Cards Reshuffled 242 – Rose
In show business, always look for the edge over your competition. You want to be the best, then you need to hire the best, and treat them well. If you don’t, it’s bound to come back to bite you in the rear sooner or later. Possibly even in the front.
Excerpt from ‘Ruminations Of A Master Bard’
This new job was proving quite interesting, Viconia thought. She had always been interested in art, and though she had previously mainly appreciated painting and exquisite sculptures, this theatre business did have a certain something to it. There was a…glamour to it that fascinated her, the art of pretending things were what they were not. Like myself.
She didn’t need to wear her hooded cloak while within the theatre though, and that was a great advantage in itself. Zaerini had made it very clear to everybody concerned that Viconia was working for her, and was not to be interfered with in any way. Not that I cannot defend myself of course. But it is nice not to have to do it all the time.
So far, she hadn’t needed to do much actual work, since Higgold handled the regular daily running of the theatre. While Zaerini did want to make most of the major creative decisions herself though, she had said that she trusted Viconia to use her own judgment, if it should be necessary to deal with something in her absence. Such as this.
Viconia leaned back in her chair, her eyes narrowing as she idly toyed with a strand of her long white hair. Up on the stage were two females, the remaining two of the group of a dozen or so who had come to try out for the part of the female lead. The Sorcerer’s Bane…interesting. She had only a vague idea what the play was supposed to be about, but was hoping for some fascinating torture scene relevant to the title. Dismembered sorcerers, perhaps. The female lead now, was supposed to be a wandering young girl, naïve enough to ‘fall in love’ as these rivvil seemed so fond of putting it, but yet with spirit and passion. Now let me see…which one looks most likely to fit the part?
One of the women was really little more than a girl, her blue eyes very large and nervous as she looked back at Viconia. She was even wringing her hands a little. The other one was an elf, with honey-colored hair and unusually dark brown eyes. That one looked far more composed, and coolly met Viconia’s gaze.
Higgold cleared his throat. “Mistress Viconia?” he said. “We really need to decide now…we need to pick our Karenina so rehearsals can get started.”
“Oh, very well,” Viconia said, waving him aside. “Though I think they both seem rather insipid…and the play could do with some spicing up. Tell me ladies, what would your reply be if I suggested we change things around? We could create what I like to call a…Reality Play. Erect a few magical barriers around you on stage so you can’t get off, then let the cast live there for a few weeks.” She smirked. “Last one alive gets to leave. Think you could do that?”
At that, the human girl squeaked, and ran off stage, looking rather pale. The elf remained, sticking her nose into the air. “I do not appreciate your jest, Drow. Will you give me the recognition I deserve, including the extra large billing, the fresh roses in my dressing room, the red jelly bears picked out of the bowl I need every hour, the bottled Rippling Rasheman water, and calling me ‘Divine One’?”
Viconia chuckled. “I could manage the red jelly of your liver picked out of you every hour, and regenerating it in-between, what do you say to that, darthir? Not to mention that the only ‘Divine One’ here is myself. Off with you, you annoy me.”
The elf sniffed, and stalked away, but not without a somewhat anxious look in Viconia’s direction. Higgold sighed deeply, and put his head in his hands. “Mistress Viconia, please!” he pleaded. “I am running out of prospective actresses.”
Viconia shrugged. “None of them have been even remotely suitable,” she said. “They are either stupid, boring, or both. None of them suit the part. I will settle for nothing but the best, do you hear me?”
“Ha! The best is sadly far beyond you, woman!” The triumphant voice came from near the doorway, and sounded rather squeaky. Viconia turned her head in that direction, and then sighed. There was a runty little halfling standing in the aisle leading from the main door, and his smirk went pretty much from one ear to the other. He was wearing a shirt that yawned open all the way to his navel and his right arm was placed around the waist of a pretty, red-headed half-elven woman, who was wearing a clinging blue dress with an impressive cleavage. Her good looks were marred by the vacant, glassy look in her dark blue eyes though.
“What do you want, Parsley?” Viconia asked, yawning. “Come to ask me help you count your chest hairs?”
“NO! I know exactly how many I have, thank you! Five of them, and all very…er…actually I’ve…I’ve got a bloody carpet of them, so there!”
“That does sound appropriate,” Viconia agreed. “You would make a far better rug than you would a playwright, director, or lover. How much did you pay that female in order to let you touch her, I wonder?”
Ashley Parsely sneered, and his hand moved from the woman’s waist and downwards, patting her with a proprietary air. The woman didn’t so much as blink. “Not a single gold piece, you Drow slut! Dear Rose adores me, as does any woman with taste. Don’t you, Rosie?
