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[Laufey]

 
1st of Eleasias

I have a plan at last, and it is a foolproof one at that. In order to regain my Evil credibility I *must* rid myself of those humiliating paladin powers I gained during my war aginst the Moral Minority and the object of their worship, D'Oh, the demi-god of stupidity. I'm an Evil Sorceress and proud of it, I will *not* prance around 'detecting evil' and stuff like that. Something must be done, or else I might wake up one morning to find myself smiting people.

So, I decided to go to visit my dear friend Zilvra, the Drow Wizardess. She'll be able to help me out I'm sure. The Underdark is famous for its wicked ways, and I hold my previous visits there in fond memory. When Zilvra and I were at the Academy together we'd spend the holidays there, in weeklong orgies involving hunky slaves, booze, and wanton magical destruction. Ah, the memories...

I've asked my dear Edmund to gather up the army and make sure it loots and pillages as much as possible on its way back home. That should help my reputation at least a *little* bit, as well as keep the orcs happy. Tomorrow, I leave for the Underdark. I'll make certain to keep Edmund *very* close to me on this, our last evening together though. I have this little erotic trick with a Deva feather that I intend to share with him...

3rd of Eleasias

Ah, we've finally arrived! As soon as I entered Zilvra's fortress I ran into her... and she was wearing some kind of dark glasses and a strangely colored purple shirt with depictions of little yellow palmtrees on it, while a veritable army of slaves was dragging suitcases behind her. Before I had the chance to question her about this, she just smiled and led me towards the speed-carriage parked outside.

The speed-carriage lived up to its name, and I suddenly got a painful reminder of Zilvra's reckless driving. With the wheel-golems pulling the carriage at full speed, she ran over fifteen peasants, twelve fuzzy bunnies, knocked over a majority of eldery citizens and slammed her speed-cart through a procession of captured paladins in shackles, to the joy of the onlooking crowd.

Finally, we arrived at a large spider-shaped resort at the edge of the Ulturiak Undersee, in a nice, quiet place in the mushroom groves of the Underdark, away from all the hubbub of the city and the Realms above... what was odd was the presence of a small artificial sun, spreading a rather low light across the resort. But the reason for its presence became clear to me when I spotted several formerly stressed-out Drow priestesses lazying about on the beach, baking in the sun.

The resort is a pleasant place, very pleasant. Our rooms are huge, luxurious and decadently furnished, the food is delicious, and the atmosphere is wonderful. Peace is the most important thing here, and all you can hear when you close your eyes is the rush of the wind, the soothing sounds of the brine and the piercing screams of the dying... Ah, bliss...

No males are allowed here, safe for the occasional pleasure-slave, and any and all House-feuds are checked at the door, so to speak. The perfect place for an Evil Re-education Course! And I've signed in for all the courses on the list. Torture 101, Spellslinging 301, Gloating 101, Cackling 101, Scheming 201, Dagger throwing 101, Creative Casting 401, Dissection 101, Demonic Languages 101, Sexual Techniques 401, Poison mixing 101, Paladin Slaying 101 and Basket Weaving 101.

Also, Zilvra has pointed out to me that there are a myriad of special activities to choose from... and I'm doing one right now. There's a delightful little sport in which a live goblin is shot into the air with a gnomish device which you can shoot at with spells or with a crossbow! A delightful sport! After that, I think I'll go to bed early. We'll have a busy day tomorrow!

5th of Eleasias

Zilvra is truly the best possible friend a melancholy Evil Sorceress could have. The dear girl decided that I needed some serious cheering up after I had told her my sad and humiliating story, and that it should also be accomplished by performing one of the vilest, most black-hearted acts possible in all of Faerun to give my soul that proper tarnish.

Murder, blackmail, kidnapping, pillaging, arson, genocide, deliberate jaywalking - they all pale compared to the act that has tender-hearted people all over the world crying out in outrage. Yes. I'm speaking of the dreaded AVARIEL HUNT! *evil cackle*

This lovely Underdark resort has a special cave set aside for this delightful sport. Zilvra and I visited there today, both of us wearing suitable attire of course. Black short-sleeved shirts, black shorts (very tight), black knee-length socks and heavy boots, and a special sort of black hat, shaped like an amusing helmet. It may *look* silly, but it's fashion, so cut out that grin, OK?

Anyway, there were crossbows and stuff for the people who wanted them, but Evil Sorceresses don't need that sort of thing. Soon, a swarm of hapless creatures were released from a large cage and bumbled along beneath the cave-roof, wailing and moaning about how 'mean' we were. Well, if there's anything to entice an Evil Sorceress on, it's people telling her that she's being 'mean'. Moral outrage makes it all the more amusing, you know? *smirk*

So, pretty soon it was *Fireball Time*! The air was heavy with floating feathers, and the incessant noises. 'EEEEEK! *Thump*' 'EEEEEEEK! *Thump*' 'EEEEEEK! *Thump*' Over and over again, like music to my ears. Zilvra and I also amused ourselves with keeping score, and competing to see who could hit the most, and I'm happy to say that although it was a hard match I won by a single Avariel. *happy smile*

Yes, it has been a good day, and I can already feel my soul well on its way to achieving that perfect pitch-black color. It's like I said, this is truly the crime to end all crimes and make goodly people properly hate me. No more paladin powers for *this* girl! Ha!

7th of Eleasias

Well, Zilvra and I went waterskiing today, and it was a nice reward for a whole day of basket-weaving class. Believe me, if there's one thing truly evil, it's basket-weaving... especially if the baskets are being weaved from the bones of unicorns and the wings of pixies. Still, I've got my first work to take home with me later, and the priestess-teacher said I had real talent. So there's a feather in my cap...

