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Cards Reshuffled 251


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#21 Guest_RickTaylor_*

Posted 23 May 2005 - 10:53 PM


He had passed quite some distance away from the village now, and was deep within the trees, approaching the northern hills. As he walked and thought, part of him listened, watched, and filed information away. Mountain lion in that thicket…moving away…hunting owl…mother deer with her fawn…ogres…

Clarisse:
How very pleasant. I always find nature to be so.... um, ogres?


Well, they're part of nature too. ;)

Clarisse:
Well, I suppose so.

“You’re all morons,” the troll sneered, tossing his head. Carrot red braids flew in the air, and nearly entangled themselves with his tusks. “All of you. If you’d only listened to me, Madulf…”

“…then we’d have waltzed up to the village and told their leader he’s a ‘rotten, fat, corrupt bastard’ for not welcoming us,” the large ogre filled in, and cuffed the troll over the head.

Clarisse:
This troll fellow seems to think a lot like that wizard friend of Zaerini.


Except of course without managing to be as cute. :lol:

I dunno, Laufey. Not to you or me of course, but I'll bet a lady troll might find him absolutely adorable with those carrot red braids. :(

“Can’t blame them,” Zaerini said, munching on a chocolate muffin that had miraculously survived the carnage of its fellows. “She’s a good baker though.” Then she shrugged in the direction of the house from where the wails were still coming. “Eddie and I found this Mimic, and brought some of its blood back to the wizard Ano met earlier, the one who wanted it to animate his pet golem. Good thing he paid us before the thing went nuts and smashed his head in.”

Clarisse:
Oh dear. I guess it was a mistake to fetch that blood for him.


Well...he *did* ask for it.

And Edwin would like very much to have a scroll of demon summoning. Some people shouldn't get what they wish for. :lol:

Edwin shrugged. “The girl will at least have a large inheritance with which to comfort herself, plus she will be able to marry the man she desires. A favorable trade, I would say.”

Clarisse:
That’s rather callous, sir. I’m sure if you lost your father, no amount of money would make up for it.


Of course not. And some day, he might just have to learn that lesson.

A very sad thought; I hope he doesn’t have to learn that the hard way.

--Rick Taylor

#22 Laufey

Posted 24 May 2005 - 03:42 AM

[quote]
“…then we’d have waltzed up to the village and told their leader he’s a ‘rotten, fat, corrupt bastard’ for not welcoming us,” the large ogre filled in, and cuffed the troll over the head.[/quote]
Clarisse:
This troll fellow seems to think a lot like that wizard friend of Zaerini.
[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Except of course without managing to be as cute. :(
[/quote]
I dunno, Laufey. Not to you or me of course, but I'll bet a lady troll might find him absolutely adorable with those carrot red braids. ;)
[/quote]

Hm...yes, you're right there. And she'd probably also think him being a master of diplomatic leadership and subtly put arguments. :lol:

[quote]
Well...he *did* ask for it.
[/quote]
And Edwin would like very much to have a scroll of demon summoning. Some people shouldn't get what they wish for. :lol:
[/quote]

One day or another...Edwin *will* get that scroll...


[quote]
Of course not. And some day, he might just have to learn that lesson.
[/quote]
A very sad thought; I hope he doesn’t have to learn that the hard way.
[/quote]

We shall see...
Rogues do it from behind.

#23 Guest_Kulyok_*

Posted 24 May 2005 - 06:17 AM

Yes, that thought appeared in my head, too. I was very surprised when I read TOB portion of Edwin Romance and found out that Dekaras was still alive. It sounded so... fitting to kill him off. Did you never ever consider doing that while you were writing?

(Er, I love Dekaras character very much, as well as Galen and Elvira, I'm just curious)

#24 Laufey

Posted 24 May 2005 - 01:24 PM

Yes, that thought appeared in my head, too. I was very surprised when I read TOB portion of Edwin Romance and found out that Dekaras was still alive. It sounded so... fitting to kill him off. Did you never ever consider doing that while you were writing?


