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Destiny’s Foster Child : 11


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#1 Guest_IronDragon_*

Posted 03 December 2007 - 03:29 AM

In Triplicate
OR
And Toto Too?


A nameless unease had been growing in Ajantis for some time. A gnawing sense of wrongness with the direction his party had taken. Finally he could keep his concerns to himself no longer. “Are you sure it is wise to have a traumatized child lead us to the mad cleric Bassilus?”

“Mad clerk,” Garrick corrected.

Jaheira put her hands to her face. “I refuse to admit such a thing as an insane clerk could exist, much less plague the lands for miles around with his army of the undead. That said, could we please not go on about it anymore?”

Xzar wrapped his arm around Ajantis’ armored shoulders. “Well, we have had no luck finding Bassilus on our own. And little Footy here is saying he knows exactly where he is. And every day this mad…err…person is free more people die. Yet strangely no one else seems interested in doing anything about him. Anyway, yes the child is a bit odd, but he does seem to know where he is leading us.”

Ajantis refused to accept this. “The child is traumatized and it is obvious that his family members have been killed and animated into undead abominations by Bassilus. Are we not adding to his trauma?”

I’m sure he will survive, in fact the whole thing might just serve to make him all the stronger.”

“You really think so?”

“Oh yes, just look at my what happened to my family, and I turned out just dandy don’t you think?”

“Um…”

“While it would be entertaining to watch our resident Paladin attempt to honestly answer that particular question, I believe our young guide has led us to our quarry. Isn’t that right Footy?”

The small grubby child was peering through a thicket. Light from a campfire illuminated his face, making it appear pale and otherworldly. “They’re heeeeere…”

Everyone took turns peering through the thicket and at the macabre scene beyond. Dozens of undead milled about a clearing. Zombies shuffled about aimlessly occasionally making their now useless lungs work by taking hoarse gasping breaths and letting out low atonal groans. Diseased looking ghouls and gas bloated ghasts mingled in the shadows. Armed with swords and cross bows, skeletons guarded the campsite. Sitting by the fire was the only living creature, an old and painfully thin man with greasy clothing. He stared into the fire and seemed to be having a conversation with one of the nearer zombies.

“I have n…ever seen s…such an assemblage of the undead b…before.”

“You have to admire the man’s work,” Xzar said dreamily.

“He means the attention to detail that has gone into this campsite.” Montaron said quickly. “The way the area around the fire is so carefully cleared away. Yes sir, no chance of forest fires form that blaze. Isn’t that right Xzar?”

“Oh, if you insist.”

Footy drew their attention with a small gesture and a serious look. “Can I tell you something? …. I see dead people.”

“Oh yeah, kid’s gonna be just fine,” Kagain said with thinly disguised sarcasm.

Montaron decided to take a more direct approach to the situation. “So how do we approach? We canna fight all of his undead minions.”

Footy had taken to wiggling his index finger in front of his face. “Red room. Red Room.”

“What we need is a cleric,” Ajantis said.

Jaheira sniffed indignantly. “My Druidic skills are more than sufficient for our party.”

“And don’t we have enough people running around in this group as is?” Kagain asked.

Garrick was back to peering through the thicket. “Not enough in the way of beautiful women for my taste.” He obviously felt the icy glare of Jaheira on his back. He quickly added. “I mean available beautiful women, Jaheira already being taken and all…you lucky dog Khalid.”

“A cleric at our level couldn’t turn a skeletal poodle much less that collection out there,” Montaron said.

“I’ve always wanted a poodle.” Kagain said. “I’d name her Fifi and she would have all the pretty scented ribbons a dog could want. And she would be the best darn poodle in all of Bereghost.”

“Clerics are generally useless. The only way I’d say yes to a cleric joining us is if she is a hot blond Nordic babe.” Garrick said

Montaron nodded. “Yeah, but what are the chances that a cleric would be some hot dame?”

“Let me tell you, if we found a hot cleric babe I’d offer to let her use my blunt instrument anytime.”

Ajantis was blushing. “Garrick!”

“What? I’ve been carrying around a mace for the last week just in case we need it.”

Ajantis looked relieved. “Oh, I see.”

“You paladins and your dirty minds.” Garrick turned back to the rest of the group, and said with a wink, “I’d also offer her my other blunt weapon.”

Xzar’s eyes suddenly snapped into focus. Montaron would say that such was a rare and dangerous event. “Oh enough of this chit chat. Why if it wasn’t for me I swear you all would just sit about having inane conversations.” And with that Xzar stepped boldly into the clearing.

