Friends or Lovers? Part 8
As he had expected, Edwin didn’t sleep well. He sat up for most of the night, too frightened and confused by his feelings to relax. He really had no idea of what to do, he knew that he wouldn’t be able to keep his growing feelings hidden for much longer, particularly if Viconia was growing suspicious, and neither did he want to leave the group. But if he stayed and his secret came out…everything would fall apart. Kane was his friend, one of the few people who actually did seem to care for him, but Edwin knew that all that would change if he ever discovered the way the wizard was feeling.
That you have feelings for him, feelings that you shouldn’t have. You’re falling in love with him and you can’t deny it any more.
Being able to finally being able to actually admit it to himself was quite a relief, for he had been fighting to deny his feelings away for too long, but that couldn’t help him decide what to do. Part of him wanted to tell Kane how he felt and risk the warrior being shocked and disgusted, but he had grown dependant on his leader’s friendship of late and could not bear the thought that Kane might reject him. He had had several female lovers, but he hadn’t felt as strongly for anyone as he did for Kane and that shocked and frightened him. It also hurt him, knowing that the object of his affections could never find out. Admitting it to himself had been one thing, but it could go no further. Not now, not ever. It didn’t matter if being in Kane’s arms, even just for a second, had felt right…
The adventurers took it easy the following day. They visited a couple of stores and sold some items, including the gems they had picked up along the coast, and brought a few arrows and such. In the afternoon, when Kane and Kagain started growing restless, they ventured out to High Hedge, where they murdered a few skeletons and gnolls and brought a few magical scrolls from the wizard who lived there.
Evening was coming by the time the party arrived back at the Burning Wizard. Kane and Viconia disappeared up the stairs almost immediately, after the drow smirked at Edwin. The wizard knew exactly what they were going to do, but he really didn’t want to think about it. The thought of the warrior and the drow in bed together was too painful. Kagain stayed seated in the bar, though he sat a few tables away from Edwin and the two did not speak to each other. But it was unusually quiet that evening and finally he got up and left, muttering something about finding better entertainment elsewhere.
Edwin didn’t mind the quietness. He had the scrolls they had brought that day and they needed to be copied into his spellbook. It helped him to keep his mind off other matters, but he got so engrossed in what he was doing that he didn’t notice when a shadow fell over him. It was only when someone said his name that the wizard looked up and noticed Viconia standing next to him. She looked far from happy, her eyes were like ice and her arms were folded across her chest.
“So it seems that I have finally got you alone, wizard,” she said coldly. “If I didn’t know better, I would think that you have been avoiding me.
“Why would I do that?”
“You tell me,” Viconia sneered. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you.”
“So talk.” Edwin already had a good idea of what the drow was going to say and he had decided that denial would be the best possible route he could take. “Just don’t expect me to listen.”
“I will put this plainly then, so that your tiny brain can understand it,” the drow glared at him, hands on her hips and her eyes narrowed. “Stay away from Kane! I know how you feel about him and I won’t have you attempting to come between us.”
“I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.” Edwin lied, though he could not quite meet her eyes. He was sure that she was just making guesses, but he couldn’t afford to take any chances. “Are you imagining things again, drow? You have always been good at that.”
“Don’t give me that, wizard!” Her eyes flashed with anger. “I’m no fool, I’ve seen the way you look at him. You can’t take your eyes off him.”
“And I am telling you that you are imagining things.” Edwin struggled to keep calm, although his throat suddenly felt dry and he could feel his heart pounding in his chest. “You are so possessive and insecure that you are starting to see everyone as a threat.”
“I am prepared to do what I have to in order to keep my lover in my bed,” The wizard noticed that Viconia sounded proud of this. “And if I have to drive off other women and even men, then I will.” She smiled cruelly. “He is a wonderful lover, you know, even by drow standards. So strong and handsome and his stamina…he can perform for hours and he really knows how to please a woman. He has this thing he does with his tongue, it always drives me wild, and he loves it when I bite him all over…” She left the sentence unfinished and laughed unpleasantly as Edwin glared at her and looked away. “What’s the matter, Edwin, feeling jealous?”
“I told you,” Edwin hissed through gritted teeth. “I have no feelings for him.”
“You lie,” Viconia said simply. “I can see right through you and I am surprised that Kane hasn’t too. You are in love with him, we both know that’s the truth even if you are too much of a coward to admit it.”
“I’m no coward!” Angrily, he rose to face her, thankful that the tavern was reasonably quiet. “And even if I was, it is better than being a possessive, jealous, spiteful dark elf. I have no idea what Kane sees in you, he is far too good for the likes of you!”
“You think he would be better off with someone like you?” The drow smirked, tossing her long hair back over her shoulder. “I doubt it, I really don’t think you are his type. Not that it matters, I am the one he shares a bed with every night.”
“Except when he is off with other women, like Safana!” Edwin spat at her. “He doesn’t love you so just let him go.”
“He cares for me,” Viconia said at once. “And I know that he will grow to love me, given time. Do you really think that he could feel anything for you besides pity? You are a pathetic and foolish wizard and no one with an ounce of intelligence would go anywhere near you. Kane has better taste.”
“That’s a strange thing to say considering that he took you as a lover!”
“Jealous?” Viconia smiled, but her eyes remained cold. “He’d never look twice at you and you know it. He will be disgusted when he finds out and he certainly won’t want to travel with you any longer, in fact he’ll probably never want to set eyes on you again. As he rightly should.”
“You’re going to tell him,” Edwin said weakly, realising exactly what the drow was planning. “Aren’t you?”
“I think he has a right to know,” Viconia told him, the emotionless smile still playing on her lips. “What’s the matter, are you ashamed of your feelings for him? Because you really should be, they are disgusting and unnatural and wrong.”
Giving him one last look, a look filled with anger and disgust, the drow turned her back on him and walked away. Edwin’s legs were no longer strong enough to hold him up and he sunk back into his chair. Pushing his scroll away, he put his head in his hands and stared down at the table. Although he knew that he shouldn’t pay any attention to Viconia’s words, that they had been designed to hurt him, he couldn’t help it. Whether it was true or not, she had only confirmed what he had already believed.
My feelings are evil and they are wrong and I should be ashamed of them, he told himself fiercely. But I can’t help it, I never asked to feel this way, and my feelings won’t go away, no matter how hard I try to pretend that they don’t exist. And now Kane is going to find out and he’s really going to hate me, even though it isn't my fault. What am I going to do…
Friends or Lovers? Part 8
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