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Chicken Stroll, Part 6


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#1 Guest_Laufey_and_Ophidia_*

Posted 15 November 2007 - 05:44 PM

In a moment of mad inspiration, Ophidia decided to draw a joint portrait of Dekkie, Andorel, Nalia and Edwin. We've linked to it below, hope you like it!

Chicken Stroll


Part Six

There was another enraged squawk from nearby. Where in the Abyss was he? This looked like some sort of metallic cave. He could see a brighter triangle ahead, with greenish light filtering in from beyond, so he headed for it on wobbly legs that seemed to bend in all the wrong places. He got out through the gap with no further mishaps, and looked up at the toweringly huge trees surrounding him. Behind him was an arc of metal sheeting that curved away from him and formed shapes that seemed strangely familiar to the warrior. It was his armour. Yeah, that made sense, sort of. That meant that the pile of muddy black cloth with a lump moving under it must be...

A black feathered head poked out of the mess of cloth, looking ready to murder something. Black eyes glittered above a sharp and viciously curved beak, and the feathers gleamed with green and purple highlights in the soft woodland light. It tried to look at Andorel with both eyes, then, after some confused head-bobbing, settled for looking at him side-on with one. It made a soft trilling noise in its throat and cocked its head on one side. I…sorta understood that. Cool, I can understand chicken talk!

In reply, he clucked briefly, then bobbed his head, in a way he felt meant 'Yes, it's me, Andorel.' The chicken blinked in surprise at his answer. A head dip, a low cooing, head raised again. Andorel had little difficulty in understand this.

“You understand me?”

“Yep. God knows how. That's you innit, Vaddy?”

“Yes.” Dekaras replied shortly, then finally got free of the tangle of clothes by ripping them open with his claws. He continued ripping at the clothing once he was free, until it was nothing but shreds. “This...”

But before he could finish his sentance, a net dropped down over them both, and they were hoisted up into the sky.

***


The nightmare clearly wasn't about to end any time soon, Dekaras decided. First, he had woken up to find himself transformed into...into this. A chicken. A bloody CHICKEN! Then, after the initial confusion, he had discovered that he was, in fact, a chicken with a monstrous hangover. A chicken with a hangover and still suffering from loss of blood. A Bhaalspawn chicken with a hangover, suffering from loss of blood, and being entangled in his own ruined clothes. None of these things did anything to improve his disposition, and the one good thing that could be said for his current body was that it had several inbuilt sharp bits, admirably suited for taking out frustrations on inanimate objects. Even better, on animate ones. If it hadn't been for the net, the men who had come to fetch the two new chickens would undoubtedly have lost some blood themselves, perhaps even an eye or an ear.

As it was, Dekaras found that he was completely tangled up, not just with the net itself, but with Andorel as well. Try as he might, there was no way for him to get loose. Also, the world felt completely wrong - everything was far larger than normal, he was still trying to cope with having one eye on each side of his head, and with his legs bending the wrong way. He couldn't even see the attackers properly - only glimpse vague impressions of towering shapes. In short order, the two shocked chickens were bundled into a cage with some straw on the bottom, and loaded onto a cart. Perhaps it was even the same one that had carried Edwin off, but this time they were the only avians around.

For a few minutes, they just sat there, staring incredulously at each other. Dekaras couldn't help noticing that Andorel was unusually large for a chicken - almost turkey sized. The former half-orc looked decidedly...odd. His brown feathers were ruffled and disorderly, his tail stuck straight into the air in a peculiar fan-like shape, and his head-crest hung lopsidedly across his left eye. Also, it was green. I suppose that makes sense, Dekaras thought, with an eerie calm that he knew was due to shock. He is...he was a half-orc, with brown blood rather than red, so logically that would... Then he checked himself. He did not want to think too hard about the details of chicken-hood. He feared he would have to deal with them soon enough anyway.

As he had turned around, he had caught sight of something trailing along behind him. Feathers. Long, black, sweeping tail-feathers. So, I have a pretty tail. Isn't that nice. I may even win a 'Prime Poultry' competition. Assuming we don't get chopped up and tossed into a pot first. And it's all my fault too. I knew there was something wrong with there being no guards in that place...they must have set the curse on us earlier and known it would take effect soon. If only...if only I hadn't been stupid enough to miss such an obvious trap, not to mention drink Andorel's elderberry juice...

Andorel chose that moment to speak up, in a slightly shaky, but still annoyingly cheerful voice. “Whoa, Vaddy. How's this for a night on the town, eh?” Dekaras didn't bother to reply. He merely fixed Andorel with a one-eyed glare. Andorel fluffed up his feathers, then settled them again, completely unabashed. “Well, you did wanna find Nalia and Eddie. I guess we'll catch up with them soon enough. Hey, do you s'pose I can fly?” Andorel started to flap his wings energetically, blowing bits of straw at the startled assassin.

“Even if you could...will you stop that, Andorel...there is no way you could get airborne within the confines of this cage. Any flight requires some kind of acceleration to achieve lift. I don't believe chickens can fly in any case.”

“They can!” Andorel protested. “People always say that, but I can remember chasing chickens as a kid. Sure, they don't go far, but they can take off for a bit. I used to feed 'em. They even sit in trees, sometimes.” He sighed, making an odd whistling noise. “I liked looking after the chickens. Chickens are nice.”

