"Oh, we be all over this bloody isle, there be no pirates 'ere!" Korgan snarled and kicked one of the rocks. It skidded off the cliff and dropped straight down into the brine below.

"What dost thou mean 'we have been all over this bloody isle'?" Dynaheir snapped back. "We have barely left Brynnlaw five minutes ago!"

"Ach, five minutes, five hours, five days, five years... It nay be makin' any difference! There be nothin' but rocks 'ere, this whole bloody island be one big rock."

Korgan, Dynaheir, Jan and Minsc were standing just outside of Brynnlaw, on the rocky slopes of the small island. Though there were plenty of trees on this tropical island, they were all on the other side of the highest mountains. Unfortunately, that was quite a bit away, and the fully-armored party found themselves being prime targets for the sun's burning assault. The hot rocks didn't help much either.

"Ach, let us be turnin' back," Korgan snarled. "I be wringin' the sweat from me beard soon."

"Ah, there it is!" Minsc said. "Just follow that path and it will lead to the secret pirate hide-out!"

"What?!" all heads turned to Minsc. "How do you know?"

Minsc smiled and pointed at a small wooden sign at the crossroads. "Route to Super-Duper Secret Pirate Hide-Out. Just follow the path. Trespassers will be grogged," it read.

"Ah." Dynaheir nodded.

"Boo found it," Minsc said proudly.

The 'path' ended up being a winding mountain pass around a very steep peak near the more wooded regions on the island. Still assaulted by the terrible sun, and burdened by the heavy climb, the party arrived on top of the mountain in an exhausted state.

Just as they leaned in to each other and sought cover under the palm-trees that grew on top of the mountain, there were startled by an impressive sight.

"Ah," Dynaheir exclaimed.

"Lemme at it!" Korgan shouted with his axe at the ready.

"Minsc will defend."

"Wow!" Jan raved, "now that is the second biggest monkey-head I've ever seen!"

Indeed, what was staring back at them were the dead eyes of stone monkey-head, carved out of the very rock itself. It was all of ten foot tall and fifteen foot wide. A huge grinning maw and huge monkey-ears adorned the head.

"What's the first biggest monkey-head Jan ever saw?" Minsc asked.

"Thou had to ask, didst thou not?" Dynaheir smacked her forehead.

"Well, since you asked so nicely," Jan said. "There was why auntie Janey Jansen, you see, and she signed on for an expedition to explore a faraway tropical island. But, as soon as they arrived there, the entire party was eaten by the giant hideous gorilla that lived there : Bing Bong. Now, Bing Bong was a nice monkey, though, always brushed after every meal... Unfortunately, he used the party's brain-tissue as toothpaste, which is quite unsightly, mind you. But then, just as Bing Bong wanted to slash off Janey's head, their eyes locked... and they fell in love. So, with her new husband in tow, little Janey returned to Amn, where Bing Bong took up a job as an investment banker. It went well for a couple of years, but then poor Bing Bong experienced a nasty burn-out and went crazy. So, he climbed up the highest mage-tower and threatened to jump! Nobody really cared if he just, expect for a few thousand home-owners whose homes he was bound to smash. So, some hippogriff riders zoomed along his head to talk him down..."

"Let me guess," Minsc said. "He jumped and was eaten by griffins?"

"No," Jan said. "He quit his job and started a monkey-hair clothing boutique. Live is good, but a lot of people still complain when he tries to hurl his feces around as a kind of hobby... But he and Janey just had their first baby... weighing in at 5000 tonnes at birth."

"Dynaheir? What be ye doing?" Korgan asked when he saw Dynaheir reaching into the monkey's ear.

"I'd rather be digging into a monkey's ear if that means I don't have to listen to Jan's ramblings," Dynaheir said. "Besides, I think I have found a latch..."

With a loud ground of stone on stone, the head's massive maw opened, and as was to be expected, a reed welcome mat shaped like a tongue greeted the four travellers.

"Let us be inside," Korgan snarled. "Better than bakin' in the sun."

Their joy was short-lived. Soon enough, Jan and Korgan spotted a narrow path leading down at a steep angle into a gorge as soon as they had entered the small cave to which the maw led. Unfortunately, Dynaheir and Minsc didn't see as well in the dark. Unfortunately, they hadn't noticed the others had stopped, so they managed to bump each other ride down the gorge. Soon enough, they slipped downwards and their shouts of terror echoed from the narrow walls. After what seemed an eternity in the dark corridor, the four dropped down into a strangely brown pool.

"Are thou all in good health?" Dynaheir asked as the four swam and came up for air.

"First time I've been cool in weeks," Jan grinned. "Funny tasting water, though, and..."

"IT BE GROG!" Korgan shouted in glee and dove under... and stayed under. The only sign that he was there were the occasional rise of bubbles.

"Minsc will save!" the giant shouted and lifted a protesting Korgan from the pool.

"OY!" he shouted. "Lemme down, ye lummox! I be gettin' drunk!"

"Oh, Minsc is a hero! Minsc saved Korgan from Drowning and Drunkenness! Two for the price of one!"

"ARRRGGHHH!" Korgan roared. His protests stifled, the party soon found themselves in a cool spot in the cave. Sunlight filtered in through a broad mouth of the cave which gave way to a shallow bay and the sea. Around the bay, built inside the cave and in the cool shade, were a few haphazardly constructed buildings and tents. Happy music came from most of the houses, and the impression the camp made was not one of death and murder, but one of freedom and joy. A huge cloth was spun between the two highest building which read : "Davey Jones' Patio : Freehaven to all fun-loving Pirates."