(Er, I love Dekaras character very much, as well as Galen and Elvira, I'm just curious)


Well...I consider many things when I'm writing, it's true. :twisted: But I would never kill one of my important characters unless I thought it served an important purpose - that is, not simply for the shock of it.
Rogues do it from behind.

#25 Guest_Finduilas_*

Posted 25 May 2005 - 02:37 PM

Disclaimer: Contains dangerous lunatic - not Xzar.

Cards Reshuffled 251 – Ogres And Muffins And Golems, Oh My!


Whoa, the exchange between Jaheira and the Mad Muffin gnome was completely bizarre.

Good job!

Next: Jaheira has an unpleasant surprise. Also, possibly my nastiest Jansen story yet.


Sounds good, bring it on!

#26 Laufey

Posted 25 May 2005 - 04:37 PM

Disclaimer: Contains dangerous lunatic - not Xzar.


Cards Reshuffled 251 – Ogres And Muffins And Golems, Oh My!


Whoa, the exchange between Jaheira and the Mad Muffin gnome was completely bizarre.


Good job!


Thank you. :twisted:

Next: Jaheira has an unpleasant surprise. Also, possibly my nastiest Jansen story yet.


Sounds good, bring it on!


Soon, I promise!
Rogues do it from behind.

#27 Weyoun

Posted 26 May 2005 - 09:12 PM

Disclaimer: Contains dangerous lunatic - not Xzar.


Heheheheheh... I know what's coming. :shock:

He had passed quite some distance away from the village now, and was deep within the trees, approaching the northern hills. As he walked and thought, part of him listened, watched, and filed information away. Mountain lion in that thicket…moving away…hunting owl…mother deer with her fawn…ogres…


Ogres?


Oy? ;)

Valygar blinked, and came to a sudden halt. There, by a small creek, stood two ogres, one of them quite large, a troll, a gnoll and an orc. They hadn’t spotted him yet, he had been moving silently enough. Attacking them on my own is not an option. And if I go back to town, they may leave in the meantime, forcing me to track them down later. No, I think I’ll stay here for now, see what they’re up to.


“But how?” the gnoll was saying, then made a whining noise deep within its furry throat. “They see us, they kill us.” It yipped with distress. “Don’t want no more fighting, just wanna few nice bones to gnaw on and a cozy spot by the fire…”


Don't we all want that?

“No,” the orc snapped, “worst they can do is to pin all our heads on stakes and feed our sorry carcasses to their flea-bitten dogs!” He gave the gnoll an apologetic look. “Sorry, Fido.”


:idea:

-*-


Jaheira, too, had decided to catch some air. It was getting rather hot and noisy indoors, now that the feast was well underway, and the by now quite drunken Minister Lloyd kept trying to question her about the details of druidic life, having obviously read some very imaginative books involving nude dancing in the moonlight. Foolish nonsense. They really managed to get all the moon phases wrong, every single one.


I think the people reading those books read them for the pictures... and generally, it won't be the moon drawing the attention. :idea:

Near the center of the village, a few vendors usually gathered in the daytime, hawking everything from weapons to ale to thimbles. Right now, the regular vendors were gone, presumably participating in the celebration. Instead, a small shape sat huddled against the wall, clutching a basket tightly in her arms. A child? Then the shape raised its head, displaying a mop of frizzled dirty blonde hair, a pair of slightly bulging watery blue eyes, and a nose so large that it almost bumped into the chin. No. A gnome. There was a very pleasant smell coming from the basket, the smell of something freshly baked.


Yum. ;)

“Yes.” She made a quick grimace, and there was a little twitch in her left cheek. “Wicked, tricksy, false, all of them! How can you not like muffins? Muffins are warm, they’re tender, they’re sweet and pure.” She advanced a little more, and her smile became just a notch brighter. “Muffins are PURE GOODNESS! Too good for this world.”


