Thanks go to Laufey for allowing me to scr... uh, play around with her characters. Thanks again!Hope you like it!
ASW : Living on the edge 3 of 3
Vierna was in luck. School was out today because of a fire in the gym, so she would get to spend all day with her mother and her friends. Although, at the moment, she was faced with a difficult decision. In the jar were so many cookies. There was one with chocolate, one with coconut and one with yellow sugar. What to choose, what to choose? They were all so yummy! They all wanted to be eaten by her! This isn't fair! Why was choosing so hard?!
She shook her head and made her decision : she would simply eat them all!
"Just one, Vierna," Viconia called from her desk without looking up from her work. Awww, how did she always know?!
"Hey, Vic!" Valen called over from the lounge. Viconia put down her pen and found her friend draped over the comfy chair in the lounge.
"Seriously, don't you ever work?" Viconia asked.
"Work sucks, let's go shopping," Valen shrugged. "In the meantime, check out Heff over there."
And there came Edwin, strolling down the hall, a strut in his step. He had slung his blazer non-chalantly over his shoulder and held it there with two fingers while wearing a smile that couldn't be removed from his face with a blowtorch.
"Good morning people, all of you, (Let's humble the peons, oh, yes)," Edwin said.
"Someone got laid last night," Joneleth chuckled. "Anything to do with that spunky amputee that ripped you from the party?"
"Don't be so foul, Joneleth. I simply showed a lady a nice time. (At least five times, in fact. Take THAT, simian!)"
"I dunno, she seemed kinda wild for you," Valen said. "I'm surprised you're still alive."
"Oh, do not be silly. Aerie is a nice, calm, sophisticated lady. (She'll make you take your clothes off and go dancing in the rain. She'll make you live the crazy life or she'll take away your pain, like a bullet to your brain.)"
At that moment, there was a racket from the reception disk. The tap of heels sounded through the hallways, and Viconia didn't know how, but there was a certain sense of absolute fury in the rhythm of the taps. One look at Edwin's face made it clear that this was someone he knew.
A few seconds later, a horribly angry woman entered the lounge. She was wearing a no-nonsense business-suit and wore her long black hair loose. She was a middle-aged woman, but that did not belie her beauty in any way. She bore the manner of a queen, someone who was used to getting her way. She stared at Edwin intently, who started to twiddle his thumbs nervously.
"Edwin Morded Alexander Odesseiron," she shouted and pulled an envelope from her jacket. "What are you doing with this creature?!"
She threw the envelope on the table.
"Mordred?" Joneleth started to snicker.
"I wouldn't say anything," Edwin bit back. "Joneleth Bram Stoker Illescar!"
While Valen lay doubled over on the floor, Joneleth snarled at Edwin. "You promised you'd never tell anybody!!!"
Edwin ignored the sputtering elf and opened the envelope. Inside of it were pictures of the previous day, many of him with Aerie.
"You had someone follow me around, mother?" Edwin sputtered. "(How the hell did they get those pictures from the inside of Aerie's plane?)"
"I have to look out for my son, even if he does not appreciate my efforts," the woman replied.
"Oh, my god!" Valen said. "I know who you are now! Elvira Odesseiron Edwin, you never told me you were related to the Odesseirons running the Odesseiron Toy Company."
"CEO and creative director, thank you very much," Elvira said. "And do you mean to tell me that you never even told your friends and coworkers about us? For shame, Edwin, for shame. Well, I can imagine that you'd be embarrassed about your father, but certainly not your mother!"
"Mother, I wanted to make it in the world on my own," he said.
"You could have been a great man at OTC, a leader, a creative genius," Elvira said. "Like Zabina did."
"Oh, god, mother," Edwin grunted. "I just knew you were going to bring up Zabina! (That pink-lipstick freakazoid! Urgh.)"
"Zabina designed her own line of educational adventure dolls for Roarer PlayTools that's sweeping the market! That could have us, Edwin," Elvira said.
