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Cards Reshuffled 267


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#1 Laufey

Posted 24 September 2005 - 07:21 AM

Disclaimer: We're being nasssty and tasssteless again, Precious!


Cards Reshuffled 267 – Halfling Vindaloo

No matter if you’re adventuring in Maztica or Chult, in the Abyss or Elysium, remember this one thing. There’s no such thing as a free lunch.

Excerpt from ‘Ruminations Of A Master Bard’


Valygar was walking grimly ahead, following the rest of the party along a dull military gray corridor, trying to forget all about the insane conversation he had just been subjected to. Far, far better to concentrate on what lay ahead instead. Lavok. Lavok is close, and I’m going to kill him. And then…

And then what? Assuming he survived the meeting with his ancestor, then what would he do? He didn’t know. Go back to Imnesvale, perhaps. Finally some peace and quiet, and absolutely no magic. Yes, that sounds about right.

“DEATH! DEATH! DEEEEAAAAATH!”

The roar came from at least a dozen throats, and it sounder rather high and piping. The reason for this became apparent as the party turned the next corner and came face to face with a troupe of halflings. If it was anything they didn’t fit, it was the stereotype of halflings as ‘jolly’. These particular halflings had their teeth filed to sharp points, their faces were painted with red and blue warpaint, and they had nasty-looking bone necklaces hanging around their throats. As Valygar took a closer look, he saw that the round and hairy objects dangling from the leader’s belt were, in fact, shrunken heads. All of the halflings wielded sharp spears taller than themselves, and as soon as they had spotted the adventurers, they lowered them, preparing to attack.

There was a ripple in the air around Zaerini, the light bent around her and her appearance changed. Suddenly, her head looked like that of a red dragon, with glittering scales and wicked orange eyes. She breathed out, and flames shot out towards the startled halflings, making them shy back. This distraction was enough, for it had bought the rest of the party the time they needed. Jan sent bouncing lightning from one halfling to the next, even as the fireball Edwin sent flying after them incinerated the rest. One of them just had time to turn around and fire an arrow in Valygar’s direction. The ranger blinked, knowing he wouldn’t have time to duck…he felt a cold chill down his spine and a crackling sensation inside his head…and the halfling was gone, engulfed in Edwin’s fireball and leaving only a pile of soot behind.

“Yuck, burning halfling,” Zaerini said, wrinkling her nose. The illusion had dissipated, and she once more looked like herself. “Well done though, hopefully that will keep them from messing with us again.”

“And even better,” Jan said as he examined the still smoking halfling bodies, “It heated up these boxes they were carrying quite nicely. Smells yummy, doesn’t it??”

Valygar had to admit it wasn’t too bad. A sharp smell, that brought tears to his eyes, it was nevertheless quite appealing. “That would be those ‘curries’ that the knights of Solamnia spoke of, he said.”

Zaerini nodded. “Yep. We should bring some back for them, I guess.”

“Ah, but surely not before we have a little taste ourselves?” Edwin said. “While I doubt it can compare to Thayvian cuisine, it does seem as if these halflings have at least a rudimentary grasp on the use of spices.”

“I’m with you there, Red,” Jan said. “I’m getting a bit peckish myself. Think they got any turnip curry?”

“It doesn’t say,” Anomen replied, as he examined the metal boxes that were giving off the tempting smells. “All it says is ‘mild’, ‘hot’, ‘extra hot’, ‘xxx’ and ‘vindaloo’. What is a ‘vindaloo’, I wonder?”

“Well, of course you wouldn’t know that, you ignorant simian!” Edwin scoffed. “Blissfully unaware of higher magic as you are, you wouldn’t have heard of the great Demon Lord Vindaloo, the master of heartburn! (One day I will conjure him myself…one day…)”

“If this food is demonic in origin then we definitely shouldn’t eat it,” Jaheira said. “We have some perfectly good rations with us. Dried bread, dried cheese, dried fish, dried meat, even some dried nuts if you want dessert.” Deep and reproachful silence met her, and she looked annoyed. “What?”

“But it smells so good…” Zaerini said, smiling appealingly at the druid.

“I detect no trace of any undead activity within,” Anomen helpfully added.

“Boo says it’s sweet and juicy, tender and fresh and just hot enough!”

“There may be no turnips, but it smells as delicious as if it had been cooked by my cousin Martha Jansen herself, who was well known for being the best cook in the Realms, right up until she went to jail for trying to market the Jansen Diet. It was really very simple, the idea was that you could eat as much as you liked of whatever you liked.”

“Sounds brilliant,” Zaerini said. “What went wrong?”

“Well, nobody ever actually lost weight from it, but hey, it’s not as if cousin Martha said they would. I say it was a miscarriage of justice, and that turnip containing a file that was smuggled into her cell had absolutely nothing to do with me.”

“Fine, fine,” Jaheira impatiently said. “Bring the boxes along, then. Now come, before more halflings appear.”

More halflings did appear, and this bunch had a couple of mages along. The battle was quite a bit nastier than the first one, with the halfling mages casting several unpleasant explosive and paralyzing spells. “Such a shame they didn’t bring their spellbooks along,” Edwin complained as Jaheira was patching him up after the battle was won. “I would have liked to examine them.”

“Admitting there are nefarious magics you have not yet penetrated?” Anomen dryly said. “You are slipping, wizard.”

“My penetrative skills leave nothing to be desired, priest,” Edwin sneered. “Unlike you I wasn’t drooling over those idiotic knights we encountered earlier. The scruffy one seemed to catch your eye especially.”

“He…I…I did not drool! You will take that slur back at once or…”

“Stop it!” Zaerini snapped. “Both of you. Eddie, stop teasing him. Ano, stop picking fights. Both of you, why don’t you…have a curry or something.”

“She is quite right,” Jaheira agreed. “Do try to behave as adults for a few seconds, while Jan is scouting the next room.”

The two men subsided into sulky silence, both of them practically pouting. They did eat the curry though, and although Anomen’s eyes were tearing, and Edwin’s face was quite red, they both wanted seconds. “It isn’t totally inadequate,” the Red Wizard grudgingly admitted. “You should try some, my Hellkitten, this red variant is especially tasty.” He held out a carefully selected morsel to his lover, who grinned and opened her mouth, letting him feed her.

“Mmm…” she said. “You’re right, it is good. Nice and hot. Jaheira, want some?”

Jaheira shook her head, and as the sole person present helped herself to a portion of dried bread, dried cheese and dried nuts. “Thank you, no,” she said. “I prefer not to have my sinuses scorched from within as I eat.”

“Very…spicy.” Anomen said, clearing his throat. “Good, though.”

Minsc didn’t say anything. He was busy shoveling large gobs of curry down his throat, seemingly oblivious to any burning sensation. Oddly enough, Boo was digging in right next to him, only his furry little hamster bottom visible as he dove headfirst into a box of curry. Strange, Valygar thought. I never would have thought to see a hamster so eager for meat.

Though the curry was very tasty, he had to admit that himself, and it had been quite some time since breakfast. Wondering idly if by now his breath would be enough to vaporize Lavok, he barely noticed as Jan came back.

“Er…hi there, everybody!” the gnome chirped. “Er…having a nice lunch, are we?”

“We are,” Zaerini replied. “Oh, and we’ve saved some for you, one of those boxes with the green wobbly bits in, and another one with long yellowish things. They both taste great.”

“Er…good.”

“So, what did you find?” Anomen asked.

Jan shrugged helplessly. “Well Ano, I think you’d just better come along and see for yourself, or I’d be put in the same situation as my uncle Cindy when he was caught by his wife, dancing in her best underwear with his hair died pink. Sometimes it’s best not to say anything at all, and you know I’m a quiet and reticent gnome who doesn’t like to just let his mouth run aimlessly when he can’t contribute anything meaningful to the conversation or when his charming anecdotes fail to amuse his audience.”

“What?”

“Let’s go then,” Zaerini said. “I think we’re all full anyway.”

Valygar went along, following the others down yet another long corridor, this one a uniform ocean gray. As he walked, he became aware of an itch along his sternum, and noticed a tear in the leather of his armor there. As he dug his fingers into it, he touched something cold and hard, and just managed to dig it out. An arrowhead? So that halfing had managed to fire his bow after all, and had even managed to hit him. It had clearly managed to pierce his armor. Then why didn’t it harm me? I didn’t feel a thing.

