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Remember Love (Take 2) (On)


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#1 Guest_cdrradar_*

Posted 11 June 2004 - 09:09 AM

This would be more approaching a Beta version, since a majority of the thematic elements are in the chapter. I put one tie-in to the previous chapter, and I'll be putting in what was foreshadowed beforehand later. (I also put in a little about what's going through Linu's head too. Interesting revelations.) I used much of Leo's advice in this, as well as my own observations. Let's see if this works out better.

Items between [-- --] are comments of my own.

Disclaimers: same as last time - Sexual situations, nudity, mush galore.

Remember love


His unsteady moans upset her, his unsettled body tossing and turning in their bed. She put a hand on his chest, trying to settle him down. He didn't, so she pulled herself closer to him. She yelled at him, "Tarric!"

"Wha..." was his startled reply. His hand covered hers on his chest, and he asked, "What?"

She said softly, "You're alright, dear. You were dreaming, or more like having a nightmare."

"No," he replied, sitting up. "No, there's something wrong."

"Then what is it?"

His face scowled, turning his eyes away from her. He said slowly, "There's... something. There's more in Charwood..."

"But we restored that village, and there's nothing left but ruined old buildings."

"I know, but..." Shaking his head, he continued, "There's more there. Something calls me back. I'm not sure, but I know I must return there before we go to Luskan."

"Are you sure, dear?" she asked, looking deep into his eyes.

She heard his sincerity with his reply, "Yes, Linu. Besides, I had wanted to go down there once again anyway, but Sune wants me to go down there."

"What...?"

His hands wrapped around hers as he replied, "I received a vision from my Goddess. Sune asked me to go to Charwood."

"What, now?"

He cocked his head as he climbed out of the bed with, "No better time than the present."

"Alright, dear," she said, following his example. "Any idea what we'll find there?"

"History. That's all I know," he replied, pulling his armor off his stand.

Without further discussion, the adventurers readied themselves for the road. The Sea of Night still floated above them in the sky, with Selûne looking kindly on the town. Insects chirped along the familiar south road, the grass parting beneath their hurried steps. The air chilled her elven skin beneath the leather armor. Curious at their rapid pace, she asked, "Why the rush, Tarric?"

"It's cold, the running will warm us up."

"I can think of better ways to warm ourselves up, dear."

He stopped in his tracks a couple paces ahead of her, laughing at her suggestion. She stopped when the Sunite turned around and said to her, "You know something? That's not a bad idea."

Surprised that he took her idea to heart, she met his lips with the briefest uncertainty. His kiss wiped away her doubt, and she threw her arms around him. Spreading her lips, she invited him into her.

Neglected passions flooded her with his tongue sliding inside her, tasting his essence. Renewed hunger possessed the cleric, finding herself once again gorging into a fresh passion meal. Now unmarried, she found that she could enjoy his pleasures without guilt. Desires burned deep within her, but she didn't want to take him away from Aribeth. She swam in their bliss, the pool warming her body.

He slowed their kiss, drawing their moment to a close. Closing her eyes, she leaned against his chest with a deep, contented purr. "Mmm, it's good to know you still got it after all that's happened, dear."

"What's that?"

"You are still the most amazing kisser in all Faerûn."

A chuckle accompanied his reply, "Heh... It's good to know you are able to enjoy them again. Tell me, what about that Benlaran you danced with last night?"

"Oh, he was just being polite, dear."

"I'm sure he was, but I'm asking about you."

Shrugging her shoulders, she replied, "He's just a nice guy, nothing spectacular."

"'Nothing spectacular.'" he repeated, resuming their trek.

"That's right. He'd make for a fine friend, but I don't see him that way. Why, jealous?" she teased.

"Not in the least. Listen, Linu. The day you find another man, and find him to be more than just a kissing toy -" she giggled - "I will be the first to celebrate."

"I appreciate that, dear," she replied to a widely smirking Tarric. "I'll let you know when I find another guy, but I want to take my time."

"I understand," he replied, his arm hugging her shoulders with a kiss in her hair. His presence warmed the elf, basking in his friendship. She wrapped her own arm around his back.

Walking in his arm, they found the ruins of Charwood. Tarric released her, and set his pack down in the middle of the former village. The Sunite pulled out his prayer cloak and put it on over his banded armor. She watched her friend walk about the remnants of the square, Selûne showing her his uncertain face. "What's wrong?" she asked of him.

