Tnt 189 : Mission : Not a Bloody Chance.
Imoen liked that Viconia had decided to wear her nice suit today. That nice suede green leather tunic and black pants. And how her hair spilled across her shoulders when freed of that hood. Imoen herself had opted for her best pink jumpsuit.
On the table in their quarters at the Adventurer's Lodge was the main coarse of their lovely meal, and the candelabra in the middle was the only source of illumination in the dark of the evening. Viconia had insisted on covering up every single one of the elven woodcarvings in their room with a white cloth to, in her words, deal with the tackiness which was mucking up the romantic atmosphere.
Laska had outdone herself on this meal. On the table was a nice golden brown chicken, glazed in Laska's delectable mixture of paprika, garlic powder, onion powder, oregano, thyme, and peppers, and was laying in a bed of potato-slices, challots and turnip-sauce. The smell was indescribably mouthwatering.
"Oh, man," Imoen giggled. "Vic, you gotta have Laska deck you more often."
"I'd rather not," Viconia replied. "Although Laska has her fringe-benefits when she's groveling."
At that moment, the chef of the eve came in. Laska, still wearing her 'Kiss the Elf'-apron, came from the small kitchen in the next room, carrying a tray.
"Hope you're enjoying," Laska smiled. "More challots, Viconia?"
Viconia twiddled her thumbs a little. "Uh, ahum, a bit more... turnip-sauce, please."
"Will do," Laska smiled and poured some more turnip-sauce on Viconia's plate. "Your desserts are prepared and are chilled. You'll find them in the kitchen when you are done eating. I'll leave you two to your privacy, then."
"Thanks, sis!" Imoen said.
"Yes, thank you," Viconia replied as Laska put down her tray and started to untie her apron. "I'll leave you to your privacy then. And don't do anything I wouldn't do."
"Nah," Viconia shook her head as she thought of the right response to that comment. "Too easy..."
Imoen smiled as Laska closed the door behind her. "She's slightly more accepting of us, wouldn't you say?"
"She's grovelling," Viconia smirked.
"Still, it's nice to be out in the open," Imoen grinned. "No more secrecy, no more lies, no more worries about Laska catching us and blowing her top."
"And," Viconia said. "No more secret romantic affair, as is depicted in your insipid novels which you so like."
"Insipid," Imoen said. "Yes, I suppose they really are insipid and unrealistic, aren't they?"
Viconia smiled. "Finally... I'll make a cultured person out of you yet."
"Let's eat!" Imoen rammed the butt of her fork on the table. "Rubba-dub-dub, let's get down my gob this lovely grub!"
Viconia shook her head and started to carve the chicken.
---
"Blasted bloody, bleedin', effin' bloody, blasted, thrice-damned, scrawny, bastard-buggery elves!" Korgan roared. "Those effin' bloody... effin' bloody gormless, beardless asses!"
Keldorn looked over the rim of his reading glasses as he sat by the window in the lazy chair with a book on elven history. "Are you still on about our accommodations, sir dwarf?"
"Aye!" said Korgan as he surveyed the room. It was the same size as every room in the Lodge... except that this one happened to have five beds. "Bloody bleedin' elves. Oh, Laska got her own bloody bleedin' room. Now, I donnay blame 'er for takin' the time away from us loonies after takin' a tumble down a big tree, but those bloody elves could have extended us the same bloody courtesy."
"Minsc does not mind," said the hulking ranger. "Minsc and Boo are among good friends. And we can start a campfire and sing songs and roast marshmallows and then we can have a pillow-fight. Ah, life is good, isn't it Boo?"
"For the last time, Minsc," Dynaheir said. "I think our hosts will object if we start a fire inside a building, which is, in turn, inside a tree."
"Och," Korgan grinned. "At least when it be goin' wrong, it be goin' spectacularly wrong. HAR HAR! That be sometin' ta watch, no?"
