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Beloved Child 42


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#1 Guest_Futurist_*

Posted 02 May 2007 - 01:22 PM

Here is the new chapter… a little early as I said. Not the best chapter ever and the next one actually take place mostly on Brynnlaw. Finally!

Well, now I am heading over the hills and far away!

Beloved Child 42

Saemon Havarian was a generally untrustworthy character or so both Aran Linvail and Sime told the party. This was the reason Sime would accompany them on the journey to Brynnlaw but most likely the shadow master wanted to keep an eye on the party as well. Havarian`s ship, the newly renamed “Galante” was according to its captain, a fine and comfortable vessel. Havarian did not lie and the party’s accommodations onboard where not bad.

Havarian had protested about Sime but the shadow master would not be swayed. Saemon had also smilingly informed them that his crew was a boisterous lot but that the cook was blessed by the gods. When they where onboard and had been shown to their rooms, Havarian informed them that the voyage would take about two days.

**

Groder felt restless and had wandered the ship, his ribs still hurt but they did not stop him from moving about. Returning to his cabin that he shared with Haer`Dalis and Yoshimo, he found Hiranmayi there. The girl was kneeling, palms held together in front of her. Groder sat down on a bed. The girl’s face was a mask of concentration and her lips moved without making a sound.

“What are you doing?” The boy asked.

Hiranmayi popped an eye open and looked at him.

“Praying for a mother and father I never met.” She responded. “Their spirits will hear my voice.” The girl continued when she saw Groder’s confused face.

“Does that work?” He asked and smiled slightly.

The girl nodded but remained on the floor, now having turned her full attention to the boy.

“Maybe you should try it.” She said.

“If Gorion was being mutilated in some hell then maybe it would have been worth some gloating.” Groder responded.

Hiranmayi cocked her head to side and raised a curious dark eyebrow. It had happened without the boy knowing it; his face had twisted itself into a mask of hate.

“Oh, yes… The man I called father… liar and pretender more like it. And the whore? I will not waste my breath on her” He went on. The boy had begun holding out a hand in front of him face and the fingers twitched.

“You mother was a streetwalker?” Hiranmayi asked.

“Uh… what?” Groder was surprised by the question then shook his head. “No, no I mean in a general sense. She was a deceitful harpy.” Groder went on unconsciously of the fact that he did so. “How the hell did she even dare…?”

Hiranmayi was reminded of a thing her teacher had told her and the others once. Vikram had likened Ganishuka to a dark room that you where thrown into naked and alone. There he killed you, not with spells, not with weapons but with your own mind. There were always things that could be turned against you and she realized that this may be one such thing. A raw nerve for Ganishuka to use. She inhaled slowly, there would be deaths before that came to pass.

**

The smell of the sea and the gentle sounds of wood creaking was everywhere. Jaheira stood by the railing on The Galante`s deck. Spellhold was very near now and she pondered what would come afterwards. Khalid would be avenged but still gone, a piece of her missing. Irenicus death would not bring closure but it was something that needed to be done. There was Imoen, whom she would take with her if the girl wanted and there was Groder, Gorion`s ward who hated his foster father for seemingly no reason. Their relationship was adversarial at best and this was an alliance of connivance if nothing else. He would walk down his paths in the end and she hers. There had been some surprises thought. Viconia had proven to not be the person Jaheira assumed the Drow was. Had someone told her a year ago that she would have something the almost resembled a friendship with the woman, she would have questioned their sanity. Once they where done with Spellhold however, there where things that would end.

**

Yoshimo sighed as he watched Nalia sleeping. They had found out pretty quickly that the young noble easily got seasick. The Kara-Turan fished a small bag up from one of his pockets. The ground up herbs would go into the party’s meals tomorrow making it easy for Irenicus to subdue them. How could that arrogant little murderer even think that Spellhold would have held Irenicus captive? Groder thought it would be an easy kill, it would not be so. Again the bounty hunter sighed and looked at Nalia. He should have prevented her from coming, made her sick maybe. He would not be able to defy Irenicus and had to place his hopes on the fact that the mage would not care one whit about Groder`s companions. It was a very meagre hope.