But there was little time to muse on such things now, he decided. They had reached yet another round chamber, about as large as the one where they had met the Solamnian Knights. It looked much a wizard’s laboratory, with several bookshelves and workbenches. Valygar’s hands clenched for a few seconds as he took in the all too familiar sight. No. No time for this now. There was a golem too, a large metal one, standing silently in a corner. Whatever it had been built to do, it wasn’t active at the momentm, possibly because its head seemed to have partially exploded. There was a large pile of empty curryboxes on the floor, and tiny clothing was lying about everywhere. It seemed that the halflings had been using the room for quite some time. There were also three doors, all of them closed.

“So what did you want to show us?” Anomen asked.

Jan pointed at one door. “Well, that one is locked. I tried to pick the lock, but that won’t work. See?”

And as he touched the door, that bored voice once again spoke from nowhere, the voice they had heard as they first entered the Sphere. “Now what?” it said. “Oh. It’s you again. Go away, only the golem’s allowed to open this door.”

“But the golem is dormant,” Jaheira said. “How are we supposed to activate it?”

“I forgot. It’s been quite some time in deep space, doing nothing but playing solitaire and Minesweeper with myself to make the time pass. That can crack anybody, you know. Forget my own name next.”

“And what is your name?” Anomen asked, and his voice sounded quite strained.

There was silence. “Er…Hal? No, no, that’s not right…I don’t think. Anybody named Dave here?”

“No,” Jaheira patiently said. “There is nobody named ‘Dave’ here.”

“Good for him, it’s a bad luck name. Then I guess I’m probably not Hal…I’m very sorry about having to do this, Dave.”

“There is no Dave here! I’m not Dave! They’re not Dave! There is no Dave!”

“Oh, I know that.” There was a quite chuckle. “Just pulling your leg. What a wheeze, eh?”

“Hilarious;” Edwin caustically said. “Now tell us how to activate that golem, you demented pile of nuts and bolts, before I dismantle you and play solitaire with your core parts.”

“Told you, don’t know how to. The little halflings made it run though…say, any idea where they went to? They were a good laugh.”

“Ah,” Jan said, grinning feebly. “I was just getting to that part. You’ll all want to take a look at what’s behind door number two, I think.”

Valygar was the first to open the door. Then, he stood on the threshold, staring silently. Somewhere behind him, he could hear somebody being violently sick. From the curses intermingled with the retching, he thought it was Edwin.

This second door led to a storage room. It was quite cold, with ice forming on the walls. On the walls there were hooks. On the hooks there were…

Still smiling, they’re still smiling, and they look almost happy…halflings…happy halflings…

On the floor, there were more metal boxes. These ones weren’t empty.

And I had a second helping too.

“So…” Zaerini said in a kind of bright and brittle voice as she leaned against the doorpost. “Maybe, now that I think about it, some dried nuts wouldn’t have been so bad after all.”





Next: Valygar has a shocking revelation.
Rogues do it from behind.

#2 Guest_Dadri_*

Posted 24 September 2005 - 08:14 AM

I had a feeling that anything that had bone necklaces and shrunken heads might be eatting something that wasn't chicken. Perhaps Jaheira got the same vibe...

Poor Tormented Valygar. All he wants to do is settle down and get away from magic! Not talk to crazy knights, not get shot by or eat halflings, just go curl up in Imnesville and aviod magic and mages for the rest of his life... not a grand aspiration, but certainly one in which he has conviction...but he's dooomed...doomed to necromancer tea parties, doomed to halfling curries, doomed to see and do these things... :evil:

And poor Jan, not even able to tell them what they were eatting...having to show them because he couldn't do it. You know it's bad when he's too flustered to tell a full long horrible story.

Despite the fact that it was very eeevil...it's still an interesting and compelling chapter to read, and everyone's reaction to it was interesting to see too. You never did tell us what was in door number two, but you didn't need to... Door number three was enough. :arrow:

#3 Laufey

Posted 24 September 2005 - 09:02 AM

I had a feeling that anything that had bone necklaces and shrunken heads might be eatting something that wasn't chicken. Perhaps Jaheira got the same vibe...


I think she well might have. :evil:

Poor Tormented Valygar. All he wants to do is settle down and get away from magic! Not talk to crazy knights, not get shot by or eat halflings, just go curl up in Imnesville and aviod magic and mages for the rest of his life... not a grand aspiration, but certainly one in which he has conviction...but he's dooomed...doomed to necromancer tea parties, doomed to halfling curries, doomed to see and do these things... ;)


*grin* Yes, I know...I feel rather guilty about what I'm doing to him, but it's just too much fun to pass up.

And poor Jan, not even able to tell them what they were eatting...having to show them because he couldn't do it. You know it's bad when he's too flustered to tell a full long horrible story.


Indeed.

Despite the fact that it was very eeevil...it's still an interesting and compelling chapter to read, and everyone's reaction to it was interesting to see too. You never did tell us what was in door number two, but you didn't need to... Door number three was enough. :arrow:


Thanks, I'm glad you liked it! ;)
Rogues do it from behind.

#4 Guest_Theodur_*

Posted 24 September 2005 - 11:09 AM

Disclaimer: We're being nasssty and tasssteless again, Precious!


Okay, we’re now up to cannibalism. I shudder to think where you will go next. No, seriously, I dread to think about that. :shock:

Cards Reshuffled 267 – Halfling Vindaloo


Since I’ve never eaten a vindaloo, this chapter didn’t leave me with a long lasting emotional trauma. :?

The roar came from at least a dozen throats, and it sounder rather high and piping. The reason for this became apparent as the party turned the next corner and came face to face with a troupe of halflings. If it was anything they didn’t fit, it was the stereotype of halflings as ‘jolly’. These particular halflings had their teeth filed to sharp points, their faces were painted with red and blue warpaint, and they had nasty-looking bone necklaces hanging around their throats. As Valygar took a closer look, he saw that the round and hairy objects dangling from the leader’s belt were, in fact, shrunken heads. All of the halflings wielded sharp spears taller than themselves, and as soon as they had spotted the adventurers, they lowered them, preparing to attack.


That’s more ‘feral’ than ‘jolly’, I would say. :roll:

“And even better,” Jan said as he examined the still smoking halfling bodies, “It heated up these boxes they were carrying quite nicely. Smells yummy, doesn’t it??”


Err, I am not sure just how insane you have to be to eat something left behind by those feral halflings. Well, unless you are dying from hunger, of course. ;)

Valygar had to admit it wasn’t too bad. A sharp smell, that brought tears to his eyes, it was nevertheless quite appealing. “That would be those ‘curries’ that the knights of Solamnia spoke of, he said.”


Or rather – how insane do you have to be to eat something that comes with a recommendation of Mr. Smeghead himself. :D

“Ah, but surely not before we have a little taste ourselves?” Edwin said. “While I doubt it can compare to Thayvian cuisine, it does seem as if these halflings have at least a rudimentary grasp on the use of spices.”


It’s not the spices I would be concerned about.

“It doesn’t say,” Anomen replied, as he examined the metal boxes that were giving off the tempting smells. “All it says is ‘mild’, ‘hot’, ‘extra hot’, ‘xxx’ and ‘vindaloo’. What is a ‘vindaloo’, I wonder?”


XXX? Porn curry??? ;)

“If this food is demonic in origin then we definitely shouldn’t eat it,” Jaheira said. “We have some perfectly good rations with us. Dried bread, dried cheese, dried fish, dried meat, even some dried nuts if you want dessert.” Deep and reproachful silence met her, and she looked annoyed. “What?”


Aww, a kindred soul – normally I am not much for spicy food myself. I would love some dried cheese, though. ;)

“There may be no turnips, but it smells as delicious as if it had been cooked by my cousin Martha Jansen herself, who was well known for being the best cook in the Realms, right up until she went to jail for trying to market the Jansen Diet. It was really very simple, the idea was that you could eat as much as you liked of whatever you liked.”


“Sounds brilliant,” Zaerini said. “What went wrong?”


