Jump to content


Photo

Cards Reshuffled 249


  • Please log in to reply
25 replies to this topic

#1 Laufey

Posted 07 May 2005 - 11:35 AM

Disclaimer: Contains totally unashamed crossover for the purpose of amusement.


Cards Reshuffled 249 – Feet

You think growling monsters are scary? Slavering ones? Screeching harpies or hissing ghouls? Well, there’s one sound that’s far more frightening than that, and I don’t mean the sound of Jan saying ‘This reminds me of a story’.

Excerpt from ‘Ruminations Of A Master Bard’


Actually, it was several people screaming in chorus, screaming loudly enough that Rini winced and thought her sensitive ears might burst from it. The invisibility spell had masked Edwin from her sight, even blurring out and concealing the heat of his body that would otherwise have made a reddish glow appear around him. The three people storming towards them had no such protection though, so she could get a pretty good view of them. Three young human males, all screaming at the top of their lungs, and practically trampling each other in their eagerness to get far, far away from whatever was pursuing them.

“AAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!” screamed the first.

“M-m-m-monster!” yelled the second. “Dragon! Demon! Vampire! Feet!” He hiccupped, then burped loudly.

“It, like, is gonna totally kill us, and, like, drink our blood!” wailed the third. “I, like, don’t wanna be a hero anymore, I want my mommyyyyyyy!”

Then they were gone, having not even noticed the two half-dressed and invisible people sharing the cave with them. Probably just as well, Rini thought. Might have shocked them even worse. Plus, Eddie might have gone jealous and decided to set fire to them all or something, and we really don’t need that.

“Those would undoubtedly be the imbeciles that the addled ranger was foolish enough to provide weapons and alcohol for,” Edwin sneered. “They are lucky they didn’t stab themselves to death in their incompetence.”

”Aw, come on, Eddie. They’re just kids, pretending to be adventurers. Didn’t you ever do that?”

“Perhaps. But I did it with my usual flair, style and panache, and without ever being that ridiculous about it.”

The half-elf grinned, and practically purred into her lover’s ear. “And I suppose your teacher would agree with that, should I happen to ask him?”

“Ah…naturally! Yes, without the slightest shadow of a doubt, he would. Er…not that there is any need to bother him with bringing up such irrelevant topics of conversation. Ever.”

Zaerini smiled to herself, but chose to drop the subject. “Want to search the cave?” she asked. “It’s way too small for a dragon, at least. And I think a demon or vampire would have torn those kids to shreds long since. But there might be something interesting back there. And if there isn’t, we can always go back to what we were doing…”

“Of course. Now, naturally I, being such a skilled dragon hunter, could easily bring one down, but I would not wish you to be in any way distracted from my erotic onslaught, after all.”

“Of course not. Shall we, then?”

The wizard nodded. “But first, some more light,” he said, and a small globe of red mage light floated up from his outstretched palm and started hovering around him.

There certainly didn’t seem to be any dragons, demons or vampires inside the cave, not unless they had all turned themselves invisible. It wasn’t even a particularly large cave, so nobody should be able to hide there. There was something standing in the middle of the floor though. A large trunk, that looked as if it belonged to somebody meaning to travel to the other side of the world, and possibly to other dimensions, somebody who wanted to be sure he’d never lack for clean socks and underwear. The lid was open, and there was a tantalizing gleam coming from inside it, the gleam of gold and precious stones.

The wizard and the bard looked at each other, then back at the trunk, then back at each other again. “Eddie, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“That all that gold could buy me a robe magnificent enough to utterly blind anybody watching it?”

“No. That this is just a little too good to be true.”

Edwin sighed. “Oh. Yes. Yes, I suppose it is. Shame…I had already devised the embroidery patterns and the way the sequins would align along the sleeves…”

Rini gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “You’re magnificent already, Dread Wizard. Now, about that chest…I’m wondering what’s up with it. It’s obviously some kind of trap, but I’m not as good as Immy is with traps, after all.” She turned towards her lover, giving him a questioning look. “But I don’t get why anybody would trap an open chest. Normally the trap is set off by you trying to open the lock.” Then, she froze, her ears having detected a worrying sound. A slight, almost inaudible, pattering sound. A sound as of many little feet, moving towards her. She spun around. Still nothing there, only the trunk. Only…

“Is that thing closer now than it was before?” Edwin asked, frowning.

“I…think so. I don’t see how it could be, but it sure looks that way. And…the lid is more open than before, isn’t it?”

“Yes. Yes, it is.”

They exchanged another hurried look.

“I think,” Rini said, “that maybe it would be a good idea to back away from here, very slowly. I know we just killed a dragon and all, but…”

Edwin nodded. “Preparation is the key to successful battles,” he said, “and at this time (though surely not for long) I am uncertain what to prepare for. Let us come back later, and deal with…with whatever that is.”

However, before they had the time to retreat, the trunk charged them. It all happened very quickly, so quickly that Zaerini had a hard time properly registering what was going on. There was the impression of something oblong heading very rapidly towards her, lid snapping, and…and there were legs under the trunk now, hundreds and hundreds of little legs, ending in small, but very sturdy looking bare feet. She had a momentary horrific vision of those feet trampling both her and Edwin into a mushy pulp. Also, she couldn’t see the gold inside the lid any longer, but there was the impression of sharp and wooden teeth, and of a…tongue?

“Run!” Edwin screamed, seemingly accelerating into the speed of sound from a standstill, dragging her along after him so quickly that she feared she might fall over. They ran at a breakneck pace towards the cave exit, the horrible sound of little feet growing louder and louder behind them, and the light of the exit seemed so far away, like the smallest pinprick of light.

Rini tried to force more air into her burning lungs, willing her aching legs to move faster, faster. But it was no good. She was slowing down, without meaning to, unable to match her lover’s stamina. The wizard noticed this, and stopped, urging her towards the wall as he placed himself in front of her, protecting her with his own body. The sound of running feet came towards them, louder and louder, thundering like a whole herd of horses now. She thought frantically about which spells she might cast, but time was running out and her thoughts seemed to be running in inefficient circles.

Edwin seemed to have thought of something though, for he was casting a spell, his face utterly focused and concentrated in the flickering mage light. Then, just as the trunk turned the corner, the cave floor turned slick and black with a large puddle of oily grease. The trunk may or may not have seen this, but it was running too rapidly to react in time. There was a startled, wooden squeak, and then the hundreds of little legs were spinning rapidly out of control as the creature skidded helplessly across the floor. It bumped against the wall, flipped over, and landed on its lid, legs kicking helplessly in the air.

“Ha!” Edwin triumphantly called out. “No mere portable luggage device, no matter how sentient, is a match for this wizard! Now, you ugly wooden monstrosity, prepare to meet your doom!”

“Wait!” Rini hastily said, grabbing her lover by the arm even as he prepared to cast another spell. “We don’t want to destroy it.”

“What? Why not?”

“I’ve figured out what it has to be. It’s a mimic, those creatures that turn themselves into boxes and such things, to fool people into getting close enough to eat. And there was that Cowled Wizard back in town who was willing to pay for the blood of one. We don’t want to burn it to a crisp.”

Edwin gave her a doubtful look. “That may be so,” he said, “But it seems unavoidable, if we want to kill it. And if we don’t kill it, I doubt it will want to part with its blood.”

“I know…but I still want to try. It’s helpless anyway, it’s been trying to turn over for quite some time now, with no luck. If we leave it here, I’m sure it’ll starve to death.”

At that, there was a mournful, keening sound coming from the Mimic, and the half-elf suspected that it had understood her perfectly. “Look, you,” she said, trying to sound as kind as possible. “We don’t really want to hurt you.”

“We don’t?”

“No, Eddie. Not unless it tries to kill us again. Besides, I think it’s pretty cute.” She took a step closer to the Mimic. The grease had disappeared now, but the creature still couldn’t turn over. “Hey, Mimic. We just want a tiny bit of your blood, that’s all. Not enough to hurt you. And then we’ll help you out, as long as you behave, how’s that?”

The Mimic shuddered briefly for a moment. “Me give blood?” it said, in a weak, squeaky little voice that had something definitely creaky and wooden about it.

“Only a tiny bit. Come on, you’re a big strong trunk, it won’t kill you.”

“Whereas,” Edwin blithely suggested, “a well-aimed fireball, courtesy of the mightiest wizard in the world, certainly would. Also, you want to get yourself some proper footwear, creature. Your feet are altogether olfactorially offensive. In other words, they are as pungent as a corpse left lying inside a dank cave for a week or so. Of course, in your case, it will soon be difficult to tell the difference.”

The Mimic visibly deflated at this, all legs going limp with submission. “Me give blood…” it whimpered.

“Good. And then we should start discussing that treasure inside of you, and the most efficient and least bloody way of getting it out…”

-*-

Some time later, the bard and the wizard left the cave, carrying a decent amount of gold with them, along with a small test tube of mimic blood. In quite an elated mood, they were eager to seek out a more hospitable place to continue with what they’d been doing before they were interrupted.

