Jump to content


Misery & Happiness 30- Bhaal special!


  • Please log in to reply
19 replies to this topic

#1 Guest_IriaZenn_*

Posted 12 April 2007 - 04:21 PM

Chapter 30- The lost Daughter


Ah, first let me say it is so nice to be out of the closet. ... Not that closet you fools! The one my scribe locks me up in every time she is home. As if. Anyway. Ah, today was a good day. My lazy ass scribe, (Seriously who takes two years to write twenty-nine chapters?), of course it had taken some odd months to finish this, so maybe my scribe isnít to blame. Oh? You donít know who I am?

Allow me to introduce myself. I am Bhaal. Pronounced Bah-all not Ball or anything else you can think of. Iím the god here get over yourself. Speaking of how Iím the god here did you know it makes no difference to a cat? I try every day to give my scribeís cat, Genocide, lessons in ethics. Just wonít listen. I try to teach it that itís okay to scratch up my scribeís things and her but not me. I hated to do it but I had to suggest to my scribe that his claws be trimmed. Iím a god, I canít run around with scratches everywhere.

At least Geno had the right behavior when sitting on my lap, even if I have to go around his fuzzy orange head to reach the keys. Any way, weíre not here to talk about me, although, if you wish I could. Gods know I do not have enough scribes telling my tales. None of these so called ďauthorsĒ, the published ones, ever go into detail about me. Sure, I have a million different backgrounds. Maybe thatís because there are infinite possibilities of ďWhat if?Ē.

But you know what really bugs me? Two words: Phillip Athans. You want to give me a bigger headache? Say the worst to me that you can: Adbel is my son. Ao, when I read those stories, I wanted to kill myself in shame. Sometimes my scribe will read me quotes from it just to torture me. Let me tell you, there is no way that I had a son like him. If I did, I was half dead, stoned and drunk. Most likely I was raped also. And probably had been kicked in the nuts, faulty sperm, donít you know? Peter Griffin makes a better son then him.

Of course speaking of my sons, I have many. Some are evil, not in that evil way, that humans regard them. There was Adrian, Iím not happy with how that turned out. Not at all. Then there was Kane. Another one that I was unhappy with the way it turned out. But damn I did love to watch him slap Eddie around. Then there was Talek. I did love that boy, mind you he was easy to manipulate, but he was one of my good boys. And then there was the bad boys and girls, oh yes you know who Iím talking about.

There was Peri, what did I ever do to that sweet girl? Besides trying to show her the way. Then there was Jarran and Rini. Why did I keep getting cursed with bards for child? Ones that screw over their loving father? I was a good father, well except to Sarevok. In all cases I screwed him over. I admit it. No I really don't have any remorse for it. My scribe is trying to teach me remorse. I swear if she makes me watch one more "Touched By An Angel" show, I'm going to do something. I would like to kill the person who made that show...

But back to my children, there was the ever so constant Imoen, I don't know how I made her so cheerful. Really I don't. I mean my domains were death, destruction, evil and retribution. So how in the Abyss did I get a daughter with pink hair?

I could tell you I learned my lesson, but frankly I still wanted to be a god. Too bad with what happen to Toril. Oh it was real, there's nothing there now though Only Helm stayed. Ever the watchdog, a guardian to a dead planet. Maybe you'll find it again some day. I could tell you which god was presently lording over this world but I'm sworn to silence. You have to think of this place of retribution. Not mine but yours. Because see there's this thing called Karmic Debt. A prime example of it would be my daughter Laska, she got laid so many times, that now her scribe, who was her in his past life, can't.

Then there's my son by soul bonding, Dekaras, his scribe well, I won't say much. There does seem to be a lot of my child who came back as the opposite gender though, or scribes that are the opposite of the character they once were. Like how Theo is so obsessed with Jaheira, that's because he was her. He was never a Bhaalspawn.

Me, Bane, and Myrkul? Wondering what happened to the Dead Three? Well Baneís the guardian of goons and henchmen everywhere, including Arnold Schwarzenegger, how else do you explain his success? Myrkul is the muse of mad doctors, Joseph Mengale and Harold Shipman are two of his favorites. Me? I got stuck as muse of my former children and serial killers everywhere (which is sometimes the same thing). Not such a bad gig, honestly though I've been trying to get some of my scribes to become killers and it's just not working. Though I do have a favorite serial killer right now; George W. Bush. Now he doesn't kill like I used to, I like to get up close and personal. But what person can't love his killing sense? Now here's a guy that sends food in little yellow packages. What do the bombs look like? Little yellow packages. ďOoh! Look food!Ē BOOM! Hehe. I love that.

Now I know you all love hearing me talk, but I wanted to type this chapter for a reason. One I'm not getting enough say in what happens, alright I know it's happened already but who really cares about Anomen or Edwin? The focus should be on me. After all it's called Throne of Bhaal, not Throne of Anni's or Edwin's or anyone else. And I'm telling you right now, I don't like the ending, neither did the gods and that's how my scribe got such a big Karmic Debt.

Now, on to the story I wanted to tell you all about. As some may recall, I had three daughters, Annalesca, Imoen and Jessica Isabeu. Had Revan lived I would have had two sons, you guessed it, Charon and Sarevok. Having girls is fine, you just need to keep them away from the boys, and sadly the girls too. I know that the boys were suppose to be born last, but I needed protectors of my girls.

