Destiny’s Foster Child : 10
#1 Guest_IronDragon_*
Posted 16 November 2007 - 11:00 PM
Or
Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner
“Well Kagain.” Jaheira said as she planted her quarterstaff firmly on the path. “I believe we have found your missing caravan.”
“That’s what you said about the last four caravans we’ve found. So pardon me if I don’t hold my breath about this one being the one were looking for.” Kagain’s change into more gender appropriate armor had defiantly soured his mood. However, Jaheira was coming to suspect that ill tempered and taciturn was the best one could hope for from this particular dwarf. In the two days they had been hunting for the caravan, Kagain had found reason to complain about everything from the inflexibility of the ground, “You’d think it was made out of hard packed earth or something.” To the quality of food, “Just because they are called Iron rations doesn’t mean they should taste like metal.” To the coldness of the local streams, “I’m a dwarf, we can’t handle much in the way of shrinkage you know.”
Montaron rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Five destroyed caravans in as many hours. This is a right busy place for bandits.”
“Well the signs of bandit activity are all around.” Xzar said dreamily.
“And what make you think you know anything about tracking bandits?”
Xzar pointed to a large diamond shaped sign by the side of the road. It was yellow and had a black silhouette of a man with a drawn bow. A smaller yellow sign below clearly read: ‘BANDIT CROSSING’.
Jaheira shook her head in disbelief. “How did such a sign post get there?”
“Well I’m sure I don’t know Jaheira. But I do know that behind you is another.”
Jaheira turned to see another large yellow diamond shaped sign. This one had a silhouette of a small boy playing with a ball. A smaller sign below it read ‘SLOW BANDIT CHILDREN AT PLAY’.
Xzar sneered. “Can you imagine a worse sign? Do they really need to be calling attention to this? I am sure that no matter how slow, stupid or dull witted those bandit children might be they must know the sign is referring to them. Why it must be devastating to the little bandit self esteems.”
Montaron gave Xzar a shove. “Focus, you great lummox.”
“Oh if I must…”
“Let’s go and investigate this latest caravan,” Jaheira said, thinking it better to ignore the existence of these road signs altogether.
The walked about ten yards towards the many overturned and fire scorched carts before Kagain announced. “Yep, that’s the caravan all right.”
“How can you tell?” Ajantis asked. “It looks the same as all the others.”
“Smell the air boy. Smell the air.”
As one, the group inhaled deeply. “It smells…it smells like roses and…”Ajantis sniffed again, “and jasmine.”
“… and lilacs,” Garrick added
“It had better. That caravan was loaded with Potpourri and on its way to Neverwinter, where it is sorely needed. Was some of my best blends too…”
“W…why is potpourri so badly n...needed in N…Neverwinter?”
“Have you never smelled Neverwinter at night? Well if you had, you would have known why they need all the potpourri then can get their hands on. Stinks to high heaven.”
Xzar looked puzzled. “I heard that only the ending stunk.”
Kagain frowned. “All a matter of opinion.”
Kagain shoved a few crates of potpourri aside and checked a couple of the bodies. “Well, no sign of survivors. We best check nearby, see if we can find the body of that fool boy.”
Ajantis held up a gauntleted hand. “Wait good friends. Look there, one of the fiendish raiders responsible for this carriage carnage.” On the rise ahead of them was a lone kobold.
“Khalid, Montaron. Shoot it down quickly,” Jaheira ordered.
“NOOOOOO!!!!” Came a shout from the bushes behind the caravan. A young man leapt from the foliage and began running towards the kobold while continuing to shout. Everyone passed to watch him run at what seemed to be a leisurely pace.
Kagan swore under his breath. “Figures it would be the damn idiot boy.”
“Not to swift is he?” Montaron said monitoring the young man’s progress up the rise.
“N…no he runs rather s…slowly.”
“Not what I meant. It’s obvious we aren’t shooting at anything but he is still running and shouting like some kind of inbreed apple-john.
Jaheira had pulled out a nail file and was attending to her manicure while paying only scant attention to the boy or to Ajantis and Xzar, who were engaged in a game of Yatzee.
Ajantis shook the dice cup. “I just assumed your pouch there held spell component’s. I didn’t realize you had a great game we could play. Oh! Full house!”
“Oh spell components, I don’t bother with them.”
“But how can you…?”
“Well I technically do need them but since we aren’t required to keep track of them…and since no one ever checks to see if we do have them, most wizards just pretend they use them. Would you want to carry squid eyes and bat guano around in your pockets?”
Finally, the slow but very vocal young man reached the kobold. He stood bravely in front of it arms outstretched. “You can’t shoot her!”
“N…not s…swift at all.”
Montaron took a more direct approach. “We ain’t shooting at anything you weak kneed younker.”
Xzar continued to shake the dice cup. “Technically we can shoot it…her. I think you mean we shouldn’t shoot her…or more precisely, you would prefer that we do not shoot her at this time.”