And inside the cave, the Mimic, now turned right side up, huddled in a corner, peevishly thinking to itself that it really preferred its wizards to be more timid. Seeing that it had failed so abominably at being a terrifying monster, it went on to start a new career, renting itself out as traveling luggage for people in need of personal protection, and became a valued and respected member of society, traveling far and wide and having many strange adventures.

But that, of course, is another story entirely.


Next: It seems that Dekkie's luck may be about to run out for once...
Rogues do it from behind.

#2 Guest_Kulyok_*

Posted 07 May 2005 - 11:54 AM

Disclaimer: Contains totally unashamed crossover for the purpose of amusement.


And a good one! :D

You think growling monsters are scary? Slavering ones? Screeching harpies or hissing ghouls? Well, there’s one sound that’s far more frightening than that, and I don’t mean the sound of Jan saying ‘This reminds me of a story’.


Pleasepleasepleaseplease NO! Not ANOTHER JANSEN STORY! ;)

Actually, it was several people screaming in chorus, screaming loudly enough that Rini winced and thought her sensitive ears might burst from it. The invisibility spell had masked Edwin from her sight, even blurring out and concealing the heat of his body that would otherwise have made a reddish glow appear around him. The three people storming towards them had no such protection though, so she could get a pretty good view of them. Three young human males, all screaming at the top of their lungs, and practically trampling each other in their eagerness to get far, far away from whatever was pursuing them.


*nods* Yes, that was easy to guess...

“It, like, is gonna totally kill us, and, like, drink our blood!” wailed the third. “I, like, don’t wanna be a hero anymore, I want my mommyyyyyyy!”


Awwww... (*fondly thinks of "In the Cards" Drizzt chapter *)

Then they were gone, having not even noticed the two half-dressed and invisible people sharing the cave with them. Probably just as well, Rini thought. Might have shocked them even worse. Plus, Eddie might have gone jealous and decided to set fire to them all or something, and we really don’t need that.


Hmmm... What's their reputation now?

“Those would undoubtedly be the imbeciles that the addled ranger was foolish enough to provide weapons and alcohol for,” Edwin sneered. “They are lucky they didn’t stab themselves to death in their incompetence.”


Um... the word "alcohol" didn't work for me, I'm afraid. I just jumped straight out of the story back into the... *looks around with disgust* Earth. And it was going to rain, too. :D

“Perhaps. But I did it with my usual flair, style and panache, and without ever being that ridiculous about it.”


Of course, of course... whatever you say. :(

“Ah…naturally! Yes, without the slightest shadow of a doubt, he would. Er…not that there is any need to bother him with bringing up such irrelevant topics of conversation. Ever.”


Er.. please? Pretty please... *sigh* Ah, he'd just raise an eyebrow, as usual. Not very interesting, I'm afraid.

The wizard nodded. “But first, some more light,” he said, and a small globe of red mage light floated up from his outstretched palm and started hovering around him.


Hey! What about getting dressed? :)

There certainly didn’t seem to be any dragons, demons or vampires inside the cave, not unless they had all turned themselves invisible. It wasn’t even a particularly large cave, so nobody should be able to hide there. There was something standing in the middle of the floor though. A large trunk, that looked as if it belonged to somebody meaning to travel to the other side of the world, and possibly to other dimensions, somebody who wanted to be sure he’d never lack for clean socks and underwear. The lid was open, and there was a tantalizing gleam coming from inside it, the gleam of gold and precious stones.


Awwwwwwwww.... *happy sigh*

Edwin sighed. “Oh. Yes. Yes, I suppose it is. Shame…I had already devised the embroidery patterns and the way the sequins would align along the sleeves…”


Um, Edwin, won't it detract you from spellcasting? Your casting time would increase...

Rini gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “You’re magnificent already, Dread Wizard. Now, about that chest…I’m wondering what’s up with it. It’s obviously some kind of trap, but I’m not as good as Immy is with traps, after all.” She turned towards her lover, giving him a questioning look. “But I don’t get why anybody would trap an open chest. Normally the trap is set off by you trying to open the lock.” Then, she froze, her ears having detected a worrying sound. A slight, almost inaudible, pattering sound. A sound as of many little feet, moving towards her. She spun around. Still nothing there, only the trunk. Only…


Does the sentient pear on Faerun, I wonder? I guess Edwin could make a perfect +25 staff with it. :D

Rini tried to force more air into her burning lungs, willing her aching legs to move faster, faster. But it was no good. She was slowing down, without meaning to, unable to match her lover’s stamina. The wizard noticed this, and stopped, urging her towards the wall as he placed himself in front of her, protecting her with his own body. The sound of running feet came towards them, louder and louder, thundering like a whole herd of horses now. She thought frantically about which spells she might cast, but time was running out and her thoughts seemed to be running in inefficient circles.


Aww... a very vivid scene. :D

Edwin seemed to have thought of something though, for he was casting a spell, his face utterly focused and concentrated in the flickering mage light. Then, just as the trunk turned the corner, the cave floor turned slick and black with a large puddle of oily grease. The trunk may or may not have seen this, but it was running too rapidly to react in time. There was a startled, wooden squeak, and then the hundreds of little legs were spinning rapidly out of control as the creature skidded helplessly across the floor. It bumped against the wall, flipped over, and landed on its lid, legs kicking helplessly in the air.


Edwin! Leave the poor, helpless, cute and fluffy Luggage alone! ;)

By the way, where are Suffy and Softpaws? I guess they would love to watch that.

The Mimic shuddered briefly for a moment. “Me give blood?” it said, in a weak, squeaky little voice that had something definitely creaky and wooden about it.


Mmmm... Luggage speaking... didn't work for me, I'm afraid, I couldn't imagine it. But that's just me. :)

Some time later, the bard and the wizard left the cave, carrying a decent amount of gold with them, along with a small test tube of mimic blood. In quite an elated mood, they were eager to seek out a more hospitable place to continue with what they’d been doing before they were interrupted.


I wonder... they must be pretty well-endowed by now, surely they would like to save Imoen? And these meeting at the graveyard... when Valen visited Edwina... will it not take place?

But that, of course, is another story entirely.


(*opens c:bookspratchett and regards the amount of said stories...*) :D


Next: It seems that Dekkie's luck may be about to run out for once...


Ah, Dekkie and Bodhi! How is she, I wonder...

#3 Laufey

Posted 07 May 2005 - 12:18 PM

Disclaimer: Contains totally unashamed crossover for the purpose of amusement.


And a good one! :D


Glad you liked it. :D

You think growling monsters are scary? Slavering ones? Screeching harpies or hissing ghouls? Well, there’s one sound that’s far more frightening than that, and I don’t mean the sound of Jan saying ‘This reminds me of a story’.


Pleasepleasepleaseplease NO! Not ANOTHER JANSEN STORY! ;)


There is always another Jansen story. :D


“It, like, is gonna totally kill us, and, like, drink our blood!” wailed the third. “I, like, don’t wanna be a hero anymore, I want my mommyyyyyyy!”


Awwww... (*fondly thinks of "In the Cards" Drizzt chapter *)


*grins* Wonder what I'll do with Drizzt next time...

Then they were gone, having not even noticed the two half-dressed and invisible people sharing the cave with them. Probably just as well, Rini thought. Might have shocked them even worse. Plus, Eddie might have gone jealous and decided to set fire to them all or something, and we really don’t need that.


Hmmm... What's their reputation now?


No idea. Pretty decent, I think, what with all the recent heroics.

“Those would undoubtedly be the imbeciles that the addled ranger was foolish enough to provide weapons and alcohol for,” Edwin sneered. “They are lucky they didn’t stab themselves to death in their incompetence.”


Um... the word "alcohol" didn't work for me, I'm afraid. I just jumped straight out of the story back into the... *looks around with disgust* Earth. And it was going to rain, too. :(


Really? Would 'liquor' sounds better? Or just plane 'ale'?


“Ah…naturally! Yes, without the slightest shadow of a doubt, he would. Er…not that there is any need to bother him with bringing up such irrelevant topics of conversation. Ever.”


Er.. please? Pretty please... *sigh* Ah, he'd just raise an eyebrow, as usual. Not very interesting, I'm afraid.


Actually, he might relate the story of little Eddie pretending to be a Red Wizard. ;)

The wizard nodded. “But first, some more light,” he said, and a small globe of red mage light floated up from his outstretched palm and started hovering around him.


Hey! What about getting dressed? :D


Edwin: Details, details...

There certainly didn’t seem to be any dragons, demons or vampires inside the cave, not unless they had all turned themselves invisible. It wasn’t even a particularly large cave, so nobody should be able to hide there. There was something standing in the middle of the floor though. A large trunk, that looked as if it belonged to somebody meaning to travel to the other side of the world, and possibly to other dimensions, somebody who wanted to be sure he’d never lack for clean socks and underwear. The lid was open, and there was a tantalizing gleam coming from inside it, the gleam of gold and precious stones.


Awwwwwwwww.... *happy sigh*


I see you recognize it. :D

Edwin sighed. “Oh. Yes. Yes, I suppose it is. Shame…I had already devised the embroidery patterns and the way the sequins would align along the sleeves…”


Um, Edwin, won't it detract you from spellcasting? Your casting time would increase...


