Tnt 173 : The Fall of Ziff
Laska was the first to wake, slowly opening her eyes to the onslaught of the morning sun, which poured the first of the damning rays into the room. She briefly lay on her back, looking at the ceiling and still felt the warmth from the previous day around her... almost as if it was covering her as a blanket. Looking out of the window, she noticed it was still early... but she had no intention of going back to bed. Even though the covers were thrown off the bed and they were only sleeping under a sheet, Laska was awfully sweaty and hot and figured it would be the perfect time for a cool morning dip in the pool upstairs.
The elf looked over as Rose, who was peacefully sleeping on her side, facing away from Laska and was making soft mewing sounds in her sleep. Laska grinned and let two fingers walk over her lover's upper arm. No reaction. She reached over and kissed her on the cheek. No reaction.
But then again, Rose was always unresponsive these extremely warm mornings. It would be easier to rouse a sloth than it would be to rouse a sloth than it would be to rouse Rose under these circumstances.
Not bothering to get her bathrobe, she stepped out of bed and headed towards the door. She was the first one up and sweaty, so she didn't care.
Unfortunately, the first thing she saw when she opened the door was Jan.
---
"Oh, dear, the naked people," Jan winked as Laska walked out of the door.
If Laska was offended or otherwise miffed, she did not show it. A bemused lop-sided grin appeared on her face as she put her hands on her hips and regarded him. "Don't you ever go home?" Laska asked.
"I did, I just came back," Jan said. "And, to answer your question with a question, why are you always walking around in the buff? My uncle Patsy used to do that all the time, to most people's dismay. It ended disasterously for his future offspring when he went to the family weenie-roast naked. His marriage never recovered."
"First of all, it's my house so I can whatever I want in it," Laska said and walked towards the stairs. "Secondly, I'm warm and sweaty and I want a cold dip."
"Oh," Jan said. "Mind the..."
Laska turn around. "Mind the what?"
"Never mind," Jan added quickly, to which Laska shrugged and continued up the stairs.
Jan waited for a moment, sitting back and waiting for the bomb to explode. He wondered if she would notice before she'd jump into the water. A splash confirmed that she hadn't. Jan nudged in his seat : she'd find out soon enough. One... Two... Three...
"AAAAAAAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" came the shout from above.
Three seconds?! Jan wondered So much for enhanced elven senses
A few moments later, an extremely irate tattooed elf stomped down the stairs, wearing a towel hastily wrapped around her slender frame. She left wet footsteps in her wake.
"Jan?!" she roared. "Why the bloody, bloody, BLOODY hell are there slimey big fish swimming around in my clean pool!"
Jan frowned. "Laska, dear, I'll have you know that those are not any cheap fish you get from the market. Those are expensive Kara-turan Koi carps my brother imported from... well, Kara-Tur, actually."
"I don't care!" Laska practically screamed. "Get them out of my pool, or I'll turn their slimy fish-asses into a fish-stew for supper!"
"That's the whole problem, you see?" Jan said. "It started when our turnip-barrel got eaten by woodrot, so we put the turnips in the rainbarrel. Then we put the rainwater in the lobster pen, so we had to put the lobsters in the doghouse. Then we put the dog on the catbox and the cat in the breadbasket. The bread we put out in the meatlocker, and the meat we put into the cellar. When then put the turnip beer into attic, so we had to move our old junk into backyard. We then had to move the kid's playground up on the roof, and we had to put the watertank on the porch. When then put the rocking chairs into the bedroom, but we didn't know where to put the beds anywhere else but in my brother's fishtank. Luckily, I remembered a pool nearby!" Jan grinned.
"GET THOSE FISH OUT OF THERE!" Laska shouted in Jan's face.
"Tut tut, no need for verbal violence," Jan said. "I already have a plan to put the Koi's into our turnip irrigation system. Just needs some work."
"I can't swim with the fishes!" Laska shouted, apparently having roused the other occupants of the house as noises behind the doors started to sound.
Minsc was the first to pop his head out of the door. "You woke Boo, little Laska!"
"Sorry," Laska said back. "It's all Jan's fault!"
Boo let out an annoyed chirp. Minsc nodded. "Boo says everything is always Jan's fault."
That said, Minsc took Boo and went towards the bathroom. Jan watched him go, then turned back to Laska. "So," he said. "You're not really happy about the fish in the pool?"
"Not really, no," Laska hissed.
"Then you're probably really going to pissed off when you find my sister's pet skunk in the bathroom," Jan said casually.
"AH!" sounded from the bathroom. "A friend for Boo! Look Boo, look at the nice... AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!"