"Oh, I don't know," Jan piped up as he lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling. "My uncle Pierce Jansen bunked up with his mates once. Of course, they couldn't have been more diverse. Uncle Pierce was the well-liked humorous guy, his friend BJ was the spunky side-kick. And then there was Frank, a dour ferret-faced gnome with a horribly attitude to boot. He was the dumb guy that nobody liked. And then there was Lenny, the fat stupid one, Poindexter the smourght-arse and Jessica, the blonde bimbo. So, all the candles go out in the middle of the night and Lenny goes to the cellar to get some more candles and promptly gets killed. Then, Poindexter heads into the yard to investigate a noise and gets thrown down the wall. And then Jessica takes a shower and gets stabbed to death. So Pierce, BJ and Frank run out of the house and jump into the nearest carriage, taking off like a bat out of hell. And what do they find when they finally stop their mad dash? Yes, it was a severed hook rammed into the back of the carriage. True story."
"Your point being?" Keldorn asked.
"My point is two-fold," said Jan. "First of all, check under each other's bed for homicidal one-armed griffins and, second, don't do anything stupid when you actually find one."
"OCH, I be so BORED!" Korgan roared. "Thar be no bars 'ere, thar be no fights 'ere! Thar be no nothin' 'ere! The only thing that be 'ere is elves! Stinkin' bloody elves everywhere ye be lookin'! And they nay be fun elves like Laska, but they be stick-up yer ass elves. If it nay be fer ta sparrin' sessions with Laska, I be dyin' of boredom 'ere! This dwarf needs ta be out on the bloody road, dammit! We be 'ere long enough!"
"I think it's time to go to bed then," said Keldorn and put away his book. "We're all tired. It'll be a new day tomorrow."
"Aye, aye... I suppose," Korgan said. "Maybe we can all go boozin' tomorrow, lads and lassies."
At that moment, a moon elf peeked his head into the room. "Greetings, good people," he said. "Is Laska in?"
"Probably up in her bloody private penthouse, where ye stuffed her in earlier," Korgan snorted. "What, ye be room-service? In that case, I be wantin' more of yer sissy-wine."
"No, no, I just have some dire news for her."
Korgan chose that moment to fart loudly. "Yes smell that, ye stinkin' elves?! That be the smell of angry dwarf in ta eve'! HAR HAR HAR!"
The elven messenger blinked for the moment. Then slinked back into the hallway.
---
A fuming Laska paced in circles of the foyer of Ellesime's partially ruined palace, waiting for that bitch-queen to arrive.
"Ah," said Ellesime as she finally slid down the stairs and entered the foyer. "The hero of Suldenesselar," she said with barely controlled spite. "Now, what was so urgent that would need to shove two of my personal guards into a watering trough?"
"Anadielle!" Laska snarled. "She wanted to have a simple funeral. She wanted to be buried in the forest. So what's this crap about an elaborate ceremony and 'traditional' cremation?!"
"My dear Laska," Ellesime smirked. "You are naive. Anadielle was a great elven hero, and a bladesinger. And, as a bladesinger, she understood like no other the sacrifices she should make to aid the People. She will help her beloved elven race once more, after receiving a burial ceremony which she deserves. She will be cremated and her ashes shall be used in the enchantments of magical items and potions that will aid others she has fought for. Is that not a noble cause?"
"You mean you want her ashes to help you," Laska spat. "You're all doing this for yourself, not for Anadielle."
"Let me spell it out for you," Ellesime narrowed her eyes. "Anadielle is dead. Her spirit now frolics in Arvandor and her body is nothing more than an empty shell. She doesn't care how her body is treated. Tomorrow's ceremony can return a lot of my lost prestige. A noble cause, like I said. It's better for all elves living in this city to have me in firm control."
"She asked me to bury her," Laska snarled as she stared Ellesime in the eyes. "What kind of elf would deny another elf her last wish?"
Now it was Ellesime's turn to stare Laska in the eye, with an intensity of hatred that made Laska take a step back. "What do you know about elves, hm?" she snorted. "Look at you. You're a child pretending to be an adult. Oh, you look like an elf, you have the build, the ears and... most of the insipid attitudes you share with your moon-elven brethren. But are you an elf?"
Laska blinked. "What the hell kind of question is that?"
