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Lori’s Dead 2-Prisoner


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#1 Guest_IriaZenn_*

Posted 11 February 2007 - 07:10 AM

Somehow I've found myself making this into a series. I'm open to comments.



Lori’s Dead 2-Prisoner

I was listening to some System of a Down, tears were pouring down my face as I listened to “ATWA”. The song reminded me of my family. Now that I was dead, I couldn’t go back to them, I had no more friends, all mine thought I was dead. I had even gone to my own funeral. Milo had kept his hand on mine, keeping me invisible to the humans. Humans, a few months ago I was a person and now I was calling my friends and family humans. I kept forgetting that I was once one of them, sick and dying day by day. I use to (and still do) have a quote from Gary Mark Gilmore, “Death is the only inescapable, unavoidable, sure thing. We are sentenced to die the day we’re born.” Now that I was dead, I could only wonder where I fit in this quote.

At my funeral I had watched a fight break out among my family and friends. Megan, or as I called her May-may, had started asking questions about my stuff. She had known that if anything happened to me, all my things would go to her. And no it wasn’t that she wanted my stuff. She was pissed because she thought my family had taken everything that was dear to me. She had started a screaming contest with my cousin Liz, who had the nerve to even show up. I knew why half of the family showed up, it was because they cared for my aunt. Don’t get me wrong I loved my aunt and I know that towards the end I had tried to make things right with her. You see, I had spent three years screaming at her for not being who I wanted. The one person I wanted in life was my great grandmom, my g-gram. Now that I was a vampire, I would never get to see her ever again.

I took my thoughts off my funeral for a moment to gaze at the picture that hung above my computer. It was g-gram being held by my great grandfather. It was a posed picture it really didn’t show them. Well it showed the height difference but it really didn’t show how strong either of them had been. Both of them could smile brighter than that and I knew they would rather be holding each other, holding hands or hugging. They had been that type of couple. I only had two pictures of my great grandparents. The big one and one my aunt had put in my coffin.

Surprisingly, it had been an open coffin funeral, one of Milo’s friends could shape shift and had done the honors. Liz had been really nasty about my death, like it was my fault. I had been hit by a car, not committed suicide Megan had punched her when she had said it was all I deserved. Mark, Megan’s husband had pulled her back and received a punch in his back. At that all hell had broke out. No one hit Mark, unless you happen to be Megan. Some of my cousins just yelled and tried to stop the fight, while some of my friends joined in. Man, could Paul really fight.

It had finally all stopped when my coffin was knocked over and the friend of Milo’s fell out to the floor. It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop, my aunt had gotten up and with her frail body had tried to push “me” back into the coffin. No one said a word, when Liz had tried to get my aunt up off her knees, she was pushed away. I watched my aunt straighten “my” hair and the red prom gown “I” had been placed in. My cousin Ed and Paul had lifted the coffin and placed it back on the stand. After that the funeral had been subdued. More funeral-like and not more World of Warcaft. I realized my aunt was crying and I just lost it. I wanted to go to her so badly, I started crying and trying to pull away from Milo. He just picked me up and slung me over his shoulder. I was screaming and crying and that was the last time I saw any of them. So excuse me while I cry...

I wiped away my tears and changed the song on my Winamp player. Now I was listening to Rush, the best thing to come out of Canada. At least in my not so humble opinion. I was a prisoner at the moment. I was living in a apartment downtown somewhere. In a high-rise of all things. When I looked out the windows I swore I was up sixty stories. Of course with my fear of heights, it could just be three... Milo had purposely chosen it to keep me under control until I could “control” myself. Controlling myself was basically me not telling anyone I was still alive.
The first place had been an abandoned building, with bars on the windows. Milo had stuck me in a room that had most of my stuff, I was missing my games and my tv, but it had my Alienware computer, and my GBA SP, black of course. It had been a surprise when I had turned on the computer.

My stories were finished. More to the point someone else had finished all the chapters of Misery & Happiness and Twist of Fate, and whoever it was that dared to touch my computer had the nerve to finish the Corren and Anna’s Story. I almost wreaked the computer but I sat down and read through the chapters. The stories sucked, I know I’m not the best of writer, but this was horrible, the messages I had been trying to get across in each of my stories was gone, it was all straight forward and bland. First thing I did was check the Attic and was sighing with relief that none of the new content had been posted. Guess they didn’t know my password. I was going to keep it that way too. I deleted those files with great delight. The only problem was I was not in a writing mood. I was more in a get-back-to-my-aunt mood. I stayed in my room for a few months until I got motived.