"I doubt it. (Zabina's probably hanging over a mirror snorting a thin white line right at this very moment. Here's hoping for an O.D). To design those crap dolls requires a certain insight into human stupidity that I lack. (Simians. All children are simians!)"
"So you're ashamed of us?" Elvira huffed. "Is that why you haven't visited us last mother's day?"
"I, uh, I... (Damn, why couldn't I remember that before mother's day)," Edwin looked around and spotted a home-made piece on Viconia's desk. He darted into Viconia's office and back, handing his mother the home-made ashtray-thing. "I, uh, made this for you with my own two hands. (Please buy it. Please?)"
At that precise moment, Vierna, who had been silently looking on until now, decided to speak up. "HEY!" she said angrily. "I made that for my momma, you dork!"
Viconia snatched the ashtray-thing from Edwin's hands and put it back on her desk, shooting Edwin an angry glare in the process.
"Oh," said Elvira when she noticed Vierna. "What a cute little girl. And a member of a targeted age-group to be studied carefully. Would you like to have a complementary toy?"
"Would I?!" Vierna giggled.
"Uh, wait a minute," Viconia said.
"Don't worry, I have plenty of toys," Elvira said. "So, what about a nice doll?"
"Hmmm, do you have a knight-set?" Vierna asked, giving Elvira her best Puss-in-Boots imitation.
"Interesting," Elvira said, fished a complete set of plastic knight-tools, including a plastic helmet, sword and breastplate out of her side pocket and gave it to the overjoyed child.
Joneleth scratched it's head. "Where the hell did that come from? That package was huge!"
"From my pocket," Elvira said simply and fished a small electronic device with a microphone from her breast-pocket. "Note to self : Have the R&D department look into the possibility of a slightly feminized line of boy's toys for young girls. There seems to be a keen market interest," she spoke into the device and let it slip back into the pocket when she was done.
"Why are you here mother?" Edwin said. "Only to say that you're still spying on me?"
"No, I want you to stop seeing that insipid elven girl immediately."
"I only met her yesterday. And she's nice and stable... sorta... (Not even mentioning the stupendously good sex.)"
"I'm serious, Edwin," Elvira spoke in a kindly voice. "Trust me, mummy knows best. And mummy knows quite well that girls like that have all kinds of diseases between their legs that you do not want to be subjected to."
Edwin grew bright red when he heard the snickers. "Please, let's just not have this conversation in front of my employees! (Oh, god, this is just like that time in highschool.)"
Meanwhile Vierna had donned the knight-suit and took a very practise-swings at a vase.
"Not here, Vierna," Viconia said. "You can go play outside on the lawn. Just stay near the windows so I can see you, honey." Vierna was out the door.
"Seriously, when your father finds out about this he'll... not do anything, actually, but you know what I mean..."
"Dad?" gulped Edwin. "He's... not here, is he?"
A plastic football crashed through the window and landed on the table next to the pictures.
"FOUR!" came from the broken window. There stood a middle-aged man with shaggy hair, a slightly distant look in his eyes and a ready smile on his face. In his hand, he was holding a nine-iron. "Sorry about the window, everybody. But, hey, Football golf is great! Just try it."
"Noooooo...." Edwin nearly sobbed.
"Now, now, your father is good to have around. His child-like mindset is quite handy for the toy company," she said and took out her device again. "Note to self : More product testing for Football golf. Use soft plastic for the club and a soft rubber football for prototyping.."
"Oh, dictate this too!" the man grinned. "It would be really cool if the football could like, fire missiles and stuff, and fit action figures! We could call it the Football patrol, and they're all super heroes with super-powers. And they wear pink tutu's! That way, we could also appeal to the young female market. It'll be a smash hit."
Elvira sighed and put her device away. "Of course, sometimes his ideas are just so mindnumbingly stupid, it makes me wonder if he has been lobotomized in his childhood."