I wanted the girlsí ages to be the same difference. Annalesca the oldest by six years to Jessica Isabeu and two years to Imoen. I had given Alianna, Sarevok and Charon, eight years before my eldestís birth. I figure that would give them enough time to start learning to protect their sisters. The boys were only infants when they lay in bed together and Sarevok pushed his brother off the bed. Charon didnít survive the fall.

After that I had my doubts. I gave her another chance with Annalesca, but when I wasnít around, I found out that she was nasty to her. So, I had to separate the girls. One went to a devoted dryad, the last one, I didnít finish before I died. Instead of making her a full child, I made her a shadow of my power. I did this to two of my children, to be mere helpers in my play. Charon was remade again, but that is Sarevokís story. This is about my youngest shadow child.

First a brief note on shadow children, they are of my line, there are only two in this world, well, Toril, but you know what I mean. They are my children, they hold a piece of me inside of them like all children to their parents, they also have a part of Revan in them. They are merely born from others. They hold no taint. The taint, my godhood, and myself are two separate things. In most cases of several of my children, Iím unable to separate the two. Sarevok for example, was overwhelmed by the taint, not me.

Then children like Imoen, there are only a few, have enough spirit to fight back the taint and may never feel it. Thatís if some wizard doesnít come along and steal her soul... Then thereís children like Annalesca, filled with the taint, to the point where she cannot tell where I begin and it starts. Charon and Jessica have no taint, only their own powers. Now, I know youíre going to ask, ďWhy didnít I make all my children this way?Ē Simple, I need them to carry the taint back to me or Cyric would have gotten it all. Then there would be no story and Iíd just be some footnote in a book. Back to Jessica.


Jessie, for short, was born to a mercenary, a hired sword in the dark, Suna Seni, and to a man named Valygar. Valy shall we say was not pleased that he had a child, and wasnít convinced that it was his to begin with. Especially since Jessie was always corpse pale and this Valy, well letís just say the skin tone didnít match. Suna dumped her with him, and Valy just couldnít turn down this innocent looking child. He took her in and raised her with care. He was terrified of one thing though, magic. Jessie cast her first spell at seven, which gave her Boba, her ferret from her old life. Thereís a secret about him too, but youíll learn. You will learn.
Valy was shocked and took her out of the city and into his cabin in the woods.

He didnít want anyone to find out about her powers, especially any of his family. He had some relative that had used the bodies of his magic ridden ancestors and he didnít want ďhisĒ daughter to be used. Her magic was natural, not of studying, he couldnít stop her from learning it. He liked Boba and knew his secret but promised the ferret not to tell. She grew up in the wilds of Umar Hills, learning about herbs, tracking animals and other things rangers teach their children. The two things about Jessie, sheís clumsy as all hell. And she doesnít know any offensive spells. Sure thereís spells like Color Spray and Sleep. But she doesnít want to hurt anyone really. Sheís such a pacifist... Not that I would change her, but I would like to see her live.

Now, here comes the really bad part. Right before Annalesca came to Athkatla, a huge sphere came to the slums part of the city. Valy and Jessie were visiting their home in the docks, the Cowled Wizards came for them. They were ready to take MY daughterís DEAD body to that damnable sphere! They had actually thought she would be the better choice over Valy as they thought they could overwhelm her. Iím happy to say that didnít happen. He defended my daughter like his own, flying into a rage and killing them. Boba helped. He bit the eye out of one of the wizards. Knew that thing had to be good at something besides stealing and causing trouble. After that they quietly left the city and returned to Umar Hills, where it brings us to present day. Well present day as in chapter 29, not present day Toril.

Valy gathered up Jessieís things and saddled his best horse. Giving her instructions he told her to ride south, to... you guess it. Saradush. She took her time in riding there, going in circles at times to throw others off her tracks. She met that ilharvith'rell, (Drow just sounds so better than me punching the keyboard.). Can you guess what red head bitch Iím talking about? Amelyssan. She got her hands on my baby and told her the truth of her bloodline. So thus starts the Six.

(Sigh) What am I to do?

ďHey Bhaal, what are you doing out of your closet?Ē The voice of my scribe came to me as the door opened. Crap back in the closet I go...A little help would be nice.

#2 Guest_Futurist_*

Posted 13 April 2007 - 11:36 AM

While I have not read Misery and Happiness (maybe I should start), I have to say I like this chapter, it is a bit different but that is a-ok!

(Good to know that Bhaal dislikes Athans as well. Annihilation made my eyes bleed. There is truth to the too many cooks spoil the soup thing) :)

#3 Guest_IriaZenn_*

Posted 13 April 2007 - 12:24 PM

While I have not read Misery and Happiness (maybe I should start), I have to say I like this chapter, it is a bit different but that is a-ok!

To quote Bodhi, "If you haven't, you should." Only 29 chapters to catch up on as Bhaal did mention I am a rather slow scribe.

(Good to know that Bhaal dislikes Athans as well. Annihilation made my eyes bleed. There is truth to the too many cooks spoil the soup thing) :)


I miss the mockings of Rand and Clight of those books. :) Oh how I wish they would start again.