Erm, has Rini taken a knock to the head that she asks what went wrong? ;) I would have expected her to ask something more like ‘Let me guess, for some strange reason it didn’t work as well as advertised?’

More halflings did appear, and this bunch had a couple of mages along. The battle was quite a bit nastier than the first one, with the halfling mages casting several unpleasant explosive and paralyzing spells. “Such a shame they didn’t bring their spellbooks along,” Edwin complained as Jaheira was patching him up after the battle was won. “I would have liked to examine them.”


Actually, that one group of halflings is very nasty. I was really caught out unprepared the first time I played… I thought, oh halflings, well they can’t be all too tough. ;)

“My penetrative skills leave nothing to be desired, priest,” Edwin sneered. “Unlike you I wasn’t drooling over those idiotic knights we encountered earlier. The scruffy one seemed to catch your eye especially.”


Come now Edwin, we all know that it isn’t scruffy knights that make Anomen drool.

Jaheira shook her head, and as the sole person present helped herself to a portion of dried bread, dried cheese and dried nuts. “Thank you, no,” she said. “I prefer not to have my sinuses scorched from within as I eat.”


Somehow, I get a feeling that Jaheira’s wisdom score is being her savior once again. :)

Minsc didn’t say anything. He was busy shoveling large gobs of curry down his throat, seemingly oblivious to any burning sensation. Oddly enough, Boo was digging in right next to him, only his furry little hamster bottom visible as he dove headfirst into a box of curry. Strange, Valygar thought. I never would have thought to see a hamster so eager for meat.


They are herbivores. A ranger should be particularly creeped out by this observation. :?

“Er…hi there, everybody!” the gnome chirped. “Er…having a nice lunch, are we?”


Ah. Jan, the usual bringer of Good News. :arrow:

Jan shrugged helplessly. “Well Ano, I think you’d just better come along and see for yourself, or I’d be put in the same situation as my uncle Cindy when he was caught by his wife, dancing in her best underwear with his hair died pink. Sometimes it’s best not to say anything at all, and you know I’m a quiet and reticent gnome who doesn’t like to just let his mouth run aimlessly when he can’t contribute anything meaningful to the conversation or when his charming anecdotes fail to amuse his audience.”


Basically, the translation is like this: the news I bring are so dire that I don’t even dare to talk about them, fearing your predictably violent reaction. :)

Valygar went along, following the others down yet another long corridor, this one a uniform ocean gray.


Lovely reference. So he can tell apart the ocean gray from the military gray. How… useful. :)

“I forgot. It’s been quite some time in deep space, doing nothing but playing solitaire and Minesweeper with myself to make the time pass. That can crack anybody, you know. Forget my own name next.”


Ah, the famous IQ of 6,000, wasn’t it? :D

“Ah,” Jan said, grinning feebly. “I was just getting to that part. You’ll all want to take a look at what’s behind door number two, I think.”


No. Times like this, I say ignorance is bliss.

Valygar was the first to open the door. Then, he stood on the threshold, staring silently. Somewhere behind him, he could hear somebody being violently sick. From the curses intermingled with the retching, he thought it was Edwin.


Poor baby. :evil:

“So…” Zaerini said in a kind of bright and brittle voice as she leaned against the doorpost. “Maybe, now that I think about it, some dried nuts wouldn’t have been so bad after all.”


Told you so! :D

Next: Valygar has a shocking revelation.


Other than that he just ate lots of halfling vindaloo? You know, I start to get the feeling that character torture has become pretty much the sole leading motif in this story. ;)

#5 Laufey

Posted 24 September 2005 - 11:29 AM

Disclaimer: We're being nasssty and tasssteless again, Precious!


Okay, we’re now up to cannibalism. I shudder to think where you will go next. No, seriously, I dread to think about that. :)


Hm...what to do, what to do. :arrow:


Cards Reshuffled 267 – Halfling Vindaloo


Since I’ve never eaten a vindaloo, this chapter didn’t leave me with a long lasting emotional trauma. :P


They're yummy!


“And even better,” Jan said as he examined the still smoking halfling bodies, “It heated up these boxes they were carrying quite nicely. Smells yummy, doesn’t it??”


Err, I am not sure just how insane you have to be to eat something left behind by those feral halflings. Well, unless you are dying from hunger, of course. :)


I think 'impulsive' fits them nicely, myself.


“It doesn’t say,” Anomen replied, as he examined the metal boxes that were giving off the tempting smells. “All it says is ‘mild’, ‘hot’, ‘extra hot’, ‘xxx’ and ‘vindaloo’. What is a ‘vindaloo’, I wonder?”


XXX? Porn curry??? :D


I think we're better off not knowing, really. It could be that as you try to eat that one, it leaps down your throat and starts groping your esophagus.

“If this food is demonic in origin then we definitely shouldn’t eat it,” Jaheira said. “We have some perfectly good rations with us. Dried bread, dried cheese, dried fish, dried meat, even some dried nuts if you want dessert.” Deep and reproachful silence met her, and she looked annoyed. “What?”


Aww, a kindred soul – normally I am not much for spicy food myself. I would love some dried cheese, though. :D


Not me, that's way too boring. ;)


“Sounds brilliant,” Zaerini said. “What went wrong?”


Erm, has Rini taken a knock to the head that she asks what went wrong? :D I would have expected her to ask something more like ‘Let me guess, for some strange reason it didn’t work as well as advertised?’


Well, perhaps I should phrase that a bit differently...

More halflings did appear, and this bunch had a couple of mages along. The battle was quite a bit nastier than the first one, with the halfling mages casting several unpleasant explosive and paralyzing spells. “Such a shame they didn’t bring their spellbooks along,” Edwin complained as Jaheira was patching him up after the battle was won. “I would have liked to examine them.”


Actually, that one group of halflings is very nasty. I was really caught out unprepared the first time I played… I thought, oh halflings, well they can’t be all too tough. :?


Me too, they killed my entire party, I think.

“My penetrative skills leave nothing to be desired, priest,” Edwin sneered. “Unlike you I wasn’t drooling over those idiotic knights we encountered earlier. The scruffy one seemed to catch your eye especially.”


Come now Edwin, we all know that it isn’t scruffy knights that make Anomen drool.


:evil:

Jaheira shook her head, and as the sole person present helped herself to a portion of dried bread, dried cheese and dried nuts. “Thank you, no,” she said. “I prefer not to have my sinuses scorched from within as I eat.”


Somehow, I get a feeling that Jaheira’s wisdom score is being her savior once again. :D


Oh yes. :)

Minsc didn’t say anything. He was busy shoveling large gobs of curry down his throat, seemingly oblivious to any burning sensation. Oddly enough, Boo was digging in right next to him, only his furry little hamster bottom visible as he dove headfirst into a box of curry. Strange, Valygar thought. I never would have thought to see a hamster so eager for meat.


They are herbivores. A ranger should be particularly creeped out by this observation. :shock:


And he is right to be. Boo isn't your normal hamster.

“Er…hi there, everybody!” the gnome chirped. “Er…having a nice lunch, are we?”


Ah. Jan, the usual bringer of Good News. ;)


;)

Jan shrugged helplessly. “Well Ano, I think you’d just better come along and see for yourself, or I’d be put in the same situation as my uncle Cindy when he was caught by his wife, dancing in her best underwear with his hair died pink. Sometimes it’s best not to say anything at all, and you know I’m a quiet and reticent gnome who doesn’t like to just let his mouth run aimlessly when he can’t contribute anything meaningful to the conversation or when his charming anecdotes fail to amuse his audience.”


Basically, the translation is like this: the news I bring are so dire that I don’t even dare to talk about them, fearing your predictably violent reaction. :D


That's pretty much it, yes. :D


Valygar went along, following the others down yet another long corridor, this one a uniform ocean gray.


Lovely reference. So he can tell apart the ocean gray from the military gray. How… useful. :D


Glad you recognized it! :D


“I forgot. It’s been quite some time in deep space, doing nothing but playing solitaire and Minesweeper with myself to make the time pass. That can crack anybody, you know. Forget my own name next.”


