The Hand That Holds the Harp

Renai pulled the harp-and-crescent pin from the dead woman's collar and rubbed away the blood marring its silvery sheen.

I remember. Exhaustion from a day and a night without sleep numbed her mind, blurring past and present. Father has one just like this. Imoen and me, we found it when we were snooping in his bedroom dresser. I thought it was a present for me. And look, here it is. But she closed her fingers hard over the pin, letting its edges bite deep into her palm.

"Jae, this is a Harper pin, isn't it?" she asked Jaheira. The honey-haired druid, who was on her knees beside an unconscious Shadow Thief, did not look at her but nodded distractedly while she mumbled her healing spell. "Jae," Renai said again, and this time something in her tone made Jaheira look up at her with haunted eyes, "why are Harpers hunting you?"

Jaheira gave a healing potion to a thief who was bleeding from a scalp wound and slowly got up. "They are not 'hunting' me. You speak as if I am prey. They simply were here to ... speak with me, and our conversation became heated."

"Right." Renai looked at the five dead Harpers and the three wounded Shadow Thieves lying on the floor of her guildhall. The battle between them had been short and brutal, over before Renai could even run down the stairs from her bedroom. She hadn't even stopped to grab her bow. "You want to tell me what really happened?"

"'ere, miss," someone touched Renai's shoulder, and she turned to regard the vaguely familiar man in dark leathers. "Jariel, miss," he reminded her. Bloodscalp had assigned him to help her run the guild, she recalled. At her nod, he jerked his thumb at the dead Harpers and continued, "That lot there came skulkin' in, demandin' t' see yon druid. Made mention of th' murder of a man ..."

"Do not ..." Jahiera began to shout, but Jariel paid her no attention. " ... by name'a Galvarey," he finished. He fixed Renai was a penetrating, gray-eyed glare that took her measure from top to toe. "We fought 'em off, a'course, since she's bein' your friend an' all, an' it's you Bloodscalp says t’ follow. But I tell you, we weren't expectin' such an assault so soon, miss. P'raps you can warn me if this'll be regular, and I'll be sure t' make arrangements."

Renai could not find words to answer him, so she nodded, which was all the acknowledgement or thanks Jariel seemed to want. Nodding curtly in return, he gestured to the healing thieves and herded them from the room.

Galvarey. The name echoed in Renai's mind, and for a moment she could not place it. That's odd, she thought, the only Galvarey I know is that stupid Herald who was trying to persecute me, and he's not dead. But when she looked up and saw the stricken look on Jaheira's face, something in her mind her fell into place so neatly she felt a sharp and sudden pain. "Jae," she said carefully, not truly wishing to hear the answer, "why do they think Galvarey is dead?"

Jaheira frowned at something over Renai's head. A large shadow shimmied on the floor beside her own, and Renai sensed Sir Keldorn's holy presence behind her. "It is," Jahiera said, "a long tale, and perhaps not worth telling at this moment."

"No, let's talk about it now." Renai said. "The Shadow Thieves are going to want to know why there are dead people inside their house."

"Let them wonder. "Jaheira rolled her eyes, but the motion seemed more exaggerated than her usual shows of derision. "I care not. Come. We shall speak of this elsewhere." She came forward and tried to push her way past Renai to reach the stairs.

But the hollow haughtiness in Jaheira's tone dug at Renai's temper. Instead of letting her pass, Renai stepped in front of her to bar her way. "You forgot something," Renai said, fighting to keep her tone even. "This is my house now. And I'm wondering about it myself. Tell me."

"Yes, Lady Jaheira, enlighten us," Sir Keldorn said. In any other matter, Renai would have laughed at the smug satisfaction in his eyes at Jaheira's predicament. "What could you possibly be involved in that you wish to keep a secret?"

Some of the color washed out of Jaheira's face, replaced by the unmistakable look of guilt. The unfamiliar expression made her face a strange mask. Galvarey is dead, but he was alive when I left the compound, Renai forced her mind to follow a logical track, despite the queer shrill whine pulsing in her ears that muddled her thoughts. If the Harpers attacked her over that, that means ... Renai closed her eyes. "You killed him, didn't you?"

A moment later, a century later, Jaheira answered, "I did." But instead of shame, a quiet dignity laced her words, stoking Renai's temper even further. The young archer's hands spasmed into fists, and again she felt pain. When she looked down, she saw blood dripping from the hand that held the harp, and she realized what had caused her hurt.

She looked again at Jaheira. "What, are you proud of it?" she asked through clenched teeth. "You're fine with this, that you killed someone like that? That you did murder?"