"Is master Dekaras here too?" Edwin asked. "(Oh, please let him be here. Please let him be here. He usually picked my side!)"
Elvira shook her head. "Vadrak has better things to do than watch you all day long. Right now he's... resolving a bit of an issue at the Roarer PlayTools. Remember our originally designed playground equipment that somehow 'found its way' into Rory's inventory? Well, dear Vadrak is closing that leak as we speak."
A second set of taps could be heard from the hallways now, and Edwin instantly recognized it. "Oh, no. Not now... Please, not now..."
"Hi, Eddie!" greeted Aerie as she stepped into the lounge. "I thought to myself, Self, it's time to go visit that dear Eddie that gave me so much fun last night. Oh, man, erotic onslaught indeed..."
Behind a fuming Elvira, Edwin shook his head vigorously, hoping Aerie would catch on.
"... I mean, wow, that was a good night. Oh, yes, vigorously making love in various positions makes you truly feel alive," Aerie said.
"Hey," Viconia who had been spending most of her time at the coffee-machine and watching Vierna play outside. She seemed to have made contact with the toy-king Galen, but so far he seemed nice and harmless. But then she noticed Aerie. "Have we met before? You look remarkably like a hotel-owner at the seaside where Vierna and I went on holidays last year."
"No," Aerie blinked. "I never worked at a hotel. Must have been my evil twin from an alternative universe or something. I've read that happens a lot."
"You stay away from my darling boy, you fornicating hussy!" Elvira narrowed her eyes. "Oh, yes, I know your plans. You're out to rock his world and run off with all his money. My poor boy is so impressionable, especially by two-bit sluts like you."
Aerie blinked. "Okay... And you are?"
"The mother of the boy you have seduced so vilely!" Elvira huffed. "Elvira Odesseiron, owner of OTC toys. Do you realize I can have you killed?"
"Mother," Edwin challenged. "Before girlfriend, I am a manly man, not a boy. (A very manly man! I can last five times, as was proven yesterday. Of course I'm manly, hah!)"
"Geez, sink a valium," Aerie said. "We're just having a little fun here, no problems. Come on, live a little!"
"Oh, yes, I know your kind of fun," Elvira said. "You lure men into your bed with a whiny tale about your disability and them bitch them out of house and home."
"That's it!" Aerie said. "Come on, Eddie. Let's go bungee-jumping."
"Edwin!" Elvira snarled. "Stay here with mother!"
Edwin thought pensively. "Hmm, stay here and listen to mother embarrassing me, or go with a wild fun girl to do a deadly stunt. Face mother's wrath or jump off a bridge. No contest."
"Let's go. (Let's hope I get out of here alive... only to risk my life by jumping off a bridge. Argh, what have I become now, a simian?!)"
"What?!"
Edwin took Aerie by the hand and the two of them practically ran out the door, leaving a stunned Elvira behind.
Salvation came in the form of Viconia, who held out a cup of coffee for her.
---
"This is all your fault, you know?" Elvira said as the two women sat in the window-seat watching Vierna and Galen play.
Viconia raised an eyebrow. "How is this my fault?"
"He's always talking about you during the few times he visits us," Elvira sighed. "You played hard-to-get too long and now you've missed your chance."
Viconia bit her lip to keep herself from bursting out in laughter. Elvira was sad and laughing in her face, which was her first impulse, wasn't every appropriate. "What your son wanted from me was access to a living sexdoll. He actually made arrangements to have my daughter shipped off to a Swiss boarding school!"
"You could have called me, and I would have talked some sense into that stubborn head of his," Elvira said. "I know he can be... undiplomatic at times. Maybe I just pampered him too much when he was a child, I don't know. I know in my heart that any woman would be lucky to have him. But I didn't think he'd be silly enough to drop a college professor for that two-bit wild hussy."
The two women watched Galen and Vierna. Both were laughing and whooping while they were having a supersoaker duel.
