ASW : Living on the edge 2 of 3
That evening, after the shooting was done and the sets had been broken down and placed back in the can, cast, crew and selected guests were gathered in the newly restored and thoroughly cleaned oratorium for the wrap party.
"Yes, all the shooting is done now," Laska said to Joneleth, who sipped from his wineglass. "I can finally get to the really fun part. I can't wait to get all this footage into my cutting room! That's where the art is made!"
"Oh, I so agree with that," Joneleth said, film being his area of expertise, after all. "Films are made and broken in the cutting room."
"Definitely," Laska said. "I gotta find out which camera-angles to use in succession to get the best flow in sequence. Doing that is the toughest part of film-making. After that, it's digital grading and splicing. It's a great feeling to see all your work coming together in a viewable product. I just finished cutting the Extended Edition of the Two Boners. It was interesting to revisit my earlier work and splice in new scenes that I liked, but couldn't quite put in. That I couldn't put in some of those bits of film, really broke my heart. In the extended edition, I expanded the orgy at Helm's Deep, for example."
"Uh, fascinating," Joneleth said and noticed Vixxxen was getting cozy with several frat-boys... not an easy thing to do considering she was a horned half-dragon. "What's she doing?"
"Oh, she's just recruiting for her video-series Half-Dragons Gone Wild," Laska said. "Cheap to produce, sells like girl-scout cookies at a bakesale. I think she and Mike will be taking the camera along to their frathouse in about... Oh, now," she chuckled when she saw Vixxxen was being carried off by several frat-members, Mike the camera-man in tow.
"Those poor boys have no idea how very exploited they are about to be," Laska smirked.
"Who cares?" Joneleth said. "They're never in class anyway. I heard about the stink-bombs those guys made in Professor Snape's chemistry class. I've heard his hair's gone white."
"Ah, there's the man of the hour," Laska greeted Edwin as the red-blazered dean entered the oratorium, dodging partying fratboys. "Thank you for allowing us to hold our wrap party here."
"It's all I can do to facilitate the stars," Edwin smiled. "(I just hope she gets my name right when the movie rolls its 'very special thanks' credits... Oh, and the school's name too, I suppose.)"
"And look who's turned up too?" Laska said to another elf who just came in. "I thought you had gone home."
Everybody looked at the elf. She was blonde, with hair that had been trimmed to the height of her shoulders. A black tanktop left her midriff bare, revealing a pierced belly-button. She wore simple jeans on top of some open stylish sandals. There was a sparkle in her blue eyes, and she bore herself with a confidence that radiated through the room. Her right ear was pierced with rings from tip to lobe and barely showing was the top of a tattoo, which seemed to disappear underneath her tank-top and emerged from underneath said top to lead to her lower back.
"The rising starlet," Laska and the newcomer shared a brief hug. "I'm still hoping to sign you up for an exclusive contract."
"I told you I don't want to tie myself down," spoke the elf. "Hello," she told Joneleth and Edwin and extended her hand. "I'm Aerie, pleased to meet you."
"I tell you, this girl has her career ahead of her," Laska smiled. "Whoa, incredible. I guess those crappy Penthouse letters about having sex with amputees had a core of truth after all."
"Uh," Joneleth said after shaking Aerie's hand and studying his own hand intently. "You're one of the performers, right. I'll, um, go wash up now," he said and left for the bathroom.
"Amputee?" Edwin said. "Everything's attached, isn't it? (Unless she had an internal organ amputated. Maybe she fell asleep on the beach and woke up with one kidney gone. It happened to Adam West...)"
Aerie smiled briefly and turned around. At the back of her tank-top, just below the shoulders, were two protrusions pushing into the cloth. "Used to be an avariel," she said.
"I see... (Dammit, why did she have to show me those stumps? Now I can't look away. Completely unaware of the hot young elf attached to those stumps. Ah, glorious trainwrecks, glorious trainwrecks)."
"Lost my wings a few years ago. I was living with my uncle at the time... Parents had a bad break-up, you see, after mum caught my dad in bed with a bald eagle. We were living close to the airport at the time, and I was stretching to go for a fly. I was barely 20 foot off the ground when I was cruelly cut down by a drunken pilot who cut me off. I tumbled to the ground and when I woke up in the hospital, they had already amputated my mangled wings."
"That is horrible. (Must not look. Must... ignore... stumps! Oh, no. She knows, she knows... Look at something else... something else, ah, Laska's breasts have come to my rescue once again. Just in time, whew.) So, um, you must have been quite stricken. (Oh, great, what kind of remark is that? Sheesh, even a simian would see through that comment.)"
"Oh, yes," Aerie nodded.
"(Luckily, she's not simian enough.) Please, continue. If it's not too painful for you, that is. (Then again, considering the noise she made this afternoon, nothing is painful for her.)"
"Well, I was depressed for some time, but then I just thought to myself 'Self, it's time to get down from the dumps'. It was MTV that saved me, you know?"
