30 replies to this topic

[Laufey]

If you could calculate bodily health in percentages, I think I would be at about one percent right now. Maybe a half.

Translation: he's down to one hit point!

Exactly!

He had blacked out for a time, as…things…were going on. Things he probably didn’t want to remember. The last he remembered before waking up was the spell hitting him, and then the agony. Now…now he was lying on something cold and flat. It felt like stone. Table? No…tomb, of course. They hadn’t settled for ropes, instead choosing to secure him with what felt like about a ton of heavy chains. How…flattering. They were crushing his chest, those chains, biting into his flesh, but worst of all making it even harder to draw breath.

Ooh, very nasty! I like your descriptions here.

Thanks! I tried to make it realistic without being too gross.

Chains. That was bad. For chains, you needed lockpicks

A rust monster works too, but they're kind of hard to carry around.

Indeed, they don't fit well in your pockets.

“It may surprise you to learn,” the elf went on, “that my Mistress greatly approves of her clergy being skilled at healing. After all, it wouldn’t do for people to die too soon, would it?” There was a small smile on her rosebud lips, and the tiniest hint of a flush to her cheeks.

Eww! She's really getting into this!

This is what she likes best in all the world.

One good thing about all this, Dekaras absently thought. Whether I live or die down here, the fact that I went missing is going to drive that Avariel up the wall.

Hoo-boy. I feel sorry for whoever Aerie's next victim is....

Yikes, yes...

Nice chapter!

Thank you!

[Laufey]

There’s a difference in feeling confused because the exposition is muddled, and feeling confused because one has imperfect information that is appropriate given the context. The latter can be positive; it can serve to help the reader to empathize with the characters better that are also confused, or it can tease the reader getting them to wonder what’s happening. It can make the story feel more real, because in real life sometimes surprising things we don’t understand do happen. It can give a sense that there’s a living world out there that can do unexpected things we can’t anticipate, and it’s not just the characters sitting and talking together in a vacuum.

So long as the confusion makes sense given the context, and as long as the characters respond in an appropriate way, it can be a positive story-telling device. A story doesn’t have to always give the reader perfect information to be good.

Ah, well put, and it does make me feel more comfortable. As I've said before, there *are* reasons for what's happening, they just won't be made clear until later in the story.

Perhaps the most extreme example of this was in the movie Memento. The main character had short-term memory loss. To get the viewer to see the world as the character did, the scenes of the movie were shot backwards, to reflect the fact that the protagonist never knew what had just happened beforehand. It was terribly confusing to watch, because you never understood what lead up to what you were watching in any moment, but the effect was deliberate. I actually thought it was kind of artificial, but it was an interesting idea.

It does sound interesting, but I suspect I would probably find it tiresome to watch.

I try to take advantage of the device of partial information in the Diary. There it’s very clear-cut; with few exceptions, the reader gets to know what Clarisse knows and they get to know it when she knows it. As it is, she’s caught in a very confusing situation that she doesn’t understand at all, but it should make more sense as the story progresses. Plus there are things she doesn’t know about her friends and what’s motivating them. As she once said to Magnus, “But I’ve already told you everything I know. It’s not my fault if it doesn’t make sense.”

--Rick Taylor

*nods* That's first person view for you.

[Laufey]

If you could calculate bodily health in percentages, I think I would be at about one percent right now. Maybe a half. The fleeting thought was oddly amusing, laughable really, but all that came out of his mouth was a painful hiss. Right. Not enough breath to laugh with. Should have known.

He seems to be taking it well.

He's using his usual defense strategy - analyzing the situation to distract himself from the awfulness of it.

Probably the later, or he would already be dead.

the latter

*nods* Thanks, I'll change that.

But I can still win. I can still escape her. She will want me to talk, to reveal what I know of Edwin and the others. Perhaps use me against them in some other way. I can’t let that happen. So I must escape her before it does. I have to make her kill me, there is no other way out.

Always so eager to get himself killed.

Well, he has his reasons. As far as he knows, there is absolutely no way to escape this alive.

“And does she also approve of you submitting to a vampire?” Dekaras said, relieved that his voice was more or less steady now, even if not as strong as usual. “Yes, I’m sure she’s getting a great thrill out of watching you lick Bodhi’s feet, or for that matter any other similarly smelly bodyparts.