He took a few more confused looks around before saying, "I'm not sure. I can't recall just what it is I'm supposed to do, but I know I'm not going to make this a wasted trip." Pointing to the decayed inn, his features relaxed with, "I guess I'll say my prayers over here. You remember the couple we saw, don't you?"

"Of course. I've neglected my prayers as well, Tarric. The moon as full as it is, this is a fine time for me."

He walked over and gently kissed her forehead. "Put in a good word for me?" he whispered.

"Always, dear." She hugged him, and set her pack near his. He walked over to the inn, while she knelt in the full light of the moon.

Her holy symbol in hand, she asked Sehanine's forgiveness for not being as punctual in her prayers as before. Recent events still weighed heavily in her heart, but what troubled her most was her attachment to the Sunite. In her mind, she didn't want to take him away from Aribeth, but she knew she couldn't ignore her heart forever. His attentions moved her, and she couldn't help but feel... love?

It's too soon, and he's in love with another woman. It wouldn't be right. Yet I desire him, and I did before Synth died. He asks me for advice with Aribeth, yet I know he desires me.

Is it possible for me to fall in love with another man, a human no less, so soon? Would I be so wrong if I made love with him, just once?

Or am I just so vulnerable, that I would seek physical comfort so readily?

She went through so much lately, her spirit in turmoil. Though she received no revelations to the queries in her heart, she felt the divine grace from Sehanine Moonbow refresh her soul. Knowing that she did not fall out of favor from her goddess quieted her spirit.

She laid her questions to rest, and walked back to Tarric. Stiff breezes whipped around them, chilling her. Her friend knelt on the wooden floor of the former inn, but his eyes stared off into another world, the Sunite's tears flowing freely. Two red roses peeked out from under his cloak, his hand holding them delicately. Rapidly whispered prayers passed his lips as he bent over, dropping the roses on the floor. She placed a hand in the middle of his back, and tried to soothe him with, "Hey there, dear. You okay?"

"Linu..." he cried. His arms clutched around her waist desperately, his face buried in her hip. Unsure of the cause of his distress, she knelt next to him and hugged him in equal measure. He croaked in his ear, "Linu, there's something I need to tell you..."

--

"Giselle, will you marry me?"

"Yes!"

The blessing of a Sunite warrior and a cleric of Sehanine Moonbow followed that magical exchange between Edward and Giselle. Others in the Charwood Inn gave them their best wishes. The innkeeper gave him his gift - a luxurious room for the rate of a single.

They climbed the stairs to the second floor. Outside the door, a single sign read, "The Golden Merchant." Once inside, they gasped.

A fireplace warmed the room, its flickering glow bathing them in a soft light. The wood crackled with the blaze from within. A throw rug lay sprawled before the fireplace. Two empty bookcases flanked the fire, and curtains covered the only window, preventing Selûne from peeking in on the newly betrothed. Brown fur blankets covered the matress of the large bed with two white pillows at the head.

The door closed behind Edward, his heated breath teasing her neck. The crackling of the fire, her excited rhythm beneath her chest, and his fast breathing filled her ears. Turning around, she looked deep into his brown eyes, feeling them staring into her soul. She had seen those eyes before, nearly every night after she fell asleep. She had dreamed of this moment, of just her and her love, but they always evaporated with the dawn.

His heated hands caressed her shoulders, goosebumps bubbling her skin. A smile graced his lips, only to open a moment later to ask his question, "What's wrong, my darling?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing, my love." Joyful tears escaped her eyes, drawing cool lines along her cheeks. She slid her hands around his waist, and placed her head on his chest. A deep inhale puffed her chest against his, feeling his muscles rise and fall with his rapid breathing. Listening to the thunder of his heart, she slid her hands up his back, his heated shoulder blades quivering beneath her touch. Holding her love so close, she cried, "I'm just so happy, my love, so happy... I'm afraid I'm going to wake up from a dream, and all this will go away..."

"This is no dream, this is no dream..." His tender palm caressed her cheek, while his lips pressed against her hear on the top of her head. Heated fingers glided down her face, beneath her chin. The slightest pressure guided her head to where she wanted - looking up into the eyes of her lover.