“Well, it is comforting to know that I am travelling with an expert.” Dekaras said sourly. “It makes me feel far more confident about our future.”

“Ah, stop being such a miserable bastard!”

“Miserable, am I?” Dekaras snapped, rising to his unsteady clawed feet. “In case you hadn't noticed, we are currently trapped in a cage, on our way to both destinations and destinies unknown. Has it occured to you that male chickens, deprived of the ability to lay eggs, are only useful for the cook-pot? I do not wish to be baked, grilled, roasted or poached, and if anyone approaches me with a plant even remotely resembling sage or onion, they are going to shortly miss an eyeball!”

Andorel looked at him in fascination. “Do y'know that your head crest rises when you get angry?”

“No?” Dekaras said, curious despite himself. He tried to crane his eyes upwards, but attempting to see the top of his own head was just as futile in chicken shape as it would have been as a human. He was vaguely distracted by a relentless, scraping sound that grated in his ears. “Really?”

“Yup. Oh, and you wanna watch your claws...don't wanna break them off.”

“Excuse me?” Andorel made a bobbing gesture with his feathered head towards the floor, and Dekaras cocked his head to the side so he could see his own feet properly. His feet, which ended in long, curved, and viciously sharp claws, had truly wicked-looking spurs in the back. In his frustration, he had been grating the claws on his right foot against the floor of the cage, scratching long white grooves in the wood. It wouldn't be enough to break out though. “Ah. Yes, you have a point. One should always take proper care of one's weapons, until the time comes when they may be used.” This time around, he could feel the head crest rising. “A time that I sincerely look forward to, I might add.”

“So,” Andorel asked, shaking his flopping head crest out of his eye. “Do ya think we should jump them as soon as they open the cage or what? Take 'em by surprise?”

Dekaras hesitated, and as he sometimes did when thinking, he started pacing. The sweeping tail feathers behind him were a bit of an annoyance though...he still wasn't used to those. And I hope I never will be. “It may be our best chance at escape, yes. But I think it has to depend on how many humans are present outside our cage as it is opened. If the odds seem too bad, we may be better off waiting. After all, there is still Edwin and Nalia to consider - we must stay alive in order to reach them.”

“Guess so,” Andorel readily agreed. He settled down with no visible sign of concern, and started preening his chest feathers. After a while, he looked up. “Vaddy?”

“Yes, Andorel?”

“Well, I'm a chicken now, right?”

“Yes?”

“And...uh...Nalia's a chicken, right?”

“Yes?” Andorel's chin pouches were an even brighter green than his head crest, and right now they were quivering nervously. “Er...what do ya think lady chickens look for in a gent chicken? Think they might like a big an' really strong one? One with...uh...unusual colouring?”

Dekaras was just on the verge of telling him that he had no idea about the mating preferences of chickens and had absolutely no desire to learn anything about them, but then he noticed the pleading look in the round eye turned towards him. “Well,” he said. “I haven't met the Lady Nalia yet, so I could not presume to know about her tastes...”

“I didn't say anythin' 'bout her!”

“No, no. Of course not. My mistake. Then, I would say that lady chickens probably have varied tastes, much like human females.” Dekaras closed his eyes momentarily, trying not to think about the fact that he was giving relationship advice to a chicken. “It may be that you simply have not met the...right hen yet. But once you do, she will like your colouring just fine, I am sure.”

“Yeah, guess so.” Andorel scratched his beak. “Guess we've just gotta lot to learn. You're good at that learning stuff, though. You'll be ok.” Dekaras pondered this odd remark for a few seconds, then realised that Andorel was trying to make him feel better. He opened his beak to reply, when their cage jolted. He found himself automatically stretching his wings to keep his balance. There were various thuds and clangs, and a low rumbling noise outside. Dekaras quickly realised that the rumbling noises was human speech- his avian ears did not have the neccessary range to understand it. Perfect. I can speak chicken, but the trade-off is losing the ability to understand human. He peered through their bars to try and see what was happening.

***


“Good Gods, take a look at these two!” Grat said, as he unloaded another sack of chicken feed.

“That's one mean looking bird there.” His companion, Thom, replied. “It'd gouge your eyes out soon as look at you, that one.”

“Glad we don't have to handle them. That other one's even weirder. Is it even a chicken?”

“Seems to like you. It's been staring at you ever since we uncovered it.”

“Yeah, I get on well with animals, always have.” Grat replied, idly scratching his green chin.

Thom snorted. “Like that makes a difference. If those were real roosters, they'd have torn each other apart by now.”

“What kind of sick person wants to eat a transformed human?”

“The kind who pays our wages, right?”

“The kind who thinks up this idea to start with. Never trust a wild mage who had a ‘rest cure’ in Spellhold.”

“What's worse, do you think, eating the eggs of those chickens, or eating the chickens themselves?”

“Who gives a damn? She pays well. Now, come on, let's get them unloaded before she docks our wages again.”

Thom eyed the chickens warily. The deformed one still hadn't taken its eyes off Grat, but the black one eyed him in a way he really didn't like, as if it was deciding between giving him a slow, painful death, or a quick, efficient one.

“You can unload them, I'll take the corn.”

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