Just in case you're wondering about the strange title of this part, it's because of a cameo appearance of a famous duo. :)

Having wrapped a robe around her body, the tattooed elf emerged from the kitchen with a stack of ryebread on a plate and a pitcher of warm tea. Glancing around the spacious main-room, she noticed she and Rose were not the only ones already up. Jan was sitting at the dinner-table already, eating from a stack of breakfast-turnips. Despite her better judgement, she sat herself down at the table opposite to Jan.

"Well, good morning, sunshine," Jan greeted cheerfully. "I see you're the first one up... Well, not exactly. Rose passed by earlier and Vicky popped her head out of her room, but she just muttered 'I'm going back to bed' when she saw me sitting here. Guess she was still tired."

"Really?" Laska chuckled and poured herself some tea. "I wonder why..."

"I did mention my idea I pitched last night," Jan smiled.

"Sorry to have to break it to you, Jan," the tattooed elf put on her 'I'm sorry but I really have to tell you this'-face, which actually looked remarkably like her 'I'm going to kill you slowly and painfully'-face she often used in combat, "but I don't think an indoor latrine would be very popular. I mean, the smell alone... Why do you think we all have outhouses?"

"Ah, but with the proper lid and maybe a piece of turnip-residue in the water might drown out the smell... Hmmm, maybe I should make some sort of basin..." Jan said, putting his finger to his bearded chin.

While Jan chatted on and on about the technicalities of his newest would-be invention, Laska already felt her mind drifting miles away, and back to her earlier thoughts this morning.

"So, uuuhh," a very red-faced Imoen spoke as her sister finally finished the 'Talk' she has been having with her for the past hour. This would be the last of her endless questions, "what if, you know, the woman and the man are, errr, doing it and it's over, then there's the chance you're having a baby?"

"Yes," Laska sighed as they both sat on the top bunk while the evening was falling outside. "I thought we established that in the first sentence."

"You did but..."

"Look," the elf sighed. It was difficult to break through years of indoctrination by crappy romance novels, but it seemed Laska had finally managed to sever the link between lovemaking and piracy. "It depends on races and race combinations, but humans are most likely to conceive. I've brought you some things to take a look at..." the elf said and took out some spell-scrolls.

"What are these?" Imoen asked.

"Well, these are easy-to-read spellscrolls you can buy in every magic shop and temple, and priestesses of Sune give these away for free. The magic's in the paper, so even I can use this whenever I need to. This one," Laska said, giving Imoen a blue paper, "prevents conception for twenty-four hours. This red one is a preventive disease-cure. I use those all the time. Just cast before the act and you're set. Now, this third one is the most important one, the morning-after scroll. You use this when you've forgotten the first scroll and it cures any diseases you might have picked up too. And then there's this..."

"But that's your sword," Imoen replied quizically.

"Yes, this is my cure for any man who impregnates my sister!" Laska grinned, making Imoen giggle uncomfortably. "In the meantime, take a look at this. It'll give you a pretty good idea of what's possible."

Imoen took the thick, large book and almost dropped it because of its weight. "What's this? 'Abstinance and chastisement? A guide to a pure life and state of being, by Sir Horrendously Virginal'?"

"Open it," Laska grinned. "I got a lot of... useful tips from that book..."

Imoen complied and opened the book. All the pages were glued together, and, in the middle of the book was a large cut-out, in which another, smaller book rested. Taking out the small book and tossing the large one, the perky rogue read the title. "'Excess and pleasures. A guide to eroticism in the service of Sune, by Lady Scrumptious'." Opening the book, she flipped through a few pages, and immediately, her very face, possibly to the very top of her head, turned bright red.

"Oh, my gods!" Imoen squealed and showed Laska the page and illustrative picture.

"Oh, yeah," Laska smiled knowingly. "That's a good one..."

"You've DONE this?" Imoen looked horrified.

"Sure, why not?" the elf chuckled. "Plus I'm dexterous enough for it... And so are you. Give it a try sometimes..."

"I don't think so!" Imoen chuckled. "But... why does the guy in the picture have three legs?"

The elf took the book, shifted on the bunk bed and glanced at the picture. "Well, ermmm, that's not exactly his leg..."

"Oh," Imoen said and concluded with a long, "Eeeeeeeeewwwwww..." Finally, she put the book back in its resting-place and faced the elf again..."

"So that's basically it," Laska smiled. "And without a doubt I can tell you that 'Having it Off' is a wonderful thing."

"I thought it was called 'Making Love'," Imoen chuckled.