...Slashfic!

There was a waft of cold air, as somebody entered the room, somewhere behind him. He could just barely make out soft footsteps against a stone floor. “The Mistress wishes to see you,” an indifferent voice said. “It is urgent.”

Personally, I'm suspicous about this.

Wishful thinking.

A face leant in over him, a pale face with eyes the color of pale green glass, and just as expressionless. Fangs glinted between bloodless lips.

More mystery. I briefly thougth of Valen before you cruelly dashed my hopes with your inconsiderate pronoun use.

Not Valen, no.

Well, a rescue is a rescue. On the other hand, there is a saying about frying pans and fires...

Very true. And as you will see later, this person won't be all that gentle even if he's got another purpose than Aerie.

[Weyoun]

Disclaimer: Contains nastiness. Nothing too graphic I think though.

Woohoo, gore!

(Grand Theft Auto must be getting to me. )

Poison. Poison running through his body, twisting and distorting, making every part of him cry out with pain. It had to be. What else could feel like this?

Watching an 8 hour video tape filled with Pokemon episodes.

If you could calculate bodily health in percentages, I think I would be at about one percent right now. Maybe a half. The fleeting thought was oddly amusing, laughable really, but all that came out of his mouth was a painful hiss. Right. Not enough breath to laugh with. Should have known.

I have been playing too many games. I'm thinking about a health-bar now.

And then, as if on cue, there was a cool voice, right by his side. “I see you are awake,” Aerie said. “Good. I will need you awake.”

Bodhi didn't want to take care of this herself? Or did Aerie strongarm her into letting her have him?

“And does she also approve of you submitting to a vampire?” Dekaras said, relieved that his voice was more or less steady now, even if not as strong as usual. “Yes, I’m sure she’s getting a great thrill out of watching you lick Bodhi’s feet, or for that matter any other similarly smelly bodyparts. But then, what else could you really do, having failed so miserably at every task set before you?” He took a breath, and gathered himself. “You know, sometimes I suspect you really must miss your wings. If you’d had them still, you could at least have made yourself useful being an amusement ride for small children, rather than making a fool of yourself as you do. Of course, perhaps that is what Loviatar intends for you – even gods need a court jester or two, I suppose.”

Or maybe she could have plastic protestics installed. Outfitted with a small turbine engine.

One that runs so hot it melts the wings, sending her crashing down screaming... both from falling and from being covered with red-hot molten plastic.

There was the swish of her skirts, and her rapid footsteps walking away. A brief silence, and then the sense of somebody approaching. A face leant in over him, a pale face with eyes the color of pale green glass, and just as expressionless. Fangs glinted between bloodless lips. “Chains,” the vampire said. “Inconvenient. A good thing I brought company.” The vampire closed his eyes for a second, and a second person approached the bound assassin. This one Dekaras recognized as one of the Shadow Thieves he had frequently seen in the Docks District. A short, rather skinny young man, with a narrow face and small eyes. Rat…is that what he’s called? No. Weasel. The Weasel, that’s it.

Oh, my, will Aerie be pissed.

The vampire nodded briefly. “Good,” he said, still in that disinterested voice. “And now we must go. Since I doubt you can walk properly, this one will carry you.”

Hmm, what's going on here...

One good thing about all this, Dekaras absently thought. Whether I live or die down here, the fact that I went missing is going to drive that Avariel up the wall.

Or slam her head into the wall.

[Laufey]

Disclaimer: Contains nastiness. Nothing too graphic I think though.

Woohoo, gore!

(Grand Theft Auto must be getting to me. )

Vadrak Dekaras: Undoubtedly. Please try not to leave skid marks all over my bleeding body in the name of amusement.

Poison. Poison running through his body, twisting and distorting, making every part of him cry out with pain. It had to be. What else could feel like this?

Watching an 8 hour video tape filled with Pokemon episodes.

Eeeewwww! Even I'm not that cruel.

If you could calculate bodily health in percentages, I think I would be at about one percent right now. Maybe a half. The fleeting thought was oddly amusing, laughable really, but all that came out of his mouth was a painful hiss. Right. Not enough breath to laugh with. Should have known.

I have been playing too many games. I'm thinking about a health-bar now.

So was I as I wrote it, I'm afraid.

