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A Cappella Part 314 - The Reason (long)


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#1 Guest_Silrana_*

Posted 19 May 2006 - 01:34 AM

AC314-The Reason

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with every day
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That’s why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you


“The Reason” Hoobastank

 

After finding himself alone in the world, Sarevok spent several hours in one of the small chapels. When he felt he had gathered his thoughts sufficiently, he strode out of the temple of Helm.

As soon as he set foot outside the doors, a nearby trio of Tyrran paladins snapped to attention. One stepped forward and said, “We have been given orders that you are not to leave the temple without an escort, sir.”

Sarevok looked the man up and down and said, “Very well, escort me.”

“Where to?”

“The Thieves’ Guild.”

Sir?

Sarevok said thoughtfully, “Though I suppose they would have left the building after they were exposed. No matter, I care nothing for the thieves. I am seeking the way into the tunnels below the city.”

The paladin’s face twisted into a worried frown. “No one is permitted to go there. The entrance through that building has been magically sealed.”

“There must be another way. The Dukes gave me leave to lay Tamoko to rest. I have reason to believe her spirit wanders the catacombs near the old temple of Bhaal. That is where she died.”

“I am sure they assumed you simply meant a burial.”

“I am not concerned with her body. It is her soul that I must rescue, Sir...”

“My name is Ingram, my lord. I am not a knight. The three of us serve only the church. These are Namm and Forillin, my comrades.”

Sarevok nodded a greeting to the other paladins. “Please, Ingram. It is important.”

“My lord, I have been charged with protecting you from harm, but not with aiding you in defying an order from the Grand Dukes.”

“Tell me, if you knew that someone dear to you, a family member, a comrade in arms, was not at rest would you not do all that you could to give them peace?”

“Kazusa Tamoko was more than your lover, wasn’t she? She was one of your followers who aided you in your conspiracy to murder the Dukes.”

Sarevok met the paladin’s frown with a steady gaze. “She was, but only out of love for me.”

“I am not sure that taking you to an old Bhaalist temple is wise.”

“I have no essence to speak of, so you need not fear that it will somehow reawaken my evil. But I must see for myself if her spirit haunts the place of her death.”

The three paladins looked at each other anxiously. Finally Ingram said, “There may be a way. We have guarded a hole near a cemetery where undead are known to appear. It is said that it leads to the underground chambers.”

“Then take me there.”

The men traveled as quickly as possible to the graveyard. Sarevok ignored the stares and hostile mutterings of the people in the street.

When they reached the cemetery, Namm ducked into a small shed and emerged with lanterns. Ingram led them to the hole in the hillside. “We’ve never gone inside to be sure. It may not lead to the old temple.”

“I am willing to risk it.”

They advanced carefully down the dirt tunnel until their boots grated on stone. Forillin lifted his lantern high and said, “Is this what you are looking for?”

The massive chamber was filled with ancient crypts and monuments. Portions of once ornate buildings crumbled into rubble. Shattered stone and crushed bone littered the floor. Sarevok nodded. “Yes. Yes, I know this place. This way.”

He led them through the darkness until Ingram called out, “Stop! There is an unclean presence nearby.”

A loud hiss filled the air as a horde of ghouls ran out of the darkness. Forillin raised his glowing holy symbol in the air as the others drew their swords.

Sarevok waded into the undead, hacking through them without breaking stride. In less time than it took for the three paladins to kill one foe apiece he destroyed nearly a dozen. The rest of the ghouls fled in terror.

Ingram looked at the creatures at Sarevok’s feet. “Truly, your reputation as a warrior has not been exaggerated. It is little wonder than you rose to such heights.”

“I thank you, but I was not so skilled when Jarran and his companions killed me. That came after my rebirth.” Stepping over the undead, he continued on to his goal.

At last they approached the ancient temple of Bhaal. A wispy shape hovered near the door.

Ingram said, “Another undead,” and pulled out his holy symbol.

“No! Do not harm her.” Sarevok edged towards the figure. “Tamoko?”

The vaporous figure seemed to stare through him. “Greetings, Jarran,” its hollow voice said in flat tones. “I fear this time I have not come to speak, and must take up arms against you.”

“Tamoko? Do you not recognize me?”

