Imoen felt awful. Her body ached all over, not helped in the slightest by the cramped conditions of her cage. She forced herself to look behind -- Jaheira and Minsc were still there, also coming round slowly from the tortures they'd also experienced. There was no sign of Khalid and Dynaheir, though.
She stood up shakily, her tunic torn and covered with her own dried blood. She had to cling to the bars of the cage to prevent herself from falling back down. It was almost as if every bit of strength had been sapped from her being. Taking a look around, she discovered that she could make out very little about their captivity; it was dark, so very dark. But in the next cage down was the final member of their group -- the closest thing she had to a sister. The thief girl felt immense relief -- everything would surely be all right now.
"Mary!" she whispered, hoping to rouse the girl from her sleep. Nothing happened, so Imoen resorted to using her full name. "Mary-Sue!"
A slight twitch... then the girl began to stir, slowly sitting up. It was as if a lantern had been lit in the centre of the room -- the sheer radiance gleaming from the girl's perfect skin was enough to illuminate the surroundings well enough for Imoen to see all the other cages -- thankfully empty. There were a few exits leading away from here -- they had to get to one, had to escape! But first they had to get out of these cages.
Imoen worked a hairpin free and began trying to pick her own lock while Mary-Sue gracefully and elegantly got to her feet, carefully brushing down her still-perfect white robe, then checked her impeccably styled raven-black hair that shone with health as it carefully framed her blemish-free heart-shaped face, letting only the tips of her ears poke through. Bloody elves, Imoen thought to herself. Always so bloody perfect.
She finally got frustrated with making no progress on her freedom, letting out an exasperated cry as she slumped away from the cage's door. Mary threw her a concerned look, then reached out, her long, slender arm easily fitting between the spaces of the bars.
"Give me the pin," she said, in that voice. A voice that was like vocal honey, dripping with sweetness; enough to make anyone pause in what they were doing and obey her, almost like a mindless drone. Which is exactly what Imoen found herself doing, despite all the times she'd tried to fight against it. The elven girl smiled, and a vaguely white light seemed to shine down on her like a spotlight before she turned, putting the pin into her own lock. There was a small 'click' almost instantly.
How the... Imoen would have been incensed were it not for the ridiculously soothing effect Mary's mere presence had on everyone. But she, the thief of the party, had spent her whole life picking locks, sneaking around, disarming traps! Yet Mary, the paladin/druid/bard/mage -- how did someone manage to be a paladin and a druid anyway? -- had shown her up, once again! But... she couldn't be angry. Not when those large, almond-shaped, sparkling, green eyes were shining at her, along with that wonderfully dazzling smile, showing off teeth that were whiter than snow. Imoen was so caught up in her dreamy staring that it took her several moments to realise Mary had opened up her cage too.
"Come, child," she said, her voice warm and comforting and strong and mellow. "We must hurry to rescue our friends, Jaheira and Minsc!"
Imoen nodded dumbly, staggering out of the cage as she tried to get the blood circulating around her limbs again as Mary glided off towards the others, like a large white angel. She was halfway there when there was a crash behind them, and Imoen looked around in horror to see Irenicus approaching, a large golem by his side.
"So, you escaped," he said, his emotionless voice mirroring the mask on his face. "But not for long, I am afraid. Potpan, here, will help you back into your cage before any... harm comes to you." He laughed, waving the golem forward.
"No!" Mary's voice was as warm and comforting and strong and mellow as normal, but this time it was also commanding. The creature stopped, seemingly confused, and Irenicus' mirth ceased instantly.
"You dare defy me?"
Imoen watched as Mary shook her head sadly, her large eyes suddenly changing colour and becoming a sparkling blue, showing off the sorrow and pity she obviously felt in her heart for their captor. "You don't wish to keep us imprisoned here any longer," she said, sailing across the floor towards him, like a beacon of light in the darkest of times.
"I don't?" He scratched his head, but already Imoen could see the change in his demeanour. The golem was still paused in mid-stride, looking dangerously like it was about to fall over. Mary's voice was like a spoken version of a confusion spell; people would begin talking to her, then suddenly change into completely different personalities by the end of the discussion. It could be quite overwhelming.
"Of course not," replied Mary lightly, shining an enigmatic smile at the mage. Imoen wished she could do that without having to wear that clunky Ring of Human Influence they'd been given outside Beregost. "You know you don't really want to keep us here, causing us pain and misery -- I know you're a stronger person than that! Whatever it is that you want, we can help you -- we can see you through your troubled times, and share the love and warmth we have together!"
Irenicus began to shake and Imoen briefly wondered if Mary had lost her touch; she prepared for the explosion of rage, and was stunned when he suddenly fell to his knees, massive, heaving sobs erupting from somewhere behind his mask.