**

Viconia stretched out lazily on the bed. Another adventure was coming to a close and it did not bother the cleric one bit. She had to admit was not entirely adverse to the adventuring business but it was neither something she relished. Excitement was good but the Drow desired other things; A place to call her own and to be left alone. It was only the desire to live, despite the shadow of her brother and the bitch queen of spiders. Valas seemed to intrude more on her mind these days, she didn’t really know why. Viconia lazily looked over to the other occupant of the room. They had crammed her, Jaheira and Sime into one cabin. The thief was sitting on a bed, fiddling with her tools. The thief did not seem to enjoy the sea voyage. Sime had also turned down Vilonia’s courteous offer for companionship and told her to go off and fiddle with Groder if she wanted to “have fun”. Viconia yawned, it was not really the time for that yet, and her position in the party was secure enough. She knew she had to be alert though, who knew what would happen after they had arrived at their destination.

**

Haer`Dalis drummed his fingers on the reeling. This little play was seemingly coming to a close and there was another play that seemed to have been perpetually delayed. Raelis had not been pleased but accepted that Groder had his own path and that Haer`Dalis had to follow. The leader of their troupe also wanted deliver one last experience to the people of Athkatla so they would wait and try to mask their presence from the Cambions hounds. The fates pulled and twisted, it would be interesting to see where the Raven would land and if they had shared something when he did.

**

The party stood on the deck after enjoying a fine meal. Havarian had mot lied about his cook. Even Nalia seemed better after eating. There was a steady cool sea breeze and the gentle roll of water striking the ship’s hull. Havarian made his smiling way over to them. The smile seemed to be a permanent fixture on the blonde man’s face.

“I trust everything is in order?” He asked.

“So far...” Sime replied curtly.

“Captain!” The lookout suddenly yelled. “There is a ship approaching straight from starboard side!”

“Are you drunk?” Saemon yelled back and waved a fist at the man high above. “The only wind here is the one we have in our sails!”

“Just take a look, captain!” Came the reply.

Saemon looked and there was indeed a dark vessel that grew steadily larger. As the vessel grew in size, its dark wooden frame could be easily spotted. The front of the approaching ship was a gaping demon maw. A lone figure stood at the helm and had its arms outstretched.

“He comes…” Hiranmayi said.

“Friends of yours?” Saemon asked nervously and then yelled. “Lads! Get ready for a fight!”

The black ship approached fast, its sails full of a wind that did not blow. The demon face on the front of the ship seemed to move. Opening its jaws wider. Wood groaned as the maw on the black ship opened wider. Shouts of surprise came from The Galantes crew. The large wooden teeth sank into the side of The Galante, holding the ship in place. A shambling horde of zombies crawled from the hull of the black ship to the Galante. The groaning mass heaved itself over the railings and entered skirmish with the crew.

“You adventuring types get over there and make that thing let us go!” Havarian called. “And burn it if you have the time!”

The melee with the dark clad killers and white clad neophytes was furious but Groder had the time to notice Yoshimo delivering a deadly blow to the woman that had knocked him out the first time they encountered the assassins. He also noticed despite the din and action that Hiranmayi was missing. The youth shook of the distracting thoughts and committed himself to the fight. As he cut one of the assassins down, he spotted Ganishuka standing a bit away, observing. A fireball hurled passed the old man and exploded when it met the furthermost mast. The flames began slowly spreading. The assassins amd cultists where few and behind them on the Galante, Havarian and his crew was dealing with the zombies.

Ganishuka stepped towards them. The party fanned out, weapons at the ready. Magical protection shimmered around them.

“You have killed my followers, delayed me significantly and interfered with my revenge. I will kill all of you.” His voice was flat; he could have been instructing them in how to use a fork.

“What? No suffering of agonies or anything like that?” Groder asked in a burst of rather false bravado.

The old man smiled a thin smile.

“The agonies you will feel will make you wish I had truly taken your lives. I shall kill you with you all as my weapon. You will learn how a personality can die.”

Groder was bewildered, he did not understand what Ganishuka meant yet an animal fear began overtaking him.

“I shall show you what it is to lay bare a person, to make her naked before herself and the world. To pluck at the nerves of their being and utterly ending them.” He regarded them all with his dead orbs and then pointed at Groder.