“He has forsaken me, left me to die in your path. I must fight to regain his trust, his... attention.” A silvery tear slid down the specter’s face.

“I am not Jarran. Tamoko? It is your Sarevok.”

“You will free... you will fight me!” The figure brandished a phantom flail.

“Tamoko?” the warrior whispered.

Ingram said softly, “She does not know you, Sarevok. She is mindless, a mere shadow of the past.”

“There has to be a way to speak to her. Perhaps the priests of Kelemvor can help me.”

“If any could, it would be the Doomguides. Come, we should leave this place.”

“A moment.”

Sarevok walked past the ghostly image of his lover into the old temple. The floor was blasted and destroyed, its powerful traps a thing of the past. It would not have been possible to know that a grinning skull had once taken up much of the floor, as mangled as it was. He wandered the room, stopping to stare at one spot. Ingram approached him and said, “Are you all right?”

“Semaj fell there, and his blood still stains the stones. The place that I had planned to make my palace of death, and it is an utter ruin. Fitting, I suppose.”

“Do you regret your old life?”

“No. My blood filled my head with foolish fantasies of power and godhood, but in the end I was simply a murderer. I deserved to die here.”

“Sarevok, I was present during your trial. I heard the testimony of your companions, and the reading of the messages sent by the temples of Helm and Torm. You may have deserved to die then, but you have risen above the man you were. Take heart in that.”

Sarevok looked at Ingram in surprise. “A compassionate paladin? That makes two I have encountered, so they must be more than creatures of legend.”

The paladin chuckled. “Many think that being a Tyrran means that you hold the law above and beyond common sense. But we serve justice, not merely words on a page. There would have been no justice in executing you. I support the Dukes’ decision.”

“You have my thanks. I believe it is time to return to the surface and go to the temple of Kelemvor.”

“Aye.”

It only took a few minutes to reach the temple. Typical of Kelemvor’s churches, it was located next to the graveyard. A gaunt middle-aged man seemed to drift towards them when they entered the building.

“I am Guide Aland. How may I aid you?”

“I am Sarevok Anchev. I…”

Aland raised his hand to forestall the warrior. “All is prepared. Jarran sent word that you would be coming, and that you wished to speak to the deceased’s spirit to determine her desire. Is that still your intention?”

“Yes. I must ask… is there any possibility that she could be returned to life?”

“I am sorry, but there is not. I hesitate to say this, but her body was not treated with dignity or care. The anger of many of the guardsmen…”

“Say no more. Just take me to her.”

“As you wish.”

The four men hurried behind the priest. They entered a small chamber where a cloth-covered object rested on a long table.

Sarevok stopped in his tracks. “Is that… her?”

“Yes. Please, do not disturb the coverings. You might find her condition distressing.”

“You are sure that you have the correct body?”

“We confirmed it with several spells. Rest assured, these are the remains of Kazusa Tamoko. Doomguide Xerecos?”

A grim muscular man stepped out of the shadows. Aland continued, “We are fortunate that Doomguide Xerecos is serving here for the time being. He is graced with many blessings from Kelemvor.”

“I must ask all of you to observe certain rules,” Xerecos’ deep voice drawled. “You three will remain silent at all times,” he said, pointing at the paladin escort. “You,” he said as he turned his attention to Sarevok, “will not touch or disturb the body in any way. It might break the link to her spirit. Normally spells to speak with the dead are crude affairs, but in this case the soul is not at rest. Therefore I can call her ghost to her body so that you can speak to her. Try to finish quickly. This is a difficult spell, and I would not attempt it except as a special favor to Jarran of Candlekeep. Do you understand me?”

Sarevok nodded. “I will do whatever you ask.”

Xerecos put his hands over Tamoko’s body and began to chant. After a few moments the air grew cold as if a chilly fog had crept into the room. A faint mist slowly became more cohesive until a woman’s figure took shape.

A voice that seemed to come from a great distance whispered, “What is this place?”

Xerecos intoned, “The power of Kelemvor has brought you here to speak to the living.”

“Who would wish to draw me here?”

“Tamoko?” Sarevok said, his voice cracking from emotion.

The spirit turned to face him. “Sarevok? You live? How?”

“Jarran killed me, but I have been returned to life. My murasaki, how I have longed to see you again.”