"You don't understand!" he wailed. "I've lost everything! Everything! All because I wanted more than I could have!"
"There, there," Mary said soothingly, patting the man's back with amazing gentleness and compassion. "I know... I understand."
"How could you?" he snarled, pushing her away slightly. "Look at you! Everything you do is so... so utterly perfect! You have no idea what it is like to have lost everything! I can't even go back home!"
Mary's sad expression returned, her large brown -- brown?! -- eyes almost a window to the pain and suffering she'd experienced as an orphan, wandering the roads alone... -- alone?!? -- only her survival skills and extensive ranger knowledge enough to keep her alive.
Imoen blinked rapidly a few times, then shook her head. What the...?
"I, too, was cast away from my home," said Mary, in a sing-song voice. The lilting tones danced through the air, entrancing everyone present. "I could not return, for some believed that I was a danger to them." Her head bowed, her hands folded across her lap as she knelt, almost as if in a silent prayer; a divine vision of the purity of religion. "But I understood their worry. I forgave them," she continued, her voice so soft and low that it was almost impossible to hear, yet even Minsc and Jaheira, further away than Imoen, were listening intently. Despite their daze.
"You... you were?" asked Irenicus.
"I was," Mary nodded solemnly, reaching out and taking his hands in her own, as if he were a child that she was placating. "But I did go back -- and my old friends... they were delighted to see me, even when I had feared that it would not be the case! And I think you could go home too. I really do."
Imoen thought back to their return to Candlekeep those few weeks ago. It had been quite strange -- the thief had been sure that it was Mary, and not her, that Ulraunt didn't like; but when they passed through the gates and walked up to him, he'd sneered contemptuously at Imoen, then embraced Mary-Sue in a warm and loving hug, telling her she'd always been like a daughter to him and how he'd strive to fill Gorion's shoes. Then when Rieltar had mysteriously died, he'd had Imoen taken away as the prime suspect, and it was only Mary's influence that had managed to get her free, while at the same time persuading the Duke's of Baldur's Gate about Sarevok's Evil Intentions, and managing to solve the whole iron crisis without it coming down to bloodshed at all.
Oh yes, Mary was a stringent pacifist, but also able to wield any weapon in existence in the realms. Imoen had always wondered about that.
"You really think I could go home?" Irenicus was looking up at Mary with hopeful eyes. She was smiling down at him, stroking a few errant hairs away from his face. Imoen wondered how they got to be there, considering the mask and all.
"I think you can do anything you want to do," she said, her voice oozing with support. Imoen was feeling a little bit sick. "And we'll come with you -- we'll see this Queen Ellesime and show her how wrong she was to have taken the action she did! With a bit of support and understanding, you can go back to how it all was! You just need the love."
"How... how did you know her name?"
Mary's radiant smile continued, but there was no smugness or arrogance there. Only the all-knowing aura that surrounded her as often as the eerie white glow. "I know everything," she said, looking away, her benign eyes fixing themselves onto Imoen. The thief found her control slowly slipping as she passed into the sugar-induced haze that communication with Mary often invoked. "Imoen! Free Jaheira and Minsc -- we have a long road ahead of us."
The human girl turned away, unable to resist the orders of Mary while trying to blank out the rest of the conversation she was having with Irenicus. The cages were locked, and no matter how hard Imoen tried to get them open, it wouldn't work. A sigh behind her signalled Mary's appearance. With just one touch to each of the prisons, Jaheira's doors sprang open and Minsc's cage just broke apart, and Mary beamed with happiness, hugging each of her friends before returning to the formerly evil mage, helping him to his feet as she assured him they'd stick by his side. Jaheira was staring blankly at the scene, but eventually she looked to Imoen and spoke.
"Child, your friend is most unnatural."
"Well." Imoen laughed nervously. "She is a Bhaalspawn."
"Then if this is the effect the taint has, it is dire indeed." The druid sighed. "Let us worry about that when we leave here. Our friends are missing, and it concerns me."
"We will find them before we go," came Mary's voice, showing that no matter how far away you thought you were, she could still hear everything. "Joneleth says that they might be dead, but fear not my friends! I will bring them back to life, because I have the gift!"
A strange silence fell, but Mary's magnificent smile invoked optimism and hope in them all. They knew she could do anything she wanted, and so the momentarily passing away of their friends was not to be mourned. They would be back soon.
"Boo says that he does not understand how Mary can be quite so good at everything." Minsc sounded quite puzzled. "And Minsc must agree. Since we joined forces, there has been no evil requiring a butt-kicking of justice! Instead, little Mary talks to them, and we find ourselves helping them to become better people."
"I dunno," Imoen shrugged. "She's just... real good with this diplomacy thing, ya know?"