#4 Guest_Dark-Mage_*

Posted 13 April 2007 - 05:24 PM

hehe, very different pet but an interesting read none-the-less :)

Good work...

#5 Guest_Ananke_*

Posted 15 April 2007 - 06:16 AM

You're not afraid to breach the fourth wall, aren't you? :) In a way, I admire your audacity, even if it does make, occasionally, for difficult reading - especially when you mention all those people and Bhaalspawn I have never heard of. ;)

But, yes... It's different, and because it's different, it's a bit hard to give criticism for. So, let me just say for now that I - well, feel rather than think - anyway, that I feel that it may different in the good way?

#6 Guest_Dadri_*

Posted 15 April 2007 - 08:56 AM

I'm sorry, but the idea of Bhaal with the kitten just get me each time. It's so cute. ;)

#7 Guest_Kelarin_*

Posted 15 April 2007 - 01:09 PM

;)

Okay I'm commenting. Try not to get too used to it. I'm a terrible commenter beyond...


I LOVED IT!!!

I do have to second loving the cat part. And Touched by an Angel. Good show. I think you might be overdosing him on it though. "Too much 'humble', not enough 'RAAAAGH, feel my unholy rage.'"

Uh anyways. Good chapter, and I am still reading, though somewhat slowly.

#8 Guest_IriaZenn_*

Posted 15 April 2007 - 01:11 PM

hehe, very different pet but an interesting read none-the-less ;)


Good work...


Thank you.

#9 Guest_IriaZenn_*

Posted 15 April 2007 - 01:28 PM

You're not afraid to breach the fourth wall, aren't you? :) In a way, I admire your audacity, even if it does make, occasionally, for difficult reading - especially when you mention all those people and Bhaalspawn I have never heard of. ;)

I'm not scared of breaking the fourth wall were Bhaal is concerned. He likes playing to the role. Now I just need to keep him away from my cat. the bhaalspawn are just some of either my favorite's or the old heads.

But, yes... It's different, and because it's different, it's a bit hard to give criticism for. So, let me just say for now that I - well, feel rather than think - anyway, that I feel that it may different in the good way?


Thank you

#10 Guest_IriaZenn_*

Posted 15 April 2007 - 01:34 PM

I'm sorry, but the idea of Bhaal with the kitten just get me each time. It's so cute. :)


Bhaal would like to note that he is not cute. Too bad he's locked in his closet watching Barney. ;)

#11 Guest_IriaZenn_*

Posted 15 April 2007 - 01:36 PM

;)


Okay I'm commenting. Try not to get too used to it. I'm a terrible commenter beyond...




I LOVED IT!!!

That's all I require. :)

I do have to second loving the cat part. And Touched by an Angel. Good show. I think you might be overdosing him on it though. "Too much 'humble', not enough 'RAAAAGH, feel my unholy rage.'"

Overdosing him is a good thing. Wait until he gets out for a while.

Uh anyways. Good chapter, and I am still reading, though somewhat slowly.


Don't worry it's not like I'm writing real fast.

#12 Laufey

Posted 15 April 2007 - 01:37 PM

Chapter 30- The lost Daughter




Ah, first let me say it is so nice to be out of the closet. ... Not that closet you fools! The one my scribe locks me up in every time she is home. As if. Anyway. Ah, today was a good day. My lazy ass scribe, (Seriously who takes two years to write twenty-nine chapters?), of course it had taken some odd months to finish this, so maybe my scribe isnít to blame. Oh? You donít know who I am?


Are you sure it's not 'that' closet? *ponders the idea of Bhaal slash fic*

At least Geno had the right behavior when sitting on my lap, even if I have to go around his fuzzy orange head to reach the keys. Any way, weíre not here to talk about me, although, if you wish I could. Gods know I do not have enough scribes telling my tales. None of these so called ďauthorsĒ, the published ones, ever go into detail about me. Sure, I have a million different backgrounds. Maybe thatís because there are infinite possibilities of ďWhat if?Ē.


Awww, kitty! Even the God of Murder can't resist their fuzzy cuteness, it seems.

But you know what really bugs me? Two words: Phillip Athans. You want to give me a bigger headache? Say the worst to me that you can: Adbel is my son. Ao, when I read those stories, I wanted to kill myself in shame. Sometimes my scribe will read me quotes from it just to torture me. Let me tell you, there is no way that I had a son like him. If I did, I was half dead, stoned and drunk. Most likely I was raped also. And probably had been kicked in the nuts, faulty sperm, donít you know? Peter Griffin makes a better son then him.


For once, I heartily agree with Bhaal. Death to Abdel!

Of course speaking of my sons, I have many. Some are evil, not in that evil way, that humans regard them. There was Adrian, Iím not happy with how that turned out. Not at all. Then there was Kane. Another one that I was unhappy with the way it turned out. But damn I did love to watch him slap Eddie around. Then there was Talek. I did love that boy, mind you he was easy to manipulate, but he was one of my good boys. And then there was the bad boys and girls, oh yes you know who Iím talking about.


Bhaal has his own definition of 'good' and 'bad' I see. ;)

There was Peri, what did I ever do to that sweet girl? Besides trying to show her the way. Then there was Jarran and Rini. Why did I keep getting cursed with bards for child? Ones that screw over their loving father? I was a good father, well except to Sarevok. In all cases I screwed him over. I admit it. No I really don't have any remorse for it. My scribe is trying to teach me remorse. I swear if she makes me watch one more "Touched By An Angel" show, I'm going to do something. I would like to kill the person who made that show...