“You walk among the living, while I am bound to haunt our temple? Another betrayal.”

“No, Tamoko! You must listen to me.”

“I must? Even in death, must I obey you? You sent me to be slaughtered by your enemies while you laughed at my foolish hopes. And now I am a doomed soul, cursed by you and your ambition.”

“I ask only that you hear what I have to say.”

“Why have you called me here, Sarevok? What could be so important that you must add to my torment?”

“Since the day I learned that you were not at rest, I have wanted to help you. What can I do to free your spirit?”

“Free me? What trickery is this? Why would you want to aid me, when you cared so little when I lived?”

“Because you were my love.”

“You love nothing but power and bloodshed.”

“No, that is not true.”

“I begged you, I pleaded with you to turn away from your plans, but your lust for divine power was greater than your love for me.”

Tears began to run down Sarevok’s face. “Murasaki, you were my voice of wisdom and I should have listened to you before my father’s blood maddened me. I loved you, I truly did before I went insane.”

“Loved, Sarevok? I no longer have a place in your heart?”

“I... I grieved for you, Tamoko, but I knew you were lost to me. In time I fell in love with another. But my new love did not make me forget the pain I felt over your death.”

“Then you have found another Cythandria. Leave me, Sarevok. Leave me to my misery, doomed to repeat my death again and again. Go to the arms of your new lover.”

“No! I will not abandon you. Tamoko, when I returned to the living I had spent a year in the Abyss. Every day, every moment that I spent in that prison of guilt, I saw your face. Your look of despair as I ordered you to your death was the torment that I could not escape. Cythandria meant nothing, she was a mere plaything that I regret with all my heart. My love was yours.”

“And yet you found it easy to take a new lover.”

“It was not. I questioned myself at every turn, ashamed that I was betraying your memory. But in the end, I could not deny what I felt.”

“And you are certain that this new woman is not simply after your power, as Cythandria was?”

“I have no power. I am nothing more than a mortal man now. I no longer have my Bhaal essence, and there will be no new Lord of Murder. All that I was, all my schemes and plans... they were a lie. Bhaal never intended to leave an heir.”

“Then she loves you as I did?” The spirit’s voice sounded wistful.

“I... my lover is dead.”

“Another of your victims?”

“No! No, I...” Sarevok paused, then shot the paladins a fierce glare. “I lost him during a battle. I could do nothing to save him.” He angrily brushed at his wet eyes.

“Your new lover was a man?”

“Yes. One who showed me how wrong all of Rieltar’s teachings were. A man who made me see that I could do more with my new life than repeat the mistakes of the old. One who held me through my nightmares as I relived my wrongs. A… good man.”

The spirit seemed to study him. “So my aragoma finally knows the pain of regret.”

“I have changed, Tamoko. My regrets are many.”

“Have… have you truly? Can you wash away the blood from your hands? Can you wash it from mine?”

“I can never undo what I did, Tamoko, to you or to anyone. But I am making amends the best I can.”

The spirit stared at him for a moment before whispering, “Can you remember the garden, Sarevok? When I was young and innocent and terrified to find myself unable to look away from the fascinating foreigner?”

“I do. I remember the smell of jasmine and your eyes, such beautiful eyes.”

“Why did we leave the garden, Sarevok? Why did the jasmine become crushed beneath our feet and my eyes filled with tears?”

“Because I was born cursed. If I had been just Sarevok Anchev, not the Child of Bhaal, I would have loved you until my dying breath. I am so sorry that I took you away from that garden, my murasaki. If you had stayed, you would have been happy with Yoshimo, I’m sure of it.”

“Yoshimo? I barely knew Masumi Yoshimo. Why do you say this?”

“Do you remember the reports my men would bring of a Kozakuran tracker following us? It was Yoshimo.”

“He pursued me to regain his family’s honor himself?”

“No, Yoshimo hoped to take you back from me. He did not tell you, but he loved you as deeply as I. He left his home, his family, everything he knew to find you again.”

“I… I never knew. He was always so correct and polite… Yoshimo loved me?”

“Yes. After our deaths, in his grief he entered into a bargain with an evil wizard that led to his own death. But he loves you still, even in Ilmater’s realm.”

Tamoko’s spirit looked even more mournful. “Then I have more blood on my hands.”

