The Angst and The Analyst III

THE ANGST AND THE ANALYST

From the Journals and Papers of Dr. MorningGlory Gaeston

(Rated PG-13: Adult themes, mild language, mild violence, brief nudity)

CHAPTER III

He was still holding my hands as I sat speechless.

Stress-induced psychological trauma brought on by major life-altering events?!? The dry, unemotional rush to provide a rational explanation for this behavior filled my mind instantly. And just as quickly, it scared the nine hells out of me. By the Gods! If this was true, Hendak was delusional! And, delusions about ‘gods’ were the worst. My mind could not process the on-rushing jumble of clinical terminology, case history, and raw human emotion. If I was correct, it could not be worse for this man I so loved.

“Hendak…,” I started but I didn’t know what I was going to say.

“Yes, I know, my love, that you believe I am suffering from -- what do you call it? Delusions? But I promise you by all that is holy that what I tell you is true.” He smiled at me. “She told me you would have many doubts and not believe me, so she has arranged for a ‘sign’ from her. Then you will know.” He put his arms around me and pulled me down beside him. “But for now, you must not worry. You must sleep as will I.” It was only moments before he had once again drifted into that plane of restful slumber.

I arose early and hurried to dress. I looked forward to my workday if for no other reason to temporarily escape these terrifying new issues with Hendak. I would have to deal with them, just not right now. I had to mentally process and digest what had happened first.

I got to my office earlier than usual. Sanctuary, I thought as I sat down at my desk after giving Ki his morning ration of grains and seeds. He made no mention of the obvious lack-of-sleep written on my face. I reminded myself that this was my world -- where people brought their problems but I left mine at the door. I knew I had to put my concerns and worries aside or I would be of no useful service to anyone.

Thank the Gods, Charona would be here today, too. I immediately pulled out Delryn’s folder and began to delve into review of our first session. It seemed that only a few moments had passed when I was interrupted by a strange voice.

“Mistress MorningGlory Gaeston?”

The young woman at the door was dressed in extraordinarily expensive Cleric robes adorned with heavy gold coins. She possessed clear blue eyes and I could tell by the radiance of her countenance she was a Seer – a gifted mortal who not only had a direct connection with her Deity, but was a special hand servant who was called upon for special assignments here on the material plane. I had not heard her enter.

“Yes, it is I,” I replied. I arose and found myself standing with weakened knees. I instinctively touched the edge of my desk to steady myself. “How may I be of service to you, young Seer, er..” She hadn’t told me her name.

“Ah, then I have found you,” she smiled. “My name is Marybeth Fatewatch and I bring you greetings from the Mistress of the Church of Waukeen. As you may have gathered, I am a Seer, but also a Goldeye. And although I am residenced in Trademeet, my binding with Waukeen compels me to do my Mistress’s bidding throughout Faerun.” Her smile broadened. “I understand you were expecting me.”

My legs would support me no longer. I sat down. Visions, Goddesses, Seers. This was overwhelming.

“Mistress Glory? Are you alright?” She interrupted her speech. “You look a bit faint. Might I assist with a minor restore spell?” She stepped around to the side of me and gently touched my shoulder. I could feel the warm energy enter my body. Instantly, all anxiety and nervousness was washed away. I felt refreshed. She returned to the other side of the desk.

“Please.., please forgive my poor manners,” I stammered. “Please sit down. You must be tired and require sustenance after your long journey. May I offer you something?” I secretly wondered if my attempt at polite conversation was simply to delay what I knew in my heart she was going to tell me. I didn’t know if I was going to survive the shock.

“No, thank you, Madam. I require very little sustenance, but it is very kind of you to offer. I am also on a very strict schedule for my Mistress, so I fear my visit will be short.” She sat down.

She removed a box from her robe and handed it to me. “From my Goddess,” she explained, almost matter-of-factly. The box was a duplicate of the one which held the ring Hendak had given to me, but larger. It was heavy and I was afraid to open it.

“Please do not be fearful of the truth,” she again smiled. “It is most liberating.”

I slowly removed the lid and gasped. An amulet. Heavy carved gold in the same style as my ring, it held the largest white diamond I had ever seen. It was surrounded with 12 large pearls and on either side of the diamond were two intricately carved runes.

“My Mistress wishes you to accept this small token of her love and acknowledgement in honor of your upcoming wedding to her son, Hendak.” She smiled again. “She is very pleased with his selection of you as his wife and bearer of her Grandchildren.” She paused briefly to gauge my reaction then continued. “She would like to ask two very special favors of you in return. That your marriage ceremony is performed in her Church north of Athkatla, and that you wait until that time to physically wear the Amulet. Hendak must place it around your neck during the ceremony.”