“Xzar…” Jaheira said not bothering with her usual glare.
“Oh very well, wallow in poor language skills if you want.”
“Young man,” Jaheira said in a matronly tone. “Why are you insisting we refrain from ending the very existence of this particular kobold?”
“Show off,” Xzar muttered.
The young man looked pained for a moment then turned and flung his arms around the kobold drawing it into a tight embrace. “Because I love her!”
Kagain frowned. “It would be easier to tell his parents that he was killed by bandits than try to explain this. I’ll double what I’m paying you to kill him now.”
Khalid and Montaron raised their bows with a hearty snap.
Jaheira turned to Kagain. “You are not paying us anything now.”
Khalid and Montaron quickly lowered their bows.
“I am so.”
Khalid and Montaron raised their bows and took aim.
“Collectable figurines are not considered payment.”
Khalid and Montaron lowered their bows.
“They are not just figurines, they are Hummels.”
Khalid and Montaron raised their bows
“I am certain the Hummel Company has never produced a ‘hobgoblins in love’ series”
Bows down
“It came out after their ‘frisky golems’ collection.”
Bows up
“Obscene bits of porcelain, no matter their origin, does not constitute actual payment.”
Bows down.
“And you are forgetting I’m throwing in gift certificates for my business for the lot of you.”
Bows up.
“Hardly payment either.”
Bows down.
“Its for a facial, pedicure and full body massage.”
Bows up.
“From you.”
Bows down.
“Also redeemable at Miss Cecilia’s house of beauty and girls finishing school.”
Bows up.
“Khalid, Montaron stand down. We are not shooting anyone.”
“Awww.” Montaron whined
“Maybe later,” Jaheira said quietly as she turned her attention back to the young man and the Kobold. They seemed to be kissing.
“Ewww,” The party said as a group.
“Young man, if we could continue our conversation…”
“Oh, sorry,” He said wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
Jaheira took a long slow deep breath. “Now, you say you are in love with…with…”
“Betty.”
“…Betty.”
“Yes ma’am. It was love at first sight it was too. We’ve been carrying on our forbidden love affair for months. You see, to get to see her I would hire two caravan. There first would drop me off here and then the second would pick me up later. That usually meant two days and two nights with my scaly lil’ love muffin.”
“Two really great days,” Betty said with a wink while making a few rather obscene hip thrusting motions. “It’s great to go human when the flowers are a bloomin.”
“Betty…stop, your embarrassing me,” the young man said.
“I like it when you blush my big monkey stud.”
Kagain blanched and turned to Khalid and Montaron. “I’ll pay you all in actual gold if you shoot me now.”
Jaheira frowned at Kagain then continued, “So the kobold…”
“Had nothing to do with the raid…did you pookie face?” The young man turned to the party with a very serious expression. “We’re going to be married you know.”
Jaheira looked shocked. “Married? Surely you cannot think this …relationship can last.”
The young man shook his head sternly. “We’re committed to making it last…and don’t call me Shirley.”
“But it cannot possibly last. The species and cultural differences alone make such a union impossible.”
The young couple took each other’s hands and he began to sing, “They say we're young and we don't know. We won't find out until we grow.”
Garrick struck up the tune on his lute and Betty responded, “Well I don't know if all that's true 'Cause you got me, and baby I got you.”
“Babe,” the young man sang.
“I got you babe.” Betty sang back.
“Garrick!” Jaheira yelled stopping the singing “Stop providing musical accompaniment to the abominations.” Garrick grumbled about not having much else to do today, but put his lute away. Allowing Jaheira to return her attention to the …err…couple. “Fine you are in love. But now what? Oh dear Gods!” Jaheira’s expression changed to one of pain. She covered her eyes. “Please, please, please say no one is pregnant.”
Xzar shook his head. “Don’t be silly Jaheira, Kobolds are ovaporous, they lay eggs and hatch their young.”
This didn’t seem to improve Jaheira’s mood. "Please say there is no ‘clutch’ somewhere.”
“Oh no. We’ve been playing safe.” The young man assured them.
“What do your parents think of this….relationship?”
The young man went pale. “Tell my parents? No I couldn’t they would never understand not in a million billion years. They would never accept our love or her.”
“Your parents cannot be as bad as you claim.”
“Yes they are.”
“A healthy relationship with one’s parents is essential for becoming a healthy adult. And such relationships are built on trust and honesty.”
“Are your parents so easy to get along with?” Betty asked. “What is your relationship with your mother and father like?”
Jaheira straightened and spoke with pride. “I was born in the Tethyr region to one of the nobles who were loyal to King Alemander the 4th. I was barely a babe when the Tethyrian civil war that ripped the country apart and resulted in the deaths of most of the royalty and nobility. My family was one of noble lineage that was targeted by the angry mobs of peasants. One of the servant girls took me from the castle before it fell. She fled into the forest of Tethyr and stumbled across an enclave of Druids. They took me in to raise as their own.”
