Bhaal's Youngest: Chapter 59

Graphic violence! Very graffic! Bad situation. Death. Cursing. Bhaal's POV. Any other kind of advanced apologies that you think I should make let me know. Critiques/comments welcome.

It is now deeper night, dark and cool, and Phoenix, Montaron, Xzar and Kagain are sitting around the camp fire in their small camp, eating. My daughter is extremely happy with her stew. She's quite certain that this is the heartiest stew she has ever made, and it seems to raise her spirits... almost too much- she feels so happy it's almost like she's back at Firebead's. She didn't realize how hungry she had become, and eagerly finishes her bowl off, though decides to hold off on a second bowl- she can probably run two days on the bowl she's eaten already and the others seem to be ready to finish the pot off themselves.

Xzar is on his third bowl. He casts her a wistful look- he has been uncharacteristically silent over dinner, almost brooding. She catches herself smiling at him affectionately, and then grinning at Montaron before she wonders how she could be so reckless. She just thinks of what Karan would think of her outlandish show of emotion to these practical strangers. Apparently Karan is a male monk from Candlekeep, an old man who gave her some instruction on self control and breathing exercises. Her mind flashes through a breathing exercise memory, a lesson on planting beans in the garden, her witnessing another set of monks tanning leather and working it, and lastly, a lesson on the stretches that help her remain as coordinated and flexible as she is.

She feels flushed, and warm and amazingly comfortable, almost as if she is dreaming. She wonders if she is. After all, Xzar isn't usually brooding and Montaron has been almost downright talkative after his second bowl of stew. I know that she is not dreaming, and I am wondering why she is feeling this way...it seems to be a very familiar feeling, if I could just put my finger on it. Xzar finishes his stew, reaches into his pack and takes out a dark brown violin and it's bow. He starts playing a dark, dangerous, sorrowful tune. The sound of it draws my daughter's thoughts to a few nights ago, another flash of the memory of Sarevok, only a moment, his dark metallic spikes, the glow of golden eyes against the shadow of his helm, and I can sense fear and anger both, and a sort of defiant hatred developing. She thinks he's an assassin, and she thinks he's an assassin who is going to really regret his vocation sometime later in life, after all the important things are done and she has time. And then she laughs at herself for the thought 'later in life' when her life might end tonight. She thinks she knows why she is feeling this way, and why they are acting so strange. Her body feels strange, sluggish, and unnaturally tired...unnaturally relaxed. She must be poisoned, she thinks, and she knows she cast a cantrip on the mushrooms to know that none of them were poisonous after she'd gathered them all. But she wasn't watching the stew every moment.

"That's some good stew, lass." Montaron says, smirking and trying to pat his stomach but missing. He burps loudly and smiles, daring her to say something.

"Thank you, Montaron." She says, smiling again before she catches herself. She finally decides that the damage is done and ignores the fact that she's smiling. What kind of poison is this? I know it's familiar, I've felt it before, but I just can't quite remember where. "You know, I guess I thought you needed a reason before you decided to kill me? Has the bounty reached respectable wording or amount yet, or is there something else?" She raises an eyebrow, but smiles as though he'd given her some kind of prize.

"What ye talkin bout, lass?" Montaron asks, face all wrinkled up in a look of raw perplexion. I haven't been in this group long, but Montaron doesn't strike me as someone who gives a raw look of perplexion often. Something is definitely wrong.

"Something has Xzar upset." She answers, enunciating so slowly and sharply she seems to be hissing. Why is she trying so hard to speak clearly...she's tired, but I've seen her so much more tired than this and able to speak clearly... "And you're talking as if it doesn't matter what you say- as if I'm not going to be around for you to regret it tomorrow." She smiles pointedly. "I rather think you regard death as the end of someone, Montaron? The way you threaten people indicates that you don't expect to see them again after you kill them." I just realized what this feeling is. My daughter is drunk. She shouldn't be...she hasn't drank anything but water and hasn't eaten anything but the stew, but I can taste it in her breath, and feel it in the way she is talking and thinking at the same time, whereas usually she considers what she says carefully. Normally, nine thoughts out of ten don't make it from her mind to her mouth, but this is not normal. This is drunk. I have got to get control of her, before she gets herself killed or whoever put alcohol in her system strikes. But she's not asleep. She's just in control enough for me to not be able to take her over. It's infuriating. "But I have a purpose Montaron, I have a purpose so strong that I will not let death stop me from accomplishing it, do you understand? I will not have to eat. I will not have to sleep. I will not have to breathe. There will be no end to me. And should you try, you will be...punished." She crosses her arms like an annoyed mother. "So, what kind of poison was it?" She demands. Her irritation is blatant, it's not tempered by fear or caution.

