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Nothing I've Become: Wake Me Up Inside


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#1 Guest_Soris_*

Posted 20 March 2004 - 11:02 PM

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Nothing I’ve Become: Wake Me Up Inside
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Wake me up inside
Wake me up inside
Call my name and save me from the dark
Bid my blood to run before I come undone
Save me from the nothing I’ve become
Bring me to life

“Bring Me to Life” --Evanescence
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Soris leaned back in his chair, taking note of how good it felt to sit in a normal chair for a meal. He wondered if his friends felt the same relief.

“Comfy chairs, hugh? Can’t say the same for the food, though.” As usual, Imoen spoke with her mouth full.

“Boo says that little Imoen should be nice to the elves. War is never good for cooking.”

Soris grinned. He had to agree with Imoen. The food was somewhat bland, but Boo was right. The sorcerer doubted they tasted the pinnacle of elven cuisine. Deciding he was finished, Soris quietly slid his chair back from the table a little and listened to the trivial fragments of conversation that drifted his way. It was good to have everyone together, and to know that they didn’t have eminent doom hanging over their heads. He sighed. For now, things were peaceful, but he knew they would never be as simple as they had been before.

Viconia noticed his musing. “What is it jaluk? I trust you were still able to find your lips with your spoon?”

“Without a doubt, Viconia. I am blind, not paralyzed. And I was just thinking, how long has it been since we’ve all been able to eat a meal together in peace. I’m not sure I can remember the last time.”

“And it will probably be the last for a time.” The Drow murmured under her breath.

Soris couldn’t resist the urge to toy with her a little. “I thought everyone was looking forward to the celebration. There’ll be dancing and singing. Rumor has it that Ellimsime herself is planning the formal ball this year.”

“A foolish waste of time that could be better spent repairing the city.”

Soris shook his head. “I’m sure the repairs will be completed. The elves aren’t completely incompetent.”

“Speak for yourself, abbil.”

The conversation gradually ground down to a halt, and ended completely with Imoen scraping her chair very loudly away from the table. “Well…” She yawned. “I’m exhausted. I think I’ll go to bed now.”

“Only to be up at dawn to meet with a certain young elf?” Jaheria sounded amused, and the tone in her voice suggested a raised eyebrow.

“His name’s Doran, and his shift ends and dawn. I usually just walk him home.” Imoen shuffled her feet. When no one else decided to add to her embarrassment she slid out the door without another sound.

Soris waited until he heard Minsc and Keldorn’s heavy boots clomp out the door of the room before he began to rise. Using the edge of the table as a guide he levered himself to his feet. “Thanks for arranging this, Jaheira. Give whomever prepared this my thanks. It was nice to have a meal in peace for once.”

“Yes, child. It was.” Jaheira spoke gently. Soris thought she sounded preoccupied, but she might also have been merely tired. It was difficult to tell without being able to see her face.

Are you ready yet? I think she’s tired, and you need your sleep as well.

Yes, mother.
Soris felt a bump at his leg and reached down to gently grasp the soft tip of his familiar’s tail. The sorcerer and tiger were the last people to leave the druid’s room.

Once outside, Soris took the time to enjoy the cool evening air while slowly following his familiar down the street. His progress was brought to a halt by a familiar voice.

“Soris, may I walk with you?”

“Of course, Viconia.” Soris responded, puzzled. It was unusual for Viconia to ask about anything she considered trivial.

Eric’s tail twitched. Since you have the pretty lady, you don’t need me. Can I…?

Soris grinned. Go find your friend, but don’t stay out too late. Growing familiars need their sleep too.

Yes, mother.
The young tiger sped off.

Soris turned to Viconia with the grin still on his face. “He’s found a friend. One of the elven mages has a familiar, a female panther.” The sorcerer reached out a hand and tried to catch the Drow’s arm. She seemed surprised when he caught hold. He shrugged sheepishly. “I can’t see where I’m going. It’s much easier to walk if I have a guide.”