“My father,” Khalid began. “He was a wealthy m…merchant Calimshan and my mother one of his slave concubines. F…father never spoke to me or acknowledged my existence before his untimely d…death, assassinated by business rivals.”
“Papa? well he drank...” Xzar grunted as he received an elbow in the thigh from Montaron and an elbow in the ribs form Garrick. “Murdered! Murdered right before my eyes. Yes these eyes right here in my head….yes sir. By a man in black.”
“Really a man in black?” Ajantis asked.
“Oh yes killed in cold blood just so the man in black could watch him die.”
Garrick interrupted any further explanations from Xzar. “My parents never understood my calling to be a bard. They threw me out of their home into the cold cruel world at a terribly young age.”
“How old were you?”
“Twenty eight.”
Montaron looked sheepishly at the ground. “I’ll be damned if I know where my folk are. Came home from school one day to find they had just up and moved.”
Ajantis frowned. “Well I was raised by nannys and tutors as is only proper for a family status. I can safely say my relationship with my parents is excellent. Why even as young child I fondly looked forward to my monthly audience with mumsey and daddy. Yes sir, on the first of every moth they set aside five whole minutes to just be with me.”
Kagain stared at his companions. “Damn you are a bunch of dysfunctional panty wastes.” He went up to the young man and took hold of his ear and began dragging him away from his Kobold fiancée. “You are coming with me. Your folks are worried, the Gods only know why. After you show them your alive then you can tell them about…your love life or you can shut up about it, I don’t care. Just so long as I’m off the hook.”
As he was dragged away the young man shouted his undying love for Betty with the promise to be back with the next caravan.
#2 Guest_Phoenix_*
Posted 17 November 2007 - 10:24 AM
Xzar pointed to a large diamond shaped sign by the side of the road. It was yellow and had a black silhouette of a man with a drawn bow. A smaller yellow sign below clearly read: ‘BANDIT CROSSING’.
I soooo wish they'd had them in-game. Those bandits were really nasty at level 1.
Most of the time Xzar just makes my skin crawl, but this on is oddly funnyMontaron gave Xzar a shove. “Focus, you great lummox.”
“Oh if I must…”
“Have you never smelled Neverwinter at night? Well if you had, you would have known why they need all the potpourri then can get their hands on. Stinks to high heaven.”
Xzar looked puzzled. “I heard that only the ending stunk.”
Kagain frowned. “All a matter of opinion.”
Well, the beginning was pretty crappy as well.
Weird, isn't it! I always wondered about that.Everyone passed to watch him run at what seemed to be a leisurely pace.
Kagan swore under his breath. “Figures it would be the damn idiot boy.”
“Not to swift is he?” Montaron said monitoring the young man’s progress up the rise.
“N…no he runs rather s…slowly.”
sup?Ajantis shook the dice sup. “I just assumed your pouch there held spell component’s. I didn’t realize you had a great game we could play. Oh! Full house!”
Eek?The young man looked pained for a moment then turned and flung his arms around the kobold drawing it into a tight embrace. “Because I love her!”
EEK!That usually meant two days and two nights with my scaly lil’ love muffin.”
That was just PAINFUL.“Two really great days,” Betty said with a wink while making a few rather obscene hip thrusting motions. “It’s great to go human when the flowers are a bloomin.”
Oh, Airplane!“We’re committed to making it last…and don’t call me Shirley.”
..and until he cheats on her with a tasloi?
Oh, and that's very Order of the Stick“Garrick!” Jaheira yelled stopping the singing “Stop providing musical accompaniment to the abominations.”
I always thought Garrick was very Elan-like, just less likeable
*pats Khalid*“My father,” Khalid began. “He was a wealthy m…merchant Calimshan and my mother one of his slave concubines. F…father never spoke to me or acknowledged my existence before his untimely d…death, assassinated by business rivals.”
Wow! It does explain a couple of things...Ajantis frowned. “Well I was raised by nannys and tutors as is only proper for a family status. I can safely say my relationship with my parents is excellent. Why even as young child I fondly looked forward to my monthly audience with mumsey and daddy. Yes sir, on the first of every moth they set aside five whole minutes to just be with me.”
OK, I'll continue to read... but please, no more kobold love affairs! (and preferably nothing with tentacles).
#3 Guest_Futurist_*
Posted 17 November 2007 - 04:44 PM
Xzar pointed to a large diamond shaped sign by the side of the road. It was yellow and had a black silhouette of a man with a drawn bow. A smaller yellow sign below clearly read: ‘BANDIT CROSSING’.
Jaheira shook her head in disbelief. “How did such a sign post get there?”
Well, it is good that they warn about the bandits.
“Well I’m sure I don’t know Jaheira. But I do know that behind you is another.”
Jaheira turned to see another large yellow diamond shaped sign. This one had a silhouette of a small boy playing with a ball. A smaller sign below it read ‘SLOW BANDIT CHILDREN AT PLAY’.
