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Concerned Moms 4


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#1 Laufey

Posted 18 January 2003 - 03:47 PM

From: Thayvian matriarch < RedLady@thayvianconquerors.com >
To: Dark elven mother < DuskyVixxen@Amnnet.org >
Subject: Concerned moms

Thank you for your kind words. It seems you understand about the perils of magical accidents, what with your sister-in-law and everything. And yes, my baby is indeed very powerful and has always been so. He gets it from both myself and his father actually. Would you know, that once, when he was still in diapers, he got hold of a Monster Summoning wand that I thought I had hidden safely out on reach on top of a tall cabinet, and decided to play with it? There were hundreds of little goblins everywhere I tell you, and they weren't housebroken either...

I'm afraid my cooking skill probably aren't much better than those of your sister-in-law. One of the drawbacks of a noble upbringing. I always seem to end up burning things when I do try.

Here is the attachment with the tracking and disabling spell I mentioned, and I hope you will find it useful! Why, only today it disintegrated three spammers for me...revenge is *so* sweet.

Yours truly,

Thayvian Matriarch

P.S. Today I found a site that claimed to be able to 'read my aura's color'. And surprise of all surprise, it told my that my aura was *red* and that 'Red is the color of blood and fury, the color of Evil'. Well duh. I think I'll pay a visit to that 'Glorious Galvarey' character who runs the site and let him know just what I think about him wasting my time like that...

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From: Dark elven mother < DuskyVixxen@Amnnet.org >
To: Thayvian matriarch < RedLady@thayvianconquerors.com >
Subject: Concerned moms

Ha, you should have seen ME some time ago when I tried to bake my daughter a pie. Explosions galore! :D

Your son is in the adventuring profession, just as my daughter is. Are you not constantly worried about his safety? I have tried to persuade my eldest daughter to become a local ranger, not a travelling one. I could have tried harder to have her stay at home, but she simply wanted to see the world... So, she left. But now, she's formed her own party of capable adventurers who watch each other's backs and she's living at home once again, using our Keep as a base of operations. Though I dare not say how long this arrangement will last.

I'm sorry to hear about your goblin-troubles. My eldest always brought home the strangest of animals. Squirrels, cats, extra-planar meat-eating horses...

I did the test as well, after looking up the site. Apparently, my Aura was black. 'Black like the void! Or shadows! Or death!'. Well, that was a waste of valuable webspace. Hmmm, I wonder if that lovely program you sent me works on annoying gits as well. *evil grin* Thanks for sending it, btw. Let me repay the favor. I encountered this lovely little program which can give a low-level, yet painful shock to everyone who wants to use the crystal ball without permission.

Yours sincerely,
Dark Elven Mother

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From: Thayvian matriarch < RedLady@thayvianconquerors.com >
To: Dark elven mother < DuskyVixxen@Amnnet.org >
Subject: Concerned moms

Oh yes, I worry constantly over my baby's safety. Is he eating well? Is he getting enough sleep? Does he remember to wear warm socks when it's cold out? Are his friends tricking my innocent little boy into going into any seedy taverns and drinking too much? Do they know how to keep him from kicking a dragon on the nose to see what happens? The usual things. *sigh*

He has taken up with a very mixed group of people it seems, and that *girl* is one of them. Hm, I think I'm going to have to have a word with her soon. True, my lover seems to approve of her, and normally I trust his judgment implicitly, but this is one of those situations where I simply *have* to check it myself.

Thank you for the helpful program, it has been useful already! It electrocuted my head housemaid, so now I know who's been sneaking in to use my Crystal Ball when I wasn't in the room. Problem solved. I think I may go with golems from now on. Or maybe not. They are terribly hard on the furniture.

A really amusing thing happened this morning when a wandering Inquisitor knocked on the door to the Mansion. Apparently he wanted me to 'Repent or be Destroyed.' Not sure exactly *what* he wanted me to repent, but he seemed very enthusiastic about the idea. Well, I wouldn't stand for it, but as I shut the door he stuck his foot in it, thinking to push his way inside.

That was when our new Home Defense system activated, or the first part of it anyway. The foot got inside, but the man and the bleeding stump remained outside. Then it was easy to finish him off with a Horrid Wilting. *sigh* It is very useful to have a lover who's handy with traps...

Cackling Evilly,

Thayvian Matriarch

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From: Dark elven mother < DuskyVixxen@Amnnet.org >
To: Thayvian matriarch < RedLady@thayvianconquerors.com >
Subject: Concerned moms

*chuckle* Oh, dear. I see you are having trouble with paladins as well? Some fools take offense to having Drow living in any place than the slums, and send over their enforcers to deal with them. Now, I don't know what drives them to do that, since it has become well known that I am one of the most powerful clerics in Toril, but they STILL keep trying. When my eldest was young, some of those tinplated buffoons interrupted me when I was playing with her. Well, I played the helpless maiden for a few minutes, buying my child time to escape to the keep (after convincing her to leave in the first place. The sweet thing wanted to stay and defend her mother.), my demeanor changed.... and I proceeded to blast them all into oblivion.