"You never told me that," Laska said.
"Yes, it's all that wingless vegetating in front of the telly with a big bucket of icecream. But on MTV, I saw people dancing, and laughing and doing all kinds of wild stuff like racing a shopping cart or climbing across a rope over a pit of alligators with a piece of meat sticking out of their underwear. These people were so active and they didn't even have wings! So, I decided I'd be just like them, live from day to day and do everything!" Aerie smiled. "And you know what? I did all kinds of things I just couldn't do before, when I still had wings. Like scuba-diving! Did you ever try to scuba-dive with two huge feathery wings on your back? You just can't do it, man, you'll sink like a stone. Or what about something simple like driving a car? I couldn't fold my wings in long enough to drive comfortably. Oh, and spelunking, I can do that too now."
"Just don't mention spelunking around Vixxxen. You know how that's an issue for her... what with her wings and all," Laska said.
"She should focus more on the positive, like I do. She might not be able to spelunk, but she has an acid-spit breath weapon. Think of the money she saves on mace," Aerie said.
"You focus solely on the positive aspect of your, ahum, condition?" Edwin asked. "(Oh, please don't tell me she's one of those born again Helmites boring her way through life begging for scraps of their god's table)."
"Well, of course," Aerie smiled. "If you focus on what you can do, instead of obsessing about what you can't do anymore, your life will be a lot better. I hate to think what kind of whiny bitch I could have become if I kept wallowing in my self-pity all the time," she shuddered briefly. "Why do that, when I can spend my time rollerblading or doing other wild stuff."
"Like starting a porns... Uhm, career as adult entertainer, I mean. Sorry," Laska said.
"Try everything at least once, and live from day to day, that's what I always say," Aerie giggled. "It was interesting, but I'm not sure if I'm going to do it again anytime soon."
"Just give me a call if you ever change your mind," Laska smiled. "No pressure."
Edwin shook his head. "Rollerblading? You actually rollerblade? (Staring in artful adult entertainment is one thing, but rollerblading?! That's a monkey-sport if I've ever heard one. Who'd willingly risk their lives on little wheel-shoes that look like they were designed by dwarven midgets)."
"You never rollerbladed?" Aerie's eyes grew wide as she grabbed Edwin's blazer and pulled him towards the door. "Let's try it then! Come on!"
"Uh, wha... wha? (Dammit, she heard me!)"
---
After a quick change in the back of Aerie's car, Aerie was now wearing a backless lycra shirt and had donned two rollerblades. At the curb in front of the university, was the perfect place to go blading. Aerie tested the waters by skating a few meters then pirouetting a few times.
"Come on, Eddie," Aerie giggled.
"Hold on, hold on," Edwin groaned as he struggled to keep himself from falling down by holding on to the fence next to the curb. Even so, he lost his footing and flailed his now wheeled feet underneath his body in an effort to keep from slipping away. "Damn, damn. Tell me, why the bloody hell am I doing this again?!"
Aerie giggled, bladed over to Edwin and helped him up. She clutched her arms around his his chest and hoisted him up. "That's it. Hold on to the fence... Okay, now bend your knees, keep your weight centered. Okay, now you're standing. See how easy it is?"
"Now I remember why I'm doing this," Edwin said.
"Because it's fun, right?"
"(Actually, it's because I'm getting felt up by an adult entertainer, but she doesn't need to know that, oh no.)"
Aerie felt eyes burning in her back and she snapped her head to a fratboy standing behind her. "Yeah, these are stumps, alright! Why don't you take a picture, it'll last longer!" she snapped.
The now embarrassed fratboy hurried along to whatever house he belonged to. "Jerk," she snorted. "Alright, Eddie, are you ready for the big ride?"
"Uh, big ride? (Can't we start easy? Like, to the other side of the curb and back to the fence?)"
"Go on, live a little!" Aerie grinned and gave Edwin a push.
Letting out a shout from the depths of his lungs, Edwin was launched across the curb, yelling even louder when he noticed the curb sloped downward. Miraculously, he remained upright on the rollerblades as he shot off campus and into the streets. He shrieked when he saw the inevitable end of the ride approaching fast in the form of the furniture shop.
"Dear me," said Aerie after she had skated towards the crash-site. "We should really work on your sense of direction. You ended up in this alley filled to the rim with packaged mattresses and pillows and you hit the only metal dumpster in sight."
"Ouch. (Ouch)," Edwin said.
Aerie put her hands on her hips. "I guess rollerblading isn't for you. But I know something else we can do."
---
Edwin found himself at peace as he was soaring through the sky. The little Cessna he shared with Aerie flew calmly through the clouds, and he did believe he just saw his parent's mansion way below. He certainly thought this trip was much nicer than that confounded rollerblading.
He turned to the pilot. Aerie handled the plane like a pro, carefully adjusting for each factor and kept it completely steady in the air.