Ah, the famous IQ of 6,000, wasn’t it? :roll:


Indeed. Or 6. ;)


Valygar was the first to open the door. Then, he stood on the threshold, staring silently. Somewhere behind him, he could hear somebody being violently sick. From the curses intermingled with the retching, he thought it was Edwin.


Poor baby. ;)


*cuddles Edwin*


Next: Valygar has a shocking revelation.


Other than that he just ate lots of halfling vindaloo? You know, I start to get the feeling that character torture has become pretty much the sole leading motif in this story. :?


Oh, but it's so much fun! :D And I don't want my characters to get fat, lazy and complacent, they need misery to keep them fit for fight. ;)
Rogues do it from behind.

#6 Guest_Glittering_*

Posted 24 September 2005 - 01:20 PM

Can you please update your Reshuffled website?

#7 Laufey

Posted 24 September 2005 - 03:28 PM

Yes.
Rogues do it from behind.

#8 Guest_Melle_*

Posted 24 September 2005 - 04:14 PM

And then what? Assuming he survived the meeting with his ancestor, then what would he do? He didn’t know. Go back to Imnesvale, perhaps. Finally some peace and quiet, and absolutely no magic. Yes, that sounds about right.


And become a hermit for the rest of his life, I supsect. :twisted:

One of them just had time to turn around and fire an arrow in Valygar’s direction. The ranger blinked, knowing he wouldn’t have time to duck…he felt a cold chill down his spine and a crackling sensation inside his head…and the halfling was gone, engulfed in Edwin’s fireball and leaving only a pile of soot behind.


Something's strange here...

“It doesn’t say,” Anomen replied, as he examined the metal boxes that were giving off the tempting smells. “All it says is ‘mild’, ‘hot’, ‘extra hot’, ‘xxx’ and ‘vindaloo’. What is a ‘vindaloo’, I wonder?”

“Well, of course you wouldn’t know that, you ignorant simian!” Edwin scoffed. “Blissfully unaware of higher magic as you are, you wouldn’t have heard of the great Demon Lord Vindaloo, the master of heartburn! (One day I will conjure him myself…one day…)”


Heh. But why one would want to summon the lord of heartburn...

“I detect no trace of any undead activity within,” Anomen helpfully added.


He cast Detect Undead on the curry? Some people are just paranoid. ;)

“My penetrative skills leave nothing to be desired, priest,” Edwin sneered. “Unlike you I wasn’t drooling over those idiotic knights we encountered earlier. The scruffy one seemed to catch your eye especially.”

“He…I…I did not drool! You will take that slur back at once or…”


Methinks he doth protest too much. :shock:

Oddly enough, Boo was digging in right next to him, only his furry little hamster bottom visible as he dove headfirst into a box of curry. Strange, Valygar thought. I never would have thought to see a hamster so eager for meat.


Boo is some strange people-eating... thing? I hope it's really disturbing, whatever it is.

“Er…hi there, everybody!” the gnome chirped. “Er…having a nice lunch, are we?”


Someone scouted just a bit too much. :shock:

Valygar went along, following the others down yet another long corridor, this one a uniform ocean gray. As he walked, he became aware of an itch along his sternum, and noticed a tear in the leather of his armor there. As he dug his fingers into it, he touched something cold and hard, and just managed to dig it out. An arrowhead? So that halfing had managed to fire his bow after all, and had even managed to hit him. It had clearly managed to pierce his armor. Then why didn’t it harm me? I didn’t feel a thing.


I'm sure the mystery will be revealed in just a few more... weeks. Argh!

There was silence. “Er…Hal? No, no, that’s not right…I don’t think. Anybody named Dave here?”


Not anymore. :)

Still smiling, they’re still smiling, and they look almost happy…halflings…happy halflings…

On the floor, there were more metal boxes. These ones weren’t empty.


I can hardly think of better things to do with excessively cheery halflings than to slaughter and eat them. ;)

#9 Laufey

Posted 24 September 2005 - 07:12 PM

[quote][quote]
And then what? Assuming he survived the meeting with his ancestor, then what would he do? He didn’t know. Go back to Imnesvale, perhaps. Finally some peace and quiet, and absolutely no magic. Yes, that sounds about right.
[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
And become a hermit for the rest of his life, I supsect. :twisted:
[/quote]

That's pretty much it, yes. :)

[quote]
[quote]
One of them just had time to turn around and fire an arrow in Valygar’s direction. The ranger blinked, knowing he wouldn’t have time to duck…he felt a cold chill down his spine and a crackling sensation inside his head…and the halfling was gone, engulfed in Edwin’s fireball and leaving only a pile of soot behind.
[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Something's strange here...
[/quote]

Good call!


[quote]
[quote]
“I detect no trace of any undead activity within,” Anomen helpfully added.
[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
He cast Detect Undead on the curry? Some people are just paranoid. ;)
[/quote]

With some reason, though. ;)

[quote]
[quote]
“My penetrative skills leave nothing to be desired, priest,” Edwin sneered. “Unlike you I wasn’t drooling over those idiotic knights we encountered earlier. The scruffy one seemed to catch your eye especially.”
[/quote]

[quote]
“He…I…I did not drool! You will take that slur back at once or…”
[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Methinks he doth protest too much. :shock:
[/quote]

Nah, I think Ano has somebody else in mind. :)

[quote]
[quote]
Oddly enough, Boo was digging in right next to him, only his furry little hamster bottom visible as he dove headfirst into a box of curry. Strange, Valygar thought. I never would have thought to see a hamster so eager for meat.
[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Boo is some strange people-eating... thing? I hope it's really disturbing, whatever it is.
[/quote]

You'll find out, but not for a *long* while.


[quote]
[quote]
Valygar went along, following the others down yet another long corridor, this one a uniform ocean gray. As he walked, he became aware of an itch along his sternum, and noticed a tear in the leather of his armor there. As he dug his fingers into it, he touched something cold and hard, and just managed to dig it out. An arrowhead? So that halfing had managed to fire his bow after all, and had even managed to hit him. It had clearly managed to pierce his armor. Then why didn’t it harm me? I didn’t feel a thing.
[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
I'm sure the mystery will be revealed in just a few more... weeks. Argh!
[/quote]

Fairly soon, I promise. :)

[quote]
On the floor, there were more metal boxes. These ones weren’t empty.
[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
I can hardly think of better things to do with excessively cheery halflings than to slaughter and eat them. :shock:[/quote]

Poppy: Hey! *prepares crossbow*
Rogues do it from behind.

#10 Guest_Kendris_*

Posted 25 September 2005 - 01:02 PM

“All it says is ‘mild’, ‘hot’, ‘extra hot’, ‘xxx’ and ‘vindaloo’. What is a ‘vindaloo’, I wonder?”


Vindaloo = cannibal halfling for "holy @!$%^@ shit, that's HOT!"

It was really very simple, the idea was that you could eat as much as you liked of whatever you liked


MY kind of diet!

Well, nobody ever actually lost weight from it, but hey, it’s not as if cousin Martha said they would.


Details, details....

“And what is your name?” Anomen asked, and his voice sounded quite strained.

There was silence. “Er…Hal? No, no, that’s not right…I don’t think. Anybody named Dave here?”

“No,” Jaheira patiently said. “There is nobody named ‘Dave’ here.”

“Good for him, it’s a bad luck name. Then I guess I’m probably not Hal…I’m very sorry about having to do this, Dave.”

“There is no Dave here! I’m not Dave! They’re not Dave! There is no Dave!”

“Oh, I know that.” There was a quite chuckle. “Just pulling your leg. What a wheeze, eh?”


:twisted: Smartass golems...just what every party needs to deal with...

This second door led to a storage room. It was quite cold, with ice forming on the walls. On the walls there were hooks. On the hooks there were…

Still smiling, they’re still smiling, and they look almost happy…halflings…happy halflings…

On the floor, there were more metal boxes. These ones weren’t empty.

And I had a second helping too.



And let me guess...they tasted just like chicken....