"Well, it seems we have found our pirates," Dynaheir as the party mingled with the partying pirates. Everywhere they looked, there seemed to be happy pirates, despite their troubles. The decor greatly added to the cheery atmosphere. One building was clearly labeled 'Meathook's 'ouse o'wax', another one read 'International House of Chicken', a third one read 'Barbery Coast'. Sitting in a corner and playing with a rat were Three Men of Low Moral Fiber (Pirates).

"Ah, you have arrived just as I expected?" a soft-feminine voice sounded from behind. Turning around, they noticed a corpulent dark-skinned woman sitting behind a cauldron. A sign in her store read 'International house of Mojo. The Voodoolady is in'.

"What? Drenched in grog ye mean? HAR!" Korgan snarled.

"A fellow Rashami?" Dynaheir spoke. "I did not expect on such as thee here, in this... setting..."

"Indeed?" the Voodoolady smiled. "Well, we travel in all circles... And what's with the 'thee's and 'thou's?"

"Errm," Dynaheir blushed. "Please, thou must not ruin my air of sophistication."

"In any case," the Voodoolady continued, "I have foreseen your coming ever since we were driven from our homes and lives. It certainly took you long enough to find us, but I foresaw that too, so we anticipated on your lateness."

"You can see the future?" Minsc asked. "Will Boo grow up to be a big boy?" Immediately, a slightly irate hamster bit his finger.

"Of course, I am a diviner, after all."

"So, what do you see when you look into the future? Really far into the future," Jan asked.

The Voodoolady's eyes glazed over. "Hmmm, I see... people falling into the whims of fads created by interrealmsian mass-producers. I see people playing games on machines... I see a nerdly man making millions of gold from selling things that make those machines run and living in a building that pierces the clouds... Hmmm, I also see an ancient tattooed elf climbing the tower and tossing the screaming nerd down for a gooey high-altitude death."

"Interesting," Dynaheir said. "So, what's in our immediate future, then?"

"I see," the Voodoolady spoke, "the same ancient tattooed elf, only younger, experiencing a hang-over."

"That's our Laska, alright," Jan chuckled.

"Come," the Voodoolady smiled. "Let us go see the Pirate Princess."

The pirate princess Elayne was a plucky woman. Her brown hair whipped in her face as she stood on a wooden soapbox and addressed her troops. It turned out that this particular princess had the mouth of a dockworker and the temper to match. Soon, the small bay filled to the brim with eager pirates. Although not as eager as one might hope.

"Now is our chance!" Elayne said. "Let us take back what is ours from those evil pirates! Take back our homes."

A lot of murmurs sounded instead of cheers. "Like, dudette," a senior pirate with a long way and a strange-smelling cigarette said, "I've like joined this outfit to be free, man. Fighting isn't cool, man. That's why I came here, man."

"Look, Freewaterfall," Elayne said. "Some bad guys moved in, and trampled all over our lovely anarchy! Those damn evil pirates installed an, errggh, government in our village! Are we going to let them get away with it?!"

As the mention of the word 'government' the pirates' ire was definitely piqued. Korgan looked on in amusement as the pirates took up rusty swords and wooden boards in anger and determination to take out the newly installed government.

"Aye, aye!" Korgan roared. "We be fightin' them, alright! HAR HAR! Laska be 'avin' fun smashin' up the asylum! Korgan be gettin' 'is fun from smashin' up the village!"

Night had fallen, and in the darkness two lone pirates were walking across the docks.

"Lousy damn chores," the first one snarled while the other one opened the wooden hatch leading to the depths below. "Why do we have to haul these fishguts about?"

"Your problem, not mine," the other chuckled. "My only job is to open the hatch."

"Funny guy," he snarled. "Let's go get those baskets now and help me."

"CHARGE!" Elayne snarled as the pirates, heavily armed with boards and torches had gathered on the edge of town. And charge they did. Korgan held his axe at the ready as he charged, but fortunately, a pirate named Mugsley, a large oafish man, was chosen to lead the anarchists to the governmental mansion. "RIGHT!" Mugsley shouted, leading his troops into an alley.

"Right!" he then shouted, as the group turned down main street headed towards the docks.

"RIGHT!" he shouted again, hoping to reach the docks but running into another alley.

"RIGHT!" he shouted again, and again the pirate anarchist followed.

"RIGHT!" he shouted again when reaching an alley.

"Hast thou seen this alley before?" Dynaheir spoke.

"Lady," Jan said, "if I tell you everything I've seen before, your skull would pop."

"RIGHT!" shouted Mugsley again.

"STOP IT!" Elayne snarled. "We're going around in circles!"

"RIGHT!"

"Shut up!" Elayne snarled and delivered such a blow to Mugsley's jaw that he literally flew off the street, slid down the docks and landed in the water with a splash. "Come on, follow me," the pirate princess took over the lead and ordered her troops to run onto the docks... So far, Korgan was very disappointed with the utter lack of resistance.

"STOOOPPPPP!!!" Elayne shouted in terror as she ran around the corner, but it was too late. The pirate mob did not see the hatch, nor the terrified Elayne, and together, they all tumbled and bumped into the darkness below, torches and all.

"Oooh, crap!" Elayne shouted as the pirates found themselves on a stone floor. "We're in the old smuggler's tunnels!"

"Smuggler's tunnels, man?" Freewaterfall said. "Don't they use those for..."

Suddenly, a rain of fishguts landed all over the pirates, and Elayne in particular.

"...eco-friendly sewers these days, man?" Freewaterfall continued stating the obvious as the unwitting evil pirates closed the hatch, their chores finished for the night.

"Dammit, dammit, dammit," Elayne snarled. "Here we storm the town and nobody notices! It's the raid on Waterdeep all over again, arrggh..."

"Better question is," Minsc said. "Boo wants to know how we get out of here again?"

Together, the pirates and party looked up to the hatch, far out of reach, and the dark caves beyond.