"Ah, you are quite the multi talented woman, Aerie. You have more competency that I had given you credit for earlier. (Her status as 'bimbo' I had assigned her earlier, doesn't seem not apply)."
"Thank you," Aerie smiled. "I love flying. And I can actually get higher in this plane than with my wings. I had to stay low or I'd freeze, but now..."
"These Cessna's are quite expensive, are they not?" Edwin asked.
"I wouldn't know," Aerie said. "It's my uncle's plane."
"I see," Edwin said. "You uncle must be a wealthy man if he can afford to buy his niece her own plane."
"Not really," Aerie said. "He made it himself."
It was then that Edwin dug his nails into his seat.
"Yeah, he cobbled it together at the dump when we works. It's made from the wrecks of planes that have crashed and were dumped there, you see? Heh, let's hope this Frankenplane serves us better than its previous masters, hm?"
The only sound that Edwin could make after hearing those words were something along the lines of : "Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..."
"Something wrong?"
"No, no... What could possibly be wrong? (Aside from flying inside the bloody, burned remains of crash victims, that is!) I'm flying with a licensed pilot, after all," he chuckled nervously.
"Actually, I don't have a license. Since I've been flying all my life, I figured I didn't need one."
"Ah. (Parachutes, parachutes, where are the parachutes? Aren't there supposed to be oxygen masks falling down from the ceiling? Duck and cover! Duck and cover!)"
"Hey, Eddie, check this out," Aerie smirked and pointed the nose of her plane downward, sending the little Cessna spiraling down towards the ground, only to pull up again and run her plane into a loop, followed by a barrel-roll.
To Edwin, the world was spinning. All sense of rhyme and reason was gone and Edwin found he could only utter a single syllable : "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Oops," Aerie grimaced after she had leveled her plane. "Got a little enthusiastic there. Uh, don't worry, it's easy to clean up. Not the first time this happened on a date. Well, at least you'll be hungry again for our dinner date."
---
"Feeling better, Eddie?" Aerie smiled as they approached her favorite restaurant : the Iron Cookeru Sushi-bar.
"Slightly, but I'm afraid I might left my stomach somewhere up in the air. (Or, more likely, it's somewhere near my soiled undergarments)," Edwin grimaced.
The sushi bar was quiet and had a friendly atmosphere. The burly sushi-master who went by the way of Bazooka Joe, grunted a welcome at Aerie.
"Hey, B.J," Aerie greeted. "Fugu us!"
A few minutes later, Edwin and Aerie were chatting in the booth and Edwin was once again at peace. At least he was safe on the ground, and there weren't any wheels underneath his feet... just a nice solid booth made out of Japanese bamboo. He took a sip from his Usagi Odango cocktail, sickeningly sweet, but still intoxicating, while B.J. arrived with their strange fish.
He had to admit it looked appetizing and dug in.
"Uhm, Edwin?" Aerie said. "You're supposed to grasp the fish between the chopsticks, not stab at it."
"(Hah, no food is safe before the hungry might of Edwin Odesseiron)."
"Ah, Fugu," Aerie said. "Did you know that Fugu is a poisonous fish?"
Edwin's gleeful chewing slowly started to grind to a halt. He started chewing with less and less vigor.
"Yeah, only one part of the Fugu is no poisonous and that is the only bit that's safe to eat," Aerie grinned. "Skilled chefs train for years to cut out that bit of meat, and they only have to miss one teensy bit and BAM you've got a deadly poison in your system!"
Edwin slowed his chewing to less than one per minute.
"Ah, just knowing that certain death can strike at every bite..." she said after eating a piece herself. "Doesn't that make you just feel like you're living on the edge."
Edwin swallowed his fugu hard. The lump of potentially deadly fish sank through his throat and into his stomach. Edwin felt every millimeter of movement in his esophagus.
"What's wrong, are you okay?"
Edwin nodded weakly.
---
"Well, this is it," Aerie said while she approached her home, a small but cozy looking house at the edge of town, slightly in the hills. It was painted light blue and several plants, all cacti, were growing on her lawn. She had parked her car, and Edwin had noticed she had a few crossbikes and quad-bikes in there. For a moment, he feared another hellish trial, but breathed a sigh of relief when Aerie headed to the door. "I had great fun today."
"Well, naturally so, because you went on an impromptu date with Edwin Odesseiron (the greatest lady-pleaser of all time! If only Viconia would have realized that.)"
Aerie offered a lopsided, expecting grin while she opened the door.
"(Ah, and now comes the kiss. Let's hope there's not a bit of poisoned fugu stuck to her teeth.)"
Edwin leaned in, but yelped as the wild elf suddenly grabbed him by the collar and tore him inside the house.
Here we are. Meet Neutral Aerie. Honestly, I tried to make Aerie more likable, but in retrospect, I think I added a whole new layer of annoyance to her character.
---Weyoun