They are sweet, they are tender, they are niiiccceeee. Eat them! Eat them! :D

Briefly, Jaheira considered rapping the gnome over her knuckles with her scimitar, in order to get away. No. I might as well reply, if it will make her go away. “Blueberry,” she curtly replied. “I like to eat a nice blueberry muffin for breakfast now and then, when I have the time. Now, I really must…”


“NOOOOOOOOOOO!” The gnome shrieked with horror, shrieked as if somebody had just torn her heart out, and her frizzy hair stood straight up. “NOOOOOOO! You…you…you monster! Murderer! MUFFIN-SLAYER!”


:P :P

“They are! They are, they are, they are!” The gnome’s eyes were bulging even more now, and little flecks of spittle were flying from her mouth. “You…you big meanie! I told you, MUFFINS ARE PURE INNOCENT GOODNESS! AND IF YOU EAT THEM, YOU’RE MAKING THE WORLD A NASTIER PLACE WITH EVERY MURDEROUS BITE!” She blew her nose into her sleeve. “I’ve always identified with muffins, you know.”


I suppose she sells them as objects d'art. :)

Jaheira finally managed to kick her off, and snorted briefly. “I can see that,” she said. “The ones with a lot of fruit and nuts inside.” In the background, she was vaguely aware of some very loud noises coming from one of the houses down the street. Roars. Crashing sounds, like splintering furniture. She ignored it, seeing that the gnome was now pulling a very large bread knife out of her basket, where it had lain hidden underneath the pure and innocent goodness of the muffins. The knife didn’t look very pure or innocent at all, but it was very sharp.


“Nobody eats a muffin in my town,” the gnome hissed, smiling gleefully.


*turns flamethrower at muffin* Drop the knife or the muffin gets it! :D

“Ha!” the gnome scoffed. “Why would I want that? The muffins are with me, I’m fighting the good fight here.” Then she squealed with horror, as a ten-feet tall clay golem came crashing into her from behind, trampling her underfoot as it fled in horror. It raced on down the street, howling loudly, and almost managed to reach the edge of the forest before a hail of glowing miniature meteors made it explode into a cloud of dust.


Fitting, I suppose. :?

“The Muffin Woman,” Valygar said. “She would be the village idiot of Imnesvale. They usually have somebody keep her in line. I guess they forgot in the excitement of the party.”


Did you know the muffin man? The muffin man? The muffin man? :D

Zaerini bit her lip. “Maybe, but even if he brought it on himself I still feel kinda sorry for her.” Then, she winked. “I know, we could always bring her some muffins to cheer her up. It might help at least a little bit.”


The ogre turned towards Valygar, clearing his throat. He still was looking very confused. “And you say humans fear ogres will bring chaos?” he asked.


LOL! Good point :D
TnT Enhanced Edition: http://www.fanfictio...rds-and-Tempers

---
Sith Warrior - Master, I can sense your anger.

Darth Baras - A blind, comotose lobotomy-patient could sense my anger!

---

"The New Age? It's just the old age stuck in a microwave oven for fifteen seconds" - James Randi

#28 Laufey

Posted 26 May 2005 - 10:24 PM

Disclaimer: Contains dangerous lunatic - not Xzar.


Heheheheheh... I know what's coming. :idea:


You sure do! :shock:



“But how?” the gnoll was saying, then made a whining noise deep within its furry throat. “They see us, they kill us.” It yipped with distress. “Don’t want no more fighting, just wanna few nice bones to gnaw on and a cozy spot by the fire…”


Don't we all want that?


Well, apart from the bones...



Jaheira, too, had decided to catch some air. It was getting rather hot and noisy indoors, now that the feast was well underway, and the by now quite drunken Minister Lloyd kept trying to question her about the details of druidic life, having obviously read some very imaginative books involving nude dancing in the moonlight. Foolish nonsense. They really managed to get all the moon phases wrong, every single one.