"There is more to being an elf than being born an elf, dear Laska," Ellesime said. "Look at you, the fast-paced way you lived your life is evidence enough. You were raised by humans... you are damaged by them. Had you had the proper elven guidance your life and our outlook on life would have been so much different. You drink like a fish, you stumbled through your life with a pace that is staggering. You have no patience and your temper will one day be the death of you. You sleep. You can't even reverie, because you lack even the simplest of mental disciplines to allow you the peace of mind necessary for that. And you will never learn in the human world. Think of that, Laska. Think of the future. Already you must have seen signs that the world is changing around you, while you remain the same. Your friends will die and you will still be young. So many changes around you, combined with your own sense stagnation. Why, it tends to drive many elves that, like you, were raised by humans to the brink of suicidal insanity. Think upon my words later, as you become more and more self-destructive, when your fast-paced life burns out completely. Think upon that when you're lying on your back selling your body in a cheap, dirty tavern a century from now, Laska. Hero of Suldenesselar."
Laska was trembling, but still mustered a defiant look. She held her arms to the sides of her body while she clenched her fists so tightly her nails dug into her flesh. A few droplets of blood leaked from her palms.
"Thinking of acting on impulse?" Ellesime grinned. "To do so would only prove my point, dear Child of Bhaal."
Countering Laska's stricken look, Ellesime matched with a half-smile. "Oh, yes, I know. You might carry the name of a respected family, but you were born with dire impurities that you will never overcome. No, dear Laska," she grinned as she turned back towards the stairs. "You are not an elf. And you will never be an elf. I can only pity you."
Laska fought back tears as she watched Ellesime walk up the stairs, not willing to admit that Ellesime had hit a deep chord in Laska's being. She succeeded in fighting back the tears, but not her anger. When the queen was gone, Laska let out a cry and rammed her fist into the wall, slamming through the plaster.
She withdrew her hand and watched her bleeding knuckles, the blood of Bhaal... At that moment, she hated Ellesime more than anything in the world.
She had mental images of running after her, and killing her in various sadistic and painful ways. She fought the urges to do so, because... that would only prove Ellesime's point.
Just words. It's just words. She's talking bollocks. It's all a load of bloody bollocks! Laska told herself in an attempt to force herself to calm down. But she briefly wondered why these words hurt her more than any wound from the battlefield.
Still, she had to do something.
---
"Reynessa," Laska greeted the moon-elven bladesinger that stood outside of the temple where Anadielle's body was being kept.
"Greetings, young Laska," Reynessa replied. "Out for a late-night stroll?"
"I need to think," Laska said. "So, why are you dressed up in armor?"
"I'm standing vigil for Anadielle," Reynessa said. "Or at least until Ellesime burns her body," she said grimly.
"Can't you do something about it?"
"The council voted on it," Reynessa sighed. "All the moonies voted against it, but the Sylvans and the Goldies want to honor her this way. It's a local custom. I guess it's an honorable custom, but I would rather see Anadielle's last wish honored."
"It stinks," Laska said. "Ellesime is up to something, I just know it."
"I sense Ellesime has had a hand in this," she sighed. "At least the city is healing. Many Sylvans have opened their homes to the goldies that lost the roof over their heads after the attack. That alone has started the healing process. And the rumor is, and this is still officially a rumor until the council announces it ," Reynessa winked, "that we can start rebuilding at the end of week when the supplies from Evermeet arrive!"
"That's good news," Laska sighed. "I just wish we could do something about Anadielle."
"Hey," Reynessa grinned. "I know something that can get your mind off things. Follow me."
---
"Tell me why we're out here again?" Viconia sighed as she, Imoen and Khittix sat on the roof of the temple, dressed in black.
"Because Laska's really upset and we should help her," Imoen said. "Do you really think she wants to ram a barbecue-skewer through Ellesime's eye socket?"
"I would," Viconia snorted.
The three of them watched Laska chat with Reynessa. Their conversation turned into giggles and the two headed towards the guardhouse. Laska and Reynessa slipped inside and Viconia heard the bar behind the door drop into the slot. Reynessa then closed the shades.
"Well, that's the guard taken care of," smiled Imoen as she tied the harness around her body. "Let's do this while our desserts are still cold."