Minsc didn't look convinced, and Jaheira was holding her head in her hands, trying to fight what Imoen had come to refer to as the 'Mary-Sue Effect'. She knew it wouldn't be long before they all succumbed to it again, swallowed into the vast depths of Mary's perfection, where they became nothing more than silent sidekicks, mutely watching as she single-handedly charmed her way through Faerûn, showing another talent or skill at every turn.
The last thing Imoen thought before the sensation completely took her over, compelling her to follow in the Bhaalspawn's footsteps once more was: If that's what it means to be the child of a dead god, then thank Mask it's not me!
Mary (Not *really* on topic, but... still annoying...)
Started by
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, Jan 31 2007 09:48 AM
18 replies to this topic
#4
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Posted 31 January 2007 - 03:22 PM
Oh no! *shudders* That kind of thing shouldn't happen to an unsuspecting megalomaniac. Too cruel, too cruel! I love the way you use Imoen to describe the irresistable Mary Sue Effect.
p.s. Have you seen this short webcomic? Oops, sorry, the link doesn't seem to be working. But if you type 'sparklypoo' and 'comic' into google, you should go straight there.
p.s. Have you seen this short webcomic? Oops, sorry, the link doesn't seem to be working. But if you type 'sparklypoo' and 'comic' into google, you should go straight there.
#5
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Posted 31 January 2007 - 05:45 PM
She stood up shakily, her tunic torn and covered with her own dried blood. She had to cling to the bars of the cage to prevent herself from falling back down. It was almost as if every bit of strength had been sapped from her being. Taking a look around, she discovered that she could make out very little about their captivity; it was dark, so very dark. But in the next cage down was the final member of their group -- the closest thing she had to a sister. The thief girl felt immense relief -- everything would surely be all right now.
Imoen: Wish I was that much of an optimist...
"Mary!" she whispered, hoping to rouse the girl from her sleep. Nothing happened, so Imoen resorted to using her full name. "Mary-Sue!"
A slight twitch... then the girl began to stir, slowly sitting up. It was as if a lantern had been lit in the centre of the room -- the sheer radiance gleaming from the girl's perfect skin was enough to illuminate the surroundings well enough for Imoen to see all the other cages -- thankfully empty. There were a few exits leading away from here -- they had to get to one, had to escape! But first they had to get out of these cages.
Tarant: Even if I disagreed, and I do, I somehow get the feeling there's not a thing that can be done to keep her locked inside.
Imoen worked a hairpin free and began trying to pick her own lock while Mary-Sue gracefully and elegantly got to her feet, carefully brushing down her still-perfect white robe, then checked her impeccably styled raven-black hair that shone with health as it carefully framed her blemish-free heart-shaped face, letting only the tips of her ears poke through. Bloody elves, Imoen thought to herself. Always so bloody perfect.
Aerie: A-am I perfect?
Tarant: If you stopped flurtively staring at your feet all the time then maybe you'd be average.
Aerie: Okay.
She finally got frustrated with making no progress on her freedom, letting out an exasperated cry as she slumped away from the cage's door. Mary threw her a concerned look, then reached out, her long, slender arm easily fitting between the spaces of the bars.
Aerie: I could reach through the bars of my cage... but every time I did someone would come along and break my arm...
Imoen: I think if they tried do that to Mary-Sue she'd grab hold of them, pull them inside and take their keys. She'd then then leave them with a list of other potential employers so they can start contributing to society in a positive way.
How the... Imoen would have been incensed were it not for the ridiculously soothing effect Mary's mere presence had on everyone. But she, the thief of the party, had spent her whole life picking locks, sneaking around, disarming traps! Yet Mary, the paladin/druid/bard/mage -- how did someone manage to be a paladin and a druid anyway? -- had shown her up, once again! But... she couldn't be angry. Not when those large, almond-shaped, sparkling, green eyes were shining at her, along with that wonderfully dazzling smile, showing off teeth that were whiter than snow. Imoen was so caught up in her dreamy staring that it took her several moments to realise Mary had opened up her cage too.
Tarant: She's beautiful... no, wait! I hate her! I hate everyone and everything! Only... no! Got to keep it together...
Imoen: Sorry Bro... you're fictional so you're not immune.
"I don't?" He scratched his head, but already Imoen could see the change in his demeanour. The golem was still paused in mid-stride, looking dangerously like it was about to fall over. Mary's voice was like a spoken version of a confusion spell; people would begin talking to her, then suddenly change into completely different personalities by the end of the discussion. It could be quite overwhelming.
Imoen: This Mary sure is impressive...
Tarant: To the hells with Mary... Actually please don't tell her I said that. How is she? Does she want some hot chocolate? Aerie! Stop dawdling and bring Mary a mug!