---
People were walking to and fro Minsc's room carrying buckets of tomato-juice as they went in. Dynaheir came out staggering, holding her nose and looking bug-eyed. "Tis undescribable!" She tossed the scrub away. "He is still smelly."
"We've been scrubbing for a long time now," Laska said as she carried more buckets with tomato-juice.
"Oy, keep it comin'!" Korgan roared from Minsc's room. "We be 'avin' a lot of surface area ta cover!"
Rose came out of Minsc's room next, looking greenish and practically ran to the bathroom.
"Well," said Laska, still wearing the towel, as she confronted Jan. "You horrible little man, what are you?!"
"I'm a horrible little man, Laska," Jan replied. Laska shoved two buckets of tomato-juice in his hands.
---
Against her better judgment, Laska still went for a morning dip after Minsc's musk had finally gone down to a somewhat acceptable level. It was a short, but strange experience. She got out immediately when she felt Koi's starting to nibble on her toes.
She was just starting to get dressed for the first time today, as she felt a strange crawling sensation in the back of her head.
Hey, kid, she heard the voice of Anadielle in her mind.
"Anadielle?!" Laska yelped in surprise, turning around and looking if she could see her old mentor. "Where are you?!"
Still near Suldenesselar, Anadielle spoke. Even though she could only hear the words, she was certain Anadielle was grinning from ear to ear. Remember that hair you gave us to track down Irenicus? Well, we were also able to contact you like this because of that hair. Don't ask me how it works, it's one of those incomprehensible high-mage tricks.
"Okay," Laska said. It was fast becoming harder and harder to surprise her for long. "So... why are you... AW, CRAP! There's a fish in my pants!"
Uh... If you're doing something... private, I could ask Alyuil to cast the spell again later, Anadielle sounded bemused.
"Hey, I don't sleep with the fishes," Laska spat. "It's a long story. Let's just say it involves a bloody gnome."
I know enough, Anadielle snickered. Now, the good news. We've located the Rhynn Lanthorn. Pack your bags, kid, you're going after Irenicus.
---
"YEAH!" Imoen jumped up and down as she hit another target. After Laska told what happened at the pool, the party had been ecstatic. They would leave for Riatavin soon, giving Imoen very little time to practise with the magical staff-weapon they had found in the Underdark.
Imoen was already proficient with the melee-aspects of staves and was well underway to mastering the magical powers this particular staff possessed.
Imoen aimed for another bottle. The snake-head at the top of the staff blasted out a red ball of energy, which crashed into the empty bottle Viconia had put up.
"You are improving," Viconia said. "But are you sure you can rely on this weapon alone?"
"Hey, I'll always have my trusty bow to fall back on," Imoen said. "But this staff is just so damn cool. Just wait after I paint it pink. It'll really be a weapon to behold!"
Viconia shook her head. Instead, she clapped her hands and let the Aerial Servant she summoned clean up the shards of glass from Laska's precious backyard.
"That's enough practise for today," Imoen said. "I'm sure the guys will be back soon with all the supplies. I'd better go and pack our bags."
Viconia nodded and watched her run inside. When the Servant was done, Viconia unsummoned it and looked around for anything he might have left out. The Drow snorted when she found Imoen had left her 'trusty' bow lying on the tuffet where she had left it. She picked up the bow and headed inside. She walked directly towards their room and threw open the door, apparently startling Imoen. Viconia's eyes narrowed when she caught the flash of a spell finishing up.
"You forgot your bow," Viconia spoke slowly and tossed it on the bed.
"Oh, uh, thanks," Imoen stammered. "I, uh, well, that is, I was just casting..."
Viconia narrowed her eyes. "I know an enhancement spell when I see it," she said. "I told you that you don't need those kind of spells to impress me."
"No, no, no, I was just..." Imoen started to say, but Viconia noticed the horror in her eyes when she started to make the movements required for a powerful dispel-magic spell. "NO!" Imoen shouted when the light of the spell illuminated the room. When the light was gone, Imoen dove away, covering her face.
"Don't look at me!" she called back, and judging from the matted hair, Viconia realized that something was very wrong.
Viconia slowly sat next to Imoen on the bed, and slowly reached out to touch Imoen's chin. With slight pressure, Viconia pulled Imoen's face toward her. Viconia looked at Imoen without revealing any emotion.
Imoen was gaunt, her skin was pale and her hair was matted. She had lost her vibrancy in her face, which had become almost skull-like. Looking down, it seemed that Imoen had been losing quite some weight as well. Her lips were cracked and dry as she offered a weak smile. It was obvious why this was happening : the theft of her soul was finally catching up to her.