I don't think he cares. :D

Rini gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “You’re magnificent already, Dread Wizard. Now, about that chest…I’m wondering what’s up with it. It’s obviously some kind of trap, but I’m not as good as Immy is with traps, after all.” She turned towards her lover, giving him a questioning look. “But I don’t get why anybody would trap an open chest. Normally the trap is set off by you trying to open the lock.” Then, she froze, her ears having detected a worrying sound. A slight, almost inaudible, pattering sound. A sound as of many little feet, moving towards her. She spun around. Still nothing there, only the trunk. Only…


Does the sentient pear on Faerun, I wonder? I guess Edwin could make a perfect +25 staff with it. :)


With a knob on the end of course!

Rini tried to force more air into her burning lungs, willing her aching legs to move faster, faster. But it was no good. She was slowing down, without meaning to, unable to match her lover’s stamina. The wizard noticed this, and stopped, urging her towards the wall as he placed himself in front of her, protecting her with his own body. The sound of running feet came towards them, louder and louder, thundering like a whole herd of horses now. She thought frantically about which spells she might cast, but time was running out and her thoughts seemed to be running in inefficient circles.


Aww... a very vivid scene. :D


Thanks!

Edwin seemed to have thought of something though, for he was casting a spell, his face utterly focused and concentrated in the flickering mage light. Then, just as the trunk turned the corner, the cave floor turned slick and black with a large puddle of oily grease. The trunk may or may not have seen this, but it was running too rapidly to react in time. There was a startled, wooden squeak, and then the hundreds of little legs were spinning rapidly out of control as the creature skidded helplessly across the floor. It bumped against the wall, flipped over, and landed on its lid, legs kicking helplessly in the air.


Edwin! Leave the poor, helpless, cute and fluffy Luggage alone! :)


By the way, where are Suffy and Softpaws? I guess they would love to watch that.


Edwin and Rini left them behind...they wanted privacy, after all. :D

The Mimic shuddered briefly for a moment. “Me give blood?” it said, in a weak, squeaky little voice that had something definitely creaky and wooden about it.


Mmmm... Luggage speaking... didn't work for me, I'm afraid, I couldn't imagine it. But that's just me. :(


Oh, that's from the Mimic in Hordes of the Underdark. It sounded just like that, it was really cute.

Some time later, the bard and the wizard left the cave, carrying a decent amount of gold with them, along with a small test tube of mimic blood. In quite an elated mood, they were eager to seek out a more hospitable place to continue with what they’d been doing before they were interrupted.


I wonder... they must be pretty well-endowed by now, surely they would like to save Imoen? And these meeting at the graveyard... when Valen visited Edwina... will it not take place?


They'll soon have enough to rescue Imoen, yes, but remember that they also need to spend money on armor, spells and stuff to be well prepared. There are certain quests to go before Spellhold, Anomen's and Jaheira's, the Planar Sphere...and Firkraag. Then it'll be time.

But that, of course, is another story entirely.


(*opens c:bookspratchett and regards the amount of said stories...*) :D


And a whole lot of them there are. :)

Next: It seems that Dekkie's luck may be about to run out for once...


Ah, Dekkie and Bodhi! How is she, I wonder...


Bodhi is fine. Dekkie...it remains to be seen for how long *he* will be fine.
Rogues do it from behind.

#4 Guest_Theodur_*

Posted 07 May 2005 - 12:20 PM

Disclaimer: Contains totally unashamed crossover for the purpose of amusement.


Just like any other crossover, then. :(

Then they were gone, having not even noticed the two half-dressed and invisible people sharing the cave with them. Probably just as well, Rini thought. Might have shocked them even worse. Plus, Eddie might have gone jealous and decided to set fire to them all or something, and we really don’t need that.


Well, to be fair to the young fools, it’s kind of hard to see invisible people, isn’t it? :)

”Aw, come on, Eddie. They’re just kids, pretending to be adventurers. Didn’t you ever do that?”


“Perhaps. But I did it with my usual flair, style and panache, and without ever being that ridiculous about it.”


Ahum, Eddie? You are still being quite ridiculous about it. Occasionally. :D

Zaerini smiled to herself, but chose to drop the subject. “Want to search the cave?” she asked. “It’s way too small for a dragon, at least. And I think a demon or vampire would have torn those kids to shreds long since. But there might be something interesting back there. And if there isn’t, we can always go back to what we were doing…”


You’ll probably want to put those clothes back on, if you plan to explore the cave…

The wizard and the bard looked at each other, then back at the trunk, then back at each other again. “Eddie, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”


Reminds me of the scene in the TV series ‘Bottom’…

Ritchie: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Eddie: I don't know. I'm thinking about that weathergirl Susan Charlton, stripped naked and covered in marmalade, bouncing up and down on the end of a bungee rope. What are you thinking?

Richie: (quite taken aback) Err... well... something else, actually.

;)

Edwin sighed. “Oh. Yes. Yes, I suppose it is. Shame…I had already devised the embroidery patterns and the way the sequins would align along the sleeves…”


I think that in a world without magic, Eddie would have probably become a tailor.

Edwin nodded. “Preparation is the key to successful battles,” he said, “and at this time (though surely not for long) I am uncertain what to prepare for. Let us come back later, and deal with…with whatever that is.”


Indeed, how do you prepare to battle a treasure chest? Wonder if Eddie wouldn’t recognize a mimic, though? Perhaps not, maybe they are very rare.

Edwin seemed to have thought of something though, for he was casting a spell, his face utterly focused and concentrated in the flickering mage light. Then, just as the trunk turned the corner, the cave floor turned slick and black with a large puddle of oily grease. The trunk may or may not have seen this, but it was running too rapidly to react in time. There was a startled, wooden squeak, and then the hundreds of little legs were spinning rapidly out of control as the creature skidded helplessly across the floor. It bumped against the wall, flipped over, and landed on its lid, legs kicking helplessly in the air.


Heh heh. I remember that in the game mimic was casting a holding spell that actually looked like Grease. Fell for it himself, here. :D

Edwin gave her a doubtful look. “That may be so,” he said, “But it seems unavoidable, if we want to kill it. And if we don’t kill it, I doubt it will want to part with its blood.”


Well, you can always ask. It’s not as if you need to take his head back to the Cowlie, would have been hard to part with that and live. :D

“No, Eddie. Not unless it tries to kill us again. Besides, I think it’s pretty cute.” She took a step closer to the Mimic. The grease had disappeared now, but the creature still couldn’t turn over. “Hey, Mimic. We just want a tiny bit of your blood, that’s all. Not enough to hurt you. And then we’ll help you out, as long as you behave, how’s that?”


They are trying to negotiate with a carnivorous treasure chest… now I’ve seen everything… :D

“Good. And then we should start discussing that treasure inside of you, and the most efficient and least bloody way of getting it out…”


Kind of… ewwww… :)

And inside the cave, the Mimic, now turned right side up, huddled in a corner, peevishly thinking to itself that it really preferred its wizards to be more timid. Seeing that it had failed so abominably at being a terrifying monster, it went on to start a new career, renting itself out as traveling luggage for people in need of personal protection, and became a valued and respected member of society, traveling far and wide and having many strange adventures.


But of course. ;)

Next: It seems that Dekkie's luck may be about to run out for once...


Dekkie? Luck? What luck?

#5 Guest_Kulyok_*

Posted 07 May 2005 - 12:22 PM


“Those would undoubtedly be the imbeciles that the addled ranger was foolish enough to provide weapons and alcohol for,” Edwin sneered. “They are lucky they didn’t stab themselves to death in their incompetence.”


Um... the word "alcohol" didn't work for me, I'm afraid. I just jumped straight out of the story back into the... *looks around with disgust* Earth. And it was going to rain, too. ;)


Really? Would 'liquor' sounds better? Or just plane 'ale'?


Both work perfect for me, I think. ;)

#6 Laufey

Posted 07 May 2005 - 12:34 PM

Disclaimer: Contains totally unashamed crossover for the purpose of amusement.


Just like any other crossover, then. :)


Done for the nefarious purpose of making my characters look good, I suppose. Though I'm not quite sure how good it makes them look that they almost lost a battle against a piece of luggage.

Then they were gone, having not even noticed the two half-dressed and invisible people sharing the cave with them. Probably just as well, Rini thought. Might have shocked them even worse. Plus, Eddie might have gone jealous and decided to set fire to them all or something, and we really don’t need that.


Well, to be fair to the young fools, it’s kind of hard to see invisible people, isn’t it? :)


True!



“Perhaps. But I did it with my usual flair, style and panache, and without ever being that ridiculous about it.”


Ahum, Eddie? You are still being quite ridiculous about it. Occasionally. :D


Oh yes, he is. :D

Zaerini smiled to herself, but chose to drop the subject. “Want to search the cave?” she asked. “It’s way too small for a dragon, at least. And I think a demon or vampire would have torn those kids to shreds long since. But there might be something interesting back there. And if there isn’t, we can always go back to what we were doing…”


You’ll probably want to put those clothes back on, if you plan to explore the cave…


They did...I just didn't spell it out. Maybe I should have done so.


