Rini! Quit being so mean to the cute widdle mimic!
Rini: Well, it *did* try to kill us...
But Rini, it's so adooooooorable!!!
I must go and check out Terry Pratchett.
--Rick
Posted 10 May 2005 - 09:28 PM
Rini! Quit being so mean to the cute widdle mimic!
Rini: Well, it *did* try to kill us...
But Rini, it's so adooooooorable!!!
I must go and check out Terry Pratchett.
--Rick
Posted 13 May 2005 - 11:34 AM
Disclaimer: Contains totally unashamed crossover for the purpose of amusement.
“AAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!” screamed the first.
“M-m-m-monster!” yelled the second. “Dragon! Demon! Vampire! Feet!” He hiccupped, then burped loudly.
“It, like, is gonna totally kill us, and, like, drink our blood!” wailed the third. “I, like, don’t wanna be a hero anymore, I want my mommyyyyyyy!”
Zaerini smiled to herself, but chose to drop the subject. “Want to search the cave?” she asked. “It’s way too small for a dragon, at least. And I think a demon or vampire would have torn those kids to shreds long since. But there might be something interesting back there. And if there isn’t, we can always go back to what we were doing…”
“Of course. Now, naturally I, being such a skilled dragon hunter, could easily bring one down, but I would not wish you to be in any way distracted from my erotic onslaught, after all.”
The wizard and the bard looked at each other, then back at the trunk, then back at each other again. “Eddie, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“That all that gold could buy me a robe magnificent enough to utterly blind anybody watching it?”
However, before they had the time to retreat, the trunk charged them. It all happened very quickly, so quickly that Zaerini had a hard time properly registering what was going on. There was the impression of something oblong heading very rapidly towards her, lid snapping, and…and there were legs under the trunk now, hundreds and hundreds of little legs, ending in small, but very sturdy looking bare feet. She had a momentary horrific vision of those feet trampling both her and Edwin into a mushy pulp. Also, she couldn’t see the gold inside the lid any longer, but there was the impression of sharp and wooden teeth, and of a…tongue?
Edwin seemed to have thought of something though, for he was casting a spell, his face utterly focused and concentrated in the flickering mage light. Then, just as the trunk turned the corner, the cave floor turned slick and black with a large puddle of oily grease. The trunk may or may not have seen this, but it was running too rapidly to react in time. There was a startled, wooden squeak, and then the hundreds of little legs were spinning rapidly out of control as the creature skidded helplessly across the floor. It bumped against the wall, flipped over, and landed on its lid, legs kicking helplessly in the air.
“Ha!” Edwin triumphantly called out. “No mere portable luggage device, no matter how sentient, is a match for this wizard! Now, you ugly wooden monstrosity, prepare to meet your doom!”
“Whereas,” Edwin blithely suggested, “a well-aimed fireball, courtesy of the mightiest wizard in the world, certainly would. Also, you want to get yourself some proper footwear, creature. Your feet are altogether olfactorially offensive. In other words, they are as pungent as a corpse left lying inside a dank cave for a week or so. Of course, in your case, it will soon be difficult to tell the difference.”
And inside the cave, the Mimic, now turned right side up, huddled in a corner, peevishly thinking to itself that it really preferred its wizards to be more timid. Seeing that it had failed so abominably at being a terrifying monster, it went on to start a new career, renting itself out as traveling luggage for people in need of personal protection, and became a valued and respected member of society, traveling far and wide and having many strange adventures.
But that, of course, is another story entirely.
Posted 13 May 2005 - 07:23 PM
“M-m-m-monster!” yelled the second. “Dragon! Demon! Vampire! Feet!” He hiccupped, then burped loudly.
All at once?
“It, like, is gonna totally kill us, and, like, drink our blood!” wailed the third. “I, like, don’t wanna be a hero anymore, I want my mommyyyyyyy!”
Laska : Can't keep their liquor. *sighs* Amateurs...
Zaerini smiled to herself, but chose to drop the subject. “Want to search the cave?” she asked. “It’s way too small for a dragon, at least. And I think a demon or vampire would have torn those kids to shreds long since. But there might be something interesting back there. And if there isn’t, we can always go back to what we were doing…”
Maybe... it's... AUDREY!
Yeah, the film was on again, last week.
“Of course. Now, naturally I, being such a skilled dragon hunter, could easily bring one down, but I would not wish you to be in any way distracted from my erotic onslaught, after all.”
Skilled dragon hunter, ey? Hm-hmm...
The wizard and the bard looked at each other, then back at the trunk, then back at each other again. “Eddie, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“That all that gold could buy me a robe magnificent enough to utterly blind anybody watching it?”
Arrogance, Malf... Err, I mean, Odesseiron.
“Ha!” Edwin triumphantly called out. “No mere portable luggage device, no matter how sentient, is a match for this wizard! Now, you ugly wooden monstrosity, prepare to meet your doom!”
OMG, Luggage has gone psycho! Where's Rincewind when you need him?
“Whereas,” Edwin blithely suggested, “a well-aimed fireball, courtesy of the mightiest wizard in the world, certainly would. Also, you want to get yourself some proper footwear, creature. Your feet are altogether olfactorially offensive. In other words, they are as pungent as a corpse left lying inside a dank cave for a week or so. Of course, in your case, it will soon be difficult to tell the difference.”
Aww, poor thing.
And inside the cave, the Mimic, now turned right side up, huddled in a corner, peevishly thinking to itself that it really preferred its wizards to be more timid. Seeing that it had failed so abominably at being a terrifying monster, it went on to start a new career, renting itself out as traveling luggage for people in need of personal protection, and became a valued and respected member of society, traveling far and wide and having many strange adventures.
But that, of course, is another story entirely.
I dig it.
Posted 13 May 2005 - 07:40 PM
LOL! Now imagine if they met...who would attack whom first?
0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users