Sarevok started in surprise when Xerecos’ deep voice interrupted them. “I cannot hold the spell for much longer. Ask your question.”

The spirit wavered for a moment, then whispered, “Question? What do you ask of me, Sarevok?”

“I wish to find a way to free you from this fate, my murasaki. What must I do to put your soul at rest?”

“I cannot make my way to the gods of these lands. I… I wish to go home. Even if I am refused by the spirits of my ancestors, my soul will be among the dead of Kozakura.”

“Home? Do you mean… take your body back to Kozakura?”

“Please. Do not make me endlessly re-enact my death throughout eternity. Take me home.”

“I… Such a journey will take years without the Iron Throne’s magic.”

“Why do you hesitate?”

Sarevok sighed. “I have true companions now, and Jarran calls me brother. But I will do as you ask, though I will miss the new life I have built.”

Xerecos said slowly, “May I suggest another possibility?”

The spirit said, “Speak, priest.”

“There is a saying among sailors that the sea is home to all. I once aided in a shipboard funeral, and her family felt that because the sea touched their shores, it was part of their homeland. Kozakura is formed of islands, I believe?”

Tamoko’s phantom said, “The sea... I loved to watch the ships in our port. The blue of the water was so beautiful.”

“Would a burial at sea give you peace, my murasaki?” Sarevok said gently.

“Yes. My soul will ride the waves to the shores of home.”

“Would you allow me to put Yoshimo’s ashes with your body? He is far from Kozakura as well.”

“If it will ease his spirit. My aragoma... you came back for me, after all this time.”

“I had to.”

“I did not think my pain could ever lessen, but I will bear my fate with better grace, knowing that I did manage to capture a small part of your heart.”

“Not so small. Everything that I am I owe to you. If I had not had your love, I would have spent my time in the Abyss raging against cruel fate for snatching away my chance for greatness. Jarran’s songs would have found my heart too cold to work their magic upon, and Anomen... Anomen would not have seen in me a man he could love.”

The spirit drifted closer. “Sarevok,” Tamoko whispered as a phantom hand reached out to caress Sarevok’s cheek. His eyes closed as he let out a long sigh.

Xerecos said, “The spell must end.”

Sarevok’s eyes flew open. “A moment more.”

“Only a moment.”

“Farewell, beloved aragoma,” the ghost said softly.

“Goodbye, my murasaki. My dearest Tamoko.”

“I love...” Any more words were lost as the phantom faded away.

Sarevok stood frozen for a long moment as he stared at the empty space where Tamoko’s ghost had been. He blinked hard and cleared his throat before drawing his hand over his eyes. Then the former Bhaalspawn turned to Xerecos and Aland and gave them a polite nod. “I thank you for your help.” He reached for the pouch on his waist.

As Xerecos tiredly sank into a chair, Aland held up his hands and said, “Please, no remuneration is necessary. We are honored to aid a comrade of Kelemvor’s Chosen.”

“Is there anything I can do to repay you?”

“Help that poor soul. Crimes or no, all undead must be released from their torment.”

“I will. At first light tomorrow I will order a casket, and when it is finished I will find a ship. Again, thank you.”

Sarevok rejoined the paladins, a deep scowl creasing his face. “If you say a word to anyone…”

Ingram shook his head and said, “We will keep silent. We swear by Tyr.”

“By Tyr,” the others intoned.

Ingram gave his comrades a stern look and said, “And if I hear so much as a whisper of this anywhere, the two of you will be standing before Master Avenger Drocin for oathbreaking.” He turned back to Sarevok and said, “You and Sir Anomen?”

“Yes.”

“Then I will hold my tongue in the future when my fellows make sport of Helmites. If Sir Anomen could see to the heart of the Butcher of Baldur’s Gate and find affection… then Helm’s faith is less rigid than I imagined. I am sorry for your loss, both your losses.”

“I do not wish to be rude, but I cannot speak of this now. Please, take me back to Helm’s temple.”

“Of course.”

#2 Guest_sparrow_*

Posted 19 May 2006 - 04:57 AM

“If any could, it would be the Doomguards. Come, we should leave this place.”


That was a bit confusing, though I think it's a typo of doomguide. Forgive me if I am wrong, I'm not very familiar with dnd outside of BG and a bit of torment.