And then, as if on cue, there was a cool voice, right by his side. “I see you are awake,” Aerie said. “Good. I will need you awake.”

Bodhi didn't want to take care of this herself? Or did Aerie strongarm her into letting her have him?

When they first teamed up, the deal was that Dekkie belonged to Aerie. Although she did let Bodhi join in a little (this happened off stage) she wanted the main torture for herself.

“And does she also approve of you submitting to a vampire?” Dekaras said, relieved that his voice was more or less steady now, even if not as strong as usual. “Yes, I’m sure she’s getting a great thrill out of watching you lick Bodhi’s feet, or for that matter any other similarly smelly bodyparts. But then, what else could you really do, having failed so miserably at every task set before you?” He took a breath, and gathered himself. “You know, sometimes I suspect you really must miss your wings. If you’d had them still, you could at least have made yourself useful being an amusement ride for small children, rather than making a fool of yourself as you do. Of course, perhaps that is what Loviatar intends for you – even gods need a court jester or two, I suppose.”

Or maybe she could have plastic protestics installed. Outfitted with a small turbine engine.

One that runs so hot it melts the wings, sending her crashing down screaming... both from falling and from being covered with red-hot molten plastic.

Wheeeeeee!

There was the swish of her skirts, and her rapid footsteps walking away. A brief silence, and then the sense of somebody approaching. A face leant in over him, a pale face with eyes the color of pale green glass, and just as expressionless. Fangs glinted between bloodless lips. “Chains,” the vampire said. “Inconvenient. A good thing I brought company.” The vampire closed his eyes for a second, and a second person approached the bound assassin. This one Dekaras recognized as one of the Shadow Thieves he had frequently seen in the Docks District. A short, rather skinny young man, with a narrow face and small eyes. Rat…is that what he’s called? No. Weasel. The Weasel, that’s it.

Oh, my, will Aerie be pissed.

Extremely pissed. As will Bodhi.

The vampire nodded briefly. “Good,” he said, still in that disinterested voice. “And now we must go. Since I doubt you can walk properly, this one will carry you.”

Hmm, what's going on here...

You'll find out eventually, but I don't want to spoil you.

One good thing about all this, Dekaras absently thought. Whether I live or die down here, the fact that I went missing is going to drive that Avariel up the wall.

Or slam her head into the wall.

Yup!

[Laufey]

If you could calculate bodily health in percentages, I think I would be at about one percent right now. Maybe a half. The fleeting thought was oddly amusing, laughable really, but all that came out of his mouth was a painful hiss. Right. Not enough breath to laugh with. Should have known.

Not nice to be at 1 hp, no.

Not at all - I tried to imagine what it would really be like.

Dekaras forced himself to open his eyes, staring up at the elf through a haze of pain. His vision was blurred…it was difficult to see her properly. All he could make out was the pale oval of her face, surrounded by long locks of golden hair. For a moment he wondered if she expected him to say something defiant, but then decided against it. They both knew how futile any such grand statements would be, after all. She would either kill him now, or else torture him and kill him afterwards. Probably the later, or he would already be dead.

One of the good things about this storyline is that it drives home that Dekkie is not invulnerable or infallible. He is very good at his job, but so is Aerie. And there are others who are, as well.

Thank you! Yes, that is one thing I really wanted to show in this chapter, that while he is very good, he definitely isn't infallible.

“And does she also approve of you submitting to a vampire?” Dekaras said, relieved that his voice was more or less steady now, even if not as strong as usual. “Yes, I’m sure she’s getting a great thrill out of watching you lick Bodhi’s feet, or for that matter any other similarly smelly bodyparts. But then, what else could you really do, having failed so miserably at every task set before you?” He took a breath, and gathered himself. “You know, sometimes I suspect you really must miss your wings. If you’d had them still, you could at least have made yourself useful being an amusement ride for small children, rather than making a fool of yourself as you do. Of course, perhaps that is what Loviatar intends for you – even gods need a court jester or two, I suppose.”

I don't think she'll fall for that. (Good thing do, for *we* don't want Dekkie dead).

He'll live, whether he likes it or not.

One good thing about all this, Dekaras absently thought. Whether I live or die down here, the fact that I went missing is going to drive that Avariel up the wall.

He and Aerie aren't very fond of each other, are they.

Nope - here we have true arch enemies.