"If we could have been here sooner," Viconia said with mild annoyance as she and Laska stepped out of the government building, "we would have gotten our hands on the better items in the auction..."

The auction of the Roenall-estate to pay off their debt to Lord De'Arnise had just ended and Laska and Viconia stepped out of the building brandishing their prizes. Viconia had been looking forward to buy quality artwork for ridiculously low prices, but unfortunately, Laska had insisted to hunt after the youngster who had pickpocketed her, and ended up dragging the irate Drow across the city as she tracked the boy down, only to let him keep the money and even double it by giving him Viconia's moneypouch as well after seeing what a squalid home he and his seven brothers and sisters were forced to live in. So after a slight detour back to the house to get more money, they had finally arrived at the auction, only to find most of the best items on the list already sold.

"Well, I got this cute lamp!" Laska smiled while she raised the blue porcelain oil-lamp. She breathed on the copper ring and rubbed away a smudge. "And it only cost me two coppers..."

"I wonder why?" Viconia muttered as she regarded the tacky lamp. "Didn't you notice you were the only one bidding for that... thing?"

"Hey, don't talk down to my lamp!" Laska retorted. "Anyway, I don't see you with any great purchases. Three thousand gold for three times some paint on a canvas..."

"These happen to be masterpieces," Viconia replied while she held three paintings wrapped in a brown cloth. "I didn't think idiots like the Roenalls would have art like these fine works."

"Yeah," Laska smiled, reciting the titles of Viconia's paintings, "'Knife in the back', 'Silent hunter' and 'DeathStalker Betrayed'. I'm detecting a definite pattern here. And what about that sculpture you bought... The one with the metal triangles on the rods."

"That will only be delivered tomorrow. And those triangles signify agonizing loss, don't you know anything about art?" Viconia put down the paintings to cross her arms.

"Well," Laska smiled broadly while she stared across the square, "I don't know much about art, but I do know what I like."

When Viconia looked over her shoulder, she noticed Laska's strawberry blonde half-elven friend Rose, still wearing her usual low-cut dress as she approached, flashing Laska a broad smile of her own.

"Hello there," Rose greeted the two elves.

"Rose!" Laska smiled. "I hope you're not here for the auction. It's just ended..."

"Oh, no!" Rose smiled. "Actually, I went to the auction very early. Right now, I was just on my way to my new home, since... well, I stopped turning tricks, Laska. Since our last conversation I have done a lot of thinking, and I've come to a decision : I have had my dealings with the last perverted nobles and had my last preventive Cure Disease-spell..."

"What?" Viconia looked stunned. "Are you saying that Laska actually had a positive influence on someone?! It boggles the mind!"

"Hey, I...Ack!" Laska suddenly exclaimed as something bright shone in her eyes. Covering her peepers with her hand she noticed the sun reflecting off some brightly polished armor. "Oh, crud!" Laska cursed. "It's Ah, no-mind... Rose, quickly! Kiss me!"

"Oh, yeah," Viconia chuckled. "You'll blend in perfectly that way... Besides he's already seen you, judging by the sudden spring in his step..."

"My lady, I..." Anomen said, then noticed the two embracing women. "Ah, I see you are busy. Do not mind me then, I shall wait for you..."

A few moments later, Anomen was still waiting. Laska whispered, inaudible for all but elven ears : "He's still here, isn't he?"

"Afraid so," Viconia whispered back.

"Can't he take a hint?"

"Do you really expect me to answer that question?"

Reluctant to face Anomen, Laska turned around very, very slowly. "Hello... Anomen," she muttered.

"So," Viconia muttered, "this display doesn't bother in the slightest then, Anomen?"

"Oh, definitely not, Viconia," Anomen spoke with unusual understanding. "I have been doing a lot of reading about the elven race lately so I know elves deal with affection towards friends quite differently than us humans do. At first I found the lack of virtue the whole elven culture possesses frivolous, but I have come to the conclusion my fair lady cannot help but lack the human virtues due to her own elven heritage. The lawless openness in her culture is... puzzling and repulsive at first, but not wholly unappealing."

"I don't know if that's a compliment or if I should punch your lights out for the insult," Laska muttered.

"Forgive me, fair lady, but if we are to be lovers, I must your more about your culture," Anomen smiled.

"Lovers?" Rose asked Laska, glaring ever so slightly.