"Hold, young woman." Sir Keldorn rested his hand on the pommel of his greatsword, as if preparing to draw. It broke Renai's equilibrium even further to realize that it was the first time since they had met that the gesture had not been meant for her. Like everything else this morn, it made no sense. "Be calm and let her speak. I would know what occurred before we allow accusations to fly of murder."

"It was not murder. It was defense," Jaheira said firmly. "That is my tale, and to it I adhere."

Sir Keldorn looked to Renai, who made a rude gesture at him before she could stop herself. "What are you just standing there being all nice to her for? If it were me being accused of murdering someone, you'd have me hung immediately!"

"I would not. You exaggerate." Sir Keldorn sounded hurt but his words held no conviction. "I only seek to know what has occurred before I act. As you have asked me to do."

"I'll tell you," Renai spat. She pointed at Jaheira. "She took me to the Harper Hold to meet Galvarey, who thought himself their Herald. He was going to imprison me, so we fought our way out. We left him unconscious. Or rather, I did. Jaheira stayed behind." Renai turned to face Jaheira, who looked away from her obsidian glare. "So now tell me how you did it. Did you wake him up and give him a running start, or did you just kill him in cold blood while he laid there?"

"That is not fair!" Jaheira shook her head. "You do not know!"

"Then tell me! Make me know, because I don't understand it!" The last thread Renai kept on her temper snapped, and she threw the little harp at Jaheira so hard it bounced off her chest, leaving a bloody splotch on the druid's blouse. "How could you do this? You told me you wouldn't kill him! I told you not to kill him! How could you bring this on us? "

Jaheira grimaced, but not, Renai knew, because of the pin. "You may not understand this, child, but I am not here to follow your orders." The normally fiery druid's voice remained calm and even. "I am here to protect you, and I have done that. Come, let me heal your hand and we will discuss this between us."

Renai smacked the druid's hand away. "Don't touch me! What were you thinking, Jaheira?" She could not remember the last time she had called the druid by her full name. So long ago, before they had become friends. An age ago. "You think this is protecting me? By murdering and then lying to me about it? How is that helping me!"

Only when her back hit Sir Keldorn's armor did Renai realize had backed away from Jaheira. The old paladin put his hands on Renai's shoulders, but she shrugged him away. "Young woman," he said, and she wanted to strike out at him, too, for being so bloody calm and reasonable, "stop this. Now. You are more tired than you should be to deal with this, and you are only upsetting yourself."

"Don't talk to me like I'm a child! You're not my father!" Renai snapped, and turned to Jaheira. "And you're not my mother, so don't go on about protecting me! My mother wouldn't have killed for me! Unless she was like you, a betraying bit-"

Jaheira slapped her across the mouth, so hard Renai fell backward into Sir Keldorn and saw stars splash across her vision. When the red haze obscuring her sight cleared, she saw Keldorn holding a pale, contrite Jaheira firmly by one wrist. "This," he said, "has gone quite far enough. If Jaheira has committed murder, we shall deal with this. If she acted in her defense, or yours, then that is another matter entirely. But we will not have this."

"You shall not judge me." Jaheira tried to pull her arm free from Sir Keldorn's grip and could not. Feigning dignity, she ceased her struggles and looked again imploringly at Renai. "I am subject to the Harper's laws. They shall judge me, but I swear, they are wrong in this. What I did, I did in defense. I did it for you."

Renai brought her hand up to hold her wounded mouth but caught sight of her palm, still bloody from the Harper pin's wound. She remembered Irenicus, how he had pinned that very hand to a table by hammering an iron spike through it. You will stay there as you are until I choose to free you. His malevolent voice in her memory made her quake even now. Or, you can take the hammer and pound the stake into the table, and I shall free you now. Do not look at me so, godchild. What I do, I do for you.

Renai closed her hand again. There is always a third choice. It's simply a matter of taking the pain that goes with it. She was shaking so hard Jaheira's face was a blur. I am not a murderer. Sarevok and Irenicus both, they couldn't make me murder. So how is it that my best friend becomes a murderer for me?

The scream pounding in her ear, she realized, was her blood running hot and her breath coming too fast from the dichotomy that threatened to break her to her knees. She could not kill, but she could not stop it, so what choice was left to her when all her strength was gone?

Uttering a small cry, Renai turned from Jaheira and Sir Keldorn and fled like a child. Heedless of the puzzled stares of the rest of the guild’s thieves, Renai ran out of the guildhall into Athkatla's bright, humid morning.

She had not gotten far before Jaheira's voice, imploring her to stop, pierced her ears. Not now, not now! I can't talk to her now ... At the upper entrance to the Sea's Bounty tavern, Renai shoved through the door, hoping to flee downstairs and out its street-level egress before Jaheira could see her.