Aerie: Owww...
Mary's sad expression returned, her large brown -- brown?! -- eyes almost a window to the pain and suffering she'd experienced as an orphan, wandering the roads alone... -- alone?!? -- only her survival skills and extensive ranger knowledge enough to keep her alive.
Imoen blinked rapidly a few times, then shook her head. What the...?
Imoen: Yeah... this is kinda hard to keep track of...
Imoen thought back to their return to Candlekeep those few weeks ago. It had been quite strange -- the thief had been sure that it was Mary, and not her, that Ulraunt didn't like; but when they passed through the gates and walked up to him, he'd sneered contemptuously at Imoen, then embraced Mary-Sue in a warm and loving hug, telling her she'd always been like a daughter to him and how he'd strive to fill Gorion's shoes. Then when Rieltar had mysteriously died, he'd had Imoen taken away as the prime suspect, and it was only Mary's influence that had managed to get her free, while at the same time persuading the Duke's of Baldur's Gate about Sarevok's Evil Intentions, and managing to solve the whole iron crisis without it coming down to bloodshed at all.
Imoen: Well, to be fair Immy you probably shouldn't have done all those things. Just thank the heavens Mary was there to help you... I think...
"I think you can do anything you want to do," she said, her voice oozing with support. Imoen was feeling a little bit sick. "And we'll come with you -- we'll see this Queen Ellesime and show her how wrong she was to have taken the action she did! With a bit of support and understanding, you can go back to how it all was! You just need the love."
Aerie: (sniffs) I've said some really bad things before... I'm so sorry...
Imoen: (crying) I've stolen from everybody... and made fun of people...
Edwin: My parents never loved me! Waaaaaahhhh!!!
Aerie: I-t's okay sir... everything will be fine now...
Imoen: Thanks to Mary...
"Boo says that he does not understand how Mary can be quite so good at everything." Minsc sounded quite puzzled. "And Minsc must agree. Since we joined forces, there has been no evil requiring a butt-kicking of justice! Instead, little Mary talks to them, and we find ourselves helping them to become better people."
Poor Minsc isn't getting any fun. But I suppose he's happy anyway.
The last thing Imoen thought before the sensation completely took her over, compelling her to follow in the Bhaalspawn's footsteps once more was: If that's what it means to be the child of a dead god, then thank Mask it's not me!
Imoen: Yeah! Er... yeah.
Hilarious stuff!
#7
Guest_arabellaesque_*
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Posted 31 January 2007 - 06:51 PM
That was priceless!
Why thank you
Also, it perfectly showcases how and why Mary Sues destroy stories.
Ah, yes. I admit, I try so hard to avoid any Mary-Sue-ish-ness that sometimes I worry if I'm being some kind of strange other breed of Mary-Sue that's just completely unbelievable for other reasons. And, incidentally.. the eye colour thing is something that almost always catches me out unless I already have a VERY good idea on what it is beforehand
Oh, and thanks for reading and commenting! *pats self*
#9
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Posted 31 January 2007 - 06:56 PM
Oh no! *shudders* That kind of thing shouldn't happen to an unsuspecting megalomaniac. Too cruel, too cruel! I love the way you use Imoen to describe the irresistable Mary Sue Effect.
I wasn't sure how to go about it in the start -- and I had to firmly resolve *not* to degenerate into making Mary use some form of butchered English to get her point across... but that would have been woefully inelegant!
p.s. Have you seen this short webcomic? Oops, sorry, the link doesn't seem to be working. But if you type 'sparklypoo' and 'comic' into google, you should go straight there.
Oh, that's soooo funny! It reminded me of a story I read from the Harry Potter section of ff.net... (occassionally I find something wonderful in there...)
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2972305/1/
It originally gave me the parody urge, though it's taken me months to get round to doing anything with it
And thanks for reading and commenting!
#10
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Posted 31 January 2007 - 07:02 PM
She stood up shakily, her tunic torn and covered with her own dried blood. She had to cling to the bars of the cage to prevent herself from falling back down. It was almost as if every bit of strength had been sapped from her being. Taking a look around, she discovered that she could make out very little about their captivity; it was dark, so very dark. But in the next cage down was the final member of their group -- the closest thing she had to a sister. The thief girl felt immense relief -- everything would surely be all right now.
Imoen: Wish I was that much of an optimist...
Mary: Everything will be fine, child. How can it now be? I am here!
"Mary!" she whispered, hoping to rouse the girl from her sleep. Nothing happened, so Imoen resorted to using her full name. "Mary-Sue!"