"Note to self," Elvira spoke into the device. "Have R&D look into packaging a set of supersoaker pistols in one pack and lower the price slightly. Call it the duel-set and have a picture of two kids back to back on the package."
"I just worry," Elvira continued after putting back her device. "After I married Galen and took over his family toy company, I had two goals in life : my career and my son. And I've been quite vigorous in pursuing my goals, I'm afraid. Where did I go wrong? He didn't want to have anything to do with the toy company. And now he's dating a girl of questionable morals that's dangerous to him."
"The boy is rebellious, such is how he has always been," came a voice from the other side of the room. A man dressed entirely in black, from shirt to jeans to hair, moved from the shadows.
"What the..." Viconia blinked. "Who are you and how the hell did you get in here?"
"Ah, Vadrak," smiled Elvira. "Have you, ahum, solved our little problem?"
"You could say that the problem is now sleeping with the fishes," Vadrak said. "That would be somewhat accurate, at least. And you'll be happy to know that I have liberated the design documents for the new series of Dragonbreath Action-Dolls from our dear friend Rory."
Viconia raised an eyebrow. "Do I want to hear that?"
"Oh, dear lady, trust me," Elvira smirked. "Behind the colorful plastics and the fuzzy animals takes place a dark and dire war of attrition between our two companies that has claimed more than a few lives. Toys kill, ms DeVir. It's a war of corporate espionage, leaking falsified safety-reports to the media, defamation campaigns and idea-theft. Every household has products of both OTC and RPT, so the stakes are very, very high. Oh, Vadrak, have you placed the..."
"Oh, I am certain our man in the White House knows what to do," he nodded. "If he knows what's good for him."
A giggling Vierna, wearing a knight-suit came in through the door, a smiling Galen chasing after her with his supersoaker in hand. "HOLD!" Vierna suddenly turned around and held up her hand. "If you want to pass by me, you must first answer questions three!"
"Alright," Galen grinned. "I'll play."
"Question the first!" Vierna said. "Who's the fat guy from NYPD Blue?"
"Easy!" Galen grinned. "Sipowicz!"
"Question the second!" Vierna challenged. "Where does dew come from?"
"Easy! The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them sweat!"
"Question the third!" Vierna said. "How many chocolate is there in a bar?"
"Snickers or Twix?"
"I dunno... Oh, you may pass..."
"YES!" Galen grinned.
Dekaras offered a lopsided grin. "Everything for the children's happiness, I assure you."
"Oh, hello, dear, and you too, master Dekaras," Galen asked. "How fare you?"
Dekaras sat back in his chair for a moment. "I just witnessed Edwin jumping off a bridge with a rope around his ankles when I drove into this town. That is not an everyday occurrence to say the least."
"Dear Edwin has been seeing a hussy!" Elvira give Dekaras the pictures. "She's into danger-sports and all kinds of strange and horrid things. Did you know she starred in an adult feature film and eats fugu? And she's so rude... I can't believe he passed over ms. DeVir here for that."
"Look, Elvira," Viconia huffed. "For the last time, I was never romantically interested in your son."
"But..."
"Elvira, I'm sorry to say this but... Edwin is a penny-pinching, obnoxious jerk," Viconia said.
Dekaras nodded. "Elvira, I've been watching over Edwin, and I tend to lean towards ms DeVir's side. While I would not entirely consider her to be completely unbiased, Edwin's treatment of her has been less than respectful."
Elvira shook his head. "Fool boy. He could have had a college professor for a wife. I just know that two-timing hussy he's seeing now will run off with the poolboy and all his money."
"Noooo!" Viconia said again, but Elvira didn't seem to hear. "I have never wanted to marry, date or even live on the same planet with Edwin!"
"Elvira," Dekaras said. "Remember to listen once in a while."
Elvira sighed. "And there speaks the wise man who thought up our best-selling Disembowel me, Elmo doll."
"I assure you, that was pure luck on your company's part," Dekaras said. "I just voiced my severe dislike for Elmo in general."