Rini: *sticks tongue out*


Then there's my son by soul bonding, Dekaras, his scribe well, I won't say much. There does seem to be a lot of my child who came back as the opposite gender though, or scribes that are the opposite of the character they once were. Like how Theo is so obsessed with Jaheira, that's because he was her. He was never a Bhaalspawn.


*grins* Interesting idea, to be sure. The scribes are incarnations of their characters, then?

First a brief note on shadow children, they are of my line, there are only two in this world, well, Toril, but you know what I mean. They are my children, they hold a piece of me inside of them like all children to their parents, they also have a part of Revan in them. They are merely born from others. They hold no taint. The taint, my godhood, and myself are two separate things. In most cases of several of my children, Iím unable to separate the two. Sarevok for example, was overwhelmed by the taint, not me.


I'm not sure I followed that, but then I never really understood how it worked in the game either, so that's all right.


Jessie, for short, was born to a mercenary, a hired sword in the dark, Suna Seni, and to a man named Valygar. Valy shall we say was not pleased that he had a child, and wasnít convinced that it was his to begin with. Especially since Jessie was always corpse pale and this Valy, well letís just say the skin tone didnít match. Suna dumped her with him, and Valy just couldnít turn down this innocent looking child. He took her in and raised her with care. He was terrified of one thing though, magic. Jessie cast her first spell at seven, which gave her Boba, her ferret from her old life. Thereís a secret about him too, but youíll learn. You will learn.
Valy was shocked and took her out of the city and into his cabin in the woods.


Very interesting!


Now, here comes the really bad part. Right before Annalesca came to Athkatla, a huge sphere came to the slums part of the city. Valy and Jessie were visiting their home in the docks, the Cowled Wizards came for them. They were ready to take MY daughterís DEAD body to that damnable sphere! They had actually thought she would be the better choice over Valy as they thought they could overwhelm her. Iím happy to say that didnít happen. He defended my daughter like his own, flying into a rage and killing them. Boba helped. He bit the eye out of one of the wizards. Knew that thing had to be good at something besides stealing and causing trouble. After that they quietly left the city and returned to Umar Hills, where it brings us to present day. Well present day as in chapter 29, not present day Toril.


Aw, your Bhaal is protective, is he? Certainly more so than mine.
Rogues do it from behind.

#13 Guest_IriaZenn_*

Posted 15 April 2007 - 01:53 PM

Chapter 30- The lost Daughter



Ah, first let me say it is so nice to be out of the closet. ... Not that closet you fools! The one my scribe locks me up in every time she is home. As if. Anyway. Ah, today was a good day. My lazy ass scribe, (Seriously who takes two years to write twenty-nine chapters?), of course it had taken some odd months to finish this, so maybe my scribe isnít to blame. Oh? You donít know who I am?


Are you sure it's not 'that' closet? *ponders the idea of Bhaal slash fic*


Bhaal: Bad bad Laufey!
Scribe: I wouldn't doubt it.
Bhaal: Why must I suffer this?


At least Geno had the right behavior when sitting on my lap, even if I have to go around his fuzzy orange head to reach the keys. Any way, weíre not here to talk about me, although, if you wish I could. Gods know I do not have enough scribes telling my tales. None of these so called ďauthorsĒ, the published ones, ever go into detail about me. Sure, I have a million different backgrounds. Maybe thatís because there are infinite possibilities of ďWhat if?Ē.


Awww, kitty! Even the God of Murder can't resist their fuzzy cuteness, it seems.

Nope. Especially the orange ones.


But you know what really bugs me? Two words: Phillip Athans. You want to give me a bigger headache? Say the worst to me that you can: Adbel is my son. Ao, when I read those stories, I wanted to kill myself in shame. Sometimes my scribe will read me quotes from it just to torture me. Let me tell you, there is no way that I had a son like him. If I did, I was half dead, stoned and drunk. Most likely I was raped also. And probably had been kicked in the nuts, faulty sperm, donít you know? Peter Griffin makes a better son then him.


For once, I heartily agree with Bhaal. Death to Abdel!

Yes death and eraditication to him and his bloodline. Please tell me that he didn't have children?


Of course speaking of my sons, I have many. Some are evil, not in that evil way, that humans regard them. There was Adrian, Iím not happy with how that turned out. Not at all. Then there was Kane. Another one that I was unhappy with the way it turned out. But damn I did love to watch him slap Eddie around. Then there was Talek. I did love that boy, mind you he was easy to manipulate, but he was one of my good boys. And then there was the bad boys and girls, oh yes you know who Iím talking about.


Bhaal has his own definition of 'good' and 'bad' I see. ;)

Bhaal: Don't we all?


There was Peri, what did I ever do to that sweet girl? Besides trying to show her the way. Then there was Jarran and Rini. Why did I keep getting cursed with bards for child? Ones that screw over their loving father? I was a good father, well except to Sarevok. In all cases I screwed him over. I admit it. No I really don't have any remorse for it. My scribe is trying to teach me remorse. I swear if she makes me watch one more "Touched By An Angel" show, I'm going to do something. I would like to kill the person who made that show...