Seer Marybeth was going to have to do a major restore before her departure.

“Forgive me, Seer,” I began hesitantly, some sense of rational thought returning to my mind, “but I am very confused. The Goddess Waukeen has not been seen or heard from in many years. I mean no disrespect, but many have speculated she died during the Time of Troubles and presume her dead.”

“That is a very popular misconception,” Seer Marybeth laughed. “My Mistress has prepared a brief explanation for you that you may better understand both Hendak’s lineage and her subsequent unfortunate circumstances. If you will allow me to convey…..”

The Seer fell into an immediate trance and began her tale. It was her voice, and not her voice, I was hearing.

“When Waukeen was exiled during the Time of Troubles, she was forced to assume her mortal form. She found herself banished and alone in the deep Forest of Kemp. She was found by a Ranger, a Beast Master to be exact, whose love of, and duty to, the Forest had resulted in a solitary life over many years. Haan was not the young, dashing man he had once been, but he was not tainted by the corruptness of the world, either. There was a sweet innocence about him, and his loving kindness and simple ways seduced the Goddess. The Forest was his complete world, his first love, and until she arrived, his only love.

“She stayed with him for several months from fall through winter never revealing her true identity. This was not difficult, as Haan’s eyesight had begun to fail long before her arrival. He was not blind, but he could only distinguish outlines of shadows and light. Over time his other senses had learned to compensate for the encroaching darkness. But he would always touch her face and tell her how beautiful she was because that was what he saw in his heart.

“During that long winter she became his lover but spring arrived and she knew it would soon be time for her to leave. But she knew his heart would break when she departed and it troubled her deeply. What could she, Waukeen, give this simple loving man that he did not already have? He had no need of gold or gems. His Forest was his estate, his small cabin his castle keep, and his immense wealth was all that was contained therein. He was already rich beyond measure. She could give him nothing material in return for his love and devotion.

"She devoted much thought to this, then decided there were two things that his beloved Forest could not give to him that she could. She could return his vision, that he would always be able to look upon his kingdom; and, a child -- a son -- that he might always know how much she had grown to love him.

"The restoration of his eyesight was an easy task, but the child required significant sacrifice and risk of personal peril on her part. But either was still far easier than telling him she must leave him.

“She told him one early evening just after a spring shower as she sat beside him on the cushions by the fireplace. ‘My love,’ she had whispered, ‘I must leave you within a few weeks and return to my home far away. I have duties and obligations awaiting me that I can no longer ignore and require my attention.’

“He was anguished beyond all measure. She had never spoken of ‘home’ before and he did not understand. ‘But this is your home,’ he said, feeling his very being torn from him.

“She reached out and gently calmed him and then continued, ‘This is my heart’s home, but my home of duty is in another realm. But before I depart, I want to give you a gift.’ And with that, she laid her hands upon his eyes. The mists cleared and the shadows evaporated. He opened his eyes and for the first time, Haan gazed upon the face of this beautiful woman he had grown to so dearly love.

“‘How did you..?’ It took a moment for him to see that this was not just the woman he loved, but an ethereal being of great magnitude. With this realization, he found he could not bring himself to look upon her face. He hung his head, most humbled in her presence. He thought of the times of their intimate closeness and how he had taken her to him in the middle of the night. He was suddenly reminded and instantly ashamed of his mortal, animal behavior with this beautiful goddess.

"‘I do not know who you are,’ he whispered and refused to look at her, ‘but I know you are not of this world, Mistress, and I am only a simple man and unworthy to look upon your beauty.’ He attempted to move away from her. She stopped him.

“‘I am the same as when you brought me here and cared for me, Haan. The only difference is that you can see me now,’ she replied softly. ‘I returned your sight to you that you would never be separated from your world -- not to bring you pain or humiliation in discovering who and what I am. I could never willingly hurt you, my love.’ She waited a brief moment before continuing. ‘Know that I love you with all of my heart but my duties call me and the mortals of Toril depend upon me. If I thought you would be happy, I would take you with me. But I cannot be so selfish and take you from your own kingdom, knowing you would be so miserable in mine. Your realm, your domain is here. You belong here, Haan.’ He knew she spoke the truth, as painful as it was to hear.