“Boy… shall I pluck at the root of your anger and misery? Show it to them.” He swept a hand at the party. “You like the elf, yes? She invades you dreams being pleasantly inviting? What would you think, I wonder you who so loved a brother if I revealed the truth of the boys existence to you?”

Both Viconia and Groder reacted as if they had been hit.

“How…” Viconia growled.

“Tell me, keeper of your brother why you could not even look him in the eye should he appear before you today? How could you possibly remain the good sister in his eyes hmm?” Ganishuka had fixed Viconia with his eyes that now seemed omnipotent.

“The core of your being shakes at the thought of standing on your own feet and it makes your fondest wish the dream of a fool. Even your hope turned to dust long ago!”

“You cannot possibly be making judgements about any of us!” Jaheira said angrily.

“Convenience is you dress orphan.” The old sorcerer said. “Confusing justice for vengeance and vengeance for justice. Using your dead husband as justification when the seed for his abandonment and betrayal lies within you.” Ganishuka chuckled. “What if the boy had been different…?”

Jaheira had no time to answer as a figure darted passed the party and launched itself at Ganishuka. Hiranmayi flew at the old man and levelled a kick at his head. The old man stepped back, more agile then one would have guessed. Ganishuka laughed.

“One of Vikram`s little ones comes to fight me, I can smell the boy on you. I wonder what Vikram can offer that I cannot.” He asked.

Hiranmayi half crouched, the katars in front of her.

“Humanity, old man thunder, humanity.” She answered her eyes never leaving his.

Ganishuka barked laughter.

“Good answer, little one. But that will not save you.”

Ganishuka walked backwards slowly, narrowly avoiding Hiranmayi`s slices. The girl was halted by Jaya whom grabbed the girl’s ankles and held her. The old sorcerer let lose a string of small red orbs that crashed into Hiranmayi forcing her backwards with each hit. Ganishuka stepped forward and took a step over his daughter. Behind him the fires had spread quickly, consuming the back of the dark ship. The old man looked down at Jaya.

“You did good daughter.” He said.

The dying woman’s face lit up with joy and that way she passed from life. The old man raked his dead black orbs from side to side.

“Twice you have foiled me now. Killed my followers, burned my ship.” He said slowly. “Allow me to dissuade you of the opinion that you have won or will do so” He spoke words in a rapid succession, his eyes dilated and became like a cats. The man lunged faster then Hiranmayi had time to react. She brought her Katars to bear but the man snatched up pne of her arms. Ganishuka bent it to an odd angle and there was an audible crack. Hiranmayi yelped.

“Do not toy with angry gods.” The sorcerer growled.

There was a loud crash of wood imploding and the ship began to slowly tip back. The maw let go of the Galante to the cheering of that ships crew.

“You might want to get off the sinking ship!” Havarian yelled to the party as he was pushing to remains of a zombie overboard. “Linvail won`t be good for my health if you are at the bottom of the ocean!”

Hiranmayi was still held by Ganishuka and used her free hand to drive her remaining katar into the old man`s side. The old sorcerer did not even react.

“Go!” Hiranmayi shouted at the party. “Even a wounded tiger is dangerous.” Then she looked at Groder. “Go, little sister! We shall meet again in the city!”

“Fool…” Ganishuka ground out and clamped down a hand on Hiranmayi`s head. “I will live in your memory forever boy! Your`s nor hers is the victory here.” He addressed Hiranmayi as the deck beagn cracking open. ”Come little one, we go to the mountains of my birth.”

As the party scrambled over the dark ships reeling Groder cast one last glance back. Hiranmayi waved and Ganishuka mouthed the word "forever” at him before flames tore them from his vision.

#2 Guest_Cel_*

Posted 02 May 2007 - 08:17 PM

“Praying for a mother and father I never met.” She responded. “Their spirits will hear my voice.” The girl continued when she saw Groder’s confused face.


Poor girl :(

Hiranmayi was reminded of a thing her teacher had told her and the others once. Vikram had likened Ganishuka to a dark room that you where thrown into naked and alone. There he killed you, not with spells, not with weapons but with your own mind. There were always things that could be turned against you and she realized that this may be one such thing. A raw nerve for Ganishuka to use. She inhaled slowly, there would be deaths before that came to pass.