So I tried running away, pulling the bars off the window as quietly as possible and jumped out the second floor window. It hurt, mainly because I fell on my ass. I am not a cat people. I ran. I was somewhere on Broad Street and the Blvd. Not too far from where I was “killed”. I started running as fast as I could, and apparently as fast as I could was just slightly slower than the Flash. I wasn’t even out of breath. I had just run over a mile in two minutes. I was a-fucking-mazed, hell in life I couldn’t run a block without panting. Sad but true. I was at Cottman, I was almost to my Aunt’s when I saw him.

Baldassare.

God, he was beautiful. Black hair and cerulean blue eyes, his hair was down to his ankles, I could tell this time as he wasn’t kneeling over me. That was a lot of hair, he had to be at least six feet five, the way I always described Dragonis’ height. I think Baldassare was the most beautiful man I ever saw. He was wearing a long leather coat, I didn’t know they made them that long. Oh and the muscles on the man, even from where I was standing I could see his clothes were tight enough, that nothing was hidden. I might have blushed if I had enough blood in my system.
“Going so soon, Lori?” Oh my god, he even had the sexiest voice, deep and dark like chocolate and with a thick Scottish brogue.

“I want to go home.” I stood my ground.

“Your home is back on Broad Street, there is nothing for you here.”

“I want to see my aunt ” I yelled at him.

“I’m afraid that is impossible.”

“Look either you get out of my way or I’m going to go through your ass ” He was in front of me before I finished my sentence. And I had thought I was fast. He had his hands on either side of my face. I tried punching him in the stomach but it was like hit a wall, a yummy flat six pack wall. No I must concentrate His face was closing in on mine, I couldn’t move, I tried punching him but I was really hurting myself than him.

“Are you finished?” When I opened my mouth to tell him off, he kissed me. I’ve been kissed many times both by girls and guys. May-may was the best female kisser and this disgusting glob of fat named Larry had been the best male. This guy, wow sounded too kiddish for me, but wow. My knees did that little buckling that all the romance novels talk about. His hands changed from my head to my waist to hold me up. I just kinda of froze and let him do what he wanted with my mouth. It was just..Wow. The kiss seemed to go on forever but probably only lasted five minutes. It seemed like the longest kiss in my life. It might have been.

He drew back with a smile on his face. Just for that I kneed him in the balls. I didn’t know him well enough for him to be smiling at me and frankly he was pissing me off with not letting have my way. What can I say? I’m an only child, I get my way or I throw a fit. Baldassare went down to his knees taking me with him. I scrambled backwards and kicked him in the face. One thing I can say is I have strong legs. I smashed his pretty face with my boot heel. I kept kicking until I felt him go slack. Guess even vampires could be knocked out.

I got up without a glance to him, and started back towards my Aunt’s. My leg was killing me from kicking my sire. He was not my master. I was no one servant, my ancestors may have sold their selves for a ride to this country but that didn’t make me a slave. Of course the other ancestors were here before it even became America. That’s a different tangent though. I was finally in front of my aunt’s house, I opened the screen door and started to knock. When I touched the front door, I noticed that it was unlocked.

She lived in a good area but having your door unlocked was just begging to be robbed. I went inside and locked the door behind me. Okay, I know I have been thrown out a year and some months ago and the reason for the new locks was so I couldn’t get in...but I was really dead. Had been for a while now. Surely my aunt would let me move back in?

“Oscar?” I called out softly, trying to get that mutt of hers up before he woke her up barking. He never comes when I call him. I walked quietly up the stairs, avoiding the creaking steps. The door to my aunt room was open and I walked in.

Into an empty room.


My aunt wasn’t here. Who was there was Milo. The jackass was sitting right where my aunt should have been laying.

“Where is she?”

“Well, kiddo. It’s like this, your aunt’s not here.”

“I can see that Where is she? What have you fang faces done with her?”

“Fang face that’s cute.” He chuckled as he stood. He moved before I could see it and I was choking. I clawed at his hand as he raised me up on my tiptoes.

“Where is she?” I choked out.

“She was hit by a car two days after her birthday, she’s in the hospital.” He said calmly, like he wasn’t bother by holding me up with one hand. Tears started run down my face.

“Why didn’t they tell me?” I started to fail about trying to get my breathe.

“You’re dead, Lori.” He said right before he broke my neck and out when the lights.

I was floating on waves, I couldn’t move but I could hear. I tried to remember where I was but I couldn’t. Had Milo dumped me in the Delaware? Possible, after all I really didn’t need to breathe, it was just a reflex, a habit now. I tried to feel with the rest of my body, I could feel blankets covering me, I could smell the cotton, feel the weight of them. I could feel my face, there was someone touching me. I struggled to open my eyes and got a brief glimpse of him. Baldassare of the perfect kiss and body. Damn him, didn’t he get the point that I didn’t like him. He caressed my face, allowing the safe edge of nails to skim down my jaw. Ooh that felt nice. If I could have moved, I think I would have hit him again. Who am I kidding? Just laying there I could feel his body heat, it was so warm, so inviting just to snuggle up in it.