“No!”

Wait!!”

Xzar you fool!!”

Xzar strode passed a number of undead right up to the fire, held out his arms and exclaimed, “Uncle Bossy!”

The emaciated, dirty old man looked up with surprise at Xzar “Little Fornswagle?!!! My how you have grown!”

“Yes, all grown up and out in the big big world.”

Bassilus leaped to his feet and held out his arms wide. “Not to too big to give your favorite Uncle a hug I hope.”

“Never to big for you uncle Bossy,” Xzar said as the two embraced.

Bassilus looked at the party standing dumbfounded at the edge of the forest. “And your friends?”

Xzar gave the group a dismissive wave. “Oh we were just passing through when I said that I just couldn’t pass by without out stopping in for a visit. You’re looking well.”

“Well I have been watching my weight, Bassilus said patting his midsection. “Some people complain about Atkins but it really works for me.”

“Well it’s better than that cabbage soup diet you tried years ago. Remember that? The whole village smelled like sauerkraut.”

“Oh yes I do remember, I was miserable for a whole week and still didn’t loose all that much weight. I was just talking over the old days with Thurm here.” Bassilus gestured towards a rather abused looking zombie. "Thurm, why not grace our ears with a ripping tale of the old days! Always a delight!" ‘Thurm’ was missing part of his jaw and his left forearm. He was letting out a low moan and smelled of gangrene.

“Its been a while Thurm. Still the ladies man I see.”

Bassilus leaned in close and whispered. “No…he came out of the closet a few months ago.”

“Oh…”

“Not that there is anything wrong with that. No need to be shy Thurm I remember a time back at Zhentil Keep when you would sooner die than be quiet. You...would sooner...um... I'll wait 'til you feel like telling them yourself, I don't remember the old days so well."

“Ah yes Zhentil Keep, those were the days huh Uncle Bossy”

“But Fornswagle, you weren’t at Zhentil. Why if memory serves you were laid up that entire month. Something about a little moonlight romp with the Hekurson girl in a bed of poison ivy.”

“Oh Uncle, your would bring that up.

“Aha!. The real Fornswagle wasn’t even invited to Zhentil keep because of his persistent flatulence problems. You are an imposter! Not blood relation at all!”

“Well not blood relation. Aunt Quintilla did run around quite a bit before she was forced to marry Uncle Dervis. Not many men would marry a women with sixteen illegitimate children, but lets face it Uncle Dervis was no catch. I’m sure given enough time she would have been able figured out just who your father was, or at least narrow it down. But that doesn’t make you any less family.”

Bassilus glared at the party. “Your mercenaries come to hunt me down is that it?”

“Well…” Xzar said twisting the hem of his robes.

“Tell the truth.”

“…Maybe.”

“Well I hope you have your adventure’s license with you.”

“Umm”

“Don’t pretend you’ve never heard of them. I’m not going to be brutally killed by people who don’t have the proper paperwork completed. Well it’s obvious you don’t have them, fortunately I have the forms here. You can fill them out and we can get you a temporary permit.



Some hours later:



Ajantis was surrounded by piles of papers in all shades of colors and small books. His helmet was filled to overflowing with crumpled papers. His hair was disheveled and his skin ashen, he looked prepared to cry. He was reading aloud form one of the sheets of paper. “’Look up tithing deductions from gross adventure income on form 354R and insert estimated amount per adventure level and standardized code in section C box 26a.’ I can find form 353R and 355R but not 354R. It doesn’t exist!”

“Well that because 353R and 355R are for non-religious based individuals, Garrick pointed out. “You might want to look in the temple based activities deduction and claims handbook for that form, just don’t try to find it in the temple based activities healing, resurrection handbook.”

“Multi-class surtax?” Jaheira said indignantly. “I must pay more for my license because I have the skill and where withal to master two professions?”

“Aye, and they get us in the pocketbook for being out of species adventurers too,” Montaron said.

Xzar didn’t look up form the bubble chart form he was carefully filling in with a number 2 pencil. “Oh no Monty, you get those licensing fees back if you fill out the ethnic exemptions forms. That can be found in the back of the non-human registration catalogue.”

Jaheira sighed. “Those are only for specific races, Khalid and I are half elves.”

Kagain started pushing piles of papers around. “I ran across something about an exemption disclaimer for species hybrids and licensing fees a while ago. I think it was in a green pamphlet.”