Groder definitely has oodles of stuff inside to turn against him! And some of it he's already using on himself :(

Yoshimo sighed as he watched Nalia sleeping. They had found out pretty quickly that the young noble easily got seasick. The Kara-Turan fished a small bag up from one of his pockets. The ground up herbs would go into the party’s meals tomorrow making it easy for Irenicus to subdue them. How could that arrogant little murderer even think that Spellhold would have held Irenicus captive? Groder thought it would be an easy kill, it would not be so. Again the bounty hunter sighed and looked at Nalia. He should have prevented her from coming, made her sick maybe. He would not be able to defy Irenicus and had to place his hopes on the fact that the mage would not care one whit about Groder`s companions. It was a very meagre hope.


This is why a geas should never ever be entered lightly :(

“You have killed my followers, delayed me significantly and interfered with my revenge. I will kill all of you.” His voice was flat; he could have been instructing them in how to use a fork.


He should get along splendidly with Irenicus.

“Tell me, keeper of your brother why you could not even look him in the eye should he appear before you today? How could you possibly remain the good sister in his eyes hmm?” Ganishuka had fixed Viconia with his eyes that now seemed omnipotent.


Actually, he'd probably get bored with Irenicus, seeing as there would be no real emotions to pry at.

Ganishuka walked backwards slowly, narrowly avoiding Hiranmayi`s slices. The girl was halted by Jaya whom grabbed the girl’s ankles and held her. The old sorcerer let lose a string of small red orbs that crashed into Hiranmayi forcing her backwards with each hit. Ganishuka stepped forward and took a step over his daughter. Behind him the fires had spread quickly, consuming the back of the dark ship. The old man looked down at Jaya.

“You did good daughter.” He said.

The dying woman’s face lit up with joy and that way she passed from life. The old man raked his dead black orbs from side to side.


...why did she die?

As the party scrambled over the dark ships reeling Groder cast one last glance back. Hiranmayi waved and Ganishuka mouthed the word "forever” at him before flames tore them from his vision.


So now he's got two villains to pursue. He must be thrilled.

#3 Guest_Theodur_*

Posted 03 May 2007 - 06:58 AM

Havarian had protested about Sime but the shadow master would not be swayed. Saemon had also smilingly informed them that his crew was a boisterous lot but that the cook was blessed by the gods.


Hopefully not by Talona, or Cyric.

“If Gorion was being mutilated in some hell then maybe it would have been worth some gloating.” Groder responded.


Ahahaha, not bitter at all… but no, Gorion probably enjoys a nice and restful afterlife, while the mutilation in hell is likely reserved for Groder… :lol:

Hiranmayi was reminded of a thing her teacher had told her and the others once. Vikram had likened Ganishuka to a dark room that you where thrown into naked and alone. There he killed you, not with spells, not with weapons but with your own mind. There were always things that could be turned against you and she realized that this may be one such thing. A raw nerve for Ganishuka to use. She inhaled slowly, there would be deaths before that came to pass.


Well, I guess he doesn’t know Groder’s family history, does he?

Yoshimo sighed as he watched Nalia sleeping. They had found out pretty quickly that the young noble easily got seasick. The Kara-Turan fished a small bag up from one of his pockets. The ground up herbs would go into the party’s meals tomorrow making it easy for Irenicus to subdue them. How could that arrogant little murderer even think that Spellhold would have held Irenicus captive? Groder thought it would be an easy kill, it would not be so. Again the bounty hunter sighed and looked at Nalia. He should have prevented her from coming, made her sick maybe. He would not be able to defy Irenicus and had to place his hopes on the fact that the mage would not care one whit about Groder`s companions. It was a very meagre hope.


Not to mention that she would hate your guts after learning what you have done…

The party stood on the deck after enjoying a fine meal. Havarian had mot lied about his cook. Even Nalia seemed better after eating. There was a steady cool sea breeze and the gentle roll of water striking the ship’s hull. Havarian made his smiling way over to them. The smile seemed to be a permanent fixture on the blonde man’s face.