A slight twitch... then the girl began to stir, slowly sitting up. It was as if a lantern had been lit in the centre of the room -- the sheer radiance gleaming from the girl's perfect skin was enough to illuminate the surroundings well enough for Imoen to see all the other cages -- thankfully empty. There were a few exits leading away from here -- they had to get to one, had to escape! But first they had to get out of these cages.
Tarant: Even if I disagreed, and I do, I somehow get the feeling there's not a thing that can be done to keep her locked inside.
Imoen: Nuh-uh. Not when you have every skill under the sun!
Imoen worked a hairpin free and began trying to pick her own lock while Mary-Sue gracefully and elegantly got to her feet, carefully brushing down her still-perfect white robe, then checked her impeccably styled raven-black hair that shone with health as it carefully framed her blemish-free heart-shaped face, letting only the tips of her ears poke through. Bloody elves, Imoen thought to herself. Always so bloody perfect.
Aerie: A-am I perfect?
Tarant: If you stopped flurtively staring at your feet all the time then maybe you'd be average.
Aerie: Okay.
I <3 Tarant!
She finally got frustrated with making no progress on her freedom, letting out an exasperated cry as she slumped away from the cage's door. Mary threw her a concerned look, then reached out, her long, slender arm easily fitting between the spaces of the bars.
Aerie: I could reach through the bars of my cage... but every time I did someone would come along and break my arm...
Imoen: I think if they tried do that to Mary-Sue she'd grab hold of them, pull them inside and take their keys. She'd then then leave them with a list of other potential employers so they can start contributing to society in a positive way.
Mary: Everyone can be rehabilitated with the power of my love!
How the... Imoen would have been incensed were it not for the ridiculously soothing effect Mary's mere presence had on everyone. But she, the thief of the party, had spent her whole life picking locks, sneaking around, disarming traps! Yet Mary, the paladin/druid/bard/mage -- how did someone manage to be a paladin and a druid anyway? -- had shown her up, once again! But... she couldn't be angry. Not when those large, almond-shaped, sparkling, green eyes were shining at her, along with that wonderfully dazzling smile, showing off teeth that were whiter than snow. Imoen was so caught up in her dreamy staring that it took her several moments to realise Mary had opened up her cage too.
Tarant: She's beautiful... no, wait! I hate her! I hate everyone and everything! Only... no! Got to keep it together...
Imoen: Sorry Bro... you're fictional so you're not immune.
Maiyn: Oh Fenmarel, keep her away from Coran...
"I don't?" He scratched his head, but already Imoen could see the change in his demeanour. The golem was still paused in mid-stride, looking dangerously like it was about to fall over. Mary's voice was like a spoken version of a confusion spell; people would begin talking to her, then suddenly change into completely different personalities by the end of the discussion. It could be quite overwhelming.
Imoen: This Mary sure is impressive...
Tarant: To the hells with Mary... Actually please don't tell her I said that. How is she? Does she want some hot chocolate? Aerie! Stop dawdling and bring Mary a mug!
Aerie: Owww...
Mary: It's okay, I can conjure a mug of chocolate up for myself, and for everyone else. And a side dish of biscuits.
Mary's sad expression returned, her large brown -- brown?! -- eyes almost a window to the pain and suffering she'd experienced as an orphan, wandering the roads alone... -- alone?!? -- only her survival skills and extensive ranger knowledge enough to keep her alive.
Imoen blinked rapidly a few times, then shook her head. What the...?
Imoen: Yeah... this is kinda hard to keep track of...
Imoen: It's like she picks up a new skilset every ten seconds.
Jaheira: It's as long as 10?
Imoen: Well, depends on your reading speed, I guess.
Imoen thought back to their return to Candlekeep those few weeks ago. It had been quite strange -- the thief had been sure that it was Mary, and not her, that Ulraunt didn't like; but when they passed through the gates and walked up to him, he'd sneered contemptuously at Imoen, then embraced Mary-Sue in a warm and loving hug, telling her she'd always been like a daughter to him and how he'd strive to fill Gorion's shoes. Then when Rieltar had mysteriously died, he'd had Imoen taken away as the prime suspect, and it was only Mary's influence that had managed to get her free, while at the same time persuading the Duke's of Baldur's Gate about Sarevok's Evil Intentions, and managing to solve the whole iron crisis without it coming down to bloodshed at all.
Imoen: Well, to be fair Immy you probably shouldn't have done all those things. Just thank the heavens Mary was there to help you... I think...
Mary: I could not let my friend suffer! It was unjust and wrong, and the least I could do was to talk to everyone, make them understand the mistake they were prepared to make! *flashes a dazzling smile*
"I think you can do anything you want to do," she said, her voice oozing with support. Imoen was feeling a little bit sick. "And we'll come with you -- we'll see this Queen Ellesime and show her how wrong she was to have taken the action she did! With a bit of support and understanding, you can go back to how it all was! You just need the love."
