Fury and Rage

Continuing on the line of my short, silly, and out of line stories...
My mock character Harkemar returns with a tale to tell, and a narrator to aid him with it.



***

We enter the Pirate's Bounty, the infamous watering hole of the sailors and thieves that infest the docks.
The time is nearing nightfall, and so we find Harkemar, only approaching his usual stuporous state of mind.
He is hysterically explaining his latest ventures to his dear sister Imoen, who is listening with barely half-an ear, and is mostly focused on nursing the small glass of rum on the table in front of her.

"And! You know, then I said to him From here on you shall know better than to mock a holy warrior! And! You know, he was kind of stunned! He just, you know, kept staring at me with horror! And! You know, awe! And..."

Imoen however, did not display any effects of either horror or awe.
"Sheesh, could you cut it out? I've heard it all at least five time in the last four minutes."

But Harkemar would not be so easily dismayed.
"But! But! You know! He was too stunned to speak! He didn't say anything! His mouth, you know, just, moved! But he didn't speak, you know! And he just, like, pointed a finger at me! And his hand shivered! Like, in a reeeally cool way! Like! he was really jawstruck by my awesomeness! And, you know, I don't think..."

Imoen began displaying signs of aggravation, and she interrupted angrily.
"Geez! Anyone's hands would shake, shiver and quiver in a really cool way after all the beating you gave him, AND described in stocmach-wrenching detail... C'mon bro, it's not something you talk about while trying to drink and relax."

Harkemar however, found such talk displeasing, and turned to defend himself.
"Hey! He insulted my hair style! And he insulted my eau de cologne! And he insulted my goatee! He deserved worse, I showed him great mercy and patience! Just as any holy warrior should! And, you know, my hair style and everything is well according to the latest issue of TheHoly Warrior's Style Guide! He should have known; righteous vengeance strikes fast and when one least expects it!"

Imoen could not, nor did she really even want to, hold back the grimace that made it's way to her face.
She turned away from her drink, and all but yelled at her brother;
"Look, you ambushed him with a spade when he was leaving the outhouse! Not cool! Ok?!"

And, children, the lesson of the day: Even paladins sometimes overdo it.