After tying the spidersilk rope that Khittix had generously provided to the harness, Imoen lowered herself through the skylight at the top of the temple, while Viconia, outfitted with a girdle of strength, gave the spidersilk-rope more slack.
"Wheee," giggled Imoen as he hung suspended above the altar where Anadielle's body lay in wake. The body was magically treated to remain fresh and was wrapped neatly in a series of white cloths so taking the body would not be all that hard.
"Is this really necessary?" Viconia whispered from above. "We could have simply entered from that large side-window that's directly next to the walkway!"
"Yeah, we could have," Imoen said. "But that wouldn't be as cool as this is!"
Viconia grumbled, gave Imoen more slack. Then, she instructed Khittix to place his hindquarters over the railing and hold himself steady. Khittix shot out a line of silk to Imoen, who used it to tie Anadielle's spellbook. Viconia quickly pulled up the book and placed it in the back of holding after disentangling it. Khittix shot out a second line, which Imoen took. The pink-haired mage tied both the hilts of Anadielle's swords to it and Viconia pulled it up. So far, so good.
"Okay," Imoen said as she tied the second spidersilk rope to her harness. "I'll tie this around her body, and then you pull up both of us."
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Viconia asked. "I could simply animate Anadielle's body and make her walk back to the lodge."
"Have you no respect for the dead?" Imoen scoffed. "Now be ready to hoist up this girl like there's no tomorrow!"
After tying the rope to the body, Imoen gave the thumbs up, giving Viconia the signal to hoist them both up. Viconia pulled up the both of them with ease, but the rope started to sway a little with each tug, until one of Anadielle's legs got stuck behind the bow of a statue of Sehanine.
"Crap," Imoen said. "She's stuck."
"Yes, I can feel that!"
"Well, do something!"
"We should have just gone through that window!"
"This is cooler!"
"Come to think of it, with the guards gone, we could have just went in through the front door!"
"This is cooler!"
Viconia instructed Khittix to skitter over to the other side. Khittix did so and shot a sticky silk line to Anadielle's body from the other side, hoping to dislodge her.
"That's it, now pull!" said Imoen.
Viconia and Khittix tugged with all their might, but disaster struck as Anadielle's leg suddenly dislodged. Viconia yanked on the rope so hard that she fell back and almost flew off the roof. Imoen and Anadielle were launched through the skylight and flew over the building, dragging Khittix behind them. The three of them ended up hanging from a nearby tree in one of the many parks the city had.
Imoen was picking leaves from her hair as Khittix scrambled to lower himself from the tree. Looking down, she saw Viconia smirking at her.
"Now," Viconia chuckled. "We wouldn't have had this much fun if we'd taken the front door or the window, hm?"
Imoen smiled. "Anadielle's last joke from beyond the grave," she said as she looked at the cloth covered body.
---
The next morning, many elves were gathered inside the temple while Ellesime was holding a speech honoring the fallen. Most of the attendees were moon elves, troops Anadielle had commanded. But also there were plenty of sylvan and gold elven commanders and soldiers that had served with her in the war against Ust Natha. Laska and Imoen, as close friends of Anadielle, were given seats in the front bench.
Laska had to reluctantly admit that it was a lovely service. All of Anadielle's companions were there showing how much she was loved in life. Her body had been lain on an altar surrounded by many bouquets of fresh flowers and woodcarvings blessed by Sehanine Moonbow.
The downside was the speech. Ellesime spoke of honor, of sacrifice, of love and of all that which makes elven... It was a good speech, but from Ellesime's mouth, these words meant even less than nothing.
And then came the time to perform the cremation. Laska winced when she saw Ellesime deftly fire off the spell. Tendrils of flame slowly crept through the air, snaking towards Anadielle's body. Suddenly, the flames combined and engulfed the body. But as soon as the flames touched the cloth, the body deflated. The gathered elves gasped in shock for a moment and started to whisper amongst themselves after Anadielle's head, which turned out to be the head of a wooden carving, rolled off the altar and through the aisle out the door.
Ellesime's expression was one of disbelief and horror as her mouth moved like that of a fish on the dry.