"Lass, ye both be mad wizards tonight." Montaron answers, laughing loudly. "Gonna go take a piss." He announces and stumbles into the dark. He must be drunk too. It's got to be in the stew. One of the oldest tricks in the book is to get your enemy drunk and then kill them while they are in no position to fight you. If Montaron didn't, and Xzar can still play the violin, after three bowls of stew, it could have been him. He knows enough about poisons, he could easily be one of those jack holes that poison themselves a little at a time until it doesn't matter what you feed them, they are immune. Like me, back when I had a body to play such games with it. He doesn't look like he could handle three bowls of alcohol strong enough to do that to Montaron but perhaps he's built up to it. Also, heat destroys most alcohol, so that means someone used the good stuff. Xzar puts the violin on the ground, puts the wand of lightning on the ground, puts his spellbook on the ground next to that, meticulously and then says, "Mommy, I don't feel so good!" In a high pitched voice and passes out backwards. That rules him out- probably.

Phoenix stares at Xzar's fallen form for a moment. His long brown curls have fallen away from his face, his black tattoos are as smooth as dark elven skin, seamlessly touching his real skin color, a pale shade of peach, his eyes closed, his face only a palette for the expression that has been stained into his face. But he is breathing, and he doesn't have the look of the soulless body of the dead, and she is momentarily relieved by that.

She moves her whole head to look at Kagain, narrowing her eyes. He is standing up. He seems to have finished his stew, and he is still in his armor, including his helmet. Since he'd kept it on at every meal, that fact hadn't seemed out of place until now. Right now, she wishes she had memorized spells with Xzar. She wants to stab Kagain in the face. She wants to pour hot soup in his eyes- she wants to hear them sizzle. She wants to shred his skin away until she can see his skull. I think I like it when she's this angry. She's not repulsed by these thoughts at all. Not right now. Not while she's drunk.

"You know, girl, I know a lot of people who didn't come back. What makes you think you can?" He says, as if speaking to a small child.

"How many of them were necromancers? How many have to carefully control how much negative energy they pull through from the plane where it resides because if they didn't, they would quench their own life force and leave a gaping hole of it leaking into the world?" She asks, tapping her fingers on her elbow in new and deeper irritation-she's as annoyed with herself as she is with him. "They aren't done with me yet, so they really don't have a reason, but you...Not much money to be had from warning a family about a mad priest of Cyric, is there? Turning on us is a way to get your money back and make some more from what we've gotten this far. Only problem is that we're not exactly easy pickings, and attacking one of us was likely to turn all three of us on you like wasps. But pour some dwarven ale into some stew and you can get us drunk without us even knowing it- and since you're so hearty, you can drink the poison with us and watch it take effect without impediment. Divide and conquer." She said, knowing that every word she spoke made it that much more likely that when Montaron came back he would know what the score was. From what she's seen of his coordination, he might not be much help, but even a distraction enough to divide Kagain's attention might be enough. I try to tug at her control again, but she is only trying harder now that she knows combat is going to happen. She likes combat. She casts her acid spell at him. It's too bad she's drunk. It hits a patch of dirt and sizzles down into it...making some pretty ugly bubbling mud ooze but not close enough to the dwarf to do anything but make him laugh. She's helpless now. No spells left. She pulls out her knife anyway. She continues to smile. Where are her thoughts? All those crazy half plans? She can't depend on instincts when she can barely stand up!

"Be thankful, girl, because you're drunk, it won't hurt as much." He said, stepping forward. "It's too bad you aren't anything to look at, or this could be fun."