“I can sense you’re awake now.” I started to tune him out as soon as I heard him, he in turn, turned my face towards him and forced my eyes open. “Now, Lori, I must remind you that you are dead to your old life. There are some acepects you can keep, such as your online life, your writing. After all only you knew your pen name. I am allowing Milo to take you to the Trocadero Theatre to see Cradle of Filth. Then I will allow you to go to see the Cruxshadows on Valentine’s Day. I am only doing this in hopes that you will start to see the world I can offer you as I have take the old one away.” He moved something off my neck, something that had been keeping me still. I could move again, but before I did, he was on top of me, pinning me to the bed with his body and hands on my wrists. He loomed over me with that damn smile of his. “A kiss to see me off?” He pressed his lips against mine ever so gently and then he was gone.

“I don’t like him.” I said aloud to myself. I was going to figure out how the hell the vamps were moving faster than I could see, then they’ll see, oh yes, they will pay.

#2 Guest_Dadri_*

Posted 15 March 2007 - 05:30 AM

I was listening to some System of a Down, tears were pouring down my face as I listened to “ATWA”. The song reminded me of my family. Now that I was dead, I couldn’t go back to them, I had no more friends, all mine thought I was dead. I had even gone to my own funeral. Milo had kept his hand on mine, keeping me invisible to the humans. Humans, a few months ago I was a person and now I was calling my friends and family humans. I kept forgetting that I was once one of them, sick and dying day by day. I use to (and still do) have a quote from Gary Mark Gilmore, “Death is the only inescapable, unavoidable, sure thing. We are sentenced to die the day we’re born.” Now that I was dead, I could only wonder where I fit in this quote.


Well, that's easy. Dead, but not gone. :) Of course, being dead and not gone obviously adds a few unexpected twists to the future, clearly.

At my funeral I had watched a fight break out among my family and friends. Megan, or as I called her May-may, had started asking questions about my stuff. She had known that if anything happened to me, all my things would go to her. And no it wasn’t that she wanted my stuff. She was pissed because she thought my family had taken everything that was dear to me. She had started a screaming contest with my cousin Liz, who had the nerve to even show up. I knew why half of the family showed up, it was because they cared for my aunt. Don’t get me wrong I loved my aunt and I know that towards the end I had tried to make things right with her. You see, I had spent three years screaming at her for not being who I wanted. The one person I wanted in life was my great grandmom, my g-gram. Now that I was a vampire, I would never get to see her ever again.


Hind sight is twenty twenty. Guilt is not a good reason to continue to associate with someone, however. Still, I think it would be rather frustrating to have to witness a fight between friends and family but not be able to participate. I wonder indeed why Milo even brought you there, most funerals I've been to would make the body get up protesting if they weren't already dead...either protesting that everyone had got it wrong or protesting that someone was there who never really gave a da- um, darn. :D

I took my thoughts off my funeral for a moment to gaze at the picture that hung above my computer. It was g-gram being held by my great grandfather. It was a posed picture it really didn’t show them. Well it showed the height difference but it really didn’t show how strong either of them had been. Both of them could smile brighter than that and I knew they would rather be holding each other, holding hands or hugging. They had been that type of couple. I only had two pictures of my great grandparents. The big one and one my aunt had put in my coffin.


I really think this chapter would do better starting out at the funeral, first hand. I think setting the stage at the funeral, knowing who is playing the part of dead lori, while knowing Milo is holding invisible lori being forced to watching would paint a clearer picture of the event. I realize that Lori is at the computer thinking about these things, but it would be easier to have a clear break from the funeral than to go back to the computer, then back to the funeral.

Surprisingly, it had been an open coffin funeral, one of Milo’s friends could shape shift and had done the honors. Liz had been really nasty about my death, like it was my fault. I had been hit by a car, not committed suicide Megan had punched her when she had said it was all I deserved. Mark, Megan’s husband had pulled her back and received a punch in his back. At that all hell had broke out. No one hit Mark, unless you happen to be Megan. Some of my cousins just yelled and tried to stop the fight, while some of my friends joined in. Man, could Paul really fight.


Again, I think this fight could be more exciting if we were witnessing it from Lori's place in the room with Milo restraining her rather than from the memory of it.

It had finally all stopped when my coffin was knocked over and the friend of Milo’s fell out to the floor. It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop, my aunt had gotten up and with her frail body had tried to push “me” back into the coffin. No one said a word, when Liz had tried to get my aunt up off her knees, she was pushed away. I watched my aunt straighten “my” hair and the red prom gown “I” had been placed in. My cousin Ed and Paul had lifted the coffin and placed it back on the stand. After that the funeral had been subdued. More funeral-like and not more World of Warcaft. I realized my aunt was crying and I just lost it. I wanted to go to her so badly, I started crying and trying to pull away from Milo. He just picked me up and slung me over his shoulder. I was screaming and crying and that was the last time I saw any of them. So excuse me while I cry...


