Disclaimer: Contains dangerous lunatic - not Xzar.
Yesss, lunatics! Another day in an adventurer's life.
Thus, Valygar was enjoying himself taking a nice, solitary evening walk. The hero celebration was still going on, but by now the ranger had had quite enough of it and was longing for some fresh air and solitude to think things over.
Sarry: *glaring* Try that, my friend, and if you see your scribe following you, be afraid. Be very afraid.
Valygar didn’t think it would be that easy, not at all. Yet, for all her flippant attitude, he had to admit that the girl wasn’t totally incompetent.
Peri: World is one big madhouse... sometimes being flippant is all you can do in order not to lose the semblance of sanity.
He had passed quite some distance away from the village now, and was deep within the trees, approaching the northern hills. As he walked and thought, part of him listened, watched, and filed information away. Mountain lion in that thicket…moving away…hunting owl…mother deer with her fawn…ogres…
Ogres?
Heh
Ogres are cute. Just look at Tazok.
“But how?” the gnoll was saying, then made a whining noise deep within its furry throat. “They see us, they kill us.” It yipped with distress. “Don’t want no more fighting, just wanna few nice bones to gnaw on and a cozy spot by the fire…”
Awww... a doggie.
“No,” the orc snapped, “worst they can do is to pin all our heads on stakes and feed our sorry carcasses to their flea-bitten dogs!” He gave the gnoll an apologetic look. “Sorry, Fido.”
ROFL Fido
And I think he is the brains of the gang.
“…then we’d have waltzed up to the village and told their leader he’s a ‘rotten, fat, corrupt bastard’ for not welcoming us,” the large ogre filled in, and cuffed the troll over the head. “Yeah, great idea, Musty. That’ll make them take us in for sure.” He cleared his throat. “Look, people are scared of us, and with good reason. We can’t make them like us, it doesn’t work that way, we’re just going to have to…”
I very much sympathize with the tusked folk, even when they kill and rip people. Perhaps I should continue Emilia's and Tazok's adventures sometime.
“Speak,” Valygar said, as he stepped forward from the trees, and he kept his hand quite obviously on his katana. “I will listen.”
One thing I have always sort of latently wondered about. Why exactly does Valygar have a *katana*? It's even his family heirloom, which makes it even weirder.
Jaheira, too, had decided to catch some air. It was getting rather hot and noisy indoors, now that the feast was well underway, and the by now quite drunken Minister Lloyd kept trying to question her about the details of druidic life, having obviously read some very imaginative books involving nude dancing in the moonlight. Foolish nonsense. They really managed to get all the moon phases wrong, every single one.
I'm sure the target audience was incenced.
She had noticed Zaerini and Edwin slip away, and there had been a sharp sting of pain, as the unwelcome thoughts assaulted her. Had Khalid been alive, and here with her, they would soon be retiring to their room. She could almost see the loving look on his face, almost hear the passion in his voice, the passion that few people would have guessed the mild-mannered warrior was capable of. But she had seen, and she had known.
Poor, poor Jaheira.
Near the center of the village, a few vendors usually gathered in the daytime, hawking everything from weapons to ale to thimbles. Right now, the regular vendors were gone, presumably participating in the celebration. Instead, a small shape sat huddled against the wall, clutching a basket tightly in her arms. A child? Then the shape raised its head, displaying a mop of frizzled dirty blonde hair, a pair of slightly bulging watery blue eyes, and a nose so large that it almost bumped into the chin. No. A gnome. There was a very pleasant smell coming from the basket, the smell of something freshly baked.
A nice, kindly gnome lady selling something delicious...? ...naah. It's Laufey writing.
“Oh gooooood!” the gnome said, giggling wildly. She lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “I only trust people who like muffins, you know.”
Uh, a good policy. I guess.
The gnome clutched Jaheira’s leg desperately, her bulging eyes brimming with the intelligent expression of runny eggs. “Do you really like muffins? You’re not just saying so?”
At this point I would want to *go away*.
Jaheira blinked. “Oh, shut your face, you little fool,” she snapped, shaking her leg to try to dislodge the yelling gnome. “What utter nonsense. Muffins are meant to be eaten. Surprising as it may seem to you, a muffin is not a person.”
It's amazing what nutters can consider worth protecting as if it was a real person.
“They are! They are, they are, they are!” The gnome’s eyes were bulging even more now, and little flecks of spittle were flying from her mouth. “You…you big meanie! I told you, MUFFINS ARE PURE INNOCENT GOODNESS! AND IF YOU EAT THEM, YOU’RE MAKING THE WORLD A NASTIER PLACE WITH EVERY MURDEROUS BITE!” She blew her nose into her sleeve. “I’ve always identified with muffins, you know.”
Ookayh. The obvious wisecrack about the ones with nuts and fruits will soon be made by Jaheira.
...one has to wonder why she bakes muffings.
“Nobody eats a muffin in my town,” the gnome hissed, smiling gleefully.
You do have a knack for utterly insane characters
“And so could I,” Valygar’s voice said from behind them. It was with a kind of weary resignation that Jaheira noticed he was accompanied by a large ogre, one that looked very perplexed. I should know better than to be surprised by anything that happens while traveling with this group, I really should.
Poor Jaheira
“I was accosted by an insane gnome with a muffin obsession,” Jaheira said with a small shrug.
Such an everyday thing.
Edwin shrugged. “The girl will at least have a large inheritance with which to comfort herself, plus she will be able to marry the man she desires. A favorable trade, I would say.”
Mr. Empathy...
The ogre turned towards Valygar, clearing his throat. He still was looking very confused. “And you say humans fear ogres will bring chaos?” he asked.
Indeedy. I'd say that they are pretty predictable compared to this kind of thing.