"Oh, it all goes..." the elf smiled.

"So..." Imoen said, hugging her pillow as her cheeks once again burned bright-red, "eemmm, so... so... what's it like doing it with another woman?"

"Huh?"

"You know, all what you've been telling me about is about sex with men, not with other women," Imoen said curiously. "What's that like?"

"Well, its... different, I suppose," Laska replied.

"Different?"

"Softer, gentler... different," the elf replied. "More emotional, I guess..."

"Really?" Imoen smiled.

"Well, I've only been with one, but I'm pretty sure..." Laska smiled absentmindedly.

"Soooooo," Imoen replied, her eyes locked on to Laska's. "This chat was very clear, but why do those birds and those bees I've been hearing about fit in..."

Upon hearing this, Laska groaned loudly and prepared to take it from the top again... when she was suddenly hit in the face with a pillow. Opening her eyes revealed a quirky smiling Imoen.

"Of course, you know that this means WAR!" Laska grinned and grabbed her own pillow from the bottom bunk.

"You're just jealous," Imoen stuck out her tongue, and fired a forth time... Bull's eye.

'Those were our better days,' Laska concluded. 'The last days of our childhood before we were trust into the Life.' For the first time, Laska wondered if she truly missed it, but then considered what she had gained since those days. The house, the friendships, the freedom... and Rose. All of those far outweighed the negative points of adventuring.

"... and that is why we need an anti-griffin shield erected all over the Sword Coast to protect young gnomes everywhere..."

"Huh?" Laska suddenly replied, noticing she had been sitting through the gnome's ramblings all this time, and that both her plate and the decanter were very empty indeed. And then, most pleasantly, she noticed Rose was standing over her, hugging her from behind and kissing the top of her head at regular intervals. All in all, it was a very nice image to wake up to.

"Oh, I've taken the liberty to gather the mail," Rose said while planting another kiss on her lover's head. "There's this one letter that looks very important, though."

Her curiosity piqued, the tattooed elf calmly took the letter, which was stamped with the letters 'URGENT! ATHKATLAN LEGAL DOCUMENT. DO NOT BEND' and opened it.

"HOLY CRAP!" Laska said as she read the first lines of the paper inside.

"Ah, Keldorn!" Sir Ryan Trawl greeted happily as the two veteran knights met near the entrance of the Order guildhall.

"Ryan," Keldorn smiled. "You wanted to see me?"

"Yes, well, I..." Ryan sighed as he rubbed his chin. "Well, I wanted to hear your opinion on something, Keldorn."

Keldorn's eyebrows raised before he continued speaking. "Why is that?"

"Do... you remember I was telling you about putting an advertisement in the Amnian Gutter to attract new squires?" Ryan took a breath of air through clenched teeth.

Keldorn sighed deeply. "I never considered it a useful way to attract new potential members of the Order. Not in that rag, at least..."

"Well, we got two replies," Ryan grimaced.

"Only two?"

"The sad fact is, that becoming a paladin just isn't 'hip' at the moment," Ryan sighed. "And, well, see for yourself..."

Ryan led Keldorn to large rock, where two very, very scrawny boys were standing. One had a strange blonde mane and his face was constantly staring away from Keldorn, no matter from which direction he was looking at him. The other boy was a bit taller, had brown hair and a curled up upper lip. But, strangest of all, both boys seemed to be constantly uttering a neurotic laughter.

"Emmmm, hey dude! Huh, huh," the brown haired boy replied.

"Heyhowsitgoin'? Heh, heh," the blonde boy added.

Keldorn shared a brief look at Sir Ryan Trawl, who shrugged in return. "So, you, erm, fine lads have a desire to become Knights, then? Might I ask your reason for wanting to join the Order as Squires?"

"Uhhhhh, like, we can like, rescue chicks and stuff. Huh, huh."

"Nrrrgheheheheheh, yeah! And then, she could like, show us her thingies. You know, like, as a reward and stuff? Heh, heh. BOIN-OING-OING-OING-OING-OING..."

"So basically," Ryan chuckled. "The only reason why you want to become knights, is because you want to meet 'chicks' to 'look at their thingies'?"

"Is there any other reason, dumb-ass? Huh, huh."

"Yeah! Bunghole... Heh, heh..."

"See what I mean?" Ryan chuckled, at the point of bursting out in laughter, but Keldorn was not as amused.

"I take it," Keldorn stated through clenched teeth. "That you two lads are prepared to perform the rigorous initiation-rites all by yourself?"

