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Party of Annoyance


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#1 Weyoun

Posted 25 September 2004 - 10:44 PM

Just a short piece I whipped up in 20 minutes. Hope you like it. :roll:

 
Party of Annoyance
Or : How making the wrong choice in friends can seriously bollocks up your destiny


"Feel my amazing brain! Go on, touch it!" the prattling gnome challenge. The brooding forest Ranger Kivan, however, did not even bother to respond... Then again, Kivan rarely responded to anything. It was even doubtful he'd respond to being on fire.

"By Tempus' shield!" Branwen announced. "'Tis good to be among such stronge warriors!" she grinned, speaking in a thick nothren accent.

"Aye, we be bloody knowin' that, ye goldless moron!" Kagain snarled. "Ye be tellin' us tha over and over and over for the past bloody weeks. If it weren't fer yer golden 'air, we be givin' ye the boot already, ye daft lass!"

"Who are you calling daft!" Branwen challenged, raising her war-hammer high into the sky. "What does daft mean?"

"It be meanin' ye!" Kagain replied. "Ye gold-costing, useless non-gold finding party-member, ye!"

"By Helm, sir Dwarf," the stiff-necked paladin Ajantis replied. "You should not see everything in terms of gold. Honor, loyalty and submission to all things law are so much more valuable. You should strive for a stainless soul, and smite those whose soul has even the tiniest of specks!"

"A stainless soul in an empty sack be worth the sack!" Kagain retorted.

"I would not say that," Quayle said. "Certain liches would pay handsomely for a stainless soul. Good spell component. How do I know that? Well, I just retrieved the information from my amazing brain, super super smart!"

"BE that true," Kagain said, seemingly sizing up Ajantis. "Do we know any liches?"

"I surely hope not, sir Dwarf," Ajantis said. "Smite by association!"

"Hm, do souls go by pound?" Kagain blinked.

"Say, where did Laska go?" Kivan broke in. "She said she'd go to get some wood for the fire."

"That was two days ago," Quayle replied. "Was it?"

"Some brain you have," Branwen replied. "She left two days ago. So, we've been bickering here for two days."

"I'd better be checkin' her tent," Kagain said and slipped into Laska's tent. The camp was on the side of the road, several hapzardly positioned tents (some with burn-marks) sat around an empty firepit.

Soon enough, the dwarf came out again. Tears were running over the dwarf's cheek. "She... SHE'S GONE!" he said and handed Branwen a note.

"This is Laska's terrible handwriting," she replied.

"What does it say?" Ajantis asked.

"I dunno," she squinted and held the paper close to her eyes. "I think it says 'Booger euff, you sag anniying winkers.' I wonder what that means."

"She's buggered off!" Kagain cried. "I can't believe she buggered off."

"Why are you so sad?" Kivan snarled. "I thought you hated elves."

"SHE TOOK ALL THE BLOODY MONEY!!!!"

---

Epilogue : After Laska left the party, she headed north to the savage lands to make her fortune and find adventure, only to return to Candlekeep to pick up her sister Imoen after war broke out between Amn and Baldur's Gate. Together with a female Drow cleric they picked up along the road, they formed the girl-band Screaming Banshees and became all the rage amoung the young Realmsian teenagers until Laska left the band 5 years later due to creative differences.

Once again travelling the remains of the war-ravaged Sword Coast, Laska did some odd jobs here and there, finally settling for a career in female-female oil-wrestling. After a long successful career, she retired from the grand old sport (much to the disappointment of her fans and co-wrestlers) to travel once more.

Eventually, she opened a tavern, but sadly drank herself out of business, setting her once again on the path of adventure. Some of her exploits were causing the collision of two red dragons in mid-flight, which was right before she snuck into the Caliph of Calimsham's harem and remained there for 6 months, making full use of the girl's talents as much as possible.

In the end, Laska lost her life at the young age of 200, trying to make love to a girlfriend-of-the-day while riding a horse in full gallop. And so her freed spirit shot towards Arvandor, never knowing of her heritage or her true destiny. But, to be honest, due to the amount of sex, fun and booze she had had in her relatively short life, she didn't really care.
 

And there it is : How the wrong choice of companion can really bollocks up your fate. :lol:

---Weyoun
TnT Enhanced Edition: http://www.fanfictio...rds-and-Tempers

---
Sith Warrior - Master, I can sense your anger.

Darth Baras - A blind, comotose lobotomy-patient could sense my anger!