An enjoyable and bittersweet read! :shock:

#3 Guest_Silrana_*

Posted 19 May 2006 - 10:53 AM

“If any could, it would be the Doomguards. Come, we should leave this place.”


That was a bit confusing, though I think it's a typo of doomguide. Forgive me if I am wrong, I'm not very familiar with dnd outside of BG and a bit of torment.


Eek. Actually, you are right, it's a typo. I used doomguide everywhere else, but mixed that one up. Thanks for catching it!

An enjoyable and bittersweet read! :shock:


Thank you. And thanks for commenting! ;)

#4 Guest_Jean_*

Posted 19 May 2006 - 02:02 PM

The ghost part was good too - it played on my remembrance of the game very well. I've always found Tamoko's final lines very haunting - it seemed sad but fitting that her shadow is 'reliving' those moments. Very effective, in other words. :shock: Sent a shiver up my back, when I realised her shadow was still stuck in the past.

A nice twist too, that the actual spirit of Tamoko should be initially hostile to Sarevok. Unpleasant for him, but it seemed a convincing reaction for her. And I'm glad she finally knows that Yoshimo loved her. Better late than never.

Thanks, Silrana. ;)

#5 Guest_Silrana_*

Posted 19 May 2006 - 06:23 PM

The ghost part was good too - it played on my remembrance of the game very well. I've always found Tamoko's final lines very haunting - it seemed sad but fitting that her shadow is 'reliving' those moments. Very effective, in other words. :wink: Sent a shiver up my back, when I realised her shadow was still stuck in the past.


I used one of the 'theories' of hauntings that spirits can become locked into a certain point in their lives, usually a traumatic or emotionally powerful event. For Tamoko, I thought this was the obvious choice.

A nice twist too, that the actual spirit of Tamoko should be initially hostile to Sarevok. Unpleasant for him, but it seemed a convincing reaction for her. And I'm glad she finally knows that Yoshimo loved her. Better late than never.


When she has her final dialogue with the PC, I thought it was very telling. There is grief, sadness, but also a lot of anger, which is not out of line. She gave her entire life to a man who was willing to throw it away during an angry tantrum.

Thanks, Silrana. :wink:


And thanks for commenting!

#6 Guest_Serena_*

Posted 19 May 2006 - 10:57 PM

Well done, Silrana. Quite well done. I like how you handled Tamoko's whole plot arc, and this was a wonderful tie-up.

And the idea of the burial at sea seemed really fitting. :wink:

#7 Guest_Silrana_*

Posted 19 May 2006 - 11:38 PM

Well done, Silrana. Quite well done. I like how you handled Tamoko's whole plot arc, and this was a wonderful tie-up.


Thanks! Though it isn't completely wrapped up, since Sarevok has a little trip to take now. And that will include a few surprises. :wink:

And the idea of the burial at sea seemed really fitting. :wink:


I thought so. I think Yoshimo will like it, too. :wink:

Thanks for commenting!

#8 Guest_VigaHrolf_*

Posted 22 May 2006 - 03:30 PM

Silrana,

I really enjoyed this chapter. The confrontation between Sarevok and first Tamoko's shade and then her spirit was very touching and poignant. Her torment, forced to live through that dark moment, that final moment of pain for all eternity... a horrible fate. Ahd her anger at Sarevok is so understandable, considering her life was truly thrown away.

I really liked what you did here, and I like the burial at sea. There's something very... peaceful about it.

Great stuff.

VH

#9 Guest_Silrana_*

Posted 22 May 2006 - 04:00 PM

Silrana,

I really enjoyed this chapter. The confrontation between Sarevok and first Tamoko's shade and then her spirit was very touching and poignant. Her torment, forced to live through that dark moment, that final moment of pain for all eternity... a horrible fate. Ahd her anger at Sarevok is so understandable, considering her life was truly thrown away.

I really liked what you did here, and I like the burial at sea. There's something very... peaceful about it.

Great stuff.

VH


Thank you! I thought there was a lot of tragedy in Tamoko's character, and when you look at her final dialogue in BG1, there is a great deal of pain and anger. But I couldn't leave her hanging, and Sarevok needed to feel like he had done something to make up for what he had done to her.

Thanks for commenting!




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