Aerie: (sniffs) I've said some really bad things before... I'm so sorry...
Imoen: (crying) I've stolen from everybody... and made fun of people...
Edwin: My parents never loved me! Waaaaaahhhh!!!
Aerie: I-t's okay sir... everything will be fine now...
Imoen: Thanks to Mary...
"Boo says that he does not understand how Mary can be quite so good at everything." Minsc sounded quite puzzled. "And Minsc must agree. Since we joined forces, there has been no evil requiring a butt-kicking of justice! Instead, little Mary talks to them, and we find ourselves helping them to become better people."
Poor Minsc isn't getting any fun. But I suppose he's happy anyway.
I don't know. I think Boo's maybe protecting him from some of the effect, and he's just left being perpetually confused and frustrated. A sequel -- 'Minsc Goes Mad' might have an amusing insight into the berserker being pushed over the edge, having had just a bit too much of Mary's do-goodie-ness.
The last thing Imoen thought before the sensation completely took her over, compelling her to follow in the Bhaalspawn's footsteps once more was: If that's what it means to be the child of a dead god, then thank Mask it's not me!
Imoen: Yeah! Er... yeah.
Thanks! It was fun to write!
And thanks for reading and commenting!
#14
Guest_arabellaesque_*
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Posted 31 January 2007 - 11:33 PM
B-b-but I love Mary-Sue! Why do you people make fun of her?
Teehee! With *your* quality of writing, I do doubt you're at all familiar with Mary-Sues
Great parody, arabellaesque!
Thank you!
And thanks for reading and commenting!
#15
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Posted 31 January 2007 - 11:36 PM
My ... head... It ... hurts...!
*offers painkillers*
Lovely parody. Thank Shevaresh none of the stories on the Attic bar the parodies are like this. I wish I could say that about all fanfic sites.
Yep -- that's why I generally feel safe to read anything appearing on here without having the slight fear in my mind: 'Oh god, what am I going to see...'
I'm (admittedly) very much a loiterer on ff.net, where most of my stuff seems to end up; but even there, compared to some other categories, the BG one has quite a few talented writers that make it a delight to browse.
Some of the other categories there terrify me though...
But thanks for reading and commenting!
#16
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Posted 04 February 2007 - 10:21 PM
"Mary!" she whispered, hoping to rouse the girl from her sleep. Nothing happened, so Imoen resorted to using her full name. "Mary-Sue!"
Oh, perfect! This is just perfect!
Imoen worked a hairpin free and began trying to pick her own lock while Mary-Sue gracefully and elegantly got to her feet, carefully brushing down her still-perfect white robe, then checked her impeccably styled raven-black hair that shone with health as it carefully framed her blemish-free heart-shaped face, letting only the tips of her ears poke through. Bloody elves, Imoen thought to herself. Always so bloody perfect.
Laska : HEY! What's that supposed to mean?!
"Give me the pin," she said, in that voice. A voice that was like vocal honey, dripping with sweetness; enough to make anyone pause in what they were doing and obey her, almost like a mindless drone. Which is exactly what Imoen found herself doing, despite all the times she'd tried to fight against it. The elven girl smiled, and a vaguely white light seemed to shine down on her like a spotlight before she turned, putting the pin into her own lock. There was a small 'click' almost instantly.
Errrgggg....
How the... Imoen would have been incensed were it not for the ridiculously soothing effect Mary's mere presence had on everyone. But she, the thief of the party, had spent her whole life picking locks, sneaking around, disarming traps! Yet Mary, the paladin/druid/bard/mage -- how did someone manage to be a paladin and a druid anyway? -- had shown her up, once again! But... she couldn't be angry. Not when those large, almond-shaped, sparkling, green eyes were shining at her, along with that wonderfully dazzling smile, showing off teeth that were whiter than snow. Imoen was so caught up in her dreamy staring that it took her several moments to realise Mary had opened up her cage too.
*shudder*
"I don't?" He scratched his head, but already Imoen could see the change in his demeanour. The golem was still paused in mid-stride, looking dangerously like it was about to fall over. Mary's voice was like a spoken version of a confusion spell; people would begin talking to her, then suddenly change into completely different personalities by the end of the discussion. It could be quite overwhelming.
"Of course not," replied Mary lightly, shining an enigmatic smile at the mage. Imoen wished she could do that without having to wear that clunky Ring of Human Influence they'd been given outside Beregost. "You know you don't really want to keep us here, causing us pain and misery -- I know you're a stronger person than that! Whatever it is that you want, we can help you -- we can see you through your troubled times, and share the love and warmth we have together!"
Right... where's that shotgun my granddad used to own?
