To : Thayvian matriarch < RedLady@thayvianconquerors.com >
Subject : Concerned moms
Wonderful to hear from you again.
Technique 33 B is a good one, though it is difficult to find a Rothe-skin rug on the surface. I guess a bear-skin COULD be used, but it just isn't the same. Oh, and you can find the spell you need to transform you into an eight-legged humanoid in the Appendix. Now, you being a powerful wizard, I probably don't have to tell you, but do read that spell carefully and cast it properly. There are plenty of cases known about a couple so, ahum, eager to get started, only to find out after the act that their eight-leggedness was now a permanent state of being. So be careful, still...
Here is the picture of the pet Lim-Lim you wanted to see. In the picture, Limmy (for that is the, ahum, original name she made up for her pet), is sitting on top of the head of my eldest, here being seven years old. Limmy is actually a very strong Lim-Lim, and is apparently a descendant of a Lim-Lim mutated by powerful magics, so that's why he's still with us today, and will probably even out-live me.
And, oh, your son looks so cute and docile. Just like a tiny male should look like. Though I bet he was quite a bit wilder than he seems in the picture, of course. And the teddy-bear, lovely. My eldest has had this old plush dragon called 'Mr. Wiggles', which she still has stuffed in a corner of her Bag of Holding. Kids...
As for boys and their girlfriends, well, I've experienced that boys have trouble discussing intimate matters as well as their girlfriends with their mothers. Just the other day, I started a normal conversation to make sure my son and his girlfriend were using the correct contraceptives whenever they shared a bed together. Just a simple, everyday question for a Drow, and I was just making sure the girl wouldn't stand on his doorstep with a half-drow baby one day. Instead of heeding my advice, his face flushed, he started to stutter and eventually ran out the room!
Males...
Yours sincerely,
Dark Elven mother
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From: Thayvian matriarch < RedLady@thayvianconquerors.com >
To: Dark elven mother < DuskyVixxen@Amnnet.org >
Subject: Technique and Protection
My dear friend, so good to have another missive from you! They always brighten my day.
Technique 33B did work out as expected, and I even dared experiment some more, substituting the spider webbing for a regular silk cord. So far no problems. I did find the spell in the Appendix, but unfortunately I'm having some problems convincing my lover to agree to try it out. He won't say so outright, but I think he doesn't quite trust me to be able to turn us back. Hmpf. He should know better, I am after all a Great Wizardess. I don't know how somebody who's usually fearless to the point of being suicidal can object to a little thing like this, I really don't. *sigh* I suppose it wouldn't be a good idea to try to take him by surprise either. These things have to be consensual.
That Lim-Lim looks *very* sweet, and also clever. I'm sure it is a great comfort to you to have a loyal and devoted creature like that guarding your eldest.
As you suspected, my baby was often wilder than he appears in that picture, though he always was a little angel at heart. And Mr Wiggles! That is perfectly adorable! It's so nice when the kids retain some of their early childhood traits, don't you think?
I've had much the same experience as you regarding contraceptives. I think it's the duty of a concerned Mother to take these things seriously, and so I did much the same thing that you did. I sat my son down for a serious talk, and made certain to explain carefully that while I would adore to have grandchildren some day I want them to come at the proper time, and from the right girl, somebody who loves him as much as I do. I then proceeded to explain certain important facts, and the available means of protection, both magical and mundane.
Unfortunately he turned quite red before I had got halfway through, and I couldn't get any coherent words out of him after that. As you said - Men! Why can't they be *practical* about this sort of thing, like we are?
I am also enclosing a link you might find interesting, to www.RuleByFear.com
Now, I know we haven't discussed work so far, but I am under the impression that you are a woman dedicated both to family and career, much like myself. It is true that many of the intimidation techniques detailed at this page are things I had already worked out on my own, but it never hurts to have a source for new reference material, since I think it is very important that all my subordinates know their proper place. Kneeling at my feet, that is. Let me know what you think of it!
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From : Dark elven mother < DuskyVixxen@Amnnet.org >
To : Thayvian matriarch < RedLady@thayvianconquerors.com >
Subject : Concerned moms
I'm happy to hear from you again.