One by one, the moon elves in the crowd started to laugh. Laughter was infectuous and soon all the elves in the room were laughing like mad.
"Yes," grinned Laska as she stood up. "This is what Anadielle would have wanted. Laughter and a party!"
"YOU!" Ellesime screeched like a banshee that had been caught between a Jansen and a griffin. "YOU DID THIS!"
"What?" Laska blinked. "That's bollocks!"
"Yes," Reynessa said. "She was with me and my friends all night long. We had great fun."
Ellesime scoffed. "Oh, why am I not surprised?"
"What are you talking about?" Reynessa said. "We were just gaming."
"Gaming?!" Ellesime narrowed her eyes.
"Yes..." Laska said. "They introduced me to this funny game, you see, and..."
***
"Well," Reynessa read as she sat behind the cardboard screen. "You have stepped through the tunnel and have ended up in a small antechamber. There are two torches. Otherwise, there is nothing of interest."
Around her, the five other players gathered around the table were bending over their sheets and were twiddling with the dice.
"I open the door," said Feryiur. "We step through."
"Alright, spot checks everyone."
Everybody started to roll a die. Laska shrugged and did the same.
"Ah, crap, I rolled a 1."
"5."
"13."
"7."
"11."
Laska rolled the twenty-sided die on her sheet. "Ah, that's 19 on the roll and," she scanned her sheet. "Plus 2 and that makes 21."
"Yes, you make it," said Reynessa.
"Cool!" Laska grinned. "Do I get to pick a Feat now?"
"No, no, no, you noob," Reynessa chuckled. "That's only when you gain a level. You are, however, the only one who sees the orc hiding behind a column to the right of the door. You may take first action now."
"Ah," smiled Laska. "I cast magic missile!"
***
"And we played all night long," Laska smiled. "I went home after I got slain by a druid."
"I still think you did this," snarled Ellesime. "You humiliated me!" At that moment, the eyes of Ellesime bored pure hatred at Laska, but this time, Laska did not flinch or tremble. She simply started at her defiantly, not budging an inch.
Ellesime huffed and strutted out the door, trying to ignore the chattering of her former subjects.
Laska smiled at Imoen, who smiled back, and thought back to last night.
***
Laska wiped the sweat from her brow. After finding her bag of holding in the rain barrel next to the guardhouse, the only thing left to do was to find a proper place and dig a grave.
After a few moments, she had found a lovely grove in reach of the light of the moon. Laska had found the largest oak and had started to dig at its base.
It had taken her half an hour to dig the grave. She took a moment to look at her handiwork and put the shovel in the mount of dirt lying next to the grave. She turned around and saw that the moon neatly illuminated the grave. Laska then reverently removed Anadielle's body from the bag of holding and laid it in the grave.
Laska held her blades for a moment, and twirled them in her hands. They were excellent weapons, bladesinger weapons. It would be a shame to bury these with her, but it was part of bladesinger tradition to be buried with her weapons. Laska laid the blades in a cross over Anadielle's chest and put her spellbook on top of them.
Then came the arduous task of filling the grave, and as she poured the first earth over Anadielle's body, she was hit with the finality of it all. She didn't fight back the tears this time and let them spill from her eyes as she worked. Sometimes, one of the tears dropped on a piece of white cloth still uncovered with dirt, but Laska didn't think Anadielle would mind.
Finally, she stood at the side of a covered grave. She took out a dagger and knicked the tree in the bark, leaving the only, obscure sign that someone was actually buried here.
She stood at the unmarked grave for a moment. Soon enough, the earth would be covered with grass and underbrush and there would be no sign that Anadielle rested here. Strangely enough, that didn't made Laska feel said. She poured a flask of Elven Holy Water over the grave and solemnly sang a funeral rite in elven.
"My heart weeps as I gaze towards the heavens,
I am comforted by the beauty of each star,
Stars that guide the way to Arvandor,
They are alive and will watch over you,
As they look down and smile at us both,
We will both dance under the moon."
She remained silent for a moment. "Goodbye, dear friend," she said and got ready for the trek back to Suldenesselar, leaving Anadielle to rest in peace.
Thanks for reading!