She laughs impishly and throws open her arms. "Go ahead, grant me undeath, I dare you." I've lost her, there is no way I can save her, not even trying to wrench control from her- she's just aware enough that I can't do it. I'm so weak that I can't wrestle control from my daughter even when she's this drunk! "As for fun! We'll make a game of it, yes, Imoen would be happy to see that I like games too, but I don't like her games. I have my own. So you come to sever me from this life, and I'll see if I can take an eye out and feed it to you!" I am horror struck. She's about to die. And she's so much my daughter that I want to cry. I shouldn't have even tried. Why do I try? Why do I keep this torture up? Ao, I hate you, you sick twisted bastard. I so don't deserve this. Or Cyric, or whoever the fuck! Oh, yeah, it was me that thought it was a bright idea to sit back while they grow me my power stronger and 'check up' on them, wasn't it? Damn me! Only obviously I've done that already. And obviously I'm quite good at it.

The dwarf's eyes widen, and he falls over, just as dead as the other one had. Once again, Montaron is behind it, soaked in blood, holding the halfling sized short sword.

"Welcome back, Montaron." Phoenix says, smiling almost ruefully. "It would have been a fun game." She laments with a sigh, looking down at the dwarf's body.

Montaron snorts, and smiles slyly. He's as sober as he usually is. He must have known Kagain did it and let it happen. He may have wanted to know what she would do when she was drunk. He may not really have cared if the other two got killed but got bored of waiting or annoyed that she was talking so much.

"Bloody, hells, lass," Montaron says, smirking and looking at her critically. What is it that he wants from her? He obviously knows she is my daughter from the last time he tried to question her.

She sighs again, shambles towards the dwarf, making course corrections as she goes, finally arriving at the fallen dwarf. She sits down on his chest and starts carving into his face as if she were a younger, more awkward child drawing on it with charcoal. Montaron watches, almost transfixed, a look of genuine curiosity on his face. He doesn't have to worry about her being aware enough to diagnose his interest. Obviously, he doesn't know I'm watching him. Not that it will do a bit of good since she's still conscious enough to keep me from taking over, but only just barely now. She is getting pretty tired, coming down. Her eyes are heavy again. If he doesn't kill her soon, I will have control, and then I won't have to worry about him any more. It's too bad that he'll probably strike first.

"What ye doin', lass?"

"Checking if the books were right." She says, pulling back a cut flap of skin as if it were only a slippery bit of leather in her way and running her fingers over the muscles underneath. "Of course they are." She smiles and looks over at him sleepily. "Gonna kill me now? I won't take your eye, you know. I actually like you." She says, yawning, she is starting to get cold. "I know I shouldn't, I know it's stupid of me. Once you kill me, it will change of course. 'S just the way these things work, but in the meantime, I can't help but like you. I don't know why, I just do." She shrugs, and then she laughs and then she lets go, but by that time she is completely unconscious and I am left trying to take control of utter blackness.

Hmm. The first thing that comes to my mind is that you seem to have changed your Bhaal a bit... Well, the whole story just quantum-leapt into adult territory, but it's Bhaal where it's best visible, I think. I remember how, I don't know how many chapters ago, Bhaal's reaction to something was 'Grr', and I couldn't help commenting that it sounded a bit... childish, I think.
Now, I can't help comparing that with

Ao, I hate you, you sick twisted bastard. I so don't deserve this. Or Cyric, or whoever the fuck! Oh, yeah, it was me that thought it was a bright idea to sit back while they grow me my power stronger and 'check up' on them, wasn't it? Damn me! Only obviously I've done that already. And obviously I'm quite good at it.

The result:

As far as I'm concerned, it's a positive shock... He's sounding much more like a thirty-something (I have no idea why, but I've always pegged him as thirty-something!) really aggressive man trapped in a position where he can't do a thing. Except that before this chapter, I thought that you were making him a bit... blander, so to speak, on purpose. Because you picked a lower rating for your story, perhaps? (I realise that it's a bit odd way to put it, given how there was a rape scene several chapters ago, but...)
So now, I'm wondering if the change is just for the purpose of this chapter, or if you decided to make him a more adult figure in general...