The wizard and the bard looked at each other, then back at the trunk, then back at each other again. “Eddie, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”


Reminds me of the scene in the TV series ‘Bottom’…


Ritchie: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?


Eddie: I don't know. I'm thinking about that weathergirl Susan Charlton, stripped naked and covered in marmalade, bouncing up and down on the end of a bungee rope. What are you thinking?


Richie: (quite taken aback) Err... well... something else, actually.


;)


LOL! Yes, I think my Eddie might well have been thinking something along those lines.

Edwin sighed. “Oh. Yes. Yes, I suppose it is. Shame…I had already devised the embroidery patterns and the way the sequins would align along the sleeves…”


I think that in a world without magic, Eddie would have probably become a tailor.


Oh, I can really see that happening, yes.

Edwin nodded. “Preparation is the key to successful battles,” he said, “and at this time (though surely not for long) I am uncertain what to prepare for. Let us come back later, and deal with…with whatever that is.”


Indeed, how do you prepare to battle a treasure chest? Wonder if Eddie wouldn’t recognize a mimic, though? Perhaps not, maybe they are very rare.


I don't think he necessarily would - they are quite rare, as you say.



Edwin gave her a doubtful look. “That may be so,” he said, “But it seems unavoidable, if we want to kill it. And if we don’t kill it, I doubt it will want to part with its blood.”


Well, you can always ask. It’s not as if you need to take his head back to the Cowlie, would have been hard to part with that and live. :(


If it even *has* a head. :D


“No, Eddie. Not unless it tries to kill us again. Besides, I think it’s pretty cute.” She took a step closer to the Mimic. The grease had disappeared now, but the creature still couldn’t turn over. “Hey, Mimic. We just want a tiny bit of your blood, that’s all. Not enough to hurt you. And then we’ll help you out, as long as you behave, how’s that?”


They are trying to negotiate with a carnivorous treasure chest… now I’ve seen everything… :D


Rini: Well, it was worth a try!



Next: It seems that Dekkie's luck may be about to run out for once...


Dekkie? Luck? What luck?


;)
Rogues do it from behind.

#7 Guest_Futurist_*

Posted 07 May 2005 - 01:09 PM

Disclaimer: Contains totally unashamed crossover for the purpose of amusement.


Ho ho!


Cards Reshuffled 249 – Feet

You think growling monsters are scary? Slavering ones? Screeching harpies or hissing ghouls? Well, there’s one sound that’s far more frightening than that, and I don’t mean the sound of Jan saying ‘This reminds me of a story’.

Excerpt from ‘Ruminations Of A Master Bard’
.


Yes, like the sound of charging trunks.

Actually, it was several people screaming in chorus, screaming loudly enough that Rini winced and thought her sensitive ears might burst from it. The invisibility spell had masked Edwin from her sight, even blurring out and concealing the heat of his body that would otherwise have made a reddish glow appear around him. The three people storming towards them had no such protection though, so she could get a pretty good view of them. Three young human males, all screaming at the top of their lungs, and practically trampling each other in their eagerness to get far, far away from whatever was pursuing them.



Or maybe the sound of running idiots.

“AAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!” screamed the first.

“M-m-m-monster!” yelled the second. “Dragon! Demon! Vampire! Feet!” He hiccupped, then burped loudly.

“It, like, is gonna totally kill us, and, like, drink our blood!” wailed the third. “I, like, don’t wanna be a hero anymore, I want my mommyyyyyyy!”



Yes, running idiots.


Then they were gone, having not even noticed the two half-dressed and invisible people sharing the cave with them. Probably just as well, Rini thought. Might have shocked them even worse. Plus, Eddie might have gone jealous and decided to set fire to them all or something, and we really don’t need that.



Logic dictates that they shouldn’t` be seen. However running burning idiots are more fun then just running ones

“Those would undoubtedly be the imbeciles that the addled ranger was foolish enough to provide weapons and alcohol for,” Edwin sneered. “They are lucky they didn’t stab themselves to death in their incompetence.”

”Aw, come on, Eddie. They’re just kids, pretending to be adventurers. Didn’t you ever do that?”



Prehaps it is foolish to pretend in a dark cave?

“Perhaps. But I did it with my usual flair, style and panache, and without ever being that ridiculous about it.”



Of course not Edwin.

The half-elf grinned, and practically purred into her lover’s ear. “And I suppose your teacher would agree with that, should I happen to ask him?”

“Ah…naturally! Yes, without the slightest shadow of a doubt, he would. Er…not that there is any need to bother him with bringing up such irrelevant topics of conversation. Ever.”



I wonder what he would say?

“Of course not. Shall we, then?”

The wizard nodded. “But first, some more light,” he said, and a small globe of red mage light floated up from his outstretched palm and started hovering around him.


Did they actually dress?

There certainly didn’t seem to be any dragons, demons or vampires inside the cave, not unless they had all turned themselves invisible. It wasn’t even a particularly large cave, so nobody should be able to hide there. There was something standing in the middle of the floor though. A large trunk, that looked as if it belonged to somebody meaning to travel to the other side of the world, and possibly to other dimensions, somebody who wanted to be sure he’d never lack for clean socks and underwear. The lid was open, and there was a tantalizing gleam coming from inside it, the gleam of gold and precious stones.


;) The Luggage knows how to hook them.

The wizard and the bard looked at each other, then back at the trunk, then back at each other again. “Eddie, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“That all that gold could buy me a robe magnificent enough to utterly blind anybody watching it?”

“No. That this is just a little too good to be true.”

Edwin sighed. “Oh. Yes. Yes, I suppose it is. Shame…I had already devised the embroidery patterns and the way the sequins would align along the sleeves…”


Rather flamboyant isn`t he?



“Is that thing closer now than it was before?” Edwin asked, frowning.

“I…think so. I don’t see how it could be, but it sure looks that way. And…the lid is more open than before, isn’t it?”

“Yes. Yes, it is.”

They exchanged another hurried look.


It`s your DOOM!

However, before they had the time to retreat, the trunk charged them. It all happened very quickly, so quickly that Zaerini had a hard time properly registering what was going on. There was the impression of something oblong heading very rapidly towards her, lid snapping, and…and there were legs under the trunk now, hundreds and hundreds of little legs, ending in small, but very sturdy looking bare feet. She had a momentary horrific vision of those feet trampling both her and Edwin into a mushy pulp. Also, she couldn’t see the gold inside the lid any longer, but there was the impression of sharp and wooden teeth, and of a…tongue?


The time has come to RUN!

Rini tried to force more air into her burning lungs, willing her aching legs to move faster, faster. But it was no good. She was slowing down, without meaning to, unable to match her lover’s stamina. The wizard noticed this, and stopped, urging her towards the wall as he placed himself in front of her, protecting her with his own body. The sound of running feet came towards them, louder and louder, thundering like a whole herd of horses now. She thought frantically about which spells she might cast, but time was running out and her thoughts seemed to be running in inefficient circles.



Nice scene here.

Edwin seemed to have thought of something though, for he was casting a spell, his face utterly focused and concentrated in the flickering mage light. Then, just as the trunk turned the corner, the cave floor turned slick and black with a large puddle of oily grease. The trunk may or may not have seen this, but it was running too rapidly to react in time. There was a startled, wooden squeak, and then the hundreds of little legs were spinning rapidly out of control as the creature skidded helplessly across the floor. It bumped against the wall, flipped over, and landed on its lid, legs kicking helplessly in the air.



Everyone together now: Awwww!

“Good. And then we should start discussing that treasure inside of you, and the most efficient and least bloody way of getting it out…”



Those greedy adventurers.. ;)

Some time later, the bard and the wizard left the cave, carrying a decent amount of gold with them, along with a small test tube of mimic blood. In quite an elated mood, they were eager to seek out a more hospitable place to continue with what they’d been doing before they were interrupted.


Are they fillthy rich now?

And inside the cave, the Mimic, now turned right side up, huddled in a corner, peevishly thinking to itself that it really preferred its wizards to be more timid. Seeing that it had failed so abominably at being a terrifying monster, it went on to start a new career, renting itself out as traveling luggage for people in need of personal protection, and became a valued and respected member of society, traveling far and wide and having many strange adventures.

But that, of course, is another story entirely.



And what a story at that. :)

Next: It seems that Dekkie's luck may be about to run out for once...


Sounds bad, will he manage I wonder?

#8 Laufey

Posted 07 May 2005 - 01:46 PM

[quote]
[quote]Actually, it was several people screaming in chorus, screaming loudly enough that Rini winced and thought her sensitive ears might burst from it. The invisibility spell had masked Edwin from her sight, even blurring out and concealing the heat of his body that would otherwise have made a reddish glow appear around him. The three people storming towards them had no such protection though, so she could get a pretty good view of them. Three young human males, all screaming at the top of their lungs, and practically trampling each other in their eagerness to get far, far away from whatever was pursuing them.[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Or maybe the sound of running idiots.
[/quote]

Or both. ;)


[quote]
”Aw, come on, Eddie. They’re just kids, pretending to be adventurers. Didn’t you ever do that?”[/quote]

Prehaps it is foolish to pretend in a dark cave?
[/quote]

Perhaps, perhaps...