A puff of air touched her expecting lips, exciting her desire. His neck craned, lowering her head to hers. His sensuous skin rubbed against hers, beginning their kiss.

Her heart pounded in her chest, and she opened her mouth, ready to pour her passions into her love. His tongue accepted her invitation, pulling on the strings of her soul. Tasting his love, she responded in kind while his hands slid around her back. His heated palms flared through the silk bodice, pressing her body against his. She felt his rhythm pound against her skin. A set of fingers glided against the side of her bodice, sliding up along her torso. A thumb lightly pressed the bottom of her breast. Her gasp was only a brief interruption in their passionate kiss.

One hand slid off his back, feeling behind her as they walked to the bed. Feeling the soft fur through her fingers, she bent backwards. She let him ease her excited body nestle into the softness of the bed. The fur played at her exposed skin, tickling her. A giggle separated their lips, and he kissed down her neck. His attentions excited her, forcing a moan through her lips. Hot lips scraped the top of her breasts, his heated breath boiling her skin over, prompting gasps of pleasure. His fingers tickled her stomach as they worked the laces of her bodice. Holding his head in her cleavage, she heaved a deep breath, pulling her breasts out further. His lips took advantage, her skin yielding to his increased amorous assault.

A strained grunt from the bed accompanied Edward's deep moan from between her breasts. The laces pulled free, opening the bodice. Warm air greeted her freshly exposed flesh. His lips surrounded her hardened nipples, while heated fingers caressed her fully open breasts. Overwhelmed, brief pleasured cries escaped her throat, begging for more.

Releasing his head, she planted her fists into the bed, pulling herself further onto the bed. He stopped his passions just long enough to help her settle into the soft fur. Individual hairs tickled along her back and arms, arousing her further. Seeing the opportunity, she reached around him, and pulled his tunic up. His arms crossed in front of him, grabbing at the bottom seam. His chest rippled beneath his skin when he flicked the tunic away.

Insatiable desires flooded her being as his male body laid on top of hers. Indulging her desires, her hands felt for every muscle she can feel as he started another impassioned kiss. Spreading her legs, his pelvis fell deep into her skirt. Feeling his body closer to her than ever before, she buried her lips into his neck, clutching his back.

[-- This is where I felt it was time to begin "pulling back." --]

Their amorous efforts continued. After removing the last articles of clothing from their bodies, nothing remained between the lovers. Their naked forms moved against each other when she begged, "Take me, Edward..."

All that mattered to them was each other, exceptionally aware of their physical bodies. Passion flowed between them, and their hearts mixed together. Their spirits elevated to another plane, where only their love existed. In finding each other in their spirits, they became one heart in love. Edward and Giselle elevated their consciousness to a place where only true love existed, and they gave themselves the only gift that mattered - each other. Finding themselves in pure love, their spirits rejoiced as one, contented bliss flowing through their one heart.

A new fountain sprouted in the celestial pool of the Evergold.

[-- And they had some really fantastic sex. :wink: --]

--

Several birds sang praises, spreading their wings at the gift of Lathander. Soaring through the sky, one bird flew from one tree to another, startling the branch it landed upon, rustling the leaves briefly. Morning dew clung to the grass, the air saturated with moisture. A patch of roses spread their petals, welcoming the sun to a new day.

A young cobbler stepped outside his home, squinting at the morning sun. The thick air stuck his tunic to his chest. Smacking his lips at the hot air, he stretched out with his arms, stood on the balls of his feet, and arched his back with a mighty yawn. Bones popped all over his body, much to his relief. Relaxing his muscles from the thorough stretch, he opened his eyes further. He inhaled the fresh morning, smelling the new day before him. For the first time in his life, he felt hopeful.

The source of his newfound hope wrapped around his waist, hugging him tightly. Reaching behind him, he found the familiar form of his love. She whispered into his ear, "Good morning, my love."

"And a good morning to you, my darling," he replied, turning around in her loosened embrace. Looking deeply into her eyes, he saw the afterglow from their rapturous night, and gave her a heavenly kiss. He had an hour to get ready to start his day, so he decided he could spare a minute to spend a moment with the woman he loved. Pausing their bliss, he asked, "Sleep well, dear?"