I liked the image that everyone straightened up and remembered what they were there for... and like I said, I have no idea why he decided to take you to your funeral to convince you that your dead, as most people really wouldn't want to leave their families after their funerals...if the family is upset, the instinct is to calm them down, hug them, hold them, sooth them...if the family is not upset, there is the betrayal that you thought they cared....it's a no win situation. But there must a tradition or something.

I wiped away my tears and changed the song on my Winamp player. Now I was listening to Rush, the best thing to come out of Canada. At least in my not so humble opinion. I was a prisoner at the moment. I was living in a apartment downtown somewhere. In a high-rise of all things. When I looked out the windows I swore I was up sixty stories. Of course with my fear of heights, it could just be three... Milo had purposely chosen it to keep me under control until I could “control” myself. Controlling myself was basically me not telling anyone I was still alive.
The first place had been an abandoned building, with bars on the windows. Milo had stuck me in a room that had most of my stuff, I was missing my games and my tv, but it had my Alienware computer, and my GBA SP, black of course. It had been a surprise when I had turned on the computer.


Well, honestly, if you showed up after you were dead, don't you think its possible that you might give the person you visit a heart attack? And if they demanded an explanation? Um, I'm a vampire...it's not as bad as it sounds-? Or even if they accepted that you just came back (that wasn't me in the coffin!), how would you resist the urge to turn your family members in order to keep them from dying (and leaving you?)


So I tried running away, pulling the bars off the window as quietly as possible and jumped out the second floor window. It hurt, mainly because I fell on my ass. I am not a cat people. I ran. I was somewhere on Broad Street and the Blvd. Not too far from where I was “killed”. I started running as fast as I could, and apparently as fast as I could was just slightly slower than the Flash. I wasn’t even out of breath. I had just run over a mile in two minutes. I was a-fucking-mazed, hell in life I couldn’t run a block without panting. Sad but true. I was at Cottman, I was almost to my Aunt’s when I saw him.


Well, I would think they would be ready for this response, myself. Especially if you are not controlling yourself ;)

God, he was beautiful. Black hair and cerulean blue eyes, his hair was down to his ankles, I could tell this time as he wasn’t kneeling over me. That was a lot of hair, he had to be at least six feet five, the way I always described Dragonis’ height. I think Baldassare was the most beautiful man I ever saw. He was wearing a long leather coat, I didn’t know they made them that long. Oh and the muscles on the man, even from where I was standing I could see his clothes were tight enough, that nothing was hidden. I might have blushed if I had enough blood in my system.
“Going so soon, Lori?” Oh my god, he even had the sexiest voice, deep and dark like chocolate and with a thick Scottish brogue.


Use the hair!!! Use the hair! No, seriously, he's got centuries on you, so you're pretty much outclassed, but they must want you for something.

He drew back with a smile on his face. Just for that I kneed him in the balls. I didn’t know him well enough for him to be smiling at me and frankly he was pissing me off with not letting have my way. What can I say? I’m an only child, I get my way or I throw a fit. Baldassare went down to his knees taking me with him. I scrambled backwards and kicked him in the face. One thing I can say is I have strong legs. I smashed his pretty face with my boot heel. I kept kicking until I felt him go slack. Guess even vampires could be knocked out.


Or he's so used to being able to kiss his way to success.

She lived in a good area but having your door unlocked was just begging to be robbed. I went inside and locked the door behind me. Okay, I know I have been thrown out a year and some months ago and the reason for the new locks was so I couldn’t get in...but I was really dead. Had been for a while now. Surely my aunt would let me move back in?


And then you'd have to have this pretty tense conversation about how you are dead...but it's not that bad, really.

“Where is she?”

“Well, kiddo. It’s like this, your aunt’s not here.”

“I can see that Where is she? What have you fang faces done with her?”

“Fang face that’s cute.” He chuckled as he stood. He moved before I could see it and I was choking. I clawed at his hand as he raised me up on my tiptoes.

“Where is she?” I choked out.

“She was hit by a car two days after her birthday, she’s in the hospital.” He said calmly, like he wasn’t bother by holding me up with one hand. Tears started run down my face.

“Why didn’t they tell me?” I started to fail about trying to get my breathe.

“You’re dead, Lori.” He said right before he broke my neck and out when the lights.


Yeah, this is called denial, isn't it? ;)

Overall, I like the story but I think it could be a lot more exciting by showing us the funeral with dialog and action in the action.




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