Rini: *sticks tongue out*


Bhaal: *grabs tongue* Maybe I can get you to stop singing now.


Then there's my son by soul bonding, Dekaras, his scribe well, I won't say much. There does seem to be a lot of my child who came back as the opposite gender though, or scribes that are the opposite of the character they once were. Like how Theo is so obsessed with Jaheira, that's because he was her. He was never a Bhaalspawn.


*grins* Interesting idea, to be sure. The scribes are incarnations of their characters, then?

Of course, makes sense.


First a brief note on shadow children, they are of my line, there are only two in this world, well, Toril, but you know what I mean. They are my children, they hold a piece of me inside of them like all children to their parents, they also have a part of Revan in them. They are merely born from others. They hold no taint. The taint, my godhood, and myself are two separate things. In most cases of several of my children, Iím unable to separate the two. Sarevok for example, was overwhelmed by the taint, not me.


I'm not sure I followed that, but then I never really understood how it worked in the game either, so that's all right.


He tried to explain it which is more than the game ever did.


Jessie, for short, was born to a mercenary, a hired sword in the dark, Suna Seni, and to a man named Valygar. Valy shall we say was not pleased that he had a child, and wasnít convinced that it was his to begin with. Especially since Jessie was always corpse pale and this Valy, well letís just say the skin tone didnít match. Suna dumped her with him, and Valy just couldnít turn down this innocent looking child. He took her in and raised her with care. He was terrified of one thing though, magic. Jessie cast her first spell at seven, which gave her Boba, her ferret from her old life. Thereís a secret about him too, but youíll learn. You will learn.
Valy was shocked and took her out of the city and into his cabin in the woods.


Very interesting!


Thank you


Now, here comes the really bad part. Right before Annalesca came to Athkatla, a huge sphere came to the slums part of the city. Valy and Jessie were visiting their home in the docks, the Cowled Wizards came for them. They were ready to take MY daughterís DEAD body to that damnable sphere! They had actually thought she would be the better choice over Valy as they thought they could overwhelm her. Iím happy to say that didnít happen. He defended my daughter like his own, flying into a rage and killing them. Boba helped. He bit the eye out of one of the wizards. Knew that thing had to be good at something besides stealing and causing trouble. After that they quietly left the city and returned to Umar Hills, where it brings us to present day. Well present day as in chapter 29, not present day Toril.


Aw, your Bhaal is protective, is he? Certainly more so than mine.


Bhaal: Like I've said there are many different versions of me. I wonder if I can get you, I mean Dekkie, to kill another wizard in rage?

#14 Laufey

Posted 15 April 2007 - 02:48 PM

[quote]
[quote]
For once, I heartily agree with Bhaal. Death to Abdel!
[/quote]
Yes death and eraditication to him and his bloodline. Please tell me that he didn't have children?
[quote]

I don't think so, but I never read the SoA or ToB novels, only the first one.


[quote]
[quote]
*grins* Interesting idea, to be sure. The scribes are incarnations of their characters, then?
[/quote]
Of course, makes sense.
[quote]

It does, rather.


[quote]
[quote]
Aw, your Bhaal is protective, is he? Certainly more so than mine.[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Bhaal: Like I've said there are many different versions of me. I wonder if I can get you, I mean Dekkie, to kill another wizard in rage?[/quote]

That would depend on who the wizard was, of course - and we don't tend to kill in rage, we prefer to be more...methodical about it. ;)
Rogues do it from behind.

#15 Guest_IriaZenn_*

Posted 15 April 2007 - 02:54 PM

[quote name="Laufey"][quote]
[quote]
For once, I heartily agree with Bhaal. Death to Abdel!
[/quote]
Yes death and eraditication to him and his bloodline. Please tell me that he didn't have children?
[quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
I don't think so, but I never read the SoA or ToB novels, only the first one.
[/quote]

Couldn't bare to get through it either could you? The way I see it is if *He* can be published so can I.

[quote]
[quote]
[quote]
*grins* Interesting idea, to be sure. The scribes are incarnations of their characters, then?
[/quote]
Of course, makes sense.
[quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
It does, rather.
[/quote]



[quote]
[quote]
[quote]
Aw, your Bhaal is protective, is he? Certainly more so than mine.[/quote]
[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
[quote]
Bhaal: Like I've said there are many different versions of me. I wonder if I can get you, I mean Dekkie, to kill another wizard in rage?[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
That would depend on who the wizard was, of course - and we don't tend to kill in rage, we prefer to be more...methodical about it. :)[/quote]

Bhaal: Aww, come and make Daddy proud. ;)

#16 Weyoun

Posted 15 April 2007 - 05:49 PM

Ah, first let me say it is so nice to be out of the closet. ... Not that closet you fools! The one my scribe locks me up in every time she is home. As if. Anyway. Ah, today was a good day. My lazy ass scribe, (Seriously who takes two years to write twenty-nine chapters?), of course it had taken some odd months to finish this, so maybe my scribe isnít to blame. Oh? You donít know who I am?


Laska : I hear ya. If I don't kick Weyoun every day or so, he'd never end up writing.