"‘There is one more gift I have for you, Haan,’ she said softly lifting his chin that his soft gray eyes would meet and finally look upon her face. She took his hand and placed it gently on her belly. ‘We have a child. A boy child. He is growing inside of me now. And, as he grows inside me, I will nurture him in body and mind. He will be born as all mortal children are born and you will help me as he passes from my physical body and between my legs into this world, your world. I will then stay one day, and then I must go. He must not know who, or what, I am until the appointed hour of my choosing when I will return and reveal myself to him. This is for his and your safety that I ask this, Haan. There are many that would seek to do you and our child great harm and hurt me if they knew of his existence.’

"She continued on. ‘He will not grow as a normal human, but will mature into a young man within a fortnight. He will not recognize his accelerated growth as being anything other than normal. But, my love, he will be here with you until your last breath that you may always look at him and know my undying love for you.’ There was deep sadness and resignation in her sweet voice and she sighed.

“It was as she had said. Within scant days she was full with child and Haan marvelled at her radiant glow from impending Motherhood. As a Goddess she was breathtakingly beautiful, but as a mother-to-be she was radiant beyond all on this or any other plane.

“She awoke him in the middle of the seventh night. ‘It is time,’ she whispered as the first twinges were felt. Although a Goddess, there was little she could do to lessen the excruciating experience that lay before her. She reminded herself that she was putting herself at great peril for Haan’s sake and his happiness was far more important than any risk she endured.

“It was not long after that she was bathed in sweat from the rigors of her labor. It soaked the bed linens and smelled of sweet honey flowers. Her cries and screams of the pain were no different than any mortal woman in childbirth, and Haan tried to comfort her as much as he could. He soothed her face with a damp cloth and held her hand when the pains came. He talked to her and told her stories to pass the time. She held his hand and felt comforted knowing he was there. She realized she was living a part of the mortal drama and within her experience she discovered the precious ties that bind a mortal man and woman together as a family.

“As the night wore on into early morning, she writhed in pain as her body’s muscles contracted and convulsed violently, seeking to expel the child to his rightful world. With the passage of time the agony intensified and delirium set in. She began speaking in tongues he had never heard and her eyes of gold dimmed. Haan was very concerned. Goddess or not, she could still succumb to the rigors of her task and it frightened him to think of his beautiful Waukeen not being in a world of her choosing. He would have prayed, but he did not know to whom he should direct his supplications.

“The animals of the Forest had quietly gathered at the windows of the cabin in anticipation of the arrival of their Master’s son. He had helped many of them with difficult birthings over the years and they were concerned and curious of the goings-on with the labors of the Master’s mate.

“At long last she bore down in a great final effort that delivered the child into his father’s waiting hands. Haan pulled the tiny human form from his mother’s body and quickly cut the golden cord that connected them. The baby was covered in a soft, golden fluid from his mother's womb. As he raised him up by his feet and helped to clear his airway, there was a tiny cough followed by a tiny cry.

"As she had said, it was a boy-child -- a beautiful boy-child. Haan carefully held him to his breast and was so overwrought with love of their son that his eyes welled and overflowed with tears. He openly sobbed. He had never hoped to dream of such a miracle and yet here it was gently pressed up against his chest. Through his watery blur he looked to her and said in a hoarse, half-whisper, ‘He is so beautiful, Mistress. Our son is so beautiful. Thank you….’

“Haan took his new son and gently washed him. He wrapped him in a warm blanket and nestled him in the arms of his Mother. ‘What would you like to call him?’ she smiled up at the new proud father.

“Haan had not thought to think of a name. ‘Might I call him ‘Hendak?’ It was my Father’s name,’ Haan said, knowing his father would have been pleased.

“‘Of course,’ she replied. She looked down at her baby. ‘Young Hendak, it is time for you to take nourishment as you must grow into the wonderful mortal I know you will become, and fulfil your destiny,’ and she proceeded to feed him the golden elixir from her swollen breasts.

“The next day she prepared to leave. ‘Haan, remember you must never tell him who I am until the time is right. I will then return and reveal myself to him. All I ask is that you share your love and your beautiful earthly kingdom with him that someday he might be as you are, my love. I could ask no greater wealth or legacy for our child.’

“‘Yes, my love, I promise it will be done as you have requested.’

“She bent over the tiny cradle and brushed his cheek. ‘And I have gifts for you, my tiny love.’ With that she waved her hand in the air and a small amulet appeared.

"‘This will protect you as I would, if I could be with you, my darling child. But it will always be with you, just like you will always be with me in my heart.’ An iridescent tear rolled down her cheek and fell onto his tiny hand. It momentarily glowed and she did not move to dab it away.

“She waved her hand again. A small box appeared. She turned to Haan. ‘Haan, give this to him when he has matured and tell him it was ‘his mother’s’. He will know what to do with it when the time is right.’