[quote]
[quote]“Perhaps. But I did it with my usual flair, style and panache, and without ever being that ridiculous about it.”[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Of course not Edwin.
[/quote]

Nah, he's always totally dignified and mature of course!


[quote]
“Ah…naturally! Yes, without the slightest shadow of a doubt, he would. Er…not that there is any need to bother him with bringing up such irrelevant topics of conversation. Ever.”[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
I wonder what he would say?

[quote]“Of course not. Shall we, then?”
[/quote]

He'd bring up a certain event or two from Edwin's past, I think.

[quote]
The wizard nodded. “But first, some more light,” he said, and a small globe of red mage light floated up from his outstretched palm and started hovering around him.[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Did they actually dress?
[/quote]

It seems I *really* need to clarify that they did - everybody has asked me so far. ;)

[quote]
Edwin sighed. “Oh. Yes. Yes, I suppose it is. Shame…I had already devised the embroidery patterns and the way the sequins would align along the sleeves…”[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Rather flamboyant isn`t he?
[/quote]

Very much so. :)


[quote]
[quote]However, before they had the time to retreat, the trunk charged them. It all happened very quickly, so quickly that Zaerini had a hard time properly registering what was going on. There was the impression of something oblong heading very rapidly towards her, lid snapping, and…and there were legs under the trunk now, hundreds and hundreds of little legs, ending in small, but very sturdy looking bare feet. She had a momentary horrific vision of those feet trampling both her and Edwin into a mushy pulp. Also, she couldn’t see the gold inside the lid any longer, but there was the impression of sharp and wooden teeth, and of a…tongue?[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
The time has come to RUN!
[/quote]

Follow Rincewind's example...

[quote]
[quote]Rini tried to force more air into her burning lungs, willing her aching legs to move faster, faster. But it was no good. She was slowing down, without meaning to, unable to match her lover’s stamina. The wizard noticed this, and stopped, urging her towards the wall as he placed himself in front of her, protecting her with his own body. The sound of running feet came towards them, louder and louder, thundering like a whole herd of horses now. She thought frantically about which spells she might cast, but time was running out and her thoughts seemed to be running in inefficient circles.[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Nice scene here.
[/quote]

Thanks!

[quote]
[quote]Edwin seemed to have thought of something though, for he was casting a spell, his face utterly focused and concentrated in the flickering mage light. Then, just as the trunk turned the corner, the cave floor turned slick and black with a large puddle of oily grease. The trunk may or may not have seen this, but it was running too rapidly to react in time. There was a startled, wooden squeak, and then the hundreds of little legs were spinning rapidly out of control as the creature skidded helplessly across the floor. It bumped against the wall, flipped over, and landed on its lid, legs kicking helplessly in the air.[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Everyone together now: Awwww!
[/quote]

Poor helpless ickle thing...


[quote]
[quote]Some time later, the bard and the wizard left the cave, carrying a decent amount of gold with them, along with a small test tube of mimic blood. In quite an elated mood, they were eager to seek out a more hospitable place to continue with what they’d been doing before they were interrupted.[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Are they fillthy rich now?
[/quote]

Not quite, I'm afraid.


[quote]
[quote]Next: It seems that Dekkie's luck may be about to run out for once...[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Sounds bad, will he manage I wonder?[/quote]

That remains to be seen...
Rogues do it from behind.

#9 Guest_Dadri_*

Posted 07 May 2005 - 04:53 PM

Disclaimer: Contains totally unashamed crossover for the purpose of amusement.


That's always fun!

You think growling monsters are scary? Slavering ones? Screeching harpies or hissing ghouls? Well, there’s one sound that’s far more frightening than that, and I don’t mean the sound of Jan saying ‘This reminds me of a story’.


*Giggling* Uh oh!

“Those would undoubtedly be the imbeciles that the addled ranger was foolish enough to provide weapons and alcohol for,” Edwin sneered. “They are lucky they didn’t stab themselves to death in their incompetence.”


*Laughing* I love the way these boys just keep coming up! It's a running gag...running...screaming...wanting their mommy gag! Its rather fun!

“Perhaps. But I did it with my usual flair, style and panache, and without ever being that ridiculous about it.”


Riiiiiight. We believe you Eddie, you perfect angel- I mean, amazing overlord- you.

The half-elf grinned, and practically purred into her lover’s ear. “And I suppose your teacher would agree with that, should I happen to ask him?”

“Ah…naturally! Yes, without the slightest shadow of a doubt, he would. Er…not that there is any need to bother him with bringing up such irrelevant topics of conversation. Ever.”


The hilarity (hilariousness?) ensues! I can just see this happening. (Just laugh at my spelling, I am no where near a dictionary at the moment.)

There certainly didn’t seem to be any dragons, demons or vampires inside the cave, not unless they had all turned themselves invisible. It wasn’t even a particularly large cave, so nobody should be able to hide there. There was something standing in the middle of the floor though. A large trunk, that looked as if it belonged to somebody meaning to travel to the other side of the world, and possibly to other dimensions, somebody who wanted to be sure he’d never lack for clean socks and underwear. The lid was open, and there was a tantalizing gleam coming from inside it, the gleam of gold and precious stones.


Oh, evil! Evil evil! YES! Don't reach in side! Don't touch it, Eddie!

The wizard and the bard looked at each other, then back at the trunk, then back at each other again. “Eddie, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“That all that gold could buy me a robe magnificent enough to utterly blind anybody watching it?”


Lol! Eddie and his nymph robe! I looked it and I'm blind! Or was that dead?

Rini gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “You’re magnificent already, Dread Wizard. Now, about that chest…I’m wondering what’s up with it. It’s obviously some kind of trap, but I’m not as good as Immy is with traps, after all.” She turned towards her lover, giving him a questioning look. “But I don’t get why anybody would trap an open chest. Normally the trap is set off by you trying to open the lock.” Then, she froze, her ears having detected a worrying sound. A slight, almost inaudible, pattering sound. A sound as of many little feet, moving towards her. She spun around. Still nothing there, only the trunk. Only…


*Uncontrollable horrified giggling* OH no! Don't go against the lugguage as an enemy!! No!!

However, before they had the time to retreat, the trunk charged them. It all happened very quickly, so quickly that Zaerini had a hard time properly registering what was going on. There was the impression of something oblong heading very rapidly towards her, lid snapping, and…and there were legs under the trunk now, hundreds and hundreds of little legs, ending in small, but very sturdy looking bare feet. She had a momentary horrific vision of those feet trampling both her and Edwin into a mushy pulp. Also, she couldn’t see the gold inside the lid any longer, but there was the impression of sharp and wooden teeth, and of a…tongue?


Please let it nuzzle them, please let it nuzzle them...

Edwin seemed to have thought of something though, for he was casting a spell, his face utterly focused and concentrated in the flickering mage light. Then, just as the trunk turned the corner, the cave floor turned slick and black with a large puddle of oily grease. The trunk may or may not have seen this, but it was running too rapidly to react in time. There was a startled, wooden squeak, and then the hundreds of little legs were spinning rapidly out of control as the creature skidded helplessly across the floor. It bumped against the wall, flipped over, and landed on its lid, legs kicking helplessly in the air.


Oh! Just like a turtle!

“Ha!” Edwin triumphantly called out. “No mere portable luggage device, no matter how sentient, is a match for this wizard! Now, you ugly wooden monstrosity, prepare to meet your doom!”


No no no, please don't kill the poor evil luggage, Eddie.

“I’ve figured out what it has to be. It’s a mimic, those creatures that turn themselves into boxes and such things, to fool people into getting close enough to eat. And there was that Cowled Wizard back in town who was willing to pay for the blood of one. We don’t want to burn it to a crisp.”


Hmm. Interesting. Poor luggage mimic. Well, at least no one got killed!

#10 Laufey

Posted 07 May 2005 - 05:51 PM

[quote][quote]Disclaimer: Contains totally unashamed crossover for the purpose of amusement. [/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
That's always fun!
[/quote]

Glad you approve! :)


[quote]
[quote]“Those would undoubtedly be the imbeciles that the addled ranger was foolish enough to provide weapons and alcohol for,” Edwin sneered. “They are lucky they didn’t stab themselves to death in their incompetence.” [/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
*Laughing* I love the way these boys just keep coming up! It's a running gag...running...screaming...wanting their mommy gag! Its rather fun!
[/quote]

The poor dears... ;)

[quote]
[quote]“Perhaps. But I did it with my usual flair, style and panache, and without ever being that ridiculous about it.” [/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Riiiiiight. We believe you Eddie, you perfect angel- I mean, amazing overlord- you.
[/quote]

*snicker* Yes, yes, of course we do.