#11 Laufey

Posted 25 September 2005 - 08:25 PM

[quote][quote]“All it says is ‘mild’, ‘hot’, ‘extra hot’, ‘xxx’ and ‘vindaloo’. What is a ‘vindaloo’, I wonder?” [/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Vindaloo = cannibal halfling for "holy @!$%^@ shit, that's HOT!"
[/quote]

And yummy. Don't forget yummy. ;)

[quote]
[quote]It was really very simple, the idea was that you could eat as much as you liked of whatever you liked[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
MY kind of diet!
[/quote]

Oh, me too...shame it doesn't work.


[quote]
“There is no Dave here! I’m not Dave! They’re not Dave! There is no Dave!”
[/quote]

[quote]
“Oh, I know that.” There was a quite chuckle. “Just pulling your leg. What a wheeze, eh?” [/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
:twisted: Smartass golems...just what every party needs to deal with...
[/quote]

And it won't get better. :shock:

[quote]
And I had a second helping too.[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
And let me guess...they tasted just like chicken....[/quote]

Making it Chicken Vindaloo, of course. :shock:
Rogues do it from behind.

#12 Guest_AlphaMonkey_*

Posted 26 September 2005 - 04:54 AM

Valygar was walking grimly ahead, following the rest of the party along a dull military gray corridor, trying to forget all about the insane conversation he had just been subjected to.


Raven: "I've gotten kinda used to 'gunmetal gray.' I really don't see why people have such a hard time with it."

Harlequin: "Me neither." (Yawns) "How long we been walking down this hall?"

Raven: (Yawns) "About two minutes? Why?"

Harlequin: "Getting kinda sleepy."

Raven: "Funny. Me too."

“And even better,” Jan said as he examined the still smoking halfling bodies, “It heated up these boxes they were carrying quite nicely. Smells yummy, doesn’t it??”


And here I thought they were carrying "Bento" style Japanese box-lunches. :shock:

“Ah, but surely not before we have a little taste ourselves?” Edwin said. “While I doubt it can compare to Thayvian cuisine, it does seem as if these halflings have at least a rudimentary grasp on the use of spices.”


I'm a wuss... I need my food a little blander. I've had Indian food plenty of times, but I've always needed a lot of water and bread in order to not die from the burn. Then there was that time my friends had me tried wasabi covered peanuts. That had to be like the worst thing I've ever eaten in my life.

Then why didn’t it harm me? I didn’t feel a thing.


Ummmmmm... because hollowpoint rounds are useless against kevlar? Eh heh heh...

(Shrugs) :shock:

I forgot. It’s been quite some time in deep space, doing nothing but playing solitaire and Minesweeper with myself to make the time pass.


Freecell. That's an evil game. I've struggled with an on-again/off-again Freecell addiction for some time now.

“So…” Zaerini said in a kind of bright and brittle voice as she leaned against the doorpost. “Maybe, now that I think about it, some dried nuts wouldn’t have been so bad after all.”


Eh, it's probably not as bad as...

Joe Swanson: "We've... we've been stuck on this raft for weeks... I'm starving... hey... what's that?"

Peter Griffin: "What's what?"

Cleveland Brown: "You're -eating- something..."

Peter Griffin: "No, I'm not..."

Joe Swanson: "You've got food?! What is it? Gimme!"

Peter Griffin: "Uh, Joe, maybe you better not-"

(Joe pulls something free from Peter's hands and finds himself holding the stump of his leg)

Joe Swanson: "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" (Pulls on his other leg, it's also missing below the knee.) "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

Peter Griffin: "See, this is why I didn't tell you, I knew you'd act like this."

Joe Swanson: "Peter, you've been EATING ME!"

:twisted:

#13 Weyoun

Posted 26 September 2005 - 11:33 AM

Disclaimer: We're being nasssty and tasssteless again, Precious!


Nasty orcsusssss. ;)

Cards Reshuffled 267 – Halfling Vindaloo


Yum!

“DEATH! DEATH! DEEEEAAAAATH!”


Uhhh... This halfling wouldn't have a beard and his name wouldn't begin with a Th, right?

All of the halflings wielded sharp spears taller than themselves, and as soon as they had spotted the adventurers, they lowered them, preparing to attack.


This is all looking oddly familiar. :)

“And even better,” Jan said as he examined the still smoking halfling bodies, “It heated up these boxes they were carrying quite nicely. Smells yummy, doesn’t it??”


Oh, great, this party'll be farting up a storm for days. ;)

“It doesn’t say,” Anomen replied, as he examined the metal boxes that were giving off the tempting smells. “All it says is ‘mild’, ‘hot’, ‘extra hot’, ‘xxx’ and ‘vindaloo’. What is a ‘vindaloo’, I wonder?”


Laska : Oooh! I want xxx!

Weyoun : *looks at Laska intently and shakes his head*

Laska : *grumbles*

“If this food is demonic in origin then we definitely shouldn’t eat it,” Jaheira said. “We have some perfectly good rations with us. Dried bread, dried cheese, dried fish, dried meat, even some dried nuts if you want dessert.” Deep and reproachful silence met her, and she looked annoyed. “What?”


*shoots Jaheira* :twisted:

“But it smells so good…” Zaerini said, smiling appealingly at the druid.


“I detect no trace of any undead activity within,” Anomen helpfully added.


:shock:

More halflings did appear, and this bunch had a couple of mages along. The battle was quite a bit nastier than the first one, with the halfling mages casting several unpleasant explosive and paralyzing spells. “Such a shame they didn’t bring their spellbooks along,” Edwin complained as Jaheira was patching him up after the battle was won. “I would have liked to examine them.”


“Admitting there are nefarious magics you have not yet penetrated?” Anomen dryly said. “You are slipping, wizard.”


“My penetrative skills leave nothing to be desired, priest,” Edwin sneered. “Unlike you I wasn’t drooling over those idiotic knights we encountered earlier. The scruffy one seemed to catch your eye especially.”


Maybe I've got double-entendre disease from the ASW story, but I keep seeing puns everywhere. :shock:

Jaheira shook her head, and as the sole person present helped herself to a portion of dried bread, dried cheese and dried nuts. “Thank you, no,” she said. “I prefer not to have my sinuses scorched from within as I eat.”


Enjoy your dry stuff, then. :)

“Very…spicy.” Anomen said, clearing his throat. “Good, though.”


Minsc didn’t say anything. He was busy shoveling large gobs of curry down his throat, seemingly oblivious to any burning sensation. Oddly enough, Boo was digging in right next to him, only his furry little hamster bottom visible as he dove headfirst into a box of curry. Strange, Valygar thought. I never would have thought to see a hamster so eager for meat.


That's because he's an EEEEVVVVILLLLLL hamster. :)

“I forgot. It’s been quite some time in deep space, doing nothing but playing solitaire and Minesweeper with myself to make the time pass. That can crack anybody, you know. Forget my own name next.”


“And what is your name?” Anomen asked, and his voice sounded quite strained.


There was silence. “Er…Hal? No, no, that’s not right…I don’t think. Anybody named Dave here?”


Try Hol. :)

This second door led to a storage room. It was quite cold, with ice forming on the walls. On the walls there were hooks. On the hooks there were…


Still smiling, they’re still smiling, and they look almost happy…halflings…happy halflings…


On the floor, there were more metal boxes. These ones weren’t empty.


WHuahahahahah! :D

And I had a second helping too.


“So…” Zaerini said in a kind of bright and brittle voice as she leaned against the doorpost. “Maybe, now that I think about it, some dried nuts wouldn’t have been so bad after all.”



Next: Valygar has a shocking revelation.


Even more shocking than this one? Hehehehehe, I can't wait. :)
TnT Enhanced Edition: http://www.fanfictio...rds-and-Tempers

---
Sith Warrior - Master, I can sense your anger.

Darth Baras - A blind, comotose lobotomy-patient could sense my anger!

---

"The New Age? It's just the old age stuck in a microwave oven for fifteen seconds" - James Randi

#14 Laufey

Posted 26 September 2005 - 04:03 PM

Disclaimer: We're being nasssty and tasssteless again, Precious!


Nasty orcsusssss. ;)


And hobbitsesss! ;)



“DEATH! DEATH! DEEEEAAAAATH!”


Uhhh... This halfling wouldn't have a beard and his name wouldn't begin with a Th, right?


I don't know, he didn't want to introduce himself. :D Btw, I *really* love that scene. One of my favorites in ROTK.