Allow me to introduce myself. I am Bhaal. Pronounced Bah-all not Ball or anything else you can think of. Iím the god here get over yourself. Speaking of how Iím the god here did you know it makes no difference to a cat? I try every day to give my scribeís cat, Genocide, lessons in ethics. Just wonít listen. I try to teach it that itís okay to scratch up my scribeís things and her but not me. I hated to do it but I had to suggest to my scribe that his claws be trimmed. Iím a god, I canít run around with scratches everywhere.


Is that true? Is your cat really named Genocide?

At least Geno had the right behavior when sitting on my lap, even if I have to go around his fuzzy orange head to reach the keys. Any way, weíre not here to talk about me, although, if you wish I could. Gods know I do not have enough scribes telling my tales. None of these so called ďauthorsĒ, the published ones, ever go into detail about me. Sure, I have a million different backgrounds. Maybe thatís because there are infinite possibilities of ďWhat if?Ē.


Uh, perhaps I shouldn't mention that, in Tnt, Bhaal is basically an idiot who botched his only chance for resurrection. :wink:

But you know what really bugs me? Two words: Phillip Athans. You want to give me a bigger headache? Say the worst to me that you can: Adbel is my son. Ao, when I read those stories, I wanted to kill myself in shame. Sometimes my scribe will read me quotes from it just to torture me. Let me tell you, there is no way that I had a son like him. If I did, I was half dead, stoned and drunk. Most likely I was raped also. And probably had been kicked in the nuts, faulty sperm, donít you know? Peter Griffin makes a better son then him.


Ack, Phillip Athans! Now that guy's needs to be converged upon by a battallion of Brotherhood of Nod Flametanks. :(

At least Peter Griffin is funny. :D

There was Peri, what did I ever do to that sweet girl? Besides trying to show her the way. Then there was Jarran and Rini. Why did I keep getting cursed with bards for child? Ones that screw over their loving father? I was a good father, well except to Sarevok. In all cases I screwed him over. I admit it. No I really don't have any remorse for it. My scribe is trying to teach me remorse. I swear if she makes me watch one more "Touched By An Angel" show, I'm going to do something. I would like to kill the person who made that show...


You know what that show needs? A guest appearances of Gary Busey in the role of a psychotic Satan who serial kills all the cute angels on the show with a hacksaw. Hey, I'd watch it. ;) It'd be a great series finale.

I could tell you I learned my lesson, but frankly I still wanted to be a god. Too bad with what happen to Toril. Oh it was real, there's nothing there now though Only Helm stayed. Ever the watchdog, a guardian to a dead planet. Maybe you'll find it again some day. I could tell you which god was presently lording over this world but I'm sworn to silence. You have to think of this place of retribution. Not mine but yours. Because see there's this thing called Karmic Debt. A prime example of it would be my daughter Laska, she got laid so many times, that now her scribe, who was her in his past life, can't.


...

HEY!

Okay, I know it's true, but thanks a lot for pointing that out to the world, bigmouth. I think I'll go crawl in that corner over there to sulk for a bit. :wink:

Then there's my son by soul bonding, Dekaras, his scribe well, I won't say much. There does seem to be a lot of my child who came back as the opposite gender though, or scribes that are the opposite of the character they once were. Like how Theo is so obsessed with Jaheira, that's because he was her. He was never a Bhaalspawn.


Uh?!

Me, Bane, and Myrkul? Wondering what happened to the Dead Three? Well Baneís the guardian of goons and henchmen everywhere, including Arnold Schwarzenegger, how else do you explain his success? Myrkul is the muse of mad doctors, Joseph Mengale and Harold Shipman are two of his favorites. Me? I got stuck as muse of my former children and serial killers everywhere (which is sometimes the same thing). Not such a bad gig, honestly though I've been trying to get some of my scribes to become killers and it's just not working. Though I do have a favorite serial killer right now; George W. Bush. Now he doesn't kill like I used to, I like to get up close and personal. But what person can't love his killing sense? Now here's a guy that sends food in little yellow packages. What do the bombs look like? Little yellow packages. ďOoh! Look food!Ē BOOM! Hehe. I love that.


I always did like Myrkul. He always seemed like a cross between Charon (the mythological one) and Skeletor to me.

Then children like Imoen, there are only a few, have enough spirit to fight back the taint and may never feel it. Thatís if some wizard doesnít come along and steal her soul... Then thereís children like Annalesca, filled with the taint, to the point where she cannot tell where I begin and it starts. Charon and Jessica have no taint, only their own powers. Now, I know youíre going to ask, ďWhy didnít I make all my children this way?Ē Simple, I need them to carry the taint back to me or Cyric would have gotten it all. Then there would be no story and Iíd just be some footnote in a book. Back to Jessica.


At least your Bhaal is smarted than mine. Mine would say : "Duuuuh, what's a resurrection?" ;)

Valy gathered up Jessieís things and saddled his best horse. Giving her instructions he told her to ride south, to... you guess it. Saradush. She took her time in riding there, going in circles at times to throw others off her tracks. She met that ilharvith'rell, (Drow just sounds so better than me punching the keyboard.). Can you guess what red head bitch Iím talking about? Amelyssan. She got her hands on my baby and told her the truth of her bloodline. So thus starts the Six.


(Sigh) What am I to do?