"How long?"
Imoen offered a weak smile. "A couple of weeks. Just before we left the Underdark. I noticed I was getting weaker a lot more faster. The Drow magic put on me delayed it and hid it, but... it's really going back since we left. I've been using magic to cover it up because... I didn't want anyone to worry about me, or Laska to feel guilty again. Dammit, this warm weather is making it worse too."
"Why isn't this happening to Laska?" Viconia wondered. "Ah, it must be different for us elves."
"Lucky buggers," Imoen offered a weak smile.
"We are in endgame, Imoen," Viconia said, taking the girl into a hug. "We will find your soul soon and make Bodhi and Irenicus pay."
"Thanks," Imoen sniffed.
"Cast your spells, Imoen," Viconia said. "We will keep this secret."
---
"Laska," Rose whispered as Laska, fully dressed in her elven chain, stood in front of the door to her house.
"I know," Laska said as she held her lover. "We'll be travelling by land this time around," she chuckled. "Don't worry, I'll come back."
"After last time," Rose said, "I'd rather tie a ball and chain to your leg so you can't go anywhere... but I know adventure is in your blood. I knew that when I fell in love with you."
"Don't worry," Laska said. "I'll be off to Riatavin to kick ass, then to Suldenesselar to kick ass... and then right back here to celebrate getting my spirit and Imoen's soul back. Think massage-oil, sugary syrup and velvet blindfold," she winked.
"Just come back," Rose smiled and pressed her lips on Laska's, tasting the sweetness of Laska's lips, feeling the enticing movements of Laska's tongue against hers. Finally, they broke the kiss.
And Laska was gone. Again.
---
Gathered at the entrance of Athkatla stood the party, waiting at the cart of supplies. They were ready to go to the Order pen outside the city to collect their horses and make haste to Riatavin. If not for the absence of two party-members.
Laska was the first to arrive. "Sorry, sorry, sorry," she said as she ran around the corner. "I ran all the way from the house."
Keldorn nodded. "Let us collect the horses. Jan can meet us at the pen later."
"He said he had something to show us that would shorten our travel-time," Imoen said.
"Jan has already reached his annoyance-quotient for today," Viconia snarled.
Keldorn stood next to Minsc. "What did Jan do today? And by torm, what is that horrible smell?"
"Minsc will drop-kick Jan into a trashcan," Minsc said. "Boo said I could."
"Let's not wait for him any longer," Laska said. "We can do that after we're doing prepping the horses."
But as soon as they had left the gates, they found a crowd of angry people waiting for them, quickly surrounding them in a semi-circle. They were armed with pitchforks, torches and other ineffective weapons, not realizing the party they were confronting could tear them to pieces in a moment's notice.
Leading them was a rather smug looking Artie Ziff. "You think you can escape to your allies in the south?! No doubt you will go to the empire of monsters and demi-humans that is chewing at our borders with the intelligence you've gathered for your demi-human friends. And you," he spoke to Imoen, Minsc, Dynaheir and Keldorn, the humans of the party. "For shame. Betraying your own noble race to these dregs."
"For the last time, Ziff," threatened Keldorn. "I have no patience for your drivel."
"Oh, how the mighty have fallen," said Ziff. "Keldorn Firecam, champion of Justice, has fallen for the demi-human propaganda. This elf is pure evil, I tell you. Pure evil! And we will put a stop to your evil! Get back into the city and submit to house arrest, elf, and we will spare your life. You have my word as a noble human."
Laska seemed amused. "And you have my promise that I will make you wear your rectum for a hat if you try."
"That's telling him, sis!" Imoen giggled and held out her new staff menacingly... until Viconia grabbed the snake-head and moved it slightly to the left, pointing out that Keldorn was actually standing in her line of fire. Imoen blushed in embarrassment for a moment.
"We will defend our noble race from the likes of you!"
"Hmmm," Laska said and blatantly looked at Ziff's crotch. "It's, um, really tiny, isn't it? Oh, don't mind me, I'm just looking for reasons why you're always so bloody wound up and I think I've found the reason."
"H-how dare you," Artie sputtered. Some giggles from the women in the mob could be heard in the background.
At that moment, a pounding noise could be heard from the distance. A few moments later, the ground started to shake, causing quite a stir among the mod. The source was unclear, until a huge mechanical elephant make from metal, wood and turnip-shells came through the gate. It moved slowly, pounding its feet in the sand as it walked. The elephant barely fit through the gate as it pounded towards the party with a steady pace. Finally, the elephant came to a stop and a hatch opened on top, revealing a rather happy gnome to the rather worried crowd.