All of the halflings wielded sharp spears taller than themselves, and as soon as they had spotted the adventurers, they lowered them, preparing to attack.


This is all looking oddly familiar. :D


But no Gandalf around. ;)



“It doesn’t say,” Anomen replied, as he examined the metal boxes that were giving off the tempting smells. “All it says is ‘mild’, ‘hot’, ‘extra hot’, ‘xxx’ and ‘vindaloo’. What is a ‘vindaloo’, I wonder?”


Laska : Oooh! I want xxx!


Weyoun : *looks at Laska intently and shakes his head*


Laska : *grumbles*


Rini: Trust me, sis, you *really* don't want this.


“If this food is demonic in origin then we definitely shouldn’t eat it,” Jaheira said. “We have some perfectly good rations with us. Dried bread, dried cheese, dried fish, dried meat, even some dried nuts if you want dessert.” Deep and reproachful silence met her, and she looked annoyed. “What?”


*shoots Jaheira* :twisted:


Your reaction is opposite Theo's - but I rather expected that. ;)



“Admitting there are nefarious magics you have not yet penetrated?” Anomen dryly said. “You are slipping, wizard.”



“My penetrative skills leave nothing to be desired, priest,” Edwin sneered. “Unlike you I wasn’t drooling over those idiotic knights we encountered earlier. The scruffy one seemed to catch your eye especially.”


Maybe I've got double-entendre disease from the ASW story, but I keep seeing puns everywhere. ;)


LOL! I don't *think* I intended any double entendre there, but it's been a while since I wrote it so I don't remember for sure.



Minsc didn’t say anything. He was busy shoveling large gobs of curry down his throat, seemingly oblivious to any burning sensation. Oddly enough, Boo was digging in right next to him, only his furry little hamster bottom visible as he dove headfirst into a box of curry. Strange, Valygar thought. I never would have thought to see a hamster so eager for meat.


That's because he's an EEEEVVVVILLLLLL hamster. :D


;) ;) ;)



Still smiling, they’re still smiling, and they look almost happy…halflings…happy halflings…



On the floor, there were more metal boxes. These ones weren’t empty.


WHuahahahahah! :D


I'm just mean. ;)



Next: Valygar has a shocking revelation.


Even more shocking than this one? Hehehehehe, I can't wait. :D


Even more shocking than this one, if less gross. ;)
Rogues do it from behind.

#15 Guest_Lord E_*

Posted 27 September 2005 - 02:50 PM

I'm a terrible commenter nowadays... ;) But at least I read everything, eventually.

Disclaimer: We're being nasssty and tasssteless again, Precious!


Sounds promising...

Valygar was walking grimly ahead, following the rest of the party along a dull military gray corridor, trying to forget all about the insane conversation he had just been subjected to.


Somehow, sounds like a guy who is trying to empty an ocean with a mug...


The roar came from at least a dozen throats, and it sounder rather high and piping. The reason for this became apparent as the party turned the next corner and came face to face with a troupe of halflings. If it was anything they didn’t fit, it was the stereotype of halflings as ‘jolly’. These particular halflings had their teeth filed to sharp points, their faces were painted with red and blue warpaint, and they had nasty-looking bone necklaces hanging around their throats. As Valygar took a closer look, he saw that the round and hairy objects dangling from the leader’s belt were, in fact, shrunken heads. All of the halflings wielded sharp spears taller than themselves, and as soon as they had spotted the adventurers, they lowered them, preparing to attack.


Maybe it's just me, but 'stereotype' sounds a bit out of place.
Nassssty halflings I approve of though :twisted:

“It doesn’t say,” Anomen replied, as he examined the metal boxes that were giving off the tempting smells. “All it says is ‘mild’, ‘hot’, ‘extra hot’, ‘xxx’ and ‘vindaloo’. What is a ‘vindaloo’, I wonder?”


Mmmm, vindaloo...

“If this food is demonic in origin then we definitely shouldn’t eat it,” Jaheira said. “We have some perfectly good rations with us. Dried bread, dried cheese, dried fish, dried meat, even some dried nuts if you want dessert.” Deep and reproachful silence met her, and she looked annoyed. “What?”


Eeeeeee. She is so... Jaheira ;)

“I detect no trace of any undead activity within,” Anomen helpfully added.


That. Is really. Disturbing. Thanks a lot ;) ;)

“Well, nobody ever actually lost weight from it, but hey, it’s not as if cousin Martha said they would. I say it was a miscarriage of justice, and that turnip containing a file that was smuggled into her cell had absolutely nothing to do with me.”


Heh, that's generally the problem with that sort of diet.

“My penetrative skills leave nothing to be desired, priest,” Edwin sneered.


Those two still don't get tired of that bickering.



Minsc didn’t say anything. He was busy shoveling large gobs of curry down his throat, seemingly oblivious to any burning sensation. Oddly enough, Boo was digging in right next to him, only his furry little hamster bottom visible as he dove headfirst into a box of curry. Strange, Valygar thought. I never would have thought to see a hamster so eager for meat.


Eeeek! I wonder what Boo will turn out to be.

“We are,” Zaerini replied. “Oh, and we’ve saved some for you, one of those boxes with the green wobbly bits in, and another one with long yellowish things. They both taste great.”


EWWWWWW



Still smiling, they’re still smiling, and they look almost happy…halflings…happy halflings…


On the floor, there were more metal boxes. These ones weren’t empty.


And I had a second helping too.


“So…” Zaerini said in a kind of bright and brittle voice as she leaned against the doorpost. “Maybe, now that I think about it, some dried nuts wouldn’t have been so bad after all.”



Eeeeegh! That was *really* disturbing ;) You always make my day.

#16 Laufey

Posted 27 September 2005 - 04:49 PM

I'm a terrible commenter nowadays... ;) But at least I read everything, eventually.


Gah, I know the feeling...I've been terribly busy at work lately, and pretty exhausted when I get home.


Valygar was walking grimly ahead, following the rest of the party along a dull military gray corridor, trying to forget all about the insane conversation he had just been subjected to.


Somehow, sounds like a guy who is trying to empty an ocean with a mug...


Poor Val. ;)


The roar came from at least a dozen throats, and it sounder rather high and piping. The reason for this became apparent as the party turned the next corner and came face to face with a troupe of halflings. If it was anything they didn’t fit, it was the stereotype of halflings as ‘jolly’. These particular halflings had their teeth filed to sharp points, their faces were painted with red and blue warpaint, and they had nasty-looking bone necklaces hanging around their throats. As Valygar took a closer look, he saw that the round and hairy objects dangling from the leader’s belt were, in fact, shrunken heads. All of the halflings wielded sharp spears taller than themselves, and as soon as they had spotted the adventurers, they lowered them, preparing to attack.


Maybe it's just me, but 'stereotype' sounds a bit out of place.
Nassssty halflings I approve of though :twisted:


Hm...does the word sound too modern? Perhaps I should change it to something like 'the common idea of halflings'.


“It doesn’t say,” Anomen replied, as he examined the metal boxes that were giving off the tempting smells. “All it says is ‘mild’, ‘hot’, ‘extra hot’, ‘xxx’ and ‘vindaloo’. What is a ‘vindaloo’, I wonder?”


Mmmm, vindaloo...


Yummy! ;)


“If this food is demonic in origin then we definitely shouldn’t eat it,” Jaheira said. “We have some perfectly good rations with us. Dried bread, dried cheese, dried fish, dried meat, even some dried nuts if you want dessert.” Deep and reproachful silence met her, and she looked annoyed. “What?”


Eeeeeee. She is so... Jaheira ;)


Thanks. ;)


“I detect no trace of any undead activity within,” Anomen helpfully added.


That. Is really. Disturbing. Thanks a lot ;) :D


Welcome. ;)


“My penetrative skills leave nothing to be desired, priest,” Edwin sneered.


Those two still don't get tired of that bickering.


They both secretly adore it, I'm sure!


Minsc didn’t say anything. He was busy shoveling large gobs of curry down his throat, seemingly oblivious to any burning sensation. Oddly enough, Boo was digging in right next to him, only his furry little hamster bottom visible as he dove headfirst into a box of curry. Strange, Valygar thought. I never would have thought to see a hamster so eager for meat.