“No the guild licensing fees in the green pamphlet.”

Montaron looked up with desperation. “Does anyone have booklet with the proto-human coding chart in it? I have the ‘Guide to Public Health Insurance,’ the ‘Out of Service Area Activities Codex’, the ‘Interspecies Killing Guide’ and the ‘Halberds are our Friends’ book.”

“These are a few of my favorite things.” Footy sang as he drew stick figures on Xzar’s application forms.

Ajantis realized he needed a break. He knew his sanity would be in jeopardy if he filled out just one more form in triplicate. “Bassilus, can you resolve a question we had. Are you a cleric?”

“Cleric? Me? Oh no. defiantly not.”

“Then how are you able to raise an army of the undead?”

“Raise? Why I’ve done no such thing. All these people died without having their afterlife/reincarnation license forms approved.”

“I see,” Ajantis said pondering the implications.

The mad clerk jumped to his feet. “I have those forms too, you can fill them out now, it should only take a few hours, and it will save you time in the long run. Bassilus ducked into the shadows despite protests form the group. He returned seconds later carrying a wooden crate nearly as large as he was. “Now this only contains the paperwork for one person. But I can order copies for the rest of you.” It was then that Bassilus slipped on rock and fell backwards, the crate he was carrying landed on top of him with a loud wet crunch.

Every one paused for a moment. Then all the undead in the area simply collapsed like marionettes whose strings had been cut.

They all stared at the lifeless body of the Bassilus, the late mad clerk. Xzar went over and picked up a small placard reading ‘TAKE A NUMBER’ next to the body. “Well this should pass as the ‘holy symbol’ that temple wanted.”

Jaheira started tossing her excess forms into the fireplace. “I think we can all agree that the details of this man’s death must forever remain a secret.”

Everyone nodded except Ajantis. “Well, that wouldn’t exactly be honest…”

Jaheira started to protest but Xzar gently put a hand on her forearm. “Allow me to handle this Jaheira.” Xzar turned to the paladin. “But Ajantis, you are the one who brought about the death of Bassilus, you are the hero here.”

“I am?”

“Oh, very much so. Why without your timely intervention we would still be putting numbers in tiny boxes and an army of the undead would still be loose upon the land. Why, I can scarcely think of a more paladin like thing to do than what you have accomplished right here and now.”

Ajantis didn’t seem entirely convinced. “And we are keeping quiet about it…because”

“Not the death of this evil bureaucrat, rather the sordid details of what he was doing in his last days. Consider the potential trauma such stories would have on the loved ones of these...” Xzar kicked at the corpse of a zombie. “…good people

“I see your point.”

“You do?”

“Yes, the important thing is that he is dead and his reign of terror is over.”

“Oh that point.”

Jaheira glanced at Garrick. He nodded and whispered he would have an appropriately heroic write up for the newspapers in the morning.

She turned to their young guide. “Footy, will you be all right?”

The child beamed and broke into song. “The sun will come out tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there’ll be sun.”

“That is comforting…I think.”

Footy smiled at them all in turn. “Well, I guess its time for me to go home alone.” Footy slapped both ands to the sides of his face, screamed, and then took off running into the night.

“Yep, that kid is gonna be just fine,” Kagain said not bothering to disguise his sarcasm.

#2 Guest_Vitae_*

Posted 03 December 2007 - 09:42 AM

An excellent chapter reminding me of my work somewhat..

“Clerics are generally useless. The only way I’d say yes to a cleric joining us is if she is a hot blond Nordic babe.” Garrick said


Ooh! Mayhaps Branwen will make an appearance in a short future *crosses fingers*.

#3 Guest_Theodur_*

Posted 03 December 2007 - 11:53 AM

Ajantis refused to accept this. “The child is traumatized and it is obvious that his family members have been killed and animated into undead abominations by Bassilus. Are we not adding to his trauma?”


Do you really think he can be messed up even more than he already is?

“Oh yes, just look at my what happened to my family, and I turned out just dandy don’t you think?”


A compelling argument, for sure.

Footy drew their attention with a small gesture and a serious look. “Can I tell you something? …. I see dead people.”


I think we all do. :P

Garrick was back to peering through the thicket. “Not enough in the way of beautiful women for my taste.” He obviously felt the icy glare of Jaheira on his back. He quickly added. “I mean available beautiful women, Jaheira already being taken and all…you lucky dog Khalid.”