---

"The New Age? It's just the old age stuck in a microwave oven for fifteen seconds" - James Randi

#2 Guest_Userunfriendly_*

Posted 25 September 2004 - 11:12 PM

Just a short piece I whipped up in 20 minutes. Hope you like it. :)


I did!!! :lol:

 
Party of Annoyance
Or : How making the wrong choice in friends can seriously bollocks up your destiny


"Quotes from a drunken elf?"

I thought for a second this was a laufey story, with a quote from a master bard... :roll: :lol: :lol:

"I would not say that," Quayle said. "Certain liches would pay handsomely for a stainless soul. Good spell component. How do I know that? Well, I just retrieved the information from my amazing brain, super super smart!"


oh dear god...and i thought jan was bad...

"I surely hope not, sir Dwarf," Ajantis said. "Smite by association!"


:roll: :roll: :roll:

"Some brain you have," Branwen replied. "She left two days ago. So, we've been bickering here for two days."


oh dear god... :roll:

"I dunno," she squinted and held the paper close to her eyes. "I think it says 'Booger euff, you sag anniying winkers.' I wonder what that means."


that's our laska, all right...handwriting to shame a kindergardener... :roll:

Epilogue : After Laska left the party, she headed north to the savage lands to make her fortune and find adventure, only to return to Candlekeep to pick up her sister Imoen after war broke out between Amn and Baldur's Gate. Together with a female Drow cleric they picked up along the road, they formed the girl-band Screaming Banshees and became all the rage amoung the young Realmsian teenagers until Laska left the band 5 years later due to creative differences.


fans: WE WANT MORE KISSING ON STAGE!!!
laska: BUGGER OFF!!! Viccy is going out with my sis, and there's no way i'm kissing imoen!!!
viccy: I certainly don't have any problem with that request...right, Immy, Wimmy, cutesy poo...
Imoen: Right, viccy, wiccy huggy baby!
Laska: Right, take care, be well, I'm off now...i mean the thought of kissing imoen is nothing compared to listening to the two of you for more than a bleeding minute...

Once again travelling the remains of the war-ravaged Sword Coast, Laska did some odd jobs here and there, finally settling for a career in female-female oil-wrestling. After a long successful career, she retired from the grand old sport (much to the disappointment of her fans and co-wrestlers) to travel once more.


announcer: AND NOW, LADIES, GENTLEMEN AND DEMIHUMANS!!! THE MASKED RAVAGER!!!

opponent: Oh please, oh please, be gentle with me...(trembling visibly in a frilly pink wrestling costume)

masked ravager (Laska): Muwhahahahhahahahahhahah!!!

(after the match) spectator 1: Hey, that was such a great match...urm...who won?

spectator 2: Who cares? :lol:

Eventually, she opened a tavern, but sadly drank herself out of business, setting her once again on the path of adventure. Some of her exploits were causing the collision of two red dragons in mid-flight, which was right before she snuck into the Caliph of Calimsham's harem and remained there for 6 months, making full use of the girl's talents as much as possible.


head eununch: and she put all the girls in traction for 3 months!!!!

girls in traction: OH YES!!! *passionate sigh*

:roll: :roll: :roll:

In the end, Laska lost her life at the young age of 200, trying to make love to a girlfriend-of-the-day while riding a horse in full gallop. And so her freed spirit shot towards Arvandor, never knowing of her heritage or her true destiny. But, to be honest, due to the amount of sex, fun and booze she had had in her relatively short life, she didn't really care.
 


and frankly, who would?

And there it is : How the wrong choice of companion can really bollocks up your fate. :D


---Weyoun


YAY!!! Much fun... :) :? :D :D :wink:

urm...did you read mine in this quiz?? :)

#3 Guest_Clight_*

Posted 26 September 2004 - 10:44 AM

Heh. :P The problem is, you can't help coming up with a party at least this bad in BG1. These were almost some of the less neurotic characters.

#4 Guest_Theodur_*

Posted 26 September 2004 - 01:26 PM

Party of Annoyance
Or : How making the wrong choice in friends can seriously bollocks up your destiny


What do you mean by that? I think that in this AU Laska ended up a lot happier when compared to all the angst and suffering she’s gone through in TnT! :P

"Feel my amazing brain! Go on, touch it!" the prattling gnome challenge. The brooding forest Ranger Kivan, however, did not even bother to respond... Then again, Kivan rarely responded to anything. It was even doubtful he'd respond to being on fire.