"Never better, my love." They resumed their passionate attentions with their lips. Feeling her hand on his cheek, he touched her fingers, looking for the new adornment on them. "Something wrong, Edward?" she asked, breaking their moment.

Holding her hands between them, he replied, "Nothing, nothing at all, Giselle. I was just wondering, when we should have our union ceremony."

"Before the tenday is out, before my brothers return. I should have a ring for you by then. Once we're married, we will have nothing to worry about any longer."

"Agreed. As much as I would like to spend the day in your arms, I should get my shop ready. Shoes need to be mended, darling."

"I should return home also. Know that before this tenday is over, we shall have a new home to return to, one that we will both call home."

He smiled at her thought before beginning a renewed kiss. She ended their passions before too long. She planted a final kiss on his ear with a whisper, "I love you."

"I love you too," he replied similarly. Though it pained him, he watched his fiancé walk away.

His heart aglow with love, he started his day, preparing the shop to practice his craft. The future was bright for him, and he thanked Sune for it. As well as for having his father away on business.

--

Twirling his finger around her ear, he asked, "Have you picked a place, darling?"

"The House of Beauty in Waterdeep. Everyth --"

"You're daffed!" he exclaimed, sitting up in the bed.

Not entirely surprised at his response, she placed a hand on his chest and gently put him back down. She stated, "It's well away from Neverwinter, and my family will never know of it until later." Edward's mouth opened to protest again, but she silenced him by placing a finger on his lips. Sitting up herself, she continued, "Don't worry, my love. There will be a horse for you, so you'll make it. I already have your suit ready, so you don't have to risk getting yours soiled during your travel.

"Relax, my love, for on the morrow, we shall be one in all of Toril. Nothing will change that," she finished, caressing his cheek.

His hand wrapped around hers as he asked, "Giselle, I just want to hear you say it. Do you know what you're giving up to marry me?"

"Yes, my love." She kissed his forehead before continuing, "I'm giving up my estate, my right to titles, and I'm even giving up family tradition for you.

"All the wealth and power in Waterdeep, Silverymoon, Athlaka, and Aglarond can't buy me you. It can't buy me a man who loves me for me, not for what I stand to inherit, not for what I could get in marrying another noble whom I could never love.

"I am tired of being shown around to the other royal houses in Waterdeep, like a worthless jewel to be bartered to another house for gold. I'm tired of being treated like a commodity to be bought from the auction block. I'm tired of being property, a slave to my parent's whims.

"I love you, Edward, and I'm willing to throw away my former life, if it means that I can have a new life with you. Lands, titles, estates, money, power, nothing. All mean nothing without you, Edward, my love."

She watched tears fall down his face with her declaration for him. Her hand met his warm face, wiping the tears away. Her own tears fell on his chest, and she draped herself on him. Feeling the man she loved beneath him, she caressed his cheek while he said, "I love you."

"And I love --"

The door exploded, the wood splintering throughout the room. Giselle shrieked at the intrusion, and rolled off the bed, pulling the blanket down with her. Edward jumped out of the bed, his briefs the only adornment on him. Recognizing the intruder, she met his eyes when he said, "My sister, I expected to find you here."

"Duras, you have no right to --"

"I have EVERY right!" he yelled, his armored boots thumping against the wooden floorboards. His chain shirt rustled over his chest as Duras declared, "Giselle Senden, as your elder brother, I'm taking you home before you make a mistake that will ruin our family!"

"Our family can rot in the abyss for all I care!" she spat. Holding the blanket against her chest, Giselle stood to face her brother. Making her stand, she said, "I will not go back, not unless you and our father accept Edward as my husband!"

"That will never happen! I don't care what --" She flashed her left hand, spreading her fingers, highlighting the ring found there. She watched her fiancé follow her example. Her brother directed his bile at her love with, "Where did you get them? Did you steal them from my sister with your honeyed words?"

"Not at all, besides --"

"Silence, commoner! You -" He pointed to his sister. "You can come with me willingly, or I can drag you out. Which is it going to be?"

"I'm not going back, never again!"

Duras took one step toward her, and Edward stood between them. His body protecting hers, she peeked around him as he growled, "The only way she's leaving with you is over my dead body."

[-- If there was ever a time for Edward's POV, the above just might be it.