Anyway. The one impression that I have from this chapter is... hmm. 'Predatory' is a word that came first to my mind. They are all a pack of predators, and they are squaring off, leaping at each other's throats, circling themselves cautiously and establishing temporary alliances... 's far as I'm concerned, it was a very good decision to knock out Xzar. He would have spoilt the mood completely. And I love the mood.

First off, I apologize, once again, I tried and tried to not write this chapter. I tried to find a way around it. She just won't be the same Phoenix if she doesn't have this situation in the back of her mind. I can't get to the Phoenix I know she's going to be without this dot in the picture. I even tried to keep Phoenix from being affected by it- I didn't want her to be drunk, but honestly, a 73 lb girl who has never had much in the way of alcohol in her system is going to be affected by alcohol, even if she was trained by monks and mages to have self control, there is no way around it. So I gave up and wrote the chapter, Phoenix breaking down and showing what her inhibitions stop her from doing and trying to do at this point in time. Bhaal's reactions struck me as natural for witnessing what she's like when she doesn't stop herself.

As far as I'm concerned, it's a positive shock... He's sounding much more like a thirty-something (I have no idea why, but I've always pegged him as thirty-something!) really aggressive man trapped in a position where he can't do a thing. Except that before this chapter, I thought that you were making him a bit... blander, so to speak, on purpose. Because you picked a lower rating for your story, perhaps? (I realise that it's a bit odd way to put it, given how there was a rape scene several chapters ago, but...)
So now, I'm wondering if the change is just for the purpose of this chapter, or if you decided to make him a more adult figure in general...

Well, Bhaal's level of interest has changed. At this point in time, she's more his daughter than his tool. It's easier to express this in a slightly different way, possibly. If I break the key that I want to open a door and have to try to take substandard tools and try and hope the door opens, it's one set of frustrations. If I cut my favorite finger off, I think there are going to be a separate, deeper set of frustrations (and the fact that I can't open the door with that finger, in addition to the broken tool makes it that much worse). I think Grrr got replaced with a damn it all type phrasing, but it's still far more general than this. After, all there is frustration, and there is anguish. If she were sober, Phoenix would never ever suggest they play a game involving an eyeball being taken out and shoved someone's throat- she wouldn't let herself think it, much less say it, but now that's she's drunk, he's seeing her without inhibitions- he sees that she is very much like he used to be- she is his daughter, plain and simple.

As to my rating on the story, I've always considered it a pretty horrible story, I may have held back some of Bhaal's curse words- trying to keep him from caring too deeply too early, after all, this is supposed to be Bhaal, and he's been in a lot of people's bodies and thrown them away like paper plates- some of them his priests and some of them his children's. It takes a bit to get him to give a damn. But the very first thing that happened in the story was a trapped five year old causing a death when she lost control and her father was only idly trying to punish the other child for trapping his. It may have a young protagonist, but it is in no way a child appropriate story. In fact, this is a story more about Bhaal than about Phoenix. He may only get one third or so of the chapters on average, and has spent an awful lot of time simply watching in frustration, but sooner or later he's going to 'meet' Phoenix, and by that time, he's going to be well past not giving a damn. In fact, I think this is the chapter where it really hits him.

Anyway. The one impression that I have from this chapter is... hmm. 'Predatory' is a word that came first to my mind. They are all a pack of predators, and they are squaring off, leaping at each other's throats, circling themselves cautiously and establishing temporary alliances... 's far as I'm concerned, it was a very good decision to knock out Xzar. He would have spoilt the mood completely. And I love the mood.

Thank you. I didn't really knock him out on purpose, I just figured that he would have reacted badly to three bowls of stew seeping with hard liquor. The situation with Kagain seemed a little more likely to me than him following these lunatics around for no apparent reason.

Thank you for reading and commenting

First off, I apologize, once again, I tried and tried to not write this chapter.

No, don't apologise... If you needed Phoenix to survive through something this gruesome, then you simply needed it, and that's all.