"Dear, have you ever considered master Dekaras' other idea? The Nuke-me Teletubbies playset?" Galen asked.
---
"Whatcha thinking about?" Aerie grinned as she raked her nails over his chest. After the exhilarating experience of the bungee-jump, Aerie had expressed a desire to get rid of her excess energy and had known just the method. Edwin was too shook up by the experience he wasn't in the right state of mind to complain about everything.
"Oh, nothing, really. (Mother's going to kill me, mother's going to kill me... Oh, and I'm so happy that Aerie took me to her place, my own apartment is such a mess... and incriminating DVD's are strewn all over the place too.)"
"Hey," Aerie grinned and snuggled against Edwin. "I can see there's a lot on your mind now. That old hag getting to you?"
"That old hag happens to be my mother... and she's not joking about having you killed," Edwin said.
"Well, I'm not afraid of her," Aerie said. "I'm not afraid of anything... Well, except for vegans."
"Vegans," Edwin shuttered. "(Simians who reject meat and all animal-derived products. So, no bacon, no eggs, no milk, no leather. Fortunately for vegan fetishists, they still have PVC)."
"I've got... hey," Aerie suddenly said. "Did you just fondle my stumps?"
"Uh... no," Edwin gulped. "(Ack! Glorious trainwrecks, glorious trainwrecks!)"
"That's fine," Aerie said. "Hey, I got a great idea!" she said and rose from the bed. "Let's go back to uni and tell off your mom!"
"Uh, that is a horribly bad idea," Edwin said. "(Plus, I wouldn't want to be having Avariel soup for dinner every time I visit my parents.)"
Aerie pulled a shirt over her head. "No, really. Have some backbone, come on. Things need to be said."
"I don't know," Edwin said. "(I'm too young to die... though I would leave a beautiful corpse.)"
"We'd go over there, tell you mum off, and get back to my place for more vigorous sex!" Aerie said as she pulled on a pair of pants."
"... (When do we leave?)"
---
"Now say here," Aerie said as she faced off with Elvira while Dekaras looked on with amusement. In the background, Viconia was watching Vierna and Galen play with a train-set... of death!, a powerful prototype kiddy-train that fired missiles and had a miniature flamethrower built in... plus a make-up set for the girls. "Eddie here has got something to tell you. Eddie?"
Edwin shuffled forward. "Mum, mind your own business, please... (sorry, mummy.)"
"What did you say?" Elvira narrowed her eyes. "Or, more to the point, what did that hussy make you say?"
"Look!" Aerie said. "I like Eddie, okay?"
"HAH!" Elvira snorted. "You cannot even say his name right."
"Let the boy explore his own feelings, Elvira," Dekaras spoke up. "He can only learn from it, be it for ill or for good. Granted, she might a bit wilder than his previous girlfriends, but..."
"Don't even dare to mention your ex-wife in this conversation, Vadrak!" Elvira huffed.
Dekaras said. "How often must I say this? I never meant for it to happen. Malice and I got very drunk, one thing led to another, we did stupid things and ended up in the honeymoon suite in Las Vegas after being married by an Elvis impersonator. I was young. How many more times must I apologize for it?"
"When you explain to me why you stayed together for three months before getting that divorce," Elvira said, smirking at Dekaras' slight blush. "And tell that infuriating Drow to stop sending you a christmas present every year!"
"This is all besides the point, Elvira," Dekaras said, quickly changing the subject by pointing at Aerie.
"Is it, just look at her, earrings aplenty, unkempt hair, a tattoo!" Elvira said. "And I think the t-shirt speaks for itself."
"Huh?" Aerie looked down and saw that she was wearing her 'SuperSlut' joke T-shirt. "Oh, uh, that's just a joke-shirt. Didn't mind what I put on earlier."
"Listen, you blonde superslut hussy!" Elvira narrowed her eyes. "I'm not going to stand around here watching you defile my poor son with your sordid antics! Why, I'm willing to wager that the STD's are practically leaking from your..."