Xzar sneered. “Can you imagine a worse sign? Do they really need to be calling attention to this? I am sure that no matter how slow, stupid or dull witted those bandit children might be they must know the sign is referring to them. Why it must be devastating to the little bandit self esteems.”
So only the slow bandit children play there?
“Have you never smelled Neverwinter at night? Well if you had, you would have known why they need all the potpourri then can get their hands on. Stinks to high heaven.”
Xzar looked puzzled. “I heard that only the ending stunk.”
I heard that this mask and betrayer deal is really a lot better.
Ajantis held up a gauntleted hand. “Wait good friends. Look there, one of the fiendish raiders responsible for this carriage carnage.” On the rise ahead of them was a lone kobold.
Eh... Yeah...
“NOOOOOO!!!!” Came a shout from the bushes behind the caravan. A young man leapt from the foliage and began running towards the kobold while continuing to shout. Everyone passed to watch him run at what seemed to be a leisurely pace.
Kagan swore under his breath. “Figures it would be the damn idiot boy.”
“Not to swift is he?” Montaron said monitoring the young man’s progress up the rise.
“N…no he runs rather s…slowly.”
“Not what I meant. It’s obvious we aren’t shooting at anything but he is still running and shouting like some kind of inbreed apple-john.
The young man looked pained for a moment then turned and flung his arms around the kobold drawing it into a tight embrace. “Because I love her!”
Kagain frowned. “It would be easier to tell his parents that he was killed by bandits than try to explain this. I’ll double what I’m paying you to kill him now.”
Heh... might be a mercy...
“I am so.”
Khalid and Montaron raised their bows and took aim.
“Collectable figurines are not considered payment.”
Actually Jaheira... they can be. If you agreed to preform the actions with the full knowledge that your payment was the figurines.
“Garrick!” Jaheira yelled stopping the singing “Stop providing musical accompaniment to the abominations.” Garrick grumbled about not having much else to do today, but put his lute away. Allowing Jaheira to return her attention to the …err…couple. “Fine you are in love. But now what? Oh dear Gods!” Jaheira’s expression changed to one of pain. She covered her eyes. “Please, please, please say no one is pregnant.”
Xzar shook his head. “Don’t be silly Jaheira, Kobolds are ovaporous, they lay eggs and hatch their young.”
This didn’t seem to improve Jaheira’s mood. Please say there is no ‘clutch’ somewhere.”
No... air... from... laughing... too... much...
Kagain stared at his companions. “Damn you are a bunch of dysfunctional panty wastes.” He went up to the young man and took hold of his ear and began dragging him away from his Kobold fiancée. “You are coming with me. Your folks are worried, the Gods only know why. After you show them your alive then you can tell them about…your love life or you can shut up about it, I don’t care. Just so long as I’m off the hook.”
As he was dragged away the young man shouted his undying love for Betty with the promise to be back with the next caravan.
What misadventures!
#4 Guest_IronDragon_*
Posted 17 November 2007 - 06:25 PM
Xzar pointed to a large diamond shaped sign by the side of the road. It was yellow and had a black silhouette of a man with a drawn bow. A smaller yellow sign below clearly read: ‘BANDIT CROSSING’.[/quote]
I soooo wish they'd had them in-game. Those bandits were really nasty at level 1. [/quote] I guess you will have to speak to the road commissioner for the Western Highlands
[quote][quote]Montaron gave Xzar a shove. “Focus, you great lummox.”
“Oh if I must…”[/quote]
Most of the time Xzar just makes my skin crawl, but this on is oddly funny [/quote]I have never written for Xzar or Montaron before. Well more than a few lines here and there.
This happens with all the characters that take up residence in my head. they all start taking on a life of their own and changing in subtle ways that were probably never intended by the game designers.
Xzar has moved away from sinister to just odd. And I find I actually like Montaron.
[quote][quote]“Have you never smelled Neverwinter at night? Well if you had, you would have known why they need all the potpourri then can get their hands on. Stinks to high heaven.”
Xzar looked puzzled. “I heard that only the ending stunk.”
Kagain frowned. “All a matter of opinion.”[/quote]
Well, the beginning was pretty crappy as well.[/quote] The gerbil that powers my computer is too old to run NW2…so its sitting on a shelf waiting for an upgrade
[quote][quote]Ajantis shook the dice sup. “I just assumed your pouch there held spell component’s. I didn’t realize you had a great game we could play. Oh! Full house!”[/quote]
sup?[/quote] oh darn...fixed
[quote][quote]The young man looked pained for a moment then turned and flung his arms around the kobold drawing it into a tight embrace. “Because I love her!”[/quote]
Eek?
[quote]That usually meant two days and two nights with my scaly lil’ love muffin.” [/quote]
EEK!