I think the people reading those books read them for the pictures... and generally, it won't be the moon drawing the attention. ;)


Very true. :)



“Yes.” She made a quick grimace, and there was a little twitch in her left cheek. “Wicked, tricksy, false, all of them! How can you not like muffins? Muffins are warm, they’re tender, they’re sweet and pure.” She advanced a little more, and her smile became just a notch brighter. “Muffins are PURE GOODNESS! Too good for this world.”


They are sweet, they are tender, they are niiiccceeee. Eat them! Eat them! :D


Ssssso juiccccccy! :D



“NOOOOOOOOOOO!” The gnome shrieked with horror, shrieked as if somebody had just torn her heart out, and her frizzy hair stood straight up. “NOOOOOOO! You…you…you monster! Murderer! MUFFIN-SLAYER!”


:P :idea:


Jaheira should be *punished* for that, really! :P


“They are! They are, they are, they are!” The gnome’s eyes were bulging even more now, and little flecks of spittle were flying from her mouth. “You…you big meanie! I told you, MUFFINS ARE PURE INNOCENT GOODNESS! AND IF YOU EAT THEM, YOU’RE MAKING THE WORLD A NASTIER PLACE WITH EVERY MURDEROUS BITE!” She blew her nose into her sleeve. “I’ve always identified with muffins, you know.”


I suppose she sells them as objects d'art. :?


No, I think she does rude things with them.



“Nobody eats a muffin in my town,” the gnome hissed, smiling gleefully.


*turns flamethrower at muffin* Drop the knife or the muffin gets it! :D


;)



“The Muffin Woman,” Valygar said. “She would be the village idiot of Imnesvale. They usually have somebody keep her in line. I guess they forgot in the excitement of the party.”


Did you know the muffin man? The muffin man? The muffin man? :D


Sure, he lives down in Drury Lane!
Rogues do it from behind.

#29 Guest_Lord E_*

Posted 07 June 2005 - 12:23 AM

Disclaimer: Contains dangerous lunatic - not Xzar.


Yesss, lunatics! Another day in an adventurer's life.

Thus, Valygar was enjoying himself taking a nice, solitary evening walk. The hero celebration was still going on, but by now the ranger had had quite enough of it and was longing for some fresh air and solitude to think things over.


Sarry: *glaring* Try that, my friend, and if you see your scribe following you, be afraid. Be very afraid.

Valygar didn’t think it would be that easy, not at all. Yet, for all her flippant attitude, he had to admit that the girl wasn’t totally incompetent.


Peri: World is one big madhouse... sometimes being flippant is all you can do in order not to lose the semblance of sanity.

He had passed quite some distance away from the village now, and was deep within the trees, approaching the northern hills. As he walked and thought, part of him listened, watched, and filed information away. Mountain lion in that thicket…moving away…hunting owl…mother deer with her fawn…ogres…


Ogres?


Heh :twisted: Ogres are cute. Just look at Tazok.

“But how?” the gnoll was saying, then made a whining noise deep within its furry throat. “They see us, they kill us.” It yipped with distress. “Don’t want no more fighting, just wanna few nice bones to gnaw on and a cozy spot by the fire…”


Awww... a doggie.

“No,” the orc snapped, “worst they can do is to pin all our heads on stakes and feed our sorry carcasses to their flea-bitten dogs!” He gave the gnoll an apologetic look. “Sorry, Fido.”


ROFL Fido :twisted:
And I think he is the brains of the gang.

“…then we’d have waltzed up to the village and told their leader he’s a ‘rotten, fat, corrupt bastard’ for not welcoming us,” the large ogre filled in, and cuffed the troll over the head. “Yeah, great idea, Musty. That’ll make them take us in for sure.” He cleared his throat. “Look, people are scared of us, and with good reason. We can’t make them like us, it doesn’t work that way, we’re just going to have to…”


I very much sympathize with the tusked folk, even when they kill and rip people. Perhaps I should continue Emilia's and Tazok's adventures sometime.


