothing insane about that.

its amazing how few do


A slender elf stride down the middle of the Tradeway, he was dressed in browns and greens and carried a sturdy looking bow. "Hail. It is not often that I come across strangers in this part of the world."


Kivan!

none other


“I am Kivan, guide, ranger, and unenthusiastic seeker of revenge. As for being here, I was standing for some time out by the mysterious stone tower west of Bereghost. Just, standing there, all alone, waiting for some nice adventuring party to happen by. Standing there for days mind you.”

“That h…hardly seems p…productive.”

“It isn’t,” Ajantis said unsoldering the massive back he had been carrying. “Believe me I know. Oh sure you learn a great many colorful phrases just standing around at random for weeks at a time. But it’s rare that you get a chance to do some old fashioned evil smiting.”


Those two have much experience at standing around and waiting :P

and waiting and waiting


“The tower does say quest, it’s printed on a big banner…but that banner is on the far side of the tower, out of sight of the town. The wizard who lives there said he moved it because it attracted far too many annoying adventurers looking for side quests.”


:D

Montaron went pale. He looked Kivan up and down taking in the elf’s rapid breathing, the flushed face the dilated pupils, the slit bit of saliva forming at the very edge of the his mouth. He took a cautious side step, ducking behind Xzar. “Oh gods, not one of them.”

“One of those what’s?” Xzar asked.

“PHF!” Montaron whispered.

‘Oh!” Xzar said with surprise.

“Are you sure?” Kagain said squinting up at the elf. “They all look alike to me.”

“What in the realms is a PHF?” Jaheira asked.

“Pervy halfling fancier,” Kagain said.


;) :roll: ;) :D

I'm guessing you liked this




“Oh, that is such a crude moniker.” The elf said obviously regaining his wits. “Some of us just appreciate the better qualities of the …wee folk.”


But Monty HAS no better qualities!

he keeps them well hidden


Kivan was only paying attention to Montaron however and stepped up beside him. “You know I would follow you anywhere. I would even follow you all the way to the end my noble friend.”

Montaron drew his sword. He pointed it at the ranger hoping his hand wasn’t shaking too badly. “Stay back ye blighter. I’ll fight you….I will”

"Your courage shames the others." Kivan said as he licked his lips.


:P :P

Perfect use of stock dialogue!

I made use of whta few tools i have on Kivan


There was vigorous rustling form bushes near the road. “Is he back there again?” Kagain asked not bothering to hide his disgust.


Oh dear.

You kill me, you really do :P

thanks

glad you are enjoying




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