Eeeek! I wonder what Boo will turn out to be.


I think you'll enjoy it. ;)


“We are,” Zaerini replied. “Oh, and we’ve saved some for you, one of those boxes with the green wobbly bits in, and another one with long yellowish things. They both taste great.”


EWWWWWW


Well, that *is* pretty much what it looks like, even when it's not halfling bits.


“So…” Zaerini said in a kind of bright and brittle voice as she leaned against the doorpost. “Maybe, now that I think about it, some dried nuts wouldn’t have been so bad after all.”




Eeeeegh! That was *really* disturbing ;) You always make my day.


Happy to hear it. ;)
Rogues do it from behind.

#17 Laufey

Posted 27 September 2005 - 04:52 PM

Valygar was walking grimly ahead, following the rest of the party along a dull military gray corridor, trying to forget all about the insane conversation he had just been subjected to.


Raven: "I've gotten kinda used to 'gunmetal gray.' I really don't see why people have such a hard time with it."


Harlequin: "Me neither." (Yawns) "How long we been walking down this hall?"


Raven: (Yawns) "About two minutes? Why?"


Harlequin: "Getting kinda sleepy."


Raven: "Funny. Me too."


Can't imagine why. ;)


“Ah, but surely not before we have a little taste ourselves?” Edwin said. “While I doubt it can compare to Thayvian cuisine, it does seem as if these halflings have at least a rudimentary grasp on the use of spices.”


I'm a wuss... I need my food a little blander. I've had Indian food plenty of times, but I've always needed a lot of water and bread in order to not die from the burn. Then there was that time my friends had me tried wasabi covered peanuts. That had to be like the worst thing I've ever eaten in my life.


I *love* spicy food, be it Indian or Thai. Actually, when I was a kid I developed a theory that it burns less if you don't drink. So I went to an Indian restaurant and had a Chicken Vindaloo without drinking a drop of water. More and more waiters kept circling the table, looking very impressed - or possibly horrified. ;)

Then why didn’t it harm me? I didn’t feel a thing.


Ummmmmm... because hollowpoint rounds are useless against kevlar? Eh heh heh...


(Shrugs) ;)


Right. ;)

I forgot. It’s been quite some time in deep space, doing nothing but playing solitaire and Minesweeper with myself to make the time pass.


Freecell. That's an evil game. I've struggled with an on-again/off-again Freecell addiction for some time now.


I don't think I've tried that one, but I had a Minesweeper addiction once upon a time. It wasn't pretty at all.



Joe Swanson: "Peter, you've been EATING ME!"


:twisted:


Lovely! ;)
Rogues do it from behind.

#18 Guest_Userunfriendly_*

Posted 27 September 2005 - 11:41 PM

Disclaimer: We're being nasssty and tasssteless again, Precious!


sorry....been brainstorming for the spellhold studio's cameo mod... :wink: I need to catch up with commenting!!! darn it...

No matter if you’re adventuring in Maztica or Chult, in the Abyss or Elysium, remember this one thing. There’s no such thing as a free lunch.


Tanstaafl! (Heinlein reference...) :twisted: ("Moon is a Harsh Mistress", means "there aint no such thing as a free lunch")

The roar came from at least a dozen throats, and it sounder rather high and piping. The reason for this became apparent as the party turned the next corner and came face to face with a troupe of halflings. If it was anything they didn’t fit, it was the stereotype of halflings as ‘jolly’. These particular halflings had their teeth filed to sharp points, their faces were painted with red and blue warpaint, and they had nasty-looking bone necklaces hanging around their throats. As Valygar took a closer look, he saw that the round and hairy objects dangling from the leader’s belt were, in fact, shrunken heads. All of the halflings wielded sharp spears taller than themselves, and as soon as they had spotted the adventurers, they lowered them, preparing to attack.


halflings: yes, fear us...we are the cut extras from the cannibal scene edited out of "Lost" and we will have our revenge!!!

There was a ripple in the air around Zaerini, the light bent around her and her appearance changed. Suddenly, her head looked like that of a red dragon, with glittering scales and wicked orange eyes. She breathed out, and flames shot out towards the startled halflings, making them shy back. This distraction was enough, for it had bought the rest of the party the time they needed. Jan sent bouncing lightning from one halfling to the next, even as the fireball Edwin sent flying after them incinerated the rest. One of them just had time to turn around and fire an arrow in Valygar’s direction. The ranger blinked, knowing he wouldn’t have time to duck…he felt a cold chill down his spine and a crackling sensation inside his head…and the halfling was gone, engulfed in Edwin’s fireball and leaving only a pile of soot behind.


that illusion ability is so cool...

“Yuck, burning halfling,” Zaerini said, wrinkling her nose. The illusion had dissipated, and she once more looked like herself. “Well done though, hopefully that will keep them from messing with us again.”


smell familiar?

“I’m with you there, Red,” Jan said. “I’m getting a bit peckish myself. Think they got any turnip curry?”


:) :D :D

“It doesn’t say,” Anomen replied, as he examined the metal boxes that were giving off the tempting smells. “All it says is ‘mild’, ‘hot’, ‘extra hot’, ‘xxx’ and ‘vindaloo’. What is a ‘vindaloo’, I wonder?”


vindaloo for me please...(i can down shots of tobasco sauce...I order five star thai food)

“Well, of course you wouldn’t know that, you ignorant simian!” Edwin scoffed. “Blissfully unaware of higher magic as you are, you wouldn’t have heard of the great Demon Lord Vindaloo, the master of heartburn! (One day I will conjure him myself…one day…)”


:twisted: :roll: ;)

“Well, nobody ever actually lost weight from it, but hey, it’s not as if cousin Martha said they would. I say it was a miscarriage of justice, and that turnip containing a file that was smuggled into her cell had absolutely nothing to do with me.”


;) :) :)

The two men subsided into sulky silence, both of them practically pouting. They did eat the curry though, and although Anomen’s eyes were tearing, and Edwin’s face was quite red, they both wanted seconds. “It isn’t totally inadequate,” the Red Wizard grudgingly admitted. “You should try some, my Hellkitten, this red variant is especially tasty.” He held out a carefully selected morsel to his lover, who grinned and opened her mouth, letting him feed her.


thai red curry...with extra basil and coconut milk...over jasmine rice...brown jasmine rice...oh god, i am so hungry...i'm going to go to thai kitchen tomorrow... :roll:

Minsc didn’t say anything. He was busy shoveling large gobs of curry down his throat, seemingly oblivious to any burning sensation. Oddly enough, Boo was digging in right next to him, only his furry little hamster bottom visible as he dove headfirst into a box of curry. Strange, Valygar thought. I never would have thought to see a hamster so eager for meat.


vegetarian curry...yum...yum... :lol:

Jan shrugged helplessly. “Well Ano, I think you’d just better come along and see for yourself, or I’d be put in the same situation as my uncle Cindy when he was caught by his wife, dancing in her best underwear with his hair died pink. Sometimes it’s best not to say anything at all, and you know I’m a quiet and reticent gnome who doesn’t like to just let his mouth run aimlessly when he can’t contribute anything meaningful to the conversation or when his charming anecdotes fail to amuse his audience.”


:wink: :wink: :wink: that sounds scary, coming out of the mouth of jan... :D

Valygar went along, following the others down yet another long corridor, this one a uniform ocean gray. As he walked, he became aware of an itch along his sternum, and noticed a tear in the leather of his armor there. As he dug his fingers into it, he touched something cold and hard, and just managed to dig it out. An arrowhead? So that halfing had managed to fire his bow after all, and had even managed to hit him. It had clearly managed to pierce his armor. Then why didn’t it harm me? I didn’t feel a thing.


:roll:

“Good for him, it’s a bad luck name. Then I guess I’m probably not Hal…I’m very sorry about having to do this, Dave.”


:lol:

Still smiling, they’re still smiling, and they look almost happy…halflings…happy halflings…


:P :D :D

Next: Valygar has a shocking revelation.


yay!!! :D :D :oops:

#19 Laufey

Posted 28 September 2005 - 04:18 AM

Disclaimer: We're being nasssty and tasssteless again, Precious!


sorry....been brainstorming for the spellhold studio's cameo mod... ;) I need to catch up with commenting!!! darn it...