I would actually be able to come up with at least two Parties of Pain from the BG1 NPC’s. There were so many of annoying characters there. None less so than Quayle, and the vengeance-obsessed grunt was not much better.

"By Tempus' shield!" Branwen announced. "'Tis good to be among such stronge warriors!" she grinned, speaking in a thick nothren accent.


She’s definitely in my Party of Pain. Why did Laska ever reverse that petrification?

"Aye, we be bloody knowin' that, ye goldless moron!" Kagain snarled. "Ye be tellin' us tha over and over and over for the past bloody weeks. If it weren't fer yer golden 'air, we be givin' ye the boot already, ye daft lass!"


I don’t find Kagain particularly annoying. Single-minded, yeah… but he cares for good things. Money and ale… mhhh-hmmm!!

"By Helm, sir Dwarf," the stiff-necked paladin Ajantis replied. "You should not see everything in terms of gold. Honor, loyalty and submission to all things law are so much more valuable. You should strive for a stainless soul, and smite those whose soul has even the tiniest of specks!"


Let’s not even speak about Ajantis, shall we? Eghh… :P

"I would not say that," Quayle said. "Certain liches would pay handsomely for a stainless soul. Good spell component. How do I know that? Well, I just retrieved the information from my amazing brain, super super smart!"


Can I retrieve his brain and make him play ‘fetch the brain’ with it?

"I dunno," she squinted and held the paper close to her eyes. "I think it says 'Booger euff, you sag anniying winkers.' I wonder what that means."


Yes, well it is hard to understand. Now let me see… Laska and these five sad souls. Let me just think about character compatibility – she’d probably boff both Branwen and Kivan, even if she didn’t like them much. I’d expect her to like Kagain a lot. I’d expect her to toss Ajantis in the ankheg pit immediately – and same deal with throwing Quayle into the River Chionthar a minute after his joining the party.

"Why are you so sad?" Kivan snarled. "I thought you hated elves."


"SHE TOOK ALL THE BLOODY MONEY!!!!"


Well… that would make a dwarf cry, yes. :P

Epilogue : After Laska left the party, she headed north to the savage lands to make her fortune and find adventure, only to return to Candlekeep to pick up her sister Imoen after war broke out between Amn and Baldur's Gate. Together with a female Drow cleric they picked up along the road, they formed the girl-band Screaming Banshees and became all the rage amoung the young Realmsian teenagers until Laska left the band 5 years later due to creative differences.


Egh. I’d say she left the band 5 years later than I hoped she would. :D

Once again travelling the remains of the war-ravaged Sword Coast, Laska did some odd jobs here and there, finally settling for a career in female-female oil-wrestling. After a long successful career, she retired from the grand old sport (much to the disappointment of her fans and co-wrestlers) to travel once more.


What made her leave? It looks like something that could keep Laska’s attention indefinitely. :P

Eventually, she opened a tavern, but sadly drank herself out of business, setting her once again on the path of adventure. Some of her exploits were causing the collision of two red dragons in mid-flight, which was right before she snuck into the Caliph of Calimsham's harem and remained there for 6 months, making full use of the girl's talents as much as possible.


That’s definitely in character. :D

In the end, Laska lost her life at the young age of 200, trying to make love to a girlfriend-of-the-day while riding a horse in full gallop. And so her freed spirit shot towards Arvandor, never knowing of her heritage or her true destiny. But, to be honest, due to the amount of sex, fun and booze she had had in her relatively short life, she didn't really care.


Well, she certainly left her mark upon this world. Alone the legends of her sexual exploits are worth something. A fulfilling, profound way to spend a life, truly it is. :D

#5 Weyoun

Posted 26 September 2004 - 10:48 PM

I did!!! :D


Goody...

"Quotes from a drunken elf?"


Laska : Only semi-drunk! Only 6 ales in the evening.

oh dear god...and i thought jan was bad...


Jan's not that bad... just excentric. :D

oh dear god... :D


Well, what did you expect? :D

that's our laska, all right...handwriting to shame a kindergardener... :D


Laska : Pfft, writing is overrated. :D

fans: WE WANT MORE KISSING ON STAGE!!!
laska: BUGGER OFF!!! Viccy is going out with my sis, and there's no way i'm kissing imoen!!!
viccy: I certainly don't have any problem with that request...right, Immy, Wimmy, cutesy poo...
Imoen: Right, viccy, wiccy huggy baby!
Laska: Right, take care, be well, I'm off now...i mean the thought of kissing imoen is nothing compared to listening to the two of you for more than a bleeding minute...