"Delusional," Laska whispered, and Rose nodded in understanding. "So," the tattooed elf asked, eager for a change of subject, "you were telling us about turning over a new leaf in your life."

"Oh, yes," Rose smiled. "I bought the home of one Isaea Roenall at the auction for only five thousand gold. It's a small, but lovely house not far from here. It came furnished and all! Very much nicer than my old ratty place. The only problem I still have is the smell. I think the previous owner must have been keeping monkeys or something. Anyway, I've hired a mage to cast some spells and chase the smell out. Then, I can do some serious redecorating..."

"Where did you get the money to buy that house?" Laska asked. "You didn't have that many savings yet."

"Well, I started this rumor that I was going to write a book now that I'm retired, and all those nobles started showering me with bribes to keep me from publishing," Rose grinned. "I still have enough money left to buy the Mithrest Inn! Old Brady is retiring, and me and some of the other boys and girls who wanted to stop working have decided to take over the inn. It's a wonderful location, and we can definitely class up the place... OH! Where did you buy that lovely lamp?!"

"Oh, if she likes that lamp, the inn will be very classy indeed when she's done with it," Viconia muttered.

"Anyway," Rose purred, "I'd love to show you around my new home. Will you stop by later tonight?"

"Now that Rose has her own residence, does this mean she'll stop sneaking into your bedroom, Laska?" Viconia smirked.

"HOW DID YOU KN..." Laska exclaimed, but then caught herself. "Errr, I don't know what you're talking about."

"Of course you don't," Viconia chuckled.

"Anyway," Laska said quickly, eager to get away from the love-struck Helmite while taking Rose by the hand. "We must be off now. Goodbye, Anomen!"

As elf and half-elf fled the scene, they left a glazy eyed Anomen standing next to Viconia, who was feeling rather miffed about being left with the man who did not come to her rescue back in Keep De'Arnise.

"Ah, a pity," Anomen muttered. "I was planning to invite fair Laska to be my escort to today's Order banquet. But I am curious as to why a lady would sneak into another lady's bedroom."

"Oh," Viconia smirked. "It's the perfect setting for long, meaningful chats about boys, followed by a pillow fight and then trying out mother's make-up on each other's faces..."

"Ah," Anomen nodded in understanding, "that makes sense..."

Viconia chuckled as she picked up her paintings and strolled away, not looking back at Anomen. "You really ARE stupid, helm-boy," Viconia muttered when the human was out of earshot.

"Oh, please don't make me go through this again," Keldorn all but whimpered as he took a seat on the bench in the basement of the Five Flagon's Inn. Having been to this same place with his wife a few weeks back, he was in no mood to watch this self-indulgent tripe again.

"Sorry, Keldorn," Viconia said, "but the play had started, so what were we supposed to do? Hold up the portal gem and ask them to stop the play?"

"It's a thought," Keldorn muttered.

"Funny you don't like plays, Keldorn," Jan said. "I was certain paladins like yourself loved plays, especially the ones about paladins! Especially when they're about overly zealous, pompous, evil-seeking, do-gooder Paladins..."

"Watch yourself, sir gnome," Keldorn gritted his teeth.

"My cousin Gohanna Jansen once directed a play about the Lady paladin Diedre Braveheart, which was performed after her violent and valiant death defending the local gnomes from the Horned-Griffin With The Dripping Fangs, Razor-Sharp Teeth, But With A Dull Wit."

"Oh, sweet Torm," Keldorn groaned.

"Anyway, after Diedre was buried in fifty-seven different tiny caskets, the whole Order of the Aster showed up to honor their fallen member. Oh, it was a sight to behold : A beautiful play, with a stunning lead. A dastardly and foul plot, and a heroic death in battle for the beautiful Diedre Braveheart. A true tribute to her life, virtue and honor. I kid you not, we ended up with five hundred paladins in the audience, all crying their eyes out. The play was a wild success, and spread the fame and honor of Lady Diedre Braveheart across Toril. BUT! Lady Diedre Braveheart was not dead, but merely stunned, and the paladins accidentally buried some trash from the local slaughterhouse. So, naturally, Diedre was flattered by the success of the play and decided to attend one. Unfortunately, she visited the premiere of the play's unauthorized sequel 'Lady Diedre Braveheart does Evermeet'. Cousin Gohanna always knew how to fill up the benches, you see... Anyway, as Diedre defended her honor, I couldn't help but notice her subtle fighting-techniques as she chopped my cousin to bits with her two elegant katanas..."

