. Critique (including grammar) is welcomed.Several notes:
1)"..." will often denote words which can't be used in decent company.
2)Yes, it's almost a parody.
Korgan Bloodaxe was drinking his seventh tankard of ale. Surely, these bloody longlimbs couldn’t make proper ale even to save their hides, but here, in Coronet, it was almost passable. He spent some time searching for a new adventuring group to off his previous one, but all parties were either weaklings, unable to stomach proper ale, or were lead by blasted, pansy elves or their breed. Bah! No way in Abyss! Proper dwarven berserker won't take orders from pointy-eared ones!
He shot murderous stare at wannabee knightling in the corner. That mouthy bastard asked him a lot of stupid questions, like was his heart soaking courage or something like this. And in the end dang-head in shiny armor tried to chastise him! If only cowardly longlimb didn’t back away from good fight, he wouldn’t have escaped with merely broken teeth. May be this night he should put poor imbecile out of his misery? Korgan thoughtfully frowned–terrible grimace on his dirty face made passing hardened thug to blanch and turn away - and reached for his mug. One of the most terrible discoveries in his life was also the most usual one – cruel joke of daft gods, no doubts. His mug was empty yet again.
“Ye thrice-damned bloody wench! Bring this dwarf more ale, or I be gutting ya and yer boss like pigs!” he shouted to no one in particular and started swinging his axe wildly. It usually worked like a charm.
This time it also took only one minute to get his mug refilled with fresh, foaming ale. Korgan reattached his axe to his belt, drunk half of the ale and burped contently. Some killings and it would be pure bliss. Well, there was actually one more thing he wanted, decided dwarf: a fiery woman to bed. He looked around, spat in disgust and finished his ale.
“… ya, ye blind like bat and stupid like knightling wench! Where be -”
Terrible cry, full of mortal horror and pain, interrupted him. It was cut short with loud thud, and nearby door flew into the inn along with bloody, broken human body literally hammered in it. Korgan looked at the entrance and felt his eyes bulging.
Tall for a dwarf and almost square, very young lass stood there, wearing only light tunic and leather pants. Both were fitting her impeccable figure like a glove, showing her bulging muscles – and not only them. Korgan gulped and licked his lips, praying gods of his people for the first time in many, many years. And his prayer was answered – lass had entered Copper Coronet, strength and self-confidence in every movement. Three people followed her, but Korgan paid them no attention at first, looking only at beautiful, round face with short goatee beard, not entirely masking strong, bulldog jaw. The fact that this face was distorted by rage only added to its attractiveness.
“Belmara, was this destruction of private property really necessary? Plus, this man, even though he was a robber, was escaping. There was no need in such extreme violence.” Said one of the beauty’s companions, tall, seemingly strong female half-elf armed with scimitar. Muscles under lass’ tunic rippled even more, and Korgan was captivated by silent, murderous fury in her eyes. She said nothing still.
“Mongrel, only wael like you would let the defeated enemy live.” Answered another companion with cold contempt. Voice and petite stature were definitely female as well, but hooded cloak prevented Korgan from seeing her face.
“Drow, my words were for Belmara, not for you. You shall know I am addressing you if I spit in your direction.” Half-elf replied angrily, fixing her opponent with burning glare, and turned to the young girl. “I have a duty as your guardian…”
Krak!
Belmara, for it was apparently the name of this sweet vision, smashed both her huge fists at the nearby oaken table, which was, like all other furniture in this inn, originally designed to withstand brawls – and, from Korgan’s personal experience, handled it well. This time, however, two legs broke simultaneously and tabletop itself divided into two parts and some splinters. One of the dishes, which was standing on the table’s edge, flew to the roof. Three local thugs, who were sitting at the table, froze in shock.
“Listen here, Jaheira, and listen well, damn you!” shouted Belmara hoarsely, her deep bass filling the air, and Korgan was surprised by her lack of accent. “You were nagging me for all this shitty day, and I am mightily tired! Only two people could pester me like this, my dad, who is dead, buried, and properly avenged, and my little sis, who is addled beyond belief, afraid of good bloody massacre, but is still my best friend! You shouldn’t even try to … my brain! I can sometimes take advice from little Viconia here, ‘coz her heart is as black as her skin and she is old and wise despite her lack of proper beard, but that’s it!”
“Such language isn’t suitable for Gorion’s child!” almost cried tall half-elf in exasperation.
Belmara fists clenched with loud crunch and she opened her mouth, but was interrupted by daft roughneck, who had finally gathered his wits and realized that he was left without food and booze. “Hoy, freak, ye’ll pay for my dinner!” he shouted in her face and brandished short sword. His friends were also standing and waving blades in the air with angry shouts.