ROTFL! That's about the size of it. :D

announcer: AND NOW, LADIES, GENTLEMEN AND DEMIHUMANS!!! THE MASKED RAVAGER!!!


opponent: Oh please, oh please, be gentle with me...(trembling visibly in a frilly pink wrestling costume)


masked ravager (Laska): Muwhahahahhahahahahhahah!!!


(after the match) spectator 1: Hey, that was such a great match...urm...who won?


spectator 2: Who cares? :?


LOL! Again, that's about the size of it. :D With no acting and more hurting from Laska's side, though. :D

head eununch: and she put all the girls in traction for 3 months!!!!


girls in traction: OH YES!!! *passionate sigh*


:P :D :D


;)

YAY!!! Much fun... :D :D :D :P :D


urm...did you read mine in this quiz?? :D


I did now. Never put Mazzy on a bar again, please. :D

---Weyoun
TnT Enhanced Edition: http://www.fanfictio...rds-and-Tempers

---
Sith Warrior - Master, I can sense your anger.

Darth Baras - A blind, comotose lobotomy-patient could sense my anger!

---

"The New Age? It's just the old age stuck in a microwave oven for fifteen seconds" - James Randi

#6 Weyoun

Posted 26 September 2004 - 10:49 PM

Heh. :? The problem is, you can't help coming up with a party at least this bad in BG1. These were almost some of the less neurotic characters.


LOL! Good point indeed, but many, many chances of annoyances in this party, I feel. ;)

---Weyoun
TnT Enhanced Edition: http://www.fanfictio...rds-and-Tempers

---
Sith Warrior - Master, I can sense your anger.

Darth Baras - A blind, comotose lobotomy-patient could sense my anger!

---

"The New Age? It's just the old age stuck in a microwave oven for fifteen seconds" - James Randi

#7 Weyoun

Posted 26 September 2004 - 10:54 PM

What do you mean by that? I think that in this AU Laska ended up a lot happier when compared to all the angst and suffering she’s gone through in TnT! ;)


LOL! Exactly. But at least she's having an adventure. :D

I would actually be able to come up with at least two Parties of Pain from the BG1 NPC’s. There were so many of annoying characters there. None less so than Quayle, and the vengeance-obsessed grunt was not much better.


There were a few good NPC's, though. most were, um, excentric, though. :D

She’s definitely in my Party of Pain. Why did Laska ever reverse that petrification?


Well, she didn't know yet. :D

I don’t find Kagain particularly annoying. Single-minded, yeah… but he cares for good things. Money and ale… mhhh-hmmm!!


I needed a voice of reason for this party, at least. Kagain fit the bill somewhat. :P

Let’s not even speak about Ajantis, shall we? Eghh… :D


I hate him the most. :D

Yes, well it is hard to understand. Now let me see… Laska and these five sad souls. Let me just think about character compatibility – she’d probably boff both Branwen and Kivan, even if she didn’t like them much.


Don't bet on it. Even she has her limits. :P

I’d expect her to like Kagain a lot. I’d expect her to toss Ajantis in the ankheg pit immediately – and same deal with throwing Quayle into the River Chionthar a minute after his joining the party.


Pretty much correct here, though. :D

Well… that would make a dwarf cry, yes. :D


:D

Egh. I’d say she left the band 5 years later than I hoped she would. :D


I surprised she lasted 5 year with her short attentionspan.

What made her leave? It looks like something that could keep Laska’s attention indefinitely. :D


Well, this is the less mature Bg1 version of Laska. The public here only saw glimpses of her, but I'll be doing the prequel one day. :D And, yes, Laska was even less mature than she is now.

That’s definitely in character. :D


:?

Well, she certainly left her mark upon this world. Alone the legends of her sexual exploits are worth something. A fulfilling, profound way to spend a life, truly it is. :D


LOL! Oh, it was. Well just have to forget about the war ravaging the entirity of the Sword Coast anyway.

---Weyoun
TnT Enhanced Edition: http://www.fanfictio...rds-and-Tempers

---
Sith Warrior - Master, I can sense your anger.

Darth Baras - A blind, comotose lobotomy-patient could sense my anger!

---

"The New Age? It's just the old age stuck in a microwave oven for fifteen seconds" - James Randi




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