“‘Yes, my love. Until then we will both await your return to us, if it is even for but a moment in time,’ Haan choked back the tears as he felt his heart breaking from corner to corner into a thousand pieces. She felt it, too, as she kissed his face and held his hands, not knowing it was for the last time. And then -- she was gone.”

The Seer paused momentarily to catch her breath. I sat totally absorbed in the tale she was sharing with me. She then continued.

“This, Madam Glory is something of an abbreviated version of the subsequent events. I share them with you so that you might understand that my Mistress did not seek to intentionally abandon her son or break her word to her beloved Haan.

“In her urgent desire to return to the Outlands, Waukeen devised a very complex plan. Without going into detail, a part of that plan subsequently required her to temporarily relinquish her ‘divinity’. Lliira had agreed to the guardianship of the Goddess’s power and interests while she traveled her planned route from Toril to the Astral Plane, through the Abyss and then home to the Outlands.

"Prior to traveling through the Abyss, she struck a bargain with the Demon Lord Graz’zt. He had guaranteed safe passage to her in return for certain trading information. My Mistress kept her part of the bargain, but the Demon Lord reneged and, instead, took her captive. As she was devoid of her divine powers, she was at his mercy for almost 12 years.

“She was a prisoner during that long time, and there was little she could do except hope for rescue. Her delivery from Graz’zt occurred after we of the Church became aware of exactly where she was. We commissioned a very courageous group of mortal adventurers to rescue her and safely escort her to the Outlands. It was not quite a year ago that this band of fearless souls braved the perils of Lord Graz’zt’s lower plane and freed my Mistress.

“It was only after her return to the Outlands that she discovered the fate of her beloved Haan, but she was unable to verify what fate had befallen her son Hendak. In the timeline of Toril, the slaver’s raid had occurred only a few months after her departure from the Forest, so many years had passed and information was almost non-existent.

"The mere thought of the death of their child made her openly weep and she was quite inconsolable for a time. She then became dedicated to finding him – alive or otherwise. She quietly commissioned a small number of representatives from her Church in Trademeet to search all of Faerun and locate any information regarding Hendak. It did not take long to ascertain that the leader of the Slave Rebellion in the city of Athkatla was none other. My Mistress was overjoyed to find he was not only alive but a fearless hero who now had a full life with a woman he loved, even as his father had loved her.” She stopped. I could tell she was finished.

“So, my future Mother-In-Law is a Goddess,” I mumbled in shock and shook my head. It was all I could think to say.

“It would appear so, Mistress,” laughed Seer Marybeth as she arose from the chair. “Now, if you will forgive me, I have other duties to which I must attend. My Mistress also requested that before I depart, I should bestow a greater restoration upon you. She thought you might need it.” She smiled down at me.

“Your Mistress knows me pretty well, doesn’t she?” I asked.

“Yes, Madam Glory. Much better than you know.” She leaned over and touched my shoulder again.

My heart and my soul were instantly at ease. I did not know if it was the spell or just the knowledge that Hendak was speaking the truth, and he was not ill, and they were not going to take him far away from me, and… All my fears swept from me. When I looked up again, Seer Marybeth was gone.

I opened the box again and looked at the beautiful necklace. I was immediately humbled.

Then something rattled from the recesses of my mind. I suddenly recalled the small tear-shaped mark on Hendak’s left hand. He had said he always had it – his father had told him it was a ‘birthmark’. Yes, his mother had left him with a divine birthmark borne of her sorrow of leaving her only child.

“Mistress, I just saw a Seer leave our door.” It was a half-question from a very puzzled Charona standing in my doorway.

“Yes, Charona, she was delivering a, er, message,” I explained vaguely. I wasn’t ready to divulge any of what I had just learned.

Charona took the hint and changed the subject, “And it was quite a party last evening. Everyone is talking about it this morning!” Yes, the party last night….

“Before I forget about it, Charona, please slot Sir Ryan Trawl for mid-morning tomorrow. If we have a conflict, re-schedule whoever is currently slated and keep the balance of the morning and early afternoon clear. Actually, keep the entire afternoon open, and if you would not mind, send a messenger to my dressmaker to come by early afternoon. I think it is time I start to think about a proper wedding dress.”

“Oh, yes, Mistress!” She clapped her hands and laughed.

“Ki, how long until Delryn.”

“78 minutes, Mistress,” Ki replied. Plenty of time to pick up where I left off. Time for work. Mental digestion for myself was going to have to be later…


TO BE CONTINUED......