"May Torm strike me dead..." Keldorn buried his face in his heads.

In the meantime, Viconia was regarding the flowery play will little interest. A soft, feminine snore came from the person sitting next to her. "Dynaheir," Viconia nudged her friend awake. Immediately, Dynaheir started awake, rose from her seat and applauded loudly, only to glance around the annoyed audience and sheepishly stopped clapping to sit down on her seat.

On her far side, beyond Dynaheir, sat Laska, yawning rather obviously. "Vico," she whispered inaudible for all but elven ears. "When do you think this play is over?"

"Don't tell me you're falling asleep as well," Viconia snorted. "But with this play, it doesn't surprise me."

"Sorry," Laska replied, "I didn't get much sleep last night, and this dialog isn't helping much either."

'Oh, sweet Lunisia, the man on stage, a blue haired actor, spoke while he knelt to one knee. 'My heart aches for your touch, my soul throbs for your gentle kisses...'

''Oh, Rodrigo, Rodrigo!' the woman on stage, wearing a red robe to hide her odd greenish skin-color spoke as she regarded the other man. 'I ache for you when you are not near me. My feelings for you make me soar into the heavens!'

"BOLLOCKS!" was suddenly shouted from the audience as Laska rose from her seat. "THIS IS JUST COMPLETE AND UTTER BOLLOCKS! YOU WANT TO SHAG HER AND SHE WANTS TO SHAG YOU, SO JUST BLUMMIN' SAY SO AND DO IT, SO WE CAN ALL GO HOME INSTEAD OF SITTING THROUGH ALL THIS UTTER, UTTER BOLLOCKS!"

"Here speaks Laska," Viconia muttered, "theatre-critic extra-ordinaire!"

"Wish I had said that two weeks ago," Keldorn muttered.

"Ye'd be sleepin' in the doghouse, matey! HAR HAR!" Korgan laughed.

"What?" the blue haired man said to the audience. "I would recognize that temper everywhere! My woodpecker has finally arrived, she had accompanied the gem, I hope..."

"Yeah, I got your gem right here," Laska replied. "Is the play over now?"

"Errr, yes," Haer'Dalis directed to the audience. "Good folks of the audience. Rodrigo and Lunisia were happily married till they died of old age and boredom. Good night folks!"

"This is it?" a man from the audience replied.

"Yes, my good parrot," Haer'Dalis replied with a smile. "It's an award-winning new approach to closing a performance. There will be another performance... shortly..."

The audience seemed to buy it and slowly moved towards the exits, leaving Laska and her party behind while the entire Sigil troupe poured towards the stage.

"So," the green skinned woman who was playing Lunisia said, "you are the uncultured loud-mouth who interrupted our play..."

"You want your gem or not?" Laska muttered.

"Hush, Kiri," a regal woman spoke. She was tall, dressed in a red robe and had a strange, angular look. Her eyes resembled those of a cat as she regarded the party in front of her. "Greetings, good adventurers. I am Raelis Shai, thespian extra-ordinaire and leader of the Sigil troupe."

"These are even stranger than us," Laska muttered, again inaudible for all but elven ears.

"They are fiendlings," Viconia whispered back. "Part demon-kin. I think this 'Shai' is part Glabrezu."

"Can they be trusted?" Laska asked.

"I don't see why not," Viconia whispered back.

"I have a question about the play," Minsc said.

"Oh?" Haer'Dalis smiled. "Why might that be, my hound..."

"So when Rodrigo was away, what happened to the dragon attacking the castle after eating all the carrots?!" Minsc asked with enthusiasm.

"Dragon?" Haer'Dalis asked.

"Castle?" Kiri wondered.

"Carrots?" Raelis Shai muttered.

"Oh, excuse Minsc," Minsc replied sheepishly. "When I get a little drowsy my mind starts to wander."

"Excuse me for saying," Laska spoke up. "But you guys are seriously weird..."

"I could say the same for you," Haer'Dalis smiled, earning himself a glare from an angry elf.

"Our kind is quite common in the Sigil, which is our place of origin," Shai replied.

"The Sigil?" Dynaheir spoke up. "Impossible! That city is a myth!"

"No, abbil," Viconia replied. "The Sigil is quite real. I've never been there myself, but I have heard spelljammer-captains speaking of it. They must have had a great deal of trouble travelling this far."