“Yesssss…” the redhead slurred. “Adore…youuuu…”
“Go on, Rosie, say the words. What am I like?”
“Ooooh…Ashley…you’re so handsome, so clever…so manly…so creative…best playwright in the world…the Stage Sage…and you’re soooooo HOT!”
“That’s right!” Ashley Parsley confirmed, and then giggled in a rather disturbing manner. “Rose is going to be my new star – in fact, I think I’ll let her perform for you, just this once, so you’ll know how outclassed you lot are. Rosie, sing for us. In fact, I’ll join you…show them my own sterling skill.”
The half-elf opened her mouth, and then started to sing, strutting back and forth down the aisle as she did so. Parsley began though, stroking his own chest and wriggling his hips in Viconia’s direction. Probably he meant to look seductive.
“Body…wanna feel my body!
Body…such a thrill, my body!
Body…wanna touch my body!
Body…it’s too much, my body!
Check it out, my body, body!
Don't you doubt my body, body.
talkin' bout my body, body,
check it out my body!”
Here Rose cut in, singing in perfect tune, but still with that blank, doll-like look in her eyes.
“Every man wants to be an Ashley Parsley man,
To have that kind of body, always in demand.
Creating in the mornings, go man go.
Smears me down with syrup, watch him grow.
You can best believe that, he’s a perfect man,
Ready for some groping, of anyone he can.
Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Ashley Parsley man!
He’s got to be the perfect man.
Ashley Parsley man!
How did he get so perfect?”
And Parsley took over again, presumably mistaking Viconia’s horrified silence for silent adoration, for he now undulated over towards her, waggling his eyebrows as he thrust his groin practically in her face.
“Courting…it’s so hot my courting!
Courting…love to spread my courting!
Courting…sure to please, my courting!
Courting…don’t dare tease my courting!
Courting…you’ll adore my courting!
Courting…come explore my courting!
Courting…made by Gods, my courting!
Courting…it’s so good my courting!”
And once again Rose, with a stiff smile on her face that reminded Viconia a little of a scream.
“You will know the Stage Sage, by his sexy rump,
His rapier wit and insight, make us wanna hump,
Theatrical brilliance, he’s a god,
Call him Mister Stage Sage, dig his bod,
You can best believe, he’s an Ashley Parsley man,
Meant to be the leader, in every way he can.
Hey! Hey! Hey, hey…”
And there, the spell that Viconia had quietly been preparing hit the singing half-elf, enveloping her in a brief, white glow. She broke off in mid note, gaped, and then her face contorted with fury. “What…PARSLEY! YOU DISGUSTING, CREEPY, FILTHY LITTLE PERVERT! HOW DARE YOU PUT A DOMINATION SPELL ON ME LIKE THAT AND MAKE ME PERFORM YOUR STUPID SONGS TO YOURSELF…NOT TO MENTION GROPE ME! YOU ARE SO LUCKY THAT YOU COULDN’T MANAGE MORE THAN GROPING, OR YOU’D BE WEARING YOUR BOLLOCKS FOR EARSTUDS!”
The halfling’s eyes went very wide, and his mouth opened briefly. “Eeep…” he said. Then he took off in a full run down the aisle, only narrowly managing to dodge the fake throwing axe that the enraged half-elf hurled after him.
“And another thing!” Rose screamed at the top of her voice. “You’re banned from contacting any of the girls, and you know it. We don’t want any of your diseases, thanks, and even if we’re working girls none of us really wanna do that gross thing you fancy where we dress up in your clothes, so you can pretend to boink yourself!”
The door slammed shut, but not before Viconia could hear a despairing wail disappearing in the distance. “I take it you appreciated the Dispel Magic spell?” she politely inquired.
“Oh, did I ever,” the half-elf said, wiping her sweaty forehead before she shook Viconia’s hand. “That disgusting bastard…I’d never touch him, and he knows it. So he put a spell on me to have me be his mindless Parsley Girl or something. It’d be sad if it wasn’t so creepy. Name’s Rose, by the way. You’ve probably seen me around – I’m a streetwalker, don’t pretend to be otherwise, but I’d rather be a streetwalker than a Parsley Girl, thanks.”
“Understandable,” Viconia agreed, pursing her lips in thought. The redhead was attractive…and energetic. “I have met a few repulsive males during my time on the surface, but that one is something special.”
“So,” Rose said, smiling. “Anything I can do for my rescuer?”
And there it was. Well, well. Let’s see if we can’t make Parsely’s day just a little bit more miserable, and gain an asset at the same time. “Actually,” Viconia purred, “There is something. Tell me, did you ever think about joining the theatre – for real?”
Rose’s eager face was all the reply necessary.