[quote]“Two really great days,” Betty said with a wink while making a few rather obscene hip thrusting motions. “It’s great to go human when the flowers are a bloomin.”[/quote]
That was just PAINFUL.[/quote] welll...to each thier own i guess. some people like halflings...in fact we soon get to meet one such person
[quote][quote]“Garrick!” Jaheira yelled stopping the singing “Stop providing musical accompaniment to the abominations.” [/quote]
Oh, and that's very Order of the Stick
I always thought Garrick was very Elan-like, just less likeable [/quote] I can only emulate the high quality and massive quantity of humor Rich Berlew puts out
[quote][quote]“My father,” Khalid began. “He was a wealthy m…merchant Calimshan and my mother one of his slave concubines. F…father never spoke to me or acknowledged my existence before his untimely d…death, assassinated by business rivals.”[/quote]
*pats Khalid*[/quote]I had originally thought to make the early life histories of these people ridiculously tragic. Then I looked them up and fond them to already be ridiculously tragic
[quote]
[quote]Ajantis frowned. “Well I was raised by nannys and tutors as is only proper for a family status. I can safely say my relationship with my parents is excellent. Why even as young child I fondly looked forward to my monthly audience with mumsey and daddy. Yes sir, on the first of every moth they set aside five whole minutes to just be with me.”[/quote]
Wow! It does explain a couple of things... [/quote] quite a few things
OK, I'll continue to read... but please, no more kobold love affairs! (and preferably nothing with tentacles).[/quote]Hmmm…love sick Illithids…hmmmm
Hey thanks for the idea!
#5 Guest_IronDragon_*
Posted 17 November 2007 - 06:31 PM
I’m not sure the bandits agree.
Xzar pointed to a large diamond shaped sign by the side of the road. It was yellow and had a black silhouette of a man with a drawn bow. A smaller yellow sign below clearly read: ‘BANDIT CROSSING’.
Jaheira shook her head in disbelief. “How did such a sign post get there?”
Well, it is good that they warn about the bandits.
Such signs exist all over the United States. Ok they don’t say bandit children but the do announce
“Well I’m sure I don’t know Jaheira. But I do know that behind you is another.”
Jaheira turned to see another large yellow diamond shaped sign. This one had a silhouette of a small boy playing with a ball. A smaller sign below it read ‘SLOW BANDIT CHILDREN AT PLAY’.
Xzar sneered. “Can you imagine a worse sign? Do they really need to be calling attention to this? I am sure that no matter how slow, stupid or dull witted those bandit children might be they must know the sign is referring to them. Why it must be devastating to the little bandit self esteems.”
So only the slow bandit children play there?
“SLOW CHILDREN PLAYING”
which is fuel for endless jokes
“Have you never smelled Neverwinter at night? Well if you had, you would have known why they need all the potpourri then can get their hands on. Stinks to high heaven.”
Xzar looked puzzled. “I heard that only the ending stunk.”
I heard that this mask and betrayer deal is really a lot better.
I’ve seen to many movies recently with just such a scene. People spending several minutes of slow motion time diving in front of bullets and such
“NOOOOOO!!!!” Came a shout from the bushes behind the caravan. A young man leapt from the foliage and began running towards the kobold while continuing to shout. Everyone passed to watch him run at what seemed to be a leisurely pace.
Kagan swore under his breath. “Figures it would be the damn idiot boy.”
“Not to swift is he?” Montaron said monitoring the young man’s progress up the rise.
“N…no he runs rather s…slowly.”
“Not what I meant. It’s obvious we aren’t shooting at anything but he is still running and shouting like some kind of inbreed apple-john.
a mercy killing for who is the question
The young man looked pained for a moment then turned and flung his arms around the kobold drawing it into a tight embrace. “Because I love her!”
Kagain frowned. “It would be easier to tell his parents that he was killed by bandits than try to explain this. I’ll double what I’m paying you to kill him now.”
Heh... might be a mercy...
oh now is no tiem to get logical about this
“I am so.”
Khalid and Montaron raised their bows and took aim.
“Collectable figurines are not considered payment.”
Actually Jaheira... they can be. If you agreed to preform the actions with the full knowledge that your payment was the figurines.
i am glad you were amused
“Garrick!” Jaheira yelled stopping the singing “Stop providing musical accompaniment to the abominations.” Garrick grumbled about not having much else to do today, but put his lute away. Allowing Jaheira to return her attention to the …err…couple. “Fine you are in love. But now what? Oh dear Gods!” Jaheira’s expression changed to one of pain. She covered her eyes. “Please, please, please say no one is pregnant.”
Xzar shook his head. “Don’t be silly Jaheira, Kobolds are ovaporous, they lay eggs and hatch their young.”
This didn’t seem to improve Jaheira’s mood. Please say there is no ‘clutch’ somewhere.”
No... air... from... laughing... too... much...
I can only say I enjoy writing these things immensely
Kagain stared at his companions. “Damn you are a bunch of dysfunctional panty wastes.” He went up to the young man and took hold of his ear and began dragging him away from his Kobold fiancée. “You are coming with me. Your folks are worried, the Gods only know why. After you show them your alive then you can tell them about…your love life or you can shut up about it, I don’t care. Just so long as I’m off the hook.”