For some seconds Korgan was wondering whether he should help this fair lass or not. Despite her obvious strength, she was unarmed. Finally he rose on his feet and grabbed his axe. He was too late. In one fluid motion girl rocketed in the air between three men. Her feet crashed in her offender’s chest. Human flew in dwarf’s direction, knocking two people along his way, and landed on his table, whose legs creaked, but endured. Blood from his mouth splashed dwarf and one look on longlimb’s crushed ribcage was enough to realize that he was dead. Impressed Korgan looked back at the young girl and noticed that another two humans were lying on the dirty floor already and she was coming to him, tossing in all directions those patrons who were too slow or too drunken to move away in time. She looked at the dead man, grinned, showing her white, even teeth, and her fist smashed at his face.
“Now…”
Smack!
“who is…”
Smack!
“the freak, you …, …, son of the bitch?!” she asked, breathing heavily and her right fist became almost a blur in the air.
CRACK!
Table was really good. It sagged slightly, but nothing more. Man’s face was not simply unrecognizable now – it was absent. Blood was everywhere, including Korgan’s face; nearby patrons couldn’t stomach proper fight and were hastily escaping the inn which had been suddenly turned into slaughterhouse. Hell, I’ve forgotten what a proper dwarven maiden is! Or were they quite different when I was young?
“Belmara, you are losing your touch. Left one is still breathing.” Cloaked woman calmly informed. Since for a first time in many months Copper Coronet was filled with dead silence, she didn’t need to raise her voice.
“Yeah, my left hand still hasn’t recovered from that bastard’s tortures. But what are you waiting for, Vicky?! Some heavenly sign?!” roared lass discontentedly.
Drow shrugged and promptly cut human’s throat with strange, round disk. Half-elf gasped in shock, but girl ignored her. Her stare was fixed on Korgan, and dwarf’s pants suddenly became very, very tight in one important spot. His eyes were scanning her body, her short, stout legs, perhaps slightly too small, but still nicely shaped breasts, clearly discernable through the tight tunic, her thick and wiry neck, not at all concealed by very sexy beard and her face, slightly dotted with blood.
“Oh, my…” she said slowly. “You are a dwarf!”
“That me be, lass, that me be” he replied, almost mesmerized.
She slightly blushed “Oh, yeah, of course you are! I was just surprised to see one of our kind here, you know.”
“This drow of yours has just committed cold-blooded murder of defenseless man!” stern voice interrupted them mercilessly. “Did you order her to do it?!” continued woman with unmistakable at this distance looks of tree-hugger. Something yellow briefly flickered in Belmara’s silvered blue eyes and she slowly, menacingly turned to her companion who involuntarily stepped back.
“I’ve had enough, daft bitch.” she said almost calmly. “Since you and your stuttering husband had joined us after our victory in Baldur’s Gate, you’ve been nothing more than a pest. If not Immy, who liked your mate – he reminded her of abused dog, I guess – I would teach you some manners long ago. Pity that Shar-Teel died in that cursed dungeon, and you survived. Guess trash like you wasn’t even useful for experiments.”
“You dare?!” indignantly asked tree-hugger, but young lass ignored her.
“Now you annoy my friend Viconia and question my orders, Harper scum!” She growled and raised her big, bloody hand in the air, looking Jaheira straight in the eyes.
“Get the hell out of here, or I’ll shove my hand into your …, tear off your womb and stuff it right into your yapping mouth!”. Her hand with thick calluses made very likely grasping and tearing motion and tree-hugger blinked and made another step back, looking almost fearful, but quickly composed herself.
“So. Your darker desires win over you fully.” She said almost sadly, but with flicker of anger in her eyes. “I have seen enough. Should we meet again it shall be as opponents and naught else, Belmara.”
“Should we meet again, you. Will. Die.” Answered girl in strained voice and her eyes were fixing Jaheira until woman left Copper Coronet. After that she turned to Korgan, who was almost losing battle with his temptation. Even a very good idea about her reaction to groping was barely enough to stop him. After all, it would perhaps worth it.
“Listen, I am sorry about your table” she said almost shyly, looking at his beard. “Really sorry, I didn’t want this bag of muck to fly in your direction.”
“There be no problem, lass.” Sincerely assured her Korgan. “Me be Korgan Bloodaxe, and if ye let me buy ye some good ale, I’ll forget about this table easily.”
“I am Belmara.” Said girl, hesitated but added: “I have no clan name…I was raised by humans.”
“Oy! Those longlimbs did an astonishing job! I’ve nae see more fair lass in all my bloody life!” Korgan said, hungrily studying his new acquaintance. Her biceps were almost bigger than his!
Girl’s ruddy face became almost completely pink. “Do …do you really think so?”
“By my grandfather’s four-feet long beard, aye!” swore Korgan.
“Very well, Korgan Bloodaxe.” She said merrily, still blushing. “Let’s taste this good ale of yours. Oh, and they are my companions” she nodded to woman in cloak and short, yellow-skinned man with long curved sword.
“This is one of my best friends, drow Viconia DeVir and Yoshimo, who recently joined us.”
