I swear I hate my family. Or should I say my Aunt's family. Today around 9am my aunt was hit by a car, hard enough that she's in the hospital and her leg needs a cat scan.
I just found out. It's 11pm now. I talk to my Aunt everyday. Every Monday I go over her house for dinner. I'm trying really hard to be a good niece, or at least trying to make up for being a bad one. You see I have a mental illness, I suffer mainly from depression and rages. I lived with my aunt for three years after I was kicked out of my own house because my grandmother wanted her husband more than me. I was only 18 at the time, I hated everything around me for smiling. That and the fact everything I had gather up in the last 18 years was gone, pictures of my beloved great-grandparents, the people who loved me, and my music and games. I lost everything.
Now my aunt and my g-gram were sister in laws and were best friends. So I figured the only reason why I was staying with my Aunt was because of my g-grams friendship. I hated living there, her whole family looked down on me like I was white trash and they were so much better. My side of the family, if you are say a drunk, everyone lets you know until you stop drinking. Their side, they hide it, a well known secret and no one stops it.
I was born with my mental disorders and I never really stood a chance with my childhood. So I tried to keep it quite. I stayed in my room alot, when I got money I bought my games I so dearly loved. My Aunt and I fought all the time about school, jobs, my sleeping habits, my eating habits, even my gaming habits. She complained about my friends and my atitute.
I realize I had problems, these people were not really my family they were just distance cousins. I had been hurt enough that I didn't want to let them in to hurt me and to be honest all they cared about was the safety of my Aunt. I always went to my room after family meals or events. I once tried explaining on several occainions about my problems but everyone always said "It's just family, you should be comfortable." These people know all about my past, I don't "trust" family because my side is screwed up and we all know it. This side is all fucked up with mental disorders and they won't admit it. It's like they are all inbred or something. I was raised that having a mental disorder is something bad that you deserve. I know now that's not true.
But back to the whole topic. I'm so low in the family that no one told me what happened to my Aunt. I get so worried that she's going to die and no one will tell me. And they proved today that I'm right. When she's gone for good no one is going to tell me at all.
I just wish I could hurt them all by doing something that would effect each and everyone of them but even if I killed myself with a full note blaming them, they wouldn't care because I'm nothing to them.
Low on the food chain...
Started by
Guest_IriaZenn_*
, Jan 03 2007 04:21 AM
16 replies to this topic
#5
Guest_Lord E_*
Guest_Lord E_*
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Posted 10 January 2007 - 07:50 PM
You live a loveless life, girl. I don't know what to say except that you don't deserve to. I don't know if you can find solace in prayer or benevolent churh (I realize this is a *bad* idea if the church is not of the benevolent kind), or if there is any sort of therapy available. Hope it will get better for you. You also should be on medication probably, it really helps (I know what I'm talking about on this).
#9
Guest_IriaZenn_*
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Posted 11 February 2007 - 01:54 AM
Well it's been about a month. No one in the family is keeping in touch with me. So I've been keeping in touch with my Aunt. She's recovering and should be home in six more weeks. I'm surprised that I haven't been asked to stop calling her... That's it for now. 
#11
Guest_Reality-Helix_*
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Posted 23 February 2007 - 06:28 PM
Hmmm. Gotta ask lest I offend: D'you like hugs? Real ones? I know that some people don't, but I'm such a tactile person that it's the first think I can think of, the best thing I can give, you know? Even if it is only virtual.
But if not, I can bugger off, no problem.
But if not, I can bugger off, no problem.
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