Baldur’s Gate Heroes #002
“So what’s the job?” Imoen adjusted the passenger seat so that she could lean back with her hands behind her head. It may have been a more attractive pose if she wasn’t still wearing her Jan Burger uniform which stank of grease. “Who are we working for? Where are we going? Will I need a swimsuit? You should know I won’t steal anything from anyone who isn’t a villain.”
“If I may answer only one question at a time,” Yoshimo said whilst shifting gears.
“Well… if that’s the custom in your country. So where are we going?”
“An island in the pacific. You won’t have heard of it, as it is made up.”
“Uh… what?”
“I mean, it was created by artificial means. Some experiment trying to draw power from the Earth’s core caused land to rise to surface… but the island still does not appear on any maps.”
“Uh-huh… does it have beach? What we going there for? We will have time to relax won’t we?”
“One question at a time, please,” the Japanese man insisted. “Why do people in your country talk so much?”
“It’s because we’re all so clever you see? We’re like trains loaded with goods, and when we open our mouths there’s so much information that needs to come out that it takes a while for the breaks to work.”
Yoshimo looked highly doubtful. “This…” he produced a photograph from inside his suit and allowed it to fall onto Imoen’s chest. “This is what we need to retrieve.”
The red-head took one look and shook her head. “No way. Sorry, don’t do kidnappings.”
“She’s already been kidnapped; our job is to get her back.”
Imoen sighed and lay back again. In hindsight, it would probably have been wise to ask all these questions before quitting her job and jumping into a car with a suspicious stranger… but she hadn’t, so she guessed she was now kind of committed. If nothing else, she was barely able to pay her way with the money Jansen’s paid… one little theft however could see her by for at least a year before she had to steal something else. Diana would be frowning on her from heaven for that though… but rescuing a damsel? There was no way she could object to that.
“So who is she?” Imoen asked. Even though it was very strange to a westerner, she stuck to the custom of one question at a time, rather than trying to blurt everything out at once.
“She isn’t really a person at all. ELF stands for Engineered Life Form. She was grown in a test tube.”
“Test tube?” Imoen thought back to nightmares she’d been having, strangely still very clear in her mind. There was no way this all a co-incidence. Was it some kind of premonition? Could she see the future? If so, that would be cool… at least it would be if she saw things other than dead people. But then, from the Discovery channel she knew that things in dreams were often symbols for something else… whatever they were, she was determined to find out.
At first glance, Imoen had taken the person in the photo to be just an ordinary girl. But upon closer inspection she noticed a peculiar slant to her wide blue eyes, and she could just make out the tips of pointy ears emerge through her long blonde hair. She wasn’t like the creatures that attacked her in her dreams… despite the unusual features, this girl was actually pretty. At least she would be if someone would throw her a sandwich every now and then.
Not that it was Imoen’s place to criticize anyone for their weight. Before she’d ran away after Diana to start all this adventuring business, Imoen had been a much fuller figure… now there was hardly a trace of fat on her. Of course, a thief had to be flexible.
But from the eyes in the photo Imoen got the impression that wherever she was, this girl wasn’t eating well. She just wasn’t well at all, and had no reason at all to be smiling when her picture was taken.
“What is she then, exactly?” Imoen asked. If she wasn’t human, this girl sure did a good imitation of human expressions
“I am no scientist myself,” Yoshimo pointed out to her. “From what I understand, they take genetic material from almost any animal and grow it in these artificial wombs.”
“She doesn’t look like any animal I’ve ever seen.”
“She wouldn’t. They make significant changes to the DNA, and can control every aspect of its growth and development… and they make animals look and act more as humans, I guess.”
“But why would you want to do that?”
“Perhaps just because they can? In my experience, scientists rarely ask why. But, if you think about it… you could create a race of workers specially bred for any type of task or environment. You could send some into space to build colonies there… they would have enough intelligence and self-awareness to solve problems and innovate when necessary, making them far more useful than any machine. But, since no part of them is human either, they would have no rights and we can do whatever we want with them, really.”
“You really have thought about it… but it doesn’t explain why she’s so important.”
“She is… well, a sort of prototype. Several years ago, when a rival company learnt of her existence, they stole her from my employer. They have since been conducting experiments of their own.”
“Yeah… and who, exactly, is your employer?”
“I have never met them in person. They are highly secretive, but considering the nature of their work perhaps that is understandable, yes? On the card I showed you is a number you can call, and someone will speak to you. I have tried to trace them, but the signal is bounced repeatedly halfway around the globe and between numerous satellites.”
“But you trust them?” It was now Imoen’s turn to cock an eyebrow.
“As I have said, they are highly secretive, and clearly have resources… do you think they would have allowed me to say no? I am as curious as you are, but the only way to learn more is to go along.”
“Fair point,” Imoen resumed her thinking position. Of course, now she knew all this they probably wouldn’t allow her to say no either. She didn’t want to get anyone else involved by telling them, but she may have to involve one more person. “You know, we’re going to need some muscle in case something goes wrong, or your birdie decides she doesn’t want to go home.”
“Of course. I assume you refer to your old companion, Doctor Rashemanvich? I have heard of his work but, he must in his seventies by now.”