Mary's sad expression returned, her large brown -- brown?! -- eyes almost a window to the pain and suffering she'd experienced as an orphan, wandering the roads alone... -- alone?!? -- only her survival skills and extensive ranger knowledge enough to keep her alive.
Oh, I would love to poke those 'brown' eyes out with a blunt letter-opener.
Oh yes, Mary was a stringent pacifist, but also able to wield any weapon in existence in the realms. Imoen had always wondered about that.
Braindeath is imminent.
"Child, your friend is most unnatural."
Let's hope something runs over her.
"Boo says that he does not understand how Mary can be quite so good at everything." Minsc sounded quite puzzled. "And Minsc must agree. Since we joined forces, there has been no evil requiring a butt-kicking of justice! Instead, little Mary talks to them, and we find ourselves helping them to become better people."
Have I ever told you about a fic that has a terrible Mary-Sue Eowyn converting the Witch-King to the cause of good right in the middle of battle on Pellinor Fields?
Nobody messes with the uber-cool evil Witch-King! GRRRRR!!!
The last thing Imoen thought before the sensation completely took her over, compelling her to follow in the Bhaalspawn's footsteps once more was: If that's what it means to be the child of a dead god, then thank Mask it's not me!
I feel dirty now.... I need a shower...
TnT Enhanced Edition: http://www.fanfictio...rds-and-Tempers
---
Sith Warrior - Master, I can sense your anger.
Darth Baras - A blind, comotose lobotomy-patient could sense my anger!
---
"The New Age? It's just the old age stuck in a microwave oven for fifteen seconds" - James Randi
---
Sith Warrior - Master, I can sense your anger.
Darth Baras - A blind, comotose lobotomy-patient could sense my anger!
---
"The New Age? It's just the old age stuck in a microwave oven for fifteen seconds" - James Randi
#17
Guest_AlphaMonkey_*
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Posted 05 February 2007 - 06:56 AM
"Mary!" she whispered, hoping to rouse the girl from her sleep. Nothing happened, so Imoen resorted to using her full name. "Mary-Sue!"
Kill it! Quickly!
Bloody elves, Imoen thought to herself. Always so bloody perfect.
That's a myth.
Yet Mary, the paladin/druid/bard/mage -- how did someone manage to be a paladin and a druid anyway? -- had shown her up, once again!
/me shakes a fist. Damn you, Wesley Crusher!
I mean... er... um...
Imoen watched as Mary shook her head sadly, her large eyes suddenly changing colour and becoming a sparkling blue, showing off the sorrow and pity she obviously felt in her heart for their captor.
Yeah, that is a trick of the Sues, isn't it? The whole changing eye color deal... (Shakes head)
"You don't wish to keep us imprisoned here any longer," she said, sailing across the floor towards him, like a beacon of light in the darkest of times.
Gozer the Gozerian... good evening. As a duly appointed representative of the city, county, and state of New York, I order you to cease any and all paranormal activity and return forthwith to your place of origin, or the nearest convenient parallel dimension.
"But I understood their worry. I forgave them,"
Oh, she's got SUCH a good heart!
(Gag)
I will bring them back to life, because I have the gift!
I'm still pretty sure a thermonuclear explosion will drop her... Sue or no Sue.
#18
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Posted 05 February 2007 - 06:25 PM
"Mary!" she whispered, hoping to rouse the girl from her sleep. Nothing happened, so Imoen resorted to using her full name. "Mary-Sue!"
Oh, perfect! This is just perfect!
Imoen worked a hairpin free and began trying to pick her own lock while Mary-Sue gracefully and elegantly got to her feet, carefully brushing down her still-perfect white robe, then checked her impeccably styled raven-black hair that shone with health as it carefully framed her blemish-free heart-shaped face, letting only the tips of her ears poke through. Bloody elves, Imoen thought to herself. Always so bloody perfect.
Laska : HEY! What's that supposed to mean?!
Imoen: Er... I don't know, my mind... all fuzzy when Mary's around, ya know?
"Give me the pin," she said, in that voice. A voice that was like vocal honey, dripping with sweetness; enough to make anyone pause in what they were doing and obey her, almost like a mindless drone. Which is exactly what Imoen found herself doing, despite all the times she'd tried to fight against it. The elven girl smiled, and a vaguely white light seemed to shine down on her like a spotlight before she turned, putting the pin into her own lock. There was a small 'click' almost instantly.
Errrgggg....