Never trust a smiling git, I say. :lol:

Saemon looked and there was indeed a dark vessel that grew steadily larger. As the vessel grew in size, its dark wooden frame could be easily spotted. The front of the approaching ship was a gaping demon maw. A lone figure stood at the helm and had its arms outstretched.


“He comes…” Hiranmayi said.


He does like dramatic entrance, doesn’t he?

The black ship approached fast, its sails full of a wind that did not blow. The demon face on the front of the ship seemed to move. Opening its jaws wider. Wood groaned as the maw on the black ship opened wider. Shouts of surprise came from The Galantes crew. The large wooden teeth sank into the side of The Galante, holding the ship in place. A shambling horde of zombies crawled from the hull of the black ship to the Galante. The groaning mass heaved itself over the railings and entered skirmish with the crew.


Impressive! :lol:

“You have killed my followers, delayed me significantly and interfered with my revenge. I will kill all of you.” His voice was flat; he could have been instructing them in how to use a fork.


Somewhat reminiscent of Irenicus as well.

“I shall show you what it is to lay bare a person, to make her naked before herself and the world. To pluck at the nerves of their being and utterly ending them.” He regarded them all with his dead orbs and then pointed at Groder.


Hmm, I am sort of intrigued to see how he would do that… :lol:

“Tell me, keeper of your brother why you could not even look him in the eye should he appear before you today? How could you possibly remain the good sister in his eyes hmm?” Ganishuka had fixed Viconia with his eyes that now seemed omnipotent.


Just how can he know all of these things? :?:

“Go!” Hiranmayi shouted at the party. “Even a wounded tiger is dangerous.” Then she looked at Groder. “Go, little sister! We shall meet again in the city!”


Little… sister? Hmm… sort of confusing. I also missed earlier at which point Ganishuka’s daughter died – she suddenly just seemed to turn up dying.

As the party scrambled over the dark ships reeling Groder cast one last glance back. Hiranmayi waved and Ganishuka mouthed the word "forever” at him before flames tore them from his vision.


Well, that was all rather scary. Will he be back? :lol:

#4 Guest_Ananke_*

Posted 03 May 2007 - 09:30 AM

Sigh. I don't have much time now, I'm afraid, but...

This time, I'm having mixed feelings about this chapter, I'm afraid. :lol: I like the first part - and I can't not appreciate this sentence:

There was Imoen, whom she would take with her if the girl wanted and there was Groder, Gorion`s ward who hated his foster father for seemingly no reason.


You've written both 'who' and 'whom', and both are correct. :lol: Since I've been harpying about this... Know that the effort to improve is appreciate in these quarters. :?: :lol:

That said... The last part - the fight scene... It has the makings of a great scene. Ganishuka's truths about Viconia and Jaheira are great; I always love it when villains tell/twist truths instead of lying. :lol:

But there are some points of it which are really unclear and confusing to read. Theodur mentioned the two major ones... It just feels as if that scene needed a bit more work to... well, work. :lol:

(I hope you don't mind my telling you that. :lol:)

#5 Guest_Futurist_*

Posted 03 May 2007 - 05:25 PM


“Praying for a mother and father I never met.” She responded. “Their spirits will hear my voice.” The girl continued when she saw Groder’s confused face.


Poor girl :lol:


Well, to her it may be more ritual then anything else...


Hiranmayi was reminded of a thing her teacher had told her and the others once. Vikram had likened Ganishuka to a dark room that you where thrown into naked and alone. There he killed you, not with spells, not with weapons but with your own mind. There were always things that could be turned against you and she realized that this may be one such thing. A raw nerve for Ganishuka to use. She inhaled slowly, there would be deaths before that came to pass.


Groder definitely has oodles of stuff inside to turn against him! And some of it he's already using on himself :lol:


Yeah, which is a part of his problem.


Yoshimo sighed as he watched Nalia sleeping. They had found out pretty quickly that the young noble easily got seasick. The Kara-Turan fished a small bag up from one of his pockets. The ground up herbs would go into the party’s meals tomorrow making it easy for Irenicus to subdue them. How could that arrogant little murderer even think that Spellhold would have held Irenicus captive? Groder thought it would be an easy kill, it would not be so. Again the bounty hunter sighed and looked at Nalia. He should have prevented her from coming, made her sick maybe. He would not be able to defy Irenicus and had to place his hopes on the fact that the mage would not care one whit about Groder`s companions. It was a very meagre hope.