“Speak,” Valygar said, as he stepped forward from the trees, and he kept his hand quite obviously on his katana. “I will listen.”


One thing I have always sort of latently wondered about. Why exactly does Valygar have a *katana*? It's even his family heirloom, which makes it even weirder.

Jaheira, too, had decided to catch some air. It was getting rather hot and noisy indoors, now that the feast was well underway, and the by now quite drunken Minister Lloyd kept trying to question her about the details of druidic life, having obviously read some very imaginative books involving nude dancing in the moonlight. Foolish nonsense. They really managed to get all the moon phases wrong, every single one.


I'm sure the target audience was incenced.

She had noticed Zaerini and Edwin slip away, and there had been a sharp sting of pain, as the unwelcome thoughts assaulted her. Had Khalid been alive, and here with her, they would soon be retiring to their room. She could almost see the loving look on his face, almost hear the passion in his voice, the passion that few people would have guessed the mild-mannered warrior was capable of. But she had seen, and she had known.


Poor, poor Jaheira.

Near the center of the village, a few vendors usually gathered in the daytime, hawking everything from weapons to ale to thimbles. Right now, the regular vendors were gone, presumably participating in the celebration. Instead, a small shape sat huddled against the wall, clutching a basket tightly in her arms. A child? Then the shape raised its head, displaying a mop of frizzled dirty blonde hair, a pair of slightly bulging watery blue eyes, and a nose so large that it almost bumped into the chin. No. A gnome. There was a very pleasant smell coming from the basket, the smell of something freshly baked.


A nice, kindly gnome lady selling something delicious...? ...naah. It's Laufey writing.


“Oh gooooood!” the gnome said, giggling wildly. She lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “I only trust people who like muffins, you know.”


Uh, a good policy. I guess.

The gnome clutched Jaheira’s leg desperately, her bulging eyes brimming with the intelligent expression of runny eggs. “Do you really like muffins? You’re not just saying so?”


At this point I would want to *go away*.


Jaheira blinked. “Oh, shut your face, you little fool,” she snapped, shaking her leg to try to dislodge the yelling gnome. “What utter nonsense. Muffins are meant to be eaten. Surprising as it may seem to you, a muffin is not a person.”


It's amazing what nutters can consider worth protecting as if it was a real person.

“They are! They are, they are, they are!” The gnome’s eyes were bulging even more now, and little flecks of spittle were flying from her mouth. “You…you big meanie! I told you, MUFFINS ARE PURE INNOCENT GOODNESS! AND IF YOU EAT THEM, YOU’RE MAKING THE WORLD A NASTIER PLACE WITH EVERY MURDEROUS BITE!” She blew her nose into her sleeve. “I’ve always identified with muffins, you know.”


Ookayh. The obvious wisecrack about the ones with nuts and fruits will soon be made by Jaheira.


...one has to wonder why she bakes muffings.

“Nobody eats a muffin in my town,” the gnome hissed, smiling gleefully.


You do have a knack for utterly insane characters :wink:

“And so could I,” Valygar’s voice said from behind them. It was with a kind of weary resignation that Jaheira noticed he was accompanied by a large ogre, one that looked very perplexed. I should know better than to be surprised by anything that happens while traveling with this group, I really should.


Poor Jaheira :twisted:

“I was accosted by an insane gnome with a muffin obsession,” Jaheira said with a small shrug.


Such an everyday thing.

Edwin shrugged. “The girl will at least have a large inheritance with which to comfort herself, plus she will be able to marry the man she desires. A favorable trade, I would say.”


Mr. Empathy...

The ogre turned towards Valygar, clearing his throat. He still was looking very confused. “And you say humans fear ogres will bring chaos?” he asked.


Indeedy. I'd say that they are pretty predictable compared to this kind of thing.




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