Anyway, to go waterskiing, we had to feed the local Aboleth. He was an endearing and eager little fish, wagging his cute tail whenever we gave him attention... We gave him the remains of the Avariel we had hunted two days ago, and he (she?) was most eager to accept them. After a delicious meal, the aboleth turned around and allowed the Drow servants to attach the harness while Zilvra and I dressed into our wetsuits (obviously black, low-cut and cleavage-rich, just like us Evil Sorceresses like them to be).

A few moments later, the Aboleth was racing through the water, pulling us after him! Oh, it was great fun, especially when Zilvra and I started to cast flashy spells in front of us to impress the crowd gathering on the beach.

Unfortunately, when the Aboleth passed another part of the artificial beach, he got a little too close to shore. As he (and we) made a sharp turn, we unfortunately drenched a foursome of Drow females who were engrossed in a game of beach volleyball. And by the murderous looks they gave us, I'm certain we haven't seen the last of them.... Also, the fact that Zilvra gave them 'the finger' and made a rude noise didn't improve their mood either.

But I'm not going to let them ruin my mood! And I haven't felt this wonderful and free in a long time! Tonight, we dine, and after that, we're going to play Underdark Memory : where we match up severed limbs to its opposite limb! Catch you later, dear diary!

8th of Eleasias

Those four little Drow bitches have made complete nuisances of themselves. Turns out they're a quartet of fairly well known Drow singers, calling themselves 'Drow Chicks'. The silly things even have artistic code names of sorts. 'Evil Drow', 'Vicious Drow', 'Vengeful Drow' and 'Wicked Drow'. Utterly silly if you ask me. And they're bad singers too, they just hop about on stage and howl a lot. Besides, Zilvra and I have them well beat when it comes to all those traits, *and* we have far more devastatingly lovely cleavage as well, *without* 'Swelling Spells' I might add.

Anyway, Zilvra and I went out to dinner last night like I said, a lovely meal of everything that's bad for you. Things were going well, and we were just settling down to dessert, an enormous rum-flavored chocolate cake, when it happened. The cake suddenly exploded into a million little pieces, and out burst a slime-dripping and betentacled demon wearing purple polkadotted tanga briefs, who was gazing soulfully at me and singing 'Happy Birthday' as he drooled down that devastatingly lovely cleavage I mentioned. Apparently, our four Drow enemies had paid him to do that, telling him that it was my birthday and that I was in the mood for love. Fortunately I had a couple of Horrid Wiltings memorized. Works wonders on annoying males.

Naturally, vengeance must be taken, swiftly and dreadfully. I have already learnt that our four foes have Color Analyzing scheduled for tomorrow. I think it might be an amusing start to make sure they all get to wear pink - and no other color than pink.

9th of Eleasias

Ah, torture-class was so lovely today. We covered psycological terror today! It was so fun to see our Drow teacher drilling into her terrified prisoner that the four lights behind her were actually five lights. Oh, how we laughed at his terrified expression! Then, we handed him over to the 'tickle torture'-class down the hall. Then next person to try was a very young priestess, who was actually quite nervous about torturing in front of a crowd... still, she tried her best with the next prisoner, but unfortunately, her next prisoner was a paladin, and when she asked the pivotal question 'Tell me, how many lights do you see behind me?', we found out he couldn't count!

Poor girl... it wasn't really her fault, but she got an automatic failing grade and loss of beach privilages for a week. This is not a vacation-spot, after all, but a course in evil. Still, she got to take out her frustration on the paladin in 'Skeleton Removal'-class.

We had another encounter with the four screaming banshees. Apparently they didn't like their pink clothes... or their pink hair... or their pink nails... or their pink eyes... or their pink skin. Our spell-fest almost backfired when they suddenly cornered us as we came out of torture-class...

"What do you want?!" Zilvra asked angrily as they surrounded us.

"I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want," one of them said, jolting the others into an incoherent jumble of songtexts. No doubt a real lounge-singer like Tim Jines, Freak Sinistra or Mal Toupé could have made a masterpiece out of it, but these four just butcher the classics. Zilvra and I just grinned as we launched our spells, turning the four banshees' voices into Baritones. And while they were choughing and hacking, you could see the terror in their eyes.... LOVELY!

So, I guess the ball's in their court again... In the meantime, I'm going to check out the pool! It's supposed to be lava-heated!

10th of Eleasias

Well, the Avariel Hunt has set my soul well on its way towards Ultimate Evil Black, but there's still work to be done. Today, we took a class in Advanced Dark Cursing. A very interesting lesson it was, about turning Princes into Toads and Frogs. It really is *double* evil, since not only do the Princes suffer, but with them gone it also means dozens of vapid Princesses will languish in towers, enchanted castles etc until they turn green with mold. *evil cackle*

Anyway, it was most amusing to see the terrified Princes hop about, croaking with panic as they tried to escape us. They were still human in their heads of course, they simply happened to look like toads. Zilvra was a bit put out though. For some reason her Prince still retained his ears, which quite frankly looked enormous on his small, green and warty form. But then I suggested that she see if the ears could function as wings, and her eyes lit up as she hurried to drop the hapless Prince out the classroom window. A short and sad SPLAT proved that toads don't fly, even big-eared ones, but it was an interesting experiment all the same.

As for the rest of the Princes - well, I'm sure you remember me mentioning that lavaheated pool? Well, I thought it would be a shame if the poor Princes didn't get a bath as well. So they did. In the lava heating the pool. We saved a few for dinner though. Frog legs - yummy! And the thought of those sobbing Princesses *really* brings an evil smile to my lovely face...