[quote]
[quote]The half-elf grinned, and practically purred into her lover’s ear. “And I suppose your teacher would agree with that, should I happen to ask him?”
[/quote]

[quote]
“Ah…naturally! Yes, without the slightest shadow of a doubt, he would. Er…not that there is any need to bother him with bringing up such irrelevant topics of conversation. Ever.” [/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
The hilarity (hilariousness?) ensues! I can just see this happening. (Just laugh at my spelling, I am no where near a dictionary at the moment.)
[/quote]

I can see it too - and he *would* answer truthfully.


[quote]
“That all that gold could buy me a robe magnificent enough to utterly blind anybody watching it?” [/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Lol! Eddie and his nymph robe! I looked it and I'm blind! Or was that dead?
[/quote]

It would be *very* sparkly. :D


[quote]
[quote]However, before they had the time to retreat, the trunk charged them. It all happened very quickly, so quickly that Zaerini had a hard time properly registering what was going on. There was the impression of something oblong heading very rapidly towards her, lid snapping, and…and there were legs under the trunk now, hundreds and hundreds of little legs, ending in small, but very sturdy looking bare feet. She had a momentary horrific vision of those feet trampling both her and Edwin into a mushy pulp. Also, she couldn’t see the gold inside the lid any longer, but there was the impression of sharp and wooden teeth, and of a…tongue? [/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Please let it nuzzle them, please let it nuzzle them...
[/quote]

Now that would have been cute!


[quote]
[quote]“Ha!” Edwin triumphantly called out. “No mere portable luggage device, no matter how sentient, is a match for this wizard! Now, you ugly wooden monstrosity, prepare to meet your doom!” [/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
No no no, please don't kill the poor evil luggage, Eddie.
[/quote]

Of course not, I wouldn't ever harm the luggage.

[quote]
[quote]“I’ve figured out what it has to be. It’s a mimic, those creatures that turn themselves into boxes and such things, to fool people into getting close enough to eat. And there was that Cowled Wizard back in town who was willing to pay for the blood of one. We don’t want to burn it to a crisp.” [/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Hmm. Interesting. Poor luggage mimic. Well, at least no one got killed![/quote]

As I said, the luggage mustn't be harmed. ;)
Rogues do it from behind.

#11 Guest_Melle_*

Posted 07 May 2005 - 06:20 PM

“M-m-m-monster!” yelled the second. “Dragon! Demon! Vampire! Feet!” He hiccupped, then burped loudly.


Ah. The feet kind of gave the game away.

Then they were gone, having not even noticed the two half-dressed and invisible people sharing the cave with them.


They didn't notice the invisible people? Amazing!
Now there's a statement that could really use an irony injection.

unable to match her lover’s stamina.


My, what is a sentence fragment like you doing in a place like this? ^_^

Edwin seemed to have thought of something though, for he was casting a spell, his face utterly focused and concentrated in the flickering mage light. Then, just as the trunk turned the corner, the cave floor turned slick and black with a large puddle of oily grease. The trunk may or may not have seen this, but it was running too rapidly to react in time. There was a startled, wooden squeak, and then the hundreds of little legs were spinning rapidly out of control as the creature skidded helplessly across the floor. It bumped against the wall, flipped over, and landed on its lid, legs kicking helplessly in the air.


For all the little indignities you so enjoy inflicting on him, he is still quite the wizard. :D

“No, Eddie. Not unless it tries to kill us again. Besides, I think it’s pretty cute.”

The Mimic visibly deflated at this, all legs going limp with submission. “Me give blood…” it whimpered.

“Good. And then we should start discussing that treasure inside of you, and the most efficient and least bloody way of getting it out…”


Ah, ruthlessness towards the cute. I like it. :D

Next: It seems that Dekkie's luck may be about to run out for once...


Hey, made a typo there. I believe that should be 'once again'. :o

#12 Laufey

Posted 07 May 2005 - 07:02 PM

[quote][quote]
“M-m-m-monster!” yelled the second. “Dragon! Demon! Vampire! Feet!” He hiccupped, then burped loudly.
[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Ah. The feet kind of gave the game away.
[/quote]

;)

[quote]
[quote]
Then they were gone, having not even noticed the two half-dressed and invisible people sharing the cave with them.
[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
They didn't notice the invisible people? Amazing!
Now there's a statement that could really use an irony injection.
[/quote]

LOL! Yes, that sentence does sound pretty weird, I agree.

[quote]
[quote]
unable to match her lover’s stamina.
[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
My, what is a sentence fragment like you doing in a place like this? ^_^
[/quote]

:lol:

[quote]
[quote]
Edwin seemed to have thought of something though, for he was casting a spell, his face utterly focused and concentrated in the flickering mage light. Then, just as the trunk turned the corner, the cave floor turned slick and black with a large puddle of oily grease. The trunk may or may not have seen this, but it was running too rapidly to react in time. There was a startled, wooden squeak, and then the hundreds of little legs were spinning rapidly out of control as the creature skidded helplessly across the floor. It bumped against the wall, flipped over, and landed on its lid, legs kicking helplessly in the air.
[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
For all the little indignities you so enjoy inflicting on him, he is still quite the wizard. :(
[/quote]

Oh, that he is. :D I don't think even most of the people who don't like him will disagree with him being a capable wizard.


[quote]
“Good. And then we should start discussing that treasure inside of you, and the most efficient and least bloody way of getting it out…”
[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Ah, ruthlessness towards the cute. I like it. :D
[/quote]

Rini: Hey, *it* started the fight!

[quote]
[quote]
Next: It seems that Dekkie's luck may be about to run out for once...[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]
Hey, made a typo there. I believe that should be 'once again'. :o[/quote]

*evil grin* Just call me Beshaba...
Rogues do it from behind.

#13 Guest_AlphaMonkey_*

Posted 07 May 2005 - 07:26 PM

Well, there’s one sound that’s far more frightening than that


That low hum that keys up just before the Death Star's superlaser opens fire? 'cause that's pretty creepy. :D

and I don’t mean the sound of Jan saying ‘This reminds me of a story’


That's creepy, too.

“Eddie, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”


I think so, Brain. But where will we ever find mittens that smell like cheese?

It bumped against the wall, flipped over, and landed on its lid, legs kicking helplessly in the air.


It's like the way people talk about how their dogs start chasing something, go too fast to stop, slide across the floor, and slam into the walls. Poor dogs. :o

The grease had disappeared now, but the creature still couldn’t turn over.


Bender: "It's just... it's a lot like me. Neither of us can get up if we land flat on our backs."

Fry: "I've seen you get up off your back before."

Bender: "I was never completely on my back... always a little on my side..."

But that, of course, is another story entirely.


And with luck, we'll never have to hear about it. ^_^

#14 Laufey

Posted 07 May 2005 - 07:54 PM

Well, there’s one sound that’s far more frightening than that


That low hum that keys up just before the Death Star's superlaser opens fire? 'cause that's pretty creepy. :D


Oh yes, that one too. :D

It bumped against the wall, flipped over, and landed on its lid, legs kicking helplessly in the air.


It's like the way people talk about how their dogs start chasing something, go too fast to stop, slide across the floor, and slam into the walls. Poor dogs. ;)


Awww... :lol:

The grease had disappeared now, but the creature still couldn’t turn over.


Bender: "It's just... it's a lot like me. Neither of us can get up if we land flat on our backs."


Fry: "I've seen you get up off your back before."


Bender: "I was never completely on my back... always a little on my side..."


LOL! I really, really must watch Futurama.

But that, of course, is another story entirely.


And with luck, we'll never have to hear about it. ^_^


Unless you're another Pratchett fan, of course. :o
Rogues do it from behind.

#15 Guest_Wyvern_*

Posted 08 May 2005 - 02:36 AM

You think growling monsters are scary? Slavering ones? Screeching harpies or hissing ghouls? Well, there’s one sound that’s far more frightening than that, and I don’t mean the sound of Jan saying ‘This reminds me of a story’.

Eddie saying he's found a new scroll?

The half-elf grinned, and practically purred into her lover’s ear. “And I suppose your teacher would agree with that, should I happen to ask him?”

“Ah…naturally! Yes, without the slightest shadow of a doubt, he would. Er…not that there is any need to bother him with bringing up such irrelevant topics of conversation. Ever.”

Nice save, Eddie :D

“Run!” Edwin screamed, seemingly accelerating into the speed of sound from a standstill, dragging her along after him so quickly that she feared she might fall over. They ran at a breakneck pace towards the cave exit, the horrible sound of little feet growing louder and louder behind them, and the light of the exit seemed so far away, like the smallest pinprick of light.

Why do I think they won't be telling the party about this one? Running away from luggage ^_^ :o

Edwin seemed to have thought of something though, for he was casting a spell, his face utterly focused and concentrated in the flickering mage light. Then, just as the trunk turned the corner, the cave floor turned slick and black with a large puddle of oily grease. The trunk may or may not have seen this, but it was running too rapidly to react in time. There was a startled, wooden squeak, and then the hundreds of little legs were spinning rapidly out of control as the creature skidded helplessly across the floor. It bumped against the wall, flipped over, and landed on its lid, legs kicking helplessly in the air.

Aww, poor little evil, murderous monster.