*gives Khalid an envious stare* :shock:

“I’ve always wanted a poodle.” Kagain said. “I’d name her Fifi and she would have all the pretty scented ribbons a dog could want. And she would be the best darn poodle in all of Bereghost.”


Barbarian poodle? ;)

“Clerics are generally useless. The only way I’d say yes to a cleric joining us is if she is a hot blond Nordic babe.” Garrick said


If it wasn’t for the ‘hot’, I’d say Branwen… but I wouldn’t wish her upon these poor souls.

Montaron nodded. “Yeah, but what are the chances that a cleric would be some hot dame?”


Not a chance of that, as we saw in the game.

Bassilus leaped to his feet and held out his arms wide. “Not to too big to give your favorite Uncle a hug I hope.”


“Never to big for you uncle Bossy,” Xzar said as the two embraced.


…right… this is going well…

Bassilus leaned in close and whipsered. “No…he came out of the closet a few months ago.”


After or before he was zombified? :(

“Tell the truth.”


“…Maybe.”


“Well I hope you have your adventure’s license with you.”


See, he is the mad clerc after all. :D

“Well that because 353R and 355R are for non-religious based individuals, Garrick pointed out. “You might want to look in the temple based activities deduction and claims handbook for that form, just don’t try to find it in the temple based activities healing, resurrection handbook.”


Certainly makes me remember our summer’s pen and paper adventures, and the giant pile of handbooks covering the whole table, as we try to make sense of it all. :)

Montaron looked up with desperation. “Does anyone have booklet with the proto-human coding chart in it? I have the ‘Guide to Public Health Insurance,’ the ‘Out of Service Area Activities Codex’, the ‘Interspecies Killing Guide’ and the ‘Halberds are our Friends’ book.”


I think that about this time, the ‘Killing Guide’ is starting to look more and more appealing. :)

The mad clerk jumped to his feet. “I have those forms too, you can fill them out now, it should only take a few hours, and it will save you time in the long run. Bassilus ducked into the shadows despite protests form the group. He returned seconds later carrying a wooden crate nearly as large as he was. “Now this only contains the paperwork for one person. But I can order copies for the rest of you.” It was then that Bassilus slipped on rock and fell backwards, the crate he was carrying landed on top of him with a loud wet crunch.


Oh dear. How terribly sad. :shock:

Jaheira started tossing her excess forms into the fireplace. “I think we can all agree that the details of this man’s death must forever remain a secret.”


I think that would be for the best. :D

Footy smiled at them all in turn. “Well, I guess its time for me to go home alone.” Footy slapped both ands to the sides of his face, screamed, and then took off running into the night.


“Yep, that kid is gonna be just fine,” Kagain said not bothering to disguise his sarcasm.


Absolutely, why would you ever think otherwise? :D

#4 Guest_Phoenix_*

Posted 03 December 2007 - 01:52 PM

Jaheira put her hands to her face. “I refuse to admit such a thing as an insane clerk could exist, much less plague the lands for miles around with his army of the undead. That said, could we please not go on about it anymore?”

And I think mad clerks are infintely worse than mad clerics...

Footy drew their attention with a small gesture and a serious look. “Can I tell you something? …. I see dead people.”

:shock:

“A cleric at our level couldn’t turn a skeletal poodle much less that collection out there,” Montaron said.

A skeletal poodle :shock:

“Let me tell you, if we found a hot cleric babe I’d offer to let her use my blunt instrument anytime.”

Ajantis was blushing. “Garrick!”

“What? I’ve been carrying around a mace for the last week just in case we need it.”

Ajantis looked relieved. “Oh, I see.”

“You paladins and your dirty minds.” Garrick turned back to the rest of the group, and said with a wink, “I’d also offer her my other blunt weapon.”

What, your head? ;)


“Its been a while Thurm. Still the ladies man I see.”

Bassilus leaned in close and whipsered. “No…he came out of the closet a few months ago.”

:P
And that would be 'whispered', I guess.

“’Look up tithing deductions from gross adventure income on form 354R and insert estimated amount per adventure level and standardized code in section C box 26a.’ I can find form 353R and 355R but not 354R. It doesn’t exist!”

See! Told you! *shudder*

Footy smiled at them all in turn. “Well, I guess its time for me to go home alone.” Footy slapped both ands to the sides of his face, screamed, and then took off running into the night.

And that concludes every silly cliche of children in movies I suppose...

“Yep, that kid is gonna be just fine,” Kagain said not bothering to disguise his sarcasm.

I always felt sorry for the poor kid :( and that was without Xzar, even.