As he was dragged away the young man shouted his undying love for Betty with the promise to be back with the next caravan.
What misadventures!
thank you for reading and commenting
#6 Guest_Cel_*
Posted 17 November 2007 - 07:46 PM
“That’s what you said about the last four caravans we’ve found. So pardon me if I don’t hold my breath about this one being the one were looking for.” Kagain’s change into more gender appropriate armor had defiantly soured his mood. However, Jaheira was coming to suspect that ill tempered and taciturn was the best one could hope for from this particular dwarf. In the two days they had been hunting for the caravan, Kagain had found reason to complain about everything from the inflexibility of the ground, “You’d think it was made out of hard packed earth or something.” To the quality of food, “Just because they are called Iron rations doesn’t mean they should taste like metal.” To the coldness of the local streams, “I’m a dwarf, we can’t handle much in the way of shrinkage you know.”
The trip just wouldn't be the same without him!
Xzar pointed to a large diamond shaped sign by the side of the road. It was yellow and had a black silhouette of a man with a drawn bow. A smaller yellow sign below clearly read: ‘BANDIT CROSSING’.
“Well I’m sure I don’t know Jaheira. But I do know that behind you is another.”
Jaheira turned to see another large yellow diamond shaped sign. This one had a silhouette of a small boy playing with a ball. A smaller sign below it read ‘SLOW BANDIT CHILDREN AT PLAY’.
Xzar sneered. “Can you imagine a worse sign? Do they really need to be calling attention to this? I am sure that no matter how slow, stupid or dull witted those bandit children might be they must know the sign is referring to them. Why it must be devastating to the little bandit self esteems.”
“Have you never smelled Neverwinter at night? Well if you had, you would have known why they need all the potpourri then can get their hands on. Stinks to high heaven.”
Xzar looked puzzled. “I heard that only the ending stunk.”
Smartass
Finally, the slow but very vocal young man reached the kobold. He stood bravely in front of it arms outstretched. “You can’t shoot her!”
“N…not s…swift at all.”
Really loved the slow motion running and the waiting
The young man looked pained for a moment then turned and flung his arms around the kobold drawing it into a tight embrace. “Because I love her!”
Kagain frowned. “It would be easier to tell his parents that he was killed by bandits than try to explain this. I’ll double what I’m paying you to kill him now.”
Khalid and Montaron raised their bows with a hearty snap.
Jaheira turned to Kagain. “You are not paying us anything now.”
Khalid and Montaron quickly lowered their bows.
“I am so.”
Khalid and Montaron raised their bows and took aim.
“Collectable figurines are not considered payment.”
Khalid and Montaron lowered their bows.
“They are not just figurines, they are Hummels.”
That whole segment was a pure masterpiece
“Two really great days,” Betty said with a wink while making a few rather obscene hip thrusting motions. “It’s great to go human when the flowers are a bloomin.”
Gaah!
The young couple took each other’s hands and he began to sing, “They say we're young and we don't know. We won't find out until we grow.”
Garrick struck up the tune on his lute and Betty responded, “Well I don't know if all that's true 'Cause you got me, and baby I got you.”
“Babe,” the young man sang.
“I got you babe.” Betty sang back.
“A healthy relationship with one’s parents is essential for becoming a healthy adult. And such relationships are built on trust and honesty.”
The kind of sentence that has to be followed by 'Do as I say, not as I do'
Garrick interrupted any further explanations from Xzar. “My parents never understood my calling to be a bard. They threw me out of their home into the cold cruel world at a terribly young age.”
“How old were you?”
“Twenty eight.”
Kagain stared at his companions. “Damn you are a bunch of dysfunctional panty wastes.” He went up to the young man and took hold of his ear and began dragging him away from his Kobold fiancée. “You are coming with me. Your folks are worried, the Gods only know why. After you show them your alive then you can tell them about…your love life or you can shut up about it, I don’t care. Just so long as I’m off the hook.”
Ah, Kagain
#7 Guest_IronDragon_*
Posted 18 November 2007 - 08:11 PM
I have never really written for evil characters. i am liking it.
“That’s what you said about the last four caravans we’ve found. So pardon me if I don’t hold my breath about this one being the one were looking for.” Kagain’s change into more gender appropriate armor had defiantly soured his mood. However, Jaheira was coming to suspect that ill tempered and taciturn was the best one could hope for from this particular dwarf. In the two days they had been hunting for the caravan, Kagain had found reason to complain about everything from the inflexibility of the ground, “You’d think it was made out of hard packed earth or something.” To the quality of food, “Just because they are called Iron rations doesn’t mean they should taste like metal.” To the coldness of the local streams, “I’m a dwarf, we can’t handle much in the way of shrinkage you know.”
The trip just wouldn't be the same without him!
glad you are amused
“Well I’m sure I don’t know Jaheira. But I do know that behind you is another.”