This is why a geas should never ever be entered lightly :lol:


He never expected to fall in love...


“You have killed my followers, delayed me significantly and interfered with my revenge. I will kill all of you.” His voice was flat; he could have been instructing them in how to use a fork.


He should get along splendidly with Irenicus.


They kind of want the same thing so not really...


“Tell me, keeper of your brother why you could not even look him in the eye should he appear before you today? How could you possibly remain the good sister in his eyes hmm?” Ganishuka had fixed Viconia with his eyes that now seemed omnipotent.


Actually, he'd probably get bored with Irenicus, seeing as there would be no real emotions to pry at.


And Irenicus is the competiton...


Ganishuka walked backwards slowly, narrowly avoiding Hiranmayi`s slices. The girl was halted by Jaya whom grabbed the girl’s ankles and held her. The old sorcerer let lose a string of small red orbs that crashed into Hiranmayi forcing her backwards with each hit. Ganishuka stepped forward and took a step over his daughter. Behind him the fires had spread quickly, consuming the back of the dark ship. The old man looked down at Jaya.

“You did good daughter.” He said.

The dying woman’s face lit up with joy and that way she passed from life. The old man raked his dead black orbs from side to side.


...why did she die?


Because being the genius that I am, I accidentally removed the line where she got struck… :?:


As the party scrambled over the dark ships reeling Groder cast one last glance back. Hiranmayi waved and Ganishuka mouthed the word "forever” at him before flames tore them from his vision.


So now he's got two villains to pursue. He must be thrilled.


Maybe....

#6 Guest_Futurist_*

Posted 03 May 2007 - 05:34 PM

[quote][quote]Havarian had protested about Sime but the shadow master would not be swayed. Saemon had also smilingly informed them that his crew was a boisterous lot but that the cook was blessed by the gods. [/quote]

Hopefully not by Talona, or Cyric.
[/quote]

Heh... no, it is the good gods of cooking! :lol:

[quote]
[quote]“If Gorion was being mutilated in some hell then maybe it would have been worth some gloating.” Groder responded. [/quote]

Ahahaha, not bitter at all… but no, Gorion probably enjoys a nice and restful afterlife, while the mutilation in hell is likely reserved for Groder… :lol:
[/quote]

Of course... but his death is so far away.

[quote]
[quote]Hiranmayi was reminded of a thing her teacher had told her and the others once. Vikram had likened Ganishuka to a dark room that you where thrown into naked and alone. There he killed you, not with spells, not with weapons but with your own mind. There were always things that could be turned against you and she realized that this may be one such thing. A raw nerve for Ganishuka to use. She inhaled slowly, there would be deaths before that came to pass. [/quote]

Well, I guess he doesn’t know Groder’s family history, does he?
[/quote]

That depends on which part you mean?

[quote]
[quote]Yoshimo sighed as he watched Nalia sleeping. They had found out pretty quickly that the young noble easily got seasick. The Kara-Turan fished a small bag up from one of his pockets. The ground up herbs would go into the party’s meals tomorrow making it easy for Irenicus to subdue them. How could that arrogant little murderer even think that Spellhold would have held Irenicus captive? Groder thought it would be an easy kill, it would not be so. Again the bounty hunter sighed and looked at Nalia. He should have prevented her from coming, made her sick maybe. He would not be able to defy Irenicus and had to place his hopes on the fact that the mage would not care one whit about Groder`s companions. It was a very meagre hope.[/quote]

Not to mention that she would hate your guts after learning what you have done…
[/quote]

Neither Nalia nor Yoshimo is going to have a very happy time at Spellhold.

[quote]
[quote]The party stood on the deck after enjoying a fine meal. Havarian had mot lied about his cook. Even Nalia seemed better after eating. There was a steady cool sea breeze and the gentle roll of water striking the ship’s hull. Havarian made his smiling way over to them. The smile seemed to be a permanent fixture on the blonde man’s face. [/quote]

Never trust a smiling git, I say. :lol:
[/quote]

And good advice it is... He gets you into so much trouble...