Sit in the closet and sulk? :wink:

ďHey Bhaal, what are you doing out of your closet?Ē The voice of my scribe came to me as the door opened. Crap back in the closet I go...A little help would be nice.


Sure, I'll help. But not you. Hey, Iriazenn, check out this cool titanium padlock I have here. It'll go perfect on that closet of yours. ;)
TnT Enhanced Edition: http://www.fanfictio...rds-and-Tempers

---
Sith Warrior - Master, I can sense your anger.

Darth Baras - A blind, comotose lobotomy-patient could sense my anger!

---

"The New Age? It's just the old age stuck in a microwave oven for fifteen seconds" - James Randi

#17 Guest_IriaZenn_*

Posted 15 April 2007 - 06:13 PM


Ah, first let me say it is so nice to be out of the closet. ... Not that closet you fools! The one my scribe locks me up in every time she is home. As if. Anyway. Ah, today was a good day. My lazy ass scribe, (Seriously who takes two years to write twenty-nine chapters?), of course it had taken some odd months to finish this, so maybe my scribe isnít to blame. Oh? You donít know who I am?


Laska : I hear ya. If I don't kick Weyoun every day or so, he'd never end up writing.

Bhaal: Tell me about it.


Allow me to introduce myself. I am Bhaal. Pronounced Bah-all not Ball or anything else you can think of. Iím the god here get over yourself. Speaking of how Iím the god here did you know it makes no difference to a cat? I try every day to give my scribeís cat, Genocide, lessons in ethics. Just wonít listen. I try to teach it that itís okay to scratch up my scribeís things and her but not me. I hated to do it but I had to suggest to my scribe that his claws be trimmed. Iím a god, I canít run around with scratches everywhere.


Is that true? Is your cat really named Genocide?

Yes, he's really named Genocide, and he's cute and orange too.


At least Geno had the right behavior when sitting on my lap, even if I have to go around his fuzzy orange head to reach the keys. Any way, weíre not here to talk about me, although, if you wish I could. Gods know I do not have enough scribes telling my tales. None of these so called ďauthorsĒ, the published ones, ever go into detail about me. Sure, I have a million different backgrounds. Maybe thatís because there are infinite possibilities of ďWhat if?Ē.


Uh, perhaps I shouldn't mention that, in Tnt, Bhaal is basically an idiot who botched his only chance for resurrection. :D

Bhaal: Three words: Not my fault.


But you know what really bugs me? Two words: Phillip Athans. You want to give me a bigger headache? Say the worst to me that you can: Adbel is my son. Ao, when I read those stories, I wanted to kill myself in shame. Sometimes my scribe will read me quotes from it just to torture me. Let me tell you, there is no way that I had a son like him. If I did, I was half dead, stoned and drunk. Most likely I was raped also. And probably had been kicked in the nuts, faulty sperm, donít you know? Peter Griffin makes a better son then him.


Ack, Phillip Athans! Now that guy's needs to be converged upon by a battallion of Brotherhood of Nod Flametanks. ;)

Personally I get pains just from reading that nonsense.

At least Peter Griffin is funny. ;)

Very funny


There was Peri, what did I ever do to that sweet girl? Besides trying to show her the way. Then there was Jarran and Rini. Why did I keep getting cursed with bards for child? Ones that screw over their loving father? I was a good father, well except to Sarevok. In all cases I screwed him over. I admit it. No I really don't have any remorse for it. My scribe is trying to teach me remorse. I swear if she makes me watch one more "Touched By An Angel" show, I'm going to do something. I would like to kill the person who made that show...


You know what that show needs? A guest appearances of Gary Busey in the role of a psychotic Satan who serial kills all the cute angels on the show with a hacksaw. Hey, I'd watch it. ;) It'd be a great series finale.

Bad bad Weyoun! :wink:


I could tell you I learned my lesson, but frankly I still wanted to be a god. Too bad with what happen to Toril. Oh it was real, there's nothing there now though Only Helm stayed. Ever the watchdog, a guardian to a dead planet. Maybe you'll find it again some day. I could tell you which god was presently lording over this world but I'm sworn to silence. You have to think of this place of retribution. Not mine but yours. Because see there's this thing called Karmic Debt. A prime example of it would be my daughter Laska, she got laid so many times, that now her scribe, who was her in his past life, can't.


...


HEY!


Okay, I know it's true, but thanks a lot for pointing that out to the world, bigmouth. I think I'll go crawl in that corner over there to sulk for a bit. :wink:

Bhaal: Well, I'm just the second person to point it out. Laska pointed it out first in her special 50 chapter.


Then there's my son by soul bonding, Dekaras, his scribe well, I won't say much. There does seem to be a lot of my child who came back as the opposite gender though, or scribes that are the opposite of the character they once were. Like how Theo is so obsessed with Jaheira, that's because he was her. He was never a Bhaalspawn.


Uh?!

Bhaal: Theo used to be Jaheria. Don't tell me you're taking after my daughter, again.


Me, Bane, and Myrkul? Wondering what happened to the Dead Three? Well Baneís the guardian of goons and henchmen everywhere, including Arnold Schwarzenegger, how else do you explain his success? Myrkul is the muse of mad doctors, Joseph Mengale and Harold Shipman are two of his favorites. Me? I got stuck as muse of my former children and serial killers everywhere (which is sometimes the same thing). Not such a bad gig, honestly though I've been trying to get some of my scribes to become killers and it's just not working. Though I do have a favorite serial killer right now; George W. Bush. Now he doesn't kill like I used to, I like to get up close and personal. But what person can't love his killing sense? Now here's a guy that sends food in little yellow packages. What do the bombs look like? Little yellow packages. ďOoh! Look food!Ē BOOM! Hehe. I love that.