"Aye, and that is why the gem is so important," Haer'Dalis smiled. "Ah...my ravens, there is a tale between us that is long overdue. Forgive me if I led you to believe that the gem was just a worthless bauble for the stage. In truth it is a planar jewel, a nexus between the Astral and the Prime Material Planes."

"You've got a what now?" Laska replied.

"Few of you Primes would sense its presence, but Mekrath did and so it was that I fell into his keeping. Luckily, he had not rid himself of it before your timely rescue," Haer'Dalis muttered in reply. "Now, I only wish it had not taken you so long to deliver it in our keeping. Oh my, time is short and here I am to give a lecture on the nature of the multiverse..."

"No, no... no, no, no!" Laska replied quickly. "I feel a headache coming on already, so 'what I don't know can't hurt me' can be taken literally here."

"I would be interested in hearing this," Dynaheir replied.

"As would I," Viconia replied.

"Tough!" Laska replied. "Let's save that one for another time..."

"How did you end up in our plane, then?" Keldorn asked.

"Well, all of this really goes back to a most unfortunate satirical play which we produced while in Sigil," Haer'Dalis smiled, while Raelis Shai was gathering her members of the Sigil troupe and started to chant over the gem. It shone bright blue in the dark room. "'A Comedy of Terrors,' it was called and the fact that the playwright wished to remain anonymous should have been sufficient clue to begin with. Little did we know that the sordid tale of lust between two certain planar beings might hold a mirror to the truth. Within hours the theatre was left in ruins and a price was placed upon our fleeing heads."

"HAR HAR!" Korgan laughed. "Don't ye sissies know that playin' with a tiger often leads to broken bones?"

"It was only the Lady of Pain, herself, Mistress of all Sigil, who through her unplumbed whimsy sent us careening through a portal to emerge where we are now, in this place you know as Amn," Haer'Dalis smiled. "This gem we detected was the key to returning home, but unfortunately, it already had an owner..."

"So," Keldorn snarled. "You have made us THIEVES?! Beware the forked-tongue of this one, Laska. I did not detect his lies earlier when he told us Mekrath had stolen the item!"

"But the price upon your heads, is it not still there?" Jan asked. "It's hard to keep living with a load of bountyhunters on your neck, as my uncle Roderick found out when he stole Lord Prissy Pants' Golden Pantaloons... He had to have eyes in the back of his head. Quite literally, really. There was this witch he knew and..."

"Aye, my questioning hounds, one does not satirize Duke Rowan Darkwood, factol of the Fated, and expect to live a life of safety," Haer'Dalis smiled, interrupting the chatty gnome. "A wretched cambion hunts us as we speak and has apparently tracked us down to the Prime Material, and that is why we have to keep on the move..."

"Haer'Dalis, everyone, gather round. The stone is ready to begin the summoning," Raelis said as she apparently prayed over the stone. "As the conduits open they will bring something with them. We will do what we can to hold off whatever beasts come, the better to determine which route be safest."

"Oy, laddies and lassies," Korgan called. "'Ere's where we be comin' in, right? Me axe is twitching fer some action!"

As said, they did. Laska and her friends took up attack-positions around the shimmering vortex that was slowly forming into the very air. So mesmerized were most party-members that they did not even notice the first imp flying out of the conduit. Dynaheir quickly dispatched it after twirling around her axis with her brand new staff-spear. Nobody even broke a sweat when the shadows and the fire-elementals followed. Then... it happened.

As the conduit gained maturity and has enough size for a human-sized creature to travel through, a cambion stepped out of the vortex. He was huge, over seven feet tall. He had large antler-like horns, and from his leather armor hang several sets of skulls belonging to a myriad of creatures. "So, the fools have walked right into my trap," he spoke in a raspy voice, while the entire Sigil troupe looked on in fear. The cambion waved his hands and he, and the sigil troupe were suddenly yanked into the conduit, while the stunned party looked on.

"It just took them," Dynaheir muttered.

"This is an outrage!" Minsc shouted. "Will we just leave it at this? We are good and kindly heroes and we must rescue them. We can't just leave them to their fate."

"Are you suggesting we just jump in that portal, not knowing where we'll end up or even if would could get back?!" Viconia replied with a smirk on her face.

"Exactly!" Laska smiled and threw herself into the vortex.