Edward saw Duras take one step toward his love. Knowing her to be in danger, he stepped between the siblings. He growled at her hated brother, "The only way she's leaving with you is over my dead body." --]

"So be it," he stated. A rapier flashed in his hand, and pierced the cobbler's heart.

The point of his brother's sword stuck out her lover's back, nearly touching her flesh. Her fiancé crumbled in front of her when Duras withdrew his weapon. "NOOO!!!" she screamed, her future husband falling dead at her feet.

"You have no reason to be here, so we can go now." His arm reached out for her.

Giselle threw the blanket at her murdering brother, forcing him to drop his weapon. The rapier clanged on the wood floor. Her brother disoriented with the fur blanket over him, she used her opportunity to take the weapon.

The blanket flew off his head, letting her see her brother. She saw the terror in his eyes when she brandished the rapier with proficiency. A slash sliced between his unbuckled chainmail, drawing a line of blood down his torso.

Her older brother still in shock, she drew back the thin blade, aiming for his small heart. A thrust followed, driving the cold steel through his flesh.

Yanking the rapier out of him, her dead brother fell to the ground. She dropped the sword and clutched her fiancé. She didn't hear the weapon clang on the floor, for her heart broke, her mournful cries filling the room. Her chance for true happiness died with the man in her arms.

Despair found Giselle, her one true love dead. She couldn't stand the thought of going through life - any life - without Edward. There was nothing she could do.

She chose never to be separated from her love.

Hearing her younger brother step into the room, she looked back at him. With unashamed tears streaming her face, she instructed, "Watch, Toral, and see what love truly means."

She crawled to the rapier on the ground, seeing her younger brother's stunned gaze. Crawling back to Edward, she let out a cry to Sune. She begged for the return of her husband, though futile it was. There was no reply to her pleading.

Using her older brother's sword, she joined the man she loved.

--

190 years later, a Sunite warrior wept in the ruins of the Charwood Inn, where he first met them. The cold morning did not affect him, nor did the stiff breezes that flapped around his prayer cloak. His knees set against the ruined floorboard, tears streamed down his face. He cried for Giselle, and her love Edward.

His hands reached under his cloak, and produced two red roses. He bent over, and placed them on the floor. Whispered prayers to the Lady Firehair passed his lips.

A comforting hand draped on his back, followed by a familiar, soothing voice. "Hey there, dear. You okay?"

"Linu..." He turned and hugged his elf companion desperately. She knelt down next to him and hugged him in equal measure. Warmed by her presence, he pulled her close, feeling his elven friend in his arms. He croaked in her ear, "Linu, there's something I need to tell you."

--

Alrighty. Turns out this is also an exercise in POV patience as well... *phew* When all thematic elements are in place, the chapter graduates to Release Candidate status. There is an obvious one missing, and I have to complete their coffeehouse conversation.

References:
Tarric Senden (15th) Prior chapter
Tarric Senden (4th) The start of Charwood, introducing Edward and Giselle
Love's Blossom The betrothed, in their POV
Tarric Senden (8th) The resolution of Charwood, along with Mobley's foreshadowing

#2 Leo

Posted 13 June 2004 - 10:57 PM

Hi,

I can see some improvement. But I'm puzzled by the new scene added before the story of Giselle and Edward. I didn't get a feel for the characters. They start sharing a bed, so I assumed they were lovers. Then they decide to go on some urgent errand, but interrupt it for what they could have done in that bed to start with. To top it off, Linu then starts dwelling on her relationship with Tarric in a way that suggests they had never been intimate yet. It may be I'm missing an earlier history of the couple.

When I suggested redoing the final dramatic scene from Giselle's POV, it was in order to better capture the emotions of the scene's most interesting character. Consider, for example, the following:

"NOOO!!!" she screamed, her future husband falling dead at her feet.


This could as well be from someone else's POV, without any change. What this sentence does is tell us what happened. What I suggest you do instead is show what runs through Giselle's mind and soul while this happens. Besides, we already know that Edward is her future husband; you don't need to remind us that.

Finally, a minor comment. I have noticed you like to use the expressions like "heated hand" and the like. It may be just me, of course, but the first question that comes to mind in response to such an expression is "heated on what? a stove?" Thus adding an inappropriate element of humor in an unwanted manner. Consider "hot hand" instead.

Thanks for the read.

Leo




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