#5 Guest_Futurist_*

Posted 03 December 2007 - 04:36 PM

Jaheira put her hands to her face. “I refuse to admit such a thing as an insane clerk could exist, much less plague the lands for miles around with his army of the undead. That said, could we please not go on about it anymore?”


Clearly she had never had to fight a bureaucracy.

“Oh yes, just look at my what happened to my family, and I turned out just dandy don’t you think?”


Oh yes, the very model of a sane man.

Garrick was back to peering through the thicket. “Not enough in the way of beautiful women for my taste.” He obviously felt the icy glare of Jaheira on his back. He quickly added. “I mean available beautiful women, Jaheira already being taken and all…you lucky dog Khalid.”


Fine save there Garrick!


“Clerics are generally useless. The only way I’d say yes to a cleric joining us is if she is a hot blond Nordic babe.” Garrick said

Montaron nodded. “Yeah, but what are the chances that a cleric would be some hot dame?”


Pretty good actually... she is encased in stone of course but hey...

Bassilus glared at the party. “Your mercenaries come to hunt me down is that it?”

“Well…” Xzar said twisting the hem of his robes.

“Tell the truth.”

“…Maybe.”

“Well I hope you have your adventure’s license with you.”

“Umm”

“Don’t pretend you’ve never heard of them. I’m not going to be brutally killed by people who don’t have the proper paperwork completed. Well it’s obvious you don’t have them, fortunately I have the forms here. You can fill them out and we can get you a temporary permit.


I`d just give up. I have a - 100 resistance againt bureaucrats.


“Multi-class surtax?” Jaheira said indignantly. “I must pay more for my license because I have the skill and where withal to master two professions?”

“Aye, and they get us in the pocketbook for being out of species adventurers too,” Montaron said.

Xzar didn’t look up form the bubble chart form he was carefully filling in with a number 2 pencil. “Oh no Monty, you get those licensing fees back if you fill out the ethnic exemptions forms. That can be found in the back of the non-human registration catalogue.”

Jaheira sighed. “Those are only for specific races, Khalid and I are half elves.”

Kagain started pushing piles of papers around. “I ran across something about an exemption disclaimer for species hybrids and licensing fees a while ago. I think it was in a green pamphlet.”


:shock:


Jaheira glanced at Garrick. He nodded and whispered he would have an appropriately heroic write up for the newspapers in the morning.


Hooray!!

#6 Guest_Cel_*

Posted 03 December 2007 - 08:46 PM

Ajantis refused to accept this. “The child is traumatized and it is obvious that his family members have been killed and animated into undead abominations by Bassilus. Are we not adding to his trauma?”

I’m sure he will survive, in fact the whole thing might just serve to make him all the stronger.”

“You really think so?”
“Oh yes, just look at my what happened to my family, and I turned out just dandy don’t you think?”

“Um…”


:)

The small grubby child was peering through a thicket. Light from a campfire illuminated his face, making it appear pale and otherworldly. “They’re heeeeere…”


Footy = Newt's long lost brother?

Footy drew their attention with a small gesture and a serious look. “Can I tell you something? …. I see dead people.”


:D

Footy had taken to wiggling his index finger in front of his face. “Red room. Red Room.”


:shock:

“I’ve always wanted a poodle.” Kagain said. “I’d name her Fifi and she would have all the pretty scented ribbons a dog could want. And she would be the best darn poodle in all of Bereghost.”


Awww :D

“Let me tell you, if we found a hot cleric babe I’d offer to let her use my blunt instrument anytime.”

Ajantis was blushing. “Garrick!”


I'm a bit astonished that Ajantis even got that :)

“What? I’ve been carrying around a mace for the last week just in case we need it.”

Ajantis looked relieved. “Oh, I see.”


:P

Xzar strode passed a number of undead right up to the fire, held out his arms and exclaimed, “Uncle Bossy!”

The emaciated, dirty old man looked up with surprise at Xzar “Little Fornswagle?!!! My how you have grown!”


:shock:

“Its been a while Thurm. Still the ladies man I see.”

Bassilus leaned in close and whispered. “No…he came out of the closet a few months ago.”


;) :( :P

“But Fornswagle, you weren’t at Zhentil. Why if memory serves you were laid up that entire month. Something about a little moonlight romp with the Hekurson girl in a bed of poison ivy.”

“Oh Uncle, your would bring that up.