"Howdy, fellahs," Jan grinned. "Look at this, the fastest transportation device EVER."
"It be certain the fattest, HAR!"
"Uh, Jan," Imoen said. "It's impressive..."
"And impressive piece of junk, that is," Viconia muttered under her breath,
"... but I doesn't look like it'll move very fast," Imoen finished.
"Actually it will," said Jan. "For this is Dumbot, the Flying motorized Elephant!"
Jan pressed a button and two hatches opened on either side of the wooden robot. Out came two large pipes with a number of fans inside of it. The two pipes locked in place with a mechanical click. Jan pressed another button and a magical light emanated from the pipes as the fans started to whir. Slowly at first, but soon faster and faster.
"Yes, my uncle invented these in his company. Yes, these magical engines are another fine product of the ACME company. Well, my uncle's crazy inventions never really sold all that well, until this mysterious bloke W.E. Coyote started buying all of them by mail-order. Made my uncle Max a very rich man," said Jan. "This elephant will just zoom over the land, travelling faster than sound!"
"YOU SHALL NOT SUCCEED!" shouted Ziff as he stood before the device. "You shall not use this war-weapon against noble human warriors."
Laska put her hands on her hips. "Right," she said. "I've had enough."
With one move, she scooped up the struggling Ziff. "Now, I've got a quick question for you. First of all, who's Illasera? Secondly, how much is she paying you to stir up things here?"
Murmurs went through the mob as Ziff started to sweat. "Illasera? Who... What are you talking about? Ah, I get it, elf-propaganda!"
Laska shoved him into the elephant. "Answer me! Someone I know told me all about your little deal. So, spill the beans!"
"Sir Keldorn," Ziff tried. "Redeem yourself to your fellow humans. Kill this madwoman! Uh, please?"
"Laska?" Keldorn said. "Feel free to remove a few internal organs to make him talk."
"RACE-TRAITOR!"
---
Hidden from sight, from the roofs of one of the guard towers, a crossbow was being cocked and aimed directly at Ziff's head.
---
Laska snarled and held up Ziff, close to one of the pipes. "Now, tell me. Who is Illasera?"
"Wait! Wait! Don't kill me! I'll tell you all...."
Suddenly, before Laska could react, Ziff was violently pulled from her grasp. What happened next only took a mere 4 seconds. Ziff disappeared into the pipe, which made an odd wirring sound. Almost immediately, a veritable cloud of red liquid was sprayed out behind the elephant, including extremely tiny bits of flesh, bone and whatever once was internal organic material.
"OH, THE HUMANITY!" was Keldorn's scream of horror which reached well about the mob's horrified yelps.
"BOLLOCKS!" shouted Laska. "He was about to tell everything!"
Utter silence fell, only the whirring of the magical turbine engines could be heard.
Jan was the first to speak. "Now, THAT never happened before, I swear!"
---
The crossbow shook as the person holding it chuckled in glee. This went better than the wielder had hoped. For a moment, the wielder aimed the crossbow at Laska's head. It would had been too easy to pull the trigger and kill her then and there... but where would be the sport in that? No, the trophy would be well-earned after a long chase.
The crossbow was put away as the wielder jumped to another roof to descend to the ground.
---
The crowd was getting angrier and angrier, now that Ziff had been killed, seemingly by, as he had always spoon-fed them, a demi-humanist assassination.
Laska and Viconia shared a look : a lot of people would be killed today if they decided to attack.
Jan, however, was still struggling with his engines. "Dammit," he said, "there's something stuck in there. MORE POWER!"
The engines started to wirr really loudly now... and finally dislodged what was in the engines. Hundreds of gold coins shot from the engine, right into the mob. The crowd literally went wild as the mostly poor people dove to the ground to gather up the gold.
"Free money!" shouted one man.
"WE LOVE THE DEMI-HUMANS!" shouted a woman, starting a rousing pro-demi-human chant during the gathering of the coins.
"Hmm," Dynaheir said. "Ziff's bribe-money."
"Put to good use," Minsc said.
"Ach!" said a disappointed Korgan. "I be gearin' for a fight. Protesters be so fickle these days."
"Jan!" Keldorn shouted. "Put that damn death-machine away and meet us at the pen! I'm not getting into this death-trap."
Jan sighed. "New technology is always met with scepticism. But flying wooden elephants are the future! Mark my words!"
Nobody marked his words.
Bye, bye, Ziff. Irenicus, here we come. In a two-parter next time.
Lotsa exposition. ---Weyoun