"Uhhhh, Bovis does things by himself, sir! Huh, huh,"

"Shut up, Bum-head! Heh, heh."

"Well, I... commend your willing spirit, but..." Keldorn started to say.

"Could you, like, shut up," Bum-head snorted. "And, like, show us the paladin-chicks, huh huh, who are like, wearing those, uhuhuhuhuhuh, chain-mail bikinis and stuff?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, heh, heh!" Bovis, the most neurotic of the two, replied. "You can like, see the thingies really good and stuff, and can go like, oooooohhhh, shake it baby!"

Keldorn was flabbergasted as the sheer mass of ignorance massed together in such small bodies. "No fighting women who possess even a mere shred of wisdom will wear that kind of armor!"

"That sucks, huh huh!" Bum-head replied.

"Can you like, just show us the dumb chicks then? heh heh," Bovis added. "There are paladins in there, aren't there? Heh, heh."

"Look!" Keldorn snarled, now getting angry. "I will not have you stand here and mock the institution I have served my entire life, simply because you want to see girl's 'thingies'. The righteous, the true and the just are not merely here to entertain us, my dear boys."

The two boys merely looked upon the paladin for a while, before Bum-head finally spoke. "Uhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh. You said 'ain-us'! Huhuhuhuhuhuh...."

"Oh, yeah! Nrrrgggheheheheheh... Heheh," Bovis added with a grin.

Keldorn felt the anger inside him come to a boil, but he let it pass.

"You're old... Heheheh," Bovis said, making Ryan almost burst out in laughter.

"What?!" Keldorn snarled.

"Yeah, old guy," Bum-head chuckled. "Do you like, huh huh, have trouble, you know, getting your sergeant to salute? Huhhuhuhuhuh..."

"Well," Keldorn replied, "my wife didn't have any complaints last night," Keldorn grinned. "What about your girlfriends?" the aged inquisitor grinned, enjoying the blank look on the boy's faces. "I didn't think so," Keldorn chuckled briefly.

"So, uhhhhhhh, can we be, like, paladins then?" Bovis dared to ask.

"THAT'S IT!" Keldorn snarled and grabbed both boys by the neck.

"Hey, leggo, asswipe!" Bovis shouted.

"Yeah!" Bum-head added. "Don't make us kick your ass!"

Before Bovis could shout out 'This sucks!', Keldorn tossed the two screaming boys across the canal, causing them to crash into a dumpster belonging to the temple of Talos on the opposite side. In the meantime, Sir Ryan Trawl was caught in the laughter of the moment and supported himself on the hilt of his two-handed sword.

"You just called me over to torture me, didn't you?" Keldorn sighed.

"Yes!" Ryan chuckled through his tears. "Can you just see those two idiots, riding through the countryside as holy warriors of virtue..."

Keldorn had to admit that that image drew a chuckle, but neither paladin was ready for the sight that ran around the corner only seconds later.

"Keldorn!" Laska shouted, as she ran towards the two paladins, dressed only in a thin nightrobe... which was slowly slipping open in the front due to its owner's running about.

Keldorn and Ryan quickly averted their eyes while the elf skidded to a stop in front of them.

"Hey, what's the matter?!" Laska muttered as she noticed the paladin looking away from her.

"Please," Keldorn sighed. "Cover your chest..."

"What?" Laska said while looking down and adjusted her robe. "Oh, Keldorn, please. Don't be so childish. They're called breasts and every woman has a pair. It's okay if you want to peek. Your friend already did a couple of times."

"I did nothing of the sort!" Ryan Trawl said quickly, but his reddened face gave him away.

In the distance, Laska's sensitive elven ears picked up disjointed sentences like 'ooooh, baby' and 'bouncy, bouncy' from the dumpster across the street, but she paid it no mind.

"Why are you running half-naked through the streets?" Keldorn finally asked when the elf was presentable.

"Take a look at this," she said and tossed the letter to him. "I'm getting sued! My neighbors across the street say that I'm bad for property-values and now they want compensation for their losses and want me to move out!"

"They can't do that," Keldorn muttered.

"You know," an angry elf snarled. "I've half a mind to visit them and POUND THE CRAP out of them! And... yes, yes, I think I shall have to do that," the elf grinned sardonically and sped off with lightning-speed.

"Laska, no!" Keldorn shouted but was unable to stop her. The aged paladin sighed. "See you later, Ryan," he added before running after the angry elf. "LASKA, DON'T!" he shouted as he ran around the corner.