Here, have a vomit-bucket
How the... Imoen would have been incensed were it not for the ridiculously soothing effect Mary's mere presence had on everyone. But she, the thief of the party, had spent her whole life picking locks, sneaking around, disarming traps! Yet Mary, the paladin/druid/bard/mage -- how did someone manage to be a paladin and a druid anyway? -- had shown her up, once again! But... she couldn't be angry. Not when those large, almond-shaped, sparkling, green eyes were shining at her, along with that wonderfully dazzling smile, showing off teeth that were whiter than snow. Imoen was so caught up in her dreamy staring that it took her several moments to realise Mary had opened up her cage too.
*shudder*
Yes, it does cause that reaction...
"I don't?" He scratched his head, but already Imoen could see the change in his demeanour. The golem was still paused in mid-stride, looking dangerously like it was about to fall over. Mary's voice was like a spoken version of a confusion spell; people would begin talking to her, then suddenly change into completely different personalities by the end of the discussion. It could be quite overwhelming.
"Of course not," replied Mary lightly, shining an enigmatic smile at the mage. Imoen wished she could do that without having to wear that clunky Ring of Human Influence they'd been given outside Beregost. "You know you don't really want to keep us here, causing us pain and misery -- I know you're a stronger person than that! Whatever it is that you want, we can help you -- we can see you through your troubled times, and share the love and warmth we have together!"
Right... where's that shotgun my granddad used to own?
Elmer Fudd: *offers his*
Mary's sad expression returned, her large brown -- brown?! -- eyes almost a window to the pain and suffering she'd experienced as an orphan, wandering the roads alone... -- alone?!? -- only her survival skills and extensive ranger knowledge enough to keep her alive.
Oh, I would love to poke those 'brown' eyes out with a blunt letter-opener.
Imoen: They'd be violet before you were even in position!
Oh yes, Mary was a stringent pacifist, but also able to wield any weapon in existence in the realms. Imoen had always wondered about that.
Braindeath is imminent.
Teehee!
"Child, your friend is most unnatural."
Let's hope something runs over her.
She's be able to avoid it, or somehow survive, and preach goodness to the driver while effortlessly making cars that were incapable of hurting anyone, and actually good for the environment, no matter how fast they travelled, but were still comfortable, and...
You get the idea
"Boo says that he does not understand how Mary can be quite so good at everything." Minsc sounded quite puzzled. "And Minsc must agree. Since we joined forces, there has been no evil requiring a butt-kicking of justice! Instead, little Mary talks to them, and we find ourselves helping them to become better people."
Have I ever told you about a fic that has a terrible Mary-Sue Eowyn converting the Witch-King to the cause of good right in the middle of battle on Pellinor Fields?
Nobody messes with the uber-cool evil Witch-King! GRRRRR!!!
Eghad! Those are the sort of fics that make me weep.
The last thing Imoen thought before the sensation completely took her over, compelling her to follow in the Bhaalspawn's footsteps once more was: If that's what it means to be the child of a dead god, then thank Mask it's not me!
I feel dirty now.... I need a shower...
I apologise for Mary having such an effect
Thanks for reading and commenting
#19
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Posted 05 February 2007 - 06:28 PM
"Mary!" she whispered, hoping to rouse the girl from her sleep. Nothing happened, so Imoen resorted to using her full name. "Mary-Sue!"
Kill it! Quickly!
Imoen: Y-you... can't! It keeps avoiding death!
Bloody elves, Imoen thought to herself. Always so bloody perfect.
That's a myth.
It is, but if you spent days upon days with this sort of elf, you'd start to generalise I bet
Yet Mary, the paladin/druid/bard/mage -- how did someone manage to be a paladin and a druid anyway? -- had shown her up, once again!
/me shakes a fist. Damn you, Wesley Crusher!
I mean... er... um...
!!Imoen watched as Mary shook her head sadly, her large eyes suddenly changing colour and becoming a sparkling blue, showing off the sorrow and pity she obviously felt in her heart for their captor.
Yeah, that is a trick of the Sues, isn't it? The whole changing eye color deal... (Shakes head)
It seems to be the most common thing to randomly change -- to the extent that I've become almost obsessively paranoid about using an eye colour anywhere unless it's a defining or noticeable thing!
"You don't wish to keep us imprisoned here any longer," she said, sailing across the floor towards him, like a beacon of light in the darkest of times.
Gozer the Gozerian... good evening. As a duly appointed representative of the city, county, and state of New York, I order you to cease any and all paranormal activity and return forthwith to your place of origin, or the nearest convenient parallel dimension.
Imoen: It won't wooork! She won't gooooo!
"But I understood their worry. I forgave them,"
Oh, she's got SUCH a good heart!
(Gag)
*offers you a vomit-bag too
*I will bring them back to life, because I have the gift!
I'm still pretty sure a thermonuclear explosion will drop her... Sue or no Sue.
Oh yes -- it would be difficult to think of a way to get her out of that...
Or would it?!
Thanks for reading and commenting!
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