Then there was an incident with a tinplated fool who wanted to be sneaky and tried to enter the keep through the chimney in the kitchen. Unfortunately, there's a barred grate above the stove. You should have heard my cook's shouts of surprise when she wanted to cook breakfast and found two armored legs sticking out above the stove. It was easy to dislodge him, though... You see, a firestorm cast right under him created quite a bit of air-pressure. He was launched from the Chimney, and after some looking around, we found him hanging upside down from a tree... Quite dead, really. Apparently the armor-polish had run out all over his exposed kind and it... kind of worked like cooking butter in the warm sun...

And, yes, I commend you for wanted to check things out by myself. So far, I'm very satisfied with my eldest choice of companions, even though there is a Jansen among them. Say, are there any Jansens in Thay as well? They seem to be everywhere...

And I also share your opinion that you can't find good help anywhere there days. Why, just yesterday I found one of the guards using my crystal ball to look at the All-Nude ELVEZ webpages. My lover is too forgiving, though. He let her off with a warning. I still think she should have been fired. Hmmm, I hear queen Ellesime is still hunting down the humans who have been taking pictures of her while she was in the changing booth...

Yours Truly,

Dark Elven Mother

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From: Thayvian matriarch < RedLady@thayvianconquerors.com >
To: Dark elven mother < DuskyVixxen@Amnnet.org >
Subject: Concerned moms

My dear, obnoxious paladins of the worst kind seem to be *everywhere* these days, much like the other types of common vermin. Only yesterday my lover remarked that if the gods were suddenly to let their collected wrath loose on Toril, once the smoke cleared there would only be a rare few lifeforms left. Rats, cockroaches, and one lone steel-encased fanatic wandering around the blighted wilderness feeling very pleased that no Evil remained in the world. They are usually rarer here in Thay than over your way, but they are still annoying.

However, the other day I captured one alive as he pounded on the door and demanded to be let in to 'kill all the Evil Wizards within'. Well, let's just say that he went in, but he never went out. I now have a nice suit of shining armor decorating the Long Hallway and the new creature I have been building in my laboratory will have food for the next few days...

The 'Jansen Magical Mayhem' emporium has indeed spread even here. Worse, they've branched out and are now selling their lethal contraptions via the Crystal Ball network. Unfortunately, my lover is quite taken with them and has been ordering one after the other, and even gone to see the owner himself to have some custom-made items done. Weapons that transform into other weapons, poisoned quills, boots that can let loose stunning gas...you name it.

So far they actually all seem to work, but I have the constant feeling that something is going to explode. Not that I want to deny my lover his pleasures, but I *don't* want my son to accidentally get his hands on one of those things. I've only just rebuilt the wall in the Portrait Gallery since his last visit.

That bit about Ellesime was extremely amusing. :D Did you know that there's also a certain new tell-all novel coming out next month about her secret love-life? 'My Life With The Bitch Queen' it's called, by a certain 'Johny Lethal'. Sounds like a pseudonym to me. There's going to be an atrocious scandal of course, but the book may be an entertaining read. I believe I shall have to acquire it.

*still chuckling about the flying paladin*

Thayvian Matriarch

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From: Dark elven mother < DuskyVixxen@Amnnet.org >
To: Thayvian matriarch < RedLady@thayvianconquerors.com >
Subject: Concerned moms

Ah, I see you are dabbling in the underrated art of home-made beings. Don't you have any trouble finding the right amount of bodyparts? Of course, Thay is reknowned for the many magic-shops. Brrr, that reminds me. A travelling mage from Thay tried to dissect my daughter when she visited Sembia, and harvest all her parts and organs for spell-components. I hope you didn't know him, because he is quite incinerated right now...

Still, I'm often amazed how audacious wizards can be. There's a well known story from Menzoberranzan, in which a wizard actually sneaking into the bedroom of then Matron Mother of House Fey'Blanche. Now, if he was looking for spell components, he could have just nabbed a slave or a commoner, but no, he wanted the best of the best... And he paid for his arrogance. Of course he was discovered... it took him six weeks to die, or so the story goes. There is something to be said for magic going to someone's head in some cases.

In any case, everybody needs a hobby. I am an avid collector of art in all its forms, mostly dark themed. Tapestries, vases, paintings, but mostly sculptures make up most of my collection. I've set up quite a network and have pieces from all over the Realms...

Ah, I hear you have Jansen-troubles in Thay as well. :D Well, I used to travel with one for a long time, and he was like an uncle to my children in the end. I rather like him (but NEVER tell him I said that). Say, I can ask him to spread the word, so that your lover drops the name 'Jan Jansen', he'll get a significant discount on all his purchases.

And I'll definitely be reading that biography... I hear the entire Elven nation is looking forward to reading it. She's not that popular among elves not from Suldenesselar, I hear. There is this rumor that the high-ups on Evermeet want her replaced and tranferred to a remote outpost near the Auronach dessert. Looks like she royally ticked off somebody, don't you think?

Yours sincerely,
Dark Elven Mother
Rogues do it from behind.




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