[quote]
[quote]Saemon looked and there was indeed a dark vessel that grew steadily larger. As the vessel grew in size, its dark wooden frame could be easily spotted. The front of the approaching ship was a gaping demon maw. A lone figure stood at the helm and had its arms outstretched. [/quote]

"He comes…” Hiranmayi said.
[/quote]


He does like dramatic entrance, doesn’t he?
[/quote]

Well, what else are you going to do with a huge demonic ship. 8)

[quote]
[quote]The black ship approached fast, its sails full of a wind that did not blow. The demon face on the front of the ship seemed to move. Opening its jaws wider. Wood groaned as the maw on the black ship opened wider. Shouts of surprise came from The Galantes crew. The large wooden teeth sank into the side of The Galante, holding the ship in place. A shambling horde of zombies crawled from the hull of the black ship to the Galante. The groaning mass heaved itself over the railings and entered skirmish with the crew.
[/quote]

Impressive! :lol:
[/quote]

Ganishuka: Isn`t it?

[quote]
[quote]“You have killed my followers, delayed me significantly and interfered with my revenge. I will kill all of you.” His voice was flat; he could have been instructing them in how to use a fork. [/quote]

Somewhat reminiscent of Irenicus as well.
[/quote]

Although Ganishuka has more emotion and dare I say it... soul. :lol:

[quote]
[quote]“I shall show you what it is to lay bare a person, to make her naked before herself and the world. To pluck at the nerves of their being and utterly ending them.” He regarded them all with his dead orbs and then pointed at Groder. [/quote]

Hmm, I am sort of intrigued to see how he would do that… :lol:
[/quote]

Psyonics is his friend.

[quote]
[quote]
“Tell me, keeper of your brother why you could not even look him in the eye should he appear before you today? How could you possibly remain the good sister in his eyes hmm?” Ganishuka had fixed Viconia with his eyes that now seemed omnipotent. [/quote]

Just how can he know all of these things? :?:
[/quote]

Psyonics although it has been awhile since I read that rulebook.

[quote]
[quote]“Go!” Hiranmayi shouted at the party. “Even a wounded tiger is dangerous.” Then she looked at Groder. “Go, little sister! We shall meet again in the city!”[/quote]

Little… sister? Hmm… sort of confusing. I also missed earlier at which point Ganishuka’s daughter died – she suddenly just seemed to turn up dying.
[/quote]

Because being the genius that I am, I accidentally removed the line where she got struck… :lol:

Hiranmayi referred to Groder as little sister when she was fooling around with him.

[quote]
[quote]As the party scrambled over the dark ships reeling Groder cast one last glance back. Hiranmayi waved and Ganishuka mouthed the word "forever” at him before flames tore them from his vision.[/quote]

Well, that was all rather scary. Will he be back? :D[/quote]

Ganishuka does not believe that the third time is a charm... he will explain himself however.

#7 Guest_Futurist_*

Posted 03 May 2007 - 05:38 PM

Sigh. I don't have much time now, I'm afraid, but...

This time, I'm having mixed feelings about this chapter, I'm afraid. :lol: I like the first part - and I can't not appreciate this sentence:


Don`t worry about.

There was Imoen, whom she would take with her if the girl wanted and there was Groder, Gorion`s ward who hated his foster father for seemingly no reason.


You've written both 'who' and 'whom', and both are correct. :lol: Since I've been harpying about this... Know that the effort to improve is appreciate in these quarters. :?: :lol:


Yay! I learn!

Anyways, criticism is always helpful.

That said... The last part - the fight scene... It has the makings of a great scene. Ganishuka's truths about Viconia and Jaheira are great; I always love it when villains tell/twist truths instead of lying. :lol:


Thank you. :lol:

But there are some points of it which are really unclear and confusing to read. Theodur mentioned the two major ones... It just feels as if that scene needed a bit more work to... well, work. :lol:

(I hope you don't mind my telling you that. :lol:)



I know, the thing just did not want to get itself written. I apparently removed the part where Jaya gets mortally wounded and I did make Ganishuka a rather powerful psychic as well.

There are rules for that in a special rulebook that nobody likes.




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