Inside, the tavern was dim and cool, nearly empty at the tender hour. Renai didn't pause as she ran for the stairs, but as the door crashed open behind her, she heard Jaheira cry out the last word of a familiar incantation ...

... and suddenly she stopped mid-flight, unable to move a muscle. Locked as she was, balanced on the toes of one foot, the opposite leg kicked back in her running stance, Renai could only stare at the stairs and freedom as Jaheira walked to her and stood before her.

"And you said a holding spell was fairly useless," Jaheira sniffed. "I am glad that this morning I asked Mielikki to grant it to me. It does not seem so useless now. You will stand there and listen to me, now, or else I must summon the Tormite here and have him sit on you until you are feeling reasonable."

Renai tried to grunt but she couldn't even do that. Jaheira began to pace before her, quite obviously avoiding Renai's frozen glare. "I will begin with an apology. I was wrong to strike you, but I will not allow you to say such things of your mother. Yes, I know," she bobbed her head in time with her agitated stride, "I have said such things about my own, but she was deserving of such hatred. Moren was not. I will forgive you for this, as you are not quite yourself, but you will not allow such a thing to be said of her again. Are we in agreement?"

I. Will. Kill. Her. Renai thought. She'll forgive me?! How insignificant is this compared to what she's done? Again she tried to struggle, but it was useless. She glanced around the tavern to seek help, but the few patrons drinking their breakfasts weren't paying attention. Even the bartender had made himself too busy cleaning mugs.

"Fine, it is agreed. We shall not speak of this again," Jaheira said hurriedly. "As for the rest, I will explain, now."

A sudden pop cleared the pressure from Renai's ears, and she fell forward, free from the spell. Before Jaheira could speak again, Renai turned and swung at her, boxing the druid hard on her ear. "Don't you ever do anything like that to me ever again, you hear me? If you think what you did to Galvarey is nothing, you'll see nothing when I'm finished with you."

Jaheira scowled and rubbed her ear. "It was nothing."

"You're such a liar! You're such a liar! You lied then and you're lying now!" Renai threw up her hands in frustration. "You killed him in cold blood and you stand there and you tell me it was right?"

"I did not lie to you ... not exactly." Jaheira suddenly seemed to find something over the bar very interesting. "I only told you I meant to restrain him, and I did. Technically."

"What, we're splitting hairs now? It doesn't matter! You committed murder in my name and then you didn't tell me! And gods help me, I don't know which one to be angrier about! Dammit, Jaheira, I trusted you! You're the only one I can trust anymore! So what do I do with you now that I know you lie to me whenever it suits your pleasure?"

"I have not lied to you -- I only did not tell you what you didn't need to know." Renai could not keep from baring her teeth at Jaheira, who took a step back. "I tell you, it was not murder. I did what I had to do. Sometimes, such a death is necessary," she continued. "If I had not, he would never have left you in peace. He would not rest until you were dead! But I ..." Jaheira's voice faltered, and some of the confidence fell from her backbone. "I did not believe the Harpers would see this matter from his perspective. But you see, it is not as bad as that. They seek only me now, not you."

"You are the dumbest druid that ever walked the face of Toril, you know that? You travel with me! So if they're after you, they're after me, too! If you'd been honest with me, we would've been fighting them together, but no! You decide to run my life for me instead! You're as bad as Sir Keldorn!"

"There is no need to insult me so." Jaheira glared at Renai. "And I am not running your life. I am helping you. I promised your parents I would protect you, and I am!"

Renai brought her fists up. "You should concentrate more on yourself than on me right now. And I mean right now!"

"Excuse me!" A stout, dark-haired, dusky human man tapped Jaheira on her shoulder.

"Get lost!" Renai and Jaheira shouted at him in unison, then turned their glares back to one another.

The man was dressed in well-cut clothes of a fine cloth that had fallen into tatters, and the flesh of his face hung in limp jowls. Obviously a beggar, and Renai, who was normally as free with her money as she was with her sympathy for Athkatla's many vagabonds, found she had not a shred of patience to spare for him. "But I ..." he began.

"Didn't you hear us, we said get lost!" Renai snapped.

"We are having a private conversation and do not appreciate being interrupted," Jaheira echoed and turned her shoulder coldly to the beggar. To Renai, she said, "Do you seek to beat me to punish me for a lie? Or can we speak of this as grown women?"

"All right," the man sighed and shambled off. The women still ignored him.

"How about I beat on you awhile and then we'll talk!" Renai replied. A flash of light erupted in the corner, but she paid it no mind. "Or how about this: Why don't you just get the hell out of my life and we'll call it done?"

"You do not tell me what to do." Jaheira's eyes narrowed to small slits. "I will stay and go as I please. You cannot force anything upon me."