“A guide? You are certain that is all you want?” A playful tone worked its way into the Drow’s voice.

“A guide. I’d look pretty dumb stumbling along out here in the dark.”

“I don’t see how that would be different than normal, jaluk.”

At least she’s in a good mood tonight. Soris tried to relax and enjoy the walk back to his room.

“Soris, I came to you tonight because I wished to speak with you alone. Do you remember the night after the yochlol attacked?” Viconia waited for his response.

“How could I forget?”

“Several days later I wished to leave, but you convinced me to stay. I was foolish and naïve, a waela jalil. I should have left then, when I had the chance.”

The young sorcerer felt confused. “I don’t understand. If you aren’t happy here, I won’t force you to stay.”

Her voice grew quiet for a moment. “No, jaluk. That is not what I meant. Before we challenged Irenicus, I began to feel that a future between us might not be impossible. I began to doubt my earlier decision. You have defeated Irenicus, and regained your soul. You have triumphed.”

“And, I’m blind.”

Viconia fell silent.

Soris realized his mistake. “I’m sorry, Viconia. I don’t blame you. If you hadn’t done what you did, I would probably be dead. And I don’t care what anyone else says, I’ll take being blind over dead any day.”

“But where will you go now? Your future is always in question, and so would be any between us. Perhaps it is time for me to leave.”

Soris frowned and spoke softly. “If that is what you truly wish to do, I won’t stop you. You know that.”

“I am finding it... increasingly difficult to travel by your side, Soris, and still remember the reasons that we are not together. I yearn to touch you, even if I should not.” As if to punctuate her words, she tightened the arm linked with his, drawing him closer. “If I remain…” She trailed off. “This is a weakness in me, a weakness that will get us both killed.”

“Could get us both killed.” Soris corrected. “I feel the same way, but I don’t think your leaving would be the answer.”

“I expected as much. You never have been one to let go. Tell me, then, Soris... what purpose would the two of us re-uniting serve? I have made all my arguments to you already.”

Soris gathered his resolve. He had been waiting for this moment for a long time. “Viconia, I can’t control the future, nor can I change the past. But I can control what happens now. I know that the future will be difficult. I don’t think my siblings are going to leave me alone, and the situation is not made any easier by my being blind. On the most basic level, if I am to survive, I need all the help I can get. I need people I can trust close to me. On a more personal level, I would rather face my future with you than without you.”

Viconia brought their pace to a halt. “We have arrived. Your door is behind us.” She made no move to allow him to enter his room. “Despite the idiocy of do so, I would like for us to be together, again. I miss you. I miss being close to you, and feeling your flesh against mine.” She drew her body to his, and his lips to hers. As the kiss trailed off, she began to lead him gently towards his door. A dark hand gently turned the knob.

He stopped her, grabbing her hand. “Viconia.” He pulled away. “I want you back. I want us to be together, but I’m different than I was before. I need time to get to know you again, to adjust. I want to do this right.”

“Right? I do not understand what you mean, jaluk. I place little faith in your surface customs.” She moved closer to him again.

He took a deep breath. “There are things that I haven’t told you, things I need to tell you if we are going to make this work. I need time to sort them out. I will tell you everything, but I need time.” Soris felt like he was living some sort of dream, and was afraid he’d wake up. He felt Viconia take a step back, confused.

“Then I will leave you to your thoughts for the evening.”

As she turned to go, an idea struck him. He grabbed her hand. “Viconia, wait. There is one more thing. You know that the elves are holding a celebration in honor of our defeat of Irenicus and the salvation of Suldanessalar. The final night of the celebration will culminate with a formal ball. You might be able to get out of going, but there is no way I will. As such, I will need a... companion. I thought I’d ask. I imagine Imoen will go with this Daron she’s been seeing, so if you don’t wish to go, I could ask Jaheira.”

By the hiss that escaped from the lips of the Drow, Soris knew she was very fond of that proposal. “That will not be necessary. The surface elves will witness the full glory of a Drow Matron.”