And thank you for replying in such detail! I never meant to imply that you would ever consider this as a story suitable for children! I meant more the difference between talking about rather gruesome violence and graphic descriptions of it.

In any case, your reply was very, very interesting. I think I now know a bit better what you mean to achieve here, and I'll certainly be reading with interest.

Ooh, Bhaal's angry in this one!

And it seems Phoenix has much, much more of a dark side than she tends to show when she's sober...

Excellent chapter with a lot of reasoning and emotion in it!

Why are you apologizing? I want more chapters like this!

"That's some good stew, lass." Montaron says, smirking and trying to pat his stomach but missing. He burps loudly and smiles, daring her to say something.

Missing your own stomach sounds like an impressive feat of (in)coordination.

"I rather think you regard death as the end of someone, Montaron? The way you threaten people indicates that you don't expect to see them again after you kill them."

...

"But I have a purpose Montaron, I have a purpose so strong that I will not let death stop me from accomplishing it, do you understand? I will not have to eat. I will not have to sleep. I will not have to breathe. There will be no end to me. And should you try, you will be...punished." She crosses her arms like an annoyed mother. "So, what kind of poison was it?"

She is going to be so disappointed when she finds out about the whole bhaalspawns distintegrating into ash thing. No corporeal undeath for you Phoenix! Perhaps she could manage as a spectre...

"Be thankful, girl, because you're drunk, it won't hurt as much." He said, stepping forward. "It's too bad you aren't anything to look at, or this could be fun."

She laughs impishly and throws open her arms. "Go ahead, grant me undeath, I dare you."

"As for fun! We'll make a game of it, yes, Imoen would be happy to see that I like games too, but I don't like her games. I have my own. So you come to sever me from this life, and I'll see if I can take an eye out and feed it to you!"

"It would have been a fun game." She laments with a sigh, looking down at the dwarf's body.

"Checking if the books were right." She says, pulling back a cut flap of skin as if it were only a slippery bit of leather in her way and running her fingers over the muscles underneath.

She is so adorably rationally macabre.

I am horror struck. She's about to die. And she's so much my daughter that I want to cry. I shouldn't have even tried. Why do I try? Why do I keep this torture up? Ao, I hate you, you sick twisted bastard. I so don't deserve this. Or Cyric, or whoever the fuck! Oh, yeah, it was me that thought it was a bright idea to sit back while they grow me my power stronger and 'check up' on them, wasn't it? Damn me! Only obviously I've done that already. And obviously I'm quite good at it.

Your Bhaal is very... different... I think I was managing to ignore it earlier because he was more distant, not feeling as much. Does he still want to be god of murder, specifically, or would he rather have a different domain now?

No, don't apologise... If you needed Phoenix to survive through something this gruesome, then you simply needed it, and that's all.

Yeah, that's what it comes down to.

And thank you for replying in such detail! I never meant to imply that you would ever consider this as a story suitable for children! I meant more the difference between talking about rather gruesome violence and graphic descriptions of it.

Ah, I see. I tend to use both approaches at different times.

In any case, your reply was very, very interesting. I think I now know a bit better what you mean to achieve here, and I'll certainly be reading with interest

Thank you.

Ooh, Bhaal's angry in this one!

Yes, yes, he is.

And it seems Phoenix has much, much more of a dark side than she tends to show when she's sober...

I'm afraid so. Her inhibitions usually serve her well.

Excellent chapter with a lot of reasoning and emotion in it!

Thank you.

Why are you apologizing? I want more chapters like this!

It's a bit intense. I think there is a fairly real danger of someone being repulsed by it.

Missing your own stomach sounds like an impressive feat of (in)coordination.

Yeah, he was pretending to be very drunk.

She is going to be so disappointed when she finds out about the whole bhaalspawns distintegrating into ash thing. No corporeal undeath for you Phoenix! Perhaps she could manage as a spectre...

She's always struck me as one that would be incorporeal, whether spectre, wraith or something worse.

She is so adorably rationally macabre.

Thank you. Bhaal thinks so too.

Your Bhaal is very... different... I think I was managing to ignore it earlier because he was more distant, not feeling as much. Does he still want to be god of murder, specifically, or would he rather have a different domain now?