Cameo mod, eh? Link please?



The roar came from at least a dozen throats, and it sounder rather high and piping. The reason for this became apparent as the party turned the next corner and came face to face with a troupe of halflings. If it was anything they didn’t fit, it was the stereotype of halflings as ‘jolly’. These particular halflings had their teeth filed to sharp points, their faces were painted with red and blue warpaint, and they had nasty-looking bone necklaces hanging around their throats. As Valygar took a closer look, he saw that the round and hairy objects dangling from the leader’s belt were, in fact, shrunken heads. All of the halflings wielded sharp spears taller than themselves, and as soon as they had spotted the adventurers, they lowered them, preparing to attack.


halflings: yes, fear us...we are the cut extras from the cannibal scene edited out of "Lost" and we will have our revenge!!!


I'm sure the actors of 'Lost' were only too happy to have them edited out. :D


There was a ripple in the air around Zaerini, the light bent around her and her appearance changed. Suddenly, her head looked like that of a red dragon, with glittering scales and wicked orange eyes. She breathed out, and flames shot out towards the startled halflings, making them shy back. This distraction was enough, for it had bought the rest of the party the time they needed. Jan sent bouncing lightning from one halfling to the next, even as the fireball Edwin sent flying after them incinerated the rest. One of them just had time to turn around and fire an arrow in Valygar’s direction. The ranger blinked, knowing he wouldn’t have time to duck…he felt a cold chill down his spine and a crackling sensation inside his head…and the halfling was gone, engulfed in Edwin’s fireball and leaving only a pile of soot behind.


that illusion ability is so cool...


It's useful, I have to be very careful not to use it too much, so she can't do this too often or for a very long time.


“It doesn’t say,” Anomen replied, as he examined the metal boxes that were giving off the tempting smells. “All it says is ‘mild’, ‘hot’, ‘extra hot’, ‘xxx’ and ‘vindaloo’. What is a ‘vindaloo’, I wonder?”


vindaloo for me please...(i can down shots of tobasco sauce...I order five star thai food)


I *love* Thai food. :D



The two men subsided into sulky silence, both of them practically pouting. They did eat the curry though, and although Anomen’s eyes were tearing, and Edwin’s face was quite red, they both wanted seconds. “It isn’t totally inadequate,” the Red Wizard grudgingly admitted. “You should try some, my Hellkitten, this red variant is especially tasty.” He held out a carefully selected morsel to his lover, who grinned and opened her mouth, letting him feed her.


thai red curry...with extra basil and coconut milk...over jasmine rice...brown jasmine rice...oh god, i am so hungry...i'm going to go to thai kitchen tomorrow... :D


Had some Thai myself yesterday. :D Yumm....



Jan shrugged helplessly. “Well Ano, I think you’d just better come along and see for yourself, or I’d be put in the same situation as my uncle Cindy when he was caught by his wife, dancing in her best underwear with his hair died pink. Sometimes it’s best not to say anything at all, and you know I’m a quiet and reticent gnome who doesn’t like to just let his mouth run aimlessly when he can’t contribute anything meaningful to the conversation or when his charming anecdotes fail to amuse his audience.”


:) :) :) that sounds scary, coming out of the mouth of jan... :twisted:


:D


Valygar went along, following the others down yet another long corridor, this one a uniform ocean gray. As he walked, he became aware of an itch along his sternum, and noticed a tear in the leather of his armor there. As he dug his fingers into it, he touched something cold and hard, and just managed to dig it out. An arrowhead? So that halfing had managed to fire his bow after all, and had even managed to hit him. It had clearly managed to pierce his armor. Then why didn’t it harm me? I didn’t feel a thing.


:D


You'll find out, and you won't even have to wait very long. :P



Next: Valygar has a shocking revelation.


yay!!! :twisted: :roll: ;)


More soon. :D
Rogues do it from behind.

#20 Guest_Kulyok_*

Posted 28 September 2005 - 07:42 AM

Disclaimer: We're being nasssty and tasssteless again, Precious!


Woohoo!

I did read your story this weekend, but now that I am trying to learn how to mod BG2, it is difficult to keep up. Hope I'll manage to balance Attic and gaming soon. ;)

No matter if you’re adventuring in Maztica or Chult, in the Abyss or Elysium, remember this one thing. There’s no such thing as a free lunch.


One of my favourite fantasy writers, Max Frei, has such thing in his universe. In the capital of the state he draws, the King pays for all hungry men. Nice. (sigh) But unrealistic.

Valygar was walking grimly ahead, following the rest of the party along a dull military gray corridor, trying to forget all about the insane conversation he had just been subjected to. Far, far better to concentrate on what lay ahead instead. Lavok. Lavok is close, and I’m going to kill him. And then…

And then what? Assuming he survived the meeting with his ancestor, then what would he do? He didn’t know. Go back to Imnesvale, perhaps. Finally some peace and quiet, and absolutely no magic. Yes, that sounds about right.


Aha, right. :roll: What about another journey to the Abyss? And some really mad magic?

“And even better,” Jan said as he examined the still smoking halfling bodies, “It heated up these boxes they were carrying quite nicely. Smells yummy, doesn’t it??”


Yay, free lunch!

...

Ah.

“It doesn’t say,” Anomen replied, as he examined the metal boxes that were giving off the tempting smells. “All it says is ‘mild’, ‘hot’, ‘extra hot’, ‘xxx’ and ‘vindaloo’. What is a ‘vindaloo’, I wonder?”


Porn lunch!

“If this food is demonic in origin then we definitely shouldn’t eat it,” Jaheira said. “We have some perfectly good rations with us. Dried bread, dried cheese, dried fish, dried meat, even some dried nuts if you want dessert.” Deep and reproachful silence met her, and she looked annoyed. “What?”


Dried everything... I bet she even has dry water with her. :twisted:

More halflings did appear, and this bunch had a couple of mages along. The battle was quite a bit nastier than the first one, with the halfling mages casting several unpleasant explosive and paralyzing spells. “Such a shame they didn’t bring their spellbooks along,” Edwin complained as Jaheira was patching him up after the battle was won. “I would have liked to examine them.”


By the way, how were they able to cast magic without a spellbook? Is it possible to memorize spells and simply leave it at home, so to say?

“My penetrative skills leave nothing to be desired, priest,” Edwin sneered. “Unlike you I wasn’t drooling over those idiotic knights we encountered earlier. The scruffy one seemed to catch your eye especially.”


:) :D :D Did he mean *those* penetrative skills?

Minsc didn’t say anything. He was busy shoveling large gobs of curry down his throat, seemingly oblivious to any burning sensation. Oddly enough, Boo was digging in right next to him, only his furry little hamster bottom visible as he dove headfirst into a box of curry. Strange, Valygar thought. I never would have thought to see a hamster so eager for meat.


Awww....

Hmm, perhaps Boo is a demonic hamster?

Jan shrugged helplessly. “Well Ano, I think you’d just better come along and see for yourself, or I’d be put in the same situation as my uncle Cindy when he was caught by his wife, dancing in her best underwear with his hair died pink. Sometimes it’s best not to say anything at all, and you know I’m a quiet and reticent gnome who doesn’t like to just let his mouth run aimlessly when he can’t contribute anything meaningful to the conversation or when his charming anecdotes fail to amuse his audience.”


"Well, Ano"?

And as he touched the door, that bored voice once again spoke from nowhere, the voice they had heard as they first entered the Sphere. “Now what?” it said. “Oh. It’s you again. Go away, only the golem’s allowed to open this door.”


For some strange reason, I am imagining Dekkie's voice. :twisted:

There was silence. “Er…Hal? No, no, that’s not right…I don’t think. Anybody named Dave here?”


Reminds me of Pratchett's "Rock music": "Constable... Cotton?" :)

Still smiling, they’re still smiling, and they look almost happy…halflings…happy halflings…

On the floor, there were more metal boxes. These ones weren’t empty.

And I had a second helping too.


*evil, evil grin* Niccce! ;)

Next: Valygar has a shocking revelation.


Soon? :)




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