“Aha!. The real Fornswagle wasn’t even invited to Zhentil keep because of his persistent flatulence problems. You are an imposter! Not blood relation at all!”

“Well not blood relation. Aunt Quintilla did run around quite a bit before she was forced to marry Uncle Dervis. Not many men would marry a women with sixteen illegitimate children, but lets face it Uncle Dervis was no catch. I’m sure given enough time she would have been able figured out just who your father was, or at least narrow it down. But that doesn’t make you any less family.”


You know, the two of them really do seem like they should be family :D

Xzar didn’t look up form the bubble chart form he was carefully filling in with a number 2 pencil. “Oh no Monty, you get those licensing fees back if you fill out the ethnic exemptions forms. That can be found in the back of the non-human registration catalogue.”


If you really want tricky, you have the tax systems for when a person from one country is married to a person from another.

“Raise? Why I’ve done no such thing. All these people died without having their afterlife/reincarnation license forms approved.”


Clever!

The mad clerk jumped to his feet. “I have those forms too, you can fill them out now, it should only take a few hours, and it will save you time in the long run. Bassilus ducked into the shadows despite protests form the group. He returned seconds later carrying a wooden crate nearly as large as he was. “Now this only contains the paperwork for one person. But I can order copies for the rest of you.” It was then that Bassilus slipped on rock and fell backwards, the crate he was carrying landed on top of him with a loud wet crunch.


That... was awesome :D

She turned to their young guide. “Footy, will you be all right?”

The child beamed and broke into song. “The sun will come out tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there’ll be sun.”


Your bottom dollar, eh?

Footy smiled at them all in turn. “Well, I guess its time for me to go home alone.” Footy slapped both ands to the sides of his face, screamed, and then took off running into the night.


:) :) :D :D

Great chapter!

#7 Guest_IronDragon_*

Posted 03 December 2007 - 10:33 PM

An excellent chapter reminding me of my work somewhat..

Thank you

“Clerics are generally useless. The only way I’d say yes to a cleric joining us is if she is a hot blond Nordic babe.” Garrick said


Ooh! Mayhaps Branwen will make an appearance in a short future *crosses fingers*.

Some people think that foreshadowing should be a subtle literary device. I think it should smack people upside the head…just o be sure they are paying attention.

Yes Branwen will make an appearance, but not before some other familiar faces

#8 Guest_IronDragon_*

Posted 03 December 2007 - 11:24 PM

Ajantis refused to accept this. “The child is traumatized and it is obvious that his family members have been killed and animated into undead abominations by Bassilus. Are we not adding to his trauma?”


Do you really think he can be messed up even more than he already is?

oh sure

“Oh yes, just look at my what happened to my family, and I turned out just dandy don’t you think?”


A compelling argument, for sure.

definately

Footy drew their attention with a small gesture and a serious look. “Can I tell you something? …. I see dead people.”


I think we all do. :P

in more ways than one

Garrick was back to peering through the thicket. “Not enough in the way of beautiful women for my taste.” He obviously felt the icy glare of Jaheira on his back. He quickly added. “I mean available beautiful women, Jaheira already being taken and all…you lucky dog Khalid.”


*gives Khalid an envious stare* :shock:

careful...i am evil remember


“I’ve always wanted a poodle.” Kagain said. “I’d name her Fifi and she would have all the pretty scented ribbons a dog could want. And she would be the best darn poodle in all of Bereghost.”


Barbarian poodle? ;)

the naricut alone is enough to force a saving roll

“Clerics are generally useless. The only way I’d say yes to a cleric joining us is if she is a hot blond Nordic babe.” Garrick said


If it wasn’t for the ‘hot’, I’d say Branwen… but I wouldn’t wish her upon these poor souls.

Sadly i have no idea what to do with her.

Montaron nodded. “Yeah, but what are the chances that a cleric would be some hot dame?”


Not a chance of that, as we saw in the game.

hey there is Aerie...oh wiat...never mind

Bassilus leaped to his feet and held out his arms wide. “Not to too big to give your favorite Uncle a hug I hope.”


“Never to big for you uncle Bossy,” Xzar said as the two embraced.


…right… this is going well…

it is

Bassilus leaned in close and whipsered. “No…he came out of the closet a few months ago.”


After or before he was zombified? :(

Lets ask Thurm

Thurm: mmmmrrrrrrr


Well there you have it


“Tell the truth.”


“…Maybe.”


“Well I hope you have your adventure’s license with you.”