The Mimic visibly deflated at this, all legs going limp with submission. “Me give blood…” it whimpered.

Edwin should work for the Blood Bank.

Some time later, the bard and the wizard left the cave, carrying a decent amount of gold with them, along with a small test tube of mimic blood. In quite an elated mood, they were eager to seek out a more hospitable place to continue with what they’d been doing before they were interrupted.

Have they thought about the inn?

#16 Laufey

Posted 08 May 2005 - 05:40 AM

You think growling monsters are scary? Slavering ones? Screeching harpies or hissing ghouls? Well, there’s one sound that’s far more frightening than that, and I don’t mean the sound of Jan saying ‘This reminds me of a story’.

Eddie saying he's found a new scroll?


That one too. ;)

The half-elf grinned, and practically purred into her lover’s ear. “And I suppose your teacher would agree with that, should I happen to ask him?”


“Ah…naturally! Yes, without the slightest shadow of a doubt, he would. Er…not that there is any need to bother him with bringing up such irrelevant topics of conversation. Ever.”

Nice save, Eddie :D


:o

“Run!” Edwin screamed, seemingly accelerating into the speed of sound from a standstill, dragging her along after him so quickly that she feared she might fall over. They ran at a breakneck pace towards the cave exit, the horrible sound of little feet growing louder and louder behind them, and the light of the exit seemed so far away, like the smallest pinprick of light.

Why do I think they won't be telling the party about this one? Running away from luggage ^_^ :lol:


No, I agree. :D


Some time later, the bard and the wizard left the cave, carrying a decent amount of gold with them, along with a small test tube of mimic blood. In quite an elated mood, they were eager to seek out a more hospitable place to continue with what they’d been doing before they were interrupted.

Have they thought about the inn?


*grin* I hope so...or something worse may happen.
Rogues do it from behind.

#17 Guest_Lord E_*

Posted 08 May 2005 - 02:38 PM

“M-m-m-monster!” yelled the second. “Dragon! Demon! Vampire! Feet!” He hiccupped, then burped loudly.


Ah :o

Then they were gone, having not even noticed the two half-dressed and invisible people sharing the cave with them.


Yeah, I think that you'd indeed better to rewrite that sentence :D

“Those would undoubtedly be the imbeciles that the addled ranger was foolish enough to provide weapons and alcohol for,” Edwin sneered. “They are lucky they didn’t stab themselves to death in their incompetence.”


Awww! My baby!

”Aw, come on, Eddie. They’re just kids, pretending to be adventurers. Didn’t you ever do that?”


“Perhaps. But I did it with my usual flair, style and panache, and without ever being that ridiculous about it.”


AWWWWW!!!

“Ah…naturally! Yes, without the slightest shadow of a doubt, he would. Er…not that there is any need to bother him with bringing up such irrelevant topics of conversation. Ever.”


I wish Dekkie was here...

The wizard nodded. “But first, some more light,” he said, and a small globe of red mage light floated up from his outstretched palm and started hovering around him.


I want to be a wizard... (and multi-class to a barbarian, since I have a fondness for physical aggression as well). And I want to be a paladin of Ilmater, if I don't have to be Lawful and only have to be Good sometimes... ;)

“That all that gold could buy me a robe magnificent enough to utterly blind anybody watching it?”


“No. That this is just a little too good to be true.”


I would really have been amazed if Edwin *had* thought of that. Sometimes I think his real WIS score is lower than 10.

“Ha!” Edwin triumphantly called out. “No mere portable luggage device, no matter how sentient, is a match for this wizard! Now, you ugly wooden monstrosity, prepare to meet your doom!”


Edwin is our hero. :D


At that, there was a mournful, keening sound coming from the Mimic, and the half-elf suspected that it had understood her perfectly. “Look, you,” she said, trying to sound as kind as possible. “We don’t really want to hurt you.”


“We don’t?”


“No, Eddie. Not unless it tries to kill us again.


No, Eddie is not Good-aligned.

And inside the cave, the Mimic, now turned right side up, huddled in a corner, peevishly thinking to itself that it really preferred its wizards to be more timid. Seeing that it had failed so abominably at being a terrifying monster, it went on to start a new career, renting itself out as traveling luggage for people in need of personal protection, and became a valued and respected member of society, traveling far and wide and having many strange adventures.


But that, of course, is another story entirely.


Good for... er, it ^_^

#18 Guest_RickTaylor_*

Posted 09 May 2005 - 03:12 AM

Hello Laufey!

You think growling monsters are scary? Slavering ones? Screeching harpies or hissing ghouls? Well, there’s one sound that’s far more frightening than that, and I don’t mean the sound of Jan saying ‘This reminds me of a story’.

Excerpt from ‘Ruminations Of A Master Bard’

Ummmmm, what is the sound of one hand clapping?



Actually, it was several people screaming in chorus, screaming loudly enough that Rini winced and thought her sensitive ears might burst from it. The invisibility spell had masked Edwin from her sight, even blurring out and concealing the heat of his body that would otherwise have made a reddish glow appear around him. The three people storming towards them had no such protection though, so she could get a pretty good view of them. Three young human males, all screaming at the top of their lungs, and practically trampling each other in their eagerness to get far, far away from whatever was pursuing them.

Ohhhhhhh... Those guys!


“AAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!” screamed the first.

“M-m-m-monster!” yelled the second. “Dragon! Demon! Vampire! Feet!” He hiccupped, then burped loudly.

“It, like, is gonna totally kill us, and, like, drink our blood!” wailed the third. “I, like, don’t wanna be a hero anymore, I want my mommyyyyyyy!”

Bye bye!



”Aw, come on, Eddie. They’re just kids, pretending to be adventurers. Didn’t you ever do that?”

“Perhaps. But I did it with my usual flair, style and panache, and without ever being that ridiculous about it.”

:( Like the time you ran away from home because you didn't like that yellow robe?



The half-elf grinned, and practically purred into her lover’s ear. “And I suppose your teacher would agree with that, should I happen to ask him?”

Awwwww, don't torture him too much, Rini. He get's tortured enough by everyone else.



“Ah…naturally! Yes, without the slightest shadow of a doubt, he would. Er…not that there is any need to bother him with bringing up such irrelevant topics of conversation. Ever.”

:( Definitely not.



Zaerini smiled to herself, but chose to drop the subject. “Want to search the cave?” she asked. “It’s way too small for a dragon, at least. And I think a demon or vampire would have torn those kids to shreds long since. But there might be something interesting back there. And if there isn’t, we can always go back to what we were doing…”

I hope Zaerini has her weapons (of course Edwin would never go anywhere without his spell components)




The wizard nodded. “But first, some more light,” he said, and a small globe of red mage light floated up from his outstretched palm and started hovering around him.

It's so cool being a wizard.



The wizard and the bard looked at each other, then back at the trunk, then back at each other again. “Eddie, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“That all that gold could buy me a robe magnificent enough to utterly blind anybody watching it?”

(*sigh*) I'm glad Dekaras wasn't here to hear that. ;)



Rini gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “You’re magnificent already, Dread Wizard. Now, about that chest…I’m wondering what’s up with it. It’s obviously some kind of trap, but I’m not as good as Immy is with traps, after all.” She turned towards her lover, giving him a questioning look. “But I don’t get why anybody would trap an open chest. Normally the trap is set off by you trying to open the lock.” Then, she froze, her ears having detected a worrying sound. A slight, almost inaudible, pattering sound. A sound as of many little feet, moving towards her. She spun around. Still nothing there, only the trunk. Only…

:D The scariest monster sound is the pitter patter of lots of little feet?



However, before they had the time to retreat, the trunk charged them. It all happened very quickly, so quickly that Zaerini had a hard time properly registering what was going on. There was the impression of something oblong heading very rapidly towards her, lid snapping, and…and there were legs under the trunk now, hundreds and hundreds of little legs, ending in small, but very sturdy looking bare feet. She had a momentary horrific vision of those feet trampling both her and Edwin into a mushy pulp. Also, she couldn’t see the gold inside the lid any longer, but there was the impression of sharp and wooden teeth, and of a…tongue?

:) I know it must have been scary for them, but this really does seem funny.



They ran at a breakneck pace towards the cave exit, the horrible sound of little feet growing louder and louder behind them,...

pitter patter pitter patter Pitter Patter Pitter Patter PITTER PATTER PITTER PATTER...



Rini tried to force more air into her burning lungs, willing her aching legs to move faster, faster. But it was no good. She was slowing down, without meaning to, unable to match her lover’s stamina. The wizard noticed this, and stopped, urging her towards the wall as he placed himself in front of her, protecting her with his own body. The sound of running feet came towards them, louder and louder, thundering like a whole herd of horses now. She thought frantically about which spells she might cast, but time was running out and her thoughts seemed to be running in inefficient circles.

AIIEEGGGHHHH!!!!!



Edwin seemed to have thought of something though, for he was casting a spell, his face utterly focused and concentrated in the flickering mage light. Then, just as the trunk turned the corner, the cave floor turned slick and black with a large puddle of oily grease.

Nice one, Edwin!!!