"Oh yeah? You forget, I've got a whole damn guild now! I'll have them kick your druid ass out into the street!" Renai yelled. The barflies still didn't look up. "So go find your precious Harpers and beg them for a second chance, because you've run out of them with me!"

A small ball of light shot between them, striking Jaheira in the chest and knocking her back. Stifling a scream, Renai whirled around and fell into a defensive crouch, her eyes darting around the room to see from where the attack originated.

The beggar stood in the center of the tavern, surrounded by three mages in green and black robes. As Jaheira staggered to her feet and took her place at Renai's side, he began to laugh.

"Well, well well," he chuckled, "it has been a long time, hasn't it, Jaheira, dear? I should let your little friend finish you off. But my way is ever-so-much more fun. And, already paid for." The man nodded to the mages, and in another flash of blinding lights, they teleported away.

"Who ..." Jaheira licked her lips and put her hand on Renai's shoulder as if to steady herself. "Who are you? What is this about?"

The mirthful expression on the man's face faded. "You mean you don't remember me?" He sighed. "I suppose it's been many years. Too many, really." He swept a rather elegant bow before them. "Ployer. Baron Ployer, of the Calimshan Ployers. Surely, Jaheira dear, you remember me."

Renai looked from Ployer to Jaheira and back again to the man who still looked like a beggar. A malicious glint lit his eye, even as dismay was darkening his face as Jaheira slowly replied, "No, I still do not recall you."

"My name means nothing to you?" Ployer threw up his hands. "I am Baron Ployer! Ployer! Bhaelros!" he swore, "not remembering is an even greater insult! You and your Harper kin accused me of breeding slaves in Calimshan! My businesses in Athkatla were taken! I was made a pauper! Now do you remember?!"

"Oohh. Ployer." Jaheira sniffed, then put her hand against her temples. Rather nonchalantly, she said, "Now I recall. Yes. I thought you were dead. At least, that was my wish at the time. But I suppose that you live in poverty is gratifying, if you must live at all."

Ployer was beginning to turn an unhealthy shade of red. "You wretched little bit-"

Renai held up her hand. "Not that word. Anything but that. We've already had a row over it this morning. Pick another. I'll help." She looked at Jaheira. "Shrew? Nag? No, you're right, that is the only word that works here!"

Jaheira frowned at her. "You are not helping," she said raggedly.

The break in her voice caught Renai's attention, and she peered closer at Jaheira. Most of the color had gone out of Jaheira's face, and dark shadows had appeared beneath her eyes. Small beads of perspiration had broken out on the druid's cheeks. "Jae," Renai asked, anxiety beginning to prick at her, "are you all right?"

Before Jaheira could answer, Ployer laughed again. "No!" he cried, gasping through his laughter, "She is not 'all right!' I'm repaying what was done to me! She will pay for her libelous ways."

Jaheira cocked her head. "I do not think that word means what you think. You were trading in slaves! How am I libelous ..."

"That doesn't matter! What matters is that you ruined me, and now I'm going to ruin you! Do you think the spell from the mages was just to get your attention?" Ployer rubbed his hands together, as if he were savoring a fine meal. Or a victory. "It is my curse, my nasty, nasty curse. A little something I had made just for you. I may not see your lingering death, but I will smile, knowing it will happen. Tonight, I sleep beneath rags so I that could afford this wasting death for you."

Renai's breath left her as she took in Ployer's words. Whatever it was that the wretched little man had done to Jaheira, it was killing her right before Renai's eyes. The hand that Jaheira held at her throat seemed thinner, weaker, than it rightly should have, and behind the druid's angry countenance, Renai saw fear.

"Nobody made you a slaver," Jaheira hissed. Her hand fell to the scimitar at her hip that had remained undrawn during her spat with Renai. "You blame those that caught you because you cannot take responsibility? You are a weak, weak man!"

"Ah," Ployer sighed happily, "that may be. But I will live. You will die. And very soon."

Renai looked into Jaheira's eyes, and all the animosity and anger she had felt just moments before became buried beneath a fierce protectiveness for the woman who had been her closest friend for so long. Whatever hate she held for Jaheira was nothing compared to her love. She shrugged and cocked her head to study Ployer. "Shall we?" she asked Jaheira.

"By all means." Jaheira drew her scimitar.

But Ployer held up a small gem and stepped back. "Goodbye, darling Jaheira. Oh, and by the way: Give my regards to Belgrade when you see him, won't you?" He flung the gem to his feet and disappeared in the column of pink smoke that erupted, leaving the women with nothing except the sound of his laughter echoing through the room and a feeling of despair eating at their hearts.