“Did you know people stop aging in their nineties? It’s true… it’s like we all have a little clock inside us. Well Minsc, he found a way to reset it. But, when you see him in person, I should warn you he might not be quite what you expect of the greatest genius who has ever lived… is this your car by the way?”
“It is not stolen, if that’s what you imply. I rented it. Why do you ask?”
“It’s a nice car. You won’t want to take it to the neighborhood where we’re going. I’ve got one more question first though… why’d you come to me?”
“I have had time to examine plans and surveillance of the laboratory… they have state of the art security systems, so naturally I needed the best possible help.”
“Naturally,” Imoen smiled proudly.
“The best help however, was unavailable. But I heard about you… is something wrong?”
“Don’t say anything. Just drive.”
***
The docks of Baldur’s Gate were not the bustling center for trade they once were. The salty sea air now drifted in over ships and warehouses that had long been abandoned by the executives. But, in their wake, a new type of resident had moved in. It was now a center of activity for the criminal underworld, as well as many unique brands of entertainment.
“WELCOME, TO SUPER FIGHT CLUB!” Said an announcer. Around him, the crowd shouted and started shaking the cage he stood in the center of.
“Here are the rules,” he went on after the tide receded a little. “Rule number one: You do not talk about Super Fight Club. Rule number two is no smoking. Rule number three: You do not talk about Super Fight Club. Rule number four: Underpants must be worn on the inside. Rule number five: You …” He held out his microphone to the audience and they responded.
“You do not talk about Super Fight Club!”
“Exactly. Rule number six… there is no rule number six. And rule number seven: No poofters. That concludes the reading of the rules. So, without further ado, I will now introduce the participants in tonight’s match to determine a new number one contender. Introducing first, unbeaten in Super Fight Club, hailing from the former Soviet Union, the Russian Cyborg, Miiinssccc!!!”
To the announcers left, the cage door creaked open and a man dressed in jeans and a vest simply walked in. This wasn’t a venue for flashy pyrotechnics, although many of the fighters could create their own. This man however, was impressive enough already. At nearly seven foot tall and seemingly composed of pure muscle. The right side of his clean shaven head was covered by a metal plate around an electronic eye. Most of the crowd cheered; some weren’t sure whether it was appropriate to support a foreigner but eventually went with the flow.
“See how they cheer Boo,” Minsc fought back a tear. Boo couldn’t hear, as he was back in the dressing room watching the fight on a screen. “Yes, comrades! Minsc is here to drink sloppily over the slapped bottoms of evil-doers!”
“Folks, I think he means he’s going to open a can of whoopass here tonight !” The announcer said excitedly.
“Is that not what Minsc said?”
“And his opponent, from Baldur’s Gate, also unbeaten in the world of Super Fight Club, Blue Lightning !”
Blue lightning entered the cage on the opposite side from Minsc, and certainly lived up to his name in that he was blue and that the air around him was literally filled with electricity.
“I’m going to send you back to Russia… in pain !” The blue man cried.
“You are a very nasty and rude little man,” Minsc noted. “When Minsc is done you will be… black all over!”
The announcer hastily retreated as the two super humans charged for each other. Minsc was far bigger than his opponent so the crowd expected to see Blue Lightning fly. Instead, the instant the Russian was about to get his powerful hands around him, sparks started flying everywhere. Minsc’s cybernetic components where in danger of burning out and he was forced to retreat.
“Ha! You can’t come near me!” Blue Lightning boasted. “But me? I don’t have to be close to hurt you!”
Blue Lightning flicked back his hand and a long whip composed of pure electricity crackled then snapped towards Minsc. It did so again and again, the light was too bright for the audience look at for long. When the Blue man finally relented, the place Minsc was standing was surrounded by hissing steam and smoke.
The audience gasped when the fog cleared. Minsc just stood there. His jeans and vest had been stripped away, but otherwise he seemed completely unharmed. He had to wonder though, so looked down.
“Ah… is good job Minsc remembered to wear his underpants on the inside,” the Russian said. He then looked at his opponent, who was a rather surprised, then completely shocked when Minsc, standing there in just his underpants, pulled out a small crossbow.
“Wh-where the hell were you hiding that ?” Blue Lightning gasped.
“Minsc is big and has many places in which to hide his toys,” The Russian explained. He pulled the trigger and a bolt struck his opponent squarely in the chest but didn’t penetrate anywhere near deep enough to cause a fatal wound. Blue Lightning was only confused for a moment… then he realized he could no longer feel the static he was used to.
“You… you found a way to diffuse me?” He almost cried.
“Ha-ha!” Minsc roared and started to charge. “You were right Boo! You were right !”
From then on, the contest was really no contest. Minsc took his opponent in one hand and tossed him over the twenty foot high steel cage in the manner of a small boy throwing an unwanted toy over his neighbor’s fence. The crowd roared its approval.
“Remember… the butts of all evil doers will one day meet the boot of Minsc!” The Russian assured them. “And eat your vitamins!”
Unseen, even by Minsc’s electronic eye, was one spectator way up on the second tier hiding his face the shadows and gently stroking a fat white cat. He had been only mildly entertained by the bout. The big disappointment, however, was no-one had been killed.