My Bhaal is different. But he's still a sociopath. He wants to be god of murder and whatever else he can get his hands on. I mean, seriously, if he could kill Lliira and become the god of joy and murder, he wouldn't hesitate. (I can just imagine the Lliiran's symbol made with the same bright colors but in the shape of grinning skulls instead of stars...) Other awkward things would be the tears- they'd have to be tears of joy, right? As you can tell, this is not going to happen in the story. I'm not doing it. It's just a funny thought. It would not fit the normal Bhaal at all, but it would fit mine.

Well, I was worried this was bound to happen sooner or later, one attempting to backstab the others. Had they been drow, I would have been wondering why it didn't happen sooner. That should be the end of it for this particular group, though. Perhaps Montaron should start keeping a tally of the dwarves he slays.

Phoenix is indeed her father's scion. Even he did not truly realize it until now, it seems.

Bhaal is a sociopath, granted, but I'd hardly think he is any worse than Cyric, really. Of course, when or if Cyric realizes Bhaal's new plan, that's going to cause an entirely different series of complications for the father and daughter, at least until Ao forbids any further interference from all gods, if he hasn't already.

Well, I was worried this was bound to happen sooner or later, one attempting to backstab the others. Had they been drow, I would have been wondering why it didn't happen sooner. That should be the end of it for this particular group, though. Perhaps Montaron should start keeping a tally of the dwarves he slays.

Well, Kagain wasn't all that interested in the mines anyway, and he lost interest in his own task rather quickly. He seemed to be the most likely one to do it. Now the cards are on the table.

Phoenix is indeed her father's scion. Even he did not truly realize it until now, it seems.

She keeps it buried very well. He's seen hints, but she usually reacts negatively to them- (walking out of FAI and saying to herself over and over 'I do not want to kill people', that sort of thing)- there is usually a pretty clear rejection of any of the Bhaal-like thoughts. Now he sees what she could be.

Bhaal is a sociopath, granted, but I'd hardly think he is any worse than Cyric, really. Of course, when or if Cyric realizes Bhaal's new plan, that's going to cause an entirely different series of complications for the father and daughter, at least until Ao forbids any further interference from all gods, if he hasn't already.

The gods have already been forbidden to interfere directly with the bhaalspawn, though some gods are interpreting that as any relationship at all with them, even the god to worshiper one, and others are sure they can get by with acting normally. Some gods are still doing underhanded things, thinking they can get away with it. Cyric is not the most likely to really sit back and wait for one of them to come out of the group and claim a portfolio from him.

Yes, Cyric has never been the lackadaisacal, passive sort. I don't suppose Bhaal would enjoy watching Phoenix kill those Cyricists she later meets?

By the way, what will the final party composition be? Phoenix, Imoen, Jaheira, Khalid, Montaron, and Xzar? It always did seem a bit incovenient to have the party limit capped so low. I would have very much liked Edwin in the party, since I find him very entertaining. I'm trying to imagine how he would interact with Phoenix. Since Phoenix already has an elder mage serving as her tutor, though, Edwin probably won't be in the party? Unless of course you intend to shift the party composition after Irenicus captures them, perahsp Edwin could be included then?

Yes, Cyric has never been the lackadaisacal, passive sort. I don't suppose Bhaal would enjoy watching Phoenix kill those Cyricists she later meets?

Oh, yes. I believe he'll be overjoyed.

By the way, what will the final party composition be? Phoenix, Imoen, Jaheira, Khalid, Montaron, and Xzar? It always did seem a bit incovenient to have the party limit capped so low. I would have very much liked Edwin in the party, since I find him very entertaining. I'm trying to imagine how he would interact with Phoenix. Since Phoenix already has an elder mage serving as her tutor, though, Edwin probably won't be in the party? Unless of course you intend to shift the party composition after Irenicus captures them, perahsp Edwin could be included then?

I'm still undecided on the final party composition, as I anticipate that different arcs of the story will have characters coming and going (not many like Garric or Kagain though). After all, they have stuff to do. I promise we'll have Edwin far before Irenicus.