“So you’ll go?”

“Yes, jaluk. Good night.” She left, and Soris turned and entered his room.

This turned out to be a very good night indeed. He thought to himself as he slid into bed.

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Far away a tall figure slumped down in the midst of an old battlefield. Sweat dripped of his bald head, but he failed to notice. He watched as the other soldiers and demons went about their business in the camp around him. He could recognize the new recruits. They were the ones who snapped to attention when given orders, or they were the ones who still bothered to resist the orders they were given. They still had hope. Their backs were not yet broken. It wouldn’t be long before most of them gave in.

Sarevok knew hope had left him long ago. Before he lost Tameko, he knew hope. He had allowed that hope to be replaced by ambition. Now ambition had left him as well. The only thing that separated him from the men broken by the Blood War was his will, but it was difficult for a man to survive on will alone.

He had risen through three levels of the Abyss, three levels of fighting since he had arrived. Each new commander commented on how quickly he rose through the ranks, but it could have taken an eternity for all time meant to the battered warrior. He would bide his time. The Blood War could provide opportunities for those capable of waiting. Sarevok did not know if he would have the strength to take advantage of an opportunity if one arose. He knew he was growing numb. He dropped all thought and began to check his gear.

“Sarevok Anchev.” The words were simple, but the voice had the ring of one who had lived through more than any mortal should.

Sarevok turned and found himself face to face with a creature. It was tall and powerfully built, but looked more like a walking corpse than a ‘living’ being. Its skin was a grey mass covered by scars and various tattoos. Some appeared to pulse with power. All were symbols Sarevok had never seen before. For the first time in what felt like ages, Sarevok could feel what felt vaguely like intrigue stir in his heart. He looked into the thing’s eyes and saw the keen glint of intelligence staring back at him. “Who are you?” He asked the creature.

The thing gave a strange smile. “If you had any idea how many times I’ve been asked that question you would not have asked. I am a man, just as you are. I am a man who has committed terrible crimes, and for my crimes I was sent here. I am a man who deserves his fate.”

Sarevok looked at the man, feeling annoyed by the cryptic answer. “What do you want from me?”

“Do you wish to leave this place?” The man-thing asked.

Sarevok felt a pang in his heart. “Of course, of those here, who does not?” He arched an eyebrow. The grey man was intriguing.

“Many here seek relief from their suffering, but they do not think to leave. Their lives are over, but they do not wish to face oblivion. So they live out their half-lives here. I have no wish to do that for any longer than I must.” The man narrated, as if he had carefully rehearsed his speech.

“So you wish to find oblivion?” Sarevok had never even considered the option.

“Eventually, yes, but first I wish to live again. I wish to live a life of my own, one that is not stolen from others.”

Sarevok did not understand the man’s comment, but the prospect of life thundered through him like warm blood. He ignored the man’s ambiguity. “What must I do? I assume I will also have the chance for life as well.”

The grey one looked at him. “I would not offer you a chance I did not think existed. For now, we must survive. We can do nothing until we get closer to the surface of this place.”

Sarevok nodded. “Very well, I assume you will remain in contact?”

Again the grey man smiled his strange smile. “We fight together now. If either of us is to leave this place it will not be alone.”

Again Sarevok did not understand, but he let it pass. “Very well, you already know my name, but how shall I address you? If we are to cooperate, you must at least give me your name.”

“There is great power in a name. Few mortals understand this. As for me, I have been know as the Nameless One for so long it fits better than anything now.”

“The Nameless One.” Sarevok said the name. It had a strange ring, but it did seem to fit the individual before him. Still, the man had a point. Any man without a name was dangerous. Sarevok knew his new companion would bear watching.

Seeing that the conversation was finished, Sarevok returned to surveying the camp. Sweat stung his eyes, and the sent of sulfur burned in his nostrils. For the first time since before he died he felt hope stir from deep within him.

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