See, he is the mad clerc after all. :D

the most evil of evil

“Well that because 353R and 355R are for non-religious based individuals, Garrick pointed out. “You might want to look in the temple based activities deduction and claims handbook for that form, just don’t try to find it in the temple based activities healing, resurrection handbook.”


Certainly makes me remember our summer’s pen and paper adventures, and the giant pile of handbooks covering the whole table, as we try to make sense of it all. :)

I made use of memories of my old career….I had to cut back on the number of references and forms used though…

Montaron looked up with desperation. “Does anyone have booklet with the proto-human coding chart in it? I have the ‘Guide to Public Health Insurance,’ the ‘Out of Service Area Activities Codex’, the ‘Interspecies Killing Guide’ and the ‘Halberds are our Friends’ book.”


I think that about this time, the ‘Killing Guide’ is starting to look more and more appealing. :)

you don't wnat to know how many forms need to be filled out for the killing of random endangered species.

The mad clerk jumped to his feet. “I have those forms too, you can fill them out now, it should only take a few hours, and it will save you time in the long run. Bassilus ducked into the shadows despite protests form the group. He returned seconds later carrying a wooden crate nearly as large as he was. “Now this only contains the paperwork for one person. But I can order copies for the rest of you.” It was then that Bassilus slipped on rock and fell backwards, the crate he was carrying landed on top of him with a loud wet crunch.


Oh dear. How terribly sad. :shock:

very...they still only have one set of forms and no way to order more

Jaheira started tossing her excess forms into the fireplace. “I think we can all agree that the details of this man’s death must forever remain a secret.”


I think that would be for the best. :D

agreed

Footy smiled at them all in turn. “Well, I guess its time for me to go home alone.” Footy slapped both ands to the sides of his face, screamed, and then took off running into the night.


“Yep, that kid is gonna be just fine,” Kagain said not bothering to disguise his sarcasm.


Absolutely, why would you ever think otherwise? :D

no reason at all

#9 Guest_IronDragon_*

Posted 03 December 2007 - 11:31 PM

[quote][quote]Jaheira put her hands to her face. “I refuse to admit such a thing as an insane clerk could exist, much less plague the lands for miles around with his army of the undead. That said, could we please not go on about it anymore?”[/quote]
And I think mad clerks are infintely worse than mad clerics...[/quote] agreed



[quote][quote]“A cleric at our level couldn’t turn a skeletal poodle much less that collection out there,” Montaron said.[/quote]
A skeletal poodle :shock: [/quote] i dare you to think of an undead creature less terrifying


[quote][quote]“Let me tell you, if we found a hot cleric babe I’d offer to let her use my blunt instrument anytime.”

Ajantis was blushing. “Garrick!”

“What? I’ve been carrying around a mace for the last week just in case we need it.”

Ajantis looked relieved. “Oh, I see.”

“You paladins and your dirty minds.” Garrick turned back to the rest of the group, and said with a wink, “I’d also offer her my other blunt weapon.”[/quote]
What, your head? :shock:[/quote] now ... be nice


[[quote]quote]“Its been a while Thurm. Still the ladies man I see.”

Bassilus leaned in close and whipsered. “No…he came out of the closet a few months ago.”[/quote]
:(
And that would be 'whispered', I guess.[/quote] the really spooky thing is tha whipshered is an actual word


[quote]
[quote]Footy smiled at them all in turn. “Well, I guess its time for me to go home alone.” Footy slapped both ands to the sides of his face, screamed, and then took off running into the night.[/quote]
And that concludes every silly cliche of children in movies I suppose...[/quote] i used all i could think of...Well except for “every time a bell rings an angel gets it s wings”. I couldn’t fit a bell into the story

its amazing how few memorabel children's lines there are

[quote]“Yep, that kid is gonna be just fine,” Kagain said not bothering to disguise his sarcasm.[/quote]
I always felt sorry for the poor kid ;) and that was without Xzar, even.[/quote] thanks for reading and for commenting

#10 Guest_IronDragon_*

Posted 03 December 2007 - 11:37 PM


Jaheira put her hands to her face. “I refuse to admit such a thing as an insane clerk could exist, much less plague the lands for miles around with his army of the undead. That said, could we please not go on about it anymore?”


Clearly she had never had to fight a bureaucracy.

or been employed by one.


“Oh yes, just look at my what happened to my family, and I turned out just dandy don’t you think?”


Oh yes, the very model of a sane man.

for sure!