"Don't go there," Dekaras broke in.
"... Alright, then," Elvira reluctantly agreed. "But even you must admit that you are a bad influence on my son. Before he met you, he never ate poison..."
"... just clay..." Galen whispered to a giggling Vierna in the background.
"... never got into a plane that's smaller than the Odesseiron private jet and certainly never rollerbladed into a barrel! And I won't even get into the sordid nocturnal habits you've introduced him too! Just look at the pictures my private eye made and tell me this isn't all the machination of a deviant and twisted individual such as yourself."
"Oh, god, this isn't happening," Edwin
"Now you just listen to me," Aerie challenged. "You should be congratulating Edwin. I certainly do. I congratulate him because he got away from your meddling and your mothering, you old hag! But, hey, you're probably too old to understand that young people want to live on the edge, explore their boundaries of body and mind! How old are you, by the way? 40? 50? 90? However old you are, it's probably 400 in cow-years!"
A deadly silence fell in the room. The only person in the room still smiling was Vierna, who was wondering what the funny angry lady would say next.
"Hey," greeted Valen as she entered the lounged.
"What's going on?" asked Joneleth.
The silence met them, as the occupants of the room kept staring at each other.
"Uh-oh," Joneleth said. "Awkward moment with potential bloodshed in the air."
"Let's watch!" Valen grinned. "Shall I get the camera?"
"LET ME AT HER!" Elvira shouted. Dekaras caught her just in time, though she remained struggling. "I'll tear her esophagus out and strangle her with it! Then I'll cut out her implants and stuff them down her throat!!"
Joneleth blinked. "I thought those were real."
"Nope," Valen said. "Implants. I can smell those silicones from here."
"Miss Aerie," Dekaras replied coldly. "I should warn you that leaking implants can poison the body from within quite adequately, I believe. Do be... careful."
"Whatever, man," Aerie scoffed at Elvira. "Cmon, Eddie, let's go back to my place."
"I think not, little miss insult-monger! Nobody talked to my mum like that! Apologize this instant, you blonde-haired, fake-chested simian!" Edwin challenged.
"Hell no," Aerie said. "People who live on the edge don't apologize unless you collide with them while parachuting."
"Get lost, then, you incredibly sexy yet airheaded bimbo-bitch who tried to crash me and poison me!" Edwin said. "My mother was right about you."
Aerie shrugged. "Yeah, whatever, man. Easy come, easy go. I was planning on going to the beach anyway, and stand behind the fishermen on the pier with my belly-piercing hanging out. Ooooh, yeah, living on the edge,man!"
That said, Aerie flipped off both Elvira and Edwin and walked out the door.
"Edwin," Valen snickered. "You do realize you just gave up endless nights of wild, guilt-free sex, right?"
"(I shall not hear her). No," Edwin replied.
"I am proud of you, son," Elvira said and ruffled his hair, much to the amusement of others and much to the horror of Edwin.
Dekaras nodded. "That was indeed an uncharacteristic display of good judgment. Lets hope it lasts."
"Don't be so hard on him," Elvira replied. "He has learned a valuable lesson, and it's not as if this is the first stupid thing that you did that paid off in the end."
"(Oh, no, she wouldn't...) Mum, please not here. Uh, I'll pay you money?"
"Boy," Dekaras challenged. "Don't try to bribe your mother!"
"Seriously," Joneleth said. "What were you going to say, mrs Odesseiron?"
"Oh, I was just saying that Edwin's temporary stalking of ms. Leafwalker brought the two of us in contact. She is a lovely woman, and we decided to go in business together to produce toys for a more... adult audience. Hah, we're breaking open a whole new market! Rory will be so envious."
"Mother!" Edwin hissed. "Not..."
"Come now, Edwin. Adults like to play with toys too."
"Not in front of my employees!" he said, much to the laughter of his three underlings. "(When will this end?!)"