Do not be disappointed with your lover's refusal to try out the spell. There are still plenty of other techniques to choose from. For example, your lover might be more agreeable to the 'Beanre Ceiling Stretcher' on page twenty. All you need are a string of rubberbands tied together for maximum effect, but do remember to make sure that the matress is secure, since landing on steel spirals can be quite nasty.
Fortunately, my daughters were more open to the matters of contraceptives and sexuality, even though my youngest found the whole act rather 'gross', as she put it. This un-Drowlike attitude quite worries me, but at least I should not be concerned about local boys yet, seeing she has no interest in any of them. My son, well, he and his girlfriend are currently living together in Athkatla, but I'm certain that her mother (whom, incidentally, is a childhood friend of my eldest daughter) has filled her in on the details. I trust HER, but not her daughter...
An... interesting link. Befitting my Drow heritage, I used to be quite adamant about such things, but, as the Life does, it changes a person, and it was no less than the influence of my lover which led me to shed several of my more darker impulses. When I still worshipped Shar, I could treat my servants like a tyrant, depending on my mood at the time... until Shar decided I was straying to far from my tenets and sent a Vampire to slay my child.
After such a traumatic experience, you can imagine I have changed in this aspect. My friends say I have become... looser and more easy-going, moreso since I started worshipping Selune. Still, I take pleasure in breaking in the new servants at the Keep by giving them outrageous orders and bossing them around... Just enough for them to know their place, of course...
Dark Elven Mother
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From: Thayvian matriarch < RedLady@thayvianconquerors.com >
To: Dark elven mother < DuskyVixxen@Amnnet.org >
Subject: Concerned Moms
Hello again! Thank you so much for the tip about the rubberbands, I'll make certain to bring it up with my lover at the earliest opportunity. Unfortunately he is out of town on business at the moment, so I'll have to wait until he gets back. Sometimes I wish he didn't work so hard, but on the other hand he needs to keep busy in order not to get too restless. I'll just have to bear it.
It is a good thing that your son's girlfriend's mother is a sensible woman, that makes matters so much easier. *My* son finally deigned to tell me a few details about *his* girlfriend. Not her name or anything like that, but it's better than nothing. Apparently she's an orphan, but he had a very shifty look in his pretty eyes as he said that. There is *bound* to be something wrong with her family, such as a paladin mother or a father who likes to dress up in women's underwear. *sigh*He also says that this girl is some sort of artist. That may be a good thing...but it may not. It all depends on what *kind* of art, doesn't it? She could be one of those odd people who make sculptures out of chewed bread or glass containers filled with dragon droppings. (My apologies if you are a lover of 'modern' art. I'm a bit of a traditionalist in such matters.)
I can well imagine that that awful experience with the Vampire must have been traumatic for you. It is not strange that it would make you rethink matters, I cannot imagine what I would do if something like that ever happened to my baby. Still, it is good that you are still firmly in command, that is what really matters after all.
To cheer you up, here's another interesting link that my lover came across recently and that we both found quite amusing.
www.ThousandStupidPaladinJokes.com
Though there may be the rare paladin with a brain larger than that of a flea, they make such amusing targets.
In particular, allow me to point you in the direction of Joke 447, the one with the...ahem...alternate use for paladin brains.In hopes of many a good laugh,
Thayvian Matriarch
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From : Dark elven mother < DuskyVixxen@Amnnet.org >
To : Thayvian matriarch < RedLady@thayvianconquerors.com >
Subject : Concerned moms
Hello again!
I am SO sorry to hear that your son's girlfriend is an artist. *sigh* These are often fickle people, who offer little in the way of stability. I know this because I have had quite some dealings with artists the past few decades. To be honest, I like the art more than the artists. A sculpture can creature beautiful work, but the person behind the art often does not befit these fine creations. Did you hear Sir Sarles was found dead in bed with five gnomish prostitutes, while dressed up like a Half-Orcish barbarian last month? That's what I mean.
Fortunately, my son's girlfriend is only a half-actress. She has a normal dayjob as a Necromancer, so there is at least SOME stability. there
I laughed hard at the paladin jokes! I especially liked number 560. How the collected dried brains of a thousand paladins, when pressed together, can just make your table with the uneven legs less wobbly.
Hope to hear from you soon!
Dark Elven Mother.