Garrick was back to peering through the thicket. “Not enough in the way of beautiful women for my taste.” He obviously felt the icy glare of Jaheira on his back. He quickly added. “I mean available beautiful women, Jaheira already being taken and all…you lucky dog Khalid.”


Fine save there Garrick!

he does pull them out of thefire with regularity doesn't he?



“Clerics are generally useless. The only way I’d say yes to a cleric joining us is if she is a hot blond Nordic babe.” Garrick said

Montaron nodded. “Yeah, but what are the chances that a cleric would be some hot dame?”


Pretty good actually... she is encased in stone of course but hey...

sotne ...or ALOT of make up....hmmm *scribbles notes for upcomming chapter*


Bassilus glared at the party. “Your mercenaries come to hunt me down is that it?”

“Well…” Xzar said twisting the hem of his robes.

“Tell the truth.”

“…Maybe.”

“Well I hope you have your adventure’s license with you.”

“Umm”

“Don’t pretend you’ve never heard of them. I’m not going to be brutally killed by people who don’t have the proper paperwork completed. Well it’s obvious you don’t have them, fortunately I have the forms here. You can fill them out and we can get you a temporary permit.


I`d just give up. I have a - 100 resistance againt bureaucrats.

but you can’t use it without filling out the following forms and filing them with the local gaming officials.



Jaheira glanced at Garrick. He nodded and whispered he would have an appropriately heroic write up for the newspapers in the morning.


Hooray!!

tahnk you for commenting

#11 Guest_IronDragon_*

Posted 04 December 2007 - 08:01 AM




The small grubby child was peering through a thicket. Light from a campfire illuminated his face, making it appear pale and otherworldly. “They’re heeeeere…”


Footy = Newt's long lost brother?

its one of those strange unresoved mysteries



“Let me tell you, if we found a hot cleric babe I’d offer to let her use my blunt instrument anytime.”

Ajantis was blushing. “Garrick!”


I'm a bit astonished that Ajantis even got that :D

well..he is a paladin after all




“Its been a while Thurm. Still the ladies man I see.”

Bassilus leaned in close and whispered. “No…he came out of the closet a few months ago.”


:shock: :shock: ;)

bet you never knew zombies had closets


“But Fornswagle, you weren’t at Zhentil. Why if memory serves you were laid up that entire month. Something about a little moonlight romp with the Hekurson girl in a bed of poison ivy.”

“Oh Uncle, your would bring that up.

“Aha!. The real Fornswagle wasn’t even invited to Zhentil keep because of his persistent flatulence problems. You are an imposter! Not blood relation at all!”

“Well not blood relation. Aunt Quintilla did run around quite a bit before she was forced to marry Uncle Dervis. Not many men would marry a women with sixteen illegitimate children, but lets face it Uncle Dervis was no catch. I’m sure given enough time she would have been able figured out just who your father was, or at least narrow it down. But that doesn’t make you any less family.”


You know, the two of them really do seem like they should be family :D

sometimes all i have to do is set Xzar down next to somebody then try to keep up transcribing the conversation


Xzar didn’t look up form the bubble chart form he was carefully filling in with a number 2 pencil. “Oh no Monty, you get those licensing fees back if you fill out the ethnic exemptions forms. That can be found in the back of the non-human registration catalogue.”


If you really want tricky, you have the tax systems for when a person from one country is married to a person from another.

i probbaly could have given Jaheira and Khalid more forms to fill out becuase they are mareid


“Raise? Why I’ve done no such thing. All these people died without having their afterlife/reincarnation license forms approved.”


Clever!

why thank you


The mad clerk jumped to his feet. “I have those forms too, you can fill them out now, it should only take a few hours, and it will save you time in the long run. Bassilus ducked into the shadows despite protests form the group. He returned seconds later carrying a wooden crate nearly as large as he was. “Now this only contains the paperwork for one person. But I can order copies for the rest of you.” It was then that Bassilus slipped on rock and fell backwards, the crate he was carrying landed on top of him with a loud wet crunch.


That... was awesome :D

i needed him to die...and without that liscence our party wasn't going ot get to do it.


She turned to their young guide. “Footy, will you be all right?”

The child beamed and broke into song. “The sun will come out tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there’ll be sun.”


Your bottom dollar, eh?

i didn't write the lyrics...i just misuse them


Footy smiled at them all in turn. “Well, I guess its time for me to go home alone.” Footy slapped both ands to the sides of his face, screamed, and then took off running into the night.


:( :P :) :)

Great chapter!

thanks
gald you enjoyed




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