The trunk may or may not have seen this, but it was running too rapidly to react in time. There was a startled, wooden squeak, and then the hundreds of little legs were spinning rapidly out of control as the creature skidded helplessly across the floor. It bumped against the wall, flipped over, and landed on its lid, legs kicking helplessly in the air.

Awwwwwwwww....



“Wait!” Rini hastily said, grabbing her lover by the arm even as he prepared to cast another spell. “We don’t want to destroy it.”

“What? Why not?”

;) She's not going to invite it to join the party, is she?



At that, there was a mournful, keening sound coming from the Mimic, and the half-elf suspected that it had understood her perfectly. “Look, you,” she said, trying to sound as kind as possible. “We don’t really want to hurt you.”

“We don’t?”

Definitely not!



“No, Eddie. Not unless it tries to kill us again. Besides, I think it’s pretty cute.”

I think it's adorable!



She took a step closer to the Mimic. The grease had disappeared now, but the creature still couldn’t turn over.

A truly terrifying monster...



“Hey, Mimic. We just want a tiny bit of your blood, that’s all. Not enough to hurt you. And then we’ll help you out, as long as you behave, how’s that?”

The Mimic shuddered briefly for a moment. “Me give blood?” it said, in a weak, squeaky little voice that had something definitely creaky and wooden about it.

Awwwwwww... Poor thing. I bet it gets woozy when it gives blood, just like I do.




“Good. And then we should start discussing that treasure inside of you, and the most efficient and least bloody way of getting it out…”

Rini! Quit being so mean to the cute widdle mimic!



Some time later, the bard and the wizard left the cave, carrying a decent amount of gold with them, along with a small test tube of mimic blood. In quite an elated mood, they were eager to seek out a more hospitable place to continue with what they’d been doing before they were interrupted.

:) I'd recommend renting a room at the Inn. You wouldn't even need to use invisiblity spells.



And inside the cave, the Mimic, now turned right side up, huddled in a corner, peevishly thinking to itself that it really preferred its wizards to be more timid. Seeing that it had failed so abominably at being a terrifying monster, it went on to start a new career, renting itself out as traveling luggage for people in need of personal protection, and became a valued and respected member of society, traveling far and wide and having many strange adventures.

Happy Ending!



But that, of course, is another story entirely.

I guess this was the crossover?



Next: It seems that Dekkie's luck may be about to run out for once...

Uh oh. That doesn't sound good. Hope we get to see Yoshi again.

--Rick

#19 Laufey

Posted 10 May 2005 - 08:41 AM


Then they were gone, having not even noticed the two half-dressed and invisible people sharing the cave with them.


Yeah, I think that you'd indeed better to rewrite that sentence :lol:


Yes, it does sound pretty silly. :lol:


“Those would undoubtedly be the imbeciles that the addled ranger was foolish enough to provide weapons and alcohol for,” Edwin sneered. “They are lucky they didn’t stab themselves to death in their incompetence.”


Awww! My baby!


Precious!



“Ah…naturally! Yes, without the slightest shadow of a doubt, he would. Er…not that there is any need to bother him with bringing up such irrelevant topics of conversation. Ever.”


I wish Dekkie was here...


He'd have a few things to say about this.


The wizard nodded. “But first, some more light,” he said, and a small globe of red mage light floated up from his outstretched palm and started hovering around him.


I want to be a wizard... (and multi-class to a barbarian, since I have a fondness for physical aggression as well). And I want to be a paladin of Ilmater, if I don't have to be Lawful and only have to be Good sometimes... :lol:


I'd like to be a thief/mage, I think. :)



“No. That this is just a little too good to be true.”


I would really have been amazed if Edwin *had* thought of that. Sometimes I think his real WIS score is lower than 10.


About 5 or so, I think. :)



“No, Eddie. Not unless it tries to kill us again.


No, Eddie is not Good-aligned.


Nope! :)
Rogues do it from behind.

#20 Laufey

Posted 10 May 2005 - 08:45 AM

[quote]Hello Laufey!
[/quote]

Heya! :D



[quote]
[quote]“AAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!” screamed the first.
[/quote]

[quote]
“M-m-m-monster!” yelled the second. “Dragon! Demon! Vampire! Feet!” He hiccupped, then burped loudly.
[/quote]

[quote]
“It, like, is gonna totally kill us, and, like, drink our blood!” wailed the third. “I, like, don’t wanna be a hero anymore, I want my mommyyyyyyy!”
[/quote]
Bye bye!
[/quote]

They'll be better off at home, I think.

[quote]
[quote]”Aw, come on, Eddie. They’re just kids, pretending to be adventurers. Didn’t you ever do that?”
[/quote]

[quote]
“Perhaps. But I did it with my usual flair, style and panache, and without ever being that ridiculous about it.”
[/quote]
:) Like the time you ran away from home because you didn't like that yellow robe?
[/quote]

Yes, exactly like that. :D

[quote]
[quote]The half-elf grinned, and practically purred into her lover’s ear. “And I suppose your teacher would agree with that, should I happen to ask him?”
[/quote]
Awwwww, don't torture him too much, Rini. He get's tortured enough by everyone else.
[/quote]

Ah, she's just teasing him a little, it's good for him. :)



[quote]
[quote]The wizard nodded. “But first, some more light,” he said, and a small globe of red mage light floated up from his outstretched palm and started hovering around him.
[/quote]
It's so cool being a wizard.
[/quote]

I'd like it...or a rogue, or a thief/mage. :)


[quote]
[quote]The wizard and the bard looked at each other, then back at the trunk, then back at each other again. “Eddie, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
[/quote]

[quote]
“That all that gold could buy me a robe magnificent enough to utterly blind anybody watching it?”
[/quote]
(*sigh*) I'm glad Dekaras wasn't here to hear that. :lol:
[/quote]

He'd be risking a heart attack...


[quote]
[quote]
However, before they had the time to retreat, the trunk charged them. It all happened very quickly, so quickly that Zaerini had a hard time properly registering what was going on. There was the impression of something oblong heading very rapidly towards her, lid snapping, and…and there were legs under the trunk now, hundreds and hundreds of little legs, ending in small, but very sturdy looking bare feet. She had a momentary horrific vision of those feet trampling both her and Edwin into a mushy pulp. Also, she couldn’t see the gold inside the lid any longer, but there was the impression of sharp and wooden teeth, and of a…tongue?
[/quote]
:D I know it must have been scary for them, but this really does seem funny.
[/quote]

All glory to Terry Pratchett, creator of the magnificent Luggage. :D If you haven't read him already, you should.


[quote]
[quote]They ran at a breakneck pace towards the cave exit, the horrible sound of little feet growing louder and louder behind them,...[/quote]
pitter patter pitter patter Pitter Patter Pitter Patter PITTER PATTER PITTER PATTER...
[/quote]

:)

[quote]
[quote]The trunk may or may not have seen this, but it was running too rapidly to react in time. There was a startled, wooden squeak, and then the hundreds of little legs were spinning rapidly out of control as the creature skidded helplessly across the floor. It bumped against the wall, flipped over, and landed on its lid, legs kicking helplessly in the air.
[/quote]
Awwwwwwwww....
[/quote]

It'll be all right, I promise. :?

[quote]
[quote]
“Wait!” Rini hastily said, grabbing her lover by the arm even as he prepared to cast another spell. “We don’t want to destroy it.”
[/quote]

[quote]
“What? Why not?”
[/quote]
:lol: She's not going to invite it to join the party, is she?
[/quote]

Nah. Mazzy's hand is enough.



[quote]
[quote]
“No, Eddie. Not unless it tries to kill us again. Besides, I think it’s pretty cute.”[/quote]
I think it's adorable!
[/quote]

Oh yes. :( I think it sounds like the mimic in Hordes of the Underdark, that cute little voice....


[quote]
The Mimic shuddered briefly for a moment. “Me give blood?” it said, in a weak, squeaky little voice that had something definitely creaky and wooden about it.
[/quote]
Awwwwwww... Poor thing. I bet it gets woozy when it gives blood, just like I do.
[/quote]

Quite possibly. :D


[quote]
[quote]“Good. And then we should start discussing that treasure inside of you, and the most efficient and least bloody way of getting it out…”
[/quote]
Rini! Quit being so mean to the cute widdle mimic!
[/quote]

Rini: Well, it *did* try to kill us...


[quote]
[quote]Some time later, the bard and the wizard left the cave, carrying a decent amount of gold with them, along with a small test tube of mimic blood. In quite an elated mood, they were eager to seek out a more hospitable place to continue with what they’d been doing before they were interrupted.
[/quote]
:lol: I'd recommend renting a room at the Inn. You wouldn't even need to use invisiblity spells.
[/quote]

:)

[quote]
[quote]But that, of course, is another story entirely.
[/quote]
I guess this was the crossover?
[/quote]

Yep!


[quote]
[quote]Next: It seems that Dekkie's luck may be about to run out for once...[/quote]
Uh oh. That doesn't sound good. Hope we get to see Yoshi again.
[/quote]

[quote]
--Rick[/quote]

Yoshi will be there, yes.
Rogues do it from behind.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users