Jaheira turned to see another large yellow diamond shaped sign. This one had a silhouette of a small boy playing with a ball. A smaller sign below it read ‘SLOW BANDIT CHILDREN AT PLAY’.
Xzar sneered. “Can you imagine a worse sign? Do they really need to be calling attention to this? I am sure that no matter how slow, stupid or dull witted those bandit children might be they must know the sign is referring to them. Why it must be devastating to the little bandit self esteems.”
just trying to stay relevant
“Have you never smelled Neverwinter at night? Well if you had, you would have known why they need all the potpourri then can get their hands on. Stinks to high heaven.”
Xzar looked puzzled. “I heard that only the ending stunk.”
Smartass
i guess i am saying slow motion is overused
Finally, the slow but very vocal young man reached the kobold. He stood bravely in front of it arms outstretched. “You can’t shoot her!”
“N…not s…swift at all.”
Really loved the slow motion running and the waiting
I wrote it while doing laundry. There I was folding towels and thinking about this scene when the whole conversation came to me, verbatim.
Kagain frowned. “It would be easier to tell his parents that he was killed by bandits than try to explain this. I’ll double what I’m paying you to kill him now.”
Khalid and Montaron raised their bows with a hearty snap.
Jaheira turned to Kagain. “You are not paying us anything now.”
Khalid and Montaron quickly lowered their bows.
“I am so.”
Khalid and Montaron raised their bows and took aim.
“Collectable figurines are not considered payment.”
Khalid and Montaron lowered their bows.
“They are not just figurines, they are Hummels.”
That whole segment was a pure masterpiece
You would think this experience would prompt me to do laundry more often. But no…
again. gald you are amused
The young couple took each other’s hands and he began to sing, “They say we're young and we don't know. We won't find out until we grow.”
Garrick struck up the tune on his lute and Betty responded, “Well I don't know if all that's true 'Cause you got me, and baby I got you.”
“Babe,” the young man sang.
“I got you babe.” Betty sang back.
it just seemed like the right age
“A healthy relationship with one’s parents is essential for becoming a healthy adult. And such relationships are built on trust and honesty.”
The kind of sentence that has to be followed by 'Do as I say, not as I do'Garrick interrupted any further explanations from Xzar. “My parents never understood my calling to be a bard. They threw me out of their home into the cold cruel world at a terribly young age.”
“How old were you?”
“Twenty eight.”
As I said, I am enjoying writing evil. Kagain is terribly easy. We have the same basic personality
Kagain stared at his companions. “Damn you are a bunch of dysfunctional panty wastes.” He went up to the young man and took hold of his ear and began dragging him away from his Kobold fiancée. “You are coming with me. Your folks are worried, the Gods only know why. After you show them your alive then you can tell them about…your love life or you can shut up about it, I don’t care. Just so long as I’m off the hook.”
Ah, Kagain
#8 Guest_Theodur_*
Posted 20 November 2007 - 02:56 PM
Xzar pointed to a large diamond shaped sign by the side of the road. It was yellow and had a black silhouette of a man with a drawn bow. A smaller yellow sign below clearly read: ‘BANDIT CROSSING’.
Jaheira shook her head in disbelief. “How did such a sign post get there?”
The bandits were trying to be helpful?
“Well I’m sure I don’t know Jaheira. But I do know that behind you is another.”Jaheira turned to see another large yellow diamond shaped sign. This one had a silhouette of a small boy playing with a ball. A smaller sign below it read ‘SLOW BANDIT CHILDREN AT PLAY’.
There are a lot of such unfortunately named signs… such as the one with the name of a certain little village in Austria, which reads ‘Fucking’.
“Have you never smelled Neverwinter at night? Well if you had, you would have known why they need all the potpourri then can get their hands on. Stinks to high heaven.”
Xzar looked puzzled. “I heard that only the ending stunk.”
Kagain frowned. “All a matter of opinion.”
I have not gotten that far myself, but so far I can’t say it’s as bad as it was made to appear.
Ajantis held up a gauntleted hand. “Wait good friends. Look there, one of the fiendish raiders responsible for this carriage carnage.” On the rise ahead of them was a lone kobold.
“Khalid, Montaron. Shoot it down quickly,” Jaheira ordered.
Aww, but the poor kobold…
The young man looked pained for a moment then turned and flung his arms around the kobold drawing it into a tight embrace. “Because I love her!”
Aww, that’s sweet, if disturbing.
“And you are forgetting I’m throwing in gift certificates for my business for the lot of you.”
Bows up.
“Hardly payment either.”
Bows down.
“Its for a facial, pedicure and full body massage.”
Hmm, massage sounds nice… unless it’s performed by Kagain himself.
Bows up.
“From you.”
Bows down.
Ugh… like I said.
“Maybe later,” Jaheira said quietly as she turned her attention back to the young man and the Kobold. They seemed to be kissing.
“Ewww,” The party said as a group.