I always did like Myrkul. He always seemed like a cross between Charon (the mythological one) and Skeletor to me.

Same here.


Then children like Imoen, there are only a few, have enough spirit to fight back the taint and may never feel it. Thatís if some wizard doesnít come along and steal her soul... Then thereís children like Annalesca, filled with the taint, to the point where she cannot tell where I begin and it starts. Charon and Jessica have no taint, only their own powers. Now, I know youíre going to ask, ďWhy didnít I make all my children this way?Ē Simple, I need them to carry the taint back to me or Cyric would have gotten it all. Then there would be no story and Iíd just be some footnote in a book. Back to Jessica.


At least your Bhaal is smarted than mine. Mine would say : "Duuuuh, what's a resurrection?" ;)

Bhaal: Like I said many different versons of myself. Yours was obvously hit in the head a few times.


Valy gathered up Jessieís things and saddled his best horse. Giving her instructions he told her to ride south, to... you guess it. Saradush. She took her time in riding there, going in circles at times to throw others off her tracks. She met that ilharvith'rell, (Drow just sounds so better than me punching the keyboard.). Can you guess what red head bitch Iím talking about? Amelyssan. She got her hands on my baby and told her the truth of her bloodline. So thus starts the Six.



(Sigh) What am I to do?


Sit in the closet and sulk? :(

That's what he's doing! :wink:


ďHey Bhaal, what are you doing out of your closet?Ē The voice of my scribe came to me as the door opened. Crap back in the closet I go...A little help would be nice.


Sure, I'll help. But not you. Hey, Iriazenn, check out this cool titanium padlock I have here. It'll go perfect on that closet of yours. ;)


Nah, the cat need attention when I'm not home. Plus if I put naked guys on the pc, he usually keeps away.

#18 Weyoun

Posted 15 April 2007 - 08:59 PM

Yes, he's really named Genocide, and he's cute and orange too.


It's cute, yet unusual. I like.

Personally I get pains just from reading that nonsense.


Tell me about it. The most lifeless bhaalspawn in existance gets to be canon and Imoen and Sarevok both buy it for crappy reasons in the end.

You know what that show needs? A guest appearances of Gary Busey in the role of a psychotic Satan who serial kills all the cute angels on the show with a hacksaw. Hey, I'd watch it. :wink: It'd be a great series finale.

Bad bad Weyoun! :wink:


Sorry. ;) Being the devout atheist I am, cute angels stir deep aggression in me.:wink:

Bhaal: Well, I'm just the second person to point it out. Laska pointed it out first in her special 50 chapter.


I know, I know. Sadly... ;) Though thinks have improved slightly since that special chapter. :D

Nah, the cat need attention when I'm not home. Plus if I put naked guys on the pc, he usually keeps away.


I wouldn't let Bhaal look after my dog in a million years to be honest. :( If she were still alive, that is.
TnT Enhanced Edition: http://www.fanfictio...rds-and-Tempers

---
Sith Warrior - Master, I can sense your anger.

Darth Baras - A blind, comotose lobotomy-patient could sense my anger!

---

"The New Age? It's just the old age stuck in a microwave oven for fifteen seconds" - James Randi

#19 Guest_IriaZenn_*

Posted 15 April 2007 - 10:26 PM


Yes, he's really named Genocide, and he's cute and orange too.


It's cute, yet unusual. I like.

Yeah you see the problem is I can't really tell people that he was named that because he was a breaking up gift from a boyfriend who wanted nookie for the first and only time. I thought to myself wouldn't it be great if there was a genocide of all people like him. I was thinking of jerks, though most people think I meant that he was a Jew... :wink:


Personally I get pains just from reading that nonsense.


Tell me about it. The most lifeless bhaalspawn in existance gets to be canon and Imoen and Sarevok both buy it for crappy reasons in the end.

I just laugh at the way people mock it.


You know what that show needs? A guest appearances of Gary Busey in the role of a psychotic Satan who serial kills all the cute angels on the show with a hacksaw. Hey, I'd watch it. :wink: It'd be a great series finale.


Bad bad Weyoun! :wink:


Sorry. ;) Being the devout atheist I am, cute angels stir deep aggression in me.:(

I know what you mean.


Bhaal: Well, I'm just the second person to point it out. Laska pointed it out first in her special 50 chapter.


I know, I know. Sadly... ;) Though thinks have improved slightly since that special chapter. ;)

Bhaal: Lies all of it!


Nah, the cat need attention when I'm not home. Plus if I put naked guys on the pc, he usually keeps away.


I wouldn't let Bhaal look after my dog in a million years to be honest. :D If she were still alive, that is.


Well Geno keep Bhaal in line. He's a big kitten to handle. ;)

#20 Guest_Daie_*

Posted 24 April 2007 - 02:24 AM

So many replies, Iria. I hope you're smiling :lol:




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

Skin Designed By Evanescence at IBSkin.com