Awwww…
“Two really great days,” Betty said with a wink while making a few rather obscene hip thrusting motions. “It’s great to go human when the flowers are a bloomin.”
She seems quite… experienced.
“Garrick!” Jaheira yelled stopping the singing “Stop providing musical accompaniment to the abominations.”
But… but… it was cute!
“Papa? well he drank...” Xzar grunted as he received an elbow in the thigh from Montaron and an elbow in the ribs form Garrick. “Murdered! Murdered right before my eyes. Yes these eyes right here in my head….yes sir. By a man in black.”
Well recovered.
Garrick interrupted any further explanations from Xzar. “My parents never understood my calling to be a bard. They threw me out of their home into the cold cruel world at a terribly young age.”
“How old were you?”
“Twenty eight.”
Noob.
Kagain stared at his companions. “Damn you are a bunch of dysfunctional panty wastes.” He went up to the young man and took hold of his ear and began dragging him away from his Kobold fiancée. “You are coming with me. Your folks are worried, the Gods only know why. After you show them your alive then you can tell them about…your love life or you can shut up about it, I don’t care. Just so long as I’m off the hook.”
Finally Kagain does something befitting of a Dwarf.
#9 Guest_IronDragon_*
Posted 20 November 2007 - 03:14 PM
Or maybe the government of Baldur’s Gate isn’t in such disarray as we have been led to beleiveXzar pointed to a large diamond shaped sign by the side of the road. It was yellow and had a black silhouette of a man with a drawn bow. A smaller yellow sign below clearly read: ‘BANDIT CROSSING’.
Jaheira shook her head in disbelief. “How did such a sign post get there?”
The bandits were trying to be helpful?
Haven’t heard of that one. But I can say I have been to Hell. Hell Michigan.“Well I’m sure I don’t know Jaheira. But I do know that behind you is another.”Jaheira turned to see another large yellow diamond shaped sign. This one had a silhouette of a small boy playing with a ball. A smaller sign below it read ‘SLOW BANDIT CHILDREN AT PLAY’.
There are a lot of such unfortunately named signs… such as the one with the name of a certain little village in Austria, which reads ‘Fucking’.
all matter of opinion“Have you never smelled Neverwinter at night? Well if you had, you would have known why they need all the potpourri then can get their hands on. Stinks to high heaven.”
Xzar looked puzzled. “I heard that only the ending stunk.”
Kagain frowned. “All a matter of opinion.”
I have not gotten that far myself, but so far I can’t say it’s as bad as it was made to appear.
Oh like you don’t shoot kobolds on siteAjantis held up a gauntleted hand. “Wait good friends. Look there, one of the fiendish raiders responsible for this carriage carnage.” On the rise ahead of them was a lone kobold.
“Khalid, Montaron. Shoot it down quickly,” Jaheira ordered.
Aww, but the poor kobold…
love is strange.The young man looked pained for a moment then turned and flung his arms around the kobold drawing it into a tight embrace. “Because I love her!”
Aww, that’s sweet, if disturbing.
It’s a full service mercenary boutique“And you are forgetting I’m throwing in gift certificates for my business for the lot of you.”
Bows up.
“Hardly payment either.”
Bows down.
“Its for a facial, pedicure and full body massage.”
Hmm, massage sounds nice… unless it’s performed by Kagain himself.
its like you can read my mind TheoBows up.
“From you.”
Bows down.
Ugh… like I said.
no...Ewwwww“Maybe later,” Jaheira said quietly as she turned her attention back to the young man and the Kobold. They seemed to be kissing.
“Ewww,” The party said as a group.
Awwww…
that's no way to talk about a lady...or whatever she is“Two really great days,” Betty said with a wink while making a few rather obscene hip thrusting motions. “It’s great to go human when the flowers are a bloomin.”
She seems quite… experienced.
I was having trouble finding stuff for Garrick to do here“Garrick!” Jaheira yelled stopping the singing “Stop providing musical accompaniment to the abominations.”
But… but… it was cute!
he can concentrate. when he has to“Papa? well he drank...” Xzar grunted as he received an elbow in the thigh from Montaron and an elbow in the ribs form Garrick. “Murdered! Murdered right before my eyes. Yes these eyes right here in my head….yes sir. By a man in black.”
Well recovered.
no offense ot anyone still living at home past teh agre of 28...like say SarevokGarrick interrupted any further explanations from Xzar. “My parents never understood my calling to be a bard. They threw me out of their home into the cold cruel world at a terribly young age.”
“How old were you?”
“Twenty eight.”
Noob.
many Dwarves are concered about smooth younger looking skinKagain stared at his companions. “Damn you are a bunch of dysfunctional panty wastes.” He went up to the young man and took hold of his ear and began dragging him away from his Kobold fiancée. “You are coming with me. Your folks are worried, the Gods only know why. After you show them your alive then you can tell them about…your love life or you can shut up about it, I don’t care. Just so long as I’m off the hook.